Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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TRI-WEEKLY EDITION. WINNSBORO, S. C., MAY 30 1895. ESTABLISHED 1849 Popular rights are those tOat are doming our way. Possums can be bought in Southwest wrn Georgia for 15 cents apiece. And yet the exodus from the South to Li. beria Is still going on! Hetty Green herself Is the first to feny the damaging rumor that she had opened her heart and purse-strings for . public enterprise of any character. There will be a trolley line all the way from New York to Philadelphia before the year is out. It Is doubtful if there will be any steam railroads leff In 1910. Harvard has decided to permit foot oall under "rules which will make the game quieter." Coroners henceforth will not be called upon to referee the games. The Lodi, Cal., farmer who claims to aave been hypnotized out of $2,000 may find consolation in his theory. To the hard-headed world he will appear as a plain case of chump. Expert evidence has at last been giv en that the gas meter under certain atmospheric conditions cannot tell the truth. How Is it that It always lies on the side of the companies? "So much is not often told in so fev. words," the Lewiston Journal truly says, "as in this remark of the Canaan correspondent of the Pittsfield Adver, tiser: 'The eleven little Dickey cbil tren all have whooping-cough.'" The confession of an Arkansas states man that he has been bribed is viewed with particular disfavor by other states men, as he received only $100. So meager a price is naturally looked. upor .s debasing a noble calling. Mrs. Langtry's averment that rich men's sons make her tired is doubtless true. She has worked them for years. At Mrs. Langtry makes all but the sons of rich men tired considerable of - the weariness of the world seems t zenter about her. The Standard trust is having a great deal of fun with the oil market and )roducers who share in the increased price: for the crude product thorough. ly enjoy the fun. All others, including the independent refiners who are being thus -legally" strangled, consider i' -obbery. 1 According to the London Times the United States appreciates the justice of the English demand on Nicaragua. It is not worth while to argue that. The important fact is that England will not be allowed to enforce any such demand by taking a single foot of Nicaragua's .erritory-not a footd While no one has asked that women remove their hats in church, the Kan sas City Non-Partisan Woman's Chris tian Temperance Union has decided to - do so in the future. They might re move a section of the title of their so ciety without being considered im modest. It is by no means decollete as it stands, and decollation might be of 'ervice. St. Louis xpends nearly three times as much per lineal mile for cleaning streets as does the city of Chicago. Re ports of the two cities for the years 1880 to 1890 Inclusive show the average ex penditure In the city of St. Louis for .the purpose vtated was $119, and that of the city of Chicago but $43. The1 cost per capita to Chicagoans was but 8 cents per lineal mile and that to* the people of St. Louis 28 cents per lineaJ enile. The willingness of the worm to tun. When too rudely attacked has become proverbial. The panther has not been accredited with the meek and lowly disposition of the worm, but It is still Instructive to note that-afl'ronts whikh( members of the buman family weakly tolerate the panther fiercely resents.E Professor Cory, of Chicago, met a I panther in the wilds of Florida. The beast took to a tree and bore with equanimity the clamor of the profes- I sor's dogs and the bullets of the profes sor's companions. *But when the pro- I :fessor trained a camera upon the cat 'the self-respecting feline leaped upon him and was with difficulty restrained from making his professional chair va cant. A little of the panther spirit at the seaside resorts this summer would make Eastern society belles regard the New York Sunday papers with more equanimity. By this time we ought to be well1 accustomed to British Ignorance of American politics. But still the ig norance displayed by the St. James' Gazotte in treating of the income tax decision of the Supreme Court may wvell cause surprise. It says that while "no one has suggested that this august tribunal can be bribed," "still It Is significant that the politics of the various Judges are carefully mention ed in the dispatches." We do not kamw what dispatches were received 1 by tae St. James' Gazette, but in this country mention was made of the pol~tics of the "various" Judges mere ly to show that their respective opin- 1 Ions were wholly free from any po. litical bias. As to the idea of "brib ing" the "august tribunal," It is about at intelli;:ent as if some one should 1 cuggest that the Archbishop of Can terbury had been bribed to vote against the Deceased Wife's Bister bill. S.,me people are careless as natur THE MOON. L~o! she comes with ligh.-lt resplendent, Looking down with radiant eye, and a train of clouds attendant, From her palace in the sky. And the sheeny clouds are glowing With reflected iris hues. &nd their ernine garments strewing Ia the path that she must choose. Slow and stately are her paces, As she walks the night serene; &nd the bright stars veil their faces At the coming of the queen? In fler light the wind rejoices, In his mirth he shakes the treee; While with loud and passionate voices Moan and toss the love-sick seas. Slowly without eark or cumber, Silently her course she keeps, While the city, wrapt in slumber, Turns in restless dream-and sleep*. -North British Advertiser. 14 1 ii i NOwonder 'Major Eckley was angry. Here was young Bick les, a fellow without fortune or )rospects, proposing for the hand of 11s daughter Zalie. "But I could work for her," protested he young man, as they argued the natter on the porch. "Yes, oh, yes; work your jaws wheri iomething was put between them." "Mention some of your other objec ons." "It is not necessary; the one uudei liscussion answers every purpose." ( "It may answer all your purposes, )ut it doesn't answer mine. Let me tell rou that your daughter loves me, and hat 1 promise to work faithfully, if ou give you' consent, but if you don't I will rtiaway with her without mak ng any primise at all." "Oh, Is that a fact?" the old man sar- I Astica~y rejoined. ."Run away with I er, eh? All right, I will follow along tad seek an early opportunity of filling f your hide so full of holes that It vouldn't hold wheat straw. Loves you, loes she? Ah, ha! loves youl Well, I ow, I'll call her, and you may start to -un away with her right at once. Bet- I :er roll up your breeches before you I itart Loves you, does she?" V "Yes, I do." The girl stepped out upi >n the veranda. The old Major turned angrily upon a er. "Yes, I do," she repeated, "but I wih lot marry him without your consent. or gracious sake, don't say anything nore, for here comies General Griddle on."r Bickles withdrew. General Griddle on, an old fellow with a pompous air. 1 ud broken veins in his face, dismo'unt- I d at the gate. LHe and the Major were he warmest of friends. For each oth r's sake they were heroically self-sae ificing; they would fight for etch oth-. r, and, at poker, they had often won ach other's money. "Alh! good-morning. General." I "Ah! Miajor, good-mo'rtling."I "Beautiful weather, General." "Major, magnificent." This form of greeting changed with he weather, andl people who were ac ustomed to see the two old men me'et ach other had long since ceased to 1 mile at their ludicrous gallantry, so amiliar had the system of salutation ~ecome. "Zalie," snid the Major, "go into tht t ouse; I have something particular to ay to - the General. What do you hink?2" he added, when the girl had I vithdrawn, "that infernal Bickles vants to marry my daughter." "The trifling rascal," the General ex-t lalmed. "And he swears." the Major contin I ied, "that if I don't give my couent ec will run away with her." "Oh, the venomnous wolf!" the Gen3 ral cried. "He is a pauper!" said the Major. "And a wretch!l" declared the Gen ral. "General, you have always stood b3 "And I always will" "Give me ycur han."I They shook hands. fand then entered nto the close and atbsor-bing comm union >f a game of poker. A few weeks. later the Major and the Teneral went down to New~ O)rle:as LId(, as t hey were re turag on a st eamn- I nat, t he G'eneral sui.lenly exclaimed: Il "lty George, Major! yondecr is a mn ho did me a favo'r i Havana. Yes," ca~ig intently, "that Is Victor Dinzo- 1 as. one o'f the most prominent planters n Cuba. lHe's coming this way." The General advarnced to meet the uan, who camne walking with ac asy, ;;;aceful swing dlown theo cab'i, 1oweVd, :aade an open-arm gesture ancs "''ardon mue 1f 1 mnke a mistake, htu s not this the Hoen. Vic'tor Dinzolais?" The CubaLn, after a moment's rele ion. re('ognizedl the Genieral, and, with ; :raceful heartiness, seized his hand. nVhn the Major had been introduced. the party withdrew to the bar. Dino. I:h. was not an ill-looking mau; he wort Lnormous black whiskers and long hair and spo',e English easily, but with a Tight Spanish accent. After several 'rounds" at the bar the General pro )osed a game of poker. No objection% bxere raised; the Cuban was accomuo lating. They went to a private apart nent, and were soon deep in the thrill ng anxiety of the "great American iastime." From the very first, Dinzolas >egan to win. The Major snorted and .he General fumed, but the Cuban, un listurbed, still continued to rake in the noney. it must have been nearly daylight xhen the Major shoved back his chair tnd said: "I'm broke." "So am I," the General took occasion, :o remark. "I am very sorry, gentlemen," the 7uban declared, "for I have just begu :o get interested in the game. Have rou nothing that you can put up?" "No," the Major remarked. "As I ave often been compelled to remark, ILave nothing left except my planta ion. my soul and my daughter.' "Ah!" said the Cuban, "would you ike to put up one of them-the planta ion or the daughter?" "Sir!" exclaimed the Major, spring. ng to his feet, "what do you mean?" "Oh, no offense, I assure you. I have nore respect for my friend, the General, han to insult his friend. I once won a roung lady-please be seated. Major, lon't get excited, for I assure you that [meant no insult." "Major, hear what he's got to say,' he General interposed. The Major sat down; the Cuban con inued: "Once, in the City of Mexico, I played or a gentleman's daughter and won er. An agreement was drawn up, eading about this way: 'I agree to Ive the bearer my daughter so-and-so, rovided he can gain her consent' I won the paper bearing these words, .ut in truth did not win the girl. She purned me. Perhaps I should be more ortunate another time." "Will you excuse the Major and mt f we request a private interview?" the eneral asked, addressing Victor Din :olas. "Most assuredly; I will withdraw." "Don't this beat anything you evei ward of?" said the Major, when the uban had withdrawn. "Rather peculiar, I must say; but let ne tell you I see good in it. Agree to its proposal, put up Zalie." "General, do you take me for an in. ernal barbarian?" "Oh, no. Now, if you put up your laughter and lose her, this Cuban night come around, and-well, he night scare-the life out of Bickles." The Major slapped the General on the ihoulder. "You are the smartest man in the orld, General. Call that half-nigger ooking fellow." The Cuban resumed his place, put up thousand dollars against Zalie and von. Shortly afterward the boat land d at Campbell's Bend. One afternoon, several days later, the ajor and the General sat on the ver nda overlooking the broad nield of otton. "Major, 'is Bickles still hangingi round ?" "He was here yesterday, but left omewhat downcast, as Zalie positively efused to marry him without my con ent. Who is that coming through the >ig gate? By gracious! it's that infer tl Cuban!" "That's who it is." "Confound my fool hide. I wish k idn't done that caper. I wouldn't mave done it If I hadn't been halt trunk. Now, that's a nice piece of pa ier he's got. Wish Bickles was here. 'd soon have them chewing each other. don't know what to do." Zalle came out on the veranda. "Oh! who is that?" she asked. The Cuban had dismounted at th< ard gate. "Oh, but doesn't he look just like the hero of a novel?" "Zalie!" thundered the Major, "ge nto the house!" The girl obeyed. The Cuban came up he steps. "Ah, General, glad to see you again;~ td the Major, I hope he has not for otten me?" "No." said the Major; "sit down." The Cuban took his seat and began o fan himself with his broad-brimmed iat. The Major snorted; the Genera) jemmed and hawed. "Ah!" said the Cuban, "Is Miss-Misa --let ue see (examining the paper) ah. iss Zalie. Is she at home?" "Look here," said the Major. "I want 'ou to understand that my daughter is iot a slave!" "Oh, certainly, I understand that; bmn he is mine if I can win her. This "Hang the paper!" "Bunt, as a gentleman, you cannot, h, give me a word here, cannot repu inte." "That's a fact," the Major admitted. The Major's face grew livid with age, but he called Zalie. She came out, nd when the Cuban was presented he bowed with charming grace. "A very handsome girl," said the Cu a. "She has many fine points." "Sr!" thundered the Major, spring ng to his feet "No offense. Will my friend, the Gen ra, explain the object of my visit?" "I will," the General answered, "but ould first like to send for a friend of nine, Mr. Bickies." "My time is limited. Will the General ~xplain?" The General explained; the girl lis ened with deep interest. "Oh, how romantic!" she said; "hos ba..nng ncommon! Sir." extendina her hand to to-ward t-e Cu-n, i-i- g with you." "What!" the Major roared, "go wit tiis barbarian? No, not If he had fift, plantations." "A contract signed by a gentleman; the Cuban said, "is a document o honor." The Major sat down. "You are right," he said, "you ari :ight, but I don't understand my daugh ter; don't understand her. I though she was a woman of pride, but I don' understand her." "I do," said the Cuban. He snatche< Aff his false whiskers and long hair, re vealing the familiar features o Bickles. The Major snorted like a frightenet aorse. For several moments he coulh say nothing. Then he turned upon thi General. "You old-old" "Hold on, Major," said the General laughing. "Here is the money the Cu ban won from you on the boat." The Major took the money, and, tuck ing it Into his vest pocket, remarked: "Bickles, you've got more sense thai I thought you had, and I reckon I'l have to stand by my contract."-.NeN Orleans Times-Democrat. A BIBLE AND A SHOTGUN. e Carried Both, Although He Wai a Preacher, and Had Faith. The panther scare has spread ovo he entire country, and is especialll intense among the colored people, wh< not only believe all the wild store: they hear about the beast carryin; women and children away in his crue jaws, but will not be persuaded tha there Is no such cruel animal lurkin; round Jacksonville. A reporter while riding in the settle ment south of Panama, was haile< through the woods by an old-time dar ky preacher. He was an interestiu type-short and bow-legged, and thes4 bow-legs were Incased In trousers s( long they wrinkled at the heel. Ho 'had on a jim-swinger, the tails 0: which wiped the dew from the buck leberry bushes along the trail he wai pursuing. He had on a high standini collar, to spit over which he'd have t< get on a stump. The collar was encir ted by a clerical tie. Surmountinj the very black face with its wrinklei md fringe of snowy beard was a sill hat that looked as If It had beer brushed by a cyclone. The hat wai several sizes too large, and had it noi been tilted backward the ears upor which It rested would have been una ble to support the burden. As he hailed, the reporter stoppe( and waited. The. old man came ul Dut of breath. The strangest part ol ils outfit -was a donaile-barreled, muz :le-loading shotgun, loaded and capped This was under one arm. Under thi >ther was a Bible. "Boss," said he, wiping his brow 'you hearn anything 'bout a wild crit -r in dese yer woods?" "Yes, I have heard of It, but I take n0 stock in It." "Dey say hit's a panther?" "So they do, but they are wrong. It't >nly a big dog that hangs out by the mbtropical." "I'm powerful glad to hab you sai lat Dese people 'round here, an' me o, been gwine to church armed." "So that's what you have the sl-ut gun for?" "Yesser. Ober at do church you'T most likely find a stack o' guns." "But I see you have a Bible. Isn'; aith better than a shotgun?" The old fellow scratched his head e was puzzled. "Yes, boss, faith ii better'n a shotgun, but a shotgun is i1 handy thing to carry 'roun' to take care 0' youssef and not gin de Lord nc nnecessary trouble."-Jacksonvlle mesUnon. Death Made a Difrerence. Mr. Horace Fletcher, one of the most harming of New Orlean's charmiin~g people, visited Boston last summer, and while there he determined to make a trip to Amesbury, the former honw of the poet Whittier. Mr. Fletcher has a poetic nature, and he reveres the memory of the dear old Quaker lyris.. He got aboard an electric car and whirled to and fro amid the quiet senes In which Mr. Whittier used te participate, and presently he could sup. press his emotions no longer-he had tui unbosom his thoughts to a fellow traveler, a resident in Amesbury, a ~umblelooking man, seemingly a car enter, for he had a kit of tools with aim. Mr. Fletcher praised Amesbury d its people, and then he discoursed long and eloquently upon the poet Whitter and upon the honrs which his genius had reflected upon his towns en and associates. Mr. Fletcher even quoted whole poems, by way of clinch lag his argument with his fellow-trav eler, but curiously enough the Ames. bury man sat silent and unmnoved. Finally, after our New Orleans frient. had talked himself to the verge of bronchitis, tihe Amesbury man said, oldly and forbiddingly: "We folks here in Amesbury don't think as much of Mr. Whittier as we did. You know we don't go much on a tax-dodger. While he wuz livin' he never paid no taxes on more'n $4,000, but after he ied-howlin' Jehosaphat! it comes ta ight afore the Jedge of Probate thai be wu:s worth $200,000i"-Chicagv Record Sweet Girl-Papa says you can't af ord to marry. Ardent Youth-Non sense! I can get a preacher to perform the ceremony for two dollars. Sweet Girl-Can you? How foolish papa Is. New York Weekly.. Customer-"Why do you call this eleo' ri cake?" Baker's boy--"I s'pose be. . ,, t as currants In it."--Philadelphi THE ANTELOPE. (ow the Graceful Creature Kills Iti Enemy, the Rattlesnake. The antelope, which in former years ,'as common in Western North Amer Ica, is now a rarity. It may be found. however, on both sides of the Sierra M1adre Mountains, reaching down inte kIexico, where it is still hunted. A full-grown male antelope stands lbout seven feet eight inches at th< withers and is about five feet in length ANTELOPE KILLING A BATTLESNAKE. rhe general color is of yellowish brown in the back and upper portions, with white below. The animal is a type ol grace and activity. Its limbs are long, slender and delicate, terminating in 1harp, knife-like hoofs, that are often ased as weapons, especially when the intelope meets a rattlesnake. At such a time the lithe animals are much ex rited, and the one possessed of the Diost courage possibly will undertake the act of executioner. This it accom plishes by leaping into the air, bring ing its hoofs together in a point so that they come down upon the coiled ser pent, cutting and lacerating it so that but a few bounds of this kind result iv the reptile's de&th. HUNG IN A TREE. foung Man Meets Death in a Very Pe; cullar Manner. A peculiar and fatal accident befell George Brady, son of Nathaniel Brady, )f Homing Falls, W. Va., recently. roung Brady was riding a frisky young horse, and the animal ran off with him. Passing under a large apple tree grow ng by the roadside, the boy's neck was taught in the forks of two large limbs, Ind his neck forced up into the crotch )f the limbs. The horse was going very rapidly, and the force drew his neck Into the forks of the limbs so tight as to hold him there, strangling him, and A. MoDERNq ABSALOM!. tausing death before assistance ar rived, although several persons were iiear at hand. The horse ran on, leav %cg the boy hanging by t4 neck. An Adjunct to the Mail Service. The employment of trolley cars to issist in distributing the mails has proved quite satisfactory in Brooklyn. rhe part of the car reserved for the postofdice is especially fitted up for this purpose. The equipments of the traveling postofilee are similar to those rdinarily used. Several postal clerks arecompany the cars, and they open the nail bags and sort and arrange the mil on the route. The cars stop te take on and let off passengars in the asual way. They are run directly inte the postofflce yards to load or unload the mails. In this work the trolley lines are looked upon as regular mail routes and are regularly engaged and paid by the Government It is prob le very general use of this novel plan will be made throughout the coun try. _ _ _ _ An Ideal Arm. Sculptors say that very few women 'ave arms that conform to the stand ard. A perfect arm, measured from the wrist joint to the armpit, should be twice the length of the head. The upper part of the arm should be large, full and well rounded. The forearm must not be too fiat, not nearly as fiat as a man's, for instance. From a well molded shoulder the whole arm should taper in long, graceful curves to a well-rounded wrist. It is beter te have an arm that harmonizes, even if. the parts do not conform to the generally accepted lines. For instance, a full, round, upper arm which is join ed to a flat or thin forearm has a very bad effect. Perhaps it is only a little worse, however, than a graceful, well molded forearm tacked on to a thiD crawny upper arm. Fair Invalld-I really~<do not see how am going to live through Lent. Coin forting Friend-Nonsense, dear, any voman ought to be able to live through ent Think of your Easter bonnete. 5ew York World. Money elevates many who, on Account of mediocrity, would, if nol HOW TO CATC4 BIG BAS& Mr. Winston Tells Hoor Fish A&f Caught in Southern California. F. S. Winston has recently returne( .rom a trip to Honolulu. His home coming was by the way of the aouthern California route. His stories of the manners and customs which obtain in the points visited are interesting. "It is entertaining to watch San Die gans catch sea bass," said Mr. Win ston. "First they bait a minnow hook with a bit of worm, and catch a min now. Then they bait the minnow on a larger hook, and fish with It to cap. ture a smelt. When they get the smelt they take their heavy sea-fishing tackle, place the smelt on the hook, and go to angling for a halibut or sea bass. After they get their halibut or sea bass, and the big, r either is the better, they bail It on a hook which is as big as a small anchor with only one fluke. This hook Is attached to a line a quarter of an Inch in diameter. When all is ready the fisherman whirls the big hook with the halibut on it several times around his head, and then gives it a toss out Into the water. Away it sails thirty or forty feet. "Say, for instance, that this black bass fishing is being done from the long dock at San Diego. San Diego Bay is about the best place for this fishing along the coast, although the fish are plentiful at other places. After the baited end of the line is cast the other end is coiled on the dock, and an empty keg or quarter barrel, or something like that is tied to it. Then the fisher man gets in his rowboat, taking a harpoon with him, and waits for a bite. Seems queer, here in the East, doesn't it, to go out after black bass? The trouble is, you see, that the black bass of those southern California waters weigh from 200 to 1,000 pounds, and it wouldn't be much use to go out after them with fly tackle -and an eight ounce rod. That's what I said. Thous and pounds. And it's true, every word of it. It isn't often one as large as that is taken, but they have been, and will be again. I helped kill one once that weighed 600 pounds. It took over five hours to do it, but that was nothing ex traordinary, for a 200-pounder will give his captors a good three hours' fight any time. "Sometimes one of these monster bass will be ready at hand when the halibut or sea bass bait goessailingthrough the air and lands with a splash in the water, and will seize itimmediately~but more frequently there is more or less of a wait for the big fish to bite. When be takes the bait, true to bass nature, away he goes with a rush. Instafitly as many persons on the deck as can get a hold on the line seize it and Blacken the tremendous fellow's pace if they can. If he doesn't happen to be too big they can generally fetch him to, but that is a rare occurrence. Usu ally the line whizzes through their fin gers at a rate that makes more than one of those having hold of the line drop it quickly to save their hands from blistering. The shore end of the line is soon reached, and it is dropped, for those handling it would be pulled head !rst off the dock if they held to it. Then the empty keg or barrel plumps over board, and the water chase is on. The fishermen in the boat follow the bar rel as it is towed swiftly over the sur face, and if the fish is a particularly large one it frequently happens that there will be a long stern chase of the barrel before the boat overtakes it, that 'bing the object of the men in the boat' Hard and Bitter Wills. It was remarked by a writer long ago that "there Is no revenge so hard and bitter as that of an old man." And It is one of the astonishing perversities of many natures that the longer they live the harder they hug their posses sions. The most disinterested affec tion is passed over, the most faithful and most valuable services are slightly and grudgingly rewarded. This mental and moral disease notably afficts the richest. The Marquis d'Aligre was a singular example. Hius will was con cocted 'with a special desire to disap poInt and insult his relatives, friends, and servants. To the first it said: "Ai for you, my relatives who have been so long spelling upon this fortune oil which 'I have concentrated all my af fections,' you are not going to touch a penny of It, and not one of you will be able to boast that you have squandered tne millions which the old Mar-quis d'Allgre had taken so many years te hoard up." Sir Robert Bevil, one of .Tames I.'s officials, did not even spare hIs wife. "I give unto my wife tenne shillings in r spect she took her sonnes part agatinst ne and did anymate and comufor-t himi afterwards. These will not be forgot ten." And the Earl of Stafford, who married the daughter of the Duic de Grammont, wrote: "To the worst of women, Claude Charlotte de Gr-am mont, unfortunately my wife, guilty as she Is of all crimes, 1 leave five and forty brass halfpence, which will buy a pullet for her supper. A better gift than her father can make her."--Thea Westminster Review. toCol. Baptiste's mistress was giving a din, ner party. In the course of the meal he came running into the room in s state of .wild alarm, exclaiming, "Quick! a glass of winel" Everybody stared, but the lady of the house pour ed a glass 'of wine and handed it tc Baptiste. Hie swallowed it at a gulp. "What is the matter?" demanded hii mistress. "Oh, madam! I wa~s dread fully upset. That glass of wine hat done me good. It has brought m( round. Only think, I have just had th4 misfortune to break your large desfied dihes of Sevres norcelainj" SUPPOSE W S&[IILP HUMOROUS PARAORAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPER& 'er..aat IncdentS Ooeurrfng the I Ove-SyingS That Ar Cheertal se Me 014 or Young-1Wany Sele*tlo* VW prybody Wm11 Enjoy eding. A Great Improvement. 'How is your sister getting on with her singing lessons?" "Well, papa has taken the wadding Dut of his ears for the first time to-day." -Fllegende Blaetter. Two Cynic& Blobbs-Do you think the averag* man is as stupid before he marries a le Is afterward? Cynicus--Cer'tainly, or he would.'s get married.-Piladelphia Record. Spirit of the Times. Mrs. Murphy-Yes, sonny, I've had a fruit stand in this block for thirty ears. Tim Ryan-If you'd have advertised you might have owned the block by thi: time.-Boston Globe. Rather Hard. "You don't seem to think this stor3 very funny," complained Smallworl ifter he had finished. "Oh, yes, I do," answered Ford. "Go ihead and tell some more of It"-Cin :innati Tribune. Knew Them Wel. Authoress-Are you widely kncw - Lmong editors? Lean poet-Oh, yes, I've kept them Licking my return envelopes for years -Boston Courier. The Worst of It. "Matrimony is a game of cards, with e chances all one way," she observed, %fter deep thought "Yes?'' "Yes. A woman has a heart, and a nan takes it with a diamond, and after that her hand Is his, and besides h3 :an beat her with a club."-Detroll tribune. Something at Any Rats, Weary Higgins-Dusty, rye a awdm pain in me stomach. Dusty Spriggins (sadly)-Thatf more ;an I has in mine, cully.-Judge' Mistakes of WidoweWs. Some men who marry ai second time nake mighty poor selections. We should think that, being experienced, they Wuld look around and iet a good one -Atchison Globe. - The Philanthropist Heard From. A foolish philanthropist is willing to pay the passage of the starving poor : the Sandwich Islands. There, he ays, they can help themselves.-Trutba Getting Along. Jones-How's Wheeler getting along ince he bought a byclcle? - Brown-On crutches, I believe.-Lifa Poetic Note. Yeast-How long does Fennison spend in one of his poems? ~ CrImsonbeak-He told me he spen x weeks on'the last one .he wrote., "You don't say so?" "Yes; it tooki him ten minutes to rte It and the balance of the time he ras trying to persuade some one to buy t."-Yonkers Statesman. A Brute. yudge-Your age, miss? Miss Elder-Thirty-two. Judge (to secretary)-Put down borr n 1838.-Fliegende Blaetter. Papa Warn Practical. Sayboy-I #ant to make a match dadge. Gayboy-Wh'y don',t you do it?~ Sayboy-Her father says it take noney to start a match factory on his tremises-Philadelphia Inquirer. A Matter of Birthplace. "I should have you know, sir, that I im a Londoner, as I was born in Lon Ion." "But I, sir, was born in Cork and I (m a Corker!"-Boston Globe. .s How He Said It. She-Why, this is only thirty-twm nches anid you advertise it as a yard wde. Three feet make a yard. Gallant Salesman-Not such feet as rours~, madam.-Boston Transcript The Point of View. Miss Jones-She sings with a great. deal of feeling. Don't you think so, Ir. Brown? Mr. Brown-Feeling? If she had ani feeling she wouldn't sing at alL-Fle ende Blaetter1 Reform iak. E new Ink, described as. "reform, ak," has beeli brought out in Hanover. It Is a thin fld, which allows as many as four copies to be taken, and still shows a good deep black shads. "Rie erm Ink" can also be made Cor ordi nary writing. It Is stated that, even tter a long lapse of tlie, nather et hnes inka fade.