Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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TRi-WEEKLYEDITION. WIINNSBORO, S. C., APRIL 9 1895. SALSE 89 The New York dog show Is said to be a howling success. , I Electricity presents an ingenious the 5ry that light is produced by noise - osh! Look at Congress. Chicago has decided that South Da kota divorces are bad. And this may be regarded as an expert opinion, too. Count Castellane and Anna (ould were married twice: but probably one divorce ceremony by and by will be sufficient. Horses are now so cteap out West that when a horsethief is captured he is not lydched, but is sent to the near est insane asylum. After all, girls. the best way to get , husband is to pick out an eligible bach elor and listen with -a pleased air to every word he says. The Cincinnati Enquirer has disco'v ered a "negro monstress" in Ohio. We feel quite certain that Noah Webster niever could have done It. It Is queer that there should be any difficulty in retiring the greenbacks. Our experience has shown that green backs always are too retiring. England has such a horror of war that she goes on spending millions in building torpedo boats, battle ships. and long-range guns warranted to liill. A San Francisco man was arrested and fined $40 for sneezing in a theater during a performance. California the atricals are evidently not to be sneezed Envious critics who are wondering why Chicago suspended a policeman for sleeping on his beat should remem ber tiiat there were no saloons open in ,hat neighborhood. Hetty Green's opinion that the wnrha Is going to smash loses nothing of its fervor from the fact that she faces the prospect of paying taxes just like peo ple who have less to pay on. The Toronto woman whose husband h:-l her life insured for $290,000 did e.jht in having the policies canceled. lu ier modesty she probably reckoned that no living woman was worth the amount. A Washin.gton dispateh says that in.ton to cscapo publicity and was one of the lions at a recepiion given by the Brices list nigIft" iD is ideas of escap Ing pnblife:t are certainly uuique. A Berlin street car company has just paid S2710o in the city treasury fpr the privilege of crossing -a certain frcet. hI ose slow-going foreigners have no comprehension of real modern political methods. They could have bought the entire City Council for less * money. Our sympathies go out to Actor Ham~ * Woodruff. Young Mr. Woodrazf was indieed to go to college in order to educate himself up to the requis;ite matrimonial standard of the Gould family. Nowv he has lost the girl and tinds~ himself with a good .education on his handIs and no way to get ihe cashi on it A faw yearR ago California offerea a bounty of $5 each for rooyote scalps. It was thought then that there were about 2,000 coyotes in the State, but thie claims for bounties for the last three months aggregate $53,000, with seventeen counties yet to hear from. Coyote raising is fast becomning one of the most proitable industries of the far West. The faculty of Harvard by a two thirds rote hare deelared that intereoi leglate football onglit to be abolished. Thec recommendatlon is advisory only and the committee on athleties is ntot under obligation to adopt it except up on its own conv~etion that the interest of the university would thus be pro moted. The consensus of op!nicon amon the best educationTal elements in the country has long been against football as it has been played of late S ears. It has ceased to be sport. It has become mere thuggery. Prize fights forbidden by lawv in nearly all civilized countries and possible now only by denattce and elusion of police rarely presented rrtore revolting features than have be<-n wit ne'ssed in professed gentlemen's games of football conducted in the name ad under the auspitces of great institutious of learning. Indian games In the old rock inclosures of South and Central America were not more sacrificial of life or limb; the cripplings, melmmin;:s and deaths due to football for a few years past reaching an aggregate tha t may well make college suthorities con sider whether such. a game. so played, belongs in ain era of civilization or tg recientiou deemed exploltive of s'ill.. Weather or Cofice? Landlady-Is it cold enough for you? Boarder (vindicti vely)-Do you mean the coffee? Friend from the next street (to hap py father)-H-alloa, Jills, let me con gratulate you. I hear that you have :s new boy at your house. Happy father -By G;eorge. can you hear him all that distance?--Tit-its. Banker (to applicant for clerkship)w "Have, you had any experience in a bank?A Applicant--"Yes, sir; I was .a depositor in one, until the cashier ran away w ith all the funds!"-Harper'i WHERE BRAVERY FORSOOK HIM, He had tramped the wilds of Africa ant seen the wild giraffe, And had gazed on lions fierce with greab est brashness; le had listened with tranquility to the striped hyenas laugh, And faced tigers with a courage that was rashness. le had scripped with big prize fighterr in the zenith of their fame, And had fought a dozen duels with the greatest of temerity; Re had entered burning buildings and saved women from the flame, And had swum Niagara's rapids with celerity. tIe'd played quarter back at football and had come out safe and sound, And had waded through gunpowdes with a candle that was lighted; . Ie had rescued prisoned miners in the caverns under ground, And in scenes of slaughter he was much delighted. When no one knew just how the clotA that's bullet-proof would work, He had worn it while the maker experl mented: There was searcely a known danger hi& courageous heart would shirk, And the more the risk the more he waA contented. But one bargain day, while saunterinh past'a mammoth dry goods store, When the weather was a-sweltering and a-simmering, And his friends dared him to try to pas. the women round the door, He refused, for his courage went a, glimmering. -New York Sun. HER OLD FOSSA. HERE was 8t much talk about -/ Professor Ches. ney before he ar rived that Larry declared herself sick of the sub ject. Larry was the only one of the family who had not met him, and with her usual perversity made up her mind not to like him. * He was learned In mathematics, which iuly scored against him in her eyes. "The calculating power alone should S t.a human, of Qluali ties," she quoted, her small nose in the air. -"There is sometgli wrong about a man whom everybody likes. My prophetic soul tells me I shall not take *o him, at least." The Wednesday the professor was expected Larry went for a long walk. She met Ned Erskine and Harry Win throp, two young artists with whom she was good friends, and enjoyed her. self very much, getting in barely in time to dress for dinner. They were assembled around the (able when she slipped Into her place, and there was a reproof in her mother's Voice when she said: "My third daugh '.er, Larinda, Professor Chesney." If there was anything that her third daughter hated, it was being addressed by her bal~ismal name. With a pout of' her red under lip she bowed hastily, and it wa s not until she had disposed of her soup that she looked at her op' posite neighbor. A tall, thin man with brown hair ant t short brown beard and moustache, thickly streaked with gray, a large domelike forehead, and near-sighted gray eyes? that looked kindly at her through his spectacles. He was a little surprised at the hos. tile expression in the brilliant brown eyes. which surprise deepened into a.. tcnishment when, in answer to a low voiCed remark, the young lady replied also in a I nw tone, but so distinctly that h~e heardl 'very word: "I think he is an ->ld fossil.", Notwitlistanding this, several timeb during the meal his eyes strayed to the white-robed figure, the bent, shining brown head, and once, in the midst of a remark from Augusta, he turned Iquickly to listen to a peal of merry 'aughter from Larry. Several of her friends came In during the evening, and she devoted herself to their entertainment, completely .i norin;g the professor. When she kept up this behavior for nearly a week it nitracted the attention of her family as well as that of the visitor, and when genftle hints w'ere scorned Larry was severely r:'r rimanded. "You are positively unladylike." sakt .uMrs. Austin. "and I insist on at least civility. ie must think you an ill nranne red child." "I dare say I do seem a child to hb a.dv.anc'ed years," saucily answered Larry. "You are exceedingly impertinent,' mswered Mrs. Austin, who was now v-ery an;:ry. "I insist on your being iite~ to l'rofessor Chesney, and doing your share tow~ardl entertaining him, of ,shall certainly coinplain of you te rtour father. Leave thezroom, miss." A little ashamed and wholly angry L-irry whisked out of the room al-most itro the irofessors armus, with such '.jrc' as to ramther stag:;er him. With a hasty "1E.cnse me!" she sped alonig the c'orridior and up the stairs w:':1l the "estimabtleh gentleman" steci -ind looked after he'r. 'An old fossili!" he murmnured, with a ~ ht smile. strekmu.; his beard. Sho~rtly after thlis. to the surprls"o 0 .:11. La:rry suddenly ebauged he.r taicties, ned at dinner one da:y addresse'd the pofes~sor. lHe answeredl courteously, ::nd v'ery readily joined in the argm ment bet ween hersalt and .Tim. Hem Ir.marka were bright and amusing. li somewhat crude, anci tne brown eyes4 and changeful face were very attrac. mi tive. In the evening she played and So sauz for him. and was as brliht and be witching as the heart of man could de- J1i sire, much to the surprise of some and si the annoyance of others of her family. St "She means mischief," thought Jim, wi uneasily. "Are you beginning to suc- 11 cumb to the professor's charms?" he til whispered. "You know I gave you a ht week." so "I am thinking of getting up a collec tion of fossils," she answered, with a fc mocking laugh, "and this is too fine a w specimen to lose. Don't you dare in- rA terfere.". .Ut "Poor wretch," rejoined Jim. "He has my sympathy." z t Unable to account for the change iD tb Larry's manner, the professor never- ly 1heless found her very agreeable, and, though never neglecting anyone else, it soon became evident that she was the attraction. The other two reluctantly gave way to her, and it was she who went with him to picture galleries and r 4ctures and concerts, who was the life of theater and opera parties-saucy, willful, charming. PC With all his gravity and erudition it & was plain that he admired this ill-regu- a lated young woman. He had never be fore been thrown closely into compan ionship with such a creature. He ad- V mired her beauty, her dainty costumes, te even her girlish extrivagance of speech and saucy disregard of his opinion 5. pleased him better than Augusta's to unvarying politeness or Gertrude's o1 cleverness. His eyes followed her ev- ar ery movement, a wistful light in them that sometimes touched Jim. _Larry was carled up in a deep win- is dow sill, overlooking the park, basking in the sun, for she was a veritable q Persian in her love of sunlight, when ge Professor Chesney came into the room. re He leaned against the side of the win- a dow, looking at the picture she made be in her quaint puffed and furbelowed gown, the sunlight falling on her brown head. Larry looked up, nodded with a amil6 that showed her small white teeth, and settled back in'her original position, t waiting for him to speak. And so he ly did after a while, but not as she ex peoted. "I am going away to-morrow, MfisC Larry," he said. "My pleasant visit has come to an end all too soon." Ia "To-morrow!" echoed the girl, sitting ap straight. "I am very sorry you aro toing." And, much to her own surprise, shi realized thatthe remark was perfectly 1 sIncere. s^ "I am glad to hear you say that," said the Professor, trying to keep his voice M steady. "It makes It a little easier to in Iay something that is in my heart" be Then he told his story in warm, eagej as words, ve usual calm tones -words arry strangely. fr There w q ipression on her as pale face as she stood before him. re "Professor Chesney," she said, with to 4uivering lips, "I am not worth the ht love you have offered me. You'll real- as ize that when I tell you that I have in only been pleasant and civil to you all to these weeks, not for liking for you, but 0 to-to plague the others." Eu IThoroughly ashamed, she bent her m aead, unable to meet his eyes. at "You mean th'at you have deliberatel) m: played a part all these weeks? You p1; wfhom I thought so frank and true? BI How could you do it? Then you have .by not the slightest love for me in your ad heart--that, I suppose, Is out of the BI question?''" There was a hurt, shocked tone in hI6 dr voice that touched Larry keenly.- ht "I don't love you," she answered, "but th ? shall be very grateful if, after what tel I have told you, you will let me be your friend." gi She put out her hand and moved a atep nearer to hitn, but to her mortifi- eg cation her extended hand remained un- Bi touched. 3 "By and by I may be able to appre. de liate your offer. I shall try, but you've taught me a hard lesson, Larry, one I'm not likely to forget Perhaps I ought to have known better"--but with a break in his voice-"I'm not used to women.ei I'm only an old fossil, after all." d And without another word he left her. St U'p in her room Larry was still more ha iurprised to find a bit of crying neces sary. She could not account for the h unhappy feeling that took possession; of her as she reviewed the past weeks s and realized that the kindly, pleasant I i companionship she had accepted so ch heedlessly was at an end. j y "I suppose he'll hate me now and for' ever more," she thought between, herfr Eobs, "but how could I say I loved hioim when I didn't" Then she sobbed all the harder. Is The Professor left the next afternoona ye while Larry was out ' th A box of white roses lay on the table. S~ Addressed to her, a card attached, on tir which was written: "From your friend1, tic Roger Chesney." That was all, but she1 wl guessed dimly what an effort it cost him th: to write it. wi With trembling fingers she made three parts of the flowers and gave a< them to her mother and sisters. cou "I don't want them," she' said proud. th: iy, in answer to her mother's remon- an strange. "I was only civil to him to th< please you all." Ill Jim noticed that the brilliant eyes~ sh store full of tears and that she took va dhe card away with her. (of "It must be a relief to you to have sh 1uim gone," he said, as they stood for a s mnoment in the hall. "Association with WI such a serious man must have been a m trial to you." |s lie was unprepared for the way she f e, 3l med out at him. | ed "Saich a trial as makes me more will. ID lng to accept the statemient that mani is be n~ade after God's own ima;ge and podc mses some god-like attributes. Now knd he did, a lurking smile under h istache and a most emphatic "1) ye!" upon his lips. )ne bright morning early In Junt n opened the door of Mrs. Austin's ting-room. Larry was there alone. e had an industrious fit on her, and th the sleeves of her blue morning ess turned back, displaying two pret y rounded arms, feather duster in .nd, she was whIsking the dust olf me rare pieces of old china. "Larry, here is an old friend or urs," Jim announced. "Treat him ?ll, for he sails for Egypt to-morrow, ver to return. I'll be back in a min e." Rte vanished,' and there, Inside th-, >sed door, stood Professor Chesney, inner, grayer, but with the old kind smile on his lips that she remem red so well. Startled out of her self ssession, Larry stood with her duster spended over gran'ma's hundred ar-old teapot. - 'I sail for Egypt to-morrow," said the ofessor, taking a few steps Into the Dm, "and I may never return. Wout u wish me godspeed, Larry?" "rash went gran'mfa's priceless te-. t in a dozen pieces on the polished or. and the next thing Larry knew e was cryin'. rhe Professor approached her. "Are you crying because I'm going ray or because you have broken the pot?" asked the visitor. "Both!" cried Larry, with a convul re sob, which was smothered in the ds of the Professor's coat as the arms that estimable gentleman closee und her. "How about your prophetic soul?' n asked, later on. "I thought you lled him a fossil?" 'So I did," answered the young lady, te unabashed, "but I also said I was ttng up a collection of fossils, sud :gnized the fact that he was too fine specimen to lose. Don't you remem r?"-Bow Bells. B1ible Law. [n the early days of interior MissourI, ys the Green Bag, the late Judge E. t cord-wood, cleared up his home ad farm, and was employed, on near. every case that came.up; for he was r some years the only lawyer in the untry. He had no books save an old Lther-covered Bible and an odd vol 2e or two of history; he had only read w In Kentucky a short time during i youth. - k young attorney from the East set d In the little country town, with his rary of half a dozeniiew and hand ind on his at appearance ir-court-he brought >st of his library to the justice's office, a fine, beautifully flowered carpet g. E. was engaged against him, and usual, had not a book. . When his adversary drew his books )m the pretty carpet-bag, E. looked tonished, but quickly recovered his idy resources, and asked the justice excuse him for a few moments. He rried to his homestead, half a mile ray, put his old Bible and histories :o a grain-sack, brought them into art, and laid them on the table. rhe evidence was introduced, and tht stern man, who was for the plaintfff, tde his opening argument, and read some length from his text-books. E. tde his characteristic speech In re r closed by reading from his old ble a law just the reverse of thai his opponent, and took his seat His versary reached over, picked up the ble, and looked at it 'Your honor." said' he, eagerly ad ssing the justice, "this man is a mbug and a pettifogger! Why, sir, is is the Bible from which he has pre ided to read law!" [he old justice withered him with a ince. 'Set down!"hle thundered. "Set down hat better law can we git than the . ble?" le decided the ease in favor of the fendant. An Invalid Suiamp Collector. Ednee Brower, the 12-year-old 'h rings, Ark., invalid who was known her personally or through correspon nce to people all over the United tes, Is dead. For seven years she d been unable to walk or move any rt of her body except her hands and ad, on account of injuries to her ne, received by a fall when she was ly 5 years old. She was a bright ld and could read and write. For a r or more past she has been collect canceled postage stamps, and ends from all over the Umited State's re sending them to her. In this y she supported herself by selli1:. mps to dealers. During the pasitI ur she collected 1,000,000 stamps in s way, for which she received $100. e had to lie on her stomach all the ie, and in that uncomfortable. posi n she would work day after day, iting letters and counting stamp9 tt had been sent her, but she was al: tys bright and cheerful. L few daysego the malls brought bei :opy of the Washington Post, which itained a notice that she was a fraud, Lt she was not an invalid. This was error, which probably grew out of fact that a Miss Edna Brown, of nois, is also collecting stamps in a rlar way for the support of an in lid sister. This notice had the effect breakig Ednee Brower's heart, for became fil and died shortly after. e talked of the publication all the lle, and said she would collect no 're stamps, for she would rather re than be pronounced a fraud. A moments before she died she open her eyes and asked the physician, .W. H. Barry, how long It would be fore she could go to heaven, then she sed her eyes as though she had only len aceam LET US ALL- LAUG1i. JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VARIOUS HUMORISTS. Plesant Incidents Occurring the Woft Over-Sayings that Are Cheerful to the Old or Young-Funny Selections thas -Vverybody Will Enjoy Beading. Treatment Needed. "Got It this time!" shouted the in ven tor. "Got what?" asked his friend. "Got an Idea that is going to make .ny fortune. I have invented a furnace that gets hotter on cold days and cools off as the weather warms up. All I want now is to see a capitalist" "Capitalist! What you want is to see . doctor."-Indianapolis Journal. Political Economy. "I see," said Maud, who was reading the newspapers, "that in discussing currency they nearly always have something to say about 16 to 1. I won der wh'at it nieans." "Oh," replied Mamie, with an air of superior knowledge, "I guess it meaus that the chances are 16 to 1 against Congress doing anything about it." Partly True.. "He called me a gibbering idiot," ahouted the violent man. "Now, I ask you candidly, what do you think of that?" "I should first wish to know just wha ae meant by gibbering," rejoined .the cautious party.-Detroit Tribune. Didn't Worry Her. Mistress-My goodness! this is awful. There you are reading dime novels, s'd ;oor little Tommy crying something ter rible. Jane-Oh, mum, I don't mind it a bit. -Punch. Tough. Algie-Did she set the dog on you? Cholly-Yaas; had to hold it the whole evening. Very Conscientious. Boy-Mister, would you like to see i) ,dog do a smart trick? Gentleman-What can he do? "Most everything. Give him a nickei and see him go across the street and uy some candy." "Very well. Here, doggle! Hum! He cook it but dropped it and evidently has 20 intention of picking it up." "He thinks it's a counterfeit, mister. 3ut never mind, I'll go over and pass It myself.' T~EIaTas honest as he Is." Good New& The Reason of It. Hillson-I see that, the cheap excur sions westward are all crowded just tow. Moxy-Yes; a Dakota judge has just announced a job lot of divorces below cost-New York World. Might 8ave Fuel. St 1Peter-.Well, who are you? Newly Arrived Shade-I'm an inven tor of a smoke-consumer from St. 'Louis. St. Peter-They need you down be. ow. Nexti-Judge., Needed It. Hicks-You are so handy making oves things I wish you would do something for me. Mrs. Hicks-What do you want made ver? Hicks-That box of cigars you bough; me.-New York World. Good Reason. "What warrant have you for think'. ing that Shakspeare was a' broker?" "Oh. none, only the fact that he hab turnished so many stock quotations." Indianapolis Journal. A Sure Means. The following boardIng-house dia ogue is rep~orted by an excliange: Jones-"This chicken Is fourteen ears old." Smnith-"How can you tell the age or r chicken?" Jones--"By the teeth." Smith-"By the teeth! Chickens don't ave any teeth." Jones-"But I havel" Completed the Circuit. Spencer-"Has an inquest been held ver that man who got under the wheel f a trolley car?" Fergusou-"Yes. But the jury did ot agree upon a verdict. They could iot make upl their minds whether he as crushed to death or electrocuted.' A Witty Comedian. Foote, the comedian, was once threat ned with a whipping because he had aricatured a certain man. He apolo ized fervently, adding: "Why, I take yself off sometimes!" and slipping hough an opening in the fence he illus. ;'ated the deed.-Youth's Companion. Among the Wall-Flowers. Miss Sears-What is there about Mr. humpley that he should be'a society Miss Fitz-He ia the king of beasts. ew York World. Her One Regret. When a woman is jostled by the .nan who goes out between the acts her one regret is that he isn't sitting behind her new theater hat instead of beside it.-Washington Star. Conscientious. New Rteporter-"I went to the Hon. Mr. Mudd's house at S p. m. and they taid he was in Europe." Editor-"Well?" New Reporter--Then I went again it 9, 10 and 11. but each time they said hae ws. still in Erope." ' NEW STYLE DRESSING CAS. Has the Novel and Convenient Feat1 p ure of a Triplicate Mirror. . I One of the newest shapes in dressint h !ases is represented in the illustration, c from the Housewife. The novel fea4 ture of this dresser is that on either side t of the mirror is attached a much small. 14 er mirror, which works on hinges, so g that you can see your side face In them g -in fact, a triplicate mirror, which can D be closed when not in use, and is very a serviceable as a gentleman's shaving v d t1 A NEW STYLE DRESSDNG CASE. glass. Another feature is the two clos- i ets, one on each end of the dresser'top, Ip where ladies' and gentlemen's hats can r: be kept. The fancy toilet set which +1 Is used on this dresser is made of fine butcher's linan worked in violets, which is the fashionable craze at present. Th1; toilet articles are of Dresden china. : The lMarket Place. There is no doubt that the protection . which used to be accorded to the mar- a ket place from the earliest barbaria: times has played an important, thou.igh not an exclusive, part in the emancipa tion of the mediaeval city. The early barbarians knew no trade within their village communities; they traded with strangers only, at certain definite spots. on certain determined days. And, in & order that the stranger might come to e the barter place without risk of being slain for some feud which might be run ning between two kins, the market wai always placed under the special pro- C? tection of all kins. It was inviolable, like the place of worship under the shadow of which it was held. With the Kabyles it is still annaya. like the footpath along which women ) carry water from the well; neither must P be trodden upon in arms, even during inter-tribal wars. In inediaeval times ' the market universally enjoyed the . same protection. No feud could he' prosecuted on ite place whereto people came to trade, nor within a certain ra dius from it; and if a quarrel arose u In the motley crowd of buyers and sell- i ers, it had to be brought before those under whose protection the market d stood-the community's tribunal, or the r, bishop's, the lord's, or the King's judge. a, A stranger who came to trade was a guest, and he went on under this very name. Even the lord who had no sern ples about robbing a merchant on the high road respected the Weichbild, that P Is, the pole which stood In the market e: place and bore either the King's arms it or a glove or the Image of the local- w saint, or simply a cross, according to whether the market was under the pro- ti tection of the King, the lord, the local church, or the folkmote-the vyeche-- it The Nineteenth Century.-. Primitive Illuminations. From the moment when people -ceased to observe the regular bedtime of ani mated nature and began to sit upl atc nights, there beg-an a new era in hu man affairs. We dont know much about that Palpeolithic man who hunt ed bears and rhinoceros and such small I ' deer about our primeval forests; cer tainly not enough to say whether he used lamps or candles, or pe'rforce I contented himself with the, ruddy glow W of the fire, around which he would sit n with his family, toasting mammoth Id marrow or grilling hyena steaks or o ther toothsome morsels. Perhaps our prihiitive 'nan was too fond of fatas an article of diet to care to waste it in experiments, else he might easily have invented the rush gm light, so simple and primitive is it, and w still made and used in primitive houise- ec: holds such as you find now and, then fe among the Welsh hills.w A bundle of dried rushes dirped sev i eral times in melted mutton fat, there in ;fs all the process, and a capital miniia- to ture torch Is the result. which the most w boisterous winds can hardly extin- t gnish. Now, somethinug off this kinidont - at primitive man may have ixnown how w to make. If he had not :irrived at d (i his muttons, the fat of the c-are bear y or the bison'-might have served his a turn.-All the Year Round. - di Money would be more eni.ioyable if it . took people as long to Speud it as it does to earn it. b! Praise a man, and somebody will tell a you something "on" him. How much a plumber's kit resembles r a burglar's kit of tools. L ,Tudge Radsdale tells of a Clarksinn - youth who' wanted to maury. Ht. wei awfully freckled and homily buit he said he-axed Sal and she said: "Well, John, I want to marry. 1 know, but I wants a man all eno~ color." I -Atlanta Constitution. C A Kensington youth, who hadi h'.ev told that a certain young latiy's frmner had plenty of dough. pro~pos.-dl to her before he discovered that the oild mI:i was a baker.--Philadelphiia R-c. ril. When some women entertain i**. work so hard that you can't enjoy yot: 1 riit for feelnn enory for th'm~ _ Had Fast Trains Even Thea. If anybody were asked what coM. irison exists between the speed of tilroad trains now and fifty years ago ? would probably say that hardly any Ln be made. The difference, however, is far les - ian Is generally supposed. fu May, 08, the Great Western Railway en ne Great Britain was driven by En Leer Almond from Paddington to idcot, fifty-three miles, in forty-seven Inutes, starting and stopping. When e consider that the brakes in those iys were very crude this is pretty fast aveling. Nor was this done once, but repeat Ily. The broad-guage expresses are fr6 uently timed at the rate of a mile in )rty-eight seconds, or seventy-five tiles an hour. and even a higher maxi tun was attained for short distances. The Bradshaw for 184S shows that ie morning express was timed to ,ave Paddington at 9:50 o'clock and urt again from Dideot at 10:47. Al wing four minutes for the stop at ideot the train must have been offi Ally timed at a mile a minute. The railway records show that th. -ain often arrived under time. .hese facts should silence a grea. any persons who prate about the tienomenal progress recently made in ilroad matters in general and rapid ansit in particular. Wanted a Suoject. "I don't believe you can read mina., ncher know," said a chappie to a pro ssional mind-reader. "Oh yes, I can." replied the lattek leasanly. . "Bring around somebody. -ith a nind and I'll soon prove that I L."-Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. "Speaking Terms." Mrs. Houser-Have you any ide. hat "speaking terms" means, Mr. ouser? Mr. Houser-Certainly, mad u. Anywhere from fifty to two -hun red dollars per night, according to te prominence of the lecturer.-Buffalo ourier. She Was No Politician. ''Dd you see all those dreadfil. mi rgps the papers make against you?" tid the politician's wife. "1 did," was the reply. "What am going to do about it?" "Why," she answered, almost sob. [ng, "I-I'd make that horrid editor cove every word of them, so I would." "Prove 'em. Great guns! That's ex tly what I'm anxious to keep hiw -ou doing If I cani" A suf-erer. 'Here's a feller," said Plodding Pete, ho had been indulging In literature, mvot says dere's too much labor agit& on in dis country." "Dat's wot dere-is." replied Mean "ring Mike. -"I suffers from it me i. Every time I think of labor it ,Itates zne."-Washington Star. Cross Examining a Witness. A well-known criminal lawyer, who -ides himself upon his-skill in cross :amining a witness, had an odd-look g genius upon whom to operate. The itness was a shoemaker. "You say, sir, that the prisoner is a ef!' "Yes, sir, 'cause why, she confessed "And you also swear she bound shoes r you subsequent--to the confession?" "I do, sir." "Then," giving a sagacious look to the urt, "we are to understand that you aploy dishonest people to work for >u, after their rescalities ar'e known?" "Of course; how else could I get *8s stance from a lawyer?" The counsel said'"Stand aside" in a, ne which showed that if he had- the itness' head in chancery little mercy ght have been expected. The judge arly choked himself in a futile en avor to make the spectators believe at a laugh was nothing but a hic ugh, while the witness stepped down. The Debtor and the Dentist. A curious story reached me of the anner in. which a man to whom a bill as owing dealt with his debtor. A rtain gentleman went to a dentist r a complete set of artificial teeth. He ore them for a considerable time, and nored the repeated requests.for-pay nt, which the dentist made. .At last, add Insult to injury, the gentleman ith the false teeth called on his credi r and loudly protested his annoyance the repeated requests for payment, ith the further renmkrk that the teeth r not fit. "Oh," said the dentist, "will >u kindly take a seat that I may look them?" The visitor did so, and the ntist carefully drew. the teeth out en, with a stroke of the pincers, he ttly snapped the setting Into pieces d flung the teeth into the waste sket. Then ha-ving- apolbogized that y work of his should have cau'sed an ance, he delivered a graceful, bow d sent the toothless one home to the sm of his. famnily.--Birmuinghan lly Post. Known~ IBeforehamd. Ti~llsn say's he does not see why there ufli lbe any objection to women en rin; the legal profession. NIne out of 'rv te n marrir'd m'n know wel we that her word is law.-Buffalo Tor>-Vloor Seance. Jimuiets--Why did you leave The' td! e so suddlenly? Did your num ii.e-k--"Nn.: but my wife did."-' w YOLi World. t a pair of stockinzs etween a womn