Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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-4 THE NEWBERRY SUN, NEWBERRY. S. C. BOBBY SOX “Richard, I would like you to meet my cousin—and I’d also like to emphasize that she’s leaving for home next Monday!” CROSS TOWN By Roland Coe “What’ll they cut besides whiskers?’ NANCY By Ernie Bushmiller HARD TO PROVE Voltaire was an agnostic and fre juently made offensive remarks tc religious people. “I would be glad to sell my place in heaven for as little as a dollar,” remarked the French philosopher to a merchant. • “Sir,” replied the devout mer chant, “I never buy anything until { am first certain the seller actually Dwns it. If you prove you have a right to a place in heaven. I’ll glad- '*» buy it from you for $25,000.” FULLEST CO-OPERATION Advertising Agent—Would you en dorse our hair tonic for five hun dred dollars? Film Star (casually)—Make it a thousand and I’ll actully use the Uupid stuff! Cabinet Work Employer — I advertised for a “first class carpenter.” Can you do all kinds of cabinet work? Applicant—Certainly, sir. Employer—Can you make a Vene tian blind? Applicant—Certainly, sir. Employer — How would you go about it? Applicant—I’d stick my thumb in his eye, si-. Facing an Emergency Girl Passenger—What’s the mat ter, driver? You went right through that stop light! Taxi Driver—I know. There’s something wrong with my motor, I can’t stop the engine. G. P. (indignantly — Well, you might at least turn off the meter, then! Science at Work First Professor — I have discov ered by my researches that influ enza is both affirmative and nega tive. Second Ditto—Indeed? And exact ly what do you mean? F. P. — Well, sometimes the Eyes have it, and sometimes the Nose! Not in the Book Kay—I wonder if she’s a good cook? May—Confidentially, no. The oth er day I dropped by her house and she was trying to open an egg with % can opener. Last CaU Myron—Look here, I’m asking you for the last time for that dollar you owe me! Byron—Thank heaven! That’s the ••nd of hearing about it, then. Stolen Pun Bill—I read in the papers where someone broke into the cheese fac tory. Will—What did he get? Bill—Every scent! NOT IN 9E HEAD Mother—Why are you crying. Jimmy? Jimmy—P-p-pop hit his finger with the ha-hammer. Mother—Don’t cry at a thing like that. Why didn’t you laugh? Jimmy—I-I-I did. know Hired and Fired Boss—Do you think you enough to work here? New Boy—Why sure! The last place I worked, the manager said I knew too much. And How! Daisie—I’ve lost quite a lot of weight recently. Maisie—I can’t see it. Daisie—Of course not. I’ve lost it. Human Bulldozer Joe—With his big feet, I don’t see how the Seabees ever took him. Jeff—I understand they use him to stamp out new airfields. This is Corny Sarge—Have you heard the story about the ear of corn? Rookie—No, I haven’t. Sarge—Then ask the kernel. Sea Sick, Too Harry—Of what does the Atlantic icean remind you? Jerry—You, it’s so seldom quiet! Speaking Frankly He—Do you mind if I smoke? She (coldly)—I don’t care if you burn! SETTING CIRCLE 1SEEDLECRAFT Bib-Top Apron in Filet Crochet Everyone admires a hostess who looks fresh, so crochet this apron for yourself; or for gifts 1 Pattern 7232 has directions; chart. Sewing Circle Needlecraft Dept. 564 W. Randolph St. Chicago 80, 111. Enclose 16 cents for Pattern No„ Name_ Address- No Wheels on Gandhi Ross Hadley, the sportsman flier, wanted to take Mahatma Gandhi on his first flight, but Gand hi said: “J’d have wings if I were meant to fly.” Demanded Ross, who knew that the Mahatma went motoring* “Where are your wheels?” p'LITTING from party to pantry 1 is fun when you wear this dainty bib-top apron in easy filet crochet! Make it without the bib. too. Dip liver in hot water before dic ing or chopping to save juices. —•— A small new paint brush is handy to have for cleaning the crumbs out of your toaster. —e— Yellowed piano keys can be cleaned with a cloth dipped in cologne water. Be careful not to touch the black keys. —•— Popcorn balls made on sucker sticks are a nice treat for the children when simple refresh ments are in order. —•— Never press a wool garment completely dry. Place it on a hanger after pressing and pat seams out with the hands. Allow to finish drying on the hanger. Try Making Cough Syrup at Home. Quick Relief Saves Big Dollars. No Cooking. No matterwhat you usually use for coughs due to colds, you’ll be more than surprised when you make up this simple home mixture and give It a trial. You’ll wonder why you never used It before. It certainly does the work In a hurry. Make a syrup by stirring 2 cups of granulated sugar and one cup of water a few moments, until dis solved. No cooking Is needed—It’s no trouble at all. Or you can use com syrup or liquid honey, if desired. Get from your druggist 2H ounces of Pinex. Pour this into a pint bottle and dll up with your syrup. This makes a full pint—a family supply— and gives you about four times as much for your money. It tastes fine, and never spoils. Children love it. And for quick action, you’ve never seen its superior. It loosens the phlegm, soothes the Irritated mem branes, eases tho soreness, makes oreathing easier, and lets you sleep. Pinex Is a special compound of proven ingredients, in concentrated form, a famous reliable soothing agent for throat and bronchial Irri tations. Money refunded if it doesn’t please you in every way.—Adv. HOWTO “KNOW” ASPIRIN Just be sure to ask for St. Joseph Aspirin. There’s none faster, none stronger. 100 tablets cost only 35c. Why pay more? Be sure to demand St. Joseph Aspirin. PEPPEH? Don’t let pepper %hort.;z* r^.r^\ynt t* tor ment of foods. Sene for vuthygii fttudv tion pepper. Has plenty o ' good taste. Priced below O. ■ ney by sending $1.00 for five Z ci ages. Also delivered CO.D. 1EV'- <u >t.00 Company, Inc. verv chan . Albany, GeCf&i*. easy way to UNCOIK STUFFY KSSnilLS Whan nostrils are clogged, and your nose feels raw, membranes swollen, reach for cooling, sooth ing Mentholatum. Spread it inside nostrils . . . and snuff well back. Instantly it starts to 1) Help thin out thick mucus; 2) Soothe irritated membranes; 3) Help reduce swelling; 4) Stimu late local blood supply to “sick” area. Every breath brings quick, welcome relief. To open stuffy nostrils, get effective Mentholatum today, the Medicated Nasal-Unguent. Jars, tubes 30<. TESTEb AND. FOUND EFFECTIVE BY A , GROUP OF NOSE AND THROAT SPECIALIST? 'MUSCLE PAINS can do it to you —make you feel old—look drawn and haggard, sorktoxe Liniment contains methyl salicylate, a most effective pain-relieving agent. And Soretone’s cold heat action brings yon fast, so-o-o-thing relief. 2. Quickly Sorclone acts to en- I hance local circulation. Z. Check muscular cramps. 3. Help reduce local swelling. 4. Dilate surface capillary blood vessels. For fastest action, let dry, rub in again. There’s only one Soretone— insist on it for Soretone results. 50c. Big bottle, only $1. MONEY BACK- IF SORETONE DOESN’f SATISFY '‘and McKesson makes it’* SORETONE soothes fast with COLD HEAT* ACTION in cases of MUSCULAR LUMBAGO OR BACKACHE to fatigue or exposure MUSCULAR PAINS SORE MUSCLES due to overwork MINOR SPRAINS ♦Though applied cold, rube facient ingredients in Sore tone art like heat to increase Ihe superficial supply of blood to the are* and induce a glowing sense of warmth.