The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, April 11, 1947, Image 7
THE NEWBERRY SUN, NEWBERRY, S. C.
AVOID THE PONIES
“All right, children, here’s the
next problem," the teacher an
nounced. “If one horse can run a
mile in a minute and a half and an
other is able to do the same dis
tance in two minutes, how far
ahead would the first horse be if the
two horses ran a race of two miles
at their respective speeds?”
When the time allowed for solving
the problem had expired, all the
children except little Johnny
Burkett had finished. Johnnie was
still hard at work with pencil and
paper.
“Johnnie," called out the lynx-
eyed .instructor, “I’ll call on you
first for the answer.”
Startled by the interruption, the
youngster stared blankly at the
teacher. Suddenly he had an in
spiration.
“Miss Hawkins,” he announced,
“I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you. My
dad told me never to have anything
to do with horse-racing!”
THE WAT IT LOOKS
Driver’s License Examiner — Do
you know what it means if a driver
puts out a hand?
Applicant—Well, if it’s a woman,
it means she is going to turn right
or left, shake the ashes off her cig-
aret, or reverse or stop, or she’s
pointing to a hat store, or admiring
her ring, or—
Examiner—Yeah, and if it’s a
man?
Applicant—Why he’s usually wav
ing at a woman.
Round Trip
A tourist, traveling through west
ern Kansas, saw a man sitting by
the ruins of a house that had been
blown away, and stopped to ask:
“Was this your house, my friend?”
“Yep.”
“Any of your family blown away
with the house?”
“Yep, wife and four kids.”
“Great scott, man, why aren’t you
hunting for them?”
“Well, stranger, I’ve been in this
country quite a spell. The wind’s
due to change this afternoon. So I
figure I might as well wait here till
it brings ’em back.”
Over-Paid
An out-of-towner stopped a news
boy saying, “See here, son, I want
to find the First National bank. I’ll
give you a half a dollar if you will
direct me to it.”
“All right, come along," and led
the man to a building half a block
away. The man paid the promised
fee, remarking, however, “That
was half a dollar easily earned.”
“Sure!” responded the lad, “but
you mustn’t forgit that bank direc
tors are paid high in this town.”
Another Viewpoint
A, Sunday School teacher was
showing her class a picture of the
Christian martyrs in a den of lions.
One little boy seemed very safl
about it.
“Gee,” he exclaimed, “look at
that poor lion away in the back. He
won’t get any!”
SNATCH VICTIM
Jones, a good family man, hat
been inveigled into a poker game
and experienced growing apprehen
sion as the hand of the clock moved
relentlessly on toward morning.
Finally, at 3 a.m. he had a sudden
inspiration. He called his home and
when finally, the little woman an
swered the phone, he shouted in
frenzied haste, “Don’t pay the ran
som; I’m back!”
1 Best of Luck
Brown—I haven’t seen you for
years, old man. Where have you
been?
Smith—Hunting tigers, old chap.
Brown—Had any luck?
Smith—Rather! I didn’t meet one.
Good Try
Mike—’Tis a fine kid you have
there. A magnificent head and
noble carriage. Say, could you lend
me a couple of dollars?
Pat—I could not. 'Tis my wife’s
child by her first husband.
NANCY
Ernie Bushmiller
MUTT AND JEFF
By Bud Fisher
LITTLE REGGIE
By Margarita
HERES MY ARITHMETIC,POP-
ALL FINISHED IN ONLY -.. v
FIFTEEN MINUTES»
NOW CAN I GO f MINUTES ?
AMAZING •
OUT ?
I*
1
WHY THEY RE ALL CORRECT
TOO I THIS IS INCREDIBLE ‘
you' must have the r q of
A GENIUS, MY BOY I
NOW TO GET BACK TO MY
TAXES. WHY WHERE'S MY
ADDING MACHINE IT
WAS HERE THIS MORNING
JITTER By Arthur Pointer
REG’LAR FELLERS
By Gene Byrne*
VIRGIL ByXen Kiel*
NOT RESPONSIBLE
At the public library, a small boy
presented a well-worn, dirty vol
ume at the return desk. The libra
rian glanced at the book, leaned
forward to take in the size of the
boy, and then remarked, “This is
rather technical, isn’t it?”
Planting his feet firmly on the
floor, the boy, half defiant, hall
apologetic, said, “It was that way
when I got it”
LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON?
“Pop, why do you always sign my
report card with an ‘X’?”
‘T don’t want your teacher to
think anyone who could read and
write would have a son as dumb as
you.”
Pleading Guilty
The justice of the peace in a small
Southern town had to hear and
judge cases that were brought be
fore him, and he also performed
occasional marriage ceremonies.
This made it difficult for him to dis
sociate the various functions of his
office. During the course of a wed
ding service one day, he asked the
bride: “Do you take this man to be
your husband?” The bride nodded
emphatically. “And you,” said the
justice, turning to the bridegroom,
“what have you to say in your own
defense?”
Appreciative Listener
“Just listen to that man talking to
himself,” commented the wife to
her husband. An elderly man, walk
ing In front of them, was talking to
himself in a very serious and ad
monishing tone. Apparently he
overheard the remark for he slowed
down and lifting his hat, bowed
deeply and with a twinkling light in
his eyes said: “Pardon me, mad
am, but it is necessary to talk to
someone sensible sometimes.”
Very Sad Story
The young girl came home from /
the movies, and her mother asked:
“Was it a very nice story, dar
ling?”
The youngster said: “A lovely
story, mother. But I don’t think
you’d like it, the ending is so sad.”
“How Is that?” asked the mother.
“Well,” said the youngster, “you
see, she dies, and the poor fellow
has to go back to his wife.”
Clinical Appraisal
There was the amateur painter
who called in a-doctor friend to look
at the painting he had just finished.
It showed a man who was appar
ently in great agony.
After the doctor had looked at his
masterpiece a few minutes, the
painter asked:
“Well, what do you think of it?”
“It looks like pneumonia to me,"
the doctor replied.
CLEVER DOG!
Moe—With whom was your wife
quarreling last night?
Joe—She was scolding the dog.
Moe—Poor beast I beard her
threaten to take the front door key
away from him.
Observer
At a,USO hospital party, a patient
noticed that one of the feminine
entertainers was only nibbling at
the refreshments. “What’s the mat
ter, honey?” he asked her. “Why
don’t you eat this wonderful cake?”
“I have to watch my figure,” the
singer explained.
The patient smiled. “You eat the
cake,” he ordered. “I’ll watch your
figure.”
A Good Start
Proud Father—What do you think
of my son as a pugilist?”
Trainer—Well he can shake hands
the best of any fighter I ever saw.
Poor Appetite
A cannibal took his baby to a
witch doctor. “Doc,” he said, “I
don’t know what’s the matter with
him. He won’t eat anybody,”
Lot of Hat
“My dear, what a lovely chateau
you’re wearing.”
“Thank you, dear, but the word
is ‘chapeau’.”
“Darling, when a hat’s that size
it’s a chateau.”
Unnecessary
“Care to buy a nice letter opener,
sir?”
“Don’t need one, Mac. I’m mar.
ried.”
More Education
“I can’t learn to love you.”
“But I’ve saved $10,000.”
“Give me one more lesson.”
SEWING CIRCLE PATTERNS
Yhylitfioivn for Summer CooLieSS
irlwa is ter f^erenniai Sauorite
Cool Nightdress
A N EXQUISITE nightdress to
keep -you cool on summer
nights. And it’s so easy to make,
so easy to launder. The tiny
sleeves are just right, narrow rib
bon adds a pretty finish. You’ll
want to run up several in differ
ent fabrics.
• • •
Pattern No. 8134 comes In sizes 12, 14,
16, 18, 20; 40 and 42. Size 14, 3Va yards
of 38 or 39-inch; 5 yards ribbon.
Tailored Shirtwaist Frock
T HIS crisply tailored shirtwaist
frock has that casual, clean-cut
look all women admire. It be
comes every figure, is suitable to
any occasion. Wear it now through
summer with assurance.
• • •
Pattern No. 1617 is for sizes 14, 16, 18,
20: 40, 42, 44 and 46. Size 16. 3T« yards
of 35 or 39-inch.
Send your order to:
SEWING CIRCLE PATTERN DEPT.
530 South WeUs St. Chicaso 7, m.
Enclose 2o cents in coins for each
pattern desired.
Pattern No. Size
Name-
Address-
If your aluminum pans are dis
colored, try this easy method to
bring the luster back to them. Boil
a cream of tartar solution in the
discolored pan. Use one teaspoon
of cream of tartar to each quart
of water for best results. This
simple method keeps your pans
gleaming.
• —•—
Plastic covered coat hooks in
color fixed on that empty wall
space make a fine support for
showing off your pretty trays.
Cut off the buttons before throw
ing an old garment away. Slip a
fork under the button and cut
thread with scissors or razor
blade.
—•—
Iron rayon jerseys lightly and
don’t pull the garment. Avoid hav
ing the iron too hot or the result
may be disastrous.
—•—
Use precaution when selecting a
lining for your jacket or coat. It
should last as long as the garment.
You know what a soiled clothes
line will do to hours of careful
laundry work. The best way to
prevent this is to see the line is
strictly clean. Before hanging up
the wash to dry, take the line
down, wrap it firmly around the
wash board, and scrub it thorough
ly with hot water and soap.
—•— .
Knives and other kitchen gadgets
with painted handles should not be
allowed to stand in water. The
wood under the enamel will absorb
water and cause the paint to chip
off.
—•—
To get ready for spring house
cleaning and to obtain more stor
age space, it is a good idea to
start now to weed out kitchen uten
sils and other odds and ends which
are no longer useful^
To prevent rust marks on bath
room or kitchen fixtures where
scouring powder can rests, dip the
bottom of the can in hot paraffin.
Monks Make Up Fifth
Of Population of Tibet
There are so many monks in
Tibet principally because it is so
hard to make a living and raise a
family there. Monks make up one-
fifth of the population of Tibet. Ev
ery year thousands of young men
enter monasteries instead of mar
rying, for it often takes as many
as six husbands to make enough
money to support one wife, and
most women have at least three
husbands at one time.
A wife may dismiss a husband
whenever she feels like it, and this
brands him as a social outcast.
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