The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, December 09, 1885, Image 1

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y ll? I jr M. .Wi ^ ititi* LAURENS C. H., S. C., WEDNESDAY, AUGUST If), 1885. NO. 3 THE RI6E OF Tifio CHESTNUT It is ii matter of reproach to our so cial scientists that thu Imbits and cus toms pf tho joke have received so littlo attention, it is nu error of tho vulgar to BlippO30 that :i juke la n literary iuo toor that Dashes across the intellectual sky for a moment and then disappears forever. Even trained observers have been deceived into expressing much tho samo opinion; and a colobratod scientist, whoso services to mankind justify us in concealing his nanto in connection with thc charge, was hoard .to declare that a joke v.-.s "au instance of intellectual aberration unworthy of serious attention." Nothing could bo further from tho facts. Loaving asido any dipoussion of tho first causo ?of tho joko, which would involvo us in tho obscurities of metaphysical discussion, wo may BtatO boldly that tho joko has well-delincd habits and peculiarities, and a study of its history and develop ment is well worthy the attention of the foremost minds in science It is evident to any obscrvor thal tho joko may ho accurately divided into races and nationalities. No ono who had paid tiio slightost attention to tho subject could possibly mistako a Gor man joko fur a French joke, or a Flench jukw for a British joke. In fact, they are as plainly marked nfl' from each other as any two breeds of dogs, ami each undoubtedly has its different habits. An adequate discussion of tho HUbjoctcan nut oven be outlined in this column. Nevertheless as a sundi con tribution lo au important subject, wo offer the following account of a singlo member of tho large and interesting family known ?is tlc- American joke: lt is eight months or moro since tho chostnut joke first saw tho light. Its birth is involved in obscurity, in spito ol earnest efforts to trace its nncestrv. In the early days of its existence it gaYO no aigri <>i coining greatness. Wo know the story of the school al Brion nc, where Bourionno took thc prizes over Napoleon; Bourionno is now re membered not us the "prizo boy," but as Nopoloou's sccrotary. In a 1 i ko manner Un; tin-pan joke or the nigger baby juke of even dale, willi tho chost nut Seemed surer of fame. At tho time the chestnut appeared Ibo paiut-thc lown-red joke was at tho Uolgbt of its lanie. Its monthly appearance in Jan uary was twenty-six thousand seven hundred and forty-six, willoh is sur passed only by its unprecedented No vember record ul lliirly-cigltt thousand yine hundred, ?lue lo Hie looal disturb ing cause nf a Democratic victory that month al tho polls. For thu same month the chestnut appeared in public but a bcguarly ono hundred and eleven times. Ui'evious lo lhat dato it was so insignificant as not to seem worthy of record. Starting from this point, wo soo tho gradual rise of tho chesnut and the corresponding decline of paint-thc towa-red. in February tho chestnut appeared twelve hundred and forty four times, and the paint-tho-lown-red appeared twenty-live thousand niuo hundred and fourteen times. This docs not necessarily indicate any falling off in the popularity of tho latter, for tho cdfect of hard limes was most severely felt lhat mouth, the total output of jokes being six per cent under that of January; bul th?: increase of the chest nut joke under such unfavorable cir cumstances is truly signilioant. Tho following mouth palnt-thu-town-rod nearly held ils own, appearing twenty live thousand seven hundred and nine teen time-, but the chestnut increased lo ihh'ty-two hundred. Tao following month it increased by eleven hundred, while tim paint-lhc-town-rod declined by Denny tho saine ll nhl bot'. But in the month of May the chestnut leaped nt one astonishing nound lo fourluoa thousand seven hundred and eighty ap pearances. Ils only ono livid coming down something less than tho samo ligure. lt is .scarcely neee-isary to go furthor into deiai.s. The August returns givo a tolai ol more than tweniy-nino thous and uppqntalices tor incciieslnut,while its rival is all but as extinct as Mr. Crawford's "dado." Tho reports for the lirst half of tho present month in dicate that the total will fall littlo if any belo v that of August, although the ieturn-of-the-suiuincr-hoardor has acted ns a disturbing oloinont. Wo may ilSMlfdo however, from tho fore going figured that tim ohos tn Ut has re:.ched in full deveiopmout, and is doomed to a speedy decline. It is dau serous to generalizo nom but two or three instances, but from tho obvious similarity of I he caroora <>f tho success fid American jok , ii ll almost cortain that their existen :o is determinod by llxcd nnd Imuiutablo laws. Wo havo not tho Uguie* ot had to verify this statcmont, but wo pronounce it in all conlidenco. We may suppose, therefore that tho chestnut must follow tho path alroady troddVn bv paint-tho-town-rod and its prodeeossors, and. after seeing tho rise of some successful rival that is ovon now In tho obscure throng, will bocoino extinct in about eight months, its riso Las taken an equal longth of limo, lu spito of a few woll-known oxcoptiona whoro a joko has boen nblo to survivo in a toothless, mumbling condition fof two or throe yoars, wo may aafoly state that tho iivorago lifo of the suc cessful Aaiorican joke is sixtoon or, at tho moat, eighteen months. Tho sub . 5octda ono of much inlorost.and should attract sonio young and onthusiastlo social scientist. .'I atti ? vory"umid man," writes a subscriber I* Ohio. "l ftm ".Ifou! constitutionally timid; a vory coward, ba fact. I stn ?shamed of lt, but 1 ' can't help it. Now. what profession or occupation eau I adopt In tho prac tice of.which I will bo roost perfectly ?nfc from harm or danger?" Goto France, roy son; go to Franco and bo ?duelist. Or you mi<;ht romalo in . America and lie a pugi. -Sb"-brooklyn Euglo. There'll bo a protty how-do-do ll WO t. y.~.-j - among Now Jmvy lawyers if the conn,follow un tho |tf-i'cedcnt t$i?> lUhod by ViocChaniollor Bird In bis decision that a lawyer who inducos a client to give mi W-OOO wortftagofor $970 and then ?oils it himself torW.iW nuut turn the prudi ..vcr lo Ibo client Imuesd of pookeih.$ ?I himself. Jptsey pettifogger Will b?il >o ?eo the uso ol being lawyers If they have to be tu* honest a?other men.--UtetUown (fa.) Curl'tu* Coins. "What is that curious-looking eop^ per piocoP" asked; h reporter ot aUcal or in old coins. ' That is tho Rotuna Acs, a coin which was in usc in Koine about 2,200 yours ago. It is un original; it could not bc spurious, mid for tho reason that though tho coiu itself. SO far a< its outward bil apo is concerned, might b,j i counterfeited, it would bu Imposable to imitate tho red patilla, ' br "Abating, upon it. You soo, this coin Iii? two coatin/gs of colored matter-ono green aild tho other rod. Well, tho green can bc imitated by modern ingenuity, but tho red Staff can not bo pul upon counterfeit coins by any process tit prosent known to the world. "Where do you got those ancient coins that woro in uso so many years agoP Whcro are they found?" "Well, you seo, pcoplo in thoso an cient times did not have banks and bank vaults to deposit their wealth in for safc-keoping. As you Know, tho Kornaus wore almost constan ?ly at warfare With others, and thoso "who had money would frequently hide il ill tho earth or secure il in the walls of their dwellings when they went to liiu wars. Those who were killed loft, quito oftOD, 1)0 trace of where I hoir wealth was biddon, and so ii rom ai noil to bu resurrected by some modern relie hunter. A great many ancient coins have been found also in river beds. 1 think that in many instances they were put into rivers by people who wished to havo their history remembered hy tho coining ages. There havo been coins found in ibo Thames near old London bridge by which wo eau trace many of tho Kornau emperors. Tho fact that they huvu thus been found in order scorns lo clearly indicate that they were deposited on purpose by per sons desirous of perpetuating tho names of tho rulers. Tims, by thcau coins of ancient Koine, man)' things pertaining to that great empire, which ruled as mistress of tho World are inado known to us. Many things arc indeli bly impressed upon the mind by glanc ing at tiieso coins nuil afterward be coming interested in thu subjuot. 1 do uot believe there cati be a belter educator of the history of any cou ll I ry than a collection of its coins. Ibu symbolic devices and inscriptions upon thom have a priceless V.tiuo in lixing upon tho mimi tho great facts and un? odis to which they refer. Not only does this apply lo ancient coins; ii is equally lino of modern coins. Here is something that to the thinking man in dicates agr?ai social and business rev olution in the manner ami customs of tho pcoplo who uso it, for hero you seo a specitnou of thu largest coin ever J; now n to bo ill uso miy where. " Tho reporter was ?truck with aina/.e mout when informed that .the inigo squaro copper phittor-liko affair was it coin. Proceeding, thu dealer ?aid: "Yes, it is a Swedish pioeo and gen erally weighs from (J to 7 pounds. This ono woig is G} pound-;, lt is 1"^ inches wide by OJ Inches long, and is a very raro coin, lt was mudo during tho roigu of Frederick, king of Swollen, in tho year 17~'.J. lu the emter of tho piece, inclosed in u circle, you see tho stamp '4-dolor,' und underneath tho words 'Silt (bynt' (silver money), and in ouch of tlie four corners, and m or der to prevent tho coin hoing clipped, thoy wore stamped with the royal coat of arms."-Boulon (Lobe. i .oi ?i f?oughton'H Peon Harli les. As a poet it is easy to underrate Lord Houghton, and it Is equally easy to overrate him. With him il was ail of lito to live, if not all of death to die. To such thc richest fountains of poeti cal inspiration mo never opel,ed. It may bo doubted wholhcr any poet of lils time, howover, moro adequately ex pressed what aud nil of what ho felt and wished to say. Persons of doubt ful positions and things of a moro or loss disorderly character had a strange fascination for ids muse AS they li td for him -elf. Ho folt mt lively a curiosity to know a phenomenally bad niau us a phenomenally good one, partly, per haps, bo?ausu according to convention al standards tho latter aro the rarer Nothing human or inhuman lay beyond tho rango of his Curiosity- a pi miliar? ity Which I oneo beard illustrated by tho following story. Whetlu r Iruo or not, there is nothing improbable about it. A criminal was to bu hiing at niuo o'clock, tho event to bo announced to tho public by tho tiring of a gun. Soma ono ut Houghton'* breakfast table re marked that it was after nine and tho gun had not boon tired; tho execution, thorofore, must havo been postponed. "Oh no," promptly replied his sister; "tho mau luis surely been hung, or brother would havo had him hore at bruakfast." Whether from a spirit of generous toleration, or charity, or lovo of fair play, or sympathy for tho Weak? or party, or a curious taste for tho paradoxical, or nil thoso combined, his muso scorned to havo been coiisocratod to tho defenso ot people and conduct that woro ou tho defensive. Though not ranking with tho great pouts of Ino world, Lord Houghton long beforo his doatli hud secured for himself an en during pl:.ce among tim poets of Eng land.-lion. John Bigelow, in Harper s Magatine for iSovcmUe,r. Wi.i.ted i .li/. ii> i ii, Anyway. Hor affections center upon a doll whoso name-the longos, tier tonguo could frame nt tho timo it was bestow ed-is Elizabeth. For some misde meanor ot unusual gravity this young lady was sent to bcd at nil early hour, and in tho woo attending tho Infliction of this punishment abe formt to tako with hor tho cherished Elizabeth to .diam her couch. Roiilizlng hor deso lation sbo summoned hor mother by calls from tho chamber: . "Munmin! I want Elizabeth. PlcasO bring Elisabeth up to mel" 'Ibis mitigation of tho p..nulty was denied; but tba demand WU* ropeated, oaoh refusal being followod by a yoi more petulant raquent, until linully thoro came a suggestion of thu hutt io iort of maternal disciplino: "Neil'?. 1 nui it?t'rtui 1 miall havo to como up and punish you." Quick cunio tim responso, punctuat ed with sobs: "Well, when you como up, pienso brlug Elizabeth."--/ o?ton iiecord. 1 l'KKSO?. \I, l'AilAOP?AVllS. ~MV. H. Gilbeijt, Mr, Sullivan's col abo u er, is io pass rtto winter in Egypt. _ -KlngThocbaw is a handsome young fell k).W pf I twenty-six. -{-Col. J. Annoy Knox, of TcXftS &ij[till(f*i lois admitted that bo ju tho auifhor of ..Itoftuliful Snow.'' .Mle?rgO Wi Coble, Un1 novelist, bas beebo'" Su,,,.h.iy'behool toucher at' bi-; 'm'w hohiu i:1 Northampton, Mas?. ".'**. ... -Edwin Mooth wa- llfiv-two Vi \tl}'*. old on November L'0,ti nd iielebVuloti'fj tho anniversary in ti quiet way lu Hal- ', timor?. I ( - Dr. Albert Thompson, a y.-ung! Irish physician, lias been presold,! tl I I willi Ibo Abell medal for remo vii poison in a caso of diphtheria by sue lng il away. - Hr. Alvarez, Um (anion-; French I ] llOtnueopaHlisr, bul, win? believes in bi; 1 doses in Hie way ol' bills, med for $125,000'fbr medical attoudanco ot' a M Princess, bili was awarded oulv $17,- ' OOo, though be bad refused $80,000 to ;1 compromise the mal ter. - Sam dones managed to keep on. ! , of thc way of tho oycFono in his North- j Western tour, but. he ha-- met with a terrible blow in the discover) that ; bogus Sam dones has been doing cit- I. tirely successful revival work through I rove ra I towns in Minnesota. --A colored citizen ot'l*i ince Edward county, Virginia, ascribes Cen, Lee's election lo'ila; lad timi ho carried charms. kio says Im "seed 'oin.'' When asked what tho ? harm- were, he said, thc ?cit hind toot ol' a graveyard tabbil, a vial ol' sliuupwntcr, and n coon bone toothpick. -Schiefer, the billinrdist, when playing wears lull evening die--, lie has a linc diamond stud in his shirt. Maurice Vignnux also wears a bill dress suit. Iiis diamond stud is worn in the shirt-collar. Schalter cnrrii - his cues in a green .nek, and a piece of chalk in one ol' his vest pockets. Vlguaux carries hisjoiuti d slick in a leal her case. - day Gould's father, a staid, honest old farmer in Dclcwnrc county, Now York, had very little faith in his son's capacity to get on, because he was liol fond ol'chopping, ploughing, towing or reaping. When thc lad decided i quit lils rural homo, tho elder Gould, it is said, handed him hall' a dollar, and tobi him Ito would curtaiuly go to the devil. And he is still going there. -Judge Kelley says that Ins p;-< soul good health h hugely due to Iiis mas lory ot'the tobacco habit. Ile burned the weed live and ll fi y years and ho actually has slop! with tho quid in his mouth. Now hu neilin r (ouches nor tastes tho Stuff and tho blood fri ls much belier in his vein.-, limn when the globules boro with thom a burden of nicotine. -Sir Noel Paton has nf proscnl on his easel, far advanced toward com pletion, a picture for'Qucun Vii i ?ria, which deserves some notice on account of the purpose for which it is designed as well as for its own sako, Thc pi - tare is to be thu centrepiece in the private oratory ut Osborne, lis sui: jed is ( 'brist in thc Garden liiuling the three Disciples asleep, mid its proper title is "Vigtlato el Orate." lt is to be placed over Ibo prayer desk, be tween two other! pict ores by tho same artist, replions ol larger work-, enti tled res-spectivefy, "The (.dod Shop herd" and "Thc Man Qi'Sorrows." Thc three pictures thus form in cll'ool a trirtych, though they will nol be aU'ectnnl?y joined. HOW To oo'io OHAltLlSSTOX. Tlio i'iip .siioi teiir.l, and .Umbi Mero Aureo able Ullin formerly. Thc traveling public aro greatly in debted to the Atlantic I'ta-t Linc for the making of a new and most agreea ble ronlo from the up-country to Charleston. This lino extends Crom Columbio to Suinter by the. Wilming ton, Columbia & Antills tn Railroad, thence to Lane's by tho Central, and from Loues to Charleston by thc North eastern. Thc Coast Linc, already con trolling the W. C. ?' A. and tho N. E. il. P., bad but to build the Central, forty-one miles, long, to havo this now route from Columbia to Charleston, one hundred and thirty-seven miles long. Thc work was finished a littlo overa year ago, and the new linc has steadily grown in popularity. The first Improvement waa in tho shorten ing of tllO tillie between thc capital and tho metropolis --- w Pleb, ol cours.., brought thc competing line to do a well, till now thc trip ls made in threo hours and twenty minutes. When il was made, a few yeats ago, in livo hours, conservative pimple thought that progress in rapid transit had reached a climax 1 To make such good limo requires a first-rate road-bed, and first-class roll ing-dock. TheSO tho Coast Linc has provided, and tho comfort of the trav eler is infinitely greater than in tho good old days when twenty miles an hour constituted the height of railroad ambition, Of course in making such speed, there is no such waste ns "t\v my minutes [or less] for Hiipper." There is, thoretorc, a buffet car, furnished with comfortable revolving chairs, whereon the passenger may sit, :n at the table of a first-class hotel, nod enjoy bis ''snack" in peuce and at leisure. Tho menu is simple, but nicely pro pared and, nicely Served. It I* nil that tho traveler wants tor sup per or for breakfast. The prices charg ed are very reasonable. The eon tras I between a meal (?) at die average railroad eating-house and the "binu-k" on thc bullet ol the Coast line is very suggestive of Mark Twain's "Five minutes for dinner-America," and "Thirty minutes for dinner--France." Tho price of tickets is thc nnme on all lines. . - Frank Malton, Assistant Poll Utas? tor-General, says it makes him sick bo hear tho word "reformer," niul tolls tho reason why. thus: "Thomen who called themselves reformers used io como up and comp oui in the corridors of tho Post?nico Department whilo thoy demanded offices for their rela tives ftud eton for their wlvos' rela tives." He >-ivll?x ibo ItU'.o. lt wv ti a Nebraska j.i, tavern, ..>?. loo?, tltld renl-?stiltc ; .ev combined. Tho dicr'df ci-?.i . nut . > woiooiw) tho traveler, itiu! .'.> .> ? ? .. .... heuveryulc? sor;, o? a lunn. "Thing-- i .!;*! ju : I*il \\??:it 'ctn, you kiioW," ho .'.;.?#..? .? lieully uh-> served, "L.u; lui . country, and wo CHU*i h uvoryitnii;; nt otioo. Make yoll|'SU?? ill L.) ;?...;i.5 VVilllu lllO oail wotuuu dooks dinner." Wi.?lo Uti hi ii;: for lim ??roiiti.ud ini'iil (ino oi tito lix . or six t.. ?;. munging u()!?ii.'A'.'-U? pbiub untyred m.! room Mid asked :il>V:' ..?. i?r W oh.icco. '? rtv - ., . . . ".Jim. you uiusu'l lio '.i you really" :;oi n't,'1 ?tdd tho landlord. "1 want :<> ?i ? what's rigid lind fun, hi : i must I raw tho lino bli* o tv he iv. Von inrd.s must not .: >. ;?. |>ti \ on; JU :;n equality willi tho . . - o. y iotul." "A j dl-blnl, do jon .. lyF' quivered I ?bo trayejor, as Jim u u.i'ii.iiv. ; "Yes. He's in toi iv... mouthe. All j .hal crow., otu lh.i;v j "n.*' ; "Hui ivh.jio ? iti? j ..i.' ' .'Hight .i:iii;i:. . . .. . .10 siivct'mltUOd palace, .i'.i admit, hit h's tn. hcjit ti?! ?on ii ty c:i;i ..n'oi .i."' "Vi I: .;. . do J oi. io.-:. '. , ii jj?" "Nu .v a- :'J'IILI. ;? look on j my door." "olini y? hm ptuvetiU 'om troin run-1 lin:;' oil.'" "Nomina in |iortioi:h',r. it el;on Lhoy'ii .... blear ..!!::.; UM (ho grill) -?ls ?loo:- : ! ,? ..ii? ;,; \\ u{, v t?j0 ivlil.sk \. ' ' "And _\oi. .. o 'l liy . -. 'ctn?" t'i i? ? . jailor, timi : : : > . ? . count) -.t .lon.., nm !.. .. ir.uttj'; (?ti! t.... hh?iv burdoufi on in -St : york tjuta drinker, lu,i lim-dis in sh? ellbrt.s of killd ii'.: lo . I V ;.. c Io IJtrOlV 0?I the awful Imbil," i; '. speaker at :.. Koo tucky ??u.; ' . .TC . meeting. "Don't you kimi hanker lifter it now"'" asked ?. dy !poptie in thu' ornwd. "No, .-it, not ne ut'.- vvorili." "How did you Stop?" ".In ?I look tl little whisky now mid Iholi, until tim taste for beor was wholly ora lien tod. It was a glorious triumph, gentlemen." -Wit. hit*. -.?>.. fino i Wo.. .>.' :U . f.lro SavliijrJWervlee, The iinnual report ol' tho superin etidcul oftiic life saving service shows hat thc number of disasters lo docu iiontcd vesssels within tin; flold of sta ion operations during I bc year whs ???. There v. m c on board ol'these I ,'essels 2,20(1 persons, of whom 2,190 Vern saved and only (Oil lost. The Kimber of iddpwrecked persons who 'octiivcii succor ai Blutions wits ?I'.*', to ivhom 1,118(1 days' relief in lite nggre pilo was ali'..nlci!. Thc ostinitdod raino of Ibo vcVols involved in those lisastdrs Wits $ft,ol9,."..?', an I of (hu lingoes .-i,o- i.'jo... 'J I...- total value of ho properly imperilled \vi*.s$ 1,(50l, I.Vi. )f this amount $:),:i?2,7(?0 was saved iud gi ,2?l,09? lost. The number of les cl - totally lost was 59. Thu following bible gives ti siinimu .V ol'thc statistics of Ibo service from ho introduction of ibo present system ! n 1871 to, tho end ol'(bc Ilseal veur, I'ho loss of Ufo slated below Includes 8:1 lost nt ibo wrecks of (he Ttur?n iud (ho Hfctvopolixt\vh\c\i tire really tot chargeable lo Hie service: fol iii iiuuiberol disasters.. 2,918 /Abie of property in vol veil.$.*?!,70:1,(591 /ailie ol' property saved... "10,277,920 iriihm of properly Ibsl. I5,'l80,7(?? dumber of persons involved 20,09:1 ^umhoi'of persons saved... 2?,2.i? S'lnnl.er ot'persons lost. I?7 ^umb'?r of porsons succored at slaltdiis. 1,829 iuinber of dave sueoOr nllbrd ed. 13jol3 Deducting from thc number of lives osi sri vi i nbovc tho loss ni wrecks of he Huron und tho Metropolis, lhere H presented Ibo remarkable exhibit of illly 271 io?! within the -cope of the ci vice during tho fourteen years om iraced 1>" thc table. South Carolina nt Sew Orlcaiut. The Xi'tv Orlcius Times-Democrat ays: "in conversing with Mi. A. I., teddeu, lim neting commissioner of louth Carolina, n ropoiiorIcaijitod that io had advices of tho shipment ol' tho ollowing good i for thc exhibit if that ?.Slate, which are expected 0 at'l'I VOID ll ?OW divs: Samples of in i [lizers from sixteen different numil* iieturera, a tpiantlty of sheaf rice, min ral-, from tic celebrated Ilailc gold nines, mineral water from tho denn Iprings, orookcrv made of kaolin iiiiicd in Som Ii Carolina) one block of hi? kaolin will bo cxbltbed, weigliing iver 1,000 pounds; cotton stied meal lid <"il<e. samples of cotton goods rom tivc different largo mills, onibrnc? ng all ciassos of such goods mudo in ho Stale, samples of boots and shoos, woollen goods, chi un ware, bent-wood m ail tu e, and bags and bagging lunn he Charleston Dag Mauufaeuriiig iompany. Thorc will bo ample space irovldctl in this departir.cnt for thc 01 lectivo colored exhibit, which will io both educational and Industrial, lu ho pavilion of South Carolina will he llsplnvod a lui! linc (d' the wines and C(T of the State." The armistice between Bulgaria nd Servia closes one of the hl09t In it iant and satisfactory campaigns ever ought In war-scarrou Eu ropo. ?'i?nre Ucxaildor has achieved ll splendid kmc. lUsioat] of a scorned, snubbed nj depreciated princeling ho ls ap. H'OVOd u natural leader ami sovereign. Ie cannot now be reckoned out in any Cttlernent which the Powers may make if (ho afthir. Hy pursuing (he Ser 'itins across tho border ho has gained he full advantage of his success in a var wantonly forced upon him. Tho ?ragging King Milan will pay for his Igrailiood with his throne, und the [reedy Servians will bc assessed nil he damages. It is ns fino nu example if retributivo justico as war orten fiords. ADVTOK TO MOTllKKS. MRS. WINHI-OW'S SOOTBOKI svm r Miould nl ruysbe oswt tor dill.IOM. teotlilnif. lt sootlics h.. . luid, softens Ute Ruins, nll.iyu all pale. wind colic, ind ts Um best remedy for larr);o>a. TwonV-nTO cont? a Iwttlo. JulyKUyl .? uni) Kidiahln ?*o 1411s. Wliuii two or muru lemnlus bonni a car ;.t Ibo sumo lime, lt's a sign that I hoy aro going lo qutUTuI us lo who whl pa) thu larc, mid that Ihoy will (iuuily end in thu Pitiiudulpbia plan. NV bon a hoiuoh giri ?ind a pretty girl walk ulong ii." ?ircut together, it's ?i sure sign that the homely girl will curry thu parasol, und (hut shu will cover thu pretty girl's taco with it. When ll smalt ho) IS caught with surreptitious urtiuios in his possession, it's ?i .sijpi lh.it " 'ii.nie r fuiiut' done lt." When il pi'ifcOUC iiiturviowoi' in tho still iou hoii'i'*, it' m si ju tiial ho's ?fbi f"" nuwiniii'."'. >t'* iivekty. COLUMBIA & ?;I;T.V;':N.VILL1': U' R? PASSKNUKK 1 >Kf .\liTMi:.V ' On and alter October Ul., iV^J? Passenger Trains will run :is liere> with indicated upon this road and ?ls branches : DAILY, EXCEPT SUNDAYS. No. 55} -lp Pnssonger. Lv < 'olutnbln (C GD) ll 00 n m Ar Alston 12 00 a m Ar New berry l 03 p m Ar Ninety-Six D 2 19 p m .\ r I lodges ."> '21 p m A r Uelloii 1 27 p m Art;reenvide ? ?() p m No. 52-Down Passenger, l.v Greenville 10 00 n m Ar Holton ll 21 a m Ar Hodges 12 .il p in i A r N incl y-Si x l 25 p ra i Ar Newberry ."> 12 p m Ar Alston I 11' p m A r < olumbia ? l? p m I SIVARTANBURG, UNION AND CO- ' ld .MillA. No. 53-Up Passenger. Lv Alston 12 00 p m i A r I rnion 2 17 p m Ar Span'?f, S U &C depot ! l? p m i Ar Spnrt'g, li & D Dep U ? 00 p in No. 52-Down Passenger. Lv S| tirPg ll & I) Dep H ll 05 ii m Lv Spart'g s U & C Dep (i ll 15 a m j Ar Union I 12 p in A r . vl>ton i 00 p m LAURENS RAILROAD, I .v I Iclcna 3 512 p tn A r I itiurcn . i! .it) n m Lv Cuiircus 8 <>o p m A r I (. ?ena 11 00 a m ABBEVILLE BU ANC II. Cv I lodges .'i l? p m Al' Abbeville I l? p m Lv Abbeville ll 00 a in Ar I lodges 12 00 m I)L?H Hil IGE AND ANDERSON BRANCH. I JV Bolton -182 p in Ar Andcison <r> Ol p m Ar Seneca City (i 17 p m Ar Walhalla ' (J -l? p m Lv Walhalla 8 80 a in A r Seneca City 8 60 a in A r A udcrsoii lb 27 a ni Ar Belton ll 02 p m CONNECTIONS. A. With South Carolina Railroad to and from Charleston* with Wilming ton, Columbia and Augusta Railroad from Wilmington and all points north thereof; with Charlotte, Columbia and Augusta Uni I road from Charlotte and all points north thereof. B. Willi Asheville and Spartanburg boin mid for points in Western North Carolina. C. Atlanta and Charlotte Division b'. ?? 1). lt. lt, for Atlanta and points South :i!iil West. (I. H. TA LCM ITT, Superintendent. M. ShAUaitTKIt, Cen. Puss. Acrt. D.CAUDWKLI., A. C. Pass. Agi. MAGNOLIA PASSENGER ROUTE, ti. L. nilli S., A. ami K.. and P. lt. and A. Railways, lu Kil'cctSeptember 27, 1885. TIM RUO rn MER1DIA N-( )NE HOUR SLOWER THAN C. &>. C. lt. H. TIME. UOIKU SOI ill-DAILY. Lv Spartanburg :i 00 p m 7 io a m 1 ,v Moote ;i 27 p in 7 60 a ni Lv Wood ru il' 8 Is p m ?s 25 a in Lv i hiorco I 01 p m ??l a m Lv < Ira I 20 |? m '.' l? a m Lv I .aureus ! !18 p m 45 a ni \ Lv High Point I 69 i? m 10 19 a m Lv Waterloo ? 10 p ni 10 85 a, m Lv ( ioronaca 6 80 p m ll 60 a in Ar Greenwood 5 60 p m 1140 a in Cv ( in enwood 5 60 a m 2 ho p ni Ar Augusta 9 ?-? p m <> 62 p m Ar Atlanta 7 oo a m OOINO NOUTIl-DAILY. Cv At huila M l? p ni Lv Augusta 7 l? u m 8 io a m Ar ( I roon wood 11 00 a in l 26 p m Lv ( I rconwood 11 00 a m 2 00 p m Ar ( oroiiaica 11 20 a m 2 26 p in Ar Watci i > ll 41 a m 2 66 p m Ar Iii int 11 63 a in .Til p m Ar ] .m cns 12 14 p in 8 40 p m Ar t >. i 12 80 p m i io p m Ar dion e 12 62 p m t 44 p in Ar Woodruff l 09 p m ? 10 p m Ar Moore 1 .">2 p m ? l? p in Ar Spartanburg 2 oo p m G 26 pm POliT ROYAL AND AUGUSTA KAI CW A Y. (lOIKCI 80?TIT-DAILY. Cv Allgll8ta 11 80 a m 0 00 a m Ar Boauforl 0 06 p m ? 26 p m Ar Port Royal 0 20 pm 6 45 p m Ar Charleston <> 00 p in Ar Savannah 7 oo p m Ar .Jacksonville H 55 a m OOINO XOKTII - DAILY. Lv Jacksonville 7 20 p m Lv Savannah 7 80 a m Lv Charlocton 7 06 a m Lv Port Uoval H 10 am 6 15 a m Lv Hean fort 8 22 a rn 6 31 a ni Ar Augusta 2 00 p ni 6 20 p in Connections nt Greenwood to and from points on Columbia and Green ville Railroad. At Spartanburg with Asheville & Spartanburg R. lt., A. So C. Air-Lino fer points North. At Augusta with Georgia, South Carolina ....nd Central Roads. Tickets on salo at Laurens to all points at through rates. Baggage oiieckcd to destination. E.T. CHARLTON, G. P. A. J. N. BASS, Supt., Augusta, Ga. AT GOODYEAR'S CARRIAGE REPOSITORY, Can always bo found a full Uno of Medium and Cheaper Grades of OJPJSIV ^VTVX> TOP BUGGrlES, At lower prices than at any other houso this side of Cincinnati. This work ls all made to order, is lighter running and better Mulshed than the data of work generally sold as standard Vehicles. But I have just received a full lino of Fine Family Carriages, Phaetons and Cabriolets ! Juat received, another shipment of those Fino Open and Top Buggies,mada upon special orders by tho best manufacturers North and East. Nothing be ing used In the construction of these Vehicles but tho boat materials, and la ?uallty, stylo and finish, aro unequaled by any others now in tho market, n stock a full Uno of SADDLES AND HARNESS. AU grades, which I will offer at lower prices than havo evor before been known In the h'story of thu business. Milburn, .Studebaker and Staudard Plantation Wagons, all sizes. Oak and Hemlock Bole 1 .euther, Calf Skins,Shoo Findlng8, Carriage, and Wagon Materials, Harness Leather, Belt Lacing of superior quality, Rubber ana Leather Belting. Also, a full Uno of HARDWARE, r uns, Shells, Powder, Shot, Table and Pocket Cutlery, Plow Points for all m okra Nails, Axes, Hoes, Picks and Mattocks, Pitchforks, Shovels, .Spades, Hi" , . 's ami Scalo Beams, Grindstones, Bakes, Padlocks, Carpenters' SL?,1/ mtid Hinges, Window Sash, Doora and Blinds, Farm and Church i%lr*u\Wr\ i" ... ' offering at lowest cash prices. Bolls, which I am A. R. GOODYEAR, AOBNT, (Successor to It, H. ?I1** Co"> at tll? 01d btand' W?lle Georgia Kail road Bank, 704 Broad stree " BEST GOODS! ???V LOWEST PRICES I AUGUST DORR, TAILOR, HATTER AND FURNISHER, \ 3fier to the public at large, the largest und handsomest stock of Cloths, >9aB,j|* ners, Montaignacs, Beavers, Worsteds, .Meltons, etc., ever brought Sv?, % ' These will be made up into Suits, Overcoats, Trousers and VestB, at Prit fs Unprecedented in this or any other market. Perfection in fit, and handsom est trimmings, as well as Lowest of Prices shall be our motto. Sole Agent for Dunlap, Knox, Youmnn's and other celebrated Hats. Also, a thoroughly complete line of Underwear, Neckwear, Suspenders, Col lars and Cuffs, Handkerchiefs, Umbrellas, and undoubtedly tho cheapest and aest stock of Shirts in the city. The best $1.00 Shirt in the market. Thc choicest stock of Overcoats in the market-our own make. Wedding outfits a specialty, and satisfaction guaranteed. All of the above are offered to the public, and the prices guaranteed. -A.XJOXJ?T DORK, Tailor, Hatter and Furnisher, 718 Broad Street. THEO. MARKWALTER, Si ea IB?9 Marble & Granite Works, .Manufacturo all kinds ot Home & Eastern Granite Monuments, 529 Broad St., Near Lower Market, AUGUSTA, GEORGIA. THE CH li A P' ST Cv Kl'E I'rf IN UlioLlOIA* Stock Larger, Prices Lower t'ian Ever liefere. Carpets and House Furnishing G . -vis. tho large.it S nek S >.ith. Moquet, Brus ela, 3-Plyand Ingrain Carpets, Rugs, .Mun mid Crumb Cloths, Window S nides iVall Papers, Borders, Lace Curtain?, Cornices and l'oies. Cocoa and Canton Mat ings, Upholstery, Chromos. J3y*Wrlte for samples and prices. JAMES G. BAILIE ? S >NS Ag'ts., Mar. 17, 1885.-15 714 Broad S . Augusta, 0?. TU H LAURENS BAR. JOIIS C. HASKELL, N. U. DiAL, ! Columbia, S. C. Laurens, S. C. HASKELL & DIAL, ATTORNEY'S AT LAW, LAURENS C. H., S. C. SAVE YOUR MONEY ly buying your Drugs and Medicine.?, 'inc Colognes, Paper mid Envelopes, (cmorandum Books, Kaeo Powders, 'oolh Powders, Huir Brushes, Shav iig Brushes, Whisk Brushes, Illach lug Irushos, Blacking, Toilet and Latin ry Soaps, Tea, Spice, Pepper, Ginger, >a?nps and Lanterns, Cigars, Tobacco nd Snuff, Diamond Dyes, and other rtlcles too numerous to mention, at lie NEW DRUG STORE. Also, Pure Wines anti Liquors, for lcdieal purposes. No trouble to show goods. Respectfully, D. F. POSEY & BRO., Laurens C. H., S. C. J. T. JOHNSON, ATTORNEY AT LAW, OFFICK-Fleming's ("orner, Northwest side of Public Square. LAURENS C. H., S. C. J. C. OAKLINGTON, A T T O R NEY' A T L A W, LAURENS C. H., S. C. Office over W. II. (Jarrett's Store. w. c. BENET, Abbeville. F. P. M'UOWAN, Laurens. August 6, 1885. ly Pelot & Cole, PHOTOGRAPHERS 028 Broad Street. AUGUSTA, GA. 'ictures made m any kind of weather bj the Instantaneous Process. Special attention given to copying nd enlarging Photographs.? BENET & McOOWAN, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, LAURENS C. H., S. C. J. W. FERGUSON. (IKO. P. YOUNO. FERGUSON & YOUNG, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, LAURENS C. H., S. C. It. I". TOI)I>. W. Tl. MARTIN. TODO & MARTIN, ATTORNEY'S AT LAW, LAURENS 0. H., S. C. Ni J. HOLMES. H. Y. SIMPSON. HOLMES & SIMPSON, ATTORNEYS A T L A W, LAURENS C. H., S. C. Dr. W. H. BALL, DENTINT. OFFICE OVER WILKES' BOOK AND DRUG STORE. Oflkc days-Mondays and Tuesdays. LAURENS C. IL, S. C. CINCINNATI TYPE ?FOUNDRY - ANO PRINTING MACHINE WORKS, 201 Vise Street, CIMCHWATI, 0. Tho type nwnl on thia paper WM oatt by U*Q above lowdry.-RD.