Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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As tito Yours Qo By. US1'?? nnd tlK'lv inothors* lullaby; OM aron nt their daily piny; Middens hearing their lovors sigh; "Women bravo lu tho world's way Aro ot what wo soo and hear, dear, As tbo years go by; linar dear, AR tin. years go by. How teador IB timo, withal, How kind is tho good nud true; flo gentle to ino, withal, tia gracious and soot to you. Toi? is what wo seo and boar, doar, As tho years go by; Heftr, ?loar, As tho years go by. Time's Anger marks wrinklos aro, (?ray hairs Hs frost mid decay, A young heart has kept you iar From ago mnrks and frost away. lt ls what wo soo and hoar, dvar, A? the yoars go by; Hear, dear, As tho years go by. Timo from your faco stays sadness, Leaving tho bright suushino in; Kisses your eyes in gladness, Leaving tho sweet Invelight in, Oil, tills ?lo wo seo and hear, dear, As tho yeats go'by; Hoar, dear, As the years go by. Sweet, let your birthdays como and go; l'ut your hand and lovo in mino, Von mo young for loving BOJ 1 live been uso 1 mn thine. All tliia du wo seo amt know, dour, As tho years go by; Know, dCttr, As tho years go by. OUR KXPK?TAT??JS?S. ''How very unfortunate!" '.How confoundedly annoying!" Tho above remarks were made by my wife and myself respectively ono m ight September morning as wo sat at breakfast in tho dining room of our tiny, old fashioned cottage at Low thorpe. liefoto ns each lay an open lotter, and lt was tho contents ot theso letters-Individually and collectively which had called forth tho remarks set down above. To bo more explicit, Ella's letter was from her uncle, Gregory Carper, signi fying his intention of paying us a visit on t'no following Tuesday. My letter waa from ray undo, ?Simon Flnickor, paying lie lntendod paying us a vi3lt on tho following Tuesday. Nothing particularly alarming in that, you think? Walt a little. Old Gregory Carper was a most eccentric and irascible tildi ..1,1_i ~c_i ...? ?.?l\?i1niid wnoifli .>.>.? V Kl 11(11 UL lUl'UlCU KU Ml IV) ll.) VIV,Hil,ll, ll UV) bad moro than once distinctly stated that it was bis intention to make his only niece (my wife) his heiress. Old Fiulcker, my molhor's brother, was also rich in this world's goods, and lt was generally understood that I, Chas. Danvers, was to bo bis hoir. And betweon those two old men there was & deadly feud. , The quarrel bad taktn place six months ago; and each nude [after giving us au exhaustivo cata logue of tho enemies enormities) had Bworn in turn that if we, Ella and Charles Danvers, exchanged words, letters or visits with tho said enemy in futuro, wo should be ostracized hythe remaining undo. Now, for moro reasons than ono, Ella and I looked upon tins as a serious contingency; and I regret to ?say that we bad recourse to duplicity. We gave each uncle to understand that we held tho otbor as tho scum of the earth (if we didn't exactly say so, we implied lt); and, so far, we had kept on toler ably friendly tornVn with both. T( \n.Uo..t eui iiuoy-'-ve bini . baby,-.(lt? yto\v ?jad yi.juori by inns, ito hud ???I?rt ohiiMoaed .Simon .Gregory" tbo r>yi-v' Hi Wil'?i itni?.bf!? jibj'ti tit iv'oei< ?let'?it? iii?: futa) i' i.ir" : i i )k place. J.'oor luvid no ul I I ?i.?d {) ahudckii .Vi lull 1 thought ul. bib liv?Uii .Willi SUCll i name at tho public school whore his mother talked already of sending bim,) I offer no excuse for our unpardon ed e conduct. I acknowledge that I played tho part of a mean, abject meak. But I trust tho reader will seo that, under existing circumstautes, tho projected simultaneous visits of those iwo uncles was, to say thu least of it, awkward. Ilowevor, there was no help for it. To write and put either oil would of fend tho put off ono almost as mortally as to allow tho dreaded meeting to take placo. "There will bo a tine scene," I ob served grimly, after a short pause. "By jove! there willi" Ella stirred ber coffee abstractedly; and 1 struck my eggspoon vindictively through tho shell of my third egg, with a vague wish that I were inflicting corporeal Injury ou either objectionable relative. ''Charley 1" said my wife, in piteous tones, when oomo few minutes bad elapsed, "what shall wo dor '"' "Ask mo something easier, my dear," I replied gloomily. "It is so awkward in every way," she went on. I'J une does not return from ber holiday until Wodnesday," (Jane was our housemaid.) "And cook's being so deaf makes lier ao stu pid. And your uncle ls so ?fidgety ?nd particular,'' abo added. I did not milly but reread botli lot teis silently. No, there was no m?s tale, botli uncles wore coining on Tues day. Mr. Carper proposes a three days' vi it; Mr. Fiulcker intended Bun ting early on Wednesday morning to attend a cattlo show some twenty milos from Low thorpe, Ho would come down, bo (my uncle) said, by the 5.15 from Waterloo; "As usual, Mr. Carper does not mention tho train ho intends coming lown by," I observed dryly. "Thero Duly remains, as a climax, that they ihould both olect to como by the 5.15." "O, Charley 1 Surely notl" "1 think it Is more than likely," I returned with tho calmleas of despair, ?ts I proceeded to unfold the newspaper. I bad just ten minutes to road ana digest it boforo catching my train up to town. "Charley, bow can you sit there coolly reading tho paper?" exclaimed my wlfo, almost in tears. "My dear," I remonstrated, "tboro aro five days to como boi'ore Tuesday, Wo don't know what may happen in that tlnio. One of tho old fools may cr-ahem! Wo can talk it ovor when I como homo to night," I concluded hastily. Then, with what 1 havo boon told is the innate selfishness of the masculino mind, I plunged into the nows of tho day. When I carno homo at night Ella mot me with a nourning smile. "Charley," she bogan gloeftilly, as I divested myself of my hat and over coat, "I havo thought of a plan." "A plan?" I ochoed vaguely. Header-1 g Ivo you my word I had forgotten all about tboso two flondlsh old men. "Oh. (ho uncles!" I groaned, after a moment's reflection. "Lot us have dinner first. Ella, and indigestible ?datives afterward." E.In, as all well drilled little wives V should do, obeyed Uer lord and master, and dinner proceeded aa usual. When I had lighted ruy post-prandial pipo I stretohod myself out upon tho sofa, folded my arms boland my bead, und intimated that I was ready to hear tho "plan.?' My wife carno and seated herself on lm iO.V ?tO?l bcSid? iii?. "lou seo, Charley," she began, willi round, solemn eyes llxed upon mino, "I have thought and thought all day, and this seems tho only thing to bo dono." "Weill"' I said expectantly, tis she paused. "Well." she wont on, "I nm con II dont that Uncle Simon will, arrive first on Tuesday, aud bo shall havo tho pink room. " '"I havo no objection," I observed, as she paused again, "but 1 fall to see how that can help us." "Charley, you aro so stupid, dear. You know thoro is something the mat ter with tho lock of tho pink room door." 1 lookod-us I felt-bewildered. "Yes," I assented, helplessly. "Weil, Charley," In impatient tones, "don't you understand?" "J confess to being still at Boa, my dear," I said, with abject humility. "But go on. Unfold your plan, and my feebler Intellect will try to follow. Tito uncle who appears first upon tho scone, U'.iclo Simon, I think you said, Is to havo tho piuk room, and there is something the matter with tho lock of tho pink room door. I think I have mastered these two important points. And apr?s." "Don't you seo?" my wife wont on with growing excitement. "Tho lock has ofton stuck fast before. It did tho hist timo Unele Simon was boro. Wo could not get It opon for ovor so long. Don't you remember? So what moro natural than that it should KO wrong on Tuesday?" And she looked at mo triumphantly. "But, my child," I murmured, "lt won't 'go wrong,' as you call it, on Tuesday. Things never do go wrong wheu they ought to. It's only when they didn't ought to," 1 concludod vul garly. "Of course, you silly boy, I know that. But then, you see, I'll nmko lt go wrong." "Mako lt go wrong!" I repeated. ""What do you mean?" Ella regarded mo witheringly, thou said: "lteally, Charley, you Boom as If you wore being st upid on purpose. Why of course, when Uncle Simon goes up to get ready for dinner I shall simply lock tho door. Then wo can pretend that tho lock bas stuck fast again ?nd that wo can't get the door open. Whon Unelo Gregory bas gono to bod-you know ho always goes quito oarly-wo can lot poor old Uncle Simon out, and givo him a splondld supper to mako up for the loss of his a inner. Uo is very good natured, you know. And thou," slio concluded, "be will bo away In tho morning before Uncle Gregory ls up. So thoro you arel" I gavo yent to a low, prolongod whistle. "You aro n most Mach la vella u young woman, Ella," I said gravely. "What a diplomutlst you would have madel" "Yes," modestly, "I think it rather a nico little plan, lt came to my bead this afternoon while I was putting baby to sleep." "There are two rather serious objec tions, howcvoV," I ob ?erv V fifiot pulling at i\) i I po foi' li?me ttucouds tn ^itouop. Well?" author sbar;i)y. ."Welt - ni' >coros Uli !i.'u . mi>n>i:ly sja?aky fruid ni tiling, doesn't it! Kv. n for iud" with II ../ .ni sm di:, "Cu, uo," promptly, ".Noo wiry a yon got used to tho idea. I thought so myself at first, but it soon woro off." "Ahl" I murmorod, lott in admira tion of this remarkable and easy code of moralB. "You said two objections, Charley," resumed my wife. "What was tho other?" "How are you so suro that my uncle will arrive first?" I inquired, "If It should chance lo bo yours I wouldn't givo much for tho success of your plan. Mr. Carper ls a very respectable old gentleman-but I think you could hardly call him sweet tcmporodl Ho-" "Now, don't mako objections,dear," Interrupted Ella, docislvoly. "I know your uncle will como first, because bo always conies early lu tho afternoon, and Unelo Grogory never contjs until tho last train ho can possibly got be fore dinner tune." "Besides," I said weakly, "Utero will bo no opportunity for tho lock to stick fast, I Imagine. 1 don't think my uncle locks bis bedroom door. Men don't generally. I never do." .'Oh, lt doosn't want to bo lockod, you silly boy. If I left tho key inside, bow could I fasten it outsnle? lteally, Charley, you are much loss Intelligent than I thought you wore." I boro this accusation meekly and in silence. 1 was thinking what a fearful row there would be If the imprisoned uncle got out before tho appointed timo and found us entertaining tho enemy at dinner. Then a sudden feel ing of compunction took possession of me. "No, by Jove," 1 oxolaimed, rising from tho sofa and taking up a position on tho hearthrug* "I won't consent to any such plan. It's certain to miss fire somehow; and thou we'll ba in a nico scrapo. Eot tho two old follows como, and havo done with lt. If thoy disinherit us both, and Ignore our son's futuro, it can't be holped. I'm heartily sick of all this pretense, and underhand nonsonso, and I won't have any moro of it," But Ella, arter a dlsmayod pause, wopt and entronloil so, and, in short, cajoled mo lu tho way women do cajole us whon thoy liko, to such purpose that I at last gavo In and consonted, where upon hyperbolical letters were written to both uncles oxprossivo of our pleas ure at thoir projected visit, etc., and I permitted myself tho luxury of hoing in an exceedingly bad tempor for the next fow days. Tho fateful Tuesday arrived in due course, and by Ella's special request I carno home by a much earlier train than usual. Tho afternoon had passed without bringing Unelo Simon. Our evil star waa evidently in tho asoond ont, for at half-past 6 a fiy from tho station drovo up to the door, and from lt stopped -Unelo Gregory. I lookod at Ella witheringly. "Novor mind, dour," she said in hur ried tones, "lt can't bo helped, I'll manage Just leave everything to mo." I muttored a fow maledictory re marks under, my breath, and wont to tho door with wreathed smiles to moot our relativo. I saw ut once, by cortahu infallible signs, that ho waa in ono of his most aggressive moods. Ho swore at tho (lyman*, contradicted mo flatly and rudely whon I mentlonod the usual : -r-ra^.nitmrrrr-^.,,^.^ fare, uud snubbed poor Ella eo vicious! . on tbe subject of a now vol v.; ?li. ? ?bo wore that I saw the tears spring to ber eyes with inortlllcatloii, and, I myself crimsoned with rage. However, we pressed him to tako some refresh ment-uhorry, I think it was, and nf tor two largo glasses of the same he be oamo somewhat mollified. At this point a telegram wai handod ld. It was from my undo, saying wo might oxpect him by the 6.C0. "Wouldn't you like to get ready for dinner now,-uncle?" Ella said after some time, with a nervous glauco at tho tlmopieco. (I had shown her th? telegram.) It was a quarter to 0, and Uncle Simon's train was duo, m ?vo minutos. "Plenty of time, plenty of tlmol" Bald the old gontleuiau, helping him* Bolt to another glass of sherry. "You don't dine tul ?, do you?" I saw that Ella was quito palo. "Pray, don't hurry," I observed calmly. As I spoke, tho whistle of Uncle Simon's tram was hoard lu thu distance. Ella disappeared from tho room, and in another moment the din ner bell sounded vigorously. Old Carper rose-after Imbibing a Qhal glas3 of sherry. "I hopo you haye something docent for dinner," hg growled. "I'm aa hungry as a hunter. Hadn't time for moro than a bite at lunch." I smiled a painful smile and mur mured something to tho effect that * hoped ho would have something ho could enjoy. Tho old fellow plodded hoavlly up stairs, whore Ella was waiting to usher him into tho fateful pink room, in another moment my wlfo, flushed and breathless, Joined mo at tho foot of tho stairs. "Ilavo you Jdoh it?" I asked gloomily, fooling as I imagino Macbeth must have done. "Yes," sho answered, showing me tho key, preparatory to slipping It Into her pocket. "And, Charley, I took down tho bellrope to-day, so nil is safe. But. oh douri how vory unfortu nate that Undo Simon didn't como drat. I suppose he will bo hero di rectly." dust then tho doorbell rang loudly. It was Uncle Simon. It chanced that Mr, Plnlckor Wrt3 not In the most anncablo frame ol mind, either. Ho had lost his um brella, lt appeared, and was even moro aggravatingly nervous and fidgety than usual. Just as dinner was servod, a loud banging was hoard from tho room above. (I don't think I have montionod that tho pluk room was situated just above tho dining room.) I hastened upstairs, and hypocritically turned tho handle of tho pink room door, having previously knocked. "Aro you not coming down to din ner, Mr. Carper?" I inquired, feeling, I confoss, rather ashamed of myself. "Coming downt" thundered my wife's uncle idnignantly I rom within. "Of course I'm coming down; but 1 can't got tho door open!" "No?" I returned, with a careful accent of surprise. "I trust this con founded lock has not caught again. Wo Intended having it repaired, but tho locksmith has unfortunately not arrived." (Which, as he bad not boen sent for, was not to be wondered at.) "Shake tho handle from tho nisldj," I continued. Ho shook tho handle, but-I need ii ily Y>ay^-without eft'eii).. I .shook lt (dsn. I'l.'prliaps yoil hu.ve locked ici" I suggc <''-d, abov/iiis.' -i ?tt.hii, .nu.?unt <!?1 un.vb.?y to appear m my tb?io, "fidiikod it? ttubbtsb!" wiis tho tf.ito reilly. "What stuhl ld .1 lock H tor? i'm not a woman. Besides, there's no key." "I am exceedingly annoyed," I went on, In a voice full of vexed solicitude; "bat I fear we can do nothing until the locksmith comes. It ls most un fortunate I . Ile shall be sent for again at once; but of cou- so it will take some little timo, as we are so far from the village." Whereupon followed foarful and ungovernable language from Mr. Car per. He shook the door violently, stamped about the room, and "wont on" generally Iii a most alarming way, I pacified him as well as I could, or, rather, I tried to pacify him, but bo continued to storm and swear without apparently listoning to my lies-they w iro nothing less-and at, last I wont down stairs again, and took my place ab tho head of tho table In a furious passion. Our previous deceptions had never gone so far as this, and I felt myself a sneak from tho tlp3 of my lingers to tho toes of my boots. This was a most preposterous and outrage ous plan of Ella's, 1 reflected savagely. Wo could never carry it out. Why bad 1 listened to hor? As we dovoured our soup wo could hear footsteps tramping about oxcltodly and irregularly overhead. Then there was a sudden silence. It was tho lull before the storm. Scarcely had tho fish boon removed than a series bf loud bangs resounded on tho panels up stairs. Uncle Simon started nervously. Ella became crim son and muttered something about "rousing baby." I took no notico, but wont on grimly carving tho fowl be foro mo. "Will you take a leg, or a wing, undo?" 1 said shortly. "A log, boy," indignantly. "What aro you thinking of ? I'l' take a wing -tho livor wing-of courso. " 1 hastily apologized and said I was thinking of something elso. (So I was -I was thinking of Undo Grogory.) Bang I bang! hangi from above. "Good graclousi What is that?" exclaimed Uncle Simon, in a tono ex pressive of alarm and ama/omont. "What is what?" I asked coldly, without raising my eyes from the plato. "That most extraordinary noise, Charles!" wont on my uncle, in much agitation, "ls lt possible you do not boar lt?" "I hoar the wind rising," I repllod calmly. "I fear wo shall haye a storm. (Happily, the wind was blowing by this timo, and was blowing protty ?Litlly.> "Pray, holpyourself to claret," 1 continued; "I think you will ibid lt good." Thoro was a short sllonco af tor this, broken by tho walls of tho baby, who bad roused up nt last. Ella Hod up stairs, and I ongaged my undo In oasy conversation. Suddenly, Just as Mr. Finlckor was launched on a lengthy tirado upon tho agrarian outragos in ireland, tho bang ing bogan again with rouewod fury. W hat on oarth could tho old follow be doing? I wondered wretchedly, ns tho unmistakable crash of broken glass or crookery (or both) sounded over head. Thoro was no saying what be might do, for Mr. Carpor, whon aroused, was noll ling less than a mad man, aud he was evidently roused now. "Good heavm'sj boy, what ia that iitie'tl my uncle, starting ft. undo?" I said, wltb u ghastly s tit l lo. "You uro nervous to night, i. foitv. " "?ijjrv?usf Liston to that, and that, and Until" ho oontlauod flor eely. "Havo you a lunatic or a wild beast concealed In your house, sir?" i I unboned hypoorltlcally for a few inotnuetfl. "I cortaiuly do boar sounds," I said then, in doubtful tonos. (By this tlnuo tho noise was ouough to waken the d> wi.) ^Souudol Why, you must ba deaf or an idiot, slr! It's pandemonium, 1 toll yon--nothing loss." ^A?y dear dhole," I ropllod, gently, "corni: > ;'.' 'iiiL'solf. Thoso-? or-sounds aro, I rog rot td say, of frequent occur rence?. Vi ben the wind ls high, ns it is to Might, the noise ls positively deafen iii'.?." (lt certainly was.) ''1 will ?e un aflejr dinuev and fusion the skylights lu tho attics, They havo been loft ojien, probably, Tho house is said to bli haunted, but that ls all nonsense, ol courin.-" ' linn ; ll ' repeated my uncle, v. bis shoulder nervously, 'Haunted! Chat ls very unpleasant, i l hover knew that." "iSfoV" 1 'turned in careless tono?. "Wo i rtii n y hoar some most tuv.ie mntable nobns. But ono gots accus tomed ' ? th n 1 lu time. DJ have some moro claret," Though I ?poke thus calmly, I was inwardly consumed with rage and mot MIK alton and ?hamo. However, there > : lt Ip for it. 1 must koop lt up iii)W i ovoiits; and by and by tluvt mitti upstairs, would surely in tho coulta) of nature tire himself out. 1 simpler could not go and toll him any more :. is. Things must take tholr i !. tesol ved, desperately. ".Yea wore speaklmr of tho Irish question,'' : <>bsorved, in courteous tonos ('mukh ,-. myself heard ns well as .. - .he appaling row ovor . ad r "1 quito agree with you that ? i Will havo to bo dono. By .'"ve.:- i oj ciliated mentally, "some thing will a to bo done, or my .' V (lacie vv ;il bs through tho celling (itv to ui lining tablol" ! int.!.. io i helped himsolf to claret t . 'i . .v ipward. . I'. - " . t to bo in tho room B ho ve JU ld pin a helpless, irritated kind 6< VAI. ?hi, tl i ."'notlmos In ono part of tho |i? Metimos in another," I lin:i wei? . ? : (lossly. "Tho curious tiling t hal J have known weeks to i ^ i wi- 'U' our.hearing any peculiar i il. Von were not disturbed din*hu; youi last visit, If l remember rightly, t?nt, pardon rae, yon were ii a iii hg of Mr. Gladstone's policy in regard [o fri tandi were you not?" "Ah ye! ' It is atrocious! Tho um:, lu tu . ning unbearable!" resumed m} lh( ; (alluding, of course, to Air. (Jil td . \nd not to theconcealod enemy hp s.) "It ls-but bless iii |lj w ll that nolso go on all II,; it?'? lien il terrille crash, followed by a phi i . i J , so startled poor Undo Siam i ii il tm ?prang to his foot, over turned : r, and spilled bis wino al "'ecloth." "v.Vi uto tho other room," I said, . i lat tho poor old follow w - as ?.il??to as a sheet. "Wo shall mu, bo -.?f. ii m heil there." \i lice ?niingiy went Into tho draw ing roon . where wo found Ella playing rc y eu I s upon tho plano. | The novo up.t|;uitfi iii ii d itnui-Uy et* ?. v-d. i j Afton iv.gt"hi or .two of fn ibi)ag0,! liiM i whir.'i .'."'un. im', r, soi ly figure. 1. svigi j ! ?jo,iled;,^'?ie>.?'d or tiy-' Ella, that btv ' j -.m:io locked . ' / tired, and alluded j i lp M .- projected early atari in M,ie \ moriilug. uoiif;uAni bo was thou, and after a couple glasses of brandy and water ho went to bed. An ominous silence m ?anwhile pro vailed in tho pink room. Whon we wore alono I turned to Ella and said In a voice of suppressed fury; '.Well, madam, may I ask what you proposo doing now? 1 swear this is ibo last time I shall havo anything lo do with Bush confounded tomfoolery. 1 never felt so contemptible in my life. Your mielo and mino may leavo their money to the Irish Land League or to the dovil for all I caro," I continued, pacing up and down the room In a towering passion. "I refuse to take part any longor in your mean, deceitful pr?cticos." This was distinctly unjust, of course, as woll as rude, and Ella tired up al once, saying that it was as much my fault as hers, otc. "Hold your tongue, madam," ? thundered, goaded past endurance. Hero there was an extraordinary, inexplicable, mulled kind of noiso from tho direction of the pink room. I seized a candle and rushed up stairs. "I hope and trust bo may not have had a flt of apoplexy," I muttered, be tween lily set tooth, as wo reached tho door. All was silent. ? 'Whore is tho key?" I said shortly. But Ella hesitated. "Undo," she said timidly through tho keydiole, "we have found an old key that we think will open the door. Tho locltsmlth did not como." 1 listened, appaled, to this glib por vorslon of tho truth, and wondorod if lt hud ever boon practiced upon me. Still, all was silent. "Tho room is quito dark, Charloy," said my wifo nervously, as abo pro ceeded to tit tho key Into tho lock. In another moment tho door was opon, and a gust of wind almost extin guished my candle. I held it aloft with a whlsllo of dismay; for what a sceno met our eyosl The room was strewn with maimed and disfigured furniture; tho mirror was cracked right across; the crockory was smashed, and the lowor half of tho window appeared to havo entirely vanishod. And oh, hor ror! the pale pink window curtains, tho bod curtains, tho covers of tho chairs wore stained hore and thoro with deep crimson, But where was Unelo Gre gory? Ile had disappeared. Tho room was otnptyl ICIla, after a horrified glance around, uttored ti serios of pioroing screams, "HusliI" I exclaimed, sol/dug hot arm viciously, "Have you lost your sonsos? You will wako Uncle Simon." But she sobbod and Cried, and de clared hysterically that Unelo Grogory was doad, and that it was all my fault. 1 Indignantly pointed out tho glaring injustice of this remark, and stated my conviction that tho old gontlemon, in desperation, bad probably taken a "long drop" from tho window. "I hopo yon uro ploasodjwith tho result of- your plan, Mrs, Danvers," I wont on with {slitting sarcasm. 4,lt has cer tainly boon a most brilliant success so far. [)t all tho-" I was Interrupted by tho sound of a door opening along the passage, and tho noxij moment, Uncle Simon, in an exceedingly airy costume and carrying a candle ' in an outrageously horizontal mmma position, appeared beforo our astonished ?azo. (I had always suspeoted that my unolo woro a wig. Now I lind ooular demonstration, lils hoad was as bare as an ORR.') "Hies? my soull" ho gasped, with chatter Ins; tooth, lotting tho candle run dowd on our new Kiddermluster, '-'lins is a ino3t ghastly noueol 1 refuso ti go to bod again, Charles," ho con tinued, oxoltodly. "I shall Blt up all night. My ?ervos aro quito unstrung." Hero lhere was a terrille and contin uous peal at tho front door boll. It rang, and rang, and rang. I wont dowu to open lt-our domestic having gone to bod-and lilla followed. Hardly had 1 drawn back tho bolt than Mr. Carper burst In, dlshovolod, pant ing, purplo with iago, lits clothes stained with earth, his hands out aud blooding. Ho toro past us upstairs Uko a mad man, and on tho landing he carro med violently against Unelo ?Simon, who waa clinging to tho stair railings, shivering and shaking m lils Yery skotchy attire. To our utter amazement tho two oki mon grasped bauds warmly and all but embraced oach other. "Where on earth did you como from, Carper?" quavered my undo, almost lu tears. "Finlokerl" roturnod the other Iii a choking voice. "I'm glad to BOO you vory glad to seo yon. Liot us loavo this infernal placo now-at oncol" Then turning to mo: "I toll you, Chas. Danvers, you will regret tho despicable part you have played to-day only once, and that, slr, will bu ali your Ufo. You aro a low, contemptible hound, sir. But I sou now through your plot to secure both my money and my friend Mr. Fiulckor's. Yes, my Cr wad, I say. You might havo saved yoursolvo? lies, sir; and you, too, madam," llorcoly, to tho palo and trembling Ellii. "Mr, Finickor and I wore foolish oaougb to quarrel, lt is true, but I rejoice to say that wo wore roconcllod a week ago. Ah, you may cry, madam, and you may swear under your breath, slr, but you aro au infernal young liar, Charles Danvers, and your wife is not a whit better. I ronouueo you both forover." "And so do I," exclaimed Unelo Simon. "We loavo this house to-night, late as it lo. Wo can got rooina, with out doubt, at the L?wthorpp Inn." So saying bu retired, with as much dignity as his costume would permit to his room, accompanied by tho dilapidated looking Mr. Carper. Ella wont.on crying. I simply swore, "not loud, but deon. " "Within ten minutes tho two old gen tlemen reappeared, equipped for depart ure. Protestations, explanations, apolo gies woro all iii vain. Our outraged relatives loft tho house without deign ing to take any further notlco of olther Ella or mysolf, and ns thoy disappeared I in tho darkness 1 felt as If every atom of my solC rospoct wont with thom. I draw a veil over the harrowing acono which followed. My wife and I did not speak to each other for at least a wook utter this deplorable ovening-but that 13 a moro detail. Tho failure of Ella's "plan." how ever, markod an epoch in my lifo. It was my last deception. Sinco thou I have been doggedly, uncompromisingly truthful and straightforward in all my words and actions; and I hayo observed a similar metamorphosis In Ella. If over, in the futuro, 1 Gmt out Gregory Simon in a lie, I shall Hog him most unmercifully. We have neither poi-n nor held any coiuniiiiiioalitHi with (diner wie,.' ?buco that usine!- v hight, i i rear bur chtVhe ??. ol' heir .jil ii j orogohi) forever, Sx *.i'i.M?'U gloria .,KUidlN--bV<?ravia. ] .' im vu .m na o ((ann. From an interview with Mr. Thur man. "Judge, how did you got tho title of Old RomanV" "I am suro I don't know." "Uncle William Allon mod to bo called tho Old Hom an,1' saki Judge Thurman's son, and I suppose some how tho title descended to my father." "How did tho red bandana become associate! with your narnu?" "That is another mystery," replied the bulgo, producing his bandana and blowing a vigorous blast. " When I first wont to congress, along In 183940, tho habit was gonoral of tnkmg snuff Two largo boxes, oach containing a pound or moro of snuff, wero stationed in tho House of Representatives for public uso. I did notacquiro tho habit for some time, but as one cannot got a'ong very well without somo evil habit, I fell into lt after a timo. Of course that necessitated tho use ot ban danas. Nearly ovoryono carried them then, but 1 suppose I was singled out by somo newspaper man, and that's probably how tho thing started. You seo there. is nothing romantic about it." Serfs ami Sovereigns. American .Sovereign-Talk as you please about tho power of the poople in a limited monarch like that of Groat Britain, and tho utter dependence of tho royal family; I have no patlenco with anyono who acknowledges himself a subject of king or queen. English Sorf-'But, my dear slr, your President has moro power us a ruler than our Queen. "Ho wilds lt with our coasont." "Same way with us. Tho Quoon ls a moro figurehead to our ship. Tho peoplo aro in command." "No matter; tho thing lias the ap pearance of dictatorship, and that is something no American can or will stand. Wo aro freomen, sir; free born sovoreigns in our own right, slr; princes of llborty, slr, and tho maa doos not live to whom wo would bow our heads-" Political Boss-Hore, you blankoty blanked hound, what d'ye moan by load a' round when thore's so much work tor bo dono? Go ovor tor Bill Bulldozer's saloon an' git y'r orders for election day, an' bo quick about lt, too, or I'll take y'r blankoty blanked hoad off." "Y-o-s, slr." A Gcutloiiinn-H Salutations. A gentleman walking with a lady in , tho streot raises his hat to those per sons whom Bho salutes in passing, though thoy may bo strangers to him. When escorting a lady across a drawing room a gentleman bows, but doos not spoak, to those whom his companion sal utos. A gentloman rnlsos his hat to a lady whom he meets In a hall or corridor, providod it is not a publio thorough fare; but ho (loes-so without allowing his gaze to roiif? upon ber. Wnon driving, a man's hands may bo too much occupied to permit of touching tho hat; in that case a cor dial bow will satisfy tho most exacting acquaintance; ns tho reason is obvious. When in tho saddle a gontloman may lift ids hat or touch tho brim with his whip, as ho prefers. ?lm\ I How Clothespins aro Mudo. Clothespins aro mudo iii tho lumber roglons. They uro usually made of whlio ash, sometimes of beach, black and white blrob and maple. Tho wood Is taken to tho factory in logs and out Into lengths cf thirty one inches bj' circular saws. Those lengths aro then out into blocks and tho blocks again cut into sticks. Tho sticks aro placed under another saw, and out into tho required longths. Noxt tho turnor takos a hand at them and from there they go to the slotting machine. They aro placed In troughs by tho operator* the machine picking them up and slot ting them. They aro thou placed m a revolving pipo drier going thence to tho polishing oylinder and then to the packer. Each pin passes through eight bands. A. singlo plant consist of board saw, gang splitter, gang chunkor, turning latlio, drying house and pollshor and costs from $7,000 to $12,000. Tho ma' chines working aro very interesting. The littlo blocks of wood live and a half luchos long,aro placed on an end loss bolt, which feeds the blocks auto matically into the latho. ' As tho lathe is turned the pin ls taken automatically from tho spiudlo and placed on a turn table and carried to a circular saw, whlob whittles out tho sloe in tho pin. It ls then Unbilled and thrown out of tho turntable by tho same appliance that puts tho pins on tho table. Fall lug, they aro caught in a b^skot or barrel and aro then taken to tho dry ing house for ton to twonty-four hours or until dry. Tho polishing cylinder or rumbler bolds twtnty to forty bushels; this is run at - a slow speed, about thirty turns a minuto, and by simple friction and contact they be come polished. A Wilful Princess. Queen Victoria, as is woll known, ls dovotod to tho training as woll as the education of her children a constancy or oversight especially admirable in the occupant of a position entailing so many other Important and absorbing duties. Thus, Princesa Victoria, hav ing taken a whimsical dislike to one of tho masters (lot us say Mr. Smith) who gavo lessons to tho royal children, per sisted In suppressing, tho "Mr." lu addressing him on his arrival, saluting him with a "Good morning, Smith," Instead of "Good morning, Mr. Smith," ordained by tho rules of tho schoolroom. Tho queen having remon strated in vain with her daughter ob this impoliteness, shu at length declared that, if sho repeated the rudoness, sbo should be sont to bod for the remainder of tho day. So, at tho master's next entrance into tho schoolroom, tho wil ful young princess exclaimed, "Good morning, Smlthl and good night, Smith I for I'm just going off to hedi" and, swooping out of tho room, she antler went tho impending punishment, tho one which, of all that wer?) ever indicted upon them, the royal children, full of spirit and activity, especially disliked. Happily, the lit of childish obstinacy passed off under the annoy ance of this infliction, and thenceforth Mr. Smith mot with no lack of. polite ness from bis pupil. Tlioso Famous Kentucky Women. "".it; (.bose two Kirjs coming down i tito streetwalking together?)* H?U? my J dy ti leal fjieud A\- WV \voiVprbinoiiUdiihg ? Fpurtiibtloei "\V?di, nt wc paus thom j io doubt .v" cap ovi-rii. nv a scrap oil : heii of.-, a- ??-< lol , and 1 'll bet ?. i ?au Uli What they will Ray?>> . W hat will they say V" I asked. .'You'll hear tho words 'says ho,' .says 1,' or 'says she,' " he replied. ' Sure enough, when they got near onough to overhear them ono of the girls was talking glibly, and tho burdon of her remarks was "says he" this and "says 1" that. "Now, I bavo been a closo observer In this matter, and I have made this general formula in regard to conversa tion," continued tho cynic. "If you hoar ono hundrod bits of conversation between two women, thoro aro sixty chances that they aro talking about 'says bc,' 'says I' or 'says she,? with tho probabilities largely in favor of Maya he.' Then thero aro thirty-nine chances that thoy aro talking about matters of dress, and only ono chance In the hundred that they aro talking about something else. " "How about tho mon?",I inquired! "Well, I haven't got tho percentage down so fine tbore, but it ls safe to say that if you hoar ono hundrod sentences from ono hundred di durent men, such as you meet daily on tho streot, you will hear at least seventy-fivo oaths, ?f conreo, 1 moan if tho men are talk ing to mon." Adopted by Babbits. There ls an old man out in Mound Valley who has been adopted by a lot of Jack rabbits, writes a New York Sim correspondent from Carson City, Nev. Their friendliness and good feeling bavo becomo so obtrusive that tho old follow would'be thankful if something would happen to ahenato their affections. Ho ls a sort of hermit, living all alone on his ranch, where he devotos all his timo to cattlo and horso raising. As he doesn't try to raise vegetables tho rabbits could do bim no harm, and so ho has never tried to drive thom away. They soon became vory taino, and, as tho Jack rabbit ls rather au affectionate animal any way, thoy kept making moro advances and trials of friendship until thoy and the old man bavo become quito sociable. When ho goos out after his cows two or throe dozen rabbits will come troop ing along after him, leaping around him, running botweon his logs and nib bling his Angora. Vory ofton a drove of them will gather around his cabin and cut up all sort of pranks In front of hts door, leaping on bis bed, jump into tho chair -if ho isn't occupying the only ono himself-and nose around among hi3 kettles and dishes for something to eat. Several of tho most intelligent he has singled out for special favors. Ho has taught thom a number of tricks, such aa jumping over a bar or through a ring, walking on their hind legs and jumping ovor one another Uko a leap frog. 15 iit tho rabbits havo dovelopod such a liking for civilization that thoy aro about to take possession of his houso, and havo oven bogun to roar their broods in it, s > that tho old man hardly knows now whether ho owns tho houso or simply lives thoro with the rabbity. -Bishop William Taylor of the Methodist church., has had $12,000 placed to his account by Secretary Hunt, tho amount due for his salary during tho four years of his African mission work. NEWS IN mum jp -Honry George contemplates visit?- j lug Australia. -There are about1 10,0(10,000' Ho? brews lu tbe world. -China fools burt beoauso Australia <, baie out Ciilnamen. -Tho solitaire diamond rle? worn by Mrs. W. K. Vanderbilt cost $18,000. -Lady Moncktdu Js the only Eng lish lady of title on the English otago, |? -A professional rat catcher took 823 rodouts out of Vanderbilt's non ' house the other day. j -Eighteen thousand Irish girls, wive" have boon assisted to eougrato, sChl homo .?250,000 sterling In fivo years. -The late Eugeij? Rimmel, the London perfumer, left an .estate valued at 53100,000,000. Ho evidently knew how to mako seeuts turn.' into dollars. -Tho Anglican church of Now South Wales is to raise $1,000,000 as n centennial fund. Tho Wesleyans will also raise $250,000. Both amounts win be raised tn live years. -In Belgium drunkenness is pun ished by compelling tho man or womat caught in this condition to swoop th? . : streets for ? two hours after they got sober, it ?3 bettor pu nish mont than to shut the drunkard up lu tho station house. -Tho . only accident on tho ball holds of tho couutry in 1887 which re sulted In death occurred in a matefc. gamo at Poo.ovlllo, N, Y., when Ottu Bronson was struck on tho temple by a ball and instantly killed. -Jonathan Bourne, Jr., of Bedford, Mass., bought a gold mino ne'aV Sump? ter, Oro., for losii than S25,000. Aftoi declining various offers for lt and working it himself, ho hu3 now sold the mine for $1,500,000 lu cash aud ??4,01)0,000 lu Stock. -A dooroo has just been issued by tho Austrian Government banishing all grinders of organs from tho Btreets of the Kaiserstadt; In future tho bale and strong organ .grinders will be treated as4vagrauts,while thoso who are crippled or other.wlso afflicted will be / relogatcd to tho -almshouses. -Kojiro Mutsuga, ono of the'grad u? t atos of the Yale Law School this yo?:, Is a son of tho Japanese Minister of~.i Finance, and ls of royal blood. He has li been in America four years and speaks English, Latin and German. Ho will \ return to Japan two years boneo. -It is said timi Faunie Foin had i never written a word for publication until she had passed her fortieth birthday. She was unconscious of hor 1 Intent powers until mlsfortuuo made ber oxert thom. Robert Bonner was tho first to recognize her genius in tho , way of liberal remuneration. -Jay Gould has in his conservatory at Irvington not fewer than 400 varie ties of palms and treo ferns, besides a vast collection of smaller plants. Tho roso-houso, which is perhaps the most . delightful part of tho conservatory, is filled with tho finest summer and win ter roses to bo found in the United stales. -Tho Astor House- plot in New York city cost $100,000. and it much annoyed the builder that ho bad to pay such au enormous price for about 200 foot. The Park Bank, however, sipce then paid $350,000 fora 31-fdot front almost opposite the Astor, and real astete ex uer ts valu? the latter $2,000, 000 alone. .-Mi.-, llnrrlsiure f?fchi ? Dr. J ol tu \" Scott, ii. a reirnuh;a1 f woll-p;.: f,o*;?;ed and genial, lumdsc i'mid'eom. ?tyH? {-.HltloiUiVJ, - p'H ,vfit\> . (&* ;??> ?il ." Ima fv.r same :.< ';.><??> > ; ibo t.?,?oL.,-j?-?i-ti- ' . <.-:..." V.ithv-a-jingle exceptio??, tho plde'stA man In tho activo service of tho Go^ er nm ont. -Mr, T. M. -Wells has completed a clay model of the bronze statue of . Jamos W. Marshall, to bo erected on i tho spot whore gold was first discovered in California. lb is of colossal size and j represents Marshall clad hi a miner's J dross, holding a nugget in lils right J hand and with his loft pointing to the fl spotwhenco it was taken. ? -fi, -Tho largest wooden ships in the' world aro tho Komandor Svend Foyno, the latter of 2,459 tons, havlne been,' built at Maitland, N. S., 1ft 1874, aud callod the William D. Lawrence (tbej nemo of her buildor), and tho A, G. Ropes, of 2.342 tons, which was built at Bath, Maine, in 1884. There aro comparatively few other vessels ofy above 2,000 tons oven. -In tho British Museum in London,, carefully guarded in a glass ease, aro some of tho oldest shoes in tho world. They aro sandals, taken from vory an clont Egyptian tombs. Tho solos aro made of palm loaves, and they aro pro vided with bands made of tho stems of papyrus, Tho papyrus is a species of a.very tall reed which grows on marshy river banks in warna countries. -It ls reported from Detroit that a lad named Frank Balley, sixteen year? old, has suoh a monia for thrusting pins and needles into tho right side of his face and neck that it has become necessary to send him to a lunatic asy lum. At the time of his doparture he had from thirty to forty pins burled to the hoad in bis cheek, besides an un known number of needles that were out of sight, -A granddaughter of Charles Dickens ls now engaged on a promising enterprise. She bas ougagod a staff of young ladles, who, with herself, devote themselves to copying with the type writer. They have attained great pro ficiency in tho art and work moro neatly than most amateur typewriters. They are gotting plenty of custom, and aro especially clever in correctly decipher ing and rouderlng badly written man uscripts. , -Tho Roman Catholic church does not publish tho numbers bf its mem bers, but as its adherents are princi pally foreign born, or the children of foreign born o'ltlzeus and' inhabitants,, andas the number of immigrants has greatly increased of recont years, it ls only fair to assume that the Roman Catholics have ineroased also. Thoro aro now supposed to be about 7,000,000 Roman Catholics to 12,01)0,000 Prot estants. In 1835 there wore about 1,-, 250,000 out of 17,000,000 Inhabitants;! now thoro aro 7,000,000 out of say 00, 000,000. i -.Prince von Bismarck hkos cards* and hus loft lt on record that he once/ played with a political purpose in h la mind. He sat down at ecarte with tho Austrian plenipotentiary, who in a few; days would havo to discuss with him the Schleswig-Holstein question. It was hts cue to mt?e his opponont be? liovo that he was a rash man, and so he played wildly ano. staked Jilgh. Tho effect was that when they oame to talk polities ho found bis opponent deeply impressed with tho belief that Austria must not provoke a S tato having In its counoilo so reckless ? minister.