Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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TRI-WEEKLY EDITION. WINNSBORO, S. C., JANUARY 13, 1881. VOL. IV.-NO MEMENTOES. With our forns and delicato mosses, And leaves many tinted and bright, Old Winter, we count not thy losses, Though flowers ne'or gladden our sight. For we think of the Autumn in glory When we roamed far into the wood, And heard, aye, and read the old story, That all in its season uas good. As the green riponed into the golden. The purple, the greoen and the brown, The tree-tops and branches olden Cast leaves in their beauty down. Wo gathered and brought them to cherish When Winter shotld stay our feet From paths where the fair things perish, To troad in the busy street. Though eheery and bright to the vision, Mosses, ferns and the gorgeous leaves, Their nearest and cheeriest mission The spirit in silence receives. For back to the woodland recesses. Green bank and the rivulot's bed, To all that the glad Summer blesses The swift wings of fancy are sped. A Pike County Wedding. "1 used to marry a good many folks when I was justice of the peace in Bloom ing Grove," said Uncle Ira Chrissman, the other day. "Tthey generally wanted to get spliced on the Fourth of July or Christ mas. They'd come in from the woods,the fellow and his girl both riding on a load of hoop-poles or tan-bark, and sometimes holding themselves on to a three-foot log that a yoke of oxen was snaking in from a bark-peeling. One Fourth of July I took for wedding fees a coonskin, two railroad ties, a pint of apple-jack, three dozen hoop poles, 25 cents in pennies, two quarts of low-bush huckleberries, and a promise to vote for me when I was a candidate. But that was an unusually good Fourth for fees. The couples that I'd hitch, taking the average run of 'em would most likely say: Well, now, 'squire, we'eni much obleeged. When ye come 'long our way, ' squire, drop in and we'll flop an extry slapjack.' "But I never bankered after slapjacks with salt prk gravy and molasses, so those fees are coming in yet. "One (lay I was sitting in my office in Alose's bar-room thinking what I'd best do for a funny pain I had in my stomach, when in walked a big, strapping hoop-pole cutter and bark forager from 'way back o' the Knob. Ile had his daughter with him. The girl's name was -Mag. Mag was about 19, but, stars alive I she was blame near six feet high, and I'll bet she could lift a -barrel of whisky over a seven rail fence. She was pretty good looking for all that. 'BIusy, squire ?' asked the old man. Not particular,' I said. ' 'Wall, Squire, I s'pose you know that Jerry Elwine's got the best groun'-hog (log they is in the null Knob kentry, don't you ?"1 yo'I never heard of Jerry Elwine or his ground-hog dog,' said 1, partly on account of the pain imi my stomach and a plagued sight, madder because Mag had sot down on a straw hat of mine that I wouldn't have taken a dollar note for. "'What? never heer d o' that dog, 'Squire?' said Alag. 'Never heered o' ole Tobe? W-a-a-l, er that don't take the grease off'n my griddle ' '' 'Wall, anyhow, whether ye ever heer ed of him or not.' the old man put in, 'he's back o' the Knob, an' Jerry owns him. An' the trouble is, 'squire, Jerry's so cuss ed 'feered of his (log that lie won't let any. one hunt groun'-hiogs with him but hisself, an' lie's talkin' o' sellin' himi over into M'roe county.' "'Ef Jerry Elwine -sells that air dog,' said Mag, 'I'll rattle the teeth out'n him; I don't care ef we he again' to git splicedl' "JI began to think that the old man and his girl had conmc in to get an order of court on Jerry Elwine to appear and show cause why lie shouldnm't let Tiobe hunt with any person who wvanted him, and why a per p~etutal injunction shouldn't be issued for bidding him to sell the dog over in Mlonroe county. But, 1 wee wrong. "'he fact o' the matter is, 'squire,' continued the father, 'that dog's too gol darned vallyble to be wasted. He kin keel) any family that ain't a passel o' glut tons in groun'-hogs from September to the time they hole up. Some folks think groun' hogs is tiOo rank to set well, and I hieered Joe Atkinson say onet that, he'd as lief t'at a taller dip as the best p~art of a groun'-hog. But they ain't nothin' that goes to the spot wvithl our faily as a hunk o' that varmint. Is they Mag ?' "'Dad, yer shoutin'l' replied Mag. "'W~alh, as I was sayin', 'squire, that dhog is too vallyable to be in the onsartain -aitty wation he is now. 'That, clog is got to be connected wvith our fam'Iy, an' we've jest come in to see when you kin come out, our wvay, 'Squnire, an' make the connec tion.' "'You're going to buy the clog, oh ? andI want mue ts dlraw up the deed ?' I asked, madder thtan a hornet at all the palaver about dloge and ground-eogs., "'N-a-a-a-w I ' said Mag, laughIng about like a horse mnight. 'Yer way off, 'squire. Yer see, Jerry's been a workin' for its for a good while, an' b~eeni a trylit' to shine 'round mc fur muore'n six months, bitt hue ain't much of a llghter', an' lie ain't much of a shmooter, though he ain't no slouch at rip~pin the bark off'nt a hemlock, atn mowin' hoop-poles. But whten I heard lie weue goin' to sell 'Tobe I weakene~d. '1 hat dog fastens onto too many groutn'-hiogs to live away from our planttationi, I says. So Jer ry an' ime took to settin' ump nights a' the conseekense is that Jerry an' mue is golin' to jinue, an' the dlog stays im the family. What we want o' you is, 'tquire, to comei out and give us the hitch thme first, (day you kin, an' the sooner the better, fur they's a fel let' from P~onoco a offerin' fur Tiob~e most enmoughm to buy a farmt with, ani' Jerry may take it in his ornary head to sell huimi. Come ansy day, 'squire. We'mu all ready.' '' 'hat's about the heft of it., 'squire,' said Mag's father. 'Couldn't, ye stand a hectIc B3urbin otn it ?'' '"They both put a jman's drink of Bouir boni lnsle of themselves. I told 'em I'd be out In the coutrse of two or three days. In the latter part of the week 1 took the buchbcard and drove out. It was fifteen tiniles, over theo cuissedest road you ever saw. I was over six hours on the way. I found time house. It was in a clearing of aubout.iic hacrnesn divlied up I~n a t.....i. patch, a cabbage patch, and a patch of po tatoes. A. man was milking a cow in the bara-yard. On a board by the front door lay the ugliest-looking yaller dog I ever saw. 'That's Tobo, I s'pose,' I said to imyself. When I stopped my horse the dog got up. I tied the horse to the fence and walked toward the house. 'Tobe walked toward me. lie had only one eye. Ile showed his teeth and growled. I snapped my fingers, and said. 'Come here; that's a nice feller.' Ie gave one spring, and bad ic by the pants in less than no time. I yelled. The door opened and Mag came out. " 'Oh, it's you, is.it 'squire? Git out, Tobe I Ile's only playin', 'squire. Ain't he the bossI You orto see him shake a a groun'-hog. Come in, 'squire, come in. Ile ketched one to-day, and, by darnl we'll git the thing right over, like pullin' a tooth. Git out, 'Tobe, you ornary cuss 1' "Tobe left and I went in. I had a no tion to put a ball in the dog first, though. Mag's mother peeling 'taters in a tin basin. Mug had been washing, and her blue hick ory dress was as wet as a dish rag. 11er sleeves were rolled up to her shoulders, and her hair was sticking over l'er head in all directions. " 'Mam,' she said, 'h'yer's the 'squire. I'll call John out'n the burn-yard, an' we'll fix Tobe in his 'tater patch as solid as a pine-knot, in less'tr two minits I Dad ain't licie, but odd's the difierence.' "'Hold on a jiffy,' said the woman. I wanter settle suthin' fust. Ye know, 'squire, Jerry's got consider'ble property.' " '1-las he?' said I. 'I didn't know it.' " 'La, blers yoa l yes ; hoop pole up 'long the creek, an' half a cord o' bark in the woods. Then lie's got two bushel o' tuinips comil' from old Grindy, an' a share in that coon him an' another feller ketched last Sunday. Besides, he's got a new pair o' 14-shillin' cowskin boots and a pair o' pat ent Kentdcky jean overhauls. Ye see 'squire, Jerry's well fixed, an' what I want to know is this: Jerry ain't very wholesome. I think ne's got indigestion of the lungs. Anyway, in case he should drop of suddint without a will, I want to know kin his durned ornary brother Lije claim them boots an' overhauls, or will they go with the rest o' the things to his sorrowin' wid der?" "I set the old lady's fears at y est. The widow would fall heir to the boots and over a1s, I said. "'Then call in Jerry,' she said, 'and we'll hustle this thing through with bells on.' "M-g went to the door. "'Jer-r-e e I Jer-r-e-c I You Jerry ' she called at the top of her voice. "'What-a yer want?' came back from the barn-yard. 11 er allus a yellin' arter sutnin'.' " The 'squire's conie, you big lunimix I Come in an' git hitched I' "Jerry canie into the house grumbling, and as cross as a bear. "'Might let a fellar git his barn cleaned out first I' he grunted. 'He had on a hickory shirt, and a pair of overalls. The latter were rolled tip near y to his knees, and his feet were bare. " 'Wall, I guess yer barn'll kee) till this h'ycr's over,' said the old woman. "'The couple stood up and took hold of hands. I was just about to begin the cere iony when the old woman threw both hands over her head and yelled: " 'Dod rat yer ugly picter, Jerry Elwinel Ei you ain't gone and left the bars to that turnip patch down, and there's that pesky yearlin' heifer a chawin' up half the win ter!s bilin' I Git out there and turn her out, or I'll li'ist ye higher'n Gilroy's kite ' "Jerry dropped Ag' hand and ran out to attend to the heifer in the turnip patch. Ile cante back pufllng like a porpoise, and the ceremony was resumed and got through without further interruption. " ' ou sell Tobe, now,' said Mag. 'You dare to think o' sellin' Tobe now, Jerry, an' i'll make it warm aroundl this planta tion.' "Jerry went out to the barn. Mug went back to her washing. I lad no more busi ness there, but I thought i'd hung around for my fee, which I lmagiined would be a tolerably good one. By anid by the old man ilame home from the woods. "'WVell, dad,' saidi Mug, 'the jig is up, and 'robe is one of the faniy, aan.' '"T.hie 01(1 man called mie out inito the "'I understand,' lie saidh, 'that yer 'low ed four shillin' by law for splicin' people. Nowv, 'squire, that hits mec as being a h-e-e tle steep. Ye knowv I voted fur you more 'i oncet, an' I think you orter call tIs job three-an'-six. The recreation o' gittin' here andi back orter to be worth more'n the extra sixpence, 'squire.' "I was so miadl that I could have cram med my hat (down the 01(1 mani's throat. But I saidi I'd take the three-andl-six. '"Wall, 'squire,' said the bark.pealer, '1 ali't sold no hoop.poles yit tis season,but, i'll be (downi 'lection day or Th'anksgiven', an' hand you them figgers. Or say, 'squire, If you kill use some groun'-hiog,----' '"Thlat was about all I cared to hear just then. I rattled iiy buick-board away from there as fast us I could. I met Tiobe about half a mile downl the roadh, slouching along the edlge of the woodls. I heardl afterward they neve'r saw himn again, and that Mag charged Jerry with selling himi on the sly, and went to Milfordl to see if that wasn't ground for a divorce, But they never charged ime with shmootimg the (log anid throwing it into the woodls, as sonic folks have said they did." A Uurtouts iock. A curIous clock belongs to a native prince of Upper Indhia, and is jealously guarded as the rarest treasure of his luix urious palace. In front of the clock's disc was a gong, swung upon0f poh s, and near it was a p)ile of artificial hiunman libs. Tihe pile was made tip of thme full numaber of parts of twelve perfect bodies, bun all lay heaped together in seemiing confusion. Wheniever the hands of the clock Indicated the hour one, out from the 1)ile crawled just the numiber of parts neededl to form the frame of one man, part joining Itself to part with a quIck metallic chck;when coim pletedl the figure sprang uip, seized a mial let, anid, walking to the gong, struck one blow that sent the sound pealing thiroughi every room and corridor of that stately palace. Th'ims (lone, lie retuirned to the pile0 andl fell to pieces again. Wheni two o'clock came, two men arose and (lid like wise; and so thirough all the hours, thme number of figures bciing the same as the unumber of .theo hour, till at noon and mid night the entire heap sprang up, andh, marching to the. gong struck one after another each hIs blow, and then fell to piece.. At Sea on a Ootton-1ae. 1 well remember the dismay with whici the tidings of the burning of the steamd Lexington In Long Island Sound was re ceived in Boston forty years ago, Th first report was that all on board were lost and, in fact, it proved that there were onli four survivors left to tell the tale of wo that made that fatal January night s( tragically nemtorable. It* happened, re cently, in passing throughthe Sound in th steamer Rhode sl'and, that I fell into con versation with Mr. Crowley, one of th ollicers of the boat, and he told me that h was one of the four persons who manage( to escape with their lives when the Lexing ton was burned. I asked him to give in the exact particulars, which he did in : very modest and unassuming way, and think that the story is worth preserving for I venture to say that very few met could have endured what he did and lihei through it. lie is now a strong, well-pre served, and young-looking man (with hi hat on) of a little more than sixty years o age, and has ;experiencedao permanent det rinent, from (he awful exposure to whici he was subjected in his youth. On the night in-question the Lexingto was erowded with cotton to the full exten of its capacity, and also carrying the ful quota of passengers. At about 7:30 o'clock -Mr. 0. says that he heard a rushing of fee on the deck, and hurrying from his room he saw that the whole central part of thi vessel was afire, cutting off all communi cation with the apparatus for extinguish ing the flames. There was nothing to b done to save the steamer, and the life boats, as is so often the case under simila circumstances, proved to be of no practica service. After assisting in throwing over board a nuiber of cotton-bales, he seized a board and j umped into the water. Thii lie found to be of little use, and seeing a some little distance a bale of cotton tha did not appear to be on fire everything around being made as light as day by the burning ship, -lie swam for the bale and succeede< in reaching it. Waiting a while, in orde to recover from his exhaustion, lie mai aged to climb upon the top of the bale where, if lie could only avoid being froze to death, lie felt that he was for the timi being secure. Gradually the fires of the Lexington abated, and at last he found himself alone on the waste of waters, witi nothing to do but to wait, witti wha patience he could, in the cold and dark ness, until the dawn of day should brinp relief. When the morning broke a slool appeared in sight, engaged in looking afte those who might have survived the wreck and he was now sure that the worst wak over and rescue near at hand until, to hi disimy, lie saw the vessel change her cours and sail away without having detecte< him. All that day the stout-hearted mai clung to his cotton bale, thrashing abou as far as lie could venture to do, that hi night keep the circulation in his body alive, and soietines trying to paddle hit clumsy craft with his bare hands, but with out the slightest effect. Occasionally h Cell lino a doze, and tumbled twice intc the water, regaining his place upon th bale with not a little difliculty. As nigh drew on lie wound up his watch as usual and thinking that lie had now become sulli eiently accustomed to the motion of hii craft to enable him to do it in safety and being very tired and sleepy, he adjustet himself for a good night's rest. As he as sured me, lie did sleep quietly through th whole night, and woke in the n.orning re ireshed in body and mind. The Wednes. day sun now dawned, and another dreary day on the cotton bale awaited him, Tw< or three times it flashed across him that a "good square meal" would be refreshing, but lie says that lie suffered little fron either hunger or thirst. He had neither a coat on his back or a covering for his head, ad how lie was able to avoid being frozer to death is a miarvol; bul, he never hosi heart for ena instant, or had the slightest doubt, oh being rescuedi at last. Sometime: lie Iloated near the landJ, and then thc winds and the currents bore him away t< a point from which the land could not b< seen at, aill. He again triedl to wind up hic watch, but, with his frozen fingers, coulk not handle the key. After a while he fell noa sort of dloze, and imagined himself Lo be in the Stonington harbor, and decided to slip from the bale and~ wadeo ashore. i'he pluinge into the icy waters restored him to lisa senses, and again lie contrived i1s tomne mysterious way to recover his seat oil lie cotton bale. Ont (lie third evening, at about nine o'clock, lie foumnd himself fasi nearing the shore, aitd recogniizedn a spot known as "The horse in the bank,"-fromi the resemblance to a horse of a clump oi bushes growing near the water. Ils heart now revived, andl he felt that all that re iained was for hin to get through the suri in safety, which, in his enfeeble condition, lhe kenwv would require a strong effort o1 Lthe will. Taiis lie accomplished, andi at last found hiimselh once more standing or the solid groutnd. As his frozen feet wer< entirely insensible, It was with the greatest dnillculty that, lie was enabled to walk at all, but,, after one or two falls, he st~ruck into a unarrow valley, thinking that hc miighit find some spot, where lie could b( theitered fromn the searching wind and wail for the dawn of morning. After pitching along, as he supposes, about half a mihe, to lis indiescribable jo3 a light appearedl, andl makinag his way t< the dooer of the hiouse from which it shone, lie knocked for admittance. A young mar camie to the (door, who at first shrank baclh affrrighted at the strange looking being wh< stood uponi the step); but it was not long baforo the hospitable family were bus) dloing everythinig in their power for his re lief and comfort. A bright fire was burn. lag on the hearth, but lie was inicapable o~ feeling the heat, and it at once occurred t< his f riends that it would be perlous fec hinm to be exposed to such a sudden chiang< of temperature. Cutting off list boots which the swollen con<!ition of lis fee miade imiperattive-his frozen hands am feet were immtersed ha cold water, which sooni became coatedi with films of ice, am were scraped eff front time toi time unti the frost, was thoroughly abstracted. Suits ble0 ntourishmnt was then administered but, the sense of taste was entirely obhlitorat Cdl, and all that lie craved was repose. hoing night's rest restored his equilibrium and before noon on Tlhursday a hundret people had flocked in from the country t< see him, the tiding of his wonderful resc having by this time bcen commiunicate< far and near. Mr. Crowley's interest li his friendly cotton-bale had now revived1 and a band of men started off to find it Trhiey returned unsuccessfuil, when Mr. C., after Inquiring how the wind and ide hia been flowing since he landed, informed them of the spot where the bale would have been likely to lodge. Following his r directions, the bale was found, covered with ice, and in no way distinguishable from the surronding rocks, except by its undulation in the water. The bale was then brought in triumph to the house, and left there, subject to the order of its owner, who had become its proprietor by' the right of actual post ession. For three months and a half he remained with his hospitable friends, receiving from them the kindest attention, when he was removed to 1his mother's house, Pi-ovihence, whither the cotton-bale soon followed him. There it lay in the yard for more than twenty years, when cotton having reached its maximum price during the )ate war, the family were apprehensive that it might be stolen, and therefore Mr. Crowley was in duced to sell his precious baic to the manu facturer. Tho goods that were made from it received the "Lexington and Crowley" stamp and one good-sized package was pre sented to him by the manufacturer, a. por tion of which he bestowed tipon his rela tives and friends. It is a inelancholy fact that the goods which Mr. Crowley retained for his own use were soon stolen by some -very unsentimental and cold-blooded burg lar. And thus ends the strange story of the iron-nerved man who lived for more than two days and two nights on a bale of cotton in the sea. From the windows of my house at lon ledge I see the wreck bf the steamer Rhode Island, on board of which, I heard the ex traordinary story above narrated; and I recall the earnest tone in which the speaker said, at the close of his narrative, "The only thing that 1 really fear on the Sound, which I have navigated for the last fifty years, is fog." His apprehiension was justified in ten days' time, when in the thick, impenetrable darkness the lRhode Island dashed its life out on the rocks at the opening of Narregansett bay. Hlow Mr. 1iauger Won a IbiiO. Two young preachers, rivals in the min isterial profession, met on the stret of Little Rock, recently, when )Ir. Slinger, the Methodist, remarked to M1r. Billings the Baptist: "Uood morning, Brother Billings how do you feel since your labor of Sunday?" "First rate. I had a large audience, and it makes me feel good to think that the people are turning from their ways of wickedness. There was a tune in Little Rock, when, if a minister cou!d group to gether 100 people, he was doing well. Yes terday I had 300, which considering the number of our churches, is reinarkable. I am sorry to learn that your church is not getting along well." "How do you know that my church is not getting along well," askei Mr. bling er. "Oh, well, I hear so from authentic sources." "'That's all right," continued Mr. Sling er; "let that go for what it is worth. It is of course, inconsistent with our profession to bet, but waiving fur a nmoment the re quirements of our divine calling, i'll bet you a Bible that I had a larger congrega tion on Sunday than you did." "The requirements of the divime calling shall for a moment be waived. Notwith standing the fact that I am a preacher I am a human being all the sanme, and do not propose to be bullraggedl Come on and put up your Bible.,' The two preachers went into a book store, selected Bibles, and called up a dea con as a witness. "Well," said Mr. Billings, "my congre gation last Sunday numbered 300. I know this to be a fact, for I hired the sexton to count the people." "My congregation was 500," remarked Slinger, with a confident air, "D~id you count 'em?" "Well, how do you know? Why yotir litttle church won't hold that many.'' "That's all right. I had a congregation of 500. Not a man got up and left. There was not a man got up and left. Thelire was not the slightest disturbance, and the three women who were p~resent, behaved them selves." "Look here, where did you preach?" "I pr-eachedl to the convicts at the peni tentiary." There is a new Bible on the stand at Mr. Slinger's hiouse. Tha~t's All. A small, dapper, bilious-looking man, with little eyes, lang nose, and a pointed chin, rushed into a wholesale book store on Court avenue, Des Moines, Iowa, re cently, and asked one of thme clerks if they had a book entitled "Rteveries of a Bachie lor.', The clerk, who was very obligimg, as all clerks in that store anre, began to look for the deshredl article. He went over every shelf where it was likely to be, but could not find it upon any of them. Then he went down in thme basement-thme bilious looking man following himt-and dove dlown to the bottom of several boxes of books that had been laid by for want of a demand for them, scoured the shelves, searched the drawers, btit found it not. TLhent he went tip to the second floor and resumed his search among more 0o(1 books, uupacking several boxes, and overturning a large Quantity of goods. lie was about to give up the search, and told the man lie didnt't believe the book wvas In tihe store. But the man said he wished lhe would find it If possible; so thme clerk wecnt up into the third story and prowled around ag rin for half an hour, and finally fIshed It tup out of the dust in a little box away off ini one corner of thle top row of shelves, after a search of over an hour. Hie brushed the dust from the cover, and saidl: "Yes, here it is; $1 50; yotu can have it for $1 25." "Oh, 1 don't want to buy it," said( tl~e billiotus-.ookmg man. "D~on't want to buy It ?" sidd thme clerk; "why didn't you say so anm hotur ago ?" Why did you miake me .search so long fof an article yoti don't want to buy ? My time is valtiable, and my employer exp~ects .mue to put it to profitable use." "WVelh, you see," qutietly remarked the man, "I madle a bet with Jeff Crandall. Hie said I couldrn't find the book in Des Moines, and 1 bet him $5 I cotuld, and I have won the bet. Trhat a all. Sorry to trouble you so much." And the man wended hIs way clown staIrs again. When lie hmad gone the clerk thought bow happy lie would be to get an Invitation to that man's funeral. -Sarah Bernhiardt hase her life In anured fre #4n,000 A Big Nose. I was standing on the platform of the New York Central depot, in New York, the other day, waiting for the tiain for Boston, when a woman, probably born near the opening of the present century, cale Uit to ie and said: "You are a stranger to ile, sir." "Yes," I replied, as I looked at her bonnet and wondered how many hundred years old It was. "I am sorry," said she with a sigh. "Why so?" I said. "Because if I felt acquainted I would like to speak to you." She had already spoken twice. '"Try and feel acquainted," said I en couragmgly. 'Then you have no objection to ine tell ing you my story?" "hIow maiv chiapters are there?" I in quired. "It it long or short?" "Short," Phe replied. "3egin," said 1, the train will be here soon., I am in distress," said the woman. "What caused it?" I inquired; "mince pic or cabbage?" "Oh, no, nothing that I ever eat hurts Ine; it's a man. "Ali, I sce; your husband has left you." 1NO, that is not it. 1. never was mar ried." "Indeed; then you are in the market?" This is a slight deviation from the truth, for she was aside of me in the depot. "Well, not exactly. I am engaged, but I have an idea of breaking off the engage ment." Heartless wretch, thought I to myself. "For what reason?" I inquired. "Because of something that I have heard lately." "What is it?" I inquired. "We haven't had any thunder storm lately." "INo, but I hear that people after they are married grow to look like each other. What do you think about it?" "I haven't any money upon it," I re plied, "but yet it may be so. Tennyson advances some such idea as that, I believe. But what do you care if your future hus band does grow to look like you?" "Grow to look like mel" she exclaimed, "I wish lie would. That is not it at, all. I am afraid that 1 shall grow to look like hii." "Ali, there's the rub," said 1, as the woman rubbed the lobe of her left ear. "But what if you do?" "Why, he's all bent up with the rheu matisn," replied the woman, "and 1'11 sound in every timber." "But rheumnatism can be cured," I re plied. "M31ore than that, he's bald headed as a goose egg," added the woman. "Would not I look pretty without any hair?" "On the contrary, I think it would rath er detract from your charms," I replied. ''But this isn't all-he hasn't got a tooth in his head. How would I look without teeth?" "Bad," I replied, looking thr'ough the depot to see if the train wasn't coming. "More than this," said the woman, 'he s got only one leg." "Probably the other is all right," said 1, to comfort her a little. "Yes," said the woman-"but he lost one eye in the army." "Then you ought to marry him out of sympathy," said I, "if for nothing else." Ii can stand all this very well, replied the woman; ' but there is one thing that I cannotswallow, and that is his nose." "But why do you want to?" "Want to what?" "Why-swallow his nose?" "I niean," said the woman, trying to ex plain, "that I can't stand his nose-it's tremendous." "Large, you mean?" "Yes, perfectly frightful." "'Naturc (lid not forget to remember you in that direction," said L. She had as big a nose as ever 1 saw oin a person of her size. "No-I've got a good, big one myaelf, but there isn't any wart on it," saidl the woman. "None that I can see," I repliedl. ''Well, that,'s the trouble; lie nas got a big nose and a big wart on the end of that." "Unfortunate,'' saidl I. "I want to give you a conundrum," saId the woman. "When he goes to take a glass of water, which do you think strikes tihe litquid first, his lip~s or his nose?" "Hlis lips, of course," said 1, startIng for the traim which hiad arrnvedl in the statioii andi was on the point of starting. "Nhlo, sir," she replied, ''the wart does.'' As I took 1ho1( of tile door-knob, the wonman shouted: "'Shall1 1 marry him or not?" "I1 do not, (dare to advise you upon so dlelicate a subject," I replied, as the train mloved off. Seeing that all the p~assengers were look ing at me, 1 dlroppledl Ito the fIrst seat, that 1 couldl lind, and did not sp)eak again for half an hour, Streets of Pera. The streets of Pcra anu its suburbs may dlefy all the world to match them in the in convenience arising from bad pavemnents, (dirt, crowds of donkeys ladlen with bricks and~ timbllers for building, caravans of camels, and the taalika8 or carriages of the higher classes of society that frequently blockade the p)assage. In thme niidst of this transportation of good8 chattels, and1( geni try, between buildings that encroach uipon the highway, which is minus sideOwalks, the mixed and1( motley multitudle of pedes trians that forml the great portion of this Babel contrive to thread a tortuous course; now arrestedl by long timbers that, fastened together and crossedt upon the neck of the poor little anmmal, are left to Ily ap~ait and1 vibrate, threatening annihilation to tihe unfortunate object wit un their reach; now warned b~y tihe tin ig bell that Is sus pendled from thec neck of the camel, of the ap~proaich of the long train that follows; here seeking shelter in the dtoor of sonie shop from the rapid and heavy gallop of powerful chargers mounted by Turkish chiefs, whios2 arms are rattling upon the pummel of the richly embroidered saddles, andh the numerous attendlants who bring up the rear; there dlexterouisly escaping a crushing pelt from a cargo of bricks that nearly conceals the little victim dloomled to bear It, who, in common withl a score of his comnpanlins, left to thieir own guidance, jostle and totter hither and thither, as if they wvere practising for a tilting match. -There are 140,000) more Women than 1m10n in Ireland. Stakinr Out a R)epot. About two months ago two men called I at the house of a farmer, in Sullivan coda- i ty, Pennsylvania, and asked him to ac company themi a distaknce of two miles, which lie did. When traveling through the woods, the twoien told him in a secret way that they were engaged by a railroad company to make a survey of the most ic cessible route. They exacted a promise from the farmer that he would never tell anyone, not even his own wife of the new project. They further told him in order to keep their movements secret, they must have a quiet boarding house, . and asked him if he could make room for then at the house, promising himu double rates, as the company in such cases not only paid good board rates, but Invariably insisted upon landlords to accept, a gift of from one to two hundred dollare. The farmer said they returned home in the evening, and lie and his wife provided comfortable lodging for the two railroad stakers. Every morning for a month, these men sat down to a steaming breakfaat, and then would stroll leisurely across the fields and would emerge into the woods; after dinner they would strike out in another di rection. While at thecir meals they would talk of the propriety of cutting through this hill, and making a culvert over this and that creek, that the company might object if the expense would run over $4,000, etc. In this strain they aroused the farmer's wife to a high state of inquisi tiveness and they finally told her the secret of their mission. The month was now drawing to a close and the farmerinformed the surveyors that never in his life would a little money be moru acceptable than now. They had no ready cash with them, but if lie would wait, until they staked out a depot, they would then have a sullicient sum to pay him off. To keep up th1% ap plearance of his table, the farmer killed a young steer and several turkeys. When they were through with the road, as they said, they would take the farmer, his wife and two daughters to lelp stake out a de pot. It was agreed that the depot wan to take the place of the barn. The father was to be baggage master, and the two daughter, too, were to be taught telegraphy and the s %t - 'a to be named after the old woman. AL -r the above arrange ments were made, they I( ft, pronusing to return in three days. They htve nut yet put ., ll appearance. Ti Photoi,hone. This remarka)le invention is own sister to the telephone. It mcanis, to talk by light. The idea upon which it is founded is this: Certain substances tire sensitive to light, and change their electrical condi tion according to the amniount of light that falls upon them. To understand this, you may observe that colored cloths fade in the sun, and certain chemicals change their color in a beam of light, as in taiking a photograph. This is called the actinic ef fect of light. In like manner certai chemicals change their electrical condition when exposed to light. This is a new fact in nature, and upon it is founded the new apparatus for talking by light. The ap pairatus consists, first, of a transmitter for causing the sound or tle voice to affect ai beatn of sunlight. This is a thin dia phriam of silvered mica arranged sonimewhit like the diaphragtm of t telephone. A pow erful beam of sunlight is directed upon the front of this, tnd is reflected through two lenses of the receiving station, which may be several hundred feet, or metres, away. The operator stands behind the mirror, and speaks against the back of it. At the re ceivitig station is a reflector arranged to receive the beam of light and concentrate it upon a curious substance discovered a few years aigo and cailled selenium, anid con nected iti a peculiar matnner with a tele phlon~e. Now if the operaitor speaks be hind thme mica mtirror, the personi holdmng the telephone to las ear, hears every word that, is said. TIo trace the curious changes the sound goes through, from one operator to the Othier, we muist observe thait t~he vi brations of the ajir imove the mirror, andi cause the beiam of rellected light to vibrate. ''Te vibrationis of the light, afiect the eiec trictal condition of the telephone; the eice trical vibrations are transformed in the telephone btack again into soutnds. Th'lis truly wonderful invention is so new that it is yet impilossible to say whait may result from it. This much hais, however, been p~roved: The soutnd of the humiani voice and musmical notes maty he sent to a dis titnce biy meanims of a beami of sunlight, or by the light of a laimp. The New York Hfouso. One of the travelers for a new,.fresh dry goodls house recently arrived in a town In Alassachusetts, to find that' one of his best customers was about to tranisfer his custom I to ta Boston house. '"Didn't we atlways (10 well b~y you?" asked thme New Yorker, as he sat down for ani expltanation. "Ycs, I believe so." "'1 )dn't we ship, goods promtnly?"' "Yes." ''And dhid we ever press you int a pinich?" "Did you get lower p~rlces of the Boston house?" ''No, I canm't say ais I dhid." '"Then 1 can't understanud wvhy you should leave our house all of a sudden alter buying of us several years." "'I k now thmat-sonic exp~lanation Is (due, and( I will make (one," replied the mercehant. ''You kniow that 1 attend church?"4 '"Yes, tand~ so do 1." "DIo you? .I didhn't know that. I am looked upon as a Christian." "'So amn I. i've got the (late of my bap tismn right here Iin my note book." "Is that, so? Welh, our church is in nced of repairs. We were talking It over the other daty, when the Boston drtummer was In here, tand lie at once subscribed teti (101 lars." "Te'n dollars! why that's only two kegs of nails! 'tt mc down for thirty dollars, cash, a new silk hait for cycry season, and a full sutt of clothes for the minister." "D~o you really mean It?" "Of course I do, and If that two-cent Christian from Boston dares sign another five, I'll send you (down a $600 church organ and pay a man $500 per year to play It. We arc a house which never make any great display of gospel hymns, butt when a Boston drummer bluffs. we show our religious hand amnd rake In' the pot every ime." The merchant will sIill contInue to deal with the New Ynrk 1annan. BRIEFS. -Over six thousand gallons of apple randy were made in Lehigh county, ?a., in September. -There were 124 persons run over md killed in London last year, and 1,9g0 persoeis Injured. -St. LouIs has sixty kindergirtens, nstruelng 5,201 children between the tges of live and seven years. John M. Mauger, of Pottstown, Pa., vto 18 elglty years of age, uses a razor ,hat has been In the family 200 years. -Two thousand acres of land, cover ,d with line timber, were sold in Lewis -ounty, Ky., last week at $1 per acre. -There were one hundred thousand iarrei of apples frozen by the cold inap at Sodus, Wayne county, New Vork. -The Emperor William, old as lie Is, tilled 118 doer and wild boars during ils recent hunting excursion at Let lugen -Ironi is rolled so thin at the Pitts Jurg (Pa.) iron mills that 10,000 sheets tre required to make a single inch in ,hickness. --Gencral von Uoehen's death is men loned its anl irreparable lost to Ger nany. lie was looked upon as Moltke's Puccessor. -Spain, with only 17,009,000 Inhabl ants, turns out yearly twice as much vheat as does Italy with 28,000,000 of nhabitants. -In 1870, 35,500,000 pounds-of tea vere expoirted from India, and in 1880 t is believed that the yield will be 70, )00,000 pounds. -Mr. Robert Lncoln son of the mar ,yred President, receIved more votes han any other candidate for Presi luntial Elector in Illinois, -01 14,500,000 quintals of grain im orted into France during the first ightl mouths of the present year 9,000, 00U quintals caime fronn America. -There is in iLondon a dog's board ng hotise, where canlue pets ilay be cut to be taken care of during the tbenc of their owners from town. -SLince the sale of liquor was pro ibited in CUrroliton, (Ga., ive years tgo, the annual trade of that place has nereased from $200.000 to $500,000. -Tihe Matrimonial Benefit Assoclation si a Cincinnati Institution. There are 101 members, and each get $1,000 at iuarriage, all the rest being assessed $5. -Nineteen mules in a drove of 'hirty were killed by a lash of' light ning in Washington county, Ky., re Jently. They had been purchased for |1,444. -Tho death was lately announced of LIen-, Low, son of Sir Hudson, Napo 1con'8 custodin at St. Helena, whose wife was one of the New York De Ianeys. The total ba-iking capital of the Ilited States is,in round nunbers,six liundred and 1ifty nillnts; the and du p)os1ts aggregate twenty-two hundred anuilliens. -'I'lo first coins of the United States were struck w ith the 10ortrait of M-irtha Washington, M)r. Spencer who cut tha lirst (lie, copyinir her features In his nedallion. -The Sotithern Palf'0 Uittlroad, it s said, Is now 1,150 miles from Sim ranclseo, having crossed Arizona taid is beIng rapidly constructed to 6vards ,'(t 1111,8 . -The British Secretary of War has ssued orders obliging all subaltern nilitia olfleers to join the military ol ege at Sandliurst before compoting for 30mmuiiissions in tho army. -hocolate, the lour of the. cocaa aut, was 1irst introduced into England rom11 Mexico lin the year 1520, and seen ifer became a f'avorite beverage in the London collee.houmses. -The Ostrich huinters of South %fri'ca, bearing in mind the wonderf ul iigestive powers of the bird, extract hie pepsIns f'iomn its stomnneh and sell it 'or its weight In gold to dyspeptios. -Asor Ward, a-veter'an of thle war of 812, whio saw General Packenhamn ilhledl at New Orleans, diedi, at his iomic In F~ort Scott, Kansas, the other lay, agedl one hlundlred anid three years. -Mr. William Bucknell, of Philadel phia, has recently presented to tihe ibr'ary of thle Binghamton (N Y. Blibie College one hiundrlied new books, nany of which are said to be works of' (r'eat value. --Thie People of Turini are very fond >f the Queen of Italy. She lias no ruiard of soldiers when she arrives in hat cty. 11er smile is everyivwhere wvelcomned with cheers Iremn an admnir lug populace inl ialy. -Thie foreign business of the Bos UOn aid Aibanmy railroad now occupies bleds anld wvarenjouses at thcEast Boston ~erinilal covering 200,000 square feet, )eide~is thle graini elevator with a ca. alty o1 1,000,000 bushels. --or'est county, P'ennsylvaila, is oew the great fld for tile hunters of ilit state and Ne w York. Bear, deer, ik, foxes aind smaimll game of' all varne ~les are miore plenitliul tilre than in miy other part of the Middle States. --Statistics of the British wheat crop shiow that, waile it, will exceed the 'leld of thle disastrous season last year, I. wili fall short o1 thle aivera'ge for the ast ftilteen yearis and will require tihe mhpor'tationl of at least 120,000,000 Su she is. -Dunring the commercial year end Jig Seiptemiber 1st, 1880, 1,131,004 bales >f ttoni wvore carried out of tihe cot.. .on States overland, thle bulk of' it by aill- Something like 1ll per cnt, of ,ne crop crossed tle (',O aid the --i'eat lBritln and Ireland pro luced $33i0,000,000 worth of minerals mnd meLais in .1870, smelting (6,000,0W) ,115 o1 pig ,ironi an d mining .131,000O,0 ens ct coal. T1here are 3,8/7 coal ulines Ia the UnIted Kingdom, of whleh )muy 47 are ini Ireland. -rhio Marquis of Bte, whlo has ust r'eturned mrom his villa in Joru.. alein, Intends to establishl a Romiara Jathioill onastery for English mionky >ni the properlty. [PJans arc in proper itlon by tne architect of' the lirompton >r'atory, thle cost not to exceed $25,000. Tihmo cief' of the bureau of' statistics ' .'por'ts that thle total value of' exports >i domestic girovisions and tallow frOmi lie United btaies during October',1880, wero $11,408,510 and during October, l879, 47/,U32,718; for the ten alonths siued Outover 31ist, 1880, $115,184,480 md for tile samie time 1879, $8U,864,29*