Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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F2;, -t -~ t---'*,<A- ~'~< I a, r El II '4 4 P TM WEEKLY EDITIOY WINNSBORO. S.C. M Y 1.1900. ESTABLISHED 1344. QUAKER'S PRAYER. Oh, that my eyes might closed be To what becomes me not to see! That deafness might possess.my ear To what concerns me not to hear! That truth my tongue might always tie From ever speaking foolishly! That no vain thought might ever rest Or be conceived within my breast! Wash, Lord, and purity my heart. And make it elsan in every part; And when 'tis clean, Lord, keep it so, For that is more than I can do. SThe New iloctor. 9 000000000OO000000000 HAT is the new doctor's name?" inquired one of a group of girls of t h e druggist's boy. "H o p kin s," was the reply. "Is he m a r - t . ' ried?" asked an other. "I believe not." "That settles it," said the third girl, Helen Clark. "The advent of a handsome young doctor in a little town like this is an event not to be overlo'ed. Henceforth I am an invali.S' "Kate, let you and me become nurses," suggested Nettie Sanborn. "Helen, I'.l ds,4u to go home, nke believe sick, -"- .tp your head and send for the doctor. It will be rare fun," ventured Kate Upton. "There isn't a soul at the house, so the coast is clear. I'll do it, if you'll go with me." "Agreed," responded both girls; "we had no intention of being left out." They were too intent on their fun to notice the roguish twinkle in the boy's eyes, and he did not consider it necessary to inform them that the gentleman under coa4deration was sitting in the draggist's private office, hearing every word. The doctor was wondering whether he ought to be angry or entW . - the spirit of the joke. -"I'll go," be decided as the messen ger summoned him to Judge Clark's residence. Helen was- on the sofa among a pile of pillows and made a charming in valid in spite of the wet bandage on her forehead. Her two friends were full of -sympathy. "Such a fearful headache, doctor; I am almost wild; can't you do some thing for it?" and the blue eyes turned to him leadingly. 1done," was the yor man's m- ment. He gra 13 fe rjse, too.. her temperature and looked at her .U~uE "Your pulse is regular; your tem perature is normal," he observed, slowly. "Helen, dear, didn't you say you had palpitation of the heart this morn ing, just dreadfully?" inquired Kate. This was too much for Nettie; with a smothered laugh she turned to the window. * Helen did not answer, but sank bacl on the pillows, closing her eyes. The doctor leaned forward and. placed his ear over her heart. Thb b llood rushed to her face; she felt like a culprit and was tempted to confess and beg his pardon. But that would never do. He would despise her to: such a bold trick. The physician looked thoughtful for a moment. "What will he saiy? Oh, I wish he would go," sighed Helen to herself. "I understand your case, Mis: Clark," he explained; "it is nothing serious-you will outgrow these at tacks. I will leave a remedy which will relieve your headache in a few hours." He opened his case and began pre paring some powders in a very pro fessional way, but slyly watching the girls alli tl W e. "Th3&e, as he finished the last powder, "tare these every half hour they arc harmless. You are suffering from au acute attack of what the French call 'mechancete.'" and he bowed himself out. "'Mechancete,' quick, girls. get the Frenchidictionary and see what this terrible malady is that I may outgrow Do you suppose he is stupid enougl to think I am very ill?'' "I believe he saw thr'ough it. ne':er felt so mean in all my life," de clared Nettie, as she ran her forefingel into the "Mech" column. "Here i is. Oh, girls," and her race was scar lei, "just rend that!" "Give it to me,'' cried Helen, " 'Mechancete,' roguish trick, naught iness," she read. "Hie will probably tell this," said Nettie, "and before night this esca pade will be all over the town." "I'll never speak to him again." ex claimed Helen. "Mechancete, indeed: lie's as mean as he can be." "I don't blame him one bit," pro tested Kate. "It shows his spirit." * The following day Helen met the doctor on the street. "I trust Miss Clark has recovered,' he inquired, smilingly. "Perfectly, sir," was the haught; reply. The winter,with its gayeties, passed and everywhere Helen ignored him. Once he tried to defend himself, bu she would not listen. "If you were a gentleman you would not refer to the huiiating circum stances," was her reply, "and I wil never forgive you." "Helen, I think you treat Dr. Hop kins shamefully," said Nettie. "I S used to think he was in love with you his eyes followed you about and hat such a pained look when you snubbec him." "Nonsense! If he wants to mak< as idiot of himself I am not to blame. H1e won't bore you any more, mn sweet friend," assured Kate, "for h< ito take Madge Stone to the law: party to-night. Aren't you ashamed to leave him to the mercy of that freckled little thing, after he saved your life with his sugar powders?" and Kate laughed merrily. All the town was at the lawn party; it was an annual affair given for the benefit of the public library and so ciety attended in its best. Helen was n:t her usual merry self. She sat in a leafy corner of the arbor away from the crowd. Why did it annoy her that Dr. Hopkins should bo attentive to Madge? Why we unhappy? She would not allow -heiself to think of him. Had she not said again and again that she hated him? "Miss Helen," said a voice, which she knew well and whose tones sent the color to her cheeks, "you look lonely." "I am not. I prefer solitude, some times, at present, for instance." He sat down beside her. "Pardon me if I intrude; but I in sist on knowing why you treat me so rudely. You will not even be friends, and-" his voice was low and ten der, "and I have even dared hope to be more. If you will only give me a chance." "Excuse me, doctor. I fear I shall take cold in this carner," and she fled into the house. That night the people were roused by cries of fire and shrill tones of alarm; the fire service was inefficient, and the citizens lent a helping hand. No one was braver or more .helpful than the young doctor; he feared no risk and heeded no caution. In his attempt to save a child from the flames he was struck by the fall ing timbers, and they carried his un. conscious form to Judge Clark's home near hv. "Is it Iote or Providence?" thought Helen, as she offered to watch beside him while her father summoned Dr. Goodspeed. "What if he dies?" she moaned. The doctor opened~ his eyes slowly. What made him so weak? Why this pain in his arm? He could not move it. Where was he? Was that Helen Clark? He could hear the noise ol the firemen outside, and it dawned upon him that he must be hurt. Helen was approaching the couch, He closed his eyes, hardly daring to trust his vision. She knelt beside him. The blood surged through his body and strength returned to every muscle as he felt her lip3 touch his and her hand upon his brow. The closed eyes opened and met hers. "Oh, you are 'not dead; I was so afraid you would' never open your eyes and would never know-" and she hid her face in her hands. He tried to rise, but sank back witb pain. m mo$'tJhadrie d. *o arehurt. Ur.Godspeed will soon bi here." He stretched out his injured arn and drew her to him. "Helen, i3 it possible you lovi me?" The touch of her lips upon his wa the answer, but it meant more thai words. "lIAnd you have been so cruel to mi althese days. I thought you almos hated me." "Forgive me; I loved you all thi time, but was too proud to own it." The task of forgiving was beauti ful. "Well, well, young man," said the doctor, as hie bustled into the room "this is a pretty state of affairs, broken arm, half a dozen bruises ant eyebrows singed off; a handsome fi;; nrc you'll cut among the girls now~ We'll punish you by a few weeks o invalidism." had migt enjoy the punishment if hda good nurse." The old man did not lose the glane he cast on Helen. "Probably you would; I suspec you've some heart trouble with all th rest, you young rascal," and h laughed knowingly.-Chicago News. Polntedi Paragraphs. Wealth changes some men mor ~than age. A man s faults attract more atten tion than his virtues. Money talks, but one cannot alway exchange talk for currency. There is no place like home who it comes to drawing a small salary. Sometimes a man has his own wa acecording to the diagram furnishe by his wife. A genius is a man who dloes thing that other people say it is impossibl to do.1 - Many a man doesn't care what tailor charges for clothes-just soh charges it. A man's gallantry crops out whe he is entertaining a woman who is nc related to him. The individual who climbs to famn and fortune over the shouldersc others must look down on thei hatred. Don't overwork yourself. JTus imagine how miserable you would b if you finished alf your work to-da; andl had nothing to do the t est of yon life.-Chicago News. A Baby Engineer. The little three-year-old son of Eu gineer W. B. Evans, of the Fort Johi (Ore.) motor line, recently gave hi father and every employe along th entire line ei the road an excitin time. He climbed into an engin which was standing in the yard witi -full steam on and opened the throttl wide. His father, hearing the engin moving off, started in pursuit. Quickly ha telephoned to the sta Itions ahead, but when Portsmouth the next station, wvas reached, no on dared to board the engine as it thun dered past, until witl'in three hur dred vards of tim end :>f the line th steam gave out and a heavy grad lackned the speed. TALJES OF PLUCK TURF 1 ADADVYENTUE The Hero of anoa. EW people who may have chanced to read the brief of ficial announcement of Coin mF n Ider Carlin's death on board the City of Pekin between Ma nila and Yokohama, December 30, 1899, remembered that hqk-.as brnt a little dec.,_ ago the '_-, gur, and hero of t c vy-the sub ject for eulogyfrom people au. press. Carlin played a gallaut part in the terrible time of the great Sauoan wind storm. On the morniug of March 16, 1899, ships of the English, German and American navies were in the port of Apia. The storm came swiftly, and found them unprepared to imeet it in the shallow waters of the bay. Every energy was bent toward getting to the opeu sea. The Englishman succeed ed, and Englishmen and Americans will remember always with a thrill how the doomed Amcrican sailors eleerpa the English vessel as she stood ort to sea and safety while the,v themasees remained to face and fight' death.. That death came quickly to many, and in all 141 German and American officers and meu found their end that day. Carlin was executive oflicer of the Vandalia, and practically in command even before the death of Cap tain Scoon maker. The lattor was an old man, and so fleshy that he was unable to handle himself with ease. He was killed and washed overboard' in the early part of the storm, but not before his executive officer had made a gal lant attempt to save him. The men ha'3,>een ordered into the rigging as the ,nly place of safety, and Carlin was about to follow when.Isiw the Captain lying on the forwai-a rp.--Mof the deck, with his arms clasped about a stanchion. Making his way to him between the huge waves that were pounding over the deck, Carlin clasped his arm around the commanding of 'icer's -aist and told him that he in tended'to help him into the riggiUg. "Don't try to help me, Jim," said Scoonmaker; "I'm as good as dead now. You save yourself." 'While he lay on the deck by the Captain's side, Carlin felt one of the ropes that held a gun in place slip, and to an old sailor this meant that in a few minutes the gun would be loose and pounding around the deck...1e resolved to secure a rope an' a aniner n r by in the ' ' X11~iTWifg",the la - der. Twice as he made the rush, be tween waves, for the rope, he was forced to clasp a brass railing to pre vent being washed overboard. On the return trip he was again compelled to hold to the rail for his life while two waves of unusual height and vio lence rushed down upon the deck, and when he arose and looked for the Captain both man and gun were gone. Then he looked out for himself. BaclI to the rigging he went, but every place on the yard arm was occupie~ by the men, and in that time there was no rank. Death stood at their face and levelled rank. Carlin was too brave to order men to give up place of safety to him, but they in sisted on pulling him up to them. IThe ship seemed doomed. Mei were being washed overboard at every wave, and to make death more certait the Vaudalia was drifting down upon a coral reef. Then the Trenton, an Ichored near' by, began to drag hei anchor andl bear down upon the fated shio. it seemed certain that the Trenton would cut the Vandalia it two before either struck tle coral reef. Officers andl men bade one an other farewell and stood there waiting for death, but when it seemed mosl certain a stronger gale than usua struck the human sails in the rigging of the Vandalia and shoved her sc far ahead that the Trenton's prow struck her stern, and slowly wvarped around alongside. Instantly Lieu tenant Carlin saw his opportr nity ani the men's, and ordered them to rut along the yard arms and jump upot the deck of the Trenton. Every mar reached the Trenton, and that shi1 steamed away to safety-having b2 that time got her engines into wodrk ing order. For his part Carlin wa: recommend.ed to Congress. -St. Lomui Gl]obv-Democrat. Not Easily Frightened. SIt takes more to wiin the badge o Sbravery in some countries than i others. The Ethiopian who is dleeme< ,worthy to wear in battle the lion' skin thsat King Menelik of Abyssinii gives to the bravest of his men muns be0 oue who can go three days withou food, fighting the while, or journeying over the deserts and mountains; one rmoreover, who cares nothing for pail or death. In an article on "Meneli] and his people," in the Windsor Mag azine, Mr. Cleveland Moffat refers t< a custom that prevails among thes< men after a battle or after warliki manouvres. It is their habit on such occasions to squat on the ground in a long lini and fire their rifles into the air, bar. rels up, buitts between the knees There are no blank cartridges, bu halls that wound or kill whomnsoeve: they strike in the descent. A cannon-shot gives the signal, ant forthwith the firing starts far dowi the line, rolling nearer and nearer til it swells into a roar of musketry abou th'e emperor himself, then dies awa: at the farther side; and the bullet: come down on soldiers or citizens al mybfor this firing is as likela not to take place in a crowded city. " 'Would it not be wiser, your maies tv.' asked a French traveler, aghas at this reckless proced:are, "to uis L~ank catridges?" "Why so?" asked Menelik. "It would economize rifle-balls and save life," was the answer. "I do not mind losing a few balls,' replied Menelik, "if it makes my peo pie despise them." The Italians found what these solb diers think of rifle-balls, when they saw them come bounding on in the charge, pierced through and through with Mauser bullets, and go on fight ing. At Amba Alagni, the battle which preceded the final Italian disaster,the Italians found out what it means to fight an army that knows no shoes, but comes at you in your fortified place with toes that can grip and clitig. The Italians were on .a hill, rising from a plateau, impregnab le, as they supposed, on three sides, and guarded on the fourfh by strong artillery. Against these cannon they thought the black men must hurl themselves, ant that would be the end of them. But they reckoned wi.hont those black feet, for what the Abyssinians really did was to take the hill from the rear, straight up the precipice. coming stealthily so as to give no alarm; and when enough of them had gained the vantage-ground behind, they swept down like a wave upon the Italians, and the day was won. The Evil EY Like all Orientals, the Sudanes1 lave a great horror of the "evil eye." A fixed stare often makes them un comfortable, and the gray or blue eyes of Europeans, with the glint of anger in them, strike fear, if not ter ror, into the hearts of most. Charles Neufeld, au Austrian, who was long held prisoner by the dervishes of the Sudan, describes the powerful effect of this superstition. The event of which he speaks took plaft soon after he was captured. A young dervish conducted me to a spot removed from the other prison ers. As we walked along, the youth said: "God is just; God is bounteous; please God, to-morrow our eyes shall be gladdened by seeing t; white Kaffir yoked with a shayba to a black one.K This shayba is a forked limb of a tree. The fork is placed on the neck, pressing against the larynx, the stem projecting before the wearer; the right wrist is then tightly bound to the stem with thongs of fresh hide, which soon dry and "bite" the flesh. The ends of the for'. are drawn as closely as possible, and fastened with across piece. It is a cruel instrument of torture, for the arm must be kept extended to its utmost; to attempt to relieve the tension means pressureon the larynx. If you are yoked to another man, he Lthrow& pressur on j . on Irritate you put threw one blos and felled him senseless. rifle, I strode back to the entered. My eyes must hay blazing. I glared from on other, wondering whether t one shot and then start g" till I was cut down. - Hamza, the best ate dervishes, held up his hand, saying: "Istanna" (Wait). - I hurriedly related what had oc curred and told what I intended to do. Hamza then came to me, saying: t"Li, lo, la (No, no, no), you are not tobepu i ashayboa. Ororders are t> deliver you alive and well." Theni turninig to the others, lie con tinued: "Hand this man over to me. I shall deliver him alive and well." Some demur was made when, lower ing the rifle, I placedl the butt on the round, rested my chin on the mauzzle, and addressing myself to ali, saidi that unless I was left in Hamza's charge, I should press the trigger, on which my great toe was then resting. Hamiz again urged his point and said: "-If you do not agree, and this mani does any harm to himself, I de clare myself innocent of all blame and responsibility. I have heard of him; he will do as lie says." The effect of the words was magical. "Take him away-keep him; do what you wish t> him," they cried. "'Never let him come near us again--never! Never let him look upon ats with his eyes" Chicago Girl's Rlomnce. To be married on shipixoard and to go on a wedding journey through ~ lonely African forest wvere the roman tic experiences of Miss Anna Thome McLoughlin, of Chicago, the bride of Dr. Wilmer San ford Lehmain, of Africa. For the last year Dr. Lehman has been engagedin medical work at Lolo dorf, West Africa, and' as it was im possible for him to return to America for his bride she joturneyed out alone to meet him. IWhen the steamship Niger, on which' she was a passenger, reached Great Balazo Dr. Lehman came out in a small boat. Captain Davis. of the Niger, steamed out beyond the three Jmile limit to avoid the exacting Ger. -man marriage laws, and the v edding ceremony was p)erformed. Dr. and Mrs. Lehman wveut ashore Iandi began their ninety-mile journey to Lolodorf, followed by thirty native carriers bearing their luggage. Dr. Lehman walked the entire dlistance and Mrs. Lehman wvent for the most part afoot, more than fifty miles, be ing carried in a hammock when weary. IThey are n.ow living in a native housE of bark with a thatched rooi. Miss McLaughlin is a graduate of IAnn Arbor,where she met Dr. Lehman, of the class of '9g. The doctor has made a number of notable African ex plorations, having at one time pene trated the country of dwarfs. A man. "apparently educatedl and refined," has been fined $50 for mu tilatig publications on iile in the Chiz'go lpublic librairy. H~e pleaded to be released, saying that he needed the clippings in coi gstatistics. CROBE OF THE GRIP. )E pIARITIES OF THE LEGLESS WINGLESS CONQUEROR. crons Deadhead and Stdwaway i Leads a Vagabond Existence It mised Land is the Respiratory Or of Human Beings. influenza, like most other thological abominations, a microbe, and a microbe inguished, unfortunately, for its ond proclivities. It is sver on t arch, and any mode of locomotio is wingless and legless and requi be carried-serves its turn, from -going liners to the winds of h According n American scientist Turkey was eadquartcrs of the nuisance last r. the lines of the it has since foun bie localities, b York, Loudon The promised euza microbe ha its wanderings is gans of human be vegetates, it exists in these essential ganic economy it flo the first time thoro especially if the grou pared in advance b chitis or consumption. of the lungs is nece healthy and normal deve when deprived of this eli. becomes torpid and even up its tenacious ghost. Indeed, the idiosyncraci thing are all of them of such as to induce it to regard o as the most eligible reside fer. For instance, a bath Q four fours'duration is ordinry however stagnant and invitin average bacillus, is fatal to th fluenza microbe, while, on the hand, it will exist for weeks in (ect bliss in human saliva. It is not the microbe itself that the harm, but -a poisonous liq excretes. A measure of consolati s afforded by the fact that this pois s even more deleterious to the microb than to the human being in which i is deposited, for the microbes end by being deFtroyed by their own horrible exhalations, whereas their victim, of course, has many chances of recovery. The microbe is an egg-shaped thing, but gifted, in spite of its roundness and smoothness, with an extraordinary capacity both for adhering to any con ceivable surface and for passing from one resting place to another. Itgaoi is a human nose or mouth, . E'6 '9r I.,eicinity of these -o :is assured, for the one. . I nal invaler will,'in thsur rounded by a progeny er sixteer millions of his poisia producing kin drea. In short, the doctors know almos everythinag about the influnenza microbi except ani effective method of exter minating it. Dr. Albert Prieur gives some do tails in regard to the whims of influ enza and the peculiarities of its mu crobe. Here is what Dr. Pricui says: "'Influenza,' that queer and ugly word with which the grip clothed it self in 1802, when it was raging ii Italy, was first and, unfortunately brought into the medical vocabular: by Professor Huxham. It is trun that he was never very proud of hi: invention, and up to a comparative1; recent date doctors and patients eon tinued tc employ the good old word 'grip,' invented in the last century b; Sauvages de Montpellier, doubtless ti depict the peculiar expression o countenance which belongs to thos, who are unlucky enough to contrac the disease. "Without going iuto the de tails of a pathological chapte on the subject it may be necessar to call attention to the fact the the word grippe or 'influenza'i too often carelessly and erroneous1; employed. Of course, for a docto the grip, strictly speaking, is difficu] to diagnose at its commencemeni and it often happens that the medi cat man cannot tell whether he is deal ing with a catarrhal or hay fever, o with a serious infection, like angina smallpox or typhoid. But, neverthe less, the grip has an appearance pe culiar to itself, which, at a given ma ment, outside of all bacteriological es aminiation, att best, vague in the be ginning, facilitates its diagnosis. 'lBut to attempt to describe th< various and capricious symptoms o the grip outsiide of medical literature properly speaking, would be to at ~empt the impossible. Sometimesi starts with a furious attack, and some times it bzeg:ns with little indisposi ions that :ast three or four days With the gri.p all sorts of forms ar possible. But there are three form which are noteworthy: First, the ner hous form, with its terrible hearl aches, neuralgia, lumbago and altei p atives of -ohysical and mental d< ~ression, followed by excitement the ater reachesi delirium; secondly, th respiratory form which localizes itsel n one or several of the organs, th nose, the pharyni, the larynx, th trachea, the bronchical tubes and th lungs (indeed, it may spread itsel through them all); thirdly, the diges tive form, sometimes accessory, bu more frequent and more tenaziou than people commonly believe it t be, and reaching from simple gastri trouble to the most intense gastrc-it testinal manifestations" In 1899 the iron imports of German ,.incrase $8000,000 in value SOUTH AMERICAN GIANTS. a Hardy I.ee That is Gradually Becom. Ilig ZtinctA4 Dr. Frederick A. Cook, c the Bel gian Antar ctio Expedition, writes in the Century of "The Giant Indians of Tierra del Fuego," his text being il lastrated with pictures drawn from photographs by hiciRlf, The Fuegians have beeti toported, from time to time, since the ccuntry was first sighted and named by Hagel lan in 1520, but to-day they still re main almost unknown. In connection with the voyage of the Belgica we had unusual opportunities for studying their wild life and tbeir weither beaten land. They are not, as i gen erally supposed, one homogeneous tribe, but three distinct races, with different languages, different appear ances, different habits and homes. The Onas have thus far evaded til ef forts at civilization, have refuse6 mis eionaries, and bave, to the present ime, with good reason, mistr asted ite men. They have, in conse nee, remained absolutely unknown. e Onas, as a tribe, have never nited in a common interes, nor y ever been led by any one f. They have always been osmallclans undera leader f -powers, and these chiefs nstant warfare among the present they have nemies among their w that sheep-farm- L, want their coun- c to fight their are giants. en or eight xplbrer, ne rest to b::. 7 to) six g six a feet. cl ey S a ti is b aby efan ~ase ei P net pa cotos chase alto ecanse of a lack aI love, but because of the mental lethargy of the people. It is the same as to shelter and garments. They have abundant material to make good tents and warm, stortr.-proof houses; bat they simply buncl. up a few branches, and throw to the wind ward a few skins, and then shiver, complaining of their miserable exist e nce. -WISE WORDS. -The dew of compassion is a tear. Byron. Self-trust is the essence of heroism. -Emerson. Silence is one great art of conversa tion.-Hazlitt. Contentment gives a crown where fortune hath denied it. Good company and good discourse are the very sinews of virtue. -Wal ton. He who can conceal his joys is great er than he who can hide his gr efs Lavater. Without constancy ther-e is r eith~er love, friendship nor virtue i2 the -world. -Addison. To endeavor to domineer o7v con science is to invade the cital oi heaven.-Char-les V. The age of chivalry is never past so long as there is a wrong left unre dressed on earth.-Charles Kingsley. The habit of looking on th. best side of every event is worth more than a thousand pounds a year .-Jol-usou. rEvery one of us, whatever onr- specu lative opinions, knows better than he practices, and recognizes a better lawv than he obeys.-Froude. - A Wvasteful Case. "Did you ever stop to consider," said awell-known detective, "how the principle of economy is entirely lost sight of in the prosecution of trivial cases? For instance, bee the other day a man was arrested for for stealing five cents' worth of milk. The complainant never stopped to think how much it was going to cost him, but I guess he would be willing eto withdraw the charge now. Here he has lost two days' pay on accotint of the case, officers under pay have put -in time that might be better em ployed, and there will be sheriffs fees to foot for the board of the prisoner while he is in jail. And all for five cents' worth of milk: There is very flittle economy in law."-Detroi' Free Press. The Great 3lormnon Tabernac13. fThe Tabernacle at Salt Lake City -is, in respect to its acoustic proper ties, the most remarkable place of Iworship in the world. It is construct ed to hold 25,000 people, yet it is pos esibe for a person standing at one end -to distinctly hear the sound of a pin dropped into a hat at the other, a test of its curious power to convey sound jwhich is offered to every stranger who s shown oer the building. THE M I Y Wjj OFIjW tTORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.' Ks There Such a Man ?-is So Immunity Comes High -.The bativo Spirit-Utility Gone Them-Wit and Humor, Etc., Breathes there a man with soul Who has never to his good wife "Oh, I'll not forget a single t That you've requested me to When I cofne home to-night." Returns empty-handed home a -Chicago His Superiority. Uncle Bob-"Well, Johnny, Fou at the head of your class?" Johnny-"No, but I can lick the ellow that is!"-Hartford Couraut. Immunity Comes High.'. "What makes that new magazine ost so much'" "I don't knowi maybe they have t ay people not to write war or it."-Indianapolis Journal. Tie Combative Spirit. Proper Little Boy (to New Boy) 'Is your papa well-to-do?" New Boy (on the other side of the ence)--"He's well enough to do your ad, all right."-Chicago Tribune. UtLi1ty Gone. "h3adbolt, I don't like to be a tale earer, but I heard Dingus -say the ther day he had no use for you." "Well, that's true. I've quit lend 2g him money."-Chicago Tribune. Has Not Them. Johnny-"What is a bore, papa?' Papa-"A bore is a person who tells on so much about himself that you et no chance to tell him anything b6ut yourself."-Baltimore Ameri in Wit and Humor. "What's the difference between wit d humor?" "If a man says humorous things out you, it makesyon laugh; it' s witty things about y it U't your little neivous, Mrs. BimM?" rs. Bimm--"NO; I think not." Little Boy-"Yes, I am, ma; when people who come here stay too long it makes me wriggle around and kick my chair." Stamped. He-"I can trace my ancestry back through nine generations." She-"What else can you do?" Then he blinked and looked at her as if he wondered where he was and how far he had dropped.-Chicago Times-Herald. Untrammeled Women. "I wrote her that we would consider the in cident closed." "She wrote me that she didn't pro pose to be dictated to in that way, so I'm still getting letters from her." Detroit Free Press. Solicitude. "Henrietta," said Mr. Meekton, anxiously, "how did I do?" "What do you mean? I am the one who made the speech." "Yes; but I applauded. I wanted to know if I cheered in the right places. "-Washington Star. Suits and Damages. Tailor-"I brought you this suit six months ago and you haven't paid me a cent." Hardappe-"But it didn't suit; it was damaged." "Tailor-"I'm afraid I shall have to bring another suit for damages." Philadelphia Record. FunctIlious. "Shall we read the minutes of the previous meeting?" asked the presi dent ol the ladies' organizat.i. "I object," said the member who i3 always making trouble. "For what reason?" "Because they were not minutes; they were long, weary hours." Fine Scorn, "Sometimes," said Meandering Mike, "I wishes I had money." "Sometimes!" echoed Plodding Pete. "Yes. Someti"'aes, but not often. Dere's millions of dollar bills issued by de Government. What do we went .w'it' anything so common?"-Washv ington Star. A Fitting Name. "And what do you call that wheel whizzing around there?" inquired a visitor in the machinery department. "S'outh American Republic, sir." answered the guide. "That's odd. What do you call it that for?" "Uwiug to the number of its revolu ios sir. "-Detroit Free Press. Lost Interest. "That is what I eg,1 a -master strok!" he exclaimed. "Oh, do read about it!" said his wife. ."It's rather long. Look at it for yourself. It's one of the cleverest strokes of diplomacy--" "Oh! diplomacy! I thought it was something about golf."- -1 ashingtou'