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[CONTINUED FROM FIRST PAGE.] To say that Judge Cannon was dumb-founded would be putting it entirely too tamely. Ile was a whole dumb asylum. As soon as his bewildered men tal faculties could rally a little he bawled out: 'Ben Fitch has been tellling you some infernal lie on us, and I'll fine him $50 for c ontempt of court if he does'nt take it back at once.' 'Col. Fitch is a gentleman, sir, and don't tell lies on nobody,' hotly retorted the old lady, while 'Col. Fitch' had ignominiously re tired behind a group of lawyers out of range of the fiery glances of the indignant Judge. Everybody present except Can non, Jonas and the irate landlady were now writhing in the convul sion of laughter. 'Do you dare stand here and tell me and these gentlemen' (with Small cap. emphasis on 'gentle men') 'that this thing here is a man? Hey?' screamed the angry hostess, livid with Iage, and still shiaking her long finger of concen trated scorn at the pale and tremb ling Jonas. She then made a bound forward, like a cat pouveing upon a crouching rabbit, and seiz ing his glossy silk hat and pointing the same scornful finger to the in nocent little tucking comb, ex claimed: 'Look at that, gentlemen. and tell me what ought to he dlone with a deestrick judge who would have sech an ugly old female s, areerow as she around the circuit with hin. an' then have the insurance to try to pass her off for a main, an' in a1 Velapcctable hotel at that! I t's a reg'lar outrage on society, a' say they both had ought to be tarr ed and feathered, anT' Ihoen rid on a rail out of this here town.' Th~1e hilarious lawyvers then andl there assemibled (did not ride 'th' gulilty parties' on a rail, but soe body paid for seve al gallons of good, pure, old-ti me fiutid extract of rye on that memorable night. Mrs. Carolina white, of Laurens County, who is fifty y'ears old, re( PEno ty elop~ed wVith John RIoge.~rs. we ho is only twent y-on.e, an~d the 'ou ple we're married at Eastman. --Georgia Exchange. -Physicians ters ust; that it i,~ unhealthyi3 to' it t ii '.our heels 'higher than) your hca' I Peopi.- who have f'ormned the habit of sitting dIown on the icy pavem'uit in thi.r. position shoul d profit by3 the ini 'or mnation. --Journalist are nobhle meu ; t);ey alwava~ gr in for the writ. WHERE THE OLD MAIDS COME IN.-'Do you know, sir,' inquired an American tourist of his compan ion, while doing Fugland, 'can you inform me the reason for the fresh, healthful appeatrance of the Eng lish people? Their complexion is far superior to ours or our coun trymen over the herring-pond.' 'Well, I know what Prof. Hux ley says.' 'Anl what reason does lie ad vance?' 'Well, Huxley says it is all ow ing to the old maids.' 'Owing to old mrids! You sur prise me., 'Fact. Huxley figures it out this way. Now. You know the Eng lish are very fond of roast beef.' 'But what has that to (1o witir old maids !' 'Go slow. Th is genuine English beef is the best and muiost nutritiou s beef in the wvorbl, and it iinparts a beautiful comnplexion.' 'Well, about', the obl Ilids?' 'Yes. you see the excellence of this English beef is due exclusively to red clover. )o yu see the point?' 'All but the Ol maids. They are still hovering in the shadows.' 'Why, (lon't you see ! This red clover is enriched, sweetened and fructiflied by buml de-hees. 'But where do the Old! maids come in ?' said the iiiquistive Amer ican, wiping hilS brow wearily. 'Vhy, it is as plain as the nose on you r face. Tle only enem) of the hu)mble-hee is the field-mouse. 'But what have roast beef, red clover bumble-bees anid fiel-mice got to (10 With old Imaids?' 'Why, you mnu1ist be very obtuse. D~on't you perceive that the bum-. b)le-hees woul soon become exter iinat ed by the Iield-mnice if it were not for--' 'Old maids ?' 'No, if it were n-4t for eats, and' the 01(1 maids of Oh! Englatnd keep the country thoroughly stockedl up with cats, and so we c'an dlirectly trace the effects of thme rosy English complex ions to the benaign cause of English old maids ;at least, that's just whereC the old lmaidls come in. Sciiee makes clear many my'ste r i'ous thing. S -' Why dlon't yugtup as ear ly as you uisedl to aL few days ago?' angrily askeud a w'fe of her lazy husnbandu. 'le,-aluse, my (lear, it's sleep year,' he grinned, as he tur ed ove for another snooze. Y'mur faiher is entirely bald nAow, isn't he ?, said an A ustin man to the son of a inillioniaire. 'Yes,' rep~lied the youth, adly, 'i'm the! onliy heir he has left.' -A deaf old fellow, charged with stealing a hog, was arraigned before a oourt. The jury without leaving the box returned a verdict of guilty. 'Old man,' said his law yer, 'the jury says you are guilty.' MIay ?' 'The jury says you are guilty,' shouting in his ear. 'In wN:hat degree?' 'Them e are no de grees in a stealinY case.' 'llay?' 'iThere are no degrees.' 'Guilty all over, am I?' 'Yes.' 'Hay ?' 'Yes,' yelling at the top of his voice. 'Well, that's what I told you at first, but you said you could clear n e. Wish now that I had got the judge to difend me. Will get him next tiie.'-Arkansaw 'Traveler. The power of love can transport a five-pound box of caraiels twen ty-five blocks before marriage, but after that it breaks down under as little as a gum drop. -I)octor--iThere, get that pre scription filled and take a table spooiful three times a daiy before meals.' Pauper Patient---'But docto' I don't get but one meal in two (lays.' Probably the mnanest thing that a man ever said was uttered by Fogg to-day. Being asked his idea of the best renedy for poly gamy, lie promptly replied: .'Mrs Fogg.' --Upon the death of one dear to us we filnd consolation in the belief that the pain (if our loss will nev er- abate. -Wilkie Collii's iiew story is called bi Say No.' Somebody must have been tryin2 to borrow a five pound note of Wilkie. ---Mr. Sissenmdorf always trem bles when his wife sings in church, with pray erful earnestness: 'Oh for a thousand tongues !' EasleyAcademy. First Sessi-mf for' 1884, will begin Janu ary 14th, and continue Six School M~onths. Primary Dep'm'nt, per month, $1.50 lntermediate " "2.00 Academgia ":".00 'elect Conrse, " " 2.50 Inscident al Fee, per Session, 50 Music ext ra. Board in, private families, per Month,................... 1.00 Eaceh sch'lar's pro rata~ of Plic Fundsiz wvill be dleductedI from his TI'ui Iilon (during the P'ublic Term, which begins .January 1.. W For Par'ticula1rS. addres C. W. MOORE, Principal, Easley, S. C. jan 4, 1884-3m -.ubscribe for' Tnij MumanonuI THE NEW HOME SEWING MAN11U THE MOST POPUIJAt -we 0 190^L.Pm EKWINE N1AEHINEB IHTiUNNINQ ' .e SUP# "As 0o ALWAYS EQUL N ORDE ep4 L7lSA 47\ L F'ETI MB E SURPASSES? OTHERS 30 UNION SQ. NEW YORK GHICAGO ILL.Ge 0 9RANGE MAS S. J. T. ARNIOLD, EAEr., s. 04., For the C'ouanIes of' Pi eume, Oconee an(d part o1 Anderson-e WEil futrnish Needles for all MFiachies, andl all kinds of Sewing Mach in e Supplies. 1 wilt atlso Repair Machines. Any, work left at the store of Hud gen fs & Hludgens will receive promipt atten tion. A supply of/ ANeecdies a n d OIl wV II be founcZ at the same place Feb R..tt