Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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TRI-WEEKLY EDITION. WINNSBORO, S.C., MAY 7 1895. The "Sultan Is aroused" about things tn Armenia. A contemporary remarks that a boy sometimes goes wrong because of I misplaced switch. England is taking all our spare ap. ple" this year. Uncle Sam has already sped 800,000 barrels at an average pda of $2.65 per barrel. If the whipping post is to be revive foe wife-beaters, the ducking stool should also be restored as a protection to hen-pecked husbands. The uncertainty of things in Chim would possibly make It a good idea for LI Hung Chang to take his race-horses and other belongings and go to Eng Iand. The tramp who was found snugi ensconced in John Jacob Astor's bed maid he "guessed he would stay there all winter." John Jacob replied that Ie guest not. There is a popular impression that motives of thrift may lead Russell Sage to take measures to save his soul, but that If he succeeds it will not add much to his accumulations. Denver proposes to have a mining ex position. One of the gentlemen asked to subscribe promptly wrote himselb down for $50,000. When people really want anything this is the way to get it The sultan will "Investigate the out :ages" against the Armenians. That will be kind of him. But it will not re lieve the rest of civilization from the responsibility of investigating the In vestigation. The stories of old employes turnei aut of Government situations in Wash ington emphasize the well-ascertained fact that of the various ways of wreck. Ing a young man's career one of ihe Ilest is to give him a job at the capit!il In sentencing Harry Hayward to b fhangcd Judge Smith, of Minneapolis, bad the bad taste to say that he did not approve of capital punishment. Surely, without stretching his conscience, he might have made an exception in this Instance. There was a correspondent in the Ir. tian Territory, and he told the truth 'about the vain pretences of those who made believe capture the Cook gang. Now the correspondent has reason to suppose he will be safe in some other territory. "Truth crushed to earth wil) '-ise again." Advices from Washington state that :ertain railroads which applied for United States regulars duriag the re cent unpleasantness have filed fat bills with the War Department asking for pay for transporting troops to guard their own property. Those railroads qib not need a nerve tonic. In Passlac, N. J., the Board of Edo cation has made the teaching of cook lng a regular part of the curriculum for the upper grades in the girls' schools. Cooking is a useful accomplishmfenat, but 5t should not be forgotten that ini its higher branches it Is a man's occu-1 pation. As a rule, the highest salaried professors of cookery are of the mascu line persuasion. The people of Minnesota are movin5, Aike those of Iowa did a year ago, tc prohibit the 80 per cent. co-insur-ance clause in lire insurance. The insur ance companIes In that State, as in many others, attach a clause in the pol Icy providing that unless the insnre~d carries policies covering at least 80 per cent. of the value of the property In sured, in case of loss he shall receive only that proportion to the face of the policy which the amount of the policy bears to the per cent. In other words, Insurance becomes a partner with the Insurance cbmpany so far as paying the premium Is concerned, but there Is a discount on his dividends so far as the profits are concerned. Tue great mass of people do not look upon It as a fair deal and there is likely to be conaldera. ble inhibitive legislation. Charles Kolhoss, of Poolesville, Md., charges all his present woes to an ad vertisement, and so does his wife. I~e advertised "not wisely but too well." His advertisement brought him a wife, and now she Is trying to get rid of him. The story would make a first-class plot for a play, and we commend It to strog gling yotng dramatists in search & material. WVhen Mrs. Kohlhoss-gool name for a farce-comedy, too-decided that she had been married long enough she consulted a lawyer, who sent her a letter giving her some advice. It so happened that this letter fell Into the husband's hands and he unhesitatingly openecd and read It. This made Mrs. Kohlhoss mad and she had her husband arrested for opening a letter addr-essed to her. The case came up In the United States Court and Mr. Kohlhoss' coun sel raised the point that the wife could not testify against her husband. The judge sustained the objection, and as UIrs. Kohlhoss was the only witness there waa no evidence for the jury to consider and the case was thrown out ci court There are co)mplcationls and( situaticus enough for anytning from a or-e-act farce to a six-act mlodramna. it Is erseattislly Ameren, too. Now * ko will be the first to utilnze it? Just s Eflicacious. God bless the duke of Argyll!-Pcs Jon Herald. Did you ever try sulphur ma moascs?-Utira IHerald. WHEN CURTAIN SOFTLY FALLS We're actors all. no matter when Our several parts we play, In the fush of life's sweet morning Or thi twilight of its day; And soine day will end the drama, In the country or the town, And the hand of Time will gently, Softly ring the curtain down. Eveiy day our eager fingers Turn some new, unstudied page; To-morrow we may stand upon Some unfamiliar stage. We play our parts unceasingly, Before a smile or frown; But ia the end Time surely rings Life's varied curtain down. We kiss, we quarrel, make up again, It may be in the play; The faded rose lies on the heart When oft we must be gay. The wondrous song is broken ere The singer gets the crown, For in the midst of stanzas soft The curtain stealeth down. The child at play from flower to flower Pursues the golden bee, &nd, tired of chasing, falls asleep Beneath the hoary tree. rhus.. childlike, we, the drama o'er, For lover, king and clown, &wait in peace the hand that rings Lifo's golden curtain down. rhe eyes that we have brightened from The stage with speech or rhyme, Will drop a tear for us when comes The last act of our time; ndbands whose grasp we ne'er have felt Afar, in distant town, Uay wreathe a wreath for us when Time Hath rung life's curtain down. almly the actor true awaits Th-3 last words of the play; Elis fame secure, his duty done, He longs the restful day. So jealousies invade his sou!, For Love hath formed his crown, and brighter gleams his star as drops Life's pictured curtain down. -New York Clipper. tit "My!" exclaimed old Mrs. Barry, as, vith the freedom of one privileged, she alked without knocking into the iright and cozy kitchen of Miss Mora 4inturn. "Whatever does smell so ;od? Seems," with another sniff, 'as ef it might be chili sauce." Miss Minturn. in a trim gown of dark >hue print, protected by a great "bib" pron of Turkey red calico, nodded and miled, as she placed a chair for her un teremonious visitor. As a rule, people In Tattleton were trerse to exercising their lungs for the' enefit of Mrs. Barry. It was almost myossitble to make her hear, and if you ;ucceeded in doing so, you were morn Ihan liable to be misunderstood. "Air you goin' to eat all that yourseh~ his winter?" demanded the newcomer., vith her blinking eyes fixed on the big ~ranite kettle two-thirds filled with the ungen t, crimson, appetizing mixture. Miss Minturn felt that a nod and ye acity would now be at variance. So he turned toward her questioner and aled out loud and clear: "No; Most of this is for a person wh. as such an attack of rheumatism she ould not pick the tomatoes and onions nd peppers and put them up herself." Mrs. Barry continued to look at her lankly and inquiringly. Mora Min :urn went up close to her. "rart of the sauce," she exclaimed ilose to the ear of her guest, "is for dary Ann Cotter, who lives in the hol ow." "I should think his help could do that nuch cookin' for him!" declared the ld lady. "He keeps enough of 'em. always wondered, Mora-seeln' as 'ow the talk was kind o' got round to t-what for was the reason you andI darion Potter of the Hall didn't git narried years ago, seein' you was parkin' so long." Mora smiled as she noticed how the sl woman had confounded the two mames, which until this moment hat eer struck her as being similar. "I sail Mary Ann Cotter of the Hol ow, Mrs. Barry," she shouted. The cld woman flung up her hands! with a gesture of irritation. "I'm a little hard o' hearin', T allow, >t I aint so deaf that I aint heard what you said. Some o' that there ;Od-smlellinl' chili sauce is for Marion ?.ter of the Hall. Now you see." Miss Minturn smiled as she went inck to the stove and fished her net ,ag of whole spices out of the thick, ed compound. It was useless to i >rss the truth-to attempt to impress t, rather-on convinced Mrs. Barry. :ut she made her a cup of tea and rought out some snowy tea cakes for ar delectation, and listened patie'ntly mdit wth apparent interest to her bab >e. until the prosy soul took it into hier mad to depart and hobbled otY down he white, winding road. A serious look camne into Mora Min nn's face as she went on sealing r~p wr chili sauce in the little wide-mouth 'a jars sh: had saved for the purpose. Mairion Potter! So people had not for ;ttenl about her engagement to him .welve years ago. What was the fool *1h trie about which they had qua- - eled? And she had? sent him back huis ing n ith a few bitter words expressive C her satisfaction at hiavinr discovered She had been wrong-n wrong. She bad had other suitors after that, to be sure. jut she h.d found herself com paring them to Marion Potter, Invaria bly to their detriment, and had dis couraged all such attentions. And now that her mother was dead, and the boys were gone and married, and she lived alone in the cozy little homestead with only the orphan nephew she was bring ing up, she found it lonely at times very lonely. Walking across the kitchen, she re garded her reflection in the little wal nut-Dound niirror that hung near the window. The face that looked back at her was fresh, unvrinkled and pink cheeked, despite her thirty-six years. Eer simple, active, kindly life had kept her youthful in mind and body. But she sighed as she turned away. At that hour Marion Potter, stalwart, brown-bearded, gallant of bearing, was riding his huge black horse slowly homeward through the mellow sunset light. Many a maiden had sent him shy glances of admiration; many who would have been honored by his hom age, since those old days when he was known as the lover of Mora Minturn. But he was not a man to give his heart twice nor to do a woman the injustice of offering her mere affection. So, sur rounded by his books and dogs, he lived out his own life at his beautiful home on the hill. "Hallol Look out!" he cried, sud ienly reining up. "By George, but I nearly rode over you!" The old woman coming toward him, who had so unexpectedly darted for ward almost under his horse's hoofs, lifted a complacent countenance, fram ed in by an antiquated poke bonnet, as she demanded: "Don't you want to hire my sister Jane's Eliza, Mr. Potter?" "No!" roared Marion Potter, who wa aware that she was a little deafer than the proverbial post- "Why should I I have three servants now." Mrs. Barry comprehended, for she went on persistently: "But Jane's Eliza can cook, Mr. Pot ter. An' if you take her, you wouldn't have to be havin' your chili sauce made ut by Mora Minturn." Mr. Potter gave a start. "Eh? Steady, Kate! What are you talking about, Mrs. Barry?" Mrs. Barry did not hear him. She numbled on, however, and he listened. "Says I to her, when I happened in there just.now, 'Be you goin' to eat all that chili sauce this winter?' An' she 'lowed that she was makin' some of It for you. Now, if your help aint able to o that much 'ithout your givin' it out, [ jist think it 'ud pay youtohaveJaue's Eliza to do your cookin'." Mr. 'Potter nodded leniently. He werved his horse to one side, smiled back at Mrs. Barry, and rode on. Mora Minturn making his favorite beefsteak tcompaniment for him! Of course there was a mistake some where. But chili sauce! He could not remember when he had tasted it. To be sure, his housekeeper was not an idept at preparing table delicacies. Why he turned his horse's head out f the road leading to the Hall and rode lown that which led to the Minturn biomestead, he could not have told to save his life. Indeed, he was not aware that he had done so umtil the tempting dor of sliced tomatoes assailed hIs nos rils. and at the same second he caught tight of Miss Minturn In the garden, mipping away at some belated blooms af marigold, phlox, honeysuckle and nignonette. So familiar the scene! So sweet and peaceful the place! So suggestive of dome the trim form moving among the withering bushes! Could it be that twelve years had elapsed since he came ere to visit his sweetheart? He swung lown, secured Kate to the gate-post tud walked up the path. "Mora!" he said as he neared her. She straightened up. Her garnered spoils fell from her apron. The pink in ier cheeks deepened. She felt distinct vely glad that she had put on her new zaroon house gown. "I met old Mrs. Barry a short while go," he went on, hastily. "She said you were p)uttiug up some chili sauce r me." "Oh, did she say that? I could not ake her understand that it was for >d Mrs. Cotter-Mary Ann Cotter of :he Hollow." "I say!" called a boyish voice-"that ou, Mr. Potter? Never knew you come up here before. Say-that setter you rave me is a daisy! Are you going to stay to supper? Is he, Aunt Mora?" toaxingly. "if he will." "Of course he will," decided the un onventional nephew of Miss Minturn. "Come and see my safety." He dragged his captive off In triumph. uch a supper as Mora got up in a short space of ti might "tempt a dy ig anchorite to eat." The crisp broil ed chicken, with the tiny, transparent rolls of bacon surrounding it; the brown French fried potatdes, piping hot; the ight, spicy gingerbread; the feathery biscuit, the old-fashioned strawberry preserves; the fresh-brewed, fragrant Dick did most of the talking at sup per-there was no doubt of that. But when Mora walked down to the gate with Mr. Potter about 9 o'clock he had two jars of the chili sauce, which at supper he had so praised, under his irm. "Mora," he said, "I have seldom seen rou for many years, although we have ived so near together. I'm glad of this iance to say how soi ry I have often been for my dictatorial tone that time, ears ago. I was wholly in the wrong." "No-no! I was too self-concentrat d. It was I who was wrong." "Mora, is it too late to forgive; forget an amend1 new?" She held out her hands to him. He had to put the two jars of chill sauce down on the gate-post to take them. The horse neiglied impatiently. Dick called from thie lighted doorway. Around the reunited lovers closed the darkness, sweet with a thousand dell clous autumnal seents. Transcendental Observation. Head Mistress-Miss Balfour, I saw you kiss that Tarleton boy. What Is .he meaning of that? Sweet Girl Undergraduate-I CaL spell it, Miss Grayson, but I can't de. tine it.-Chelsea Free Lance. Man Like. Lodge men wiio would turn up theht noses at cold hata and dried bread at home go crazy over such a repast at their lodge rooms and call it a "ban quet." A man will take lots from his lodge he wouldn't from his wife.-At, chison Globe. A Cultivated Taste. Mrs. Snap Bean-How can you look me in the face? Mr. Snap Bean-Hicd I've gotten use# to it. A Union. "I hear the lightning-rod agents havq formed a union." "Yes, and it's sure to cause trouble.' "Why so?" "Because they are always talking about a strlke."-Phladelphia Times Explained. Britisher-What great strides yot American girls have taken in the lasi two years! Gotham Girl-It is only since then that we have discarded skirts fof bloomers, you know.-New York World. Did His Best. Mrs. Newrich-Suzanne, tell Robert the butler, that if he-must smoke In thi kitchen to use better tobacco. Suzaine-I did tell him, but he says they're the best eigars master .has. Boston Budget. - - ONCE A TANNER'S BOY. But Now He I President of the French Republic. We have long and justly prided out selves on the possibility of advance ment that lies before the youth of out land, but we are not the only peoplq among whom the ladder of fame may be successfully climbed. Felix Faure TEPB~sIDThZN OFFR cE From photgraphtaken In 1860. whenM Faure was a tanner's apprentice.] the present president of the French re public, rose to his high position frou the office of a tanner. Above his des3 angs a picture of himself in tanner'I lothes which was taken when he wai 19 years old, and which he takes greal delight in pointing out to his friends Since his elevation to the chief magis tracy President Faure has gained great y n popular favor and is regarded as the cleverest president the French re public has yet had. He is very demo cratic in his tastes and very charitable He Would Be Late. The beadle in a rural district in Perth-: shire had become too feeble to performx is duties as minister's man and gravei digger, and had to get an assistant. Tbg two did not agree well, but after a feiw months Sandy (the beadle) died, and Tammas had to perform the last set1 vice for his late partner. The minis. ter strolled up to Tammas while he we.s giving the finishing touches to the grave and casually remarked: "Have you pui Sandy weel down, Tamnmas?" "I hex. that, sir," said Tammas, very decided. ly; "Sandy may get up, but he'll bE amoug the hindmost" Brownmith-So your daughter i arried? What is her husband's busi ness? Montmorency-Well, he's a ount, I believe, or something of that sort; but he doesn't work at it now. Getting religion is like getting in love. You don't want a crowd present whet you get itr If you 'have a strong point in your tharacter, don't make it a weakness "y admiring It too much. One of the sunniest things in the .m.M i t Se a fat gdrl or a tall trirl INHABITANTS OF FEZ. Ancient Customs of That Old-Faehe ioned Town of Morocco. The death of the sultan of Morocc. as again directed the attention of the nations to the northwest corner of the Dark Continent, to that remarkable country whose people and rulers have :ontrived to remain Isoloted through s I,1 A BEAUTY OF FEZ. the ages from Christian civilization, from all Its blessings and from al its evils. Morocco Is at present, perhaps, the only lohammedan land where Oriental life and costumes have been retained In all their genuineness and anciency. No city in the world has so many inrestored ruins and neglected, unten anted houses as Fez. Some still show the ensemble of mediaeval palaces and public buildings, uncanny looking structures surmounted by large, totter ing towers, on the verge of collapse. >thers are but great heaps of stone, Xnd at the most only a few black walls remain of the ancient Moorish architec ture. An almost sickly complexion charac terizes most of the Moors met on the treets; the rest of the population var ies from yellow, chocolate, and coffee brown to the pure black. With the poor and the beggars, who are In the major ity, the penchant is to adorn their bod es with variegated tatters; the infan try color the gay tableau with their red, brown, yellow and green jackets, but the mechanic and the small trades men preTer the al white or rather 1v Dry-colored "halk" which they under stand like none other to throw arotmd thlr tall fbrms In gracefulfolds. The children, wMlTi babyland are carried by motherS on their shoulders in sacks, go about In many-colored little Jack ets tightly girded. The Infant would here is extraordinarily charming and retty-amiable, Intelligent features and fine sparkling black eyes. Like so many large, heavily cloaked and hood ed dolls, the women, with the excep tion of the negresses, waddle through alleys and streets, allowing a little peep-hole through their thick veils, large enough to see but not to be seen trougb. Oats and Scotland. When Dr. Johnson had defined oats s "a grain which In England is gen rally given to horses, but in Scotland upports the people," Lord Elibank tri impaIy retorted: "But where will on find such horses and such men?" e may admire the patrotism, but we must regret the loyal mendacity of is lordship, for he must have known ow dirty, slow and slovenly his rural rounrymen vere. The food of the people was poor, foi hey had nothing to cook except oat ad barley tndhIt and kail-greens from heir yard, fdi no other vegetables were known) and beef or mutton they ;eldom saw, and pigs' flesh they would ot eat if they had It. Their drink as fermented whey, kept for a year n barrels, or ale made from oats and eath&I. Milk they rarely had, for the eagre cows provided only two or three nts a day, and that was kept sour ~rom being In foul dishes. So a 'erse were the people to cleanli ess that the butter owed its consis ency to the number of cows' hairs in t, and was churned in kirns which ere kept filthy because It was "un anny" to wash them. The men, clad their ragged, home-woven plalding cat, with shirts changed twice a year -at Martinmnas and Whit Sunday .d feet without shoes, save on Sal> ath and in winter snow, were miser' bly dirty, and their skin hard and vithered from exposure outside and :he peat reek indoors, and subject to he obnoxious diseases that dirt alone egenders.-The Scottish Review. On the Decay of Paper. The introduction of wood fibre Into e manufacture of paper, its econom cal production, and the attractiveness )f the -article so produced, have com Aned to tempt the papermaker not to ake for "all time," but for the day, .d only sufficient for the day Is the bvil thereof. Modern methods of book Illustrator. 'equire a paper of fine, even surface, with the property of semi-absorption f printer's ink, and this latter require nent has resulted in the very consider ble use of what Is known as "half izd" paper, I. e., paper which has but .small portion of gelatine,. or other ,lze, on which the permanent cohesion )f the paper depends. Such paper can mot resist the influences of alternate -arations of temperature and humidity > which all books are expose4. and thus iltimate decay is probable.-Notes and lueres. " Jsn't it sd," asked the young giri. ~onanticaly, "to think of the roses mf yesterday?" "It is," said the young nan, emphatically. "I have an unpaid stra. bil of 2W"--Chicago Recoyt ABOUT TOOTHPIOK5. k The Orange Wood Ones Are Broughl from Europe and Are the Best. "I wonder how many of the inen who come in here and use those orange wood toothpicks," said a man in ai uptown lote, "know where they COme from and how they are made? They are made by the cleverest whittlerd in the world, and every one of them 1 of hand manufacture. The peasants in Spain and Portugal make them, and they first found their way into t4i country through the medium of steam. ship officers. It Is a fact that hotels in all parts of this country are using these orange-wood slivers now in pref erence to either quills or the old-fash. toned toothpicks, and the demand foi them here has been a perfect godsend to the peasants who make them on the other side. "A year or so ago I was In Spain and saw the peasants making them. They could turn out one with three slashes of the knife, and it was their custom to do them up in packages of twenty and sell them to tourists and steamship officers for the equivalent of 'one cent of our money. At that time the peas. ants made them in their leisure mo ments, but now I am told many peas ants make their living manufacturing toothpicks. You see the demand for them has increased to such an extent that the peasants can sell all they can make. The steamship officers sell them here at a profit of about a cent on each package, which amounts to consider. able when a large number are sold. "A peculiar phase of the matter Ix that not a cent of duty is asked for or paid on them. They were formerly re -eived in such small quantities that no attention was paid to them, and the steamship officers are still able to get them in free, because toothpicks are the last things cbstoms officers are lookilig for. And as toothpicks they ire really excellent They are strong nd flexible, and Instead of breaking, tear, so that there Is no danger of the mnd suddenly breaking off and remain ing in the tooth, a characteristic of the ld brittle toothpicks. It is a wonder to me that some one doesn't make a business of importing them. I believe that steamship officers have a monop yly of the business up to date, and I im sure that there wotild be money in it for somebody if he snatched the business out of their haEds."-New York Sun. Rather Inconpetent. A lot of old mariners wer6 sitting o0, a pile of freight at the Wharf spinning yarns of the gea&-ao of sea seroents and hairbreadth-EScape, but of the roubles they had had with Inexperieno .d crews. "When I was a captain on the Ne York and Hong Kong clippe.. line I lost my mate," said one of them, "and I had to get a new one at Hong Kong. He came well recommended, so he was giv en the berth. The third day out he came down to my cabin, woke me up and explained that a gale was coming ap and he thoUght we were carrying 0oo much canvas. "'Al'right,' says I. 'Shorten sail a little.' In about an hour he came down and woke me up again. 'It's blowin' harder every minute, captain,' says he. 'All right,' says I. 'Take in some more sail and don't bother me any more. Usf your own judgment' "In about an hour I felt the vesse. pitching and rolling about like a cork. Things were hopping on deck and I thought I had better get up. When I got on deck the only bit -of canvas spread was the main skys'L "'I thought I told you to shorten sail,' Iroared at the mate. 'Why didn't you take in that skys'l?' "'Well, says he, 'I did shorten sail took in the biggest first, an' that bein' he smallest on the vessel, I let her stay.' "Then I commenced inquiring where te had obtained his nautical education, and, bless my soul, if he had ever been on anything but a Chinese funk, where they shorten sail from the desk up." Pdssibilities of Cuba. The sugar production of Cuba, enor mous as it now is, can be increased ten fold. And by the 'aid of modern Im provements in the method of manufac ture sugar can be produced so cheaply there that no other country In the world can fairly compete with it. Only a tithe of the lands adapted to sugar is now under cultivation. Coffee growing. which was once in the front rank of its industries, has now fallen to a matter of small importance. With capital, and confidenee in the honesty and good will of the Government, this industry could again be put upon a profitable footing. So near as it is to us, and with the rapid improvement in means of trans portation, it is the natural winter gar den for the United States. There is no question about the "frost line," that bugear of the fruit and vegetable rowers in our own South, and with cheap lands and cheap labor, and the encouragement that steamboat lines are now giving, we could be supplied un failingly with tropical products from this source. Bananas, cocoanuts, oranges, lemons, pineapples, would all pay well for careful and systematic cul A Stale from Behind. Blueblood Britisher-I came from a ine old English aristocratic family, I ossure you. Miss K~eenung--Ah, really? Did they ive you a g'ood character when you 'eft them?--New York World Girls of sixteen regard large famn. iles as extremely vulgar. About all that a college education does for a roun~g wn is to inds~te hsis QCocit (LT US ALL LAUGII. JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VARIOUS HUMORISTS. Fleuant Incidents Occurring the WOrM Over-sayings that Are Cheerful to the Old or Young-Funny Selections that Ewerybody Will Enjoy -eading. Fair Dealing. "I don't see why It is that Ethel Is al ways so popular with the men," she re marked. "Well," he replied, "it goes to shov that business-like methods pay best in the end. She has a reputation for the greatest promptness In returning a ring when the engagement is broken. -Washington Star. Her Preference. "John," said the shy woman, who u. nally thinks more than she says. "What Is it, my dear?" asked he? husband. "I wish you'd briug home fewer bet ting tickets from the race track and a few more matinee tickets." Withering. "What did you give at the pound tsarty?" she asked. "Oh, I gave myself away, as usual,. replied Willie Wishington. "Dear me, did they let you psss foi sixteen ounces?" Not in a Sleeper. "So Rusher has got a job at last, eh. I wonder is it that one with the sleep. ing-car company?" "I guess not. At least he told mt he'd struck a comfortable berth." Buffalo Courier. So English. Henry-What a pleasure It Is to hear Tabwock talk French. Charles-A pleasure! He never comeL Within a mile of the proper pronuncia tion. Henry-That's just It It's so En glish, you know.-Boston Transcript A Slight Error. -~ -r Tom Is so very punctilious, and in I this case was especially anxious about producing a good Impression. But the florist made the mistake of sending with the roses the card that bore the Inscription, "Do the best you can for A Representative. "What church does your represenita. tive attend in Washington?" "None 'tall. He's agin the church." ''How Is that?" "Well, I've hearn tell he's a-playlnr of the devil there!"-Atlanta Constitu tion. * __ Floating. Little .Tohnnie-Ma, why do so many tities have floating debts? Mrs. Flatter-I don't know, my desa unless it Is to keep them from-sinking under their obligations. - Brooklyu Exercise. Dr. Soakem-Your wife must take, iore exercise, Mr. Skintiint Mr. Skinflint-But what can I do', She positively refuses to move out og the house. Dr. Soaken-Well, you must give hei somne money to go shopping with..' Truth. Natural to Ask4 She.- I hear that you play poker four 'sights a week. He-Yes, and the other three even. , ngs I call on you. She-When do you sleep?-New Yorh World. His Reportory. "Does Morri~son know anything aboir 'uusic?" "He knows that the correct pronur. ciation is 'Vogzier.' "-Brooklyn LUf. Grateful. The plain, tailor-made costumes sre much In vogue with young ladles are occasionally the cause of amusing mis takes. IA young lady in a street car gave u~ h ter seat to an elderly lady. The old lady, near-sighted but grateful, war 'rompt in her acknowledgments. "'Thank you, sir," she said; "thank you. very much. You are the only gen tkeman in the car."-Youth's Comapam tun. A Neglected Branch. Smnythe-I Intend Harry~for the bar, Woull you advise his beginning on such 'ld works as Coke and' Blackstone? Tompkins-No, I would~ begin by groundling him even farther back. Smythe-Indeedil In what? Tompkins-The ten. comnmandments Kate Field's Washington. A Pathetic Ob'servation. The man who comes to this ofilce kn borrows a pencil, which he chews while writing an advertisernent, doesn't seem to have made any New -Year resolu tlons.-itchisou Globe.