Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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♦ THE NEWBERRY SUN. NEWBERRY, S. C. JITTER By Arthur Pointer VIRGIL SILENT SAM A Stiff Blow This is the season of weather stories. Which brings to mind the. mighty winds which range the great open spaces of eastern Okla homa. Out there the wind blows so hard that the boys often use it to ride to town on. They stand out in the road and hold up their big hats like sails, and the next thing | they know the breeze has set them ' down in front of the courthouse. Sometimes it turns wells inside out and spills water over 17 counties. One day a visitor noticed a log chain hanging from a limb near a lonely cabin. He asked the settler what purpose it served. “Well, stranger,” the man re» plied, “when I wake up in the morn ing I peek through a crack in the cabin and take a look at that there chain. If it’s a-hangin’ down, ev erything is all right. But if the chain is a-stickin’ straight out from that there limb, I figger it’s too windy for me to work.” WATTS WRONG? Judge—Give the court your name, occupation, and state the charge against you. Defendant—My name is Sparks, I am an electrician and I am charged with battery. Judge—Officer, place this man in a dry cell. Weather Report A certain Washington club decreed that any member caught talking shop within its relaxing portals shall pay a fine of two dollars. One day a popular member, on entering the club, cheerily called out to the as sembled company, “Good evening, gentlemen.” “Bob,” rejoined one of the mem bers, “don’t you work at the weather bureau?” Puzzled, Bob admitted that he did. He was fined two dollars 1 UNINTERESTED Conductor—Madam, you’ll have to pay for that boy. Lady—But I never have before. Conductor—That doesn’t matter to me. He’s over 12 years old, and you’ll have to pay his fare or I’ll put him off the car. Lady—What do I care? I never saw him before! Buzzing, Too “In your advertisement you said that there was a sting in the air after sundown,” complained the summer boarder. “Well,” replied the hotel propri etor, “take a look at those mos quitoes.” v Faster and More Rugged Interviewer — So you were in Egypt? Veteran—Yeah. Interviewer—In the Sudan? Veteran—Naw, in a jeep. Cushioned Jimmy—Mom, baby just fell off the piano! Mother—Oh, was he hurt? Jimmy—No, mom. He fell on the soft pedal. Lucky Accident Teacher—Johnny, give me two pronouns. Johnny—Who, me? Teacher — That’s right, Johnny; good work. Homely Mug Squadron “What’s that ugly insignia on the side of the bomber?” “Sh-h-h-h! That’s the command ing officer looking out of the port hole.” Two Chapters More Passenger (to bus conductor read ing paper)—What time does this bus start? Conductor (pointing to paper) — At the end of this article. No Witnesses Lawyer—It would be better for you if you had a good alibi. Think hard now. Did anyone see you at the time of the crime? Client—Fortunately, no. OUSENOLD MTS To cook macaroni or spaghetti without constant watching or stir ring, place it in a colander and then lower the colander into a kettle of salted, boiling water. —•— Flavor for the soup. Put onion and spices into tea ball holder that may easily be lifted out when the broth is full-flavored. —•— When ironing clothes, place sev eral drops of cologne on your iron ing board cover. Then as you iron, the cologne aroma will be ab sorbed by hankies and blouses. —•— Oatmeal cooked with molasses in the water makes a tasty cereal rich in iron and saves sugar. —•— To perk up frayed blankets, why not rip off the old binding? Buy several yards of sprigged sateen ribbon that costs but a few cents at the dime store. Choose it in a contrasting color and stitch it on to give your blankets new life. —•— Spices lose strength rapidly in a paper container, so empty prompt ly into a small glass jar. Use a screw top jar. HARSH LAXATIVES UNNECESSARY? Millions Find Healthful i<Ves/» Fruit Drink Gives Them All the Laxative Aid They ‘Need Don’t form the habit of depending on harsh, griping laxatives until you’ve tried this easy, healthful way millions now use to keep regular. It’s fresh lemon juke and water taken first thing in the morning-just as soon as you get up, the juice of one Sunkist Lemon in a glass of water. Taken thus, on an empty stomach, it stimulates normal bowel action, day after day, for most people. And lemons are actively good for you. They’re among the richest sources of vitamin C, which combats fatigue, helps resist colds and infections. They supply vitamins Bi and P, aid diges tion and help alkaiinize the system. Try this grand wake-up drink 10 mornings. See if it doesn’t help you! Use California Sunkist Lemons. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ To Have and to Hold! U. S. Savings Bonds ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ Shirtwaist Dress Flatters Figure Shirtwaister A CAREFULLY tailored shirt- waist dress for women in the larger size range. Brief sleeves are comfortable and practical, the deeper notched collar adds a flattering note. Pattern provides short or three-quarter sleeves. You’ll find it your year ’round favorite. * * • Pattern No. 8001 is designed for sizes 34, 36. 38, 40. 42. 44. 46. 48 and 50. Size 36, 4 1 / a yards of 35 or 39*inch. Due to an unusually large demand and current conditions, slightly more time is required in filling orders for a few of the most popular pattern numbers. Ready for you now—the new SPRING Issue of FASHION. Contains a wealth of ideas for every woman who sews—fashions by ton-flight designers, personality charts, free pattern printed inside the book. Price 25 cents. Send your order to: SEWING CIRCLE PATTERN DEPT. 530 South Wells St. Chicago 7, IU. Enclose 25 cents in coins for each pattern desired. Pattern No Size Namp Address How To Relieve Bronchitis Creomulslon relieves promptly be cause it goes right to the seat of the trouble to help loosen and expel germ laden phlegm, and aid nature to soothe and heal raw. tender. In flamed bronchial mucous mem branes. Tell your druggist to sell you a bottle of Creomulslon with the un derstanding yon must like the way it quickly allays the cough or you are to have your money back. CREOMULSION for Coushs, Chest Colds. Bronchitis WHY PAY MORE? ASPIRIN* WORLD’S LARGEST SELLER AT I Keep your feet dry and warm with SOUS as weft as If • Rub in gently-warming, soothing Ben-Gay for fast relief from muscular soreness and pain. Ben-Gay con tains up to 2 Vi times more methyl salicylate and menthol—famous pain-relieving agents known to every doctor—than five other widely offered rub-ins. Insist on genuine Ben-Gay, the original Baume Analgesique. Also for Pain due to RHEUMATISM, NEURALGIA, and COIRS. Ask for Mild Ben-Gay for Children.