The Beaufort tribune and Port Royal commercial. [volume] (Beaufort, S.C.) 1877-1879, August 23, 1877, Image 1
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THE BEAUFORT TRIBUNE
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AND PORT ROTAL COMMERCIAL. "
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VOL. y. NO. 38. BEAUFORT, 8. C., THURSDAY, AUGUST 23, 1877. $00 Aim Single Copy 5 Ceils.
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>"ancj, the Pride of the West. c
We have dark, lovelv looks on the shores where 1
- the Spanish j
From their gay ships came gallantly forth, c
And the sweet, shrinkin' Toilets sooner will s
vanish ^
Than modest bine eyee from our North. r
But oh, if the fairest of fair-danghtered Erin 8
Gathered round at her golden request, g
There's not one of them [aH that she'd think s
worth ccmparin'
With Nancy, the Fride of the West i
l'oa'd suspect her the 6tatue the Greek fell in j.
love with, g
If you chanced on her musin' alone, ^
Or some goddess great Jove was offended j
above with, 1
And chilled to a sculpture of stone ;
But you'd think her no colorless classical s
statue, F
When she turns from her pensive repose,
With her glowin' brown eyes glancin' timidly at f
you,
And the blush of a beautiful rose.
c
Have you heard Nancy sigh ? Then you've ^
caught the sad echo
From the wind-harp enchantingly borne. I
Have you heard the girl laugh? Then you've
heard the drst cuckoo *}
Carol summer's delightful return.
And the songs that poor ignorant country folk ^
fancy I
Tho lark's liquid raptures on high,
Are just old Irish airs from the sweet lips of g
Nancy,
family. For the sake of enjoying unal- ~
loyed the pleasure of Angle's society for c
this short time, he has compromised ^
with his conscience by resolving at once gon
leaving to write to her and tell the ^
truth, and by no means to procrastinate ^
further. i
Meantime tlie process of getting ac- ! ^
quainted with the family does not get on ^
very prosperously. Bob is a poor match ^
from the parental point of view, aud a ^
bitter disappointment to the McLanes. ?i
Nothing but Angie's resolute character
could have extorted the grudging con- i
sent which their engagement had at j
length received. The family consisted, j.1
besides Angie, of her father and mother, J "
and two brothers, John and George, j s<
Mr. McLane kept his room, being a con- | 0
firmed invalid. John, strong-willed and j
arrogant in temper, ruled the family i "
with a rod of iron?Cteorge being kinder 11
tempered, but of much less strength of i r!
character. Angie was the only member |
of the family whom John could not rule, ! Vl
and she had carried the point of her en- ; ^
gagement against bis bitter opposition, i c
Mrs. McLane was a mere shuttlecock r'
between John and Angie, receiving an j .
impulse from one whicn lasted till the "
other got hold of her. John had accept- u
ed the engagement with an exceedingly &
bad grace, and made scarcely a decent
pretense of concealing from Bob his I
contempt and hostility, and his desire to j :J
find any pretext for forcing a quarrel. J1
This was particularly unpleasant and 1(
demoralizing to Bob, because the injury ft
to his own self-respect by the sense of ! 0
the tacit deceit he was guilty of as to his J J*
wig left him unable to meet John's over- *
bearing fasolenc? with the quiet dignity ^
he would have liked to assume. ! "
After going to Jbed he lay awake a "
couple <rf hours thinking over these em- \ ?]
barrassing circumstances, and the de- ! "
lightful loct of Augie's love, to which u
they were offsets. In the course of his j a
tossings he became aware that his seal
ring, was not on his finger, and instantly ; c
remembered that, after ueing it for *a ?
forfeit in a parlor-game that evening, he I ^
had forgotten to replace it. Vexation at | a
his carelessness instantly made him wide 1 tl
awake. The ring must be on the library- A
table. If not, then he knew not where; b
and, if there, it might be filched by a b
servant in the morning. Associations 11]
made it invaluable, and he found himself 1 b
so uneasy about its safety that he could
not sleep. Perhaps the best thing he ! a
could do was to quietly step down-stairs v
in his stockings without disturbing any- -sv
body, and make sure about it. He knew ri
that he could, even in the dark, steer his si
way straight to the library. In this a
sleepless, excited state of his mind the h
slight tinge of adventure in his plan had d
an attraction, i 61
Jumping out of bad ht put on a part i a
Flowm' up ana rerresnm me say. ^
And tho' her foot dances so soft from the J
heather ?-. j
To the dew-twinklin' tussocks of grass.
It but warns the bright drops to slip closer to- s
gether, t
To image the exquisite lass, <]
"We've no men left among us so lost to emotion, t]
Or scornful, or cold to her sex, a
Who'd resist her, if Nancy once took up the r
notion, I
To set that soft foot on their necks. f
Yet for all that the bee flies for honey-dew
fragrant ' - a
To the half-opened flower ef her lips, s
And tho butterfly pauses, the purple-eyed ?
vagrant, ^
To play with her p'nk finger tips, f
From all human lovers she locks up the ^
treasure ' *
A thousand are starving to taste, r
And the fairies alone know the magical f
measure 9 o
Of th* ravishin' round of her waist. t
?77ie Author of " Songs of Killarneyf
?a????== , t
A MIDNIGHT DRAMA. "
d
Wbat a sigh was that ! not noisy, bu*
pr >foi?nd and eloqnent at once of an oh f
grief and a fre^li perplexity. Bob 1.
Withers, tho gentleman iu his shirtsleeves
before the mirror, had heaved j
that sigh every night for ten years,
simultaneously with the act of removiug ^
from his head the fine chestnut wig t
which conceals the almost complete dee- e
titution of the natural covering. The
grief is therefore an old one, but an ele- *
nf TuarnltTitr l<oo minorlod wifli ,,
JUitUU VI UMV y|
this" nightly sigh more lately? Damely, jj
since having wooed and won Angie Mo
Lane in hie wig, he has been screwing '
np his courage to the point of revealing
to her that it is a wig, as he feels in fair- ^
ness he ought to do. He has put it off,
and put it off, never finding just the ^
right opportunity for the confession, t
until now the wedding is but a month |
off, and the task seems harder, more impossible,
than ever. He is at present j
spending a couple of days at the house ^
of the McLanes in the country, with a
view to getting acquainted with the Q
if his clothes, and, softly opening the
loor of the room, went across the hall
nd down the sta;rs to the ground-floor.
t was qnite dark, but he found his way
asily, having a good topographic intinct.
From the lower hull he entered
he dining-room, and from that the libray.
The sea-coal fire in the grate was
till flickering brightly, illuminating the
umptuously-furmshed room with a faint,
oft glow of peculiarly rich effect.
There on the table his ring glittered
n the fitful firelight, and, as he slipped
t on his finger, he felicitated himself on
tis successful enterprise. The room was
o charmingly cozy that he felt it would
>e a sin not to linger awhile. Bo, throwngh
'mself on a sofa before the grate,
le fc . into a delightful reverie.
Just there, in that chair, Angie had
at during the evening, and there he
>ictured her again, finally going and
eaning over it in a caressing attitude,
ondly cheating himself. Over there
lad sat Mrs. McLane, and the chair>ack
at once transfixed him with two
ritical eves, till he was fain to look away.
Che brothers were there, and there.
Bob chuckled with a cozy sense of sureptitiousness
as he thought how th$y
rould stare could they see him now.
The subtile pleasure of clandestine things
s doubtless partly the exaggeration of
he personality which takes place as the
>re8eure of other minds is withdrawn.
Co persons of Bob's sensitive mental atnosphere
that pressure is painful when
uch minds are hostile, and often irksome
wen when they are friendly, if not iu
>erfect accord. So that now it was with
i positively voluptuous sensation that
lis personality expanded till it filled and
elt the whole room.
The fire burned, and busily flew the
buttles of his fancy, weaving once again
he often-varied patterns of the future.
Those shuttles had little leisure nowalays,
for all the web must be unraveled
,ud rewoven, that through it all might
nn the golden thread of Angie's love,
low rarely did it light up the fabric, beore
so dull and dark !
The bronze mantle-clock aounded with
, silvery tinkle the hour of two, but the
ouud fell apparently unheeded on the
nr of the dreamer. It was a full minute
>efoi*e the impression reached his mind,
['here are times when the thoughts
hrong 60 that each new sensation lias to
ake its place in the cue and wait its turn
o get attention. Then he stirred and
oused himself, emerging reluctantly
rom the warm, voluptuous atmosphere
if imagination, as one leaves an enervaing
bath. He had been lying thus a
ull hour, and it was high time to return
o bed. He left the library and started
cross the dining-room with a hasty step,
Perhaps long gazing at the fire had
lazzied his eyes, or perhaps his haste,
ogcther with an undue confidence iu his
kill in navigation hv ilead-reckoniucr.
endered him less careful than when he
lad come down. However that may be,
light stand which he had easily avoided
hen, he now blundered fully upon.
Everybody knows that when one stubs
ho toe in the dark, instead of delivering
he blow when the foot is moving slowst,
at the beginning or the end of the
tep, it always happens so that the toe
trikes with the maximum momentum.
k> it was this time. If Bob had been
icking football he could not have made
nicer calculation of force, and the shock
ent the stand completely over.
It would have made noise enough anyow,
but it must happen that on this
land the family silver was laid out for
reakfast,%nd the clangor was similar to
hat of Apollo's silver bow, what time
e let fly at the Grecian host before Troy.
Bob stood paralyzed with horror.
Iven the anguish of a terribly stubbed
3e was forgotten in an overpowering
ense of the awful mess he had made,
nd the unimaginable consequences that
rould at once ensue. As the hideous
langor and clatter rang through the
ouse, shattering its sacred silence, he
Lirank together and made himself small,
s if he could impart a sympathetic
briukage to the noise. The racket to
is own ears was splitting enough, but
e felt, in addition, as if he heard it with
lie ears of all the family, and he wilted
efore the conception of the feelings
!iat were at that moment starting up in
iieir minds toward the unknown cause
f it.
His first rational idea was, to bolt for
iR room, and gain it before any one was
liriy rouped. But the shock had so
cattered his wits that lie could not at
nee recollect his bearings, and lie
ealized, with indescribable sensations,
iat ne was lost, ne consumed precious
loments bumping himself all about the
50m before he found the right door.
As he reached the foot of the staircase,
oiees were audible above, and lights
'ere gleaming down. His retreat was
nt off; he could not get back to his
xnn without being discovered. He now
istinguished the voice of Mrs. McLane
1 an agitated tone entreating somebody
i be careful and not to get shot, the
ruff voices of the brothers responding,
nd then their steps rapidly descending
tie stairs. Should he go up and take
le risk of a volley while announcing
imself ? It would make a pretty tab?au.
Presenting himself in such a guise
ud under such circumstances, what sort
f a reception could he expect from John,
ho treated him with undisguised con>n.pt
in the drawing-room, and whose
fcudy it was to place him at a disadvanige?
He might have hesitated longer,
ut at this moment the voice of Angie,
tying down to her brothers to be carejj,
decided him. He could not face her
nder such terribly fake circumstances,
ud without his wig.
All IaaIt y\1a/ia nni/tlror fVion T
*Lli U1XO ivua 1U1 V^UiVUVA J.
an write it. The glimmer of the defending
lamp already shone dimly in
tie hall, and Bob frantically looked
bout him for a hiding-place. But all
tie furniture stood up too high from the
oor, and the corners were distressingly
are. He sprang into the dining-room,
ut in the dark he could not see how
tie land lay, and hurried on into the
brary.
The dying-fire still shed a dim light
round, and he eagerly canvassed the
arious possibilities of concealment
-hich the room offered. Youthful expeience
in the game of hide-and-seek now
tood him in good stead, and showed liim
t a glance the inutility as refuges of
alf a dozen places that would have
eluded one less practiced by the speious
but too-easily-guessed shelter they
ffordtd*
Vainly seeking a safe refuge, he ran
round the apartment like a rat in a trap.
He already heard the brothers in the
dining-room picking up the silver and
wondering to find it all there, when,
obeying a sudden inspiration, he clambered
upon a lofty bookcase that rai^
across one end of the room, arohing
above the dining-room door, and reaching
within a few feet of the ceiling. In cold
blood he never could have scaled it.
Lying at full length upon the top of the
bookcase with his back to the wall, the
bulge of him was still visible from the
further part of the room, in case it
should occur to hiB pursuers to look so
liicli
?o?
The latter now entered the library;
and, peering over the edge of the bookcase,
Bob recognized with singular sensations
the two gentlemen with whom ke
had been quietly conversing a little
earlier in the evening. Then they were
arrayed in faultless evening dress, and
their manner, although supercilious
enough, was calm and polished. Now he
saw tnem half dressed, with disheveled
hair?John carrying a student's-lamp in
his left hand, and in his right an uglylooking
cane-sword with a blade painfully
naked, while George held a revolver
at full cock.
Talking in a low tone, as they called
one another's attention to various spots
where possibly the burglar might be
concealed, they went slowly from corner
to corner, probing every recess "with the
sword, and in an attitude of strained attention
to every sound. Their faces, grotesquely
lit by the mingled fire and lainp
light, snowed a fierce hunter's look. that
made Bob fairly sick.
He did not dare to look at them long lest
the magnetism of his gaze should attract
their involuntary attention. Nay, he
even made a frantic effort not to think of
them, from the fear that some physical
current might have the same effect?for
he believed strongly, though, vaguely,
in the mysteries of animal magnetism,
and had a notion that a person sensitive
to such influences might detect the presi
A r?f v>is victim bv the verv terror the
latter had of him.
He could scarcely believe his fortune,
when, a moment later, the two brothers
passed again beneath him back into the
dining-room.
From there they went on through the
rooms beyond, and the sound of their
footsteps died away entirely.
Perhaps five minutes after, they returned?that
is,as far as the dining-room
?and Bob gathered from their eonver-sation
that they had found one of the
fastenings in the basement in a condition
indicating that the burglar might have
escaped there.
Mrs. McLane and Angie, having satisfied
themselves that the coast was clear,
descended to the dining-room, and a
lively discussion of all aspects of the
problem ensued, which was highly edifying
to Bob.
Then the conversation became still
more interacting, as it turned on himself.
Ho heard Mrs. McLane saying:
"He must be a hard sleeper, for I
knocked several times on his door."
Then one of the brothers grunted
something contemptuously, and he
heard Angie's voice excusing him on the
ground that he must be tired after his
lo^journ^y.
'< Ar&yon sure you looked everywhere
in the library Tyffe, Mrs. McLane's next
question, at which a oold sweat?started
out on Bob's face. He had just begun
K> ieei quite uuiuiL>ru?uic.
John and George, however; declared
that they had looked everywhere.
" Did you look under the sofa ?"
" Behind the window-curtains ?"
"In that dark corner by the bookcase
?" asked the ladies in succession
Ingenious cruelty of fate ! Even Angie
was racking her brain to guess his hidingplace.
What if it should be she who hit
upon it !
Bob drew a breath of relief as John
replied, with some asperity, to all these
questions, that he had told them once
that they looked everywhere.
This silenced them, but Angie said, a
moment after:
" Just let me ask one more question:
Did you look on top of the bookcase ?"
It seemed to Bob that he died then,
i and came to life again to hear John reply,
! contemptuously:
"Over the bookcase?" There's no
room there; and, if there were, nobody
but a monkey could get up."
" There's room enough," persisted
Angie, "and I have often noticed, when
sitting in the library, what a nice hidingplace
it would be. What if he should
be up there now, and hear what Fm
saying!" she added, in an agitated
whisper.
"Nonsense!" said John.
"Well, there is no harm in looking,
anyway," said Mrs. McLane.
" Come along, then," grumbled John.
" You shall see for yourselves."
At this Bob shut his eyes, and turned
his face to the wall. The ostrich instinct is
the human instinct of despair. He tried to
fly away from himself, and leave his
body there as a derelict. The effort was
desperate, and seemed almost successful.
But he could not quite sever the connection,
though his soul appeared to be
hovering over his body, only attached by
a single threat!?but a thread which,
alas! would not break,
A moment after they all passed
through the door directly beneath him,
and, going clear to the other end of the
1?U?A??? ort<l nf
IlUIiUJ y Dl/WU v/u HJ/IVCJ nuu au
his hiding-place. There seemed to be
eye6 in his back, which felt their scrutiny.
But the lamp they carried did not suffice
to bring out his figure clearly.
"I'm sure I see something," said
Angie, getting up on a chair.
"It's only the shadow of the firelight,"
! replied John.
" Light the gas and let us make sure,"
said Mrs. McLane.
George stood up on a chair under the
t chandelier, and ligd one of the
burners.
An inarticulate ejaculation fell from
every mouth. A human figure was distinctly
visible, reclining along the top of
the bookcase, with his face toward the
wall. The ladies would have forthwith
run away but for the faot that one door
of the room was directly beneath the
bookcase, and the other close to it.
Upon Bob's paralyzed senses fell the
i sharp words of John:
We've got you. Get down 1"
He did not move, but at the summons
I hit soul,with inexpressible reluctance and
disgust,beganto return from the end of its
floating thread,and reinhabitthe quarters
for which it could not quite shake off
responsibility."
Get up, or I'll shoot I" said George.
"Oh, don't shoot him!" cried Mrs.
McLane, while Bob, still motionless,
dimly hoped he would
"Get up !" reiterated John; and he
did get up. His own will was inactive,
and John's was the force that moved his
muscles. He turned around and sat up,
his legs dangling over the edge of the
bookcase, and his wet, white, wretched
face blankly directed toward the group?
a most pitable figure.
44 Jump down," said John; 44 and, if
vou try to escape, you will get shot!"
Bob let himself drop without regard
to how he was to alight, and in consequence
was severely bruised against a
chair and the edges of the bookcase.
He stood facing the group. His eyes
mechanically sought Angie's. What was
his surprise not to perceive in her expression
of mingled curiosity and fright
the slightest sign of recognition! A
glance showed him that it was the same
with the others. John and George evidently
supposed they were dealing with
an ordinary burglar, and the others were
apparently quite as devoid of suspicion
as to his identity. His wig! He had
forgotten all about it. That explained
their singular demeanor.
The bald man in stockings, trousers
and shirt, caught hiding in the library
after an attempt on the silver, quite
naturally failed to recall to their minds
the grouth of rather foppish attire and
luxuriant locks who bade them goodnight
a few hours previous. As this
fact audits explanation broke upon Bob's
mind he felt on immense sense of relief,
instantly followed by a more poignant
perception of the inextricable falsity and
cruel absurdity of his position. He had
little time to think it over and determine
his best course.
John stepped forward, and with the
point of his cane-sword motioned him
into a corner, thus leaving the way clear
to the ladies, who at onoe hurried into
the dining-room, throwing glances of
fear and aversion upon Bob as they
passed. Angie paused at the doorway
and asked:
" What are you going to do with the
dreadful man ?"
Bob even then was able to notice that
he had never seen her so ravishingly
beautiful as now, with her golden hair
falling over her charming deshabille,
whilS. her eyas scintillated with excitement,
She would have blushed to have
been seen him in such an undress
toilet, but, with an odd feeling of being
double, he perceived that she now regarded
him as she woold have an
animal.
"George, and I will attend to him.
Yon had better gcrto bed," replied John
to her question; and then he sent George
after some cord, meanwhile standing in
front of Bob with cocked revolver. Had
he scanned his prisoner closely, he might
have detected something familiar in his
lineaments, but in careless contempt he
took him in with a sweeping glance as
an average burglar, whose identity was
a question for the police.
Bob had not uttered a word. Ir the
complex falsity of his position he could
not indeed muster presence of mind to
resolve on any course, but regarded with
a kind of fatuity the extraordinary direction
events were taking. But when
George \ returned with the rope, and ordered
him to put his hands behind him,
he said, in a tone so quiet that it surprised
himself:
" Hold on, Mr. MoLane; this joke has
gone far enough. I api Robert Withers,
at yemr service, and respectfully decline
to be considered in the light of a burglar
any further."
George's jaw dropped with astonishment,
and John was scarcely less taken
aback.
,41>?d if he isn't!" ejaculated the
former, after a moment, in a tone of incredulous
oonviction, as he recognized
at once the voice and now the features of
Bob; " but where's vour hair ?"
Bob blushed painrally.
" I wear a wig," be replied, " and tonight,
oommg down-stairs after you
were all abed to get my ring which I had
left on the table here, I did not fully
dress. Going back, it was my luck to
stumble over that cursed stand in the
other room!"
" But what did you hide for ?" asked
John, sharply; Bob
just touched his bald head and replied
:
" I heard the ladies up."
John pitched the revolver on the sofa
and stood pensive. Finally he said, with
a sardonic smile:
" Mr J Withers, how do you propose to
get out of this ? Shall I call in the
lodfes and let you etplaiu ? They will
presently be wanting to know what we
have done with the burglar."
Bob made no reply. Already bitterly
humiliated, he saw no way of avoiding
indefinite and yet bitterer humiliations.
John thought a few minutes longer,
and then he said :
"Take a seat, Mr. Withers; I liave a !
proposition to make."
They sat down.
" Ton are aware," continued John, in
? ?J 1--L1. i. I
the calmest, most lmpenuroaoie tone,
" that I don't like your match with my
sister, and have done my best to break
it off. ?ut she is an obstinate girl, and
I had pretty much given up hope.
These peculiar circumstances have most
unexpectedly put you in my power, and
I propose to make the most of my advantage.
If I weroto call in Angie now I
and introduce yon, I feel tolerably well,
assured that it would be the end of your
matrimonial expectations in that quarter.
Still, you shall have a chance for
your life. I will call her if you say so ?"
And John rose.
11 FV>r God's sake don't let her come
in here !" groaned Bob, in abject panic.
John grinned, stepped toward the
door, and then turned back irresolutely, j
muttering :
" Wonder if it wouldn't be the shortest
wayont of itto call her down?" Then, with
a saving reflection upon the uncertainty
of a woman's oourse under any given set j
of circumstances, he came back, and, reseating
himself opposite Bob, said, with
a Rardonic smile : "So you don't like
my little suggestion of giving you one , 1
more chance with Angie ? On the whole, i
I think you are wise. The other alternative
is to leave the house at once, re- i
linquiih your engagement, and never
see lier again. Make your choice, and
as quickly as convenient, for I'm getting
sleepy," and he yawned lazily.
Bob sat in ah attitude of utter dejeotion,
staring at the ashes of the fire,
Which an hour ago had blazed as brightly
&8 his own lore-lit fancies. He was
completely demoralized and almost incapable
of thought or resolution. There
was something so pitiable in Bob's oddlooking,
dismantled figure, half-dressed,
with that queer, white, bulbous head,
dimmed, black eyes, and expression of
crushing shame and defeat, that it would
Iiqxto mrkT7ttf1 almnsf fttlV fltlfi to COm
passion. It did stir compunctions in
George, but there was no mercy in
John's still, blue eyes. Two or three
minutes passed in a silence so complete
that even the almost noiseless movement
of the French clock on the mantel was
directly audible. .
" You are taking altogether too long
to make up you mind, Mr. Withers. It
will make shorter work to call Angie,"
finally said John, sharply, his patience
quite at an end. He rose and stepped
to the door as he spoke.
"It won't be necessary, John?here I
am!" said a clear voice, with a sharp
ring in it that the family had learned to
know meant decisive work, and Angie
stepped into the room, her blue eyes
flashing with indignation and her lips
trembling with scorn, beautiful as a
goddess.
Bob started up from his abject attitude
and stood facing her with the look
of a man waiting his doom from the
firing-squad. As he stood there, drawn
up to his full height, with just a touch
of appeal softening the defiance of his
expression, it was a manly face and
figure in spite of all. But her brothers
received Angie's first attention.
" You mean, cowardly fellows !" she
said, in tones of concentrated contempt.
" I would not have believed that men
were so mean ! And I am almost as
much ashamed of yon, Mr. Withers,"
she added, turning to Bob, with a
softer but yet angry voice. "Did
you think, sir, that I took you for
your beauty? I don't care if you
wear forty wigs, or none. You are
alicmwlltr train flir " She was SmlliUiZ
now. "You should know tliat wlien a
woman loves a man it is of grace and not
of works. Anyhow, John," she added,
turning to him, as if contrasting his
slight ligure with Bob's line physique,
" Mr. Withers doesn't wear shoulder
pads." With that parting shot she disappeared
into the dining-room, in a moment
reappearing, to say : "Mr.
Withers,you may forgive them if yon want
to. I'm by no means sure that i shall.
And now go to bed, all of you, and don't
be keeping us awake."
There was an outward silence for a
few moments. Then John said:
" I don't ask your pardon, Mr.
Withers, because I meant to succeed,
and I'm sorry I didn't But I know
when I'm beaten, and* yon needn't expect
no further opposition from me.
Let's go to bed."?Applcton's JoumqL
A Few Good Conundrums.
What is the difference between a
spider and a sea-gull ??Oue has his feet
on a web and the other has a web on his
feet.
Why is a hansom cab a dangerous
carriage to drive in ??Because the
coachmau always drives over yonr head.
Why are lawyers and doctors safe
people by whom to take example??
Because they practice their professions.
What is the difference between a sailor
and a soldier ??The one tars his ropes,
the other pitches his tents.
Why is cliloroform like Mendellsohn ?
?Because it is one of the great composers
of modern times.
What is the difference between a hun
gry man and a glutton ??One longs to
eat, the other cats to long.
When were there only two vowels ??
In the days of Noah (no a,) before you
and I (i) were born.
Why is a good resolution like a fainting
lady at a ball ??Because it ought to
be carried out. /
Why is the strap of an omnibus like
conscience??It is an inward check on
the onter man.
When is butter like Irish children ??
When it is made up into little Pats.
Why is a handsome girl like a mirror?
?Because she is a gooa-iooKing mas.
Why is a pretty lady like an oat cake ?
?Because she is often toasted.
What is the greatest hardship in the
world ??A iron steamer.
What is the best thing to do in a
hurry ??Nothing.Which
is the ugliest hood ever worn ?
?Falsehood.
What grows bigger as you contract it?
?Debt.
Why are troubles like babies??Because
they get bigger by nursing them.
There is one crop which is held to be
all the better the more " weeds" it
produces, and that is the tobacco crop.
Thoughts for Saturday Sight.
The envious die, but envy never.
Death is the quiet haven of us all.
Fortune, not wisdom, human life doth
sway.
Too much gravity argues a shallow
mind.
We do not know what is really good or
bad fortune.
No one is more profoundly sad than he
that laughs too much.
Countries are well cultivated not as
they are fertile, but as they are free.
That laughter oosts too much which
is purchased by the sacrifice of decency.
The first and worst of all frauds is to j
cheat one's self. All sin is easy after
that.
The greatest glory of a free born people
is to transmit their glory to their
children.
fir
To be a man, in a true sense, is, in the
first place, and above all things, to have
a wife.
The man who seeks freedom for anything
but freedom's self is made to be a
slave.
Bid that welcome which comes to punish
us, and we punish it, seeming to bear
it lightly.
Husbands and wives talk of the cares
of matrimony and bachelors and spinsters j
bear them.
Though fortune's malice overthrow my i
state, my mind exoeeds the enmpass o< !
her will,? Wiaketpeart, 1
DAXIEL WEBSTER'S EaITH.
.Heetioff the HiubtuS of 111* Dead Mlitero
A Visit Passed in Prayer.
The death of the Hon. Peter Harvey,
Webster's moot intimate and confidential
friend, recalls a convention held With
him by the writer some time since,
luting to the character of the great statesman,
wherein many of his excellent
qualities were mentioned, and among the
rest his deep religions feeling, Which,
notwithstanding the numerous claims
upon him?many diverting his attention
from serious reflections?never wholly
lost its hold* thongh dulled perhaps, for
?? -J-?i?a *Ua
a season, ne was euuwwu m
Presbyterian faith, strengthened by his
training at Dartmouth College, and the
religious sentiment held a prominent
place in his mind. Mr. Harvey dwelt
with especial interest on this trait in the
character of his distinguished friend,
and gave as an illustration what he considered
to be one of the grandest incidents
of his career.
Webster left his home early for busy
life, and- returned there only on periodical
occasions. There were sisters who
grew up after he left, and one of these
was quarried to a man whom he did not
know?I write from memory?named
John Colby, and removed to his home in
another part of New Hampshire, or in
Vermont, and he never saw her again.
Her husband was a violent and profane
man, but her gentleness subdued him;
he became a Christian, and when she
died he was left in the deepest grief.
On a visit with Mr. Harvey to the old
homestead, at a late period of his life,
an old man then, but vigorous in body
and intellect, he proposed to his friend
that they should go in pursuit of John
Colby, whom he never had seen, and the
description of this journey, as given by
Mr. Harvey, was charming to listen to.
As they rode along, every scene had its
history or tradition. Reminiscence
crowded upon reminiscence, and Webafor'a
memory seemed exhaustless, as
scene followed scene in the panoramic
display. And where the memory was
not called into action the grandest reflections
were introduced, which made every
step of the way replete with the subliniest
interest. Here was a spot where
he had played as a boy, there a pond in
which he had swam or shot waterfowl;
there a withered tree which had served
as a target for the young sportsman, and
there a mountain whose lofty peak had
drawn his aspirations heavenward in his
earlier days. All were as fresh in his
feelings as things of yesterday, and he
was a boy again, with all the abandon of
the boy?a delightful companion and his
friend a delighted listener.
Thus they went on in the full enjoyment
of everything until they came to
their destination. This was a neat white
house upon a gentle elevation, with a
veranda about the structure, upon which,
in the shadow, commanding a view of
the beautiful landscape, sat an old
white-haired man reading. He looked
up from his book as they entered the
yard leading to the house, and came to
meet them. Mr. Webster abrubtly accosted
him :
" Are you John Colby ?"
"I am," was the reply.
" Then," said his interlocutor, with a
trembling voice, "I am Baniel Webster."
The greeting that followed was of the
most hearty description; both wept as
they embraced again and again.
"And are you," said Colby, holding
the statesman at arms' length, "the
Daniel Webster whose name has been
so long and so conspicuously before the
public?of whose fame I have been so
1 n m XI._x ? 1,V^
proud ? lw1, llliu your biotcx uou iitcu
to see this day ! Brother Daniel," continued
the old man, "are you a Christian
?"
"I trust I am," was the emphatic
reply.
"Then let us pray."
They all three kneeled in the open air,
tne Bible open between them, and Webster
prayed. "And such a prayer,"
said Mr. Harvey, with tears in his eyes,
as he recalled the scene, so long afterward,
" I never listened to, as came from
liis lips. Such power, such fervency,
such reverence," such tenderness seemed
never before blended with such intellectual
grace and beauty. All were
melted by the effort, as with clasped
hands and bowed heads the brothers
poured out their souls in praise and supplications.
"
Then they arose, and in that sweet
communion of spirit talked of the past j
and the future, the light of heaven resting
upon them as they wa^ed arm in
arm across the veranda, and oftener by
expressive silence saying more than
words could convey. Their parting was
very tender. They knew it was a final
parting, and a deep solemnity rested
upon the ceremony. But the farewell
was at last said, and as they looked back
the hands of the old man were raised in
benediction.
Delicacy of Feeling.
Delicacy of feeling is a trait of character
almost more lovely and engaging
than any other. It is a quality whose
hidden principle exists in a greater or
less degree in every mind, though it is
often thrown into the shade by the workings
of the fiercer passions, in the rude
encounters of life. Man's mind, as manifested
in his daily converse with the
ontward world, seems to be made of
"sterner stuff" and cast in rougher
molds, but delicacy is no mark of weak
ness, for it is essentially consistent with
the stontest courage aod the sublimest
energy. It is in every respect a manly
quality, 'and throws over the whole intellectual
and moral character a kindlier
hue. If true delicacy exists iu the heart,
it will gush spontaneously from it. and
never can the cold cant of hypocritical
formality be mistaken for the warm welcome
of the soul.
Power, mental or physical, never appears
so great as in the hands of those
who seem unconscious of its possession.
True intellectual greatness gathers an additional
ck&raa-when accompanied by real
delicacy of feeling. KindneSc may enter
where the sword cannot penetrate,
and a " soft answer" and winning deportment,
springing from delicate feelings
and a generous heart, have always
proved irresistible. Breathing nothing
but harmony and love, a " a ministering
angel " to mankind, it goes to and fro
on tho earth, uniting everywhere more
firmly and *ti'ongl/ the bonds of mvtfaj
union. ' ?
Items ot Interest
The center of gravity?An undertaker's
nose.
Of the 80,219 school-going children in
San Francisoo, 2,082 are Chinese.
The Alfred (Me.) jail prisoners are
put to work catching potato bugs.
The United States annually ships over
100,000 boxes of clothes-pins to Eng]
land.
There are always twenty-five thousand *
lost umbrellas at the Fans chief of
police's office.
"Whatever is, is right," Pope remarked.
But the man who arrives at
the depot just as the train is scudding
along at the other end is generally left.
A stroke of lightning the other day
tore a boy's boot all to pieoes and didn't
1 Al U mAaasvn WOO fllftf V) A
uanil uie uujr. mc iww nw
had placed the boot under a tree and
gone in swimming.
A writer says that when a swimmer
gets a cramp, he should turn his toes
toward the knee. Another good way is
to turn your toes toward the "middle of
the pond, and paw for the nearest dry
A New York reporter has complained
of a hand organ man as a nuisance.
Such a man would never do in the West,
where the reporters are hushed to sleep
by the uproar of steam thrashing machines.
A trick resorted to just now by a class
of sharpers in London, is to paint the #
feathers of sparrows so as to make them
look like bulfinches. They are disposed
of to amateur bird fanciers at good
prices. .
John A. Garber, of East Donegal
township, Pennsylvania, mixed some
paris green in a bucket and set it near
the fence adjoining the pasture. Four
cows found the stuff, and "kicked the
bucket."
Nobody likes to be nobody; but everybody
is pleased to think himself somebody.
And everybody is somebody; but
when everybody thinks himself somebody,
he generally thinks everybody
else is nobody.
A young lady at Falls Chock, Va.,
smoked a cigarette given to ker by a
medical gentleman, and woke up in the
' 1,1 faatiniT Oft thoTlffh
miacue ui uic ui^uii iwiuaq ??0?
she had eaten a peck of green apples
and several immature cucumbers.
Several English railway companies
are noted for the fast time made by their
locomotives. One, for instance, has
made a run equal to seventy-eight miles
an hour, another seventy-five, others
seventy-two, seventy, sixty-nine, sixtyseven,
etc.
A Pacific-slope Indian was pleased by
his introduction to a galvanic battery,
though it doubled him all up. Because,
as he remarked to his squaw: " Me buy
'em one for you; knock spots out you
spose you no good woman. You sabe
me, Mrs. Jim."
One reason why the New York
Graphic refuses to publish anything
from George Francis Train is because
"Mr. Train's articles are worth $26,000
apiece to any paper, if they are worth a
cent, but the times are too ln>rd for us
to pay at this rate, and we decline to
give any man less than his due."
He wiped hia heated brow, he did,
His brow so intellectual;
But all he said about the heat
Was sadly ineffectual.
But she, sweet lass, did say to him, *
In mellow tones unwavering,
" Dear George, I am so warm ; I'd like
Ice cream, with lemon flavoring."
A young student in natural history
asks us if it is really a fact that the lion
can be subdued by the force of the
human eye alone. We do not know
from experience, but all the men whom
we have ever seen placed in a situation
to try the experiment, evinced no desire
to annihilate the beast with their eyes,
but appeared to have a most insane longing
to shin up a tree.
"I'll bet you a new hat," said a
gentleman friend, " that you will come
down out of that chair before I ask you
twice." "Done!" replied the friend.
"Oome down," cried the other. "I
will not," said his friend, with much
obstinacy. " Then stop till I ask you a
second time," said the other. Perceiving
tLat he never would be asked a second
time, the gentleman in the chair came
down, in a double sense. *
Kissing Day in Russia.
A curious Easter custom prevails
among the Russians of all grades of
society. The fashion is to present an
egg to a friend the first time you meet
him or her?most generally her?after
twelve o'clock on Easter night. The one
who presents the egg exclaims : " Christ
is risen !" The other answers : " Is He
risen, indeed!" and three kisses follow.
Of course the second one has generally
an egg to present in return.
Timid swains eagerly take advantage
of this custom to obtain the privilege of
embracing some fond object whom they
would otherwise be too bashful to approach.
These eggs are of all kindssome
simple hens' eggs, gilded or
silvered, or colored ; red, blue or violet;
some sugar eggs, embellished with all
kinds of fanciful designs. There are
also diminutive gold, marble, or simple
wooden eggs ; others are large enough
to serve as ladies' traveling bags; or,
they may be placed on stands to serve
as a useful ornament; hens may sit on
a nest full of bon-bon eggs; and some
may be fitted up inside with a set of chil- .
dren's toys. There are eggs, in fact,
arranged in every imaginable manner,
and made out of every imaginable
material.
On this day hundreds of thousands of
these change hands in St. Petersburg .
alone, and the sum spent in their purchase
must be prodigious.
A Model District,
Ju that part of the Black Forest belonging
to the grand dnchy of Baden lies
the pretty district of Koenigsfeld, containing
about 410 inhabitants. During
fifty years there have been in it no crimes
or misdemeanors of any sort?neither
transgressions of the police regulations,
nor sheriff's sales, nor divorces, nor lawsuits
of any kind. Moreover, in these
last fifty years at Koenigsfeld no one has
ever got drunk or atrotohod out a hand
tobff.