The Horry herald. (Conway, S.C.) 1886-1923, April 30, 1908, Image 4
SOME GOOD REASONS.
wiiy til k cotton ackkagn
should hi: hkdi cki>.
A Hig OTop This Year Mrans Klvc
Cent Cotton and llnrd Times For
the South.
The following circular letter has
been sent out by Mr. J. A. Taylor,
president of the National (linnet's
association:
Cotton has reached the lowest point
since Jan. t. 1903, except from November
to May of the big crop year
of 1904-05, when it sold two cents
per pound lower than this. What has
caused this decline of three cents
per pound in spite of the fact that
me col ton crop of tho world Is about
4.500,00 short of last year's crop?
The only answer that I can find is
"Lack of Confidence." The reta'Vr
Is not buying except as he no als the
goods, the jobber is doing th es.tine,
consequently the mills have no orders
ahead, while last year, and fo - several
years past, they have liau orders
booked from three to six months
in advance.
What causes this lack of confidence?
They are afraid we will raise
a bumper crop of cotton again this
year. Why tire they afraid of a large
crop? They look at the past. In
19011 we had a short crop and good
prices, which was followed by a large
acreage and good seasons and a bumper
crop. Tho next year. 190f?-0fi,
we had a short crop and good prices,
which was again followed by a large
acreage and a bumper crop.
Had it not been for the September
storm in tho Mississippi valley and
the exceptionally good trade the market
would probably have gone to
eight cents or under for the crop. We
got a good average price for the good
grades in the crop, and a large acreage
was set aside, for cotton hist season,
but owing to th eweather during
planting time the acreage was cut
some and crop poor in Texas and
Louisiana enabled up to get a good
price for the most of this crop.
A month ago every indication was
that we would have a large acreage
this season, and the people did not
care to place heavy orders for cotton
goods, knowing that with a large
acreage and fair season we would
V produce more cotton than the world
needed and the price of cotton goods
would decline. They are good business
men and you can't fool them
How can we restore confidence? In
place of planting the same acreage
as last season in cotton plant 25 pei
cent. less. As soon as the acreage report
is out in .June or even before
the trade will know that there will
l>e a moderate crop raised this yeai
and we will have the old time activity
in the cotton trade. Jobbers will
place their orders ahead lo enable
them to supply their trade and the
mills will contract in advance for
supplies of cotton and the market
will advance much faster than it has
declined.
The result, will lie I hat you will
market a crop of 11,500,000. If the
weather conditions should be unfavorable
for the growing crop and it
jshould turn out a million hales lessit
would sell for 15 cents and bring
a total of nearly $800,000,000 and
add to this the value of the feed crops
that can he grown on the acreage
Intended for cotton and it will give
us another $50,000,000.
Suppose that you plant the same
acreage as last year and with favorable
weather we would likely make
anyway 13,000,000, possilny more.
What would the price lie under the
present trnde conditions? Not over
an everage of 8 cents per pound and
persaps lower. Say that it averaged
$4 0 per bole the crop would bring
$520,000,000; at least $300,000 000
loss to the south. How to bring
about this reduction?
It is not too late yet to plant corn,
alfalfa, sorghum cane, millett or cowpeas
for hay. Or it will pay you to
let tli<* land lie die tor a s \m>u
rather than plant, in in cotton at a
loss. Let every planter that reads
this article at once arrang.? to reduce
his own acreage in cotton and
show the article to his neighbor, or
better call a meeting sit every country
school house in the south and
discuss this matter intelligently, then
go home resolved that each one will
do his part.
If you hsive any neighbors that will
not reduce send me their names and
1 will take the matter up with each
one personally. This is no small
matter, and 1 hope that members of
the Southern Cotton association and
the Farmers' Union will stand 'side
by sido in this great fight.. With a
heavy acreage Wall street wll set ihe
price for our cotton cron. with a
light acreage we can get our own
price within reason.
Don't delay, but get busy at once.
There is plenty of *tinie yet if you
will only do your part. In 1905 by
reducing the acreage 1 f? per cent, the
price advanced f> cents per pound, j
and we can do it again. I will be
glad to hear from every farmer that
reads this and indorses it.. Do you
want to return to the old days of
5-cent cotton? If not, join this movement
and we will make the south
more prosperous than ever. *
The time you can depend on a woman
is when you can't on anybody
J-C. j.tB
I&W.
ILLINOIS FOIl lilt VAN.
Instructs Her Delegates to Vole and
Work for llim.
The* Illinois State Democratic Con
ventlon, which met at Springfield on
Thursday, adopted 'be unit re'e am"
insliacted its delegates to the National
Convention at Denver to vote
for W. J. Itrynn and '<? "use all honorable
means" to secure bis nomination.
The resolution endorsing Mr.
Hryan was adopted with enthusiasm
and a Mattering demonstration followed
the action. One by one the
Western States are falling in line lot
the great Commoner. *
I'LIM HIOIl'S CAIIIOLF.SSMOSS
Caused the Death ol a Young Lady
in Kronklyn.
Miss (Jrace Hneklev, the 21-vearold
daughter of II. II Min k lev of No.
1198 llalsey street. Brooklyn, was
killed Tuesday night by gas asphyxiation,,
said to be caused by the carelessness
of a plumber. The gas jet in
her bed room was fixed the day before
by the plumber who tightened
the stopcock so that it was impossible
to turn it completely off; and Tuesday
when her grandmother, found
Miss Buckley dead in bod and the
gas escaping front the fixture. A
physician was called but lie stated
the girl had been dead for some
hours.
APPFAL TO TFDDY.
Newspapers Ask llelicf From the
Paper Trust Fxuctions.
The annual meeting of the Associated
Press was held at the WaldorfAstoria
Hotel in New York with an
exceptionally large attendance of
members from till sections of the
country on Tuesday. Aside from the
transaction of purely routine business
affecting the organization, the most
important action taken was the presenting
and adoption of tin address
asking the President and the Congress
to "grant immediate relief
from the exaetions of comIdnations of
paper makers." The assoeation had
a banquet on Wednesday night at
which W. J. Dryan was the chief
speaker.
(l(M)h FISH STOItY.
' Dog Drowned hy Dig Trout in a
.
Fierce Struggle.
' A small dog belonging to A. 10.
Case, of Dayton, Wyo., was dragged
into Tongue river hy a trout and
drowned. The dog accompanied
Ctise's little son on a lishlng trip.
The hoy hooked a lisli large enouuh
1 to Jerk the fishing rod into the water.
The hoy sent the (log after it, hut
thu trout hauled the dog and pole,
about until the dog was earrled down
the rapids and drowned in sight of
his master. The hoy recovered the]
pole and after a hard struggle landed |
the trout, which weighed four pounds
1N I XCTIOXS PKIt.M \XKXT.
Temporary Orders Issued by Justice
Ciary Made Perpetual.
Charleston blind tigers will have
to behave themselves or go to jail.
The Supreme Court Tuesday evning
rendered decisions in 8 of the Char
leston dispensary injunction cases
the temporary injunctions previously
granted by Associate Justice Gary be
ing in each case made permanent
the opinion of the Court being writ
ten by Justice Gary. These are case
additional to those in which perms
nent injunctions have already boei
granted on the petition of the Attoi
ney General.
The Girl Who Works.
God bless her. She is brave an
active. She is not too proud to ear
her living or ashamed to be eaugl
nt her daily task. She smiles a* yo
from behind the counter or desk J
is an honor to know this girl t_. 1
worthy of her regard. Her hanr
may be stained by dish wnshin.
sweeping, factory grease or ici.uiii
ink, but it is an honest and he'ptn
hand. II stays misfortunes ire;
names; it is our shield which pr?
tccts many a forlorn litt'.e famil
fiom almshouse and the asvluiu.
Little Boy Killed.
Martin, the little son of Mrs. Join
15. Fletcher of the Pine Grove sectio
.11 ? .1 I . <r .
vji iTKii luuiu , uicu at 1 . i iJ |
m., as the result of Injuries receive
in a runaway accident Sunday.
Mrs. Fletcher was returning froi
church with her son and daughter. .
break in the harness frightened th
horse and caused it to run awaj
Martin was first thrown out, his hea<
striking a log. The little girl war
next thrown from the vehicle, but
her injuries are not serious.
Curtis must think that the Democrats
of the South are a lot of imbeciles.
He says Bryan is the mas
ter, although there is a deep resent
ment and a widespread distrust, the
Southern Democrats will nominate
him at the convention and at the
polls vote for him. Wonder if the
people for whom this man Curtis
'writes believes such stuff as tin
above which is a fair sample oj
what he dishes up for them.
A man's idea is that his baby has
a first tooth because its daddy I?
so smart.
The "good old summer time" Is
about here, as witness the shirt
sleeve brigade.
A TO! CIIING AI'PKAti.
Voting Ijnvjcr jiikI I'ariMcr MdnartU
White SjHittf*! Si?w.
A North Carolina Inwyor sends tht
following clipping from a newspaper
which shows that the days of tru
' >q oMiee . iv< not ins. ed
"This was a trial in t'uacol Count:,
nr.t Tennessee," said the lawyer
pad the Indictment of defendant \sa:
t'o?* killing the prosecutor's hog.
"The facts were that the prosecu
or lived on the head of a stream, a no
?li" defendant lived about a mile ot
iwo further down tfie stream, and
n the month of May, the prosecu
i r's old sow got ?nu and strayed 01
town the valley iind got in the de
? mlaiit : Held and rooted up his corn
! he alligation was that the defend
int killled her, mangling her up preh
v badly, and cutting her up wifl
knives.
A young barrister named Smith
who had just got his license, wai
employed to aid Ih?? solicitor In th<
prosecution. The case was set foi
trial, and tiie attorney arose, and
! with a very'solemn air. said.
"'May it please jour honor, ani
you, gentlemen of the Jury, since tlx
days of the assassination of the la
meiKed president of the Unite*
States, Abraham Lincoln, no sucl
ioui crime has stained our country'!
escet *heon j?s th?? assassination oil
.lack I0d wards black and whit*
spotted sow. (lent lemon of the Jury
abd may it ploa.se your honor, go wltl
me to the place f the tragedy anc
contemplate the scone and the clr
pii insta nces. Or that lovely morn
Ipg in Max when the earth was dross
ed i| her robes of green and the ait
filled with the smell of aweet-sceiites*
flowers and enlivened by the volet
>f merry songsters, as that old sow
walked forth In her innocence dowt
that little stream, listening to th?
music of t h -? waters, little did slu
dream that before the king of daj
hid himself behind the western horl
/.on she should become the victim
a foul assassination."?(hist! aiu
Comment.
No Trouble nt All.
One day last summer ti (lerman en.
tered an establishment of a photographer
in a Southern town, and ?.f j
:er severul glances about the place
observed mournfully that the photo- i
grapher did not :.eem to have th? i
properties essential to the taking ot
a plot ur* he desired.
'I should like a hlcture of mesell
veepin' peside my vtfe's grafe," h*
said. 'Maype yon fix a grave here it
le shop for me?"
"I am afraid I haven't the neees
sary iceessones," said the photo
graphe;. Then, with an attempt, a'
facetlousness, he suggested:
'C'oridn't we arrange to have ttie por
trait made at the grave Itself?"
"Dot's in Bennsylvanla," sighed
the German. "It. vould he too ex
bens!"e to go there. Vnst yon fix u]
some kind of a grnfe here In d?
shop. I could ve p on dot. It's nt
trouble for me to veep nnyvere."?
Harper's Weekly.
I>i<l Hotter.
"You left off smoking because sh?
I asked you to?"
"Yes."
"And you left off drinking because
she asked you to?"
"Yes."
"Aml you left off swearing bo
cause she asked you to?"
"Yes."
"And you began going Into bettei
jcclet> because she asked you to?"
" os. '
"It is a wonder to me you did nol
marry her!"
"1 had intended to; hut when 1 hao
got rid of all of my bad habits 1
Kun* l could do better!"?Modern
Society.
A Practical Guest.
(litest (to waiter) ? I can't eat thU
sou p.
Walter takes It away and brings
another kind of soup.
Guest I can't eat this soup.
Walter, angrily but silently, foi
the second time brings another kind,
Guest (again)?I can't eat this
soup.
Waiter, furious, calls the hotel
proprietor.
Proprietor (to guest)?Why can't
>ou eat this soap?
Guest (quietly)?Ilecause I havt
no spoon.
Couldn't Agree.
J'.tig*1 (in the law court, during a
divorce case, to the husband)?Well,
w h n Is it you wish?
ilushand A divorce.
Judge (to tho wife)?And you?
Wife A divorce.
Judge?-Mut when you came in you
said that neither of you could evei
agree on any one point.Nob Loisirs.
So rnliko lliin.
"Yes." he said. "I've had a couple
of drinks."
"The idea! "# exclaimed his wife;,
"why do you tell me that?"
"Why It's the truth."
"I know; that's why I can't understand
your telling me."
Ills Rewards.
Patience: "fie jumped overboard
and saved the lives of six girls."
Patrice: But what was the use?
lie couldn't marry all of thorn?"
"But he did. He lived in Salt
Lako City, you know."
Thinking of Kittens.
"Pop!"
"Yes, my son."
"How many days does it take before
n potato gets ita eyes open?"
V MATRIMONIAL
ADVERTISEMENT
Ily Kthol May Shorty.
"And still they come!" exclaimed
UK c < o? )i?> ? ?" o his
v l.u.o iii? .a il.y Oxford bulbing
and saw tho package of env? lopes
on his desk. Largo envelop. a and
uuall of all tints and shades, and
with a fow exceptions each highly
perfumed. "It a a duce of a uuisrice
now,' lie muttered as he tore
op n envelope after envelope, merely
glancing at tho contents and invariably
giving eai h a toss into the
waste basket, with curling lips.
"Twenty lour this noon, that makes
1 19 in three days ?119 foolish girls! I
Ah. this one Inclosed tho notice ltudf,
'A young bachelor, good looking
plenty of money, desires to coin- ;
municale with eligible young lady- ? |
matrimony. Address Clay. P. O.
25.' !
"When Jack made the bet with i
me I scorned the idea that any girl
would be unmaidenly enough to even
think of answering such a nonsen
Blcal advedtIsenient. Well, I've los<
an I a box of good cigars go s to
him evidently. At first it was Inter
efeting, then amusing, and now, well,
rather disgusting." Suddenly he
paused, staring Incredulously at a
photograph he had just taken from
a plain little envelope a smiling
sunny face returned his gaze, and
two hlg trusting eyes, shaded by
wavy hair falling about a high fore
head, looked Into his.
"it 1h!" he exclaimed at last with
a deep breath. "She was the last one
In the world I thought would stoop
lo such a tiling, but there can be
no mistake," and lie stared long and
earnestly at tho picture, entirely ig
noting the accompanying letter.
now many times does a fellow
have to rap to lie admitted to this
sanctum sanctorum?" asked a merry
voice as its owner put his head Inside
the door.
"Ilex pardon. Frank, I didn't hoar
you," answered Clayton, slipping the
picture of that sweet face under a
pile of papers. "Did you knock?"
"I)ld I knock! Several times, my
dear hoy. Aren't you feeling well?
Look as If you'd seen a ghost. Who
Is she?"
"Well, It Is a she this time," Clay'011
laughingly replied, "and 1 don't
even know her name. Your acquaintance
among the fair sex is not as
limited us mine: perhaps you can assist
me. I see her nearly every morning,
as early as 6:30 or 7 o'clock, on
horseback riding through Wostbury
street? u beautiful girl with fluffy
brown hair?"
"Wears a gray habit, doesn't she?"
interrupted Frank, a strange little
gleam In his eyes.
"Yes. yes, do you know her?"
"If It's the one 1 think, you must
be referring to my cousin, and if
you've been putting her on a pedestal
you can't make It a bit too higlL."
"Your cousin!"
"Yes, and the dearest, sweetest,
little thing you ever saw. Are you
coming to sis'party? 1 suppose you
have received her Invitation?"
"No, but 1 haven't been all through
niy mall yet?why?"
"Because Queenie will he there
and I'll introduce you. Iler real
name Is Marjorle, but we've always
called her Queenie on account of the
Imperious, yet modest, little ways
she has."
Imperious?modest! Involuntarily
Clayton's hand fumbled with the pile
of letters underneath which lay the
| picture face of this girl, giving the
| lie direct to her cousin's eulogy.
"There's Kit's invitation now; I
know her writing," exclaimed Frauk
digging a plain little envelope from
the pile. "Haven't you read it yet?"
"iiadn't seen it before," responded
Clayton.
"Been opened," replied Frank, unceremoniously
dragging forth the
folded paper. As he scanned the
lines a bewildered look stole across
his face. "What the dickens?" he
began, then stopped, the light of understanding
superseding his bowild
ermont, which ended in a hearty
laugh. "One on sts." he cried. "Hear
this; Mr. Philip Hanscomb, artist;
Dear Sir Inclosed find the photo
rrn;h I wish copied life size, and
about which I spoke to you yesterday.
Sincerely. Katherine Ellis.'
Don't you see what she's done?
Wrong envelopes! Kit was going to
have Queenie'd picture copied as a
surprise for her father and mother,
and she mixed your invitation up
with the letter to the artist. Good
Joke, isn't it? I wonder where she
sent the photo."
And again he laughed heartily,
while the rapidity with which Clayton
set his "pedestal" up again would
have dono credit to the swiftest express
ever known. Ilut ho wouldn't
part with that picture, and so failed
to enlighten Frank.
"I'll seo you get your invitation,"
Frank said as lie started for the
door, then, as on afterthought, "By
the way. speaking of my cousin I
want to toll you the most nonsensical
thing she ever did to my knowledge
- taken a decided Interest In a goodfor-nothing
chap who looks something
like you, and whom she meets
nearly every morn?'
After his exit Clayton drew forth
the picture from Its hiding place and
gazed once more at the two big,
trusting eyes, and it was quite a
while after the wedding bells had
gayly chimed that Queenie learned
from her husband how she had once
for a few moments, been credited
with answering a matrimonial advertisement.
V
IWnr'XG STTFFEF) AVIIjLS.
T'iciv Is Witchery in Words, According
tt) New York Lawyer.
"Do you know that there is ?
witchery in words? 1 mean in simple
'Words, words, wo^ls!" ns Hani
sws. ve-pird .ess of their sense or
uoecs-siiy. If a lot tjf words are llrod
at tlie ordinary man they seein to
carry some .-ort of an of{Vcti\e in calltaticn
power with them."
The speaker was a New Yoi'k lawyer,
dining at the Lawyers' Club.
Ho Continued:
"Preachers, physicians and lawyers
understand this and use the
fact to their advantage more than
any other persons and particularly
the lawyer. I was thinking of tills a
few minutes ago when I completed
drawing a will that contained about
u thousand words, when fewer than
four hundred would have made the
same will and ,1ust as good If?w
better than the one thousand; but
my client wouldn't have been so well
satisfied, and would hu\e felt that
I was overcharging him. He would
object to paying for the real thing,
but not for the useless padding.
"What was the use of my writing
'considering the uncertainties of
this mortal life' and ail that sort of
rot? The will would he Just the
same, and the testator will die Just
the same, wjthout such rubbish. The
law does not require him to think of
such things. Then why should I
write, 'after the payment of all my
jusi aoms and rtinorai expenses'.''
Just debts hikI funernl expenses have
to be paid, whether the will says so
or not. If tlie testator said not to
pay his just debts and funeral expenses
his legatees wouldn't get one
cent more.
"Then 1 wrote something about
being thoughtful for the future welfare
of my children' with a lot of
other stuff before I got to the bequests
to them. Again this was only
words, hut it sounds well and Impresses
my client. So tt was all the
way through, with one real, necessary,
vital word to about a half dozen
words of padding. It in ay be foolishness,
and I think that It Is, but
there is not a lawyer In New York
who dares draw a will that contains
only the necessary words to make
the testator's Intent clear and to
comply with the requirements of the
law."
The Style In Clocks.
There are funny things about the
clock business," said the salesman
from Connecticut. "Nine-tenths of
| the clocks that I sold on my la*t
j trip were eight-day clocks. Everybody
seems to have serious object|
Ions nowadays to winding clocks. If
I could provide customers with
thirty-day clocks or slxtv-day clocks,
j without too much additional cost,
they would prefer them. That demand
for long-distance timepieces
j represents a decided change in taste.
k year or so ago everybody was clamoring
for twenty-four-liour clocks,
| on the ground that they kept better
time. Now, if 1 could put on the
market some of those one-year and
five-year clocks that venturesome
manufacturers turn out now and
then as curiosities, they would prove
ready sellers."
Whence "Coroner' ?
Apropos of the origin of phrases,
one is reminded that, contrary to
popular belief, the word coroner is
neither derived from the Latin "corona,"
nor does it mean "a king's officer."
It literally signifies a "corpse
inspector," and comes to us from
the old English "corph-coniier"?an
officer whose business it. was to make
himself thoroughly acquainted with
the manner in which persons cairie
by their dent its. Part of lite same
word appears in "ale conners"?persons
y> hose duty it was in
times past, to visit the various alehouses
In the city of London and
sample the quality of the beverage
supplied. This is from a I^ondon exchange.
Execution of a Queen lire
If tin? mother-bee of a colony is
getting past her work, and she cannot
be sent off with a swarm in the
usual way, the bees will supersede
her They will deliberately put hor
to death, and raise another queen to
take her place This State execution
of the old worn-out queens Is one
of the most curious and pathetic
things In or out of bee-life ,One
probe with a sting would suffice In
the matter; but the honey-bee is a
great stickler for the proprieties.
The royal victim must be allowed to
meet her fate in a royal way; and
she is killed by caresses, tight-locked
In the joint embrace of the executioners
until suffocation brings about
h?>r floa I li
Mosquito Family Large.
The mosquito family is a large
one. as might, be suspected. The
department experts have captured,
Identified and classified no less than
12f> different species. In addition to
the simon pure mosquito there are
any number of counterfeits. Scores
of them are so closely allied to the
real thing in looUs, buzz and other
characteristics as to he mistaken by
the amateur as a member of the
original family.
Iron Cloth for Collars.
Iron cloth Is largely used today by
tailors for making the collars of
coals sit properly. It is manufactured
by a new process from the steel
wool and has t.he appearance of
having been woven from horsehair
*
DISTRIBUTION OK THE TOYS.
In Excitement Gi;ve Tliem to the
w
Wrong lloy.
Mrs. Styles Van Brocklin, whose
time was divided among her twelve
women's clubs and away from her _
children, took an off day. at t'hristtnas,
to visit a toy-shop in the In'lf.w^
est of her six offsprings. Loaded I*
down v ith her gaudy purchases she
had reached h? r front yard, where
the children were making a snowman,
when an elegant equipage jin- *
gled up to the curb and stopped.
"'Oh, Mrs. Van Brock I in!" cried a
lady from the coach, "come with 1110
to the Social Problem meeting."
Lxxclaiming that she had forgotten
all about this meeting, the mother
quickly approached the oldest of
the children about thc? snow-mlW and
pressed the toy packages In his arm.
Take these inside and distribute
them among your brothers and sistors,"
she said; and the next moment
she was whisked away in the friend's
coach.
That night when she returned
home she was struck by the surly
and tear-stained faces of her children
"Put the dears right to bed," she
ordered the nurse, taking in the situation
with the quickness and accuracy
ot the average club woman. "I
can see they're tired out and sleepy
aftor so much excitement witl^thelr
new toys."
"It ain't that, ma'am," returned
the nurse "You '
"I didn't hring them just what each
wanted, perhaps? Well, it's hard to
p use so many"
"it ain't that, either, mum; but
you gave all the toys to the boy next
door!"
RUDE RUFFIAN.
Cholllle.?Lawst night a wude
fellah ?aw?thweatened to beat my
bwains out for?aw?meahly twarnp.
ing on ills toes, but I talked wight
back and thald '13' Jove, you
cawn't.' "
Fwerldle?" Fa uncy!"
Chollle?"Yeth! 1 must have given
the fellah a fwtght, for he tried to
look angwy, and?aw?weplled:
' Youah wight?nor no one pith^r
I) jove!"
Till' Wrong Prescription.
A well known physician was telling
a friend of the humorous phases of
the practice or medicine when he was
reminded of the sad case of a patient
who came to him suffering from hay
fever.
'""ow, it Is fact, said the physician.
"that in hay fever there is no
absolutely infallible treatment. Send- .
ing one person to a certain climate '
may result in a cure which would not
mate'iallze in the case of another.
Asa rule I advise the one afflicted to
take a sea trip. in this connection I
once encountered a great surprise. A
large, fine looking fellow came to me
one day suffering from hay fever in
its most aggravated form. I made
tire usual suggestion that he take a
trip at sea.
"II.* gave me a look of disgust and
prepared to depart. 'Doggode Id!'
he exclaimed, "I'D dee capdld of ad
oceud liner. 1 lib ad sea!"
/ v
Her Method of Distinction.
"They look exactly alike, and you
dress them exactly alike Mrs. Higlisnoggle,"
suhl the caller. "How can
ton tell them apart?"
"That isn't hard to do," answered
i u - ? - *
i no inomer or the twins. "If I slap
Johnny and he swears a blue streak
I know s it's Dick"?Chicago Tribune.
A Parting Shot.
"You are not golng^b send me
home this way, are you?" asked the
young man, as he hesitated the
open door. /
"Well if you want to wait, father
may be down and send you out
through the window," replied the
girl, as she prepared to shut the
door.? Yonkers Statesman.
Sane Moments.
"This bill for $1,200 is altogether
too high," said the client.
"But didn't I prove yo^u were crazy
and get you acquitted,' replied the
lawyer. J
"Yes, you did; but you haven't
proved that I'm crazy enough to pay
this hill, yet!"
One Exception.
"Yes," said the Rev. Mr. Ooodley.
"I oppose the contemplated prize
for our building fund. I can't connive
at any form of lottery/V >
"Except a marriage in the church,?
suggested the crusty bachelor.?Phil.y
adelphia Press.
A Contented Mind.
"That fellow Dickson has been
bothering you quite a while about
that hill you owe him."
"Yes. I can't understand why he
worries about it. I don't."?St. a
Louis Times. ^