The ledger. [volume] (Gaffney City, S.C.) 1896-1907, January 16, 1896, Image 3
THE WEEKLY LEDGER: GAFFNEY, S. C„ JANUARY 16, 1896.
DOWN by PANTHER.
Mighty “Gonfusionment” Ov©
Ono Lost Man.
till tho tii('n coubl ; in; him in nnd put TT^ WILL BE SETTLED. bimsolf to Mr. Cloreland’s policy. I
him to hod. T Li i. iiliu facts in the i ; don’t liko that. I have never seen Mr.
ca<*o didn’t h ak • u' till the next day. i Olnoy, but his picture in tho last Re
but ul.. nth n, V. d d ;Mt started it Arp Interested in the Disputo Over view of Itoviows looks bellifforent. He
CHAPTER ON DISEASES.
Aant Newton ‘'Sprradln of the
News"—I.lao KuiuifW Drunk nmi Down
for ( liristinii.—Th* Wltdkins Itoy*
A1h(1i‘ Doll liagi mid (.au I’ntchin
Out of llin Hrreclics—X«w
Tear Hesnlutlon*.
(Copyriglit, 1^98.)
On the third day of January, Some-
Spheres aloiitf in the shank of theevenin.
1 was down to tho lot flddliu and fool in
fcround amonpst tha stock, when lo and
behold I he ard
£ ' '' 1 c
ti. i 4
Ti A-va- - >—■ »-
Spread 1 Ice i Hr.' in th<* piney woods
before a liitrii wind in M arch.
“T th mighty
and hound lo b u’c out. Rufus, and I
never could se(* \\i, r"in it ousflat tc
htirl an; ,** sa N mey as sha
went down into h< r thanky bajf and
came forth \vi h u::■ h r pipe load ol
smokin to a co. ‘•’i h jdain truth ll
th.it tw of ti c \V. .Icins i.oys had like-
i ■ to town tho day before
Venezuelan Boundary.
nm Stadlet G«<i(rapliy —Mr Find* That
Great Britain I* a Very Great Country.
Bat Will Submit to Arbitration.
C11 r i s; 11
Mil
a very familious
fuss and caddin
poi n on at tho
house. And in
the midst of the
pem-ral confu-
sionment I like
wise also caught
the smell of a
pipe -strony
and clear and
sear chin. I
Could tell from a distance off that it
was one of these old clay pipes what
you read about, and not right new and
fresh by a whole tremeudius big lot.
“Aunt X iney Newton, by tho twelve
epistles,” says 1 to mys'-lf, and then
presently when I returned back to the
house bless gracious Aunt Nancy »Uw
was there.
\
th oy
leniv s. A
pass that u
retu;nin i
found old :
down aloii
as I can r
been boys : i
blessed bit
At any a
mount' d Hid
tiiere and 11
they woiii'i
I/Ige li nu
did and m. A
out of old in.
what tho
in ust ol
all aioun
out a: 1:1
uid -1 other things
- t i.iio new pocket
d on t!.:; day It come to
il - t t.i \\ l.nns boys was
i : home from town they
drunk and
moil t'
in i
it a!
n
•'Sprr.oUii of th* News."
"I am now about tho most idlest
Woman in the round created world per
haps,” says Aunt Nancy to mo and
mother that night afti r supper.
I had built on a roarin big fire—a rog-
lar shin-roaster, you understand—and
with her p.pe runuin on full time the
dear old lady warmed up to the subject
powerful.
“Tho hog.: are killed and tho lard
fried out and the sausi rigors st uffod and
the meat hung up. Christmas is over
with and it’s most too soon for gard- run,
So I took my pipe and thanky bag and
put on my bonnet and lit out. Whereas
I am now jest naturally on tho pad,
Rufus—visit.n aroiiid and spreadin of"
the news. I ain't nu tell tale tattler, and
you will never retie m >er the day when
Nancy Newton wnt trap>in through
tho country pr !dli 11 out srandalations.
Rut I am a wo uan—a plain female
woman—and in u.l of your born days
you never saw one of them sort that
didn't love to hear the news and tell it.
“And tha 's 1
turn up mis-dti :;i
coniusiomii' at ,
Wln u be c me 11
light the n xt i
many rents in hi
travcilin along 1
fit t "ii to go home,
down there in the
struck < amp. N < ;
been r g ttier i
the sc 1:1 eiii' iit h .d
hiinti d liiiii d ,wn.
have seen u yseif ll:
fill goo I pair of
smooth cut throi 'i
with ev ry ii.r ad v .
and till m i r ,ji.c
the Wad .iris 1: s li
their new pe ,.i t .
Ligi ’s bre 'lies.
“And th t’s itov. r
for tin ■ d and
how com ii w , ■ i ;
till in got.. v..
Lig< di iu’t u w
I have jost received a letter from the
editor of The Australian Agriculturist,
that is published at Sydney, in that far
distant land. This letter has traveled
more than half around the world for 5
cents and is worth 85 to me, for there is
comfort in It. I had never heard of
him, but aotnehow or other he has been
heating from me through the press, and
So far back say. be just felt like responding out of undented,
the abundance of his goodwill for the
South. *T am an Engli.hman," says
he, “but all my heart was with your
people in their great struggle. Robert
E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson were my
heroes. I was living in England then
and I made a Confederate flag and hung
It over the mantle, and when your final
surrender came I draped the fiag with
crape and it is still hanging where 1
left it."
Well, of course, my unknown friend
wrote this letter beforo tho late rup
ture, but I hope there will ho no war
just for bis sake. His long letter is full
of information about that wonderful
country, and even tells how they
whipped the rabbit fight and now make
the pest profitable by shipping the meat
in refrigerator chambers built in tho
vessels. The pelt is also transported
to foreign ports.
U u n n
road.
;.\s 1, vc always
W . ik . cs ain’t a
i other people.
W , icins beys dis-
n light then and
f • d notion that
me fun out of old
::t ' o work they
: u a patch in
i cues. From
d ::m say, they
.i; ‘ ay window.
.;. ti rally took
.a .".ion* at tb.
,y come old Lige to
r s >;;ch a ternblo
.. St. t ie neighbors.
n •'s about day-
rn.n t. ere was too
i: for h i in to bo
n. He want
“Tho main 3t
news that ha
bi.ig in the
tc 'k pltcn in the
way of
Ranther
Creek settleip- nt in durin the Christ
mas so far as 1 know was the scandlous
scrape which old man Ligo Runnels
backed his fool sell' into. It can't do us
no harm f n* me to give out the facts up
hero I reckon, cause everybody down
there has heard about it, and even to
tho children they are spreadin of tho
news.
“Anyhow, old man Lige he went to
town the day before Christiuis. and
naturally o ch;i a he w idl'd ri.'tit .n
and got drunk. T at night he come up
missiu. and tie r-'uiained missin for
three whole days and nights hand run-
nln. Now as to old man Lige, you all
know him, and 1 don't havi to eome all
the way up hero to t'dl you that ho
ain't worth his room in this world nor
in tho future hereafter. Rut his folks
can’t help that, and the people in the
settlement got sorry for them in tie-ir
great trouble and worriment on account
of tho old man turnin up lost. Nobody
didn't know what had went with him.
People In town saw him when he started
off towards home, which fie had then
climbed up around more hustbead wnis-
ky than he could tote without wobblin
considerable. R'-n Chris Weaver met
him over there at tho Wolf Creek bridge,
which at that writin it took his level
best to stay on his mule, and about first
dusk the mule raeked up to tho lot gate
with tho saddle and bridlo on. Rut old
man Lige he h..d fell off somewberes by
io wayside and come up missin.”
rV Ito i tilt* Loot VVilrt Found*
Liiex' day i a- Christmas day.
certainly everybody was too
yv bavin a good time to ;
•onceruin Lige Runnels,
lowin day after that it
io third day the old
and the settle-
got powerful had
iti on. All the
jut in to burn
till they
goodness,
iafoot in
for that
women
is place
IwAdder
i lie v.
Table
pis, so
after
consi i( . n
that t i n * *
what moil
That
Panther '■
to tell y
Nancy L..
The l' 1 arn
com t"jet
day night,
that was ii
follow in .V
Resol ved.
arid ft ilow-
geu ra 1 •
n t
iv .
ii hacked out Since receiving his letter we have
P<ro fii ket and been studying geography and tho cydo-
.:) e would of
i if the la.n in
irned out and
from what I
i takes a pow.»-
s to make a
.. made jean.
. w ; rp and woof
. r i - how come
try :!io mettle of
:u.i , on old m.n
u • he* old man lost
and that’,
tat n hack horn.
. n. Old man
. i !■ a .,'d out i.
■ the devil-
:. mad about
.ry papers
y i arrested,
t week, and
at home by
..'■ep up with
pass.”
a we got from
’ .inid take a book
'.s that Aua!
rs' Ciui
•n
MjlV C
gOO l '
lit' Ii
,!vi
fo
ll-
and
got |
but
nor l
Re
of toil
tongue.
ally a b
ReSO,
WOll 1(1
the gonebyI
lot.
Resolved, T'oit
ernnient will ht
do pur level hi :i
(]uestion of In a i
Re:.oh( 1, . ii •
corn ai.d le .ad
Res dv. A. A t
soi> •: ind vii
happy.
TIP3 A CJ
A monnr lit tot
man (colored) \ ill
more.
It is not ;r r ml
wife of Sir i a ' >
ttnibar i.dor ii ( ;
lad v
■.IiU•
l..
Td mr
folk-
went on
Tds and drov
lich was lost, w a
ks got together at tu
to com fort an! i onsole wit
and the oriili..nt.s. an ■ wui* f<
“The sun l i; w , swingin 1
low down ' ov*... di i'., stern!
to speak, when the men oine ha
the mule and wagin. They Lad found
old man Lige bid out in a pme Ihii'Ri.t,
in th" old fields down there on th.s sido
of Wolf Cre It, iiat from what thiv
they couldn't hr ng him on homo with
out a wagin to h ,ul him in. I n 0 jj j t
on myself to g • oui amongst tiie n l( . n
folks and ask Ren Chr s Weaver if ^ ( ,
was well or sick. crip;iled or dead. |t,. n
Ciiris ri spoiidei hack to me that ho was
well, an i neither sick nor cripnb d Iut
dead. Rut at the -am- time they
couldn't firm r him tion o witliout ijj••
wagin. 8* trey hook<dupthe mule t 0
the w. n aid pilled out, leav n tip.
and t fie rest of tin v. m n folks in outOp
dirkness as to what was what and wli^
Was who,
“It was j st about sundown when,
they conn b c.. and old man Lige v.as
sottiu up there ;u tin* w.iglli as liig a* 1
life and cuHsin mor ■ o rrildo tlian a
stage driver rua-.iii somebody we
Couidu'i t« ll who, for everything bo
Could lav li is tongue to. The \v rn n
folk* then hid out on tho hack porch i
Thor
V.i
pedia* about England and her posses
ion*. Compared with Or at Britain’s
dominions tho United States is a small
affair. Australia is as largo as our
whole country. Then, there are hun
dred. of islands in the Ihicific Ocean
that belong to her and she has territory
away down in the antarctic regions.
Site owns ibig slice off of South Africa,
where the gold and diamonds abound.
She virtually owns Egypt and the
Nubian country. She lias about as much
territory in North America as we have—
and she controls the commerce of sev
eral South American States. H r mer
chant aariae is more than that of all
other notions put tog<'ther, and yet tho
powers that goveru and direct it all at
London make but little noise about it
and don't brag half as mu li a. wo do.
Tha British can’t whip i;> over her ',
of course. They have tried it twice
and foiled. Neith' r could we whip
England over there, but they are a won
derful people and make the w .rld pay
tribute. No wonder they have got so
much money. They own abou: oite-
silth of the land area of the world and
half the oommerce of these.is. They have
160,009,000 subjects in India alone—four
tlaoo as man/ as we have people n tho
Ctited States. And over ml tie's • coun
tries .lid Island* and ^overiitnent- they
appoint Englishmen to fill ail the ufli-
000 wnd foitrn ou the s;,oil,.
It 1. well enough for ns all to stoly
geography ag aln and reft'i'Sii ourselves
about England. Our b-st ait" •.*::•/ came
taom there and wc have r assu to he
proud of it. Weareproul of our own
country a»d our re| ubiican gov rument
aod our wonderful progress, but some
how or other we t av • not yc. been able
logetaloegwithouiKu. sii money. Not
only our government ho id ; go there for
tho cash but all our great railroads Lave
hod to get the mom y from Fugland to
•Id in their construed in. So it ir*, in
Mexico aad Ouatemila and Rrazil.
England 1. our cb ef banker and tho
New York bank - ar<- otiiy her brokers.
Now wo do not su; pos • th it England
will goto far as to fig .• f r • at land in
Veaeouola, but will in;uaily submit
to arbitration. This is ,.ivory repeat-
lag iti-olf. Wo had a long quarrel with
her about our northeast rn boundary
and both .id* s male a b g how of fight
a»d perhaps would have f ght hut for
the eounaol and high < ii.ir «!(•:• of Ran'iel
Web.tor. He and Lord Ashi.urton s-t-
tlod it awd the jingoegon net:; sides bad
to hush up and ai quiesce. I reinetnh. r
well when dur.ng Picsident I’o k's day
We had another rupture about the line
through Oregon. We cia med all that
coontry, including Vancouver island,
.nd the political w ar cry was ‘'54-40 or
is the fight." But we dident figbi, nei ■tier did
.1 as Violet wo get up to that i n.' by several inin-
dred miles. Mr. McLane and Lord
a survivor of Aberdeen settled it at forty-nine. There
• i r de. Lib y ore gem rally two sid( a to all such qm s-
i > ister, is tlons and th" sober-thinking old men
looks smart, but if he was a dog lie
would bite. Maybe ho has been impru
dent in his correspondence. At all
events tho sober, reflective people of
these United States are not going to ho
carried away by a war cry. They an:
going to discuss the matter calmly.
The argument is not exhausted.
But what’s tho matter with The Mail
and Express? What made it flop so
suddenly? It has been our most viru
lent and spiteful enemy for years, and
now all of a sudden wants one of our
patriotic ex-Confederates on the com
mission, and names Gordon and Morgan
and Hampton and Daniel and others.
It uses adjectives on us and call* us
patriotic and
speaks of the valor of the Southern Con
federacy. What is going to happen?
The New York Sun slided into praise
and compliment by degrees. It wa* a
month or two on the road, but The Mail
and Express got ahead of Dana in one
day. That’s all right if it sticks. Tho
New York Press moves very slow in
that direction. Its editor says wo
needn’t feel that we deserve to have our
disabilities removed, for our crime is
just as heinous and traitorous today as
it was when we committed it, and it is
only out of grace that we have been
civilly pardoned. Ho cautions us to be
humble and thankful. How is that as
a peacemaker? But wc still have hope.
Let them come over ono by one if they
can’t all come at once.
“While the lamp holds out to burn
The vilest sinner may return.”
Now. let us go to work and build up
our navy and fortify our coasts. Let us
dig that great canal at Nicaragua and
fortify it like a Gibraltar. Let the
whole nation s.ttJ© down and quit quar
reling. 1 wish that tho constitution
was changed so that the president could
hold office for ten con veutivo years and
so a tariff, when it was fixed, should
stay fixed for twenty years. The nation
is tired of these changes and political
agitations. They ar.- fun to the poli
ticians but death to the people.—Bill
Arp, in Atlanta Constitution.
Jost What They Wnnfefl.
The editor of the Chump Book
haughtily waved his hand.
*T tell you we do not care for it,” he
repeated in a lofty tone.
Thoy Aro of Two Kind', :hr> Phys
ical aud tho Montal.
Sam ,tones Think* the Majority of Web
Are Suffering from III* of the l.att*
Order—No .Sympathy for tb*
Hypochondriac.
COPYRIGHT. 18y«
Man is wonderfully and fearful
ly made. Somebody has said it is
straaige that a harp of a thou
sand strings would stay in tunc so
long. But after all sonic of the strings
are always out of tuue iu the mental or
physical man, and sometimes the worst
deformities are apparent in the moral
man. I know not how many diseases
afflict men, as to their number or viru-
lency. Most men think that unless they
are attacked by cholera, yellow fever,
typhoid fever or small pox, their
cHances for life are pretty good. But
did one ever think how few of
the race, comparatively, die with
either or all of these diseases?
Epidemics of these diseases car
ry off a few hundred, but it is sel
dom that an epidemic breaks out in any
community, and then it is coufined
largely to a community.
1 heard a gentleman say to his wife
the other day that site had studied the
almanac with special reference to the
peculiar diseases that afflict mortals,
and that she had come deliberately to
the conclusion that she had them all;
and 1 have no doubt but that many of
the physical ills in life are traceable to
the knowledge of diseases given by the
pages of a patent medicine almanac. I
have seen a few people who seemed
to enjoy their infirmities and look upon
their martyrdom as deserving a crown.
Their infirmities seemed to be their
strength, and their weaknesses their
(tower.
Very few men or women we meet
these days tell us in answer to our ques
tion “How is your health,” ”! am per
fectly well.” Almost everybody has
something, and something seems to
have almost everybody, either by hoof
or horn, snout or tail.
I believe that assafortida is the (test
ivmedy for a large majority of the ills
of life. I know some persons whom I
think ought to take a pound a day on an
average. Woe be to a man the day he
finds out he has got a liver! He will
“But,sir.” ph aded the (>oor but strug- i j l, ntp on it with both feet and pound the
faithful, effective doctor i. not only
necessary but ofttimes able to cure the
trouble. After all, I believe in the faith
cure. Many a fellow has tried the
doctor for years and got no better and
then determined to try the faith cure
and quit taking patent medicines and
decoctions of all sorts, and his system
rallied under the new regime and he
got well. If this is not the faith cure,
what is it? It was his faith in his faith
that stopped him from taking the de
coctions, and the stopping of the taking
of the decoctions cured him. When an
old hypochondriac is settled and con
firmed in his troubles, if he is ready to
go it will be a blessing to his friends
to see him off. When a fellow makes
up his mind that he is so terribly dis
eased that he never can be well any
more the sooner he goes to a public
hospital and puts up, or gets his wings
aud leaves the world, the better it will
be. I sympathize with the sick who
are really sick, but having been an
hypochondriac once myself I have
nothing but ridicule, confirmed, for
them. The only remedy for an hpyo-
choudriac is common sense, and some
of them haven’t got the remedy; there
fore they will never get well of the dis
ease. To every fellow that has been
diseased for years and hasn’t died, my
advice to that class is: Quit taking
medicine and do well a year and see
if you won’t enjoy it. But 1 doubt if
they will.
The Bible says: “The spirit of a maa
Mistaineth his infirmity.” Homer
said: “Death shall overtake the cow
ardly-hearted." Shakespeare said:
“Cowards die many times before their
death, but the valiant never taste of
death but once.” Sam P. Jones.
PRINCESS METTERNICH.
glitig author, "if you do not accept my
article then iiriced 1 ant lost, fora!
ready it has been rejected by every
®thcr publication in the country.”
"Is that so?” cried the editor with
awakened interest; “then let me have
it instantly!"
Whereupon it appeared in the very
•ext issue of the Chump Book, necom
punied by two hid! tinguishable illus
trations by Weirds ley. the celebrated
•oatortionkst.—N. Y. Recorder.
. tti' nllirlon*.
iif Ro"ky Creak
••tin Satur-
busines.
ii il up th.
i litmus:
plain folks
- nd let the
. f fit can.
h'i: all right
<>;>;<■ that have
■ poor kinnery,
h" feed bills
■ baby.
;iy-!iandeJ son
i as tho borny-
mst. in geoer-
'.'.rrncr that
<> politician is
1 m the whole
noral gov-
•.vn u- it's we will
■ ■t the great
in it.
•ill raise mors
honest and
(jit ntially
S \nunits.
!of a tt-ifiivay Tratn.
boy who was brought up
flret
A count*;
In a remote region of Scotland bad oc
casion to a company his father to a
village near which a branch line of
railway pansc;; The morning after h!n
arrival, when sauntering in the garden
behind the house in which they were
staying, he beheld w ith wond. ring eyes
a train go by. For a moment he stood
staring at it with astonishment and
then, running into the house, he said:
“Fayther, fay titer, come oot! There’s
a smiddy ran off wi’ a row o’ houses,
an’ its awa’ doon by the back o’ the
town.”—London Telegraph.
An t'i:manly New Woman.
“What do you think?” exclaimed on*
tmaucipaled woman.
“I don’t know!” was the startled rs-
jolnder of another. “What do 1 ?”
“Our president. Miss Tomnsa Buoy,
has taken to smoking cigarettes,”
“What! We must impeach her at
once
life out ®f it. ami die at laxt from old
age and exhaustion.
Heart troubles are coming in for
their share these days. Everybody that
has palpitation of the heart from over-
eating. oversmoking or overdrinking
or overexertion conclude they have or
ganic heart trouble and are liable to
dropoff any minute. I know some peo-
p!e who have been expecting to die
hourly for nearly a hundred years, and
yet they still live, a nuisance in their
families and the laughing stock of the
community, (t is not very honorable
for men to die with heart trouble.
I.very old burnt-out whisky sot that
has died in the last 1.'; years from al
coholism. if lie dies with good clothes
on and belongs to a respectable family,
his disease is labeled “li "rt trouble,"
without any reference tc thingtbat
made itis heart fail.
Kidney trouble is multiplying these
hitter days, and it doesn’t take the
'h'tiin long to persuade himself that
he bus a genuine ease of Bright’s dis
ease. and lie dies many times before his
deal It.
Uatar, It. pleurisy, corns, sw lnneyand
"blind staggers” take off not a few
of our race, but they take them slowly.
Christian scientists tell us that it
is all in the mind—that if we think
we are well we are well. 1 suppose it
is true on the other sideof the question,
that if we tbiuk we are sick we are
tick. How much the mind acts on the
A hop Way-
•u d in Baltt-
>w n that the
i lie BritisR
• t
The idea of Iter doing anything body ’and the body counteracts on the
mind is a question which scientists
have not settled. But we know that
hypochondriacs have multiplied and
hysteria itself is a disease.
Like the balance of mortals, I have
suffered with hypochondria, and have
died many times, and yet I am still
living and a-kicking. I have suffered
from nervous dyspepsia, insomnia,
feebleness of mind and body both for
many years, and yet I weigh more to
day and w ork more than at any age of
my life.
Rut all these things make a living
for a large and honorable profession
known as doctors of medicine. Home
so unmanly!”—Washington fcitar
in a ItecGiurnnt.
“Look here, waiter, this plcc* •!
Cheese is moldy.”
The waiter looked at the piece of
cheese and perceived that it was really
green and blue on top, and did not look
nice. Taking it in his hand he turned
It upside down on the plate, so that th«
good ride was uppermost, and re
marked:
“There, that’s the way It belongs.
There is nothing the matter with it new*,
is there?”—Texas Siftings.
Smclltuif Gunpowder,
.Professor—Why, in making gun- | "ict, have been made millionaires out of
:il is in good
••'/lured) died
tin bouse •
: -i' of 104
that visinitf
: <z near Me-
c.n’t be earned off on a patriotic omo-
tlo*. We were all jingo‘s when wo
were young, butag" and ( xp< ricnce has
modified and niollith d our i isbness. It
was not the old men who got swamped
!• New York the oilier day when tho
war panic shook up Wall S:n et. It was
the young and tim d ami in- xpi ricneed.
i* j 11 * 1 Tie old men knew that panic woqjd
soon pass away. It was the young poo-
are
;i it
it Y
children, 14
! considered
that M etion.
ii. hns a big
y. lie is quite
1 among his in-
uicnt on the
ion trunk &ad
!s,
; !n •ical dlreetar,
j ; tnnasiuu
g", Lave tarr
fi in engwf-
ing matches,
r more likel/
- I, f il.
1 t, lecture*
a iiquary. On.
t bat “he * aJ-
• H m on Dart-
mi wbd lour-
: got ten doml-
• Id : > e the rqal
i oh register,
.at, uoout it by
pie who got panic-stricken in the Rtlti-
tnore theater the other night and wre
crushed to death. Wtu n I was young I
shouted “54-40 or fi*iit," aad hurrahed
for Polk and that shibboleth elected
hint, and now 1 don’t propose to hurrah
fof a fight until there is more reason
for it than I see now. In the first pluoo
powder, is saltpeter used as a cosa-
(toneut part?
Tom Aujerry—To make it smell bad,
I reckon, so the soldiers can say that
they smelt gunpowder. Pa is always
1 iragging abou 11he gun po\vd( r he smelt
during the war.—Texas Siftings.
Alas! For a l.a*v.
Alas! I’m in love and would marry:
I'm ready unite anxious to vfd.
And sinpl" no longer I'd ixrry,
I lontr to be double Instead.
But the oaths throuifh which Cupid has
led me
Have burdened my heart with reRret,
The gfj ls whom I’d have will not wed me.
Whil* I don’t want the ones I cun get.
—L. A. W. Bulletin.
Just His Lack.
“There’s no doubt that Jon"* killed
himself?”
“None whatever."
“\Vliat caused him to do it?”
"Be got a divorce from his wife on „
there are some very eminent men who Tuesday and on Thursday she fell L«ir humanit" would feel better in a week
patent medicine. The world has been
drugged and dosed and dosed and
drugged until half of humanity cannot
live without both. I have been then*
myself. For 15 years of my life I
ibought if I didn’t take alteratives, and
; so on. I would have a bilious attack;
and | have kept my system out of good
. working order two-thirds of the time
’ Irving to prevent the very thing that
I was bringing about. 1 said good-by
to medicines several years ago. and I
find cither total abstinence front eat
ing, or a very mild diet for a day or
♦ wo, is the best medicine a fellow ever
look for the common ills of life, lam
sorry for a fellow who has to take a
(till after each meal, or a solution or
j decoction of some sort every few hours.
| ills life is a burden, and he is a fool.
If cv« ry man would be his own doctor
and take as little medicine as the av
erage doctor gives himself the world of
declare that this is n«t a case where the
Monroe doctrine applies.
Professor Wolsey stands pre-eminent
for bis learning and he declares
th* Monroe doctrine La* qqtbing to do
with such a case, Whether it does or
not I canless tint my impulses are to
take Veneamda’s parr (<n gc»"ral prin
ciples. It is human nature to be for
the little dog in a fight—and my boys
are all fighting mad with England. It
look* to me though like tbi* commis
sion business was already cut and dried
and that no man will b" put on the com-
uaissioa who Las not already committed
to $*150,000!”—Chicago Record,
Another Controversy Hrcakd Got.
The Ear of Corn—When 1 get down
lo 15 cent:; a bushel I'm worth sout"-
tliing for fuel, uud you ain't.
The PotaUi—No. I’m only good for
food. They burn you in one part of
flic stove in order to bake me in the
oilier.—Chicago Tribune.
Sonirwhat I'liiiliMrniHBln*.
The tryLirest time fora mar., I ween.
And trials arc always a plenty,
Is when Introductioi s must pass between
lii.s second wife who Is seventeen
Ai.d his daughter who Is twenty.
I heard one of the oldest physicians in
my community say once that he ’uuln't
taken a dose of medicine in !10 years,
nit bough lie hud given thousands of
dose.s to others. I asked him what he
did when he got sick. Be. said: “I
quit eating.” A horse will do that; a
ling will do that. "The ox knoweth
bis owner and the ass his master’s
quid, but my (ample do not know; they
will not consider." said the Lord.
That there are really sick folks in
the world I readily assent.where skilled
phvsjcianH and wise diagnosis and
right remedies are effective. In fevers.
.JTifc A: W ‘ BuRcUa. j iu caaes oi pneumonia, and so on, the
Sh* Copied the Manner* of tlx* MMl®
Hull*.
In the Princes* Metternich was an
inexplicable mixture of innate high
breeding and acquired tastes of lower
degree. When she appeared in society,
at hei - very entrance there could be
no mistake; from bead to foot she was
the high-born lady — the “grande
dame.” Yet she had tin extraordinary
inclination for walking on the edges
of moral quagmires, and peeping into
them, with a proud conviction that her
foot could never slip. There are sto
ries of her imprudent adventures; but
she escaped unscathed, and had no
other motive in seeking them than
curiosity—foolish, morbid curiosity—
as to people aud matters which should
never have been ever mentioned in her
presence. She acted with a degree of
rashness and folly which would have
ruined most women, yet no one ever
really attacked her roputatidn; all al
lowed that, according to the expression
of a lady of the court, “site had never
crossed the Rubicon."
Notwithstanding all her follies, the
Princess Metternich v: s far from be
ing silly; on the eontr. ry, she had con
siderable wit and great sharpness of
repartee. As she did t ot care for any
thing she said, her retorts were often
very clever and amusing, but too free
to be easily repeated. She delighted
in singing songs from music halls and
inferior theaters. Haughty as she was.
she invited to her dinner table a singer
of equivocal celebrity at ’hat time,
whom no one else would have dared
to receive; and even took lessons from
her, so as to sing her songs with duly
pointed emphasis.
The mischief done by the example
of'Princess Metternich is indescribable.
Site threw down the barrier which hitll-
erto had separated respectable women
front those who were not, aud led the
way to a liberty of speech and liberty
of action which were unknown before.
She was much attached to her husband,
and. in essentials, was a good wife;
others less favorably situated may not
have escaped as she did from the nat
ural consequences of looking too close
ly over the frontier of the Debatable
Land. It is not unlikely that the ex
cessive pride of the Princess .Metter
nich may have led her to imagine that
in Paris she might do anything with
out compromising her dignity. For
instance, she was intimate with a lady
who, although received everywhere in
Parisian society, did not seem to be
sufficiently her equal in rank to become
her friend. To a remark on the sub
ject she carelessly answered: “Oh.
it is all very well here; of course I
could not see her in Vienna."
She is reported to have made si more
impertinent speech while on a visit at
Compiegne. The short, looped-up
skirts were just beginning to be worn;
the empress had not yet adopted them,
and the Princess Metternich had been
urging her to do so. against the opinion
of her ladies. When the empress left
the room one of the ladies in waiting
said to the princess: “WonI I you give
the same advice to your empress?"
“Oh, no." replied the princess; “but
the ease is quite different—tho Empress
Elizabeth is a real empress.”
I have no positive 'nformaGcu as to
the absolute reliability of this report;
but it is not unlike the style of Princess
Metternich. and was currently re
peated.
On another occasion at Compiegne,
in the presence of the empress, on a
rainy day which had brought som%
dullness into the circle. Princess Met-
ternieh, by way of diversion, suddenly
seized one of the ladies in waiting,
tripped her up in schoolboy fashion
and laid her fiat on her back, pros
trate on the floor. This was told to me
by an eye-witness of the scene, which
shocked everyone present, and the more
so because the victim chosen (Comtesse
de M ) was particularly ladylike,
quiet and unoffending.—Anna L. Bick-
nell, in Century.
Slow Itorovery.
“Were you ‘much benefited this year
by your stay at Saratoga?”
' “1 don’t think 1 am benefited much.
My health is so bad. and the improve-
ment 1 obtain each year is so small
that 1 am afraid I’ll die of old age be
fore 1 recover entirely."—Texas Sift*
l ings.
\