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1. la writing to this office on buinew always fire roar name and Poet office addreae 2. Bnainem letters and oommnnica- lions to be pnbHshed should be written 'on separate abeete, and the object of each clearly indicated by necessary note when required. S. Articles for publication should be Written in a clear, legible hand, and on e ily one side of the page. 4, All changes in advertisements must rath us m Fr'ady. VOL. VII. NO. 10. BARNWELL. C. H^S. C., THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 1883. $2 a Yeaf. Barnwell C. H.. S G. WHY WOMEN DRINK. INTBRBSTJNK HTAT1BTIC* CONCERN. INU THE NAME. IThaS a Female Phyalelaa has ta Say on ike habjecl. _ At the Social Science Association, in session at Syracuse, Dr. Grothers held that drunkenness is a disease rather than a vice. Dr. Hall, of the Massa- ehosetts Woman’s Prison, said that of the 204 cases examined by her 132 were committed to the prison for drunken ness, 56 for crimes against chastity ami public order, and 16 for crimes against property. Their ages when committed averaged thirty and one-half years. Twenty-seven began to use intoxicating drinks before they were ten years of age; 11 began between the ages of nine and fifteen years; 74 between fourteen and twenty-one years; 37 between twenty and twenty-six years; 33 between twenty- five and thirty-one years; 19 between thirty and forty-one years; and 3 be tween forty and fifty-one years. The Average age was eighteen and one- third yesnt'-- More than one-half had formed habits^ of intemperancebefore they were twenty- one years of age, ana more than one- third at the giddy ages between fifteen and twenty inclusive. Qne hundred and thirty-two claimed to have drunk socially and never other wise; 47 admitted that they loved the liquor which they drank; 11 gave trouble or anger as a reason for the indulgence; 14 were m to or less ill when they be gan, and I regret to state that in three instances it was alleged that the appe tite was awakened by the use of stimn- lants which hail been prescribed by n physician. In the other cases a mother, linsband, or some officious friend had recommended or urged their use as a medicine. One hundred and thirty-two began to drink with female friends, 28 with male friends (20 of the 28 were the husbands of the women), 3 with male and female friends together, and 7 alone. A few began by drinking beer in mill or shop while taking lunch with their com panions. When the indulgence commenced 114 were single, 72 married, 8 married hut separated from their husbands, and 10 widows. Fifty-eight were engaged in domestic service, 44 worked in mills, and fifteen in shops (usually shoe shops). One hundred and ninety-seven resided in the city, and 7 in the country. One hundred and twenty-eight began by drinking beer, 87 by drinking whisky (usually as punch at first); 20 began with wine and 8 with gin; 11 were una ble to remember the beverage first used. A large number averred that they fell Into habits of intoxication by first using a substance familiarly known os tonic. Ninety-one began to drink at their own homes, 49 at the houses of friends, and 64 at saloons. In conclusion, Mrs. Dr. Hass said she intended to call attention to a few prom inent facts, foremost of which was this: that in girls of the laboring classes habits of inebriety ore most likely to bo formed while they are still very young, and that, almost without exception, association is given as the cause. Ovef and over again the story is repeated: “I got to going with a girl, or a lot of girls, who drank, and so I got to drinking my self. I never should have drank, and I shouldn’t drink now, if it wasn’t for company.” That so many of oar work ing girls are becoming drunkards, drink ing openly at the bar of a saloon with their companions, is a most seriona mat ter, and points to a most degraded state of the social standards among them. Many of the married women who, liv ing in their own homes, formed habits of inebriety, did so by “neighboring” with each other, beer being brought in or sent for by one of their number who drank, and soon the indulgence became general One old female toper in i neighborhood may be Iboked upon as • common centre of contagion. EN VOYAGE. |i_y —— ■ Whichever way the wind doth blow, Some heart is glad to have it ao; Then blow it eait or blow it west, The wind that blows, that wind is best. My little craft sails not alone; A thousand fleets from every zone Are ont upon a thousand seas; What blows for one a favoring breeze Might dash another, with the shock Of doom, upon tome hidden rock. And so I do not dare to pray For winds to waft me on my way, But leave it to a Higher Will To stay or speed me, trusting still That all is well, and snre that He Who launched my bark will sail with me Through storm and calm and will not fail. Whatever breezes may prevail, To land me every peril past, Within big sheltering heaven at last. ■_ ... . . ' • Then, whatsoever wind doth blow, My heart is glad to have it so; And blow it east or blow it west, The wind that blows, that wind is best. Caroline A. Mason. HIE STORY OF A PRINCESS. BY KE8IAH SHELTON. A Secret. A Western postmaster has writ ten to the Post Office Department at Washington, as follows: “I desire to know whether, in case a suspected horse thief whose mail is accumulating in this office, shall write to me to forward it to him at another office, I will be jus tified in disclosing his address.” Judge Freeman, Assistant Attorney-General for the Department, is of the opinion that even in snob a case as this a post master must respect the confidential re lations between himself as an official and the patrona of his office, and must refuse to disclose any private informa tion received by him' in his official ca pacity. Is Extbact from a letter from Angelica: ‘Deary Henry, you aak if I return your love. Yea, Henry, I have no nse for it, and return it with many thanks. By-by, Henry." A Bad Gas*.—Anton Dum*. aged aix jean, a son of Mr. Joaiah Danaer, living in the mountain north of Port Jervia, N. Y., wae out in the havfield with the hired man. While neaf him the mail with one sjwaep of the a^fthe out both of the boy off above the aoUa. “King Lombard” was a title privately conferred upon the “super” of a prim factory village, that host type of the ancient monarchy. The super, u ife and children are the Royalty; the “upper help” the admiring courtiers; the “op eratives" are the peasantry who revile and sneer in private, and cheer loudly at all public appearances of the hated Royalty. Mabel Lombard looked upon the op eratives of her father’s mills as if she had been a being from a higher and better world and oonld have nothing in com mon with such as they. Yet they knew and felt it keenly that the Princess was nnlike those they had left in the old country; her father and mother had been, like themselves, poor, ignorant operatives. By hard manual labor they had reached the super’s throne; yet now they tanght their princes and prin cesses to ignore, if possible, if not, to do their next best, and snub the equally ambitions generation that performed now the like menial duties in “pa’s mill ” Super’s daughters always warble simper- ingly of pa'a milta! The Princess is twenty, unprovided for, and diplomatic pa and ma are look ing around among the sons of the own ers, deciding which they had best bestow the Princess upon. Strangely enough, the owners had other views, and nobler princesses took precedence of the Princess Lombard. ******* “Mabel, yon must look your very best to-day, and you’d better practice yonr new piece a lot this forenoon, for you must play it good to Fred Gilman; he’s coming to the mill and I told your pa to 1)0 snre and fetch him home to dinner. He’s the biggest catch in the whole ‘Company,’ and one of you girls mnst get him. You’ve the best right, os the oldest goods ought to be turned off first. You’ll be shop-worn soon. Don't you just think, Mabel, your pa heard that Mrs. Arkwright, up to Sneakville, up and went and dressed up that awful look ing Jane of hers one day last week, and invited all the owners and their families there to dinner. I never heard tell of such actions. When she marries off Jane to one of the owners’ sons just let mo know, that’s all. Yes, I hope she will write me a line then, if she can write.’' And the Queen assumed a look of right eous indignation at the very thought of the match-making proclivities of the Queen of Sneakville. Mrs. Lombard caught her breath and resumed: “Mrs. Arkwright is a good-for-nothing upstart. Trying for Fred Gilman—the ideeP Her youngest, a ten-year-old princess, who had been listening with precocious intelligence, pertly asks, “What’s a good- for-nothing upstart, ma ?” “A woman that comes up from noth- ing, and forgeta where she hail a from, and then lords it over her betters,” an swered Queen Lombard. “Is that ao?” lisped the young prin cess; “I wanted to know the meaning, for Mattie Goddard said that was all my mother was, and she knowingly slipped from under her mother’s threatening hand. * * * • , * * * . “Mabel, is this final?” asked the vil lage minister’s son, a recent graduate from Yale, as he looked appealingly at the fair-haired princess. “Yea, Frank, it ia. Why will you per sist in pestering me so ? You’ve asked me three times before this, and I have always told you mo. Ma says that she will never consent to have me marry a poor minister’s son; and if you don’t have better luck than most young doc tors, it will be a long time before you will have much yourself. So you see I can’t marry you, even if I wanted to ever so much.” —- - “Oh, Mabel, you’d sell your soul for money, I do believe, end your mother would gladly put her seal on the deed. You need not remind me how many times I have made love to you. Real assured that I shall never ask yon again. I with your aristocratic (?) mother sno- oeaa in ‘hawking’ her daughters through the matrimonial market." And* Frank lifted his hat and, bowing lowly, left her With a bitter smile upon his lips, * • % • « • * a tr— Madame Rumor hole to Mabej’s'ean Otf import tiu4 Frank wiffi |hjing earnest attention to Nettie Mills, the dry goods merchant’s daughter. Mabel feared that it might be true, for she had known since early childhood that her schoolmate Nettie ranked second in Frank’s esteem and affection, and had reason to believe that Nettie would re ceive any attention from him favorably. Mabel thought: “So would I have done had he been rich. ” The happenings we dread are never delayed. Soon cards were out, and the day came when well-dressed guests filled the village church to criticise Frank and Nettie as they walked toward the altar, there to promise unswerving fidelity to each other; also to wonder if Frank was really content with this bride of circum stance rather than choice, and to ques tion if she was foolish enough to believe him even if he did so pretend. Mabel concealed her feelings beneath her princess-like dignity of manner and gorgeousness . of full-dress cos tame, which latter splendor was village talk for months. Surely that fact was sufficient to make a factory princess happy.. ******** Five years quickly sped. Queen Lom bard met with the uon-success of many a maneuverer—she had priced her goods too highly. Bettor articles were easily found at less price, and her wares were growing wrinkled and faded; looked at, smiled at, talked about, but passed by, hired away by the charms of fresher, fairer goods. —— Mabel was now twenty-five. Fine lines at the corners of her eyes and mouth, with more than a dozen gray hairs, told a story that she would will ingly have concealed! “Fine catches” had glided past, unob servant of the princess fisher-girl on the shore, and she had sadly watched them ‘ater happily sailing adown the stream of life with companions whom. *^ had considered far beneath herself and her princess sisters. If she could not marry rich, she could have wished that it might have been her fate to have widded Dr. Frank ! One faithful lover still followed her loyally—Lawyer Featherstone. Yet what was the position of an ordinary lawyer’s vife worth? But tempua fugit. Lines about the mouth increase, and therefore she has promised the lawyer a final answer to his thrice offered love Saturday. Drear ily she Questions, “What shall the an swer be A ring at the door bell, and young Mrs. Arkwright is admitted bv the kitehen-girl-of-all-work. “Iliive yon heard the news? Sht that was Nettie. Mills is dead. Left one child, a sweet little boy. The doctor is coming on with the body and is going to settle here in the village^ 15 — What strange news this was! And Lawyer Feathers tone’s answer on Hat- urday was—NO! * * * * » ‘ * w Dr. Nelson was welcomed home by soores of friends. Nettie had left a nice little sum—five thousand dollars—in the savings bank. This sum had been her portion of the late dry goods merchant’s estate. Strange as it may seem the son of Nettie, her father’s only grandson, was not heir to this money 1 This sum the law gave to the husband; the child was penniless 1 Yet why complain ? It was clearly legal and also rendered Dr. Nelson more charming to the fading princess than he had been in former days. e- A promising practice, with this cosy sum, would not be extreme poverty. So the wooing sped fast on wings of love (?) and the second anniversary of Nettie’s' death witnessed the most stylish wed ding ever known in Factoryville. Mabel refused to take Nettie’s boy to their new home. The very sight of him was hateful to her. And perhaps the father consented to separate himself from his child more easily from the fact that he had never truly loved its mother. But he felt no repugnance toward that trifling bank account of Nettie’a! Strange as it seems, the mother’s money was legally his to support the new wife with, whilst the child was oared for by its mother’s relatives at their individual expense 1 Certainly • there were legal steps that might have been taken to have forced the father into supporting Nettie’s boy, but they feared he would retaliate by placing him among strangers. Rather than that they bore the burden of ex pense. For a time all was joy and content ment, for the sun of prosperity shines temporarily upon the just and the un just. But a cloud hovers over their hor izon. Even now fell disease warns the doctor that he shall not long enjoy the society of the world’s one divinity—for him. i * * * * * * Disease soon cessed to beckon. It stepped boldly forward and took our friend firmly by the hand, and led him steadily onward and downward to the grave. : • » Mabel winced as she saw her husband surely drifting from her side, for after her nature she loved him. Yet if he must die, then *twere well to be prepared. .The wife he would leave behind most be properly cared for. Judge Luce was summoned and a will was written, properly signed and sealed, giving library, household fiffiniture, all, everything, i salad ing Nettie?» pet thoa* •and dollar$, to “my beloved wife, Mabel Umhard Nelson." The Judge vetted » lev “There is nothing more,” said the doc tor feebly. “Nothing for your child ?’’ queried the Judge. j - “Nothing. Mabel has been accus tomed to such a luxurious life that all I bave will be trifling enough for her wants." “Pardon me, doctor; yet in the name of our old friendship let me ask, ought not Nettie’s child to be remembered, at least ? It is well known that all of yonr property was once your first wife's in heritance from her father’s worthily ac quired estate.” “Yes, but being a lawyer, you ought to know that her share of that estate being personal property, the law gave it all to me. It is mine, and I will do as I please with mine own. ’’ “You are right, Frank, as to tne le gality. Yet, lawyer as I am, and conse quently in the habit of bowing to the law, still I hope never to eonfound jus tice and honor with law and legality. Tbe first two are God’s laws, and man should mould the last two in conformity therewith. But it is a sad truth, and worthy of lament, that the two are oft at opposition. Were your will contested I would, of a lawyer, fight to the last to uphold its strict legality; as a man, I should deplore the execution of yqui great injustice to your child. I l>cg of you to deal with your child as though the eyes of its sainted mother, as if the All-seeing Eye of God, not Law, were to read and ‘approve’ this will. Being honest in God’s sight, and legal in man’s, demands at times a vast difference in ac tion. Had you died and left property, the law would have divided your prop erty with the wife and child, and in it a favor. Beside, she would have loved and cared for the boy tenderly for your sake.” The implied rebuke in the last of the Judge’s remark was felt by the obtuse doctor. “She would have had enough if only a third. A man doesn’t care to enrich his successor;’’ snapped the doctor viciously. The lawyer ha, ha’d ! good-naturedly. “Well, well, that is too rich; it is so consistent What is the difference in sentiment betwixt enriching second hus bands or second wives ?” “Oh, shut np, Judge. A man con do as he pleases with his own, I should think,” and the doctor took refuge in sulkiness. “Equal rights,” muttarod the Judge. . ♦ ■ ****** After three years of sedate widow hood, Mabel went into lavender—and society. Lawyer Featherstone fonnd Mabel's little dower, in addition to her prospects when Kiqg Lombard should die, ren dered her fully as charming to him as when he wooed her in his youth unsuc cessfully. The glitter of her father’s gold, mingling with the sheen of that which was legally bequeathed her, daz zled his eyes and dimmed his vision to a dear perception of the inroads that Time had made upon her fair but fleeting type of beauty. Still, at first, his renewed Wooing sped not smoothly, for Mabel yet had hopes of marrying well. But in the course of passing years her hopes waned, and one day, when Featherstone again knelt at her feet, she saw something in his face that told her. that, if she said nay now, she would never be given opportunity for repentance. So she said yea, And Charlie? He says: “Mrs. Feath erstone has a private purse supplied with mother'a money. Had the law re membered me, I could have gone to college.” A Suggestion. New Wool Goods. Novelties in woolen goods for dresses are shown every week at this season. The introduction of chenille threads in camel’s-hair serges is an odd fancy, and is also shown in pine oones made of chenille and tied in pairs at intervals over dark wool goods of a contrasting color; thus gray chenille oones are on red cloth, brown on green, gray on gray, and red on changeable red and green serge. • This is to be used for parts of the dress, for vest or coat, and for drap ery, and costs $3.50 per yard. The rough bison cloths that Parisians have used for sea-side, mountain, and travel ing dresses all summer come in various ways, sometimes in a plain color with shaggy surface, again in wide stripes, or else with half of the width plain and the other half striped, and also in the looped ' cloths like Astrakhans, when they are of cm color in two sluulcs, or else of the favorite contrasts of brown with blue, or red with gray or green; the latti r are $3 per yard, and are used for the skirt alone, bat the shaggy twills may make the entire dress, and are $1.75 per yard; all these staffs are forty-six inches wide. There are also embroid ered suits of the bison cloth, with very juaitit outline embroidery done on them ui bright colors forming very wide panels, scarfs, bands, and borders; these are $55 per dress. Armure wools ore imported in broad stripes each three inches wide, of bright red with dull green, bine with old gold, gray with red, etc., and there are Cheviots with large blbcks in all the fashionable com binations; these are single width, $1.25 per yard. Bonrettes are again imported with rough threads in clusters, or mere dots, or in stripes of rough threads alternat ing with satin or with ottoman stripes. Chamonni wool is a smooth fine cloth of dull colors, and crape-Gheviot is a cloth with crepe-like surface. A novelty is soft wool with printed figures represent ing the cross stitches of tapestry needle work; these are similar to the tapestry percales that were worn during the sum mer. There are also machine-embroid ered suits that have the embroidery in tapestry stitches of odd bright colors on dull faded ground*; these are shown with dark blue grounds wrought with strawberry red, gray grounds with green and gold embroidery, pale bine with olive and red, and dark violet daint ily wrought with gray shades. Whole breadths of a dress are embroidered in this way, and placed just across the foot in front and on the sides below a plain over-akirt, and there are bands down each front next a pleated vest; straps of velvet are fastened across the vest by old silver brooches; the standing collar is of velvet, and there is a narrow velvet cuff with a band of the embroidery above it on each sleeve; this is handsome in pmne-oolored wool with velvet of the same shade, and the embroidery in dull red shades with pale olive-tinted foliage. —Harper'a Bazar. BLEEDING THE CLERKS. Famers and Fox-Hantenu An engineer says: With reference to the disaster on the steamer Riverdale of New York city, I have a suggestion to make. It ia that engineers on steamboats and railways should not be permitted to paste a fancy picture or device upon the glass which covers the dials of the steam and vacuum gauges. I travel frequently upon steamboats and trains, and find that this ia almost a universal unatom. It must render it impossible to notice any changes in the index, which could not but be seen if the view of the dial were unobstructed. In cutting out a fancy picture several points are usually left around the edge, any one of which might be mistaken for the index of the gauge, especially when it ia in the neigh borhood where the engineer knows the point indicative of safety to be, while through some negligence of the firemen, or some other cause, the real hand may be just over the explosive point and not observable at a glance, beeanae the fig- ura pasted upon the glass hides it from view. It is stated upon good authority that on the occasion of one of Marwood’s re cent visits to Ireland, and while travel ing protected by some constabulary, one of the latter tried his hand at ‘ ‘ chaffing ” the executioner. He bore it quite im perturbably, and when asked whether he had a sen, replied in the affirmative. “And," continued the questioner, “ will you put him into your own line of business?” “Well,” said Msrwood, with a keen look and a sly twinkle in his eyas, “ If he’s f good boy I win, but if be tarns ont a blaekfuafd IT1 make an Irish polieeassn of Was." Tbs ques tioner, it is said, left Msrwood alone .for the remaindsrof the joornay, AN INtERKNTINU I.KTTBR WAMtllNGTON. FROM H'uhlBKi** Brolirr* who I.rnrf Moacy I* Throi ot I’oorloaa Unto*. (From the Providence Press.] The farmers on Rhode Island are ac cused of “mean conduct” because they attempt to defend their property against Che attacks of a lawless mob—a mob as cruel as heartless, as insolent os any gang of Bowery (N.Y.) ruffians. For sev eral years the farmers havebeea obliged to submit to the overriding and under trampling by packs of hounds and mounted “gentry” with only their pock et-books to recommend them. Fences have been broken down, crops ruined, domestic animals stampeded and “ran down” for the mere sport of the thing. If the farmers remonstrated with the paok of dudes, it was considered an in sult, and'they turned theif hones, rode into yards, and through and through flower beds and gardens for the mere pleasure of spoiling, and because they had been “spoken to." The people gen erally have but a faint idea of what the farmers have suffered at the hands of these marauders. IF other ruffians, un supported by fat purses, had rode rough shod through the island as these have, they would have been jailed lopg ago. But in the present esse there U no re dress. The fanners have no money to fight those who have nothing else, and if they had, a thousand dollars will make slow headway against a million. The only hope is in the State—in an anti-fox hunt law, and until that is passed the farmer must depend upon himself. But then is another hops of deliver ance, and that is in hvbed win. If the State will not protect the farmers, barbed wire will, if used in sufficient quantities. No animal, not even a dandy-legs on horseback, will meddle with a barbed wire fence more than once. Ho I farm ers on the island of Rhode Island, put up barbed wire fences, make the barbs a foot long, stretch them everywhere, and when “considerably over eighty men and women on horseback ” are to ride over your cornfields, send in word that we may be present at the battle of the dudes and the berbe. We stake every ♦Ring on the barbs. Urn hunt on Fri day was “noteworthy” on another ac count. Two pigs joined in and “ were ta at the death." This was a mistake on th* part of the pigs. They wees stam peded and were honied aloof, bat as wood as fright had fled, they left the if A Washington letter says :—Assistant lecretary'of the Interior Jocelyn touched an a sore spot a few days ago when he said he would not help money lenders get their loans from his clerks. The ex tent to which employees are bled by k^ese nrsurers is scarcely credible. One firm is said to do a business of $40,000 a month, and there are aeveral others whose transactions are nearly as large. “I suppose seventy-five per cent of the Government clerks,” said one of these brokers, “are behind-hand, and in the habit of borrowing money. The rates vary from two per cent to ten and even twenty per cent, a month. One large firm which does business on a conserva tive basis charges its customers the legal rate of eight per cent per anunm, and then two per cent, a month for discount ing the notes. In this way the broken evade the laws against usury. The com mon charge for discount is ten per cent, a month. The Wivshingtin broker is worthy of a committee of investigation, and a rigorous inquiry by the Democrat- io House would bring to light some very sensational scandals.” There is no legal process for collecting these usurious debts, but the brokers know how to bring influence to bear on, the clerks. Often a chief of division or bureau is himself a customer in the broker’s power, and willing to apply the thumbscrews to a subordinate to ease the pressure on himself. Besides, the brokers like all men who control a large capital, have great indirect influence with the higher officials, and can secure themselves in that way. Many of the chiefs employ their own capital and that of their relatives and friends in the brokerage business. The brokers do not nse their own money even after they are rich. Most of them begin with nothing bat a good credit at a bank. “Legitimate” bankers readily discount all the paper brought them upon the en dorsement of the broker at 1) per cent a month. The brokers use the bankers’ money, and turn it over and over. They have no end of tricks of the trade to get their money, 4 One day a forlorn-look ing lady in widow’s weeds came to Gen. Walker with a pitiful tale. Ons of the census clerks, she said, was defrauding her of her board bill. She wiped her tears as the indignant Superintendent told her that the clerk must pay or go. He paid. It afterword appeared that the poor widow was worth $100,000. and was settling up her late husband’s brok erage business. - : In all the departments the failure to pay debts is regarded as justifying inter ference on the part of appointing officers, and this gives the brokers s lever which they soon become expert in using. There is a regular clientage of these impecunious clerks, who ore chronic bor rowers. Formerly the brokers kept a black list for mutual protection, but of late a leu fraternal policy has prevailed, and new firms are left to find out ths dead beats by costly experience. There are many setbacks, even when the lend ers are shrewd and careful Borrower* get deeper and deeper into the mire, lose their positions, and disappear. But, in spite of their occasional -losses, most of the sharpers get rich. Few women clerks borrow money. When they do they usually got the endorsement of men. Very often the latter have to pay the note. This phase of the subject il lustrates on unpleasant feature in de partment life, but, fortunately, one that is much exaggerated. The colored em ployees are great borrowers, and pay enormously high rates. They are sail to be better pay, however, than white people. Two or three firms of oolored brokers have become quite rich ta this business among their own race. Selling Children. They seem to occasionally sell children iu England—and cheap, too. Here is a sale which took place at Oldham : It appeared that the woman wanted to sel her children, and a large crowd collect ed. She was successful in selling one child to a woman, and this woman, hav ing purchased the child for 6d., made of with her prize id T cab. The mother wanted to dispose of the other child, ant at first a*ked 2d., but'ultimately brought down the demand to Id., without find ing a purchaser. Fkiohtzkzd Hot—The jailer at Ma con, Ga., heard a noise at night in the cells above his office. Going up stain, he found one of the woman prisoners trying to escape by crawling up the chimney. An account says h« “called her attention to the fact tha after reaching the top of the building there was no possible way io go down without falling, and then went down stairs, and was troubled no more with th* note*” THE HUMOROUS PAPERS. WBAT we find in them TOSM1IJI OVER TUI* WEEK. A MOBNINO gem. About eight o’clock one morning a Rian smoking ping tobacco in an old clay pipe walked out of a Michigan ave nue saloon with a rat in a trap. He ooked neither to the right nor the left nntil he bad reached the middle of the street. Then be placed the trap on the ground and whistled for his dog. If he tad a dog, the animal did not respond, hut the public did. In leas than two minutes thirty men were rushing to the spot. ‘Hi, there I Don’t let him out till I get my dog ?” shouted one. ‘Hold on ! Wait for the dogs I” yelled lalf a dozen voices at once. ‘Keep cool and form a circle I” com manded a policeman, «d he took a firmer grip of his baton. The man with the trap spread a Iqffipf* landkerchief over it and waited. He was not a bit excited. On the contrary,, io was as placid os a chip sailing in the wash-dish. “Whar’did ye ketch him?” inquired a newslNly. Tlie placid man did not deign to reply, “What’ll ye take fur him?” asked an other, bat his inquiry woe treated with the same silent contempt. Then four or five men came running np with dogs under their, arms, and ten or fifteen dogs on foot followed behind. There was a fight between a bull-dog and a Newfoundland, and there would have been a row between owners had not a second policeman appeared. Order was finally-restored. The dogs wen ar ranged in a circle and held by their col lars, and the placid man slowly knocked the ashes from nis pipe, looked carefully around, and then raised the trap and shook the rat out. All the dogs msde a rush, bat in ten seconds each and every canine walked off on his ear and seemed to be hart in his feelings. A boy stopped forward and held the rat up to vijw. “It’s a crockery rat!” be yelled as ha vhirled it around. “Yes, it vhas * grogery rodt, and he cost me den cents 1” calmly replied the tiacid men as he walked off with the jap.—Detroit Free Prcaa. THE GOVERNORS OALLER. One day an old n.'gro, clad in rags and carrying a burden on his head, am bled into the executive chamber at Al bany and dropped his load cm the floor. Stepping toward Governor Cleveland, he said: - < — — • “Am you de Gabner, sab ?” Being answered in the he said: “If dat am * fae’ Tae glad ter meet yer. Yer see I libs way up dar in de back ob de country, sod is * pool man, ash. I h’ar dar is some perviahuns in de cons’tution let do ended man, and 1 am bar to get some ob ’em, sah.”— Whitehall Timed. WOULD HAVE AN EAST Tim. v ^^... “Say, how long do these mosquitoes bite?” asked a guest of an Arkansmw hotel, as a colored gentleman entered with a pitcher of water. “I have been lying here fighting ’em lor an hour. How long do you suppose they will keep np tail business?” “Well, I dun no, sah. how manny &•!*"- •‘There are ten thousand.*- 4 % "‘-q “In dat casa, sah, its ’cordin’ ter how hnngrydais.” “They are as hungry us wolv*,” , “Deayer’s mighty likely ter hab trouble will’em, sah. " “Why don’t you put a bar over the bed?” “ ’Case nobody eber sleeps ta dis room but oue night When a one night man comes along we gives jrim dis room. Didn’t nobody sleep ta beta las’ night an’ dot’s de reason da’s so hungry. Ef yer’d happen ter strike dis bed jee’ arter a fat man had been in it, yer’d hob a easy time, sah. ”—A rkanaaw Traveler. RE WAS CONVINCED. A citizen having painted the front of his grocery hung out a sign besting ths word “Paint” “Ah! so you have been painting f* queried the first man who cams along, “Yes, sir.'’ “Is it fresh paint ?” “It fc." “Will it rub ofl ?” “It will ’ “Ah 1 yes—I see—4o it does,” eon*. tinned the man, as he rubbed his hand over the boards and brought it tvnsf severed with daub. MORAL. Never leave a fellow-man. ta find oat jnything by rubbing his back against it —Detroit Free Free*. “No,” said the sad-eyed never press a young woman to play uppn the piano. I tried it ones to. my row.” “Why, what followed r asked a half sager voices^ “She played, replied the sad-evef never forget tasjpsaonl had to