The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, March 30, 1886, Image 7
1
ir-rilE JOKERS' BUDGET.
I A LITTIjR HtJItfOIlOUS RBADTNO FOR
I THE LK1SUUE IIOUUS.
A Broken Viuo?A ConrtcoiiH C!?mdnctorTho
IIot'n HootM? lie wuh Very Poor?
Not m. i'oct?Tlie Old fSlory, Etc., Etc.
TIIE OLD 8TOKY.
"We all know the story of the Turkish
Cadi who held that there was always a
woman at the bottom of every trouble.
On one occasion there appeared before
. him one of his officers, who stated that
a certain man hud fallen out of the
window and killed himself.
"Where is the woman?" asked the
Cadi.
'It was a man, your sublime high.
Hess," responded tlie otficer.
^Where is the woman?" repeated the
Cadi.
"It was, a man. your ecstatic nobleness,"
humbly reiterated the officer.
"Where is the woman?" fiercely demanded
the Cadi.
"I tell you it was a man who killed
himself, your effulgent radiance,'*
ronrorl tlie nHinop
I Then an explanation followed, when
I it turned out that the man was leaning
I out of his window to look at a woman,
I a few doors off, when lie lost his halancc
I and fell to the ground.
I <(Ahr* cried the Cadi, triumphantly,
I knew there was a woman at the botKrUun
of it; there always is."
H, WHAT BECAME OP TIIE HOOTS.
The other day Dr. llurty's small boy
^fcjranted a pair of rubber boots. The
^Bloctor tried to reason him out of it,
H>ut the youngster persisted in his de^Hnand.
Finally, the doctor told him a
^Hittlc story?one lie had read in the
^Hlewspaper. The boy was all attention,
^Hnd the story proceeded:
"A little boy in Pittsburg had been
^Kven a pair of rubber boots by his
^^Hlther. He waded hi the water with
J^Biem?water ran over the tops of the
^Hoots?boy took cold?mother put his
^^Ket in hot water?grew worse?doctor
^HUrae?little boy died?undertaker?
j^Hnier^."
^ Thl small boy listened attentively to
^ ecixl of the story, and the father was
^^^ngfatulating himself on the impres
Iu lie Imd made, when, with a long
a?, the youngster asked:
'What did they do with the boots ?"
[imianapolis Journal.
i . A I'OET.
Kdgc Dusenberry tqok tea at the
mansion, on Fifth avenue, one
u lust week. Conversing with
w Sykes, Judge Dusenberry reKed:
/am delighted Miss Sykes, with
poetry of your friend, Skimmer
Ifuui, oi course, you yoursell aon't
I poetry."
ow do you know I don't write
y?" replied Miss Sykes, somewhat
*1, for she has written a number of
p for publication.
know you arc not a poetess be'as
a rule, all ladies who write
y are very homely."
?u are quite right, Judge Duaenf"
replied Miss Sykes, with great
ty, "the cares of the household
iijic me from cultivating ?he muses,
|f I were, ever so much disposed to
'"?1'c.c/ui Sif'tings.
CONDUCTORS' COURTESY.
can't let this girl travel over this
on that half-fare ticket," said the
jonductor to the widow Flapjack.
Vhy not? what is the matter with
ptl'c girl?"
\bfic is no ctnia. !Sne is more than
|grown."
iVell, if that don't beat everything
lil'll give it up. Here poor little
tie has been traveling over this road
[child's ticket for the last ten years,
ipow all at oncis you say she is no
4. -That's a new way to worry the
eling public."
l|b paid full fare, and then the di tive
girl in the corner pulled herrout,
so to speak, like a marine tele)e.
A IJASHKUL LOVER.
Js-s-say, Brown, \-you are a m-miried
man; g-g-give m-me a 1-1-little
fctdviee, w-w-will you?"
Certainly, old man. What can I do
you?"
1 1 1 T"> T? T?
K. ui in i-i-iuvc, u-D-urown, wim me
weetcst in th-the w-wfid,
and I th-th-think she 1-1-loves
f I w-w-want to a-ask her to m-m y
me, but I'm b-b-bashful, and 1
t q-q-quite know how to go ab-bSit."
You had better write her a letter,'
sed Brown.
II TIIK WORJI TURNED.
I father had been lecturing h's young
pful upon the evils of staying out
tat night and getting up late in the
hing.
ft ou never will amount to anything,''
rontinued, "unless you turn over o
I leaf. Remember that the earlj
I catches the worm."
Blow about the worm, father," inred
the young man, "wasn't he
ler foolish to get up so early?"
My son," replied the old man, solply,
"that worm hadn't been to bed
til. He was on his way home."
IT WA8 BROKEN.
broke this vase?" asked Miss
^^H*sinfeather's father, as he entered the
one morning and found his daughgathering
up the pieces of a majol;vase.
'George and I broke it between ut
night," was the maiden's innocenl
ixiniKo it oecween you, ma you
11, noxt time young Crimsonbeak
s you better not sit so close."
aid he left his daughter to pondei
what he meant.? Yonker? Statesman.
SOCIAL AMEN1T1K8.
tGrandmamma," said a Murray Hill
mg lady, indignantly, "Clara Van
lyten says that you and grandpapa
)t a corner grocery store when you
re young."
'She is mistaken." said ormnrlni# .
knew she was, the mean, spiteful
^^E'Yes, she is. mistaken," went on the
lady, retrospectively; \"we kept a
^^Vocery store, but it wasn't on a cor
A CAK LOAD.
A Jeffersonville, Madison and Indian*
apolis box car, which had some looso
grain scattered over the floor, was invadod
by a flock of between twentyfive
and thirty goats at Columbus, Ind., 8
when some of the boys closcd the door, !
and the car was taken out to Indianapolis
"empty," as was supposed. On j
arriving at Indianapolis, one of the
brakemen in tlifc yard opened the car ^
door, when the goats jumped out one
niter another, scattering in every direction.
The crew, supposing they had 1
been shipped as freight, engaged in a 1
chase for four hours, capturing fifteen '
of them. They then went to hunt the
agent to see the way bill to find out
how many goats had heen shipped, '
when they discovered the joke.?Col- 1
u minis Despatch.
80 POOR.
"I am poor and unable to obtain
work. Will you kindly give me a dollar
to buy medicine for my sick wife?"
piteously whined a seedy individual to
a passing citizen.
"All bosh, no doubt?well, here'B
the money; don't bother me again,"
was the ungracious reply, as he tossed
him a silver dollar.
"Excuse me, sir, but have you noticed
the latest quotation?" continued
the seedy one, nervously fingering the
coin; "allow me to trouble you for the
other twenty-one cents."?Binyhampton
Jiepublican.
STRUCK A BONANZA.
Smith?Brown, I am glad to see you
looking so well and prosperous. Big
change since I saw you three months
ago. Have you struck a bonanza?
Brown?Yes. You know I am one of
the heirs to the Hyde estate in England,
worth over three hundred millions
of dollars?
Smith (excitedly)?Certainly. You
don't mean to tell me that the thing is
settled?
Brown?Yes, so far as I am concerned.
I've dropped all claims, and am now
mwinrr />lnon of ^"1
VIV/CV> nbiVilllUU tu MUD1I1C99, X
should say I had struck a bonanza 1
SIMILARITY OF CONDITIONS.
She (on board the yaclit Eagle wing)
?How gloriously the fresh breeze fills
the sails, Mr. Dc Salt!
He?Ya'as, the sails are full.
She?And how resplendent the moon
is, Mr. De Salt!
He?Ya'as, the moon's full.
She (getting a little tired)?Ah?do
you know where the captain is, Mr. Dc
Salt?
He?Er?ya'as, below. He's full, too.
REMARKABLE TIME.
"I'm not a sprint runner," said
Charley, "but I made fifty yards once
in remarkably quick time. It was just
that far from the front door to the gate,
and my girl's father held the dog and
allowed me ten seconds to clear the distance."
"I grasp the situation," replied Gus,
"but fifty yards in ten seconds is not
fast time." *
4'No, but when I reached the gate I
had eight seconds to spare."?New York
Hun.
only. t1iis,
At the Funeral of an oil-country resident,
who had been blown up with
nitro-glycerine, a woman who was
taking a last sad look at the remains
said:
"I don't see nothin' but a collar button
an' a piece of plug tobacco."
"Yes, madam," replied the undertaker.
reverently, "that is all that was
ever found."?llarper''s Bazar.
dots and dashes.
It's the little things that tell?especially
the little brothers and sisters.
"Try not the pass," the old man said,
but the old man wasn't a New York
legislator.
"Coo hog to rojr. Jags is not 100."
This looks funny, and it is to expert
telegraph operators. What tried to go
over the wire was: "Come home to
Rome. James is not well."
An Englishman in Madras has, by a
luckv accident, made a nhotop-rnnh nf
> ' # I O K
a tiger in the act of seizing its prey. It
was only a partial success, however, as
he didn't have time to tell the beast to
1 "look pleasant."
Bank cashiers, as a rule, are opposed
to silver dollars. They don't want
them in the banks. There is reason in
this. A bank officer going suddenly to
( Canada couldn't carry silver dollars
enough with him to last a week.
A little New York boy, whose con[
duct made his mother say that she
feared he did not pray, replied, "Yes,
> I do; I do pray every night that God
will make you and pa like my ways
better."
A philanthropist asked the daugh'
ter of a rich manufacturer, who employs
' hundreds of men, if she ever did any!
thing for her father's hands? "No,"
( was the reply, "but I rub mine with
glycerine and oatmeal every night."
Active and Passive. ? Teacher:
"Now, Klaus, if I say the father
blessed his six children, is that active
[ or passive?" "That is active." "Cor!
rect, and what is passive?" "The
father was blessed with six children."
A Would-be Detective.?"Do you
want to be a detective?" "Yes, Herr
Inspector." "Havo you had experi- i
ence?" "I have once discovered a muri
derer, Herr Inspector." "What kind
> of a murderer?" "A suicide, faerr In- i
spector."
Have you ever come across a man
who, when he was to pay for his own
meal, said: "I ain't very hungry, I'lfl
- take something light"; but when sud- i
denly finding that some one else is to ,
' pay for it, musters up an appetite which
; would'do credit to a roan who Usted
fir
upun nipper.
A Pennsylvania schoolmnrm gives
the following sentence from the pen of
her younger and brightest scholar,
[ given in ansncr to the request: "Write
L in twenty words a definition of 'Man'."
i It read thus: "Man is an animal that
i stands up; he is not very big. and he
has to work for a living."
Shk Never Studied It.?"This natural
gas is a wonderful thing," remarked
I Mrs. Fangle, as she sat before the fire
at Mrs. Snagg's. "Yes, indeed, it is,"
? replied Mrs. Snaggs. "I wonder how
i they get' it, and why we never had it
before?" "Indeed I don't know a thing
about it. I never studied gastronomy."
/y/' ' > Vn ?r?*i. /.<; P/ > v' *;
Only an Eyelash.
A well-known financier says that at the
;losc of business hours once he was porng
and perspiring over a long column
>f figures on the balance sheet. The
um total of the column should have
ead six thousand and ninety dollars,
ustead of that amonnt, however, it
ihowed a total of six thousand, nine
lundred and ninety dollars, or nine hunIred
dollais more than he could account
'or. The vexatious mistake caused the
jolonel to scratch his head vigorously
md wonder where the excess whs in the
igonizing column of figures. While going
jver the column carefully for the twentieth
time he discovered the error, and it
was one that would hardly occur once in
x thousand years. One of the colonel's
Eyelashes had fallen on the balance sheet
ind adhered to the first cipher in the line
of figures one thousand dollars.
A Fish Story.
I
One of the eaaiest told in which the |
peculiar Christian name figures is of an i
accident that happened when Preserved I
Fish, just twenty-one years old, had
been made captain of a New Bedsord
whaling vessel. A revenue cutter bore
down upon him and demanded the name
of the brig. "The Flyiug Fish," shouted
back the young commander, "What's
the cvrgo?", was the next question.
"Pickled fish," was answered. "And
who is captain?" "Preserved Fish I"
That government officer couldn't stand
this. He did not propose to be fooled
with and made fun of by anybody in this
way. and on board he climbod with his
lieutenanti, only to find that lhe whole
truth and nothing but the truth had been
told him.
A Silly Fellow.
There is a small class of young men
who imitate English manners, twirl peculiar
canes, give to the varying Btyles of
neckties whatever of attention they are
capable of bestowing on anything, discard
overcoats 1n cold weather, and walk
with their shoulders shrugged into familiarity
with their ears. Their existence
raises a question in etymology. They
tire called duden, but until the appearance
of the class the name was unknown. The
EngHsh language has enjoyed, however,
for an indefinite period of time the
presence of the word doodle. This word
stands for a silly fellow. Our suggestion
is that the class of young men referred
to 8hoflld be called dooih or doodles. We
snail then nave a word which describes a
class and a class which answers to the
word.
Chimneys.
In the year 1200, chimneys were scarcely
known in England. One only was allowed
in a religious house, one inamanoi
house, and one in the great hall of a castlo
or lord's house; but in other houses
the smoke found its way out as it could.
The writers of the fourteenth century
seem to have considered them as the newest
invention of luxury. In Henry VIIL'fi
reign, the University of Oxford had no
fire allowed; for it is mentioned that,
after the students had supped, having no
fire in winter, they were obliged to take
a good run for half an hour to get heat
in their feet before they retired for the
night. Holinshed, in the reign of Elizabeth,
describes the rudeness of the proceeding
generation in the arts of life.
"There were," says he, "very few chimneys;
even in the capital towns the fire
was laid to the wall, and the smoke issued
out at the door, roof, or window. The
houses were wattled and plastered ovei
with clay, and all the furniture and utensils
were of wood." In 1039 a tax of two
shillings were laid on chimneys.
Autograph Hunters.
A wealthy city man who has been
greatly annoyed by the pertinacity of autograph
collectors, had .had a circulai
printed which is mailed to all applicants.
This is a copy:?"My dear . Your
letter asking for my autograph plunges
me into an unenviable embarrassment.
I will confess to you confidentially that
my education has been neglected in
youth, and that I do not write an excellent
copper-plate engraving hand, snch
as would ornament your collection. I
therefore sign this by giving you an impression
from my rubber stamp, which
will show you what can be done in the
tifoiT r\-f r?A/%rl nrinfin/* T ?1-3
WC?J UA gv/uu niinu^ uuu WUUt X WOU1U
be able to do if I had been a good boy at
school."
For thirty years Dr. C. Fawcett has been
physician of the Union Protestant Infirmary,
Baltimore, Md., and his published
opinion is that he has used Red Star
Cough Cure most effectively in curing ob
siiuhmj cougns ana in treating consumption.
Price, 25 cents.
The people who believe in the mind
cure seem to be Badly in need of a mind
cure.
Hon. James Harlan, ex-Vice-Chancellor,
Louisville, Ky., says he uses 8t. Jacobs
Oil, that it is a most extraordinary
and absolute cure for rheumatism and
kindred ailments, and that every family
Bhould have it.
One arm around a pretty girl's waist is
said to be worth two arms around a frosted
lamp-post.
Evbby Moment or our Lives our
bodies are being built up anew with fresh
matter. If the blood is not renewed the
system is poisoned by the worn-out matter
clogging the vital organs, instead of
leaving the body. For weak or impure
blood, producing dyspepsia, biliousness,
fevers, and skin, liver and kidney
troubles, use Dr. Walker's California
Vinegar, Bitters.
Appropriate sign for church in need oi
musicians: Wanted?singers; in choir
within.
How to Curs a Cou>.?1*11 car? any cough
you ever heard of, and with one of the simplest
remedies you ever ?aw; that remedy ia Allen's
Lung Balsam. It contains no opium, and
is perfectly harmless. Mothers can give It to
their children for croup with perfect safety.
Price, 26c., 60c. and $1 per bottle, at Druggists.
There are 25 counties in Kansas that hare Os?>
trc townships in them.
:4$- '?
V . V| " ? ? ^ ' . I J .. ..
We cannot renew youth, but wo can prevent '
gray hair by using Hall's Hair Reuewer.
Ayer's Pilla are a nover-faillnK remedy f?t
headaches, caused by a disordered stumacU.
A Shrewd Bridegroom.
A -Montreal liackman took a couple to
church to be married, and then slipped
olT to earn an extra fare, but was met on
his return by a demand from the bridegroom
for the money he had earned
while away. A policeman being Jit hand
the dumbfounded coachman handed over
the cash rather than get into a lawsuit,
and drove the newly wedded couple
home. And yet we talk of Yankee
shrewdness!
Mother'* 9mlles are the Hnnllght of Home.
There would be icwer clouds and brighter
minshine in many households if every d;BpirIted,
suffering woman realized wliut a boon
Dr. Pierce's "Favorite Prescription" is for all
weaknesses and maladies to which her sex is
liable. No lady who pives this wonderful
remedy & trial will be disappointed by the result.
It not only acts promptly upon all functional
derangement**, but by its rare nervine
a d ionic properties strengthens and repair^
the whole feminine system. Price reduced to
one dollar. By druggists.
A Tioga hunter spent all night up a tree in
dpfprt'TH'ft tl?M nrnvimltv nf n hno r.
Fldlldn, MThe Land of Flowerii"
Is a paradise for tho invalid, and tho "Fountain
of Youth" was onco thought to be hid in
one of its forest glades. It is now the haven of
many consumptives, who find benefit in her
genial warmth and fragrant flowers. The consumptive
invalid need not necessarily go bo fax
from homo and friends to get relief. For if
not in the last stages of the disease. Dr. R. V.
Pierce's "Golden Medical Discovery" will restore
to perfect health. For all chronic throat,
bronchial and lung diseases it is a most relia
ble 6pucit)c. By druggists.
The sea has swallowed up a Faroe Island. The
sea will play poker next.
It outrivals all?Dr. Sage's Catarrh Remedy.
May a vessel upon which a court-martial is in
session be defined as a courtship?
A Squalling Baby.
"Why Is a newly-born baby like a gale of wind?
Socj.ubi it begins with a squall. Cold gales inluce
coughs and croup? Taylor's Cherokee
Remedy of Sweet Gum and Mullein will cure it.
Petroleum V. N'nibr.
D. R. Locke, Petroleoin V. Nasby, editor
Toledo "Blade," writes: "1 liad on n forefinger
of my right hand one of those pleasant pets, a
'run-round.' Tho linger becamo inflamed te a
degree unbearable and swollen to nearly twice
its natural size. A friend gave me Henry's
Carbolic Sai.vk, and In twenty minutes
the pain had so much sul>sidcd as to give me a
fair night's rest, which I had not had before
for a week. The inflammation left the finger
| in a day. I consider it a most valuable article."
MENPVAN'8 PEITON17.KD UKKK TONIC. thOOTlly
preparation of beef containing its entire nutritious
properties. It contains blond-making
force.cenerating anil life-sustaining properties;
invaluable for .iidigeMion, dyspepsia, nervous
prostration, and all forms of general debility:
also, in all enfeebled conditions, whether the
result of exhaustion, nervous prostration, overwork
or acute disease, particularly if resulting
from pulmonary complaints. Caswell,Hazard <fc
Do., Proprietors. New York. Sold by druggists.
Why continue the use of Irritating powder
nnuttu or liquids. Ely's Cream Balm, pleasant
or' application and a sure euro for Catarrh,and
cold tn the head, can b.; h:id for 50 cents, at
druggists It Is ea^ilv applied With the linger.
sa{eand pleasant and is curing the most ol>stinp.t?*
cases. It gives relief at once. We will
mail it at 00 cent*. Ely Bros., Owefeo, N. Y.
I had a severe attack of catarrh over a ye?r
ago, and became so deaf 1 could not hear common
conversation. L suffered terribly from a
roaring In my head. I procured a bottle of
Ely's Cream Baim, and in three weeks could
hear ius well as I ever could, and now I can
cheerfully say to all who are afflicted with 'he
woist of diseases, catarrh and dearness. takono
bottle of Ely's Cream Balm and be cured.
It is worth ?1,000 per bottlo to any man,woman
or child suffering from catarrh.?A. E. Now
m?n |S 1?11 <">
- - vjixtMj AitiK, v. Utll aUIUU*
"Better late than never," but better never
late when-troubled with a cough or cold. Take
Dr. Bigelow's Positive Cure at once, which
euros all throat and lung troubles speedily
' and thoroughly. Pleasant for children, 60
cents and $1.
To err Is human, but you mnke no mistake if
you use Dr. Jones' Red Clover Tonic for dyspepsia,
costiveness, bad breath, piles, pimples,
axue and malaria, poor appetite, low spirits, or
diseases of the kidneys,stomach and liver. 50c ta.
Frazer Axle (Jrenac.
Don't work your horse to death with poor axle
grease; the * razer is the only reliable make.
Use it once, and you will have no other.
The best. Ankle Root and Collar Pads are
made of zinc and leather.
If afflicted with sore eyes use Dr. Isaac
Thompson's Eye Water Druggists sell it 25c.
Bronchitis is cured by freqvent small doses
of Piso's Cure for Consumption.
Stamnincr irroimrt.?Thn ru^af
HedStar
TRADE VW MARK.
coughcure
FVm from Opiates, JVmetlea and, Foiton.
ISrI: OKcts.
prompt.
AT Dhuooutb ju?D DULEU.
THE CHARLES A. TOOK UK CO., BALTIMORE. MP.
ft Tirnnf An
3i uil
hh
I1EKMAN REMEDY
^ . 0% _ Curat Rheumattan, Neuralgia,
For Pa n
WB Mill AT DRUOGI9T8 AND DKALKU&
THE CUAU.U A.TOOUU CO?BALTIUORB, MB.
FOR COUGHS, CROUP AND
CONSUMPTION USE
V A VI fill's^
I
^mi
OF SWEET era MD MLLEM.
by all dnuoriftta at 26 oonti and' *f.fe Mr botUik
WALTER A. TAYLOR, AtlHte, U>.
FINE Bloodod cBfj* Bb-Pu Hogm.
III
W- >r'*> 4:r i v v >, ?*7
1 - > V. * . *. ' ' V
All
1 ^55?^ ? 1
in ifpic
|=g?=| 1=1 Irl |jl ?~ ? inb o 1
BEST TONIC. ?
This medicine, combining Iron with pure
vegetable tonics, quickly and completely ,
CuTfi DjapepiU, Indlmtlon, weak- I
nrai, Impure Blood, Hklaria, Chills |
and Feveri, and Neuralgia. I
It in an unfailing remedy for Diseases of the
Kidney and Liver.
It is invaluable for Diseases peculiar to i
Women, and all who lead Bcdent&ry lives.
It does not iniure the teeth, cause headache, or I
produce constipation?other Iron medicines do.
It enriches and purities the blood, I
stimulates the appetite, aids the assimilation 1
of food, relieves lleartburn and Belching, and <
strengthens the muscles and nerves. ;
For Intermittent Feveri, Lassitude,
Lack ot Energy, etc., it has no equal.
ttT The genuine has above trade mark and ,
crossed realities on wrapper. Take no other. j
wU oalr br BtlOWI CUBIICAL CO? BALTIMORE- HDL
S Best Const h Syrun. Tastes Rood. Use f?f
PrJ In time. Hold bv druggists. Kq
"Piso'g Cure for Consumption aaved my life."?
L. L. Whiplk, Druggist, Kintuer. Mich.
"fed CORES WHERE ALL ELSE FAILS. I?"
Eg Best Cough 8yrup. Tastes good. Use B8
|U in.time. Hold by druggists. H
f*-'-1 'T'f'liftll'MMWQl
"Will bay no other Cough Medicine &s long as we
can goiPlso's Cure."?C. B. Laoimeb, Kirkwood, 111.
Ifl?- CM E S WMER EA 11 t
K3 Best Cough Syrup. Tastes good. Use B9
Eh tn time. Hold by druggists. HI
"Pin's Curo cured me of Consumption."?Wm. E.
Robebtson, Brandy wino, Md.
fe|i| CORES WHERE ALL ELSE FAILS. H]
H Best Cough Syrup. Tastes good. Use
Crl In time. Sold by druggtots.
KHDSTSEim!V33VSmRii
y^n ?? >a??y
"Piso's Cure for Consumption is the best medicine
we evor mod."?o. L. Boficb. Abilkne, Kans.
El Bent Cough Syrup. Tost en good. Use PI
JJrf In time. Sold by dnigglito. 1*1
"Piso'? Cure for Consumption isdoina wonders foi
ille."?II. H Stanselj* Newark, N. Y.
IB Beet Cough Syrup. Tastes (rood. Use W
EH in time. Hold by druggistw. IM
CONTAGIOUS!
1 am a native of England, and while I was In that
country I contracted a terrible blood poison, and To*
two years was under treatment an an out-door pa- i
llent at Nottingham Hospital. England, but was not |
cured. I suffered the most agonizing pains In my i
bones, and was covercd with sores all over my body I
.nd limbs. Finally I completely lost all hope ir, J
'hat country, and nailed for America, and was
treated at Roosevelt In this city, as well as by a 1
rominent physician in New York having no con
*? 'ion with the hospitals. 1
1 saw the advertisement of Swift's Specific, and I
determined to give It a trial. I took six bottle* and
I can say with grout Joy that they have cured r?o
utlrely. I am aa sound aitd well as I ever was lu
uiy life. L. Fried. Haltord.
New York City, Jane 13th, 1S8S.
Treatise on Blood and Skin Diseases mailed free.
Tut Swift Specific Co.. Drawer 3, Atlanta, Ga
N. Y.. 157 W. 23d St.
rtflYfTmr ll,,a vv *??? * * MaMI'AM cared
111* I 11 iff n without pain. Book oi
y| lUlli particular* neni Free.
mmmmmkD' at.wuuL.uKy, M. D., Atlanta, Oa I
bl??V Dill* Great English Gout ui
Blair S HIS. Rheumatic Remrty. !
Oval llox. S1.00> roint, 60 eu. ,
EDEC * S&afts LOVE
PIlFE^tbt Union Pnb. Co., bU V k
^ IB HB Newark. N.J. Send ?tamps for post'tf.
O A T BMTO Obtained. Send stamp for
I t I O Inventors' Guide. L- fciNakam.
Patent I^awyer, Washington, D. C.
a flCAITf* WANTED For a Good Selling
n H P* IS I Household Article. Send 2-ceut
HU ? stamp for Sample and Terms.
A. oounmo A QO.. gQ2 WiiliamBtreat, N. Y, City.
DTO0TA1IQ *? Soldiers A Hein. Bend stamp for
rriRAll RhCircolUf. WL. L. B4KGHAM,
& JUiVUlUIVU Afc'f. Washington, I>. U.
THQRSTOrS ko*h1T00TH POWDER
ilwylac TMtk Perfect U< Oiw Healthy.
ksssl
\ ^ Th?rt8HBBANDBLI(
A fft -? __ __ m V \1 tb* hardeat atorm. T!
* ?\U D U Rft" corar* tbo entlro ??ddli
11 D |1 t? * Brand" trade-mark. I
imustangi
Siirvival of the Fittest!
A FAMILY MEDICINE THAT HAS HEALEDI I
MILLIONS DICING 35 YEARS I
HOIUI HD^MS U1IHUT.I
A BALM FOB EVERY WOUSD OFH
BXAItf AND BEABTI |
The Oldest & Best Liniment! ,
EVER MADE IN AMERICA.
SALES LABGEE THAH EVER. I
The Mexican Mnstanf Liniment hasl
been Known for more than thlrty-flveH
years ft" the best of all Liniment*. forH
Man an?3 Beast. Its sales to-day areH I
larger than ever. It euros when allH
others fall, and penetrates skifi.' tendon!
and mnsoi* to tha very bone. SoldK ]
everywhere.
25 26
IEHTS h?*/4^W^>CEm
for / ?o3t n f?r
;ough>^^^sCroup
^hg balsa^
THE BEST AND CHEAPEST
COUGH or GROUP
I?/IE HtvH IE 1ZD"Y*
\S AN EXPECTORANT IT HAS NO EQUAL.
It Contains no Opium in Any Form.
allen's lun<; balkan id Three siae
Jottlos, Price UH Cents, SO Centn and 91 Per Bottle.
The 'J5-C?nt Bottle* are put up for the accommodation
>f all who desire simply a Cough or Croup Remedy,
[hose debiting a reineay for CONSUMPTION or any
LUNG DISEASE should eccure tho largo $1 bottles.
Price, 258., 50c. and $ I par Bottle.
SOLD BY ALL MEDICINE DEALERS.
V iNEGAR BiTTERS
In t!io groai Blood Purlflorand Life-giving
Principle; a Gentle Purgative and Tonic; a perfect
Renovator and Invigorator of the system.
In Vinegar Bittern there iB vitolity bat
no alcoholic or mineral poison.
UiwcavcM of the Skin, of whatever name
or nature, are literally dug up and carried out of
the system in a short time by the uso of the Bitters.
Vinegar Bittern allays feverishness. It relieves,
and in time cures Rheumatism, Neuralgia,
Gout, and similar painful diseases.
Vinegar Bitters cures Constipation and
prevents Diarrhoea. C
Never before has a medicine been compounded
possessing the power of Vineoab BitTEiis
to heal the sick.
Send for either of our valuable reference
books for ladies, for farmers, for merchants, our
Medical Treatise on Diseases, or our Catechism
on Intemperance and Tobacco, which last should
be read by every child and youth in thd land.
Any two of the above books mailed free on
receipt of four cents for registration fees. *
44. H. McDonald Drag Co., 632 Washington St. N.Y.
BNUIO
mmm 5 ton
|IMJh wagon scales,
Iran Ltvtn, BImI Burton, Bra*
S'S'ItBIWll T?r? Bom sad Baira Box.
IkdhI
KIKMHSKfVlVCnil JON ICS h# p?jrt th. fr.lgbl?for
KliilalUlUUIlkll Frtro LUt mention (hi* p?p?r
^dr..,.JBHES_0F BI?Q^A?{T0N,
UlUgUUUlUlig ?% *
Salvo CORES DRUMKEHHES^
Ud Intemperanre, not Instantly,,
tout effectually. The onlrsclentlflc antf
#B dote for the Alcohol Hnblt and the
_7t only remedy that dares to send trial]
bottles. Highly endorsed by the medleal
profession and prepared by well(V
known New York physicians. Send,
stamps for circulars and reference*.
K Address "SAXVO -REMEDY,"
No. 3 West Uth 8t-. New York
No Rope to Cut Off Horses' Manes, kk
Celebrated 'ECLIPM-;' HAI,TEIt M
and ItlMDliK i.ombiiied, cannot
toe Sllppe<l by any home. Sample /^yiwk
Halter to any part of U. S. free, on WitfWl
receipt of $1. Sold by all Saddlery. JIKj)
Hani wart? niul Harness Dealers. J&wJ
Spcclal discount to the Trade. r^S JL^k
Send for Price-List. V*
J. C. LIRlITIIOimE, J \>
Ruche>t.Tt \. Y. w.i
CONSUMPTION.
I hare m poslUvo rsmedy for tbe abova dlwug; by lfr
IN.th?a>uili of cuei of tba wont ltlod and of font
atandlnn ha*a boenenrad. In<l??i1..-ostmnBl?roTfkltB
Inltaaf&cacr.thatl wl.t ml TWO BOTTLES Kit El,
together with a VA l.UABI.ETRE ATISX on thla dlwat*
to any luffrrcr. GlTa??T"-??s?-ul Y O. xddr- ?.
Dtt. T. A. guic~tm.ui P?.-arlSt.. Kaw Tort.
MflDDUINE Chloral and
IyIIIIV r VIIN topium Habits
US1LY t'DRKU. a DVlCK FRBK.
OR. J. C. HOFFMAN, Jefferson, Wisconsin.
6lO Invasfed In a Magic Lantern
M will earn you an eaa\j. profitable living.
Most Brilliant Oil Light.
PRICES REDUCED. 8enil for catalogue.
Emanuel I. 8. Hart, 185 Fifth A-ve.. New York.
MEM ONLY.
EllCn MANHOOD. DEIHI.ITY, NEK
IVIftill VOIISNESS. WEAKNESS. HSo
quackery. INDISPUTABLE PROOFS.
Book by mall, SEA LED, FREE.
JK1LIA MEDICAL. CO.. Hl'FFALO, N. Y.
DAY UIUCH PIIRCn Having Bulficieu' oontt
11 nnui WUflCUi dence in our ability and
the willingness of mankind to pay when tbe cure is
mnde. wm cure all chronic diseases and ask no pa* for
our professional services until after the cure is effected.
Des. ribe your case fully and send stamp for Instructions.
Address Dr. I*' I>- BAKEUi Box
?'M Buffalo, N. Y. r
t'ucti uuuila, t?ei, *ud all their lm4iperfections.
including Facial Dovelop/R*<5bF
inent, Superfluous Hair. Mole*. Wart*.
VhW Motb, Freckles. Red Nose. Acno, Bi'k
J?4 s. Heads, Scars. Fitting & their treatment.
Dr. John Woodbury. SI N.Pe?rl St., Albah>
/^?ftny.N.Y. Est'b'd 1HT0. Send ltfe. for iKiok.
WANTED I^dlt* and Gentlemen to
?LSLLiMb take Ilcht work at their
own homes. 81 to 8'i a day easily made.
Work sent by mail. No canvassing W?
bave good demand tor our work, ana fur.
uish steady employment. Address, with
tisnp.Csowx ilyu.Co..v?* V'??est..Cln.o.
.
nrmn NAMK quick for Prof. Moody's tSw IUnitrataA
U Book 00 Drcu Makluf, New Dolraau, and Mantis
LJeiitUiiI, ?to? Atanla ?1110 a day. Pr?fJIOODt,C1??laaill,(X.
ni/rn HT.1-? ? i
UIVLUTT
TKEBle warranted watv-proof, and will krcp yon dry la
he new POMMRL 8UCKSR li a perfect lidlsg coat, and
9. Beware of Imitation*. None genuine without tb? "Hah
llnatrated Catalogue free, Jt. J. Tower, Boaton, "?
PENN YROYAL PILLS
"CHICHESTER'S ENGLISH."
The Original and Only Gcnntae.
aft and alms Bailable. Beware cf worth I?a ImHatU?.
S??feLb.M?!, 5*
(tump*) 7 ui tor puiinllll in ItUtr by I lltM "*
Piso.'s Remedy for Catarrh to the Hfe
Beat, Easiest to Use, and Cheapest.
Also food fhr Cold In the Head,
Headache, Hay Fever, Ac. CO casta. gg
A lift ?*P*^a^K<>Bui^i^M4 > q?i?* mi. TrM pMh*
Dr.'WAfe'p a doTr^PiSiSI; gQ.
|n?er8a?? ill ^WOtTed itonw.
BIIKTS. proau>Uy doYcloped In natural manner.
Mealed pnrticuuVt ctf. In ftarnpa.
CHEMICAL CO. ^>47 Bfo^^>r, Nfm York. ^
' ''-ci > ?$ "''it"' S - v* ' < ' S *'AV'*v"^ ^