Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

CO! I Is still their \ they < suit: For n assorl B i. get tli IH suit o ? also i I C? II Phone ] OLD HAYSEED WRITES. Discusses Automobiles, Religion, Wo Er~ men, and Other Things. Mister Printer of The Bamberg Her! aid; : . Deer Sur. It has allers been p: the hite ov my harts desires to Y see a letter ov mine in rale Print| in an i jest larnt not verry long ago fe that thar wuz a Knews paper ma* Efc sheen rannin in Bamberg an sez I ml"' "thars my chantz of carryin out my ?> harts desire, Mabe I can git in the Feeld ov Journalism b4 I dye" an I sot to wurk burnin the midnite oil Pv tryin to briten up my Orthography, || >- - an rub up my Intellect, so the fust p>. ' artickel I rit fur yore paper wood be & elevatin an upliftin to awl ov it-s r reeders. An I hav thunk fur a couple nv days, an i hope the results ov so > ;* much hard wurk, will escape the K waist basket. I've ben anx ankaus |o pay you a vizet, an see &-/ awl the manuvers an manipuWly. lashuns of a Printin masheen, but Danged if I kin git in twelve mile o' the Stashun on ac&T:?. count o' these things they call ortof mobeels. ' 'il J V. ^ fi started mar luiuei ua? an ua-a mv cart loaded with stove wood, hen fraot an several large bunnels of Broom straw, an when I had driv about five mile, what shood I see a pomin to'ards me but one o' them allfired, creeter skeerin masheens. driv by a dum fool, who didn't hav sense enuff to stop when he seed my .creetur wuz gittin skeered. "Hey * thar! Hey thar, consarn ye," sez 1. "Hold on a minet, can't ye?" but the wiry cuss went flyin by an time my creeter heerd it giv a honk, and 6melt ov it, she jest natcherly, Burnt the wind, an I tell you. it's 'tarnation hard to hold a creeter when they git skeert at a Ortomobeel. Sez 1 "Whoa! Who-a-aa! Who-aa-aaa! Whoa!, consarn ye?whoa!" but in |v less time than I can tell you about it, stove wood, hen froot an yours Truly wuz doin a stunt in a puddle of water, an by Gosh sum ov the danged Aigs wuz rotten. My ole o'oman had , , k ^ DID Savin fcUIl Ul> SWU <X IUII6 uius ou she could git a fancy price fur 'em nigh onto Krismus. an my land! What a Splatterashun when tha\ busted! and danged ef the wurdi didn't fly sum two. an I hope the Lord will forgive me ef I smashed the third commandment in mv rath an indignation. As sune as I ganed my Equipoise, an soothed my Copperrosity, I would inardly that the 5TS; going on. Scores of alue, but we have som ire being sold at ABf 5, OVE ien and boys, are wl :ment that we can fi le chance to buy fine re going to have lots r overcoat bought n< tave other bargains i . K. No. 35 unmittigated ass hoo cauzed that turrible kedido, wood shorely tote a lickin or vice verser, but I'll jest be danged ef he warn't outa site an sound beiour I cood luk around. I heerd not long ago that sum Smart Ellick had tuk it on hizzelf to rite up the fust orrigin of Sleytown, 1 whitch wuz verry historickal, but thar iz wun thing I wood thank him to doo, an that is to pleeze "Lye low and sing eazy" about that Roosevelt Kuntry Life Kommisshun a penetratin into our peasfull and quiet an , orilgenial community. We ain't ben bothered much down this way with this thing you kail Sivillizashun, but it looks like we are lierbal to git more'n we desarve without that Roosevelt Country Life Commisshun meddlin whar it ain't got nary ioter nf Hi-mocfl Vpq airrpp' with awl honor and praise to T. R. the mity hunter, fur he shore is a Cracker Jack, he makes the creeters grate an the creeters small tuck their tails and skedaddle when he pulls the trigger, out in Afriky. He luvs the woods an feelds an farmers, he luvs to be outer doors instider stuck up in a offis like these little one hoss lawyers an dockters. He luvs to ride hossback instider histin hisself up inner danged ortomobile. He nose brane and braun can't develop properly without the pure ventilashun of country ear, an I admire him fur his abundant supply of Cents, but danged if I want enny ov his country Life conveniences instauld around here. We don't want the honks and konks an kedi does of so called Sivillizasbun hummin in our ears from morning till night. It's a gittin too nigh onta us now. It sho is a plum caution when a feller can't stick his head outa his own door but what thar's a danger pint before an behind, an I want to at least live in a place whar the air ain't full ov perrils an the roads ain't all blocked up with obsteckles. 1 We don't want no tickers an tela fones ringin in our heds continually, nor these live wires stretchin acrost our premises like ded fauls fur the 1 Innocent to git killed on. We don't 1 want nary air ship perambulatin 1 around over our heds. In fact we . don't want nun o' this danged Masheenery what has to be histed about ' with electrisity, gasolene an awl J sech dangerous elements. Ef God - Almity had seed fit fur us to hav 'em I he wood a' put 'ent here at fust. 1 i heerd my chillum reed a peece in I "The Visitor" severul weaks ago * which sot my blood to bilin. Lord i noze whether it war troo or not, but jREAT OUR ( VLES people have taken adva le mighty nice goods ye SOLUTE COST. RGOAT iat we are giving the t most anybody. D< : clothing at wholesa > of cold weather yet viar rnmp in # TT W11?V a?* WMkmwi n dry goods, shoes, 4 Brab t !ef it is, I'll be danged ef I know j what to luk fur next. I'll jist git j the paper an coppy the artickel, Verbatim Et Literatim, which will explane the future idee ov Progress an Sivillizashun. "Chug-chug! Br-r-r! Honk-honk! Gillig-illug! Gilligillug! The pedestrian paused at the intersection of two busy streets. He looked about. An automobile was rushing at him from one direction, a motorcycle from another, an autotruck was coming from behind and a taxicab was speedily approaching. Zip-zip! Zingglug! He looked up and saw directly above him a runaway air ship in * *? " ^ mi ?~ ~ rapid descent. inexe woo uuc chance. He was standing upon a manhole cover. Quickly seizing it, he lifted the lid and jumped into the hole just in time to be run over by a subway train.? (Our Young Folks.) Now, we don't want no sech bloodthursty Conveniences invadin. Sleytown, an I'll jest be danged ef thay shall kum on my premmises. They ain't nuthin but a cuss to human life. An the Owiers ov these rattlin ole buzz guzzlin masheens hav jest strangled thar Konshunses to deth an berried 'em. Thay don't regard the uther feller atall.. They seem to think he ortto feel onnered jest to turn his creeter outa the rode an look at him in admirashun, like it iz ennv onner to look at a gosh darn phule. Ef I kan't slow 'em down no uther way, I'm a'guine to run fur the legislater nex year, an I'll hav a law past makin it a pennertencherie krime fur ennyboddy to ride along the Publick Rode in enny o' them dad blasted New fangled vehickles. i.Mister Printer, ef my langwedge gets two strong jest saften hew down a leetle. You know when an ole Hay, seed frum Slevtown gits riled on enny pint he wood hav to hav his ; say?or mity nigh bust. An I am sick at hart over the \ artifishulness ov everything these daze. Nuthin seems like it uster wuz. It's a gittin moar an moar patheticker ever day. Every thing is artifishul even to the wimmen. i Fur be it frum me to know the inard s sekrets ov thar fixin up. but seeh wicked wurldlv vanity I have never ; seed in this mortal vale of1 tears. The I violent an suddint changes the wiral men can make in thar figgers, comi plexshuns an hair frum wun Sunday to anuther is shorely not acawdin to i the Laws ov Natur. I shore don't , want nun o' these artifishul wimmen 1 in Sleytown obtainin husbands un: der false pretenses. I'd ruther jest ?CL< ntage #f this opportumt t, and the values are i I 5 AINU ISC big bargains in, >n't let this opportun le prices, but that is, :, and you will get lo t us show you. Cosl fcc K.v* i ham' ?r\2r\Zr$?7\?r\CrKlr$l git "a rag, an a bone an a hank o hair," an know what I'm a gittin at fust, than to be phuled by awl the Artifishul allurements of feminine beauty. We don't want nun o' this nufangled Religion whar thav think so mutch about Style that God Almighty is left entirely out of the church. Them danged pipe organs an trained voices up in the quire remind me of wailing cats an mad bulls. Axually an kandidly it makes cold shivvers run down my spinal kolum to listen at 'em. We ere plum satisfied with the Old Time Religion. "It was good for Paul and Silas and it's good enough for me." This Classick musick an these i trained voices is sartinly jarrin on ! the air an narves. I'd ruther hear an owl scroochin at night, or a crowd of frogs crokin, or a drove of hungry pigs squeelin enny time. The musick of God in the Air is enuff fur me. Giv me the mockin bird trillin his early morning song which can never bey equalled by human voice. The solem sound ov the wind as it gently sways the tree tops, the babbling of the brooks, the twitter ov the birds an awl sech, is Orkestra enuff fur me, . ?? finn't Mro fur pjitiv traned voices, an Eleckrickal pianos, an grafofones, an pipe organs an Cornettes in our naborhood. But I must bid you adew, an come to a windin up. I hav rit an rit, an I could jest rite pages moar, but thinkin so oncommon mutch about how to spell rite, an compose correckly has upsot my narves. I will close by usin the words ov the poet hoo sed, "My pen is bad My ink is pail My hand is shakin Like a Nanny Goat's tail." Mabe next time I rite my hand will git moar steddier. Wishin you an awl yore Reeders a happy an prosperus New Year I am, Yore's trooly, OLD HAYSEED, Sleytown, S. C. ; _ How Pat Counted Them. Racial pride is a kind of patriotism that lasts as long as any sentiment. The story is told of a stranger in Milwaukee, who, seeing an Irishman (at work in the street, asked him what was the population of the town. "Oh. about forty thousand," was the reply. r UVty lllUUdcllXU . n uiuot vmutj have more than that," said the visitor "Well," said the Irishman, "it wud be about 275,000 if ye were to count the Dutch."?Youth's Companion. / t ' > v-? -' * 'i '*" vmmmmmmm y to get goods way 1 i simply irresistible, bei trou: ind we have such a | itypass. It is seldom just what we are d< ts of good wear out ts nothing to look. s Soi Bambett ? XO TRACE OF YEGGMEX. Xo Developments in Walhalla Postoffice Robbery. Walhaila, Jan. 16.?mere nave been no developments in the postoffice robbery case at this place. The robbery occurred some time between 1 and 4 o'clock a. m. Wednesday and it is supposed the robbers left on the 4.30 train. Two men were seen at the depQt by the crew of the train before starting and one of them left here boarding the train as it pulled out. The other man got in the accommodation coach at West Union, two miles East of Walhalla, and it is supposed that he rode to that point in a freight car, joining his partner then in the coach. One man paid the fare of both to Seneca and both got out at the junction. The presumption is that they took an early train on the Southern out of Seneca. The wrecking of the safe at the postoffice was complete, one of the doors having been blown clear across the room. The robbers secured about $150 in stamps and about six dollars in money. They also took a small strong box, which fortunately was empty. In a thread box in a pigeonhole of the safe was $187 in cash, but the robbers ovelooked this. Thrown under the freight depot, which is located just across the tracks from the passenger station were found a number of tools, which were identified as those stolen from a local blacksmith shop. A few of the tools from this place were also left in the postoffice building as was also a small bottle which had con tained nitro-glycerine. The report of the explosion was heard by several, but it was similar j to the report of a pistol and nothing, was thought of it. ' The nearest residence is not more than twenty-five feet distant and the occupants heard the report and thought nothing of it. They also heard someone moving about in the postoffice, but thought it was an employee getting mails ready for sending out on the early 'train. There is no possibility of describing the parties who left here ] that morning as no one paid any par- ! ticular attention to them, though a J member of the crew is reported to have caught the remark made by one of the men to the other that, "We just got through in time." Representative C. W. Garris has introduced a bill in the legislature appropriating $50,000 to the pub- ] lie schools of South Carolina. ' V ; NG lelow I cause | |1 SERS I ?7" I sood I a you I \m fx 0Q >mg. V ;^ A of a H We I | I L ? .. - . t Sinking Spells 1 r> i? n / '&' E-very rew uays "At the time I began talcing :>v Dr. Miles' Heart Remedy I was having sinking spells every few days. My hands and feet would get cold; I could scarcely breathe, and could feel myself .gradually sinking away until I y would be unconscious. Those about me could not tell there . :v v . was life in me, After these - < ' spells I wrould be very weak and nervous, sleepless and without - j appetite; had neuralgia in my head and heart. After taking . the remedy a short time all this disappeared and in a few weeks all the heart trouble was gone.''; MRS. LIZZIE PAINTER 803y2 3d Ave. Evansville, Ind. . * For twenty years we have been constantly receiving just such letters as these. There is scarcely a locality in the United States where there is not some nnc who ran testifv to the - ' merits of this remarkably sue1 cessful Heart Remedy. Or. Mile#' Heart Remedy Is sold by ail druggists. If the first bottle fails to benefit, your druggist will return your money. MILES MEDICAL CO., Elkhart, Ind. i .T f&t H PORTABLE AND STATIONARY Engines AND BOILERS Saw, Lath and Shingle Mills, Injectosr, Pumps and Fittings, Wood Saws, Splitters, Shafts, Pulleys, Belting, Gasoline Engines LAROESTOCK LOMBARD /. v Foundry, Machine, Boiler Works, Supply Store. AUGUSTA, GA. t W. E. FREE Attorney-at-Law All business entrusted to me will receive prompt attention. Investigation of land titles a specialty Office for present at court house.