CHICAGO CHARITY MAL.
the Journal Punctures the SI.000.000
Relief Fund Nonsense.
There was more foolish talk at the
meeting of the Central ieliEf Asso
ciation last evening about the need
of $1,000,000 to meet the existing
distress of the unemployed in Chi
cago, says the Journal. The alsind
and groundless estimate of the.e a
numbering 100,000 first put aloit by
W. P. Rend was again brought for
ward as a premise for the million
dollar need. Since the World's Fair
with Its lavish expenditure of mill
ions, and its crowds running from
100,000 to 729,000 a day, it seems im
possRle for many of our citizens to
get down out of the millioins and
hundreds of thousands to every-day
tens, hundreds and thousands which
are sufficient for the enumeration ot
those needing assistance in the pres
ent emergency.
The experience of every organizL
tion properly regulated for- the d is
tribution of assistance to the neces
sitous during the past two weeks
has been to prove that all the stories
of want are three-quarters humbug.
At the depots established to furnish
food and lodging it has been found
that out of 2,000 that wanted them
free, there were only 500 ready to
work for them. The different wood
yards throughout the city have at no
time had a surplus of labor for food
and lodging. Employment bureaus
find that work outside of Chicage at
$1.50 a day with transportation pro
vided is no temptation to the unem
ployed who are deluded by talk about
$1,000,000 funds. Private citizens
find it difficult to get ordin.iry chores
about their houses done at 25 cents
an hour. Where the wood-pile test
is applied to beggars they shrug their
shoulders at regular -wages with a
meal thrown in and depart fur
greener pastures.
As for the thousands of tramps
who have been invited here by the
million-dollar madness the city is
preparing to take care of th mu. The
stone ple at the Bridewell will af
ford them the occupation their con
stitutions demand, They will have
theirchoice of working on the streets
for food and lodging from the lelief
Association or on the stone pile for
quarters and rations furnished by the
authorities, or "moving on" to an
other county. Chicago does not want
its charitable measures delayed or
wasted by the intrusion of these
locusts of distress.
The warning of Mr. Harvey against
giving money to people who solicit it
on the street should be heeded by
every one. Every nickel or dime be
6towed in this way is an enconuage
ment to idleness and a tribute to
fraud. As he says, "no honest man
who is hungry will decline to work,
and the association is ready to fur
nish labor for all."
Let "No food for the able-bodied
destitute without work," be the in
variable watchword of relief asso
ciations, and let us have an end of
talk about the 100,000 unemployed
and $1,000,000 funds.
A Disappointing Missive.
'Now look at that letter." said
young Summers to a New York Tri
*bune man, throwing a scented suuare
envelope across the cafe table.
" What would you think to find that
- -. -- in letter box when you came into the
club?"
"Why," said the writer, picking it
up and noticing the delicate hand
writing, "I should think that some
fair young woman was going to invite
me to drink tea with her to-morrow
afternoon."
"Do you know, ,that's just what I
thought when I saw it and t'aat's
why I ain disgusted. The other night
at the horse show I was i atrod uced
to an awfully pretty girl who lives up
the avenue. The next night I met
her again at the Van.Hartman's and
we had Quite a chat,. Nhe promised
to send moe her card. I thought this
was it It's a shame."
"Oh, but she may send it yet; I
wouldn't despair so soon."
"It isn't that. it's the idea of
getting such a letter as that instead
of the one I expected. Don't you
see what it is?"
"Do you want me to read it?"
"You may If you care for such
things- There is nothing private
about things that gain your conti
dence under false pretenses of per
fumed and sealed enveloiis and fem
inine hands. It's getting outrageous
that one should at every turn nave
his heart set beating with visions of
pretty notes, only to find printed
slips telling you of the virtues of the
latest clothes-cleaning estab ish men t
and the low-priced menu of the new
restaurant on the corner. Taat note
informs me that I can have my
trousers pressed regularly once a week
for 25 cents and the wagon will call
to get them. isn't that a romaintic
message to crave respectful attentio..
In polite and insinuating guise?'
DEPrITONS.
Bobby- "Pop, what is a musicale ?"
Fond Parent- "A musicale, my son,
is where a lot of people who know each
other meet together, and talk in a
loud tone of voice about the rest of
the people they know*. -ho are not
present."
Bobby- "And what is a conversa
zione, Pop?"
Fond Parent--"A conversazione is
where the same people sit in sad and
solemn silence, listening to a lot of
mildewed music. "-Puck.
25 3Iotive.
"I am surprised that a man cf your
intelligence and old family could tind
no better name than Andrew Jack
son." "You don't understand my
motive. lie will never succeed in
being a dude witlh such a name as
that."-Indianap'olis Journal.
Willie Was Glad.
William (at his history lesson
I'm glad I wasn't born 100O or :100
years from now. William's Father
Why, William? William-Just. th nk
how much more history those fellows
will have to study. -Puck.
The Minlstone.
One of the Twins (decldediv)-Onle
3f us must accept him. The Other
Why? The One-Why, you know
mamma is under obligations to his
mother for that marmalade recil e. -
THE GOAL WE NEVER REACH
It was noontime in the city, -
And the crowds went whirling past
Where a little grimy bootblack
Rested from his work at last;
Leaning up against the corner,
As he ate his bite of bread,
while the people hurried past him
To a more pretentious spread.
'Ah, if I were but a salesmant
That's the very life for me ;"
Thus the little bootblack muses,
"Nothing else I'd ask to be."
Twenty years, and now the salesmaA
Has forgot his bootblack trade,
In a life of ceaseless changes,
And the vow that once he made,
Now he sees the prosperous merchant
And a longing flads its way '
To his heart, and then he murmurs
As he did that other day
"Ab, if I were but a merchant I
That's the ideal life for me."
And the busy salesman muses,
"Nothing else I'd ask to be."
But when two more decades find him
Busy in the whirl of trade,
Resting but for just one moment
In the quiet noontime shade,
And a rich, retired banker
In his coach goes driving by,
Then that same old fitful longing
Comes again into his eye.
"Ah, If I could but retire
From this busy, fretful strife.-.
;o tne weary merehant muses,
"That is all I'd ask of life."
Then another score of summers
Sees him in a mansion grand,
bhnt his limbs are weak and trembling
And the staff falls from his hand ;
Now another bootblack lingers
In that old familiar place,
And the old man looks with envy
On his young but smutty face.
"Ah, if I could taste the sweetness
O f that bootblack's noonday meal I
Once again to feel the fleetness
That his youthful limbs can feel;
I would barter all the riches
That this life of work has won."
Trus the wealthy man now muses
When that life is nearly done.
-F Iga. 1 Tgock, in New York Nercury.
A VOLTINTEER.
OtU are sober,
General; you
seem preoccu
p i e d, sad,
quiet when
with me. Can
it be from lack
of interest?"
Thus spake
t h e pretty
C o u n t essa
Alvis Zelin
ska, in a soft
tone of reproach, accompanied by the
most gracious of smiles, to a French
officer sitting by her side.
This young offMcer was the brave
alviniac, an Auvergnese Highlander,
who, before his thirtieth year, had
won already upon the battlefield his
paulettes as a General of Cavalry.
They happened to be alone in a vast
salon at one of the old palaces in
Warsaw, the home of the Countess,
who had been left a widow at twenty
wo. A large fire burned in the
eormous fireplace of rose marble,
pon the peliment of wvhich the arms
of Zelinska were finely sculptured.
The month of January, 1807, the
time of this story, was remarkable on
acount of its severity. It is welt
nown that Napoleon, after the battle
f yena and the overthrow of Prussia,
onceived the gigantic idea of a Con
inental blockade and, instead ci
ejoying in peace his triumphs and
is glory, wished to impose by force
n all Europe the .effective
eecution of his projects agains~
England. For that, he resolved
o pursue the remnant of the
Prussian troops to their last intrench
ent, and to go to meet the RBussian)
army, which was still intact, anal
nder the command of General
Benningsen.
"You are still mate, General," con
ined the Countess. "Have I los'
our confidence?"
"Pardon me," replied Calviniac.
"You must excuse me for being dreamy
ma preoccupied. You know the Em
eror has withdrawn from me the
ommand of my brigade for a month,
ecause I expressed too frankly my
pinion of his indifference to the sad
cndition of your unhappy country.
The Emperor has punished me severe
y-and here I am, far from my brave
oldiers. I was quite happy in my
isgrace, since it gave me the pleasure
f being received by you, in the midst
f the moat glorious representatives of
Polish nobility, as an ally, as a friend.
ou, the energetic and enthusiastic
atriot, have kept up my spirits, have
ermitted me the pleasure of see-ing
ou, of confiding in you my cares ad
reams, of admiring you, of lov-"
"Alt! General !"
"Yes, I am going to say of loving1
ou. But am I worthy of expressing
such a .sentiment, when I ought to;
nake a strange confession? You see.
e sad and preoccupied, because there.
s in me a violent combat. I am
appy, intensely happy ; yet at the
same time, in spite of the charm which.
hains me by your side, I would like
o be elsewhere. The inaction to;
hich I am condemned crushes mc. I
curse the severity of my sovereign.
ould like this instant to mount a~
horse, cross Warsaw, and rejoin the
rmy-vwhich means tc leave you,* to'
be from your beautiful eyes, in order
to see, face-to-face, the horrible mus
taches of the Cossacks of Benning,
e."
"You arc always frank, Genera].
owever, I admit this unforseen dec.
laration has surprised me a little.
ter fifteen days of repose, you be
ome dull and disconsolate. You are
hamesick for camps and battles. My!
salon seems to von less attractive than
-)ur tsat in the midst of the snow."
"ermit me to explain. I heard yes~
orday that the movement of concen
rti-on goes on rapidly; that the
tussians are going to be forced to ac
sept battle. My blood boils at the
uws. 'They arc going to fight,' I re
sect. 'My brothers-in-arms arc going
nto danger and honor. I wish to share
their lot.' However, when I think of
you, I am cowardly. I restrain my
eelinga. Thus you sec me here near
you, as usual. But I feel that my
onduct merits reproach. If you es
teem me, you cannot blamc me for
thi indcii whl tortnires me.
You cannot advise me to remain inac
tive, in the midst of luxury and com
fort, in a rich palace, when the dra
goons whom I commanded yesterday,
camping now in the snow, now march
ing in the mud or crossing the Vistula
by the bridge of boats, are going once
aore to brave the dangers of war for
the glory of France and perhaps for
the liberty of Poland !"
The Countess remained standing be
'ore the General, listening eagerly to
his words, and expressing by her pas
sionate looks the admiration which
this martial ardor inspired in her.
"I love you thus !" said she. "No
natter how much I may miss you, I
feel, alas! that you ought to go. I
thank you for having given me a day.
A day is much in these troubled times.
Yes, General, go-go where duty calls
you; resume the command of your
troops, and return victorious."
"Thanks, Countess. You under
stand me, I wish to render myself
worthy of your noble friendship; but
see to what an extreme an implacable
will has reduced me. I have no right
to resume my arms and rank. To go
to the Emperor, to implore his par
don, to seek to reinstate myself in his
favor, would be a bold and useless
step. The Emperor has no time for
audiences, and then, ought I to deny
my sentiment for Poland; to retract
the words which I spoke so freely?
Oh, no! To-day, less than ever.
Therefore, I am forced to seek a way
of resuming the service without being
recognized by my superiors. I have
reflected for sometime, and when you
reproached me for my silence, I was
just making a definite resolution. ]
will present myself to the outposts as
a Poland countryman, desirous oi
fighting for his country."
"Why I General, do you wish to en
list as a simple soldier? You will have
to obey, instead of command, to march
in the first ranks, to struggle hand-to
hand with the enemy! It is to ceitain
death you voluntarily run. Oh! What
have I done? I, who have rather en
couraged you in your resolution. I
who admire you only to lose you! I
was wrong. I was misled by blind
patriotism. Renounce your projects I
It is your duty to execute scrupulously
the orders of the Emperor."
No, Countess, my duty is to be where
the French are exposing their lives
to brave the dangers that they run."
"Even breaking your word?"
"I do not violate my oath since I
anlist as a volunteer."
"You are immovable. Do therefore
is you wish. My best wishes accom
pany you, and I will pray for you.
God grant that your temerity may not
be punished! Think of me sometimes."
She extended her hand; which he
kissed passionately, while she turned
aside her head to conceal the great
tears which glistened like diamonds in
her eyes.
February 8th, 1807, at daybreak,
the French and Russian armies met.
The troops of Benningsen covered the
mountain tops in front of the little
town of Eylau. The Emperor relied
pon this village, the cemetery of
which he occupied with the guard.
he vast plain which separated the
two camps was gloomy and desolate
A white shroud of snow, recently
fallen, entirely covered the hard
ground. The sky was gray and gloomy.
The rays of the sun could not pene
rate the thick, frosty atmosphere.
Upon the left, a little back of Eylau,
was massed the cavaly of Murat. In
the first rank, among the dragoons of
eneral Grouchy, was a simple caval
er, sword in hand, without a distinc-j
ive mark, without a decoration, but
sperb in his martial and determined
bearing. It was Calviniac.
After the scene which we have de
scribed,_ the General lost no time.
aving dressed himself in the clothes
>fa countryman, and crossed the plains
f Lithuania, he presented himself for
mlistment to the first Colonel of dra
oons whom he met. Thanks to his
isguise, he was not recognized, and
e was soon able to put on the green
unic with its yellow cuffs and to take
his place in the midst of his new com
anions, wearing, like them, the white
reeches, the regulation boots, and the
elmet with an ornamental plume ol
black.
The battle was in progress all the
orning. About eleven o'clock, the
snow fell in large flakes, blinding the
eyes of the French, who began to
aver. The Emperor believed that
iis gooa luck had forsaken him. He
saw that a superhuman effort must be
ade. Calling Murat, he said:
"Well! are you going to allow these
.nen to' devour us? March forward
with all your cavalry."
At the order Murat started like aflash,
and drew up his eighty squadrons in line
of battle, placing ahead the dragoons of
rouchy. Calviniac's heart beat fast;
at last he was going to fight as a sim
ple soldier; to devote himself obscure
ly, lost in numbers; to sacrifice his
ife, without hope of recompense, for
the love and glory of his country. His
thoughts trransported him to the salon
f the palace at Warsaw where he had
said adieu to the Countess Zelinska.
It seemed to him that he could still
hear her voice, could see her smile.
'hus encouraged, it was with joy that
ho threw himself against the regiment
f Cossacks who, with their sabres,
were cutting down the army of Au-'
;ereau.
The snowv ceased, and one couhl con
emplate, in all its n1orrour, tdus lA
ense plain covered with the dead,
the dying and the wounded, the blood
making horrible spots on the white
niforms of the French soldiers.
The meeting of the two bodies ol
~avalry was terrible. Calviniac, show
ing an impetuosity and an assurance
which astonished his comrades, struck
ost formidable blows, overthrowing
all obstacles. The Cossacks were
soon dispersed or rendered
it for battle- Then the
Russians, in order to delay the vic
torious cavaliers, hurled again their
bllets and shot into the melee, with
out caring for their own. Crouchy
fell, his horse having been pierced by 1
a ball. Calviniac dashed in, released
is General, who happily was noti
wounded, and gave him his own horse ;
then. bestriding a horse without a mas-1
ter, he rushed again into the fight. At 1
this moment, Murat and his eighty
squadrons, horsemen, dragoons, cuir
assiers, charged at full gallop into the
asan infantry. After a long re
~stance and soveral assaalts, they
yielded, fleeing from all sides terrified3,
bloody, and seeking a refuge in the
neaM.:.,~ .oo4. C.lrinuae in the
nidst of this Trigtifal confusion,
fought with an audacy th.t uothiAG
could stop. Eaoh blow struck, over
threw and killed. His right arm wasi
injured by a ball, but he seized hii
sabre in his left hand and continued
his course until the sound of the clariot
forbade his further action. The worb
of this cavalry, perhaps the most as.
tonishing in the history of the Em
pire, decided the victory.
The next day the Emperor, in order
,o honor in some special manner the
heroic squadrons of Murat, wished tc
survey the front of this admirable
company of horsemen. Grave and
sombre, after avictory so hotly disput.
ed he passed at a slow gallop before the
soldiers, saluting the flag lowered be
fore him. Arriving opposite the
eighth regiment of dragoons, he
slackened his pace and said to Grouch,
who followed him:
"Who is that cavelier in the firs
rank, who holds his sword in the lef
uand? He strangely resembles Calvi
iiac."
"He is a Polish volunteer," respond
ed Grouchy. "He was engagedseveral
days ago, and has fought like a lion.
I saw him at work, and I do not knot
of one more worthy of reward."
The Emperor approached the pre
tended Polander.
"Well, my brave fellow," said he.
"I have the pleasure of congratulating
you upon your courage. One of my
generals, Calviniae, receutly tool
the liberty of criticising my actions.
[ have deposed him. You may
replace him. I shall have then at the
head of my dragoons an officer worthy
of them,whom I consider a compatrio
and a friend."
He resumed his course, followed b)
ais escort of superbly-uniformed gen
erals.
The days which followed this batth
were employed in removing the dead
to the shore of the Vistula near War.
saw. They were transported onsledges
across the vast plains, followed by
(locks of crows. Some, whom the
guard would ~not permit to be moved,
remained in the convent of Eylau,
now - transformed into a hospital.
Among them was General Calviniac,
who was very ill with a fever. He had
abused his strength. After having
fought all day, his arm in a sling, he
was still at his post of honor; but at
ight, when the excitement of the
struggle and the emotion of triumph
were somewhat calmed, his wound,
which had re-opened, caused him vio
lent pain. Fever set in. The surgeonw
thought amputation would be neces.
sary, but knowing that the ball had
not remained in the flesh and that the
bone was not injured, they decided t(
wait a few days.
Happily, a woman watched him. A
young and beautiful Polish girl,wearing
the graceful costume of the peasants oJ
Ukraine, had presented herself to the
posts, saying that she sought hei
brother, a volunteer in the cavalry o1
Murat. The Countess Zelinska, for it
was she, had had a presentiment of the
result of the battle, and, following he2
feminine instincts, she sought among
the wounded for her lover. Alter a
ay of vain search, worn out and anx
ious, almost desperate, she conceived
the idea of seeking shelter in the con
ent of the Benedictines. Seeing thai
it was occupied by the wounded French,
she still had strength enough to searce;
the large halls. Asking explanations,
giving de'tails she unally discovered
the little room where, upon a camp
>ed, was extended, not he brother. as
she said, but he whom she loved more
early than a brother, since she had
witnessed his chivalry and patriotism.
The Countess was not recognized
by Calviniac. Delirium had robbed
im of his reason. This condition
lasted for several days, during which
iis devoted nurse watched over him
onstantly. Finally the fever abated,
nd the surgeons declared that, if he
avoided all imprudence, recovery war
ertain.
One morning Calviniac, while taking
some nourishment, regarded with at
tention the young woman who served
him with so much devotion. He
thought that he recognized her fea
tures, but her dress puzzled him. He
reared that it was a dream or a hallu
~ination. However, hearing her
;peak he trembled, and remembered
he sweet interviews at the fireside in
he palace of Warsaw. He made an
ifort to collect his confused ideas,
nd raising himself upon his conch
alled feebly:
'Alvis !"
The Countess, unable to repress an
.nstinctive movement, turned toward
:he sick man. She approached him;
;heir eyes -met. They regarded each
ther a long time without speaking,
ut their mute language told the story
d joy radiated fron' their faces.
"How came you here?" asked Cal
riniac. "It is you who have cared for
like an angel from heaven! It is
Fou who have saved mel! Let me re
eat to you that word which you
stopped up~on my lips the day of my
leparture. Let me tell you that I love
He extended his thin, pale hand.
hich Alvis took in hers.
"General," responded she, "m)
ondut is a confession that my words
o not try to deny. 'My life belongs
,o you. I am ready to follow you
rherever chance leads you. Your
ame shall be my . name and your
outry my country. "-Translated for
Romance,
Observation cuitivaw~..
A novel method of cultivating the
aculty of observation in children has
een introduced by a teacher an an up
own kindergarten. She tells her pu.
ils that she is about to have
,call from someone who
ii remain only three minutes;
,hat no one must directly stare
Lt him, but that the pupil who
rives the best description of him af..
er his dcparturc will receive a prize.
[c other day her father, a Grand
rny vet ran in uniform, performed
he part of caller, and some of the
)ersonal descriptions after he had
)owe himself out denoted unusually
uick and accurate attention to de
al One hoy had counted all. his
iuttons aznd nave the number cor
ec,y another notced an almost in
isible scar on his face, and various
thers gave details of the color and
ape of his beard, hair and uniform.
rl one who received the prize was a
ttle girl, who declared he had "an
xpresson en his face."-Philadel
hla llcrorri
LOST IN GROVER'S PAJAMA&
tomedian Wilson's Experioece Under
Cleveland's Roof at Gray Gables.
When Joe Jefferson's niece was mar
.-led at Buzzard's Bay a number of the
veteran actor's friends in Boston and
New York were invited to be present,
says the New York Mail and Express.
Among those from Gotham were Mr.
ind Mrs. Francis Wilson. It was their
intention to return to their hotel in
Boston immediately after the wedding,
>ut fcr some reason or other the hour
'ixed for the ceremony was changed,
and when it was all over the guests
!ound there were no more trains and
they were obliged to remain over
night. Mr. Jefferson's neighbors
threw open their houses with true
Yankee hospitality and made every
body welcome. It fell to the lot of M%1r.
Wilson to be entertained at the house
>f Mr. Cleveland at Gray Gables. As
the evening wore along it was noticed
that the young comedian was not in
his usually happy mood. He appeared
more thoughtful than was his habit.
and several times asked if some plan
:ould not be devised whereby he might
return that evening to Boston. Mrs.
Wilson inquired of her husband the
ause for his uneasiness, and he told
tier that, as he expected to return to
Boston the same day, he had come
:"own to Buzzard's Bay without any
further preparation for the night than
% tooth brush. Mrs. Wilson at once
sought one of the servants, and in a
few minutes returned with the assur
ance that everything was all right and
that there was no necessity for further
mixiety.
When bedtime came the actor was
shown to his room, and the servant
handed him a bundle. Mr. Wilson
read a novel until he became sleepy,
nd then prepared to retire.
"I'll be asleep in five minutes," he
said, as he unwrapped the paper and
tolded it, for Mr. Wilson is tidy and
rderly in his habits. Then he picked
up the bundle, which he unrolled and
held up. He held in his hands what he
t frst thought was a bifurcated bal
loon, but which on inspection proved
to be a pair of beautiful pajamas, with
o puckering string fie yards long.
"This is certainly very kind," re
marked Mr. Wilson, and into the
pajamas he jumped. Then he sat
down on the side of the bed and looked
it himself. He got up and looked at
bis reflection in the mirror and took In
a reef. He looked again and took In
Nnother reef.
"Good gracious!" said Mr. Wilson,
"I'm carrying too much sail," and he
reefed again. Then he hopped into
bed. In the morning he was late for
breakfast, because during the night I
*he reefs were shaken out, and It took
him thirty minutes to find where .he
was.
3WNS THE NORTHMOST MINE,
located in Uncle Sam's Possession
Under the Midnight sun. -
There was a man in Seattle recently
who owns a mine located probably
urther north than any mine in the
world. He is .J. C. Green, and his mine
s called the Omalik mine. It is situa
ed on the Fish River on the extreme
orthwestern part of Alaska, near Go
ovnin Bay, which is about sixty miles
orth of St. Michael's. To get a bet
ter idea of how far north Mr. Green
has gone iin search Or his treasuro the
ocation of his mine Is in latitude 65
egrees north, longitude 184 west, over
1,000 miles northwest of Sitka.
Mr. Green got possession of his mine
In 1881, and has since spent about
100,000 in developing it The mine is
s unique as its location, being "solid1
netal." The ore is galena, 75 per cent.
f lead, carrying 143 ounces of silver
o the ton and very little gold.
Mr. Green generally spends his win.
ers in California, chartering a ship
every spring to carry his supply of
itores and the miners he takes with
him to his8 northern Eldorado. He pays
his men $75 a month and board, but
they do not receive their pay until af
ter the year's work is done and the car
o of ore they have taken from the mine
has been brought down to San Fran
Disco and sold. They are then paid off
and receive from $900 to $1,200 apiece,
which comes to them in a lump, for on
lolovnin Bay there are no stores, no
saloons and no opportunity for them to
'pend money if they wished.
The natives, the Esquimaux, are a C
peaceable, intelligent people, and are
ery quick to learn the ways and cus
toms of the Americans. Mr. Green em
ploys them to work about the mines,
nd finds them to be active and will
tng workers.
The climate is not so severe as one
A'ould suppose it would be in such a
northern latitude, the summer being 3
warm and pleasant and the winters not
o cold as in some latitudes farther.
south. It is the land of the midnight
nn, and the wonders of the aurora
borealis are seen in all their splendor.
There are no white people there except
the miners that are taken up each year,'
ut Mr. Green says that one doesn't I
ae a chance to get lonesome, as 1
here Are fish in the streams to cntch. 3
irds in the air to shoot and four-footed i
'nimals of the earth to kill.
Mr. Green is a great enthusiast over i
he resources and coming destiny of
the great northern empire of Alaska,t
and says that few people have an idea 1
f is marvelous wealth and the extent f
f its resources. t
Grover is a Deer, But a Hog.
Grover is one of the attractiou~s at
the East Side park in Paterson, N. J.
But Grover has been behaving very
badly lately and does not seem to be
susceptible to reform. Supt. McGraw ~
has had to call the attention of the
ark commissioners to Grover's case.
He recommended that Grover should
be killed. The commission, instead of
killing him, will make an effort to have
im laced in the menagerie at Central
Park. The buck is one of three deer
presented to the city a few years ago
by Joseph Jefferson. It was named
after the President. Grover has grown
very fat, while hIs companions are
wasting away. This is accounted for
by the fact that he takes charge: of
the trough every meal hour and fills
himself up, while his companions stand 1
at a respectable distance and watch
him in fear. The crumbs that Grover 1
leaves are barely sufficient to sustain
lif in the other inhabitants of the pen.
TERRORIZED BYAWOMAN..&_
5he Ia Red-Headed, Well-Armed an4
Is Peddling Dr. Talmage's Book.
The western part of Logan Counthl
Ken tucky, has been greatly excited foi
:he last three weeks over what ap.
)eared to be a woman tramp, who bat
)een going from house to house. She
.s of medium size, with reddish hair,
wears a veil constantly at the table,
md claims to be an agent for one of
[)r. Talmage's books. When asked to
ee the book she tells the people that
!verybody ought to know what it is,
mud refuses to show it. She has not
:aken a single subscription, but at ev.
ry house she visits she shows a long
Ist of prominent people whom she hat
,risited.
She has called at nearly every bousL
n the western part of the county, and
iever has offered to pay a cent to any
me for her meals and lodging. At
very place she displays four large re
-olvers. She says she carries them
o protect herself. No one would eare
o molest her, especially atter seeing
he wicked engines of death that she
:arries. She has little trouble in get.
ng from one house to another. When
he distance is too far to walk she askR
he farmer at whose house she happens
:o be to hitch up his buggy and take
xer over. Of course, he thinks she is
-ather "cheeky," but the picture of
hose four big revolvers comes up be
ere his mind's eye, and he hitches up
he buggy without protest.
She wil not sleep in a room with an.
>ne, says the Louisville Courier-Jour
ial. and has wanted to rent from any
iumber of farmers a couple of rooms
or a short period. The rooms have al
rays been refused her. The woman
s never seen without a veil, which Is
weavy and almost completely hides her
bce. Some think her a man masquer
Lding in female attire. She has a
arge face, rather coarse voice, and
ears, as most of those think who
kave seen her, a reddish wig. She has
ven different names, and claims a
iumber of places as her home.
Some believe her an escaped lunat6
vhile others firmly believe that she is
he advance agent of an organized
>and of robbers. Be she man, woman,
r devil, her appearance has terrorized
very family she has visited in the
ounty. She is now in the Allensville
eighborhood, in Todd County, and the
eople in Logan County are breathing
aasier.
A WISE WOMAN.
e Knew Jim and Had Known Jlm'r
Daddy Before Him.
I had been living in the neighboik
Lood of the mountains one summer,
intil I had become so well acquainted
ith the people of that Immediate see
ion as to be taken into their councils
.nd looked to for advice on all sorts
f questions, even in domestic matters.
The one most Important involved the
ate of two lovers. Jim Sallers was
ourting Marthy Little, and everybody
hought it was just the right thing ex
ept Marthy's mother, and she had
ipposed It from the beginning. The
irl's father was perfectly satisfied
and did what he- could to win his
rife over, but she was obdurate and
ould listen to no persuasion. I had
alked to her once or twice, but it
id no good and I gave It up. Jun and
had been on terms, all along, and!1
.dvised him to ran off with Mfarthy
.nd trust to luck for the balance. He
var a thrifty young fellow, sober and
ndustrious, and could get along very
yell without the maternal blessing,
eeng that everybody else waspleased,
mt he did not care to do so If there
vas any chance'of winning the moth
*r. At last, he agreed thait if Mrs.
.ttle didn't come around within a
reek he would pick Marthy up and
un away with her, I agreeing to lend
tim what extra money lie might need,
.s he had a good creek farm and would*
tave plenty when his crops came in.
Vith this assurance from Jim, I went
>ack to Mrs. Little.
"I kno wv what you've come fer, Col
nel, anid it an't no use talkin'," she
aid as soon as I got into the house.
"My dear madam," I replied, "I must
ulk to you. I've seen Jim, and as sure
s you are alive he will run off with
arthy and marry her, whether you
rant him to or not, and It would be so
iuch better if you would give your
onsent and have it all done regular
.nd as it should be."
"Well, I tell you I won't give my con
et, and that ends It," she said hotly.
I don't keer what anybody and every
lody says, I ain't a goin' to say he kin
arry her."
"But that is childish," said I. "Yo1
ron't give your consent just because.
-ou don't want to and for ng other
eason."
"I've got my reasons," she answered
loggedly.
"Well, tell me what they are."
She got up and went to the door ano
round the house and then back again.
I wuz lookin' to see if ther wuz any
ody about," she said as she resumed
r place, "and ez they ain't, I'll tell
ou my reasons ef you'll promise yov
ron't tell."
I gave the promise readily, and she
vent o after a bit:
"I've knowed JTim sence he wua A.
aby and I knowed his daddy afore,
.im," she said, "and -they won't do to
ool with. Jim's all right and I'd like
o see Marthy married to him, but
i~s that pesky, that ef he kuowed me,
d Marthy's pap and Marthy wanted
.im to marry her, he'd be crawfishin'
t no time and thar wouldn't be no
reddin'. But ez long ez he thinks
omebody is ag'in him, he's goin' tc
ake t'other track and pull his way.
Iow you know my reasons and I ain't
-gin' to move a peg outen the ro~ad*
er nobody till I've got Jim landed safe
rih Marthy down Char on that farm
.v his'n. Let him run off with her e11
.e wantter, and when they come back
itched fer good, I'll have an infair
ight here in my house that will be the!
iggest one you ever hearn tell uv in
liese parts, Colonel, and et you ever
ell on me it won't be good fer you
Tow mind."
I minded, and now Jim and Marthy
tave been married sonme time, and Jim
s so well satisfied that even if I have
metrayed the confidence of his respect
d mther-in-aw it won't make any
r..at anffrenc..-Free Press.
tt Held Within It a S sepsshe
for one Kau.
"Trainmen running on be varloni.
pads that cross the border lne between
the United States and Canada," aid a
man connected with an Importnat ral
road, "tell a good many funny tales
about smuggling, and some that are not
m'uny at all.
"A favorite way to smuggle valuabbl
articles across the line, In either diree
tion, used to be to pack them In a coffin
tud then pay regular passenger fae
for a supposed corpse. It was thought
that a coffin would excite less suspicion
thin any other kind of box, and that
customs officers would never think of
isturbing the dead In order to search
for dutiable trinkets. The plan worked
well for a long time, but one or two
Vagrant cases of fraud were discovered.
Lnd finally the offcers became more sus
piclous of coffins than anything else.
hat was the natural reaction from
their former overconfidence.
"Well, one day a coffin was put oA
hoard a CentralVermont baggage carat
[louse's Point, addressed to Toronto.
[n charge of it was a young man, whose
I swollen eyes bespoke much weeping,
ftud whose mourning garb seemed to
indicate clearly enough that he was a
near relative of the man or woman
Vhose body was In the casket
He took his seat beside the coffin ana
wivthout moving continued to gaze at it.
Ruch grief seemed to the railroad peo
ple unnatural, and they became per
suaded ihat the coffin was full of smug
Kled goods. They, therefore, determined
lo examine It.
"When the train reached a little sti
ton at which a stop was made for
theals, the conductor, after great effort,
Induced the young man to leave the car
long enough to get a cup of coffee, as
suring him solemnly that the coffin
wculd be carefully watched and left.
indisturbed.
"No sooner had he entered the res
raurant than the conductor and bag
Tageman made a rush for the con.
"'Wonder what we've got here, Bill,'
said one of them; 'silk or lace most like
y. Lord! how well that smuggler acts
I ls part. A man'd swear he'd just
Ven left an orphan.'
"'Too heavy for lace,' was the reply.
Must be silk or tobacco. He's a smooth
)ne, Is that young man. Knows his
%usiness, he does.'
"There were other jokes than these
worse ones, but in the meantime they
ad been prying up the coffin ld.
With a rasping jerk the nails left the
ower woodwork and under the flick
tring yellow light of a lantern, both
nen peered into the box. They saw
"But Bill had fallen backward.
"'Jo,' he said, 'that's my mothel.
I haven't seen her for years. May God
elp me.'
L Lesson In Fractions.
"Now, boys," said the teacher, "I have
? few Questions in fractions. Suppose
!had a piece of beefsteak and cut It In
o two pieces; what would those two
>ieces be called?"
"Halves!" shouted the cass.
"Correct. AndliflIcut each halftinto
wo pIeces?'
"Quarters!"
"That's right And If the quartr
were each cut in half?"
"Eighths!"
"Quite so. And If those were eacha
'hopped In two?"
"Sixteenths!"
"Very good. And when the sixteenths~
were cut, what would those pieces be
alled?"
Here there was some hesitation, bu - T~
nj a moment two boys said: -
"Thirty-seconds!"
"Just right, just right," said the -
eacher. "And now we will chop those
n half. What have we now?" Silence
lowed this question, while the boys
hifted uneasily and the teacher held
s breath. "Do none of you know?"
nqured the young man. "Come-I'm
ure that someone can tell me."
There was a moment's pause, and
t boy in the class piped out:
"Please, sir, I think I know."
"Well, Johnne, what?"
"Mince," said the youngster; and
here was a burst of laughter.
WHERE DIALECT RUNS WILD.
pecimen of the Argot in Use Among
Australian Sheep Shearers.
If the specimen of Australian dia
ect which Gilbert Parker gives in the
der is a fair sample of what we may
xpect when dialect writers begin to
ork up that country, we have not yet
seen the worst Here Is a little story
which reads like-a missing word puzzle
r a cipher telegram: "Tell ye 'ow It
was. I toddles off to the shed, pulls
own me tongs, 'auls out a bloomin
~apllon, and was gon' down the whip
Pn' side, both blades 'eavily loaded,
w'en the boss drops and shot me dead.
takes a 'op skip an' a jump back to
he 'ut, put two folds in the ol' shiral
:ee, slings the 'og 'ide on the tall croe
dle, goes up the river like a frog, sits
lown along sleepy Jim's muster and
strips a hundred and forty by 4 o'clock
aext." And here is the Interpretation
which Mr. Parker is kind enough to
'urish us:
"This Is how It happened: I walkeo
,ff to the shearing shed, took down my
shears, hauled out a sheep, and I was
Jipping down the right-hand side with
11 my might, when the manager came
d discharged me. I went back to thue
1ut, folded up my blanket, put the sad
lie on my horse, galloped up the river,
stopped at Sleepy Jim's sheep pen and -
shore a hundred and forty by 4 o'clock
iext day."
-Through the use of anti-toxine iL
rriete, the death rate in cases of
iiphthersa has fallen from fifty to
3ighteen per cent. in Bakowina. from
xty three to sixteen per cent.
-As a result of the exaination oi
i400 eyes, Dr. Miles of Bridgeport,
on., found that sixty-five per cent,
required glasses. The women aui
irs far exc ed the n.en and boys.
-Sirus, the dog star, the brigzhtest
star in the heavens, mores through
space at a velocity of thirty three mia
second. Its di-tance from the earth
xceeds about a million times the dis
mee of the sun.
-No parental care ever falls to th
!"t of a single member of the iusect
trbe. in general, the eggs of an i..
sect are destined te be hatched long
afte theazants are dead.