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CHICAGO CHARITY MAL. the Journal Punctures the SI.000.000 Relief Fund Nonsense. There was more foolish talk at the meeting of the Central ieliEf Asso ciation last evening about the need of $1,000,000 to meet the existing distress of the unemployed in Chi cago, says the Journal. The alsind and groundless estimate of the.e a numbering 100,000 first put aloit by W. P. Rend was again brought for ward as a premise for the million dollar need. Since the World's Fair with Its lavish expenditure of mill ions, and its crowds running from 100,000 to 729,000 a day, it seems im possRle for many of our citizens to get down out of the millioins and hundreds of thousands to every-day tens, hundreds and thousands which are sufficient for the enumeration ot those needing assistance in the pres ent emergency. The experience of every organizL tion properly regulated for- the d is tribution of assistance to the neces sitous during the past two weeks has been to prove that all the stories of want are three-quarters humbug. At the depots established to furnish food and lodging it has been found that out of 2,000 that wanted them free, there were only 500 ready to work for them. The different wood yards throughout the city have at no time had a surplus of labor for food and lodging. Employment bureaus find that work outside of Chicage at $1.50 a day with transportation pro vided is no temptation to the unem ployed who are deluded by talk about $1,000,000 funds. Private citizens find it difficult to get ordin.iry chores about their houses done at 25 cents an hour. Where the wood-pile test is applied to beggars they shrug their shoulders at regular -wages with a meal thrown in and depart fur greener pastures. As for the thousands of tramps who have been invited here by the million-dollar madness the city is preparing to take care of th mu. The stone ple at the Bridewell will af ford them the occupation their con stitutions demand, They will have theirchoice of working on the streets for food and lodging from the lelief Association or on the stone pile for quarters and rations furnished by the authorities, or "moving on" to an other county. Chicago does not want its charitable measures delayed or wasted by the intrusion of these locusts of distress. The warning of Mr. Harvey against giving money to people who solicit it on the street should be heeded by every one. Every nickel or dime be 6towed in this way is an enconuage ment to idleness and a tribute to fraud. As he says, "no honest man who is hungry will decline to work, and the association is ready to fur nish labor for all." Let "No food for the able-bodied destitute without work," be the in variable watchword of relief asso ciations, and let us have an end of talk about the 100,000 unemployed and $1,000,000 funds. A Disappointing Missive. 'Now look at that letter." said young Summers to a New York Tri *bune man, throwing a scented suuare envelope across the cafe table. " What would you think to find that - -. -- in letter box when you came into the club?" "Why," said the writer, picking it up and noticing the delicate hand writing, "I should think that some fair young woman was going to invite me to drink tea with her to-morrow afternoon." "Do you know, ,that's just what I thought when I saw it and t'aat's why I ain disgusted. The other night at the horse show I was i atrod uced to an awfully pretty girl who lives up the avenue. The next night I met her again at the Van.Hartman's and we had Quite a chat,. Nhe promised to send moe her card. I thought this was it It's a shame." "Oh, but she may send it yet; I wouldn't despair so soon." "It isn't that. it's the idea of getting such a letter as that instead of the one I expected. Don't you see what it is?" "Do you want me to read it?" "You may If you care for such things- There is nothing private about things that gain your conti dence under false pretenses of per fumed and sealed enveloiis and fem inine hands. It's getting outrageous that one should at every turn nave his heart set beating with visions of pretty notes, only to find printed slips telling you of the virtues of the latest clothes-cleaning estab ish men t and the low-priced menu of the new restaurant on the corner. Taat note informs me that I can have my trousers pressed regularly once a week for 25 cents and the wagon will call to get them. isn't that a romaintic message to crave respectful attentio.. In polite and insinuating guise?' DEPrITONS. Bobby- "Pop, what is a musicale ?" Fond Parent- "A musicale, my son, is where a lot of people who know each other meet together, and talk in a loud tone of voice about the rest of the people they know*. -ho are not present." Bobby- "And what is a conversa zione, Pop?" Fond Parent--"A conversazione is where the same people sit in sad and solemn silence, listening to a lot of mildewed music. "-Puck. 25 3Iotive. "I am surprised that a man cf your intelligence and old family could tind no better name than Andrew Jack son." "You don't understand my motive. lie will never succeed in being a dude witlh such a name as that."-Indianap'olis Journal. Willie Was Glad. William (at his history lesson I'm glad I wasn't born 100O or :100 years from now. William's Father Why, William? William-Just. th nk how much more history those fellows will have to study. -Puck. The Minlstone. One of the Twins (decldediv)-Onle 3f us must accept him. The Other Why? The One-Why, you know mamma is under obligations to his mother for that marmalade recil e. - THE GOAL WE NEVER REACH It was noontime in the city, - And the crowds went whirling past Where a little grimy bootblack Rested from his work at last; Leaning up against the corner, As he ate his bite of bread, while the people hurried past him To a more pretentious spread. 'Ah, if I were but a salesmant That's the very life for me ;" Thus the little bootblack muses, "Nothing else I'd ask to be." Twenty years, and now the salesmaA Has forgot his bootblack trade, In a life of ceaseless changes, And the vow that once he made, Now he sees the prosperous merchant And a longing flads its way ' To his heart, and then he murmurs As he did that other day "Ab, if I were but a merchant I That's the ideal life for me." And the busy salesman muses, "Nothing else I'd ask to be." But when two more decades find him Busy in the whirl of trade, Resting but for just one moment In the quiet noontime shade, And a rich, retired banker In his coach goes driving by, Then that same old fitful longing Comes again into his eye. "Ah, If I could but retire From this busy, fretful strife.-. ;o tne weary merehant muses, "That is all I'd ask of life." Then another score of summers Sees him in a mansion grand, bhnt his limbs are weak and trembling And the staff falls from his hand ; Now another bootblack lingers In that old familiar place, And the old man looks with envy On his young but smutty face. "Ah, if I could taste the sweetness O f that bootblack's noonday meal I Once again to feel the fleetness That his youthful limbs can feel; I would barter all the riches That this life of work has won." Trus the wealthy man now muses When that life is nearly done. -F Iga. 1 Tgock, in New York Nercury. A VOLTINTEER. OtU are sober, General; you seem preoccu p i e d, sad, quiet when with me. Can it be from lack of interest?" Thus spake t h e pretty C o u n t essa Alvis Zelin ska, in a soft tone of reproach, accompanied by the most gracious of smiles, to a French officer sitting by her side. This young offMcer was the brave alviniac, an Auvergnese Highlander, who, before his thirtieth year, had won already upon the battlefield his paulettes as a General of Cavalry. They happened to be alone in a vast salon at one of the old palaces in Warsaw, the home of the Countess, who had been left a widow at twenty wo. A large fire burned in the eormous fireplace of rose marble, pon the peliment of wvhich the arms of Zelinska were finely sculptured. The month of January, 1807, the time of this story, was remarkable on acount of its severity. It is welt nown that Napoleon, after the battle f yena and the overthrow of Prussia, onceived the gigantic idea of a Con inental blockade and, instead ci ejoying in peace his triumphs and is glory, wished to impose by force n all Europe the .effective eecution of his projects agains~ England. For that, he resolved o pursue the remnant of the Prussian troops to their last intrench ent, and to go to meet the RBussian) army, which was still intact, anal nder the command of General Benningsen. "You are still mate, General," con ined the Countess. "Have I los' our confidence?" "Pardon me," replied Calviniac. "You must excuse me for being dreamy ma preoccupied. You know the Em eror has withdrawn from me the ommand of my brigade for a month, ecause I expressed too frankly my pinion of his indifference to the sad cndition of your unhappy country. The Emperor has punished me severe y-and here I am, far from my brave oldiers. I was quite happy in my isgrace, since it gave me the pleasure f being received by you, in the midst f the moat glorious representatives of Polish nobility, as an ally, as a friend. ou, the energetic and enthusiastic atriot, have kept up my spirits, have ermitted me the pleasure of see-ing ou, of confiding in you my cares ad reams, of admiring you, of lov-" "Alt! General !" "Yes, I am going to say of loving1 ou. But am I worthy of expressing such a .sentiment, when I ought to; nake a strange confession? You see. e sad and preoccupied, because there. s in me a violent combat. I am appy, intensely happy ; yet at the same time, in spite of the charm which. hains me by your side, I would like o be elsewhere. The inaction to; hich I am condemned crushes mc. I curse the severity of my sovereign. ould like this instant to mount a~ horse, cross Warsaw, and rejoin the rmy-vwhich means tc leave you,* to' be from your beautiful eyes, in order to see, face-to-face, the horrible mus taches of the Cossacks of Benning, e." "You arc always frank, Genera]. owever, I admit this unforseen dec. laration has surprised me a little. ter fifteen days of repose, you be ome dull and disconsolate. You are hamesick for camps and battles. My! salon seems to von less attractive than -)ur tsat in the midst of the snow." "ermit me to explain. I heard yes~ orday that the movement of concen rti-on goes on rapidly; that the tussians are going to be forced to ac sept battle. My blood boils at the uws. 'They arc going to fight,' I re sect. 'My brothers-in-arms arc going nto danger and honor. I wish to share their lot.' However, when I think of you, I am cowardly. I restrain my eelinga. Thus you sec me here near you, as usual. But I feel that my onduct merits reproach. If you es teem me, you cannot blamc me for thi indcii whl tortnires me. You cannot advise me to remain inac tive, in the midst of luxury and com fort, in a rich palace, when the dra goons whom I commanded yesterday, camping now in the snow, now march ing in the mud or crossing the Vistula by the bridge of boats, are going once aore to brave the dangers of war for the glory of France and perhaps for the liberty of Poland !" The Countess remained standing be 'ore the General, listening eagerly to his words, and expressing by her pas sionate looks the admiration which this martial ardor inspired in her. "I love you thus !" said she. "No natter how much I may miss you, I feel, alas! that you ought to go. I thank you for having given me a day. A day is much in these troubled times. Yes, General, go-go where duty calls you; resume the command of your troops, and return victorious." "Thanks, Countess. You under stand me, I wish to render myself worthy of your noble friendship; but see to what an extreme an implacable will has reduced me. I have no right to resume my arms and rank. To go to the Emperor, to implore his par don, to seek to reinstate myself in his favor, would be a bold and useless step. The Emperor has no time for audiences, and then, ought I to deny my sentiment for Poland; to retract the words which I spoke so freely? Oh, no! To-day, less than ever. Therefore, I am forced to seek a way of resuming the service without being recognized by my superiors. I have reflected for sometime, and when you reproached me for my silence, I was just making a definite resolution. ] will present myself to the outposts as a Poland countryman, desirous oi fighting for his country." "Why I General, do you wish to en list as a simple soldier? You will have to obey, instead of command, to march in the first ranks, to struggle hand-to hand with the enemy! It is to ceitain death you voluntarily run. Oh! What have I done? I, who have rather en couraged you in your resolution. I who admire you only to lose you! I was wrong. I was misled by blind patriotism. Renounce your projects I It is your duty to execute scrupulously the orders of the Emperor." No, Countess, my duty is to be where the French are exposing their lives to brave the dangers that they run." "Even breaking your word?" "I do not violate my oath since I anlist as a volunteer." "You are immovable. Do therefore is you wish. My best wishes accom pany you, and I will pray for you. God grant that your temerity may not be punished! Think of me sometimes." She extended her hand; which he kissed passionately, while she turned aside her head to conceal the great tears which glistened like diamonds in her eyes. February 8th, 1807, at daybreak, the French and Russian armies met. The troops of Benningsen covered the mountain tops in front of the little town of Eylau. The Emperor relied pon this village, the cemetery of which he occupied with the guard. he vast plain which separated the two camps was gloomy and desolate A white shroud of snow, recently fallen, entirely covered the hard ground. The sky was gray and gloomy. The rays of the sun could not pene rate the thick, frosty atmosphere. Upon the left, a little back of Eylau, was massed the cavaly of Murat. In the first rank, among the dragoons of eneral Grouchy, was a simple caval er, sword in hand, without a distinc-j ive mark, without a decoration, but sperb in his martial and determined bearing. It was Calviniac. After the scene which we have de scribed,_ the General lost no time. aving dressed himself in the clothes >fa countryman, and crossed the plains f Lithuania, he presented himself for mlistment to the first Colonel of dra oons whom he met. Thanks to his isguise, he was not recognized, and e was soon able to put on the green unic with its yellow cuffs and to take his place in the midst of his new com anions, wearing, like them, the white reeches, the regulation boots, and the elmet with an ornamental plume ol black. The battle was in progress all the orning. About eleven o'clock, the snow fell in large flakes, blinding the eyes of the French, who began to aver. The Emperor believed that iis gooa luck had forsaken him. He saw that a superhuman effort must be ade. Calling Murat, he said: "Well! are you going to allow these .nen to' devour us? March forward with all your cavalry." At the order Murat started like aflash, and drew up his eighty squadrons in line of battle, placing ahead the dragoons of rouchy. Calviniac's heart beat fast; at last he was going to fight as a sim ple soldier; to devote himself obscure ly, lost in numbers; to sacrifice his ife, without hope of recompense, for the love and glory of his country. His thoughts trransported him to the salon f the palace at Warsaw where he had said adieu to the Countess Zelinska. It seemed to him that he could still hear her voice, could see her smile. 'hus encouraged, it was with joy that ho threw himself against the regiment f Cossacks who, with their sabres, were cutting down the army of Au-' ;ereau. The snowv ceased, and one couhl con emplate, in all its n1orrour, tdus lA ense plain covered with the dead, the dying and the wounded, the blood making horrible spots on the white niforms of the French soldiers. The meeting of the two bodies ol ~avalry was terrible. Calviniac, show ing an impetuosity and an assurance which astonished his comrades, struck ost formidable blows, overthrowing all obstacles. The Cossacks were soon dispersed or rendered it for battle- Then the Russians, in order to delay the vic torious cavaliers, hurled again their bllets and shot into the melee, with out caring for their own. Crouchy fell, his horse having been pierced by 1 a ball. Calviniac dashed in, released is General, who happily was noti wounded, and gave him his own horse ; then. bestriding a horse without a mas-1 ter, he rushed again into the fight. At 1 this moment, Murat and his eighty squadrons, horsemen, dragoons, cuir assiers, charged at full gallop into the asan infantry. After a long re ~stance and soveral assaalts, they yielded, fleeing from all sides terrified3, bloody, and seeking a refuge in the neaM.:.,~ .oo4. C.lrinuae in the nidst of this Trigtifal confusion, fought with an audacy th.t uothiAG could stop. Eaoh blow struck, over threw and killed. His right arm wasi injured by a ball, but he seized hii sabre in his left hand and continued his course until the sound of the clariot forbade his further action. The worb of this cavalry, perhaps the most as. tonishing in the history of the Em pire, decided the victory. The next day the Emperor, in order ,o honor in some special manner the heroic squadrons of Murat, wished tc survey the front of this admirable company of horsemen. Grave and sombre, after avictory so hotly disput. ed he passed at a slow gallop before the soldiers, saluting the flag lowered be fore him. Arriving opposite the eighth regiment of dragoons, he slackened his pace and said to Grouch, who followed him: "Who is that cavelier in the firs rank, who holds his sword in the lef uand? He strangely resembles Calvi iiac." "He is a Polish volunteer," respond ed Grouchy. "He was engagedseveral days ago, and has fought like a lion. I saw him at work, and I do not knot of one more worthy of reward." The Emperor approached the pre tended Polander. "Well, my brave fellow," said he. "I have the pleasure of congratulating you upon your courage. One of my generals, Calviniae, receutly tool the liberty of criticising my actions. [ have deposed him. You may replace him. I shall have then at the head of my dragoons an officer worthy of them,whom I consider a compatrio and a friend." He resumed his course, followed b) ais escort of superbly-uniformed gen erals. The days which followed this batth were employed in removing the dead to the shore of the Vistula near War. saw. They were transported onsledges across the vast plains, followed by (locks of crows. Some, whom the guard would ~not permit to be moved, remained in the convent of Eylau, now - transformed into a hospital. Among them was General Calviniac, who was very ill with a fever. He had abused his strength. After having fought all day, his arm in a sling, he was still at his post of honor; but at ight, when the excitement of the struggle and the emotion of triumph were somewhat calmed, his wound, which had re-opened, caused him vio lent pain. Fever set in. The surgeonw thought amputation would be neces. sary, but knowing that the ball had not remained in the flesh and that the bone was not injured, they decided t( wait a few days. Happily, a woman watched him. A young and beautiful Polish girl,wearing the graceful costume of the peasants oJ Ukraine, had presented herself to the posts, saying that she sought hei brother, a volunteer in the cavalry o1 Murat. The Countess Zelinska, for it was she, had had a presentiment of the result of the battle, and, following he2 feminine instincts, she sought among the wounded for her lover. Alter a ay of vain search, worn out and anx ious, almost desperate, she conceived the idea of seeking shelter in the con ent of the Benedictines. Seeing thai it was occupied by the wounded French, she still had strength enough to searce; the large halls. Asking explanations, giving de'tails she unally discovered the little room where, upon a camp >ed, was extended, not he brother. as she said, but he whom she loved more early than a brother, since she had witnessed his chivalry and patriotism. The Countess was not recognized by Calviniac. Delirium had robbed im of his reason. This condition lasted for several days, during which iis devoted nurse watched over him onstantly. Finally the fever abated, nd the surgeons declared that, if he avoided all imprudence, recovery war ertain. One morning Calviniac, while taking some nourishment, regarded with at tention the young woman who served him with so much devotion. He thought that he recognized her fea tures, but her dress puzzled him. He reared that it was a dream or a hallu ~ination. However, hearing her ;peak he trembled, and remembered he sweet interviews at the fireside in he palace of Warsaw. He made an ifort to collect his confused ideas, nd raising himself upon his conch alled feebly: 'Alvis !" The Countess, unable to repress an .nstinctive movement, turned toward :he sick man. She approached him; ;heir eyes -met. They regarded each ther a long time without speaking, ut their mute language told the story d joy radiated fron' their faces. "How came you here?" asked Cal riniac. "It is you who have cared for like an angel from heaven! It is Fou who have saved mel! Let me re eat to you that word which you stopped up~on my lips the day of my leparture. Let me tell you that I love He extended his thin, pale hand. hich Alvis took in hers. "General," responded she, "m) ondut is a confession that my words o not try to deny. 'My life belongs ,o you. I am ready to follow you rherever chance leads you. Your ame shall be my . name and your outry my country. "-Translated for Romance, Observation cuitivaw~.. A novel method of cultivating the aculty of observation in children has een introduced by a teacher an an up own kindergarten. She tells her pu. ils that she is about to have ,call from someone who ii remain only three minutes; ,hat no one must directly stare Lt him, but that the pupil who rives the best description of him af.. er his dcparturc will receive a prize. [c other day her father, a Grand rny vet ran in uniform, performed he part of caller, and some of the )ersonal descriptions after he had )owe himself out denoted unusually uick and accurate attention to de al One hoy had counted all. his iuttons aznd nave the number cor ec,y another notced an almost in isible scar on his face, and various thers gave details of the color and ape of his beard, hair and uniform. rl one who received the prize was a ttle girl, who declared he had "an xpresson en his face."-Philadel hla llcrorri LOST IN GROVER'S PAJAMA& tomedian Wilson's Experioece Under Cleveland's Roof at Gray Gables. When Joe Jefferson's niece was mar .-led at Buzzard's Bay a number of the veteran actor's friends in Boston and New York were invited to be present, says the New York Mail and Express. Among those from Gotham were Mr. ind Mrs. Francis Wilson. It was their intention to return to their hotel in Boston immediately after the wedding, >ut fcr some reason or other the hour 'ixed for the ceremony was changed, and when it was all over the guests !ound there were no more trains and they were obliged to remain over night. Mr. Jefferson's neighbors threw open their houses with true Yankee hospitality and made every body welcome. It fell to the lot of M%1r. Wilson to be entertained at the house >f Mr. Cleveland at Gray Gables. As the evening wore along it was noticed that the young comedian was not in his usually happy mood. He appeared more thoughtful than was his habit. and several times asked if some plan :ould not be devised whereby he might return that evening to Boston. Mrs. Wilson inquired of her husband the ause for his uneasiness, and he told tier that, as he expected to return to Boston the same day, he had come :"own to Buzzard's Bay without any further preparation for the night than % tooth brush. Mrs. Wilson at once sought one of the servants, and in a few minutes returned with the assur ance that everything was all right and that there was no necessity for further mixiety. When bedtime came the actor was shown to his room, and the servant handed him a bundle. Mr. Wilson read a novel until he became sleepy, nd then prepared to retire. "I'll be asleep in five minutes," he said, as he unwrapped the paper and tolded it, for Mr. Wilson is tidy and rderly in his habits. Then he picked up the bundle, which he unrolled and held up. He held in his hands what he t frst thought was a bifurcated bal loon, but which on inspection proved to be a pair of beautiful pajamas, with o puckering string fie yards long. "This is certainly very kind," re marked Mr. Wilson, and into the pajamas he jumped. Then he sat down on the side of the bed and looked it himself. He got up and looked at bis reflection in the mirror and took In a reef. He looked again and took In Nnother reef. "Good gracious!" said Mr. Wilson, "I'm carrying too much sail," and he reefed again. Then he hopped into bed. In the morning he was late for breakfast, because during the night I *he reefs were shaken out, and It took him thirty minutes to find where .he was. 3WNS THE NORTHMOST MINE, located in Uncle Sam's Possession Under the Midnight sun. - There was a man in Seattle recently who owns a mine located probably urther north than any mine in the world. He is .J. C. Green, and his mine s called the Omalik mine. It is situa ed on the Fish River on the extreme orthwestern part of Alaska, near Go ovnin Bay, which is about sixty miles orth of St. Michael's. To get a bet ter idea of how far north Mr. Green has gone iin search Or his treasuro the ocation of his mine Is in latitude 65 egrees north, longitude 184 west, over 1,000 miles northwest of Sitka. Mr. Green got possession of his mine In 1881, and has since spent about 100,000 in developing it The mine is s unique as its location, being "solid1 netal." The ore is galena, 75 per cent. f lead, carrying 143 ounces of silver o the ton and very little gold. Mr. Green generally spends his win. ers in California, chartering a ship every spring to carry his supply of itores and the miners he takes with him to his8 northern Eldorado. He pays his men $75 a month and board, but they do not receive their pay until af ter the year's work is done and the car o of ore they have taken from the mine has been brought down to San Fran Disco and sold. They are then paid off and receive from $900 to $1,200 apiece, which comes to them in a lump, for on lolovnin Bay there are no stores, no saloons and no opportunity for them to 'pend money if they wished. The natives, the Esquimaux, are a C peaceable, intelligent people, and are ery quick to learn the ways and cus toms of the Americans. Mr. Green em ploys them to work about the mines, nd finds them to be active and will tng workers. The climate is not so severe as one A'ould suppose it would be in such a northern latitude, the summer being 3 warm and pleasant and the winters not o cold as in some latitudes farther. south. It is the land of the midnight nn, and the wonders of the aurora borealis are seen in all their splendor. There are no white people there except the miners that are taken up each year,' ut Mr. Green says that one doesn't I ae a chance to get lonesome, as 1 here Are fish in the streams to cntch. 3 irds in the air to shoot and four-footed i 'nimals of the earth to kill. Mr. Green is a great enthusiast over i he resources and coming destiny of the great northern empire of Alaska,t and says that few people have an idea 1 f is marvelous wealth and the extent f f its resources. t Grover is a Deer, But a Hog. Grover is one of the attractiou~s at the East Side park in Paterson, N. J. But Grover has been behaving very badly lately and does not seem to be susceptible to reform. Supt. McGraw ~ has had to call the attention of the ark commissioners to Grover's case. He recommended that Grover should be killed. The commission, instead of killing him, will make an effort to have im laced in the menagerie at Central Park. The buck is one of three deer presented to the city a few years ago by Joseph Jefferson. It was named after the President. Grover has grown very fat, while hIs companions are wasting away. This is accounted for by the fact that he takes charge: of the trough every meal hour and fills himself up, while his companions stand 1 at a respectable distance and watch him in fear. The crumbs that Grover 1 leaves are barely sufficient to sustain lif in the other inhabitants of the pen. TERRORIZED BYAWOMAN..&_ 5he Ia Red-Headed, Well-Armed an4 Is Peddling Dr. Talmage's Book. The western part of Logan Counthl Ken tucky, has been greatly excited foi :he last three weeks over what ap. )eared to be a woman tramp, who bat )een going from house to house. She .s of medium size, with reddish hair, wears a veil constantly at the table, md claims to be an agent for one of [)r. Talmage's books. When asked to ee the book she tells the people that !verybody ought to know what it is, mud refuses to show it. She has not :aken a single subscription, but at ev. ry house she visits she shows a long Ist of prominent people whom she hat ,risited. She has called at nearly every bousL n the western part of the county, and iever has offered to pay a cent to any me for her meals and lodging. At very place she displays four large re -olvers. She says she carries them o protect herself. No one would eare o molest her, especially atter seeing he wicked engines of death that she :arries. She has little trouble in get. ng from one house to another. When he distance is too far to walk she askR he farmer at whose house she happens :o be to hitch up his buggy and take xer over. Of course, he thinks she is -ather "cheeky," but the picture of hose four big revolvers comes up be ere his mind's eye, and he hitches up he buggy without protest. She wil not sleep in a room with an. >ne, says the Louisville Courier-Jour ial. and has wanted to rent from any iumber of farmers a couple of rooms or a short period. The rooms have al rays been refused her. The woman s never seen without a veil, which Is weavy and almost completely hides her bce. Some think her a man masquer Lding in female attire. She has a arge face, rather coarse voice, and ears, as most of those think who kave seen her, a reddish wig. She has ven different names, and claims a iumber of places as her home. Some believe her an escaped lunat6 vhile others firmly believe that she is he advance agent of an organized >and of robbers. Be she man, woman, r devil, her appearance has terrorized very family she has visited in the ounty. She is now in the Allensville eighborhood, in Todd County, and the eople in Logan County are breathing aasier. A WISE WOMAN. e Knew Jim and Had Known Jlm'r Daddy Before Him. I had been living in the neighboik Lood of the mountains one summer, intil I had become so well acquainted ith the people of that Immediate see ion as to be taken into their councils .nd looked to for advice on all sorts f questions, even in domestic matters. The one most Important involved the ate of two lovers. Jim Sallers was ourting Marthy Little, and everybody hought it was just the right thing ex ept Marthy's mother, and she had ipposed It from the beginning. The irl's father was perfectly satisfied and did what he- could to win his rife over, but she was obdurate and ould listen to no persuasion. I had alked to her once or twice, but it id no good and I gave It up. Jun and had been on terms, all along, and!1 .dvised him to ran off with Mfarthy .nd trust to luck for the balance. He var a thrifty young fellow, sober and ndustrious, and could get along very yell without the maternal blessing, eeng that everybody else waspleased, mt he did not care to do so If there vas any chance'of winning the moth *r. At last, he agreed thait if Mrs. .ttle didn't come around within a reek he would pick Marthy up and un away with her, I agreeing to lend tim what extra money lie might need, .s he had a good creek farm and would* tave plenty when his crops came in. Vith this assurance from Jim, I went >ack to Mrs. Little. "I kno wv what you've come fer, Col nel, anid it an't no use talkin'," she aid as soon as I got into the house. "My dear madam," I replied, "I must ulk to you. I've seen Jim, and as sure s you are alive he will run off with arthy and marry her, whether you rant him to or not, and It would be so iuch better if you would give your onsent and have it all done regular .nd as it should be." "Well, I tell you I won't give my con et, and that ends It," she said hotly. I don't keer what anybody and every lody says, I ain't a goin' to say he kin arry her." "But that is childish," said I. "Yo1 ron't give your consent just because. -ou don't want to and for ng other eason." "I've got my reasons," she answered loggedly. "Well, tell me what they are." She got up and went to the door ano round the house and then back again. I wuz lookin' to see if ther wuz any ody about," she said as she resumed r place, "and ez they ain't, I'll tell ou my reasons ef you'll promise yov ron't tell." I gave the promise readily, and she vent o after a bit: "I've knowed JTim sence he wua A. aby and I knowed his daddy afore, .im," she said, "and -they won't do to ool with. Jim's all right and I'd like o see Marthy married to him, but i~s that pesky, that ef he kuowed me, d Marthy's pap and Marthy wanted .im to marry her, he'd be crawfishin' t no time and thar wouldn't be no reddin'. But ez long ez he thinks omebody is ag'in him, he's goin' tc ake t'other track and pull his way. Iow you know my reasons and I ain't -gin' to move a peg outen the ro~ad* er nobody till I've got Jim landed safe rih Marthy down Char on that farm .v his'n. Let him run off with her e11 .e wantter, and when they come back itched fer good, I'll have an infair ight here in my house that will be the! iggest one you ever hearn tell uv in liese parts, Colonel, and et you ever ell on me it won't be good fer you Tow mind." I minded, and now Jim and Marthy tave been married sonme time, and Jim s so well satisfied that even if I have metrayed the confidence of his respect d mther-in-aw it won't make any r..at anffrenc..-Free Press. tt Held Within It a S sepsshe for one Kau. "Trainmen running on be varloni. pads that cross the border lne between the United States and Canada," aid a man connected with an Importnat ral road, "tell a good many funny tales about smuggling, and some that are not m'uny at all. "A favorite way to smuggle valuabbl articles across the line, In either diree tion, used to be to pack them In a coffin tud then pay regular passenger fae for a supposed corpse. It was thought that a coffin would excite less suspicion thin any other kind of box, and that customs officers would never think of isturbing the dead In order to search for dutiable trinkets. The plan worked well for a long time, but one or two Vagrant cases of fraud were discovered. Lnd finally the offcers became more sus piclous of coffins than anything else. hat was the natural reaction from their former overconfidence. "Well, one day a coffin was put oA hoard a CentralVermont baggage carat [louse's Point, addressed to Toronto. [n charge of it was a young man, whose I swollen eyes bespoke much weeping, ftud whose mourning garb seemed to indicate clearly enough that he was a near relative of the man or woman Vhose body was In the casket He took his seat beside the coffin ana wivthout moving continued to gaze at it. Ruch grief seemed to the railroad peo ple unnatural, and they became per suaded ihat the coffin was full of smug Kled goods. They, therefore, determined lo examine It. "When the train reached a little sti ton at which a stop was made for theals, the conductor, after great effort, Induced the young man to leave the car long enough to get a cup of coffee, as suring him solemnly that the coffin wculd be carefully watched and left. indisturbed. "No sooner had he entered the res raurant than the conductor and bag Tageman made a rush for the con. "'Wonder what we've got here, Bill,' said one of them; 'silk or lace most like y. Lord! how well that smuggler acts I ls part. A man'd swear he'd just Ven left an orphan.' "'Too heavy for lace,' was the reply. Must be silk or tobacco. He's a smooth )ne, Is that young man. Knows his %usiness, he does.' "There were other jokes than these worse ones, but in the meantime they ad been prying up the coffin ld. With a rasping jerk the nails left the ower woodwork and under the flick tring yellow light of a lantern, both nen peered into the box. They saw "But Bill had fallen backward. "'Jo,' he said, 'that's my mothel. I haven't seen her for years. May God elp me.' L Lesson In Fractions. "Now, boys," said the teacher, "I have ? few Questions in fractions. Suppose !had a piece of beefsteak and cut It In o two pieces; what would those two >ieces be called?" "Halves!" shouted the cass. "Correct. AndliflIcut each halftinto wo pIeces?' "Quarters!" "That's right And If the quartr were each cut in half?" "Eighths!" "Quite so. And If those were eacha 'hopped In two?" "Sixteenths!" "Very good. And when the sixteenths~ were cut, what would those pieces be alled?" Here there was some hesitation, bu - T~ nj a moment two boys said: - "Thirty-seconds!" "Just right, just right," said the - eacher. "And now we will chop those n half. What have we now?" Silence lowed this question, while the boys hifted uneasily and the teacher held s breath. "Do none of you know?" nqured the young man. "Come-I'm ure that someone can tell me." There was a moment's pause, and t boy in the class piped out: "Please, sir, I think I know." "Well, Johnne, what?" "Mince," said the youngster; and here was a burst of laughter. WHERE DIALECT RUNS WILD. pecimen of the Argot in Use Among Australian Sheep Shearers. If the specimen of Australian dia ect which Gilbert Parker gives in the der is a fair sample of what we may xpect when dialect writers begin to ork up that country, we have not yet seen the worst Here Is a little story which reads like-a missing word puzzle r a cipher telegram: "Tell ye 'ow It was. I toddles off to the shed, pulls own me tongs, 'auls out a bloomin ~apllon, and was gon' down the whip Pn' side, both blades 'eavily loaded, w'en the boss drops and shot me dead. takes a 'op skip an' a jump back to he 'ut, put two folds in the ol' shiral :ee, slings the 'og 'ide on the tall croe dle, goes up the river like a frog, sits lown along sleepy Jim's muster and strips a hundred and forty by 4 o'clock aext." And here is the Interpretation which Mr. Parker is kind enough to 'urish us: "This Is how It happened: I walkeo ,ff to the shearing shed, took down my shears, hauled out a sheep, and I was Jipping down the right-hand side with 11 my might, when the manager came d discharged me. I went back to thue 1ut, folded up my blanket, put the sad lie on my horse, galloped up the river, stopped at Sleepy Jim's sheep pen and - shore a hundred and forty by 4 o'clock iext day." -Through the use of anti-toxine iL rriete, the death rate in cases of iiphthersa has fallen from fifty to 3ighteen per cent. in Bakowina. from xty three to sixteen per cent. -As a result of the exaination oi i400 eyes, Dr. Miles of Bridgeport, on., found that sixty-five per cent, required glasses. The women aui irs far exc ed the n.en and boys. -Sirus, the dog star, the brigzhtest star in the heavens, mores through space at a velocity of thirty three mia second. Its di-tance from the earth xceeds about a million times the dis mee of the sun. -No parental care ever falls to th !"t of a single member of the iusect trbe. in general, the eggs of an i.. sect are destined te be hatched long afte theazants are dead.