Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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THE LEDGER:? GAFFNEY, 8. 0., AUGUST 27,11896. 3 .■DftTLB FEMALE LETTERS.*’ Btorms of Trouble at a Biff Camp Moetlnff. A YTIckod Young Man, Two Innocent Old People and » Gay Yonng Widow —An Arkansas Mtorjr — A ^ Waiting Game. The biff ciunpmeetin over yonder at the Indian Creek grounds is now in ses sion. Me ond mother haven’t went over there as yet, though we would be t r e me ndIu s glad If we eon go this cotnln Sunday. But the fatted calf aint fat enough for beef, whilst , the chickens have now got the cholery and got it bad, and a big ineetin in this country with out chicken pie and a little fresh meat, ami the like of that, would drag along as dull and slow and heavy tut an ox wagon without a tar bucket or a whip. Fan and “Confuslonment” to Spare. But in tho main time Aunt Nancy Newton she- went on over to the camp grounds Tuesday mornln, and then on Friday evenin she driv by our house returnin back to the Panther Creek »ct- t lenient. “The camp mcetin is rnnnln along ns reglur and natural as you please," soys Aunt Nancy to mother and me, "but I drlv all the way around by here to tell you that they have got so scandlous much fun and eonfusionment goln on over there In that country till the very native air Is hot and blue all around In spots us big as a bed quilt. “It would seem like the clouds rla all of a suddent and a furious bad storm Is now hlowin betwixt the Blantons and the Widder Milford. You all will remcmlier, no doubts, that Squire Steve Blanton and old Miss Cre<'*y Walton they took and got married along in the spring of the year. Old Stevo had lost his seeont u ifo, and all the children they had married and settled down, whilst Miss Crccsy was one of your old maids—red-headed and peeurloua—but still wiliin to mix clothes with Squir* Blanton for weal or for woe. "Now, the Widder Milford—Dob Mil ford’s widder—Mlttie Gaskins, ns she used to be—lives over there in the name settlement with the Blantons. If yon all never have scraped up any leglnr acquaintance with Mlttie. Mil ford, I reckon to lie certainly you ha'tj hcrinl some tell pf her. But anyhow, she is young—she is right tolerable good lookin—she dresses out of sighf and cuts a wide and reckless swell} everywhere she goes. From gonernl yer ports I reckon sfye must of been about lhr<^‘ times too many for Bob Milford, Whip-h .von recollect Bob he pulled up Am] went out west three years ago come prxt Christman, H Vf>U must, lfk?vi&3 keep in pilnd, that, Will Toni Pickens—the pus/rasoal—he went over last 'tended the crimp jneetln two Td a night, In during of that ho took and writ two letters on ely and dropped them into Squire llauton’s coat pockets—one on this side and one on that--unbeknownnee to old Steve, you understand. He writ both letters in a nont little female hand writ'n—which kicks powerful like Mlttie Milford’s hand write—and signed the wldder’s maiden name to both of them. Nobody knows for certain how It was done, but nt any rates them let ters got Into the squire’s pockets whilst the night meetln was goin on, and when old Stove went to bed that night 'he i\ as shout in happy and ns innocent as a first horn lamb. But in cllmbin Into his Sunday clothes the nextmom- In a little white paper fluttered and fell out of his pocket and his good wife. Miss C’reesy, she picked It up and read It and then went ravin crazy mad on the spot. The squire he wlnt down on! his knees and belt a private prayer Bieetln with his wife right then and there. He told Miss Crresy that some body else had writ the letter for pure spite and eussedness, and orwore by the llvin and the dead that he wouldn’t 1 now the Widder Milford if he wan to meet her in the big road in broad open daylight—which I reckon he told the rober truth In regards to that—ami finally at last he got her cooled down Kiiflicicnt to kiss and spile out, and let the white wings of peace flutter over the camp grounds onost more, "It was nothin to me and none of my business maybe, but,! put In and tried my level best to fipd out If I could wha^ pu 1 he letter snijl to tho old squire," Aunt Nancy went on in her plain,blqnt, jippest way, “but nobody couldn’t tell rxeoptin Miss Crccsy, and she would Only give out the news in a general way, But anyhow it would seem from what little has leaked out that It waa the most Hwoetewt and nll-ovem>t love letter that ever was writ In female hnnd- wrlt« to any llvin man In 40 miles of (ndiun Creek camp grounds." •‘Ono More Female Letter," "But you recollect, Kufus, what the poet says—when troubles come they come not like the gentle April showers, but in great gobs and sluices. "Bight when It looked like p!u perfect peace was oncst more In tho saddle, bless goodness another cloud riz and the storm bust loose In a fresh place. It was durin the noon reccssin and everybody hud took out to feed. Squire Blanton and his good wife, Miss Creesy, had jlned in tho general spread lookin ns prosperous like and pleasant ns a pair of mellow may pops. But now presently Miss Creesy she went foolin and fumblin around in the squire’s coat pockets }iuntin for a Jinnkereher, when nil of q lltddent she jumped and screamed like |he was snake bit. Everybody wanted to know wlirit in gll the round eregted . world was the matter, and it didn’t iks so very long to find out. Mis* Greesy she hod found another one of them little female letters. It was to the squire. It was fixed up powerful like the Widder Milford’s hnndwrite, and it was likewise also signed “Lov ingly Yours, Mittie.” They thought nt first that M'ss (’reesy wdOld faint sway, but she soon recovered and jpenod on the squire. She read some little snatches from the letter out loud right there in the crowd and then she fairly scorched the nlr with her opinions of old Steve and the widder. Squire Blanton he prayed and he begged, and he begged and he prayed. But It wouldn't go down with Miss Creesy. She had stood the seandiiln- tlon of one letter from Mittie Milford to the squire, but two ''f a kind in one ilny was altogether too many. "And from all the general npjienr- ments, Bufus, that second letter must have been sugar-coated and out of sight. They tell me that it had the Muoll of cinnamon drops about it, whilst every other word was 'Darlln' ami ‘Honey’ and the like of that, "The women folks they got Miss Creesy off dow n to the spring to sec if they couldn’t do somethin to hush the storm, whilst some of the brethren belt, an extra prayer meetln with the squire.! The Widder Milford she was there on the grounds, and she told everybody, that Miss Hlanton was hnrkin up the wrong stump, ns she had never writ a letter to a man of that name in all of her; bom days. I have no doubts but what the. w idder told the truth in that re gards, but the whole united world couldn’t make Miss Creesy believe it. She wanted to scratch Mittie Milford’s eyes out, and tear her raven looks up by the roots, and it took six or seven com mon women to keep her from proceedin with the proceed ins along that line. “Hut at last Miss Creesy went home with some of her kinnery. Squire Blanton went on back to his lonely fireside, whilst the Widder Milford she remains over on the camp grounds till yet. In the mnlntimc Will Tom Pick ens has let the eat out of the w allet ns to who it was that writ them little fe- msle letters. The women folks are now nt work tryln to get Miss Creesy to 1**- lieve Will Toni and forgive the squire, which l reckon she will soon git tired and quit pullin on tho bits. Old Sieve Is innocent and hopeful, wliilst the Wid- dor Milford still wears the finest clothes and the most of ’em of any woman on the camp grounds. You ought to go over there, Bufus, and hear the news and aave the country." ARP ON POLITICS. Bryan Must Be Elected or Ho Will Quit Talking. Calls Him Uncle Yet — Wrlcbt’* I'latform Uleeectetl l»y the Hi*xe of ISartow--Would Mike » Good Governor Him.elf. Bight now there Is more fusion and confusion in the polities of this country ♦ban I have ever anw r liefore in my day and generation. The democrats have fupe<j >vith some of the third party, and somp pf the thirej party bus fused with scalawags ami niggers, and there you ore, ns the map says in the play, Me and mother find the children llirpod out and took in one of them fusion meet-ins last week, wherein plainest question seemed to lie whether it in better to hold the hand we have got or draw to others which we know not of. But at any rates, in the general “eonfusionment” I fused with a crowd of good women and got on the outside of a monstrous good dinner. As to |K)lities, I reckon it maybe mouglit be better for me to stay out and let the other fellows settle the question. Guest upon u time I was makln a horseback trip through Arkansas to the Bed Kiver country of Texas. It was; late Into the shank of the evenin. The weather was tromendius cold, and I! was so r.tarvln hongry till even to my socks didn’t fit comfortable. A sud-; dent bend in the road brought me in sight of n big log house w ith n “board; r.nd lodgin'* sign ont, the very sight of which made my heart feel a whole lot lighter. When I rid up I couldn't see a livin' soul, but I beard a great mens goln on in the house. I hollered two or three times nt the top of my voice before I’ got n henrln. Then a man opened the shutter and poked his head out of n window. His face was scratched and bloody and he didn’t have on any' clothes to sjieak of. i “Cold and tired and hongry—I would love to find out who is runnin this house," says I. "Well, dndhlnme It, stronger,’’ says! the man nt tho window, “you w ill have to wait and sec. Me and the old lady ore now tryin to settle that very pint." So In regards to the great game of American iiollties. A mighty rueus Is now goin on, and X will have to wait tlil the people fight ft ont. RUFFS BANDFRB. Knocked Out wltli One Flow. A cutting story in being told at the rxisuise of a well-know n Louisville pinn,' who is something of a bent, as well a* » bore, A wealthy man from the cast wan in tho city a short time ago, and ' luring his stay the Louisville man did his best to get his friendship prepara-i tory to borrowing a goodly sum of: money. He showed the eastern man ail nbout the town, saw that he was admit-' ted Into the sacred precincts of the ■ clubs, and took care that he had a good | time in all respects. The easterner was j charmed. He had often heard of Ken-i tucky hospitality, and his greatest ex- pectntions were discounted by what the Louisville, man did for him. He was no! fool, however, and it was not long be- forw he learned that his alleged friend j was simply’ laying a trap for him. One! day, when the Louisville man thought; fils way to the rich man’s jiorke.tliook waa clear, he broached the subject of a ; loan, doing this, of course, in the mostj urtistie and seductive manner. The rich man appeared much impressed, but' when the story was ended he said aim*! ply: "Excuse me a minute w hile I go! icross the street and get a drink.” When he returned the Louisville man; had vanished. The coldnoas of t he east erner w ho could announce cold-blooded-' ly that he was going to drink alone hod 1 jot under the eutieieof the schemer.— Loul'wHk* Commercial. —Norw ay has but 14,800 miles of pub lic highway. How funny and fantastic is politics. Only a few years ago the alliance was in full blast and bad its star chamber with its signs and grips ami pass-words and no lawyer or doctor or preacher need apply. It rolled into office a few lead ers and schemers and then went Into u state of innocuous desuetude, ns Mr. Cleveland woukl say. But it didn’t stay dead. In its dying agonies it gave birth to a child that had more sense than its daddy and they named it poi>- ulist or the jioople’s party and invited us all in. The star chamber was abol ished. The goat was dehorned and turned out to grasi. The big warehouse scheme was abandoned. The railroads and telegraphs were allowed to run on awhile longer on their own hook, but they hold on to the free silver plank with a stubbornness that was l»orn of des peration. By and by the southern democrats ami wtnioi if d euro erst" be gun to cry out for free silver and they cried so loud and so strong that they carried Chicago by storm and took the fort like a cyclone had struck it. Then euine the populists at St. Louis and with grout good sense and liberality said what is the difference between us; let ns lie brethren. You have stolen our platform, but we can all stand on it. You take the head and we will take the tail, and together we will bury these goldbugs so deep the hand of resurrec tion will never reach them. But the democrats had already attached a tail of thelrownandnowthc head has two tails that are wagged by different pni ties and it’s very annoying, for there is no law or constitution that allows but one. And there is the republican party, and before long there will be a goldbug democratic party, and so if this tail question is not settled the populists will put up an electoral ticket of their own with Bryan and Watson electors, and it will take four electoral tickets to settle the great question of the next president ami the vice, president. That means McKinley and Hobart, it seems to me, for the republicans always stick to their party. But I reckon the general man agers know more about that than I do, and will arrange about the tails, J hope so, for if Bryan is not elected I shall do like Evan Howell said: “I will take to the woods," or X tvill do }ike lago ualdi "I will never speak word more," that Is to say n political word. When the lots war began I heard a preacher say in the pulpit that if tbs Lord suffered the Yankees to defeat us lie would never again believe in a special Providence. I don't say that, but I have a suiR-rsti- t ions faith In Mr. Bryan’s election, and shall go to bed sick if lie is not. I be lieve h? wn.s raised up to purify and re form national politics. But I was ruminating about these populists in our state affairs. It hasn’t l>een so long since Tom Watson sold his law books and burnt the bridge behind him because his party said that lawyers were not fitten to hold office or go to Heaven and were not fitten to get fitten. But. now Tom has picked up Scab Wright, a lawyer in full pructiwo, and is grooming him for the governor's chair. Besides that, Scab has the misfortune of bring rich, which was another unpar donable sin. But now Scab didn’t have to sell his law books like an idiot, nor take his wife’s money out of a national bank. The fun of the whole business is that the populists took a democrat for president and now have conscripted a democrat for governor. Scab Wright never joined them until after he was nominated; in fact, I don’t know whether he has Joined them yet or not, nor how long he will work in the harness. For several years he hasn’t boon considered a subdued working democrat. He wasn’t well broke and kad to be watched, for sometimes lie bucked like a bronco. But this is in his favor, for I never admired a democrat who would go It blind and never kick at the pop of the party whip. Rtatehouse rings and courthouse rings have some times to be broken up, and it takes a man of nerve to do it. But it is funny to see the populists hunting around in the hushes for a standard-bearer. And they found a good one. } like Reuit—: everybody does. }te was raised in my town and went to school with my boys and wanted to pmrry into my family connection and call me tmelc, and Soao says everybody was willing but the girl, and she made a mistake and said no when *he meant yes, but he didn’t know it at the time and he lost her. But he called me Uncle Bill the other day to show his affection. He doesn’t want this mentioned at all, for such things sometimes Interfere with domes- tic felicity. Scab is smart, bright, handsome, eloquent, another boy orator who will make the “welcome ring,” as a popu list said in the convention. They wanted him bad or Alley wouldenthave let him bring hi* plank in with him. Seal) carries that prohibition plank under his arm and when he stops to rest he lays it down ami stands on it. It is a good plunk, but parties are afraid of It. An anti-prohibition lead er in our town says it’s nil right, for they have a dispensary in every town where a feller can get purer whisky at a lower price. There is another plank about the state providing free school books. That is the best vote-catcher in the platform, for, as Sam Jones says, paternalism Is run mad and al most every poor man in the land, white or black, wants the govern ment to support him and cdti- > cate ids children. It takes an average of $*> a year for books for each pupil and there are 1 Ml,000 on the rolls and that makes $750,000 a year for books. Well, of course, no sensible man like Scab will stand on such a plank as that. It is only a little molas- irs spilled out tOMtch flies, and H will jnich ’em. It will get every darky in tills town and some of the white folks, for it is a fact that the people are tired of buying new books. Scabcnn straddle that plank. Xu fact it ought not tube expected of a candidate to cover the whole platform. No man can build a platform that will pleaac every mem ber of the party. There arc many men of many minds and we all want as much latitude and longitude in politics as in anything else. Scab knows that neither he nor the platform lias any j sower to furnish schoolbooks and that the legislature will never commit such an outrage. The public treasury is a thing to be sucked, but property Is go ing down, down, and of course the tax rate must go up, up, up to realize the necessary money for running the state and now our taxes are a serious burden on the people. Another catching plank Is the promise to the school-tcnchers. There arc now over ■0,000 of them and they want their money, and ought to have It promptly whether it is in the treasury or not. If every teacher can control his own vote and one other that will make 10,000 or 12,000 on that line. Hut the plank against railroad passes is n bail one. Every lawmaker and public official likes to have a free pass. It magnifies a man’s importance and flatters his conceit and rides so easy. The lawmakers ♦ill never them. On the contrary, the tendency of legislation is to increase their pay and their privileges. The last congress voted a clerk to every member. This thing of picking and hawking nt the railroads has got to be a chestnut anyhow, and a healthy reaction has set In. If the railroad commission doesent understand railroading in nil its com plicated details Mr. Thomas docs, and so docs my friend Joe M. Brown. His late reply to Mr. Crenshaw was not only admirable, but unanswerable. I heartily enjoyed It, and so did all im partial men. You can’t pick up a pol itician out of the woods and make a good railroad commissioner out of him. It takes a long railroad educa tion to fit a man for that office. But why should Scab Wright chal lenge Gov. Atkinson, or vice versa? What issues are there between them? Upon what great principle do they differ? Atkinson has made a good gov ernor; so will Scab if elected; so would a thousand others I could name, one of whom I am which, and so I am con tent. Let the procession proceed.— Bill Arp, in Atlanta Constitution, IT WAS NOT A MIRACLE, The Rain In n Tooth stopped and the Cavity PiMPponrud, A short time ago some Brooklyn peo ple were discussing “isms" of various kinds, from which they branched off into mirnclca. One of them toid the following story: • "Sjx>aking of miracles, you nil know Mrs. S , und you all know that she is a believer in Christian science. A year or so tigo Mrs. S waa troubled with a most, excruciating toothache,and was using various toothache r» medic* to al lay the pain. One of Iier friends, willing to laugh a little at her expense, said: ‘How ctm you have the toothache? Why don’t you deny the ache and the cavity and all the rest of the business? There is no such thing In what you pro fess to believe us pain. Deny the error and it will flee from you.’ “Far from being angry at this, Mrs. R thanked her friend for bringing her back to her principles nml said she would deny tho pain, the cavity and all the rest of it. The toothach passed away and time passed on until nearly n year hud passed, when the man who had laughed at the Christian science asked her one evening how her toothache was. Slu* said she did not know. Rho had de nied the ache and the cavity and nil the other errors and she had really been freed from her pain, since which time she had thought little or nothing of the cavity. Then she took a handglass and looked for the envity. It was gone. There was a solid, sound tooth in the place of the decayed one of the year be fore.” There was a doubter present who walked the earth in the shape of n T>. D. R. At this moment the doctor of dental urgory came into the story with the re mark: "Gh, yes; there ore u number of such instances. I have met them in my practice; so hove most dentists. But it is a jjcirfectly natural operation, The medidpc ^hut yopr friepd put in her tooth most likely pllnycd tho jxiln, ]>os- sibly killed the nerve, so she Ind no occasion to think of her tooth. There is a calcareous deposit in the saliva that forms what Is commonly known as tar tar on the teeth. People usually keep tlie teetli freed from this deposit. But! have met with n number of instances where, ns in the ca«e of Mrs. R , the calcareous matter was deposited In a envity, not disturbed, and by and by it completely filled the bole. When I en counter one of these operations in na ture’s dentistry I always leave it alone." —N. Y. Tribune. GOOD HEALTH. Tkuru Is No Oroator Blessing This Side the Tomb. n«t, S*y* Hum Jones, There Aro Worts Thin x* Than Sick ns,s - Tho Doty of the Btromr Toward the Weak. rrlticeis Maud and a Ktrnet Arab. A London paper says that some time ago Princess Maud went shopping strictly incog. While she was walking along the street she was accented by a Pttle street Arab, who was the happy possessor of a pair of large, pathetic brown eyes and a tangled crop of curly brown hair. IIo was busily engaged in tho absorbing task of <-arning hi* living (and perhajis some one else’s us well) by retailing "fresh spring flowers, pen ny .. nee a bunch.” The princess stopped by him and white ehooslpg some flowers she wo* a little startled by the lad saying iq an excited and fa miliar whisper: '‘It’s all right, mis". I know yer, but X’ll keep it dark and won’t split on yer.** The prineess smil ingly shook her head in denial. "Yes. I do knows yer" (more emphatically); “yer Princess Mawd; I t wigged yer di rectly." Chicago News. Tin' iiheral majority in the Nova Beotia legislature has voted down n proposition to make Dominion day n holiday in the schools of the province. There in no greater blessing this side' the tomb than good hen I tli. There may , be worse tilings than sickness. D’.s-' 1 honor, the loss of character, the dis ruption of home ami the breaking of j the hearts of those who love us; these an* worse 1.1inn v sickness. Act ill* true that sonic of those who enjoy the best of health make our most consummate vagalionds and most useless citizens; while in some cases the invalid, those who have never known what vigor and good health was, have been giants in usefnines* and accomplishment*. Very few people are well all the time. More than half of the human raeo are sick or in pain nearly all the time. A person oier 40 years of age with perfect health is hard to find. The sick lieds and ach ing liodics nml invalid chairs can lie found on every street, and frequently in almost every house. Itls either fa ther or mother, son or daughter, who is physically unable to boar the pain or endure the pressure. “We thn4. are strong ought to bear the infirmities of Jhe weak.” No finer trait in strong mnnliooiMbm-fUat which becomes a support to those who TJC^d. support. How belples* the *ick are! HoiVditGe sympathy they get from the world! On lightning express, on trolley cars, driving or walking, a thousand times a day we may pass the home where suf fering is, without a thought of the lone ly suffering inmate within. Lately I have sat itesidc loved ones who seemed near the grave. How helpless they were and how helpless I was to help them! Comfortis 1 could give them, but nl downy bed is hard to one who has Inin there long. The most dainty food nau seous, the most effective remedies pow erless. How stubborn disease is! How sleep the hill we pull ns we come back from sickness to health; from weak ness to strength! An aged mother in her invalid chair or confined to her room, how she deserve* our sympathy and kindness! We cannot do too much for her, for when we were heipleas she did all for ns. A suffering invalid wife—the highest type of manhood i* shown in the tender care and patient watchfunoss of the husband ns he watches and waits by her side. Not only the ties of blood shall control us here, but he is a' neiglilior indeed who is first to the bedside of the suffering one across the street or down tlie way. A friend in need is a neighbor indeed. We need others’ help when we cannot do for ourselves. The well neg lect the sick; the strong neglect the weak; the rich neglect the j>oor; Uic prince neglects the pauper. What a benediction an institution like Johns Hopkins’ hospital, of Baltimore, and the various institution* of other cities to care for the sick and weary. I •mil with pleasure whatever institution and whatever hand is extended to help the suffering, to cure the sick and pro tect the weak. Only’ when sickness comes to our own home, only when we suffer ourselves, or those whom we love ootter than ourselves suffer, an* we drawn towards the sick, or brought to realize how unsympathetic we have been towards the world about us. You frequently hear the strong and vigor- ms one say, I am no nurse, I am of no account about the sick. It is a shame on anyone to make such a declaration, for it is a confession of selfishness which disgraces the author of such words. I have known strong, vigorous women who never lend a helping hand about a sick bed. I have known invalid wom en who were angels of mercy by the bedside of the sick and th« dying. There is more real pleasure in the life of such an invalid than in the life of 1,000 vigorous women and men who an: not conscious of having done a single kindly deed to others. King David said that it was good for him that he had been afflicted. I have no doubt whatever that it was good for others that he was afflicted, for it made him more kindly to the af flicted and more helpful to others in distress. AVe should be ready to visit and •will ing to help and anxious, to relieve every ease of distress in the world. Lot those whose eyes run over this article ask themselves the question— have I done right toward those who suffer about me? Let every husband with an Invalid wife; every son with nn invalid mother; every’ brother with an invalid sister; every neighbor with a sick neighbor, say’, I will be more use ful to those who need me and more helpful to those who need help in the coming days of my life. It is bad to be yoor, but to be sick and poor; It Is bad to be helpless, but to be helpless and poor; it is bad to suf fer, but to suffer and be neglected— these things bring the frowns of God ujxm men and make life unendurable. Let us be ready to do a kindness, re membering that little words of kind ness, little deeds of love, will make thla world an Eden like the one above. BAM P. JONKS. Flrst-UlAM Notices. One of the strangest freaks in news paper editing was indulged in a few years ago in a midland town. The edi tor of a new evening paper wrote a leading article two columns In. length and placed a footnote at the end of tho effusion stating that it was not his in tention to inflict such a long leading article on the renders again. Ho faith fully kept his promise. The paper has not appeared since, fiotoetlmostheedi- for introduces a delicious bull into his lending article. On a northern daily, not long ago, he w rote a short lender on Thomas Monek Mason and aagely re marked: "Though the name of Thomas Monek Mason wa* once familiar enough to tho English public, the iinnounee- ment of his death will lie the first in- timatlpn of hi* birth to thousands of readers,"—Gentleman's Magazine. Am A0t HaangI* "When it aoiaas to art okcow Sient," said the picture hook, "I thin* I may modestly assert that a great deal depends upon me." "Pooh," said the gimlet. "You youf^, self arc absolutely dependent upon tlM* picture molding. Now, I—” “Dear, dear,” cried the screwdriver, "what a bore you are. Not one of you! can compare in an artistic senso with! my friend, the corkscrew, who is absent ! this evening attending nn opening on the avenue." “Why, what does he know of art?” repeated the screwdriver, scornfully. "You probably forget that he learned to draw while a mere infant, and that he has an unsurpassed pull in nil well- regulated studio*. What doe* he know of art, forsooithf"—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Pfanzhelmcr's Philosophy. Borne mens dey vish dure vlves vould rare der trousers yust so dey notice dot some buttons need to be sewed on, al- retty once, ain’t it? Der young Indy vot she haf no new dress to go ouid mlt Rundays donn’d care n leedlc bit If it rains all der day. Der man vot he git* by himself tipsy Is always surbrised because be t’ought he could stand a great deal more. Der politician’s fence is cheneraliy a hedge. • Nowadays vc see a groat deal of der vomens, especially py der seashores, vane dey go in bathing py der morn ings, rare bloon\ers py der afternoons und low necks py der.evenings. ferstny? "Der bisoocle haf come to stir," as der river said ven der reel sunk in it* muddy bottom.—N. Y. World. No it York Hotels. "Where are you staying?” was the ab rupt question put by the manager of a Broadway .lotel to an old friend whom he met by chance the other day. “Oh, I’m hanging out with friends at Mount Vernon,” was the reply. "Well, coma down to our house,” .-:uid the hotel man, "and help us to make a good showing. It won’t cost you a cent for a month or so, anyway." I am told thatsome of the best hotels are not at all averse to renting va cant rooms for one dollar a day to any person whowill agree to keep them until the fall rush come*. Neither the clerk* nor the cooks are overwork(*d at pres ent.—N. Y. Letter. Th« Children's Delight. The "all-dny sucker” is not on indi vidual, but a piece of candy that costs one cent, and, us its name Implies, gives joy to the sucker for 24 hours. In some instance*, where the suction is not too ft nse, an “all dayer” has been known to lust a week, and this on the affidavit of the buyer. The oomjxjsition of this bit of confection is a profound mystery, but it is surmised that small pebbles arc In fused with glucose ami then dyed all color* of the rainbow, which, of course, add to the rapture of the consumer.— Boston Herald. Forcible Borrowing. Sympathetic Visitor (to prisoner)— My good man, what has brought you here? Facetious Prisoner — Borrowing money. “Hut they don’t put ix*ople in prison for borrowing money?” “Yes, i know; but I had to knock the man down three or four times before he would lend it to me.”—Washington Times. Hint to the Ptirson. “The reason women don’t go to church,” declared the man in the rear row of chairs nt the ministers’ meet ing, “is that you don’t preach to women. Women are not interested in politics. Why don’t you preach now and then about spring lints, or making bread, or even the Gospel, if you don’t understand those other subjects?”—Detroit Trib une. A Trifle Karly. Rally Gay—Did he kiss you, dear? Dolly Swift—Yes; but oh. I was so mortified! I kissed him first! “Goodness! What made you do that?” “Why, you see, I thought he was go ing to kiss me n moment or two beforo he really did, and I accidentally got ahead of him.”—Harper's Bazar. A I’ttmlly Resemblance. • Dr. Balsam—Your boy favors you greatly, Mr. Hillside—that is, takes after jou. Farmer Hillside—He’d favor me more, doctor, ef he’d only obey me. He don’t take after me; but I tell you his mother takes after him whon lie don’t toe tho mark she chalks for him.—Harper’* Bound Table. j A R*re Find. "I cannot play on a single instrument and don't know one tune from another,” said the prettiest girl at the hotel. "Are you open to an engagement?” asked a voice in her ear. “I am an agent for a museum of freaks, and we haven’t any thing in our show to compare with you.”—Detroit Free Press. HacceRHful PhyKlcinnH. Do*, or’s Wife—I understand that Dr. (.'iireali confines himself strictly to of fice practice. Gld Doctor—Yet; that is why he suc ceeds. People who are able to walk to nn office are strong enough to get well without help.—N. Y. Weekly. Junk the Reason. “Wc lost our hired girl to-day. My wife fired her for riding a bicycle.” i "Why, your wife rides a wheel hcr- gelf, doesn’t she?” “Ye*. That U the reason she doesn’t want the girl to ride one.”—Cincinnati Enquirer. A Compliment, Indeed. 11c—I’m going to pay you the highest compliment a man can pay a woman. Bhe—This is so sudden. “I know it, but I cuino away without my pocket book—can you lend me a dol lar until to-morrow?” -N. Y. World. Resented. Harry—What girl was that you ha't in tow last evening? Willie (indignantly)—What yon ara ph ased to cull tow is usually spoken of by people of culture us blonde tresses.— Household Words.