Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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THE NEWBERRY SUN, NEWBERRY. S. C. CROSS TOWN By Roland Coe BOBBY SOX “I did hear a screeching noise, Mom. But I didn't know whether it was you—or one of our shells!” ‘I can only stay for a minute—unless you have a secret you’re not supposed to tell me, too!” NANCY By Ernie Bushmiller Two enterprising young pro moters sought to interest a certain Philadelphia banker in financing one of their schemes. They stood be fore the banker's palatial office. “I’ll go in and see him,” said one of the young men. “You wait right here until I come back.” By some lucky fluke the promoter succeeded in gaining an audience with his intended victim. The bank er listened closely to his proposi tion, and then sent him out to his secretary. The secretary turned him over to the office manager, the office manager shunted him along to a junior clerk, and the junior clerk passed him along to the jani tor. The janitor gently booted him out into the street. “Well, what did you get?” his part ner sarcastically inquired. “Nothing, nothing,” rejoined the other, “but, boy, has that fellow got a system!” GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY Magistrate—What induced you to strike your wife? " Husband—Well, your honor, she had her back to me, the broom was handy and the back door was open, so I thought I’d take a chance. Hard Reading The Rev.' C. T. Brady, whose book: “A Missionary in the Far West,” is filled with kindness and humanity, has not hesitated to laugh at himself in the following story: Dr. Brady was one day urging his congregation to make some real sacrifice for the cause of missions, suggesting that they even refrain from purchasing any book they might desire, in order to put that sum into the box. “Mr. Brady,” said one clever lady, "I had intended to buy your book and read it, but I have concluded to follow your advice, and give the money to the mission.” “Then,” generously exclaimed Mr. Brady, “allow me to lend you my own copy to read.” She smiled and thanked him, whereupon, rather unfortunately, he continued, “But after all, Mrs. Jen kins, there doesn’t seem to be any sacrifice on your part in this trans action, for you enjoy the happy consciousness of giving the money and having the book as well.” “No sacrifice?” she replied, “Why, I have to read the book!” Scriptural Quotes Applying for a parole, Ted Bentz, member of the notorious “Baby Face” Nelson gang, sent the follow ing statement to the state parole board: “In Luke 11:10, Christ says: “Ev eryone that asketh receiveth and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened. By virtue of this, how about a pa role?” The parole board formally replied with another verse from the same chapter: Trouble me not; the door is now shut—Luke 11:7. CALLED HIS BLUFF Discouraged by a laundry that kep't sending his clothes back so shrunk out of shape he couldn’t get into them, a customer finally got mad and sent them a large railroad spike. To it he wired a note saying: “I’ll bet you can’t shrink this.” Eventually the laundry returned to him a small bundle. In it was a carpet tack. It said: “The heck we can’t.” . Well Matched “I see,” remarked Mr. Jones, “that a man who speaks six lan guages has just married a woman who speaks three.” “That,” replied the long-wedded Mr. Brown, “seems to be about the right handicap.” How About Squeaky Shoes? Agent (showing house)—You have no children, dog, phonograph or pi ano? Tenant—No. But I must tell you —my fountain pen leaks. SEWING CIRCLE PAHERNS (jaij, ^>ca (foped ^^roch C^ool S(irlivafJter for ^Sft yammer Gay Two-Fiecer A GAY and delightful two-piece dress to give your wardrobe a lift. Scallops make a striking fin ish for the jacket, the gently flared peplum tends to minimize your waist. Grand for year-’round wear in almost any fabric. Pattern No. 8855 is for sizes 12. 14. 16. 18 and 20. Size 14, short sleeves, 4 :! a yards of 35-inch material. Smart Shirtwaister H ERE’S a frock you’ll just about live in all summer—the smart and versatile shirtwaister. Dropped shoulders are cool and comfort able, the graceful gored skirt fits to perfection. Try it in a brightly striped fabric, with the stripes con trasting in yoke and sleeves. • * • Pattern No. .1358 comes in sizes 14. 16, 18. 20; 40. 42. 44 and 46. Size 16 requires SVz yards of 39-inch material. SEWING CIRCLE PATTERN DEPT. 530 South Wells St. Chicago 7, 111. Enclose 25 cents in coins for each pattern desired. Pattern No. Size Name- Address- Accidental cuts in garments usually tear threads both ways and should be mended at once. Other wise the cut will stretch and lose its shape making mending the more difficult. - -•— Slip buttons over a wire hairpin and twist the ends together the minute buttons are removed from the garment. Drop them into your regular button box and they’re ready when you need them. —•— If you are smart, you will place knit garments in drawers rather than hang them up. Hanging stretches them. To give a pleasing aroma to your household linens, store scented soaps with them. —•— Never set a vase or bowl of flow ers in a draft. If you do, they will soon wilt. —•— . A bird house with a hinged roof makes an attractive clothespin box when attached to a clothesline post. HOWTO “KNOW” ASPIRIN Just be sure to ask for St. Joseph Aspirin. There’s none faster, none stronger. 100 tablets cost only 35c. Why pay more? Be sure to demand St. Joseph Aspirin, SWAP/ CRACKLE! AND TOP! SAY' rici P C You can also get this cereal In Kellogg’s VARIETY—6 dif- • O. ferent cereals, 10 generous packages, in one handy carton! Get sweeter, tastier bread! use FLEISCHMANN’S FRESH jen# YEAST FULL-STRENGTH! Fleischmann’s fresh active Yeast starts working right away! All the strength of the yeast brings out all the flavorful goodness of your bread. Be surer of sweet taste—light texture—fragrant freshness every time! IF YOU BAKE AT HOME, insist on Fleischmann’s fulf-strength, fresh active Yeast with the familiar yellow label. De pendable—America’s favorite yeast for over 70 years.