Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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THE NEWBERRY SUN, NEWBERRY, S. C. CROSS TOWN By Roland Coe BOBBY SOX By Marty Links “How long are you going to continue to shake me down for an allowance? Your mother tells me you’re earning five times that amount working for the neighbors!’' TURF CUTTING General Grant first learned about golf in Scotland. His host took him out to the links for a demonstration, and placing the ball on the tee, took a mighty swing. The club hit the turf with a heavy thud, sending chunks of earth flying. The ball ¥e- mained on the tee. Again the host took a nasty slice at the ball. Again it did not budge. Grant watched the exhibition quietly. After the sixth try, he turned to his perspiring host and commented: “There seems to be a fair amount of exercise in the game, but I fail to see the use of the ball.” REALLY CROWDED “You advertised for an attractive, sophisticated recep tionist. Well, I’ll take the job!” NANCY Two little sardines were swim ming aimlessly in San Diego bay. One suggested, “Let’s go up to San Francisco for the week-end.” “Oh, no,” objected his compan ion. “It’s much too long a swim.” “We could go by train,” ventured the first sardine. “What! And be jammed in like people!” Too Busy Tony was being examined for nat uralization as an American citizen, and he was doing very well. He had given the name of the President glibly, and the vice president with only a slight hesitation. “Could you be President, Tony?” was the next question. “Na,” came the answer, prompt ly this time. The examiner nodded approving ly. “And why not, Tony?” Tony squirmed. “You ’scuse me. I gotta steady job now.” Matter of Depth The youthful mountaineer had just been brought into court and sentenced for breach of the peace. Testimony showed that he had done some feuding, featured by his adept handling of a knife. After the trial his grizzled old fa ther stood with a group of cronies on the courthouse lawn. “I swear,” he said, “I don’t, know whar that boy gits his meanness. Now, you take me—I never stuck a knife deep in nobody.” DANGEROUS AGE Jack—How old would you say she is? Jill—Oh, somewhere in the mid dle flirties. Taking the Air My little granddaughter, a very active child three years old, came slowly into the living room. Her mother, always accustomed to see ing her bursting with energy, looked at her and said, worriedly, “Why, Louise, your nose is stopped up. You can hardly breathe.” Louise replied, “Don’t worry, Mama. I’ll just open my mouth and fool my nose.” REG’LAR FELLERS By Gene Byrnes VIRGIL By Len Kleis Imaginary Fishing Sheriff—What you fishin’ fer in that little ole mud hole? Village Idiot—Fishin’ fer sharks, I be! Sheriff — Gosh, all hemlock! They’s no sharks in there, yuh gol- durn simpleton! Village Idiot—Hain’t nothin’ else, neither, so I might as well fish fer sharks. A Way Out John Barrymore rarely was tact ful. Once he was cornered by a so ciety matron, who insisted that he come to dinner the following Satur day. Barrymore, who thought the woman a bore, declined. “I have a previous engagement, madam,” he icily explained, “which I shall make as soon as possible!” Too Hard to Take The weather forecaster hadn’t been right for months, so his resig nation didn’t surprise anybody. But his alibi did tickle the city council. “I can’t stand this town any long er,” his note read. “The climate is killing me.” Neat Definition Teacher — Wha t’s the difference between caution and cowardice? Tommy—Caution is when you’re afraid, and cowardice is when the other fellow’s afraid. Fats and Oils The stout lady stopped at a serv ice station. “I want some oil.” “Heavy?” “Impertinent! Keep your oil!” About Face! Momma—Why did you kick your little brother in the stomach? Jennings—Well, it was his own fault. He turned around. SEWING CIRCLE PATTERNS juniors ejCihe a ^Jilted ^Yl^jidri^ ddci$i£-to- / lAdear ^Jdome ^droch Junior Date Dress TUST THE THING for romantic summer evenings — a cleverly styled junior date dress with the popular figure-paring midriff, full dirndl skirt, pert wing sleeves. Picture it in a colorful printed fabric accented with narrow white ruffling at neck and sleeves. * * * * Pattern No. 8973 comes in sizes 11, 12. 13, 14. 16 and 18. Size 12 requires 3 yards of 35 or 39-inch fabric; 2y 2 yards ma chine made ruffling. Machine stitch around button holes twice before working them by hand in children’s underwear and nightclothes. Buttonholes will last longer and children will be more likely to handle their open ing and closing themselves. —•— A lump of glossy starch rubbed over the grease spot on the wall paper will absorb the grease. —•— To remove a fishy smell from dishes, soak them in salt water before washing them. —•— There is more carotene in car rots that are in their prime than in young or old carrots. —•— Green peppers arid celery sprin kled with tomato sauce and added to leftover meat make a good sandwich spread or filler between layers of biscuit dough. — •— Sit at work whenever you can. Tired backs and feet slow up work and make you less efficient. Much ironing can be done sitting as well as standing. Sit while you pare vegetables. Keep everything you need within easy reach and use your best tools for each task. —•— Men’s shirt collars will fray less if turned up before being laun dered. Slenderizing House Dress L OOK CRISP and cool at the breakfast table in this jiffy-on button front house frock that’s so easy to care for. Bold ric rac trims the pretty sweetheart neck and ample pockets, the set in belt slims you nicely. You’ll want several in different fabrics. Pattern No. 8989 is for sizes 34, 36, 38, 40, 42, 44, 46 and 48. Size 36, 3% yards of 35 or 39-inch; SVa yards trimming. Due to an unusually large demand and current conditions, slightly % more time is required in filling orders for a few of the most popular pattern numbers. Send your order to: SEWING CIRCLE PATTERN DEPT. 530'South Wells St. Chicago 7, 111. Enclose 25 cents in coins for each pattern desired. Pattern No Size NTamp* Address- V.S. You can also get this cereal in Kellogg’s VARIETY—6 different cereals, 10 generous packages, in one handy carton I Full-strength yeast acts faster because it’s fresh! Fleischmann’a fresh active Yeast goes right to work—makes sweeter, tastier bread . . . helps insure use Fleischmann’s active, fresh Yeast with the familiar yellow label. Depend able—America’s time-tested favorite for over 70 years.