The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, April 20, 1886, Image 7
r
| Tiro Loyers.
TTwo lovers by a moss grown spring:
They leatied soft cheeks together there,
Mingled the dark tmd sunny hair,
And heard the wooing thrushes sing.
O budding time!
O love's best prime!
Two wedded from the portal step:
The bells made happy carolings,
The air was soft as fanning wings,
White petals on the pathway slept.
O pure eyed bride!
O tender pride!
Two faces o'er a cradle bent:
Two hands above the head wero locked;
Those pressed each other while they rocked,
Those watched a life that love had sent.
O solemn hour!
O hidden power!
Two paronts by the evening fire:
mt _
iiio reu ngnc leu about their ltnnos
On bends tliat rose by slow degrees
Liko buds upon tho lily spire.
O )>ntio!it life!
O tender strife!
The two still sat together there,
The red light shone about their knees;
But all the heads by slow degrees
Had gone and left thut lonely pair.
O voyage fast!
O vanished past!
The red light shono upon the floor
And made tho spac?? between them wide:
They drew their chairs up side by side,
Their pale cheeks joined, and said, "Once
more!"
O memories!
Opustlluitis!
?George Eliot.
FINDING A COMPANION. ;
""Wanted, a Companion, for an Elder!y
Lady." (
That was the advertisement that ap- }
pcared iu a newspaper of a rainy Monday
morning in November, 18?.
I
Glcnvillc was nothing more tlmn a little
country settlement, with a red brick ,
Town Ilall and a labyrinth of narrow
streets which seemed to have been laid ^
out with special reference to the bewild?rmcnt
of any chance passer, who might
find himself involved in their maze. A
quiet, dreamy, Rip Van "Winkle sort of a j
place?and yet before noon of that Mon- -|
day morning, a swarm of anxious aspir- ,
cants for the office of "Companion for an
Elderly Lady," had made their appear,
-ance in the best parlor of the Glcnvillc ^
; House. .
* . . *
Mr. Reginald Chillingfield, who had j
been out for a walk in the street, was ^
met on the threshold of the hotel by the ^
boot-bov:
s
"O, please, sir, there's a lot of 'cm all j
a-askin' for you."
"A lot of what?" demanded Mr. Chil- ^
lingfield.
"Po.Tir.oi/1 m*:n:?c-u * ?
was tan ana ?
slender and handsome, with bright blue
eyes and a straight nose?which latter
feature he rubbed as lie stood staring at
- / ^^Ve Updown.
"Of ladies, sir. Come to answer the
P Vflks' Vnt-" t
fj|| said Mr. Chill ingticld, "I reeol- (
^lect now."
And little reckoning of what lay before
him he pushed open the door of the
; .! "hotel best parlor. (
Only for half a second, however. The j
array of feminine faces, all expectantly ^
turned toward him, was enough to awe
the stoutest bachelor heart, and Reginald j
*Chillingfield closed it again with a bang.
"Jones," said he to his familiar friend, j
who had just lighted a cigar in the read-. ?
tug-room, "what shall I do?"
"In respect to what?" * A
"Mv Aunt Pollv's fnmnnninn Tl, ? ./*??.
J .?
a dozen of 'em there, apparently all ages Q
from sixteen to sixty. My Aunt Polly s
don't want twelve companions."
"Take the best-looking," suggested j
.Jones, with revolting levity.
"And be scratched by all the rest."
"Take the worst-looking, then. Ten ;|
jto -to one she's best fitted for a 'companion'
m to an old lady." t
* 1 'My Aunt Polly is an excellent judge
of beauty. She'd send me back with the j
article in less than two hours," retorted
Chillingfield. ^
| "In that case," said Jones, meditative- j
ly eyeing the end of his cigar. "I don't
see how you're to get out of the dilemma." c
. "Jones, don't prove faithless in such
A strait as this. Be a man and a friend! r
Suppose you had advertised for a com- j
panion for your Aunt Polly, and a host j
had responded, what would you do?"
"I should engage one of 'em and send r
;the rest about their business." ]
"Yes; but which one? Be practical,
there's a good fellow." I
"The one whose appearance seems best ^
adapted to the emergency." )
"Jones, you're a fool!" cried out Chil- t
pngfield. "Am I to go into that room
and stare about as if they arc a lot of s
winter apples or prize pumpkins on exhibition?"
"Have 'em admitted one by one," suggested
Jones, and on this hint Mr. Chil- j
rV' lingficld promptly acted. i
"You sit and pretend to be reading
Ihe newspaper," whispered Chillingfield, s
"and if you like the applicant's looks,
I ft "?' i-t- --
? ai jvu uuu i, umchiu me news^paper!
Dear mo, my shirt collar is wet
.already; my facc is burning. Why r
. ^couldn't Aunt Polly have hunted up c
her own companion? Yes, Mike, all 1
, ready. Ask one of the ladies to walk in 1"
ffj And with a grin, Mik?j announced: s
4 "Miss Zerinah Hall." f
Miss Hall was sail, scant-haired and
.spectacled, in a robe oS gingham and a
-drab silk hu,
A.i 4?:
I&lfe ^ ' 'vt'- "
; <'. ?> .?t\, - ......
' ?-j'?? *'T
v- M'1 ;V- ' ^ v; ' "
"I am seeking a situation, young
man," she said, "not from necessity,
but becauso in middle life one feels the
lack of companionship. I hopo the
elderly lady mentioned in the advertisement
is a church member?"
Crackle! crackle! went the newspaper.
Chillingticld glanced guiltily at
his friend.
"No, she's not; that is?I think, perhaps,
a younger person You did
not say how old you wore, Miss Hall."
"No, I didu't," said Miss" Zerinah.
"And I don't mean to. I don't think
you'll suit, young man. No gentleman?
what is that other person rattling his
newspaper so for??ever thinks of asking
impertinent questions about a lady's age.
Good morning, sir."
Miss Zerinali went out, closing the
door behind her with a bang.
Mrs. Hawkesbury, the next candidate,
was a clairvoyant and spiritualist.
"I think I could amuse the old ladv
with foretelling the future," snid she. t
"That was the way I did at my three >
last situations." s
"Three!" repeated Mr. Chillingfield. (
"Jones, my dear fellow, don't ruotle that i
paper so vehemently. (An instantaneous
silence ensued, and Jones stifled a giggle
behind the columns of the Mercury.) t
"Did you say three? IIow did you hap- c
pen to leave those situations?" t
"The visitation of Providence, sir," s
said Mrs. Hawkesbury. "They all died
?the respected ladies whom it was once o
my duty and my pleasure to " ii
"Oh," said Mr. Chillingfield, "I am \
ifraid my Aunt Polly might die, too.
clairvoyance and second sight mightn't
lgrcc witn her." li
"Sir," said *he lady, "you arc spiritu- ti
illy blind." L
"Very likely," said Mr. Chillingfield. t
"But I prefer to remain so." a
The next was too deaf, the next too o
lesliy, the third was unwilling to live n
?vith any lady who did not keep a man n
lervant, the fourth wanted too high a a
salary?so on, ad infinitum, until the ii
lewspapcr was fairly crackled to picces.
Until, at length, there was, so *o speak, f(
i "tie" between the last two candidates. p
Huth Coxe was just nineteen; pretty as v
i swectpea blossom, and ready to under- ^
:ake any descripticn of service, to escape c
"rom a step-mother and nine turbulent d
lalf-brothers and sisters. Helen Howard t]
vas a queenly young woman of five and S(
;wenty,who read like Mrs. Scott-Siddons,
;ang delicious Scotch ballads, and fraulcy
owned that she needed a home! c
Mr. Joues coughed himself purple in c
;hc face over both ol" them. ?
"You couldn't do better, Reginald,"
laid lie, "than to take " p
"Which one?" u
"Both!"
"Do talk common-sense!" n
"But they are both splendid girls!"
"Granted--but you must remember 1,
hat I have only got one Aunt Polly! A
:hoicc must be made."
"Toss up a copper."
"You irreverent villain 1"
"Draw cuts, then.- Look! I write ^
Helen' on one, 'Ruth' on the other. <
tj
?resto! Change! Now draw! Ruth has
von the day!"
So Mr. Reginald Chillingfield took ^
iuth Coxe home with him to the domia<
:ihary abode of his Aunt Polly by evenng
train, leaving Helen Howard very ^
ad and <piiet.
"You arc disappointed," said he. "I
visli I could have engaged you both." '
"Yes," said Helen; "I am disappointed,
I confess. Life is very hard and
w
tern to inc.
si
Reginald Chillingfield thought Over
. Hi
ler words. They haunted him?and not .
it
>nly her words, but the garnet-brown
hadows of lier eves. And just a week
" q]
iftcrward he went back to Gltsnville.
"Yes, Miss Howard is at home," said
he shabby maid-of-all-work, at the thirdtl
ate boarding-house where Miss Howard .
ived. "Walk in."
And Mr. Chillingfield walked in, to 81
ind Miss Howard tete-a-teie with Mr. W
[ones.
"Hallo!" cried Jones. "Who would 01
:ver have thought of seeing you?" ^
"I might say the same," laughingly ^
ctorted Chillingfield, as he took Miss l(
loward's hand. "But I have news for
rou, Miss Helen."
"I have heard of an excellent situation
tear my aunt's?an invalid lady, whose
lusband " 8J
"Hang the invalid lady and her hus- ^
>and!" interposed Jones, "I was just "
joing to write you about it, old boy. el
iVe're engaged. Wc arc to be married r<
o-morrow." n
"No!" cricd Reginald. "Then I'll r<
tay to the wedding. But " v
"Well?" P
"Isn't it rather a sudden arrangement?" ^
"Life is full of sudden things," snid
Tones, philosophically. "Helen is will- ^
ng to run the risk." d
And so the troublesome question was P
cttlcd satisfactorily tp all parties. S
o
An Embarrassing Situation. p
A little girl whose father had been fi
cading to her a story of a child who was v
saten up by a bear, could not seem to r
forget it, and at night she said: a
"Oh papa, wasn't that a dreadful a
itory? And then the poor child coildn't ii
50 up to heaven 1*' a
"Why not?" c
"Why, there she was inside the bearl" n
?Boston Record. d
fi fv*'- V-J'.li
*v-' "
Promoted.
Ono winter, says General Dan Macaul;y,
in his recent address before the Loyal
Legion, we were for many days on u
Mississippi River expedition down below
Helena, Arkansas, with a ileot of steamers
indcr General "Willis A. Gorman. The
sveather was most inclement, and the men
suffered very severely from cold and exposure.
Under such conditions, a soldier's
jump of reverence for anything he can
.vorry suffers great shrinkage. Sam Irick
lad taken a violent dislike to General
jorman, because, forsooth, that gallant
jcntleman had been forced to join in tho
amous retreat from the lirst Bull Run
jat tie-field.
Why Sam should have considered that
General Gorman had any spccial monopoy
or-responsibility in that great national
'ootracc, or that he had developer! more
speed than was absolutely necessary to
weep up with the procession, is hard to
uiderstand; but so it w:is, and several
imes during this* expedition, ns I aftervard
learned, when our steamers were
ufflcicntly near, Sam would electrify the
General by howling at him most dcrisvely:
"Hello, Old Bull Run!"
Once ho made a mistake. Headquarcrs
steamer was brought alongside of
>urs and within a few feet, for consultaion,
and on the upper or hurricane deck
tood the General himself.
Sam was on the lower forward deck of
>ur vessel, out near the bow, and, bracng
himself, he yelled up into Gorman's
cry teeth:
"llello, Old Bull Run 1"
The General was too quick for him;
saning over the side, he shouted down
o the guard: "Throw that man on my
oat here, quick I" And, sure enough,
hey did. Sam, sprawling through the
ir like a frog, was pitched headlong
nto Gorman's boat, and during the rctain
irr of the day, at various distances,
ear and far, we could see him, long,
nd lank, and lean, tied up like a fluttering
scarecrow, to the jackstafT of the
teamer. It was a cold and gusty day?
ar Sam?and no espccial attention was
aid to waffles and quail for him, and so,
dien along toward night the boats were
rought together again, and he was
hucked back to us stiff as a wooden Inian.
it miorht reasonably ho, simmwfH
liat for once the great irrepressible was
[]uelehe(l.
No, not the least in the world.
He gathered himself together, and,
hilled, blue, and starved as he was,
ame creaking and grunting up stairs to
le in the cabin.
"Colonel," he groaned, "I wish you'd
lease have my discharge made out right
way!"
"Your discharge! Your funeral, you
ican, if you're not more careful I"
"No, my discharge, X'olonel. I've
ecn put on Gorman's staff!"
The Spiders Appetite.
It is not everybody who knows how
luch a spide?- can eat. Most of us have
erived amusement, and perhaps instrucion,
from watching the subtile arrangelents
and devices of the little tactician,
,'ith a view to capture some dainty little
lsect, and many of us would know ex
ctly where to place this interesting creatre
in the classification of animal life,
ut probably very Jew of us have any
lea what a voracious gourmand the
[)ider is. A gentleman, scientifically inlined
and luxuriating in the rare posseson
of leisure, has recently given to the
rorld some very curious and startling
:atements in regard to the arcliimedcan
ppctite. He captured a spider and kept
i in confinement, supplying it liberally
itli food, and carefully recording his
bservations. He estimated that the crealrc
ate four times its weight for breakist,
nine times its weight for dinner,
lirtcen times its weight for supper, finhing
up with an ounce of food. In the
imc proportion, a man of average weight
ould demolish an ox for breakfast, two
lore for dinner, a couple of bullocks,
ght sheep and four pigs for supper, and
len a hundred weight of fish to prepare
le way for an aldermanic banquet before
jtiring to bed.?Christian Journal.
Canine Pet* in Gay Attire*
"Furnishing decorations and clothing
>r dogs is developing into n grent trade,"
lid a manufacturer to a reporter for the
few York Mail and Express recently.
In Paris alone nearly 2,000 persons are
tigaged in this business, and the trado
jpre>;ents nearly $1,000,000 capital. The
ige for dressing canine pets has now
iachcd New York from Paris. Every
ariety of dog has his peculiar dress and
roper toilet and toilet case, with power,
sponge, comb and so forth. It would
e a rank breach of dog manners for a
ulldog to appear on the street in the
ress of another, indeed, the dog would
ine away from sheer mortification.
iuuuwi i?iHvra yvuiir uraceicta on some
f their legs, and bear in mind always
ut the ring on the left leg. That is the
ishion. As to collars, blankets for cool
reather, netting for warm weather, the
ule holds good?every one to his own
nd no other. We'll very soon have
ristocratic dogs appearing on rainy days
i long-legged boots made of doeskin
nd fastened on with rubber rings. At
crtain seasons of the year dogs must be
auzzled, and this calls for fancy and
ecorated muzzles."
V , :; v> ": " . ' ,.
1 I HORSE "SHARPS.''
Swindling Unwary Countrymen
in New York.
A Single Worthless Animal that has
Changed Owners Many Time3.
Everybody admits that prevarication,
to put it mildly, is a never absent factor
in u norsc tr:ule. But there is a limit to
sharp play there. A certain combination
of individuals, that might very appropriately
be cal ed "a gang," are operating
just now very successfully on the other
side of the limit, and gentlemen who
think that mankind is naturally prone to
be honest are being seriously affected by
it every day.
The victims are generally men who
wear soft felt huts. Men of that kind
are not indigenous to Manhattcn Island.
They are the noble sons of agriculture,
who are the mainstay of the blithesome
bunco m&n. They come to the city to
buy horses, and they go home firmly convinced
that there is nothing between the
Battery and Harlem River that will ever
get into heaven.
The "gang" have stables in two streets.
At one it is always announced that seven
horses arc for sale, while at the other the
number is nine. Perhaps these numbers
are chosen because they are considered
lucky?not because they represent the
number of horses, as each stable can
boast of but one animal, and that of such
a kind that in a good fair count it would
be set down as only half a horse.
When flu* nn?ni!iinnt:.i? " " "i-""" ""
JWIWIIBUI <H<pcars
at the stable he is promptly "spotted."
and half a dozen gentlemen, who
have previously been lounging around
the corner with their hands in their
pockets suddenly become very deeply interested
in the prospective purchase of
the one horse. Nobody pays the least attention
to the real purchaser at first. He
thinks business must be very brisk indeed
and his chances of getting a horse at
what he begins to believe must be a bargain
quite as slim. Finally he edges into
the conversation and becomes the central
figure.
"Where are the other horses?" he asks.
"Just sold four this morning, and the
rest are out on trial. A gentleman is
coming around to try this one in an hour,
if he is not sold before," replied the
.1?i ?
ucuilt,
"All right; lot me take him out on
trial?"
"I am sorry, but I can't. I promised
to hold him for that, other fellow unless
some one bought outright."
At this point the decoys evince further
signs of purchasing, and'the result is that
the victim makes an offer. After a little
haggling the price usually settled 011 is in
the vicinity of $100. The money is paid
and the countryman .drives off, happy in
the consciousness of having a good bargain.
When about two blocks distant
his joy wilts down to several degress below
freezing j>oint. The horse begins to
wheeze and cough, and finally chokes and
! fnllsdnwn Thnn tJin fill -
? _ ..W.. V.*V ?? !? iUWUIl I.U UI'-'I
leads the horse back to the stable and demands
his money. At first lie gets no
satisfaction whatever^ The dealer insists
thut the horse was all right when he left
and he can't understand it. At last a
compromise is made and the victim
thinks himself lucky in getting $50 of his
money back.
"I tell you what," said one of the decoys
to a Ilentld reporter, ' 'that old horse
is a dandy. lie's got that choking racket
down to a tine point, and plays it elegant."
"lias he been sold many times?" asked
the reporter.
"Many times? Well, I should cough
up a cat. Every day, sure, and sometimes
twice. Oh, you can gamble on his
l-nnwinir Kiq Knainnuo i>ah. f....
?? ' w??u???voo uvn. 1' UllU^j HOW,
ain't it? That horse, as !i horse, ain't
worth two cents; but as a piece of property,
I'm a gilly if lie don't bring the old
man in $50 a day, easy. Yes, sir; he
don't look it, but he's one of the most
valuable animals in New York."
x At both places the same modus operandi
is pursued and with the same profitable
results to the den lei's. They have now
been carrying on the fraud for some months
and as yet have not met with any serious
setback. The average man does not like
to admit that he has been "played," and
prefers to pocket his loss and keep quiet
rather than air the affair in court. A
few victims, more brave than the rest,
have causcd the heavy hand of the law
to drop on the dealers. The heavy hand
clutched savagely enough for a while,
and then, after the usual manner, let go
and the dealers serenely went back to
their business and their faithful old trick
horse.?New York lleraM.
Making Money. '
"Hello, Frank! Where have you
been? I haven't seen you for a great
while??' - ... . .... .
"I have been, in San Francisco."
"Making any money down there?"
"You bet. Imako more, money in a
day than you do in a .year.*
"Great Scott I You are foolin, ain't
you?"
"No, Tm telling the truth."
"Where do you work?"
"In tho San Francisco mint."?Pacific
Jester.
A wind instrument?The weather vane.
Monitor nnd Merrlmac.
"Lieutenant Jone8 having occasion to
visit the Merrimac's gun deck, saw a division
standing at case, and inquiring
of the officer in command why he wms
not firing that individual replied: 'After
firing for two hours I find I can do the
enemy about as much damage by snapping
my fingers at him every two minutes
and a half.' "
* * # * +
"As Lieutenant Jones found he could
) make no impression on the Monitor with
his shots, he determined to run her down
or board her, and for nearly an hour he
maneuvred for position, but his ship ws s
too unwieldy for that kind of work.
The Monitor danced around her like a
yatch around a three-decker, pouring in
her shot and endeavoring to lind a vulnerable
point.
"At last Jones thought he saw a
chance of ramming the Monitor, and ho
gave the order to go ahead at full speed,
but before the great vessel could gather
headway the agile Monitor turned, and
the disabled prow of the Merrimae gave a
glancing blow which did no harm whatever.
"Again the Monitor came upon the
Merrimac's quarter, her bow actually
against the ship's side, and at this distance
fired twice. Both shots struck
about half way up the Merrimac's armor,
nhroucf nf 1 ?
..?.vwv ui tuu unci [IIVIH, UIIU MI SUVl'l'f
was the blow that the side was forced in
several inches. The crew of the after
guns were knocked over by the concussion,
bleeding from the nose and cars.
* * * * *
"Thousands of spectators with beating
hearts watched the conflict from Fort
Monroe, and from the ships. It seemed
to them as if the battle would never end,
but at length the confederate commander,
thinking it useless to try his broadsides
on the Monitor any longer, steered off
toward the Minnesota, which opened on
the Merrimac with all her broadside,
guns and the ten-inch pivot."?Admiral
Porter.
Shark Fishing.
Shark fishing is carried on to a considcrable
extent especially on the north and
west coasts of Iceland, both decked vessels
ami open boats being used in this fishery.
The species of shark caught is the
S'junliis carcharias,, and it is pursued
solely for the sake of the oil yielded by
the liver, the rest of the carcass being !
usually thrown away, though sometimes j
the llesh is preserved for food. The
sharks van* much in size, running up to
eighteen or twenty feet in length, and
four to five feet in diameter through the
thickest part of the body, the yield of oil
from each liver varying from four or five i
up to fifty gallons. Rich livers yield j
two-thirds of their bulk of oil, poor ones
only about one-half.
The vessels used in shark fishing nre
for the most part small schooners of thirty
to fifty tons burden, manned by eight
or ten men. The usual fishing season is
from January or February till August.
During the winter months the sharks
frequent shallower waters, and are found
about twenty miles from land, in fifty
fathoms of water or thereabouts; in summer
they .seek deeper waters, and are
caught one hundred miles or so off the
coast in a depth of two hundred fathoms. I
It having been ascertained by sounding !
that the ship lies in water of a suitable
depth, preferable with a sloping soft mud
bottom, the vesselis anehored, and fishing
commences. The hook used is twelve 01
eighteen inches long, baited with sealblubber
and horseflesh and attached by a
couple of yards o? strong chain to an
inch and a half line. As a rule the
sharks arc shy of taking the bait at first,
and the fishers may wait long for thcit
first bite; but once the sharks commence
to "take," they crowd to the spot, and
may be hooked in quick succession; they
then take the bait greedily and with little
caution.
>
It Cured Him.
Some years ago a certain Methodist
congregation in Chicago was presided
over by a minister who had formerly
held a pastorate in Springfield, 111. The
preacher was a very good man, but he
subjected himself to severe criticism by
constantly comparing his surroundings
with those in Springfield. Nothing was
so nice as it was in Springfield; the
church was fine, but not so fine as the
Springfield church; the congregation
was zealous, but it was not Springfield
zeal?and so on, all the time, Springfield
being perfected perfection. At last one
of the sisters hit upon what she thought
might prove a remedy for her pastor, so
at the next "class" she gave in her exT
periences. "I have," said she, "found
the path dark and rough, and at times
have been on the point of fulling by the
wayside and giving up in despair; I have
felt that my earthly nature was uncongenial
with that heavenly one I have
been taught to seek in the closest association.
and there have been seasons when I
thought 1 should never be able to reach
thftt better land lying beyond ihe dtrrdan;
but brethren and sisters, since our ,
dear new pastor has come among us, ] j ,
feci to rejoice that although I may fall | ,
short of attaining the heavenly kingdom, |
bless the Lord, I shall at least rcach
Springfield." I
The minister tells the story on himself j
and acknowledges that it cured him.? <
Merchant Traveler.
My Hero.
What signifies the outward show!
Wh it signifies his weal'.h or placet
When we the heart have learned to know,
What do wo care for form or facol
And whut care wo for name or creed
That buried ages may unroll,
If under all wo clearly read
The record of a dauntless soul!
If loyal to his senso of right,
If prompt and sure at Duty's call,
Ho walks, as walking in God's sight,
Bis aim tbe manliest man of all;
Xf helpful as the sunbright day,
If pitiful of other's woos,
He follows in the mas tor's way
And bears a blessing where ho eroos:
If, gaining much, lie loses all,
While summer friends go coldly by,
Ho proves his courago by his fall
Resolved to win the day or die;
With hope alive, in God his trust,
He keeps a spirit kind and true, >
And rises bravely from the dust
To light his weary battle through;
If, working on through pain and loss,
His earnest soul be not cast down;
He bearoth patiently his cross,
While winning steadily his crown;
The man's hero! and wo give
Tho meed of love, which is his due,
No idle praise! but while wo live,
The wreath of bay! the knot of blue!
?Helen Keith,
HUMOROUS.
A pawnbroker is a loanly man.
Always comes out on top.?Your liair.
If you cannot lick a man, be lenient
with his faults.
People who wear pepper-and-salt suits
arc always in season.
The selfish man has most presence of
mind. lie never forgets himself.
"Buffaloes are bred in Kansas," it is
said. They are meat elsewhere.
"This is my sphere," said, a happy wife,
ns she patted her bald-headed husband
on the pate.
A rule that works both ways?When
a fleet goes out on a cruise the crews go
out on the fleet.
"Brass bands are on the increase
throughout the country." Even the dogs
wear them on their necks.
Little Boy?Pa, why does the world
move? Pa (thinking bf something else)
?Because it finds it cheaper than to pay
rent.
Thoughtful young lady (to college
graduate)?Who, in your opinion, Mr.
Muscle, was the noblest Roman of them
all? College Graduate?I used to think
Ilanlan was, but I wouldn't bet a cent
on any of 'em now.
A journalist went into a barber shop
the other day to get his hair cut, and fell
asleep during the operation. The barber,
who awoke him when he had finished,
said to him: "You arc tired. I understand
it. It's the same way with mc when
evening comes. Ah, this head-work w
something terrible 1"
Apnclie Characteristics,
The Apaches and kindred tribes are
among the most cautious fighters on
earth, and also among the most desperate.
Near the close of last year a band
of Chiricahuas numbering eleven killed
twenty-one friendly Apaches living on
the reservation, and twenty-five white
men, women and children. Their superiors
ns prowlers in war probably never
existed. The army officers in Arizona
declare that the Apaches are the ideal
scouts of the whole world, with their
hawk eyes, stealthy motion and sensitive *
ears. Though undersized, they have
broad, deep chests, muscular limbs, and
small, wiry hands and feet. They march
about four miles an hour, halting after a
few hours' tramp long enough to smoke
cigarettes. If no matches are at hand
they bring fire in from eight to forty-five
seconds by rapidly twirling between the
palms a hard, round stick fitted into a
circular hole in another stick of softer
fiber. They will march forty miles a
day on foot across dry plains and precipitous
mountains regardless of the fiercest
heat. The Apache finds food where the
Caucasian would starve. lie can catch
turkeys, quail, rabbits, doves, field mice
uuu pruiric uogs; icast ore a acaa norsc;
gather acorns from the stunted mountain
onk; roast the Spanish bayonet or century
plant, and strip the fruit and seed
from the cactus; dig the wild potato or
bulb of the tule; raid the neat of the
ground-bee | or, if driven to it, keep
down the pangs of hunger with the inner
bark of the pine or the roots of wild
plants. With the rifle and bow he has a
life training. "Every track in the trail,
mark in the grass and scratch on the
bark of a tree explains itself to an
Apache. He' can tell to an hour almost
when the man or animal making them
passed by, and, like a hound, will keep
on the scent until ho catches up with the '
object of his pursuit." "
A Very Successful Case.
First Lawyer?Ah, Dobkins, how did
you come out in that case you wcro just
beginning when I went East?
Second Lawyer?Gloriously. It waa
n perfect succcss. Created a great sensation.
? Papers full of it. Got lota
of advertising out of it. I think it was
the making of my future.
"Good! Glad to hear it, old fellow.
[ knew you4iftil stuff in you. And by
:he way, what did they do to your cli>nt?
"Oh, they hanged him."
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