Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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The Soy Aboard Ship. Mv Frs'-;< 'I' Hullt-n. who w;w once a ship hoy himself. makes in his book, '"The Mm u! ihe Mi-: chants' Service,' tin so .m.-umiu! statements concerning the Sea lite of \eun.it .iaeky: "Within the memory of middle aged men a boy on board a ship was tin butt, the vicarious sacrifice to all tin accumulated ill temper of the ship. To day tales arc told of the treatment ol boys In '(Soot-die' colliers that art enough to make the tlesh creep to hear In those days it was the privilege oi every man on board to ill treat the boy ami if. as very often happened, tin poor little wretch died under it?well what of it ?it was only a boy. "And the peculiar part of it all was that the brutes who did these evi, deeds prided themselves that their ae tions were right and proper. Then was only one way of training a boy? with a rope's end if it were handy; il not. a fist or a boot would do, but be must bo beaten. "One man whom I shall always re member, as smart a seaman as evei trod a ship's deck, boat me until then was not a square inch of my small body unbruised. Scarcely a watct passed that I did not receive some to ken of his interest in my welfare, anc on two occasions he kicked me witl: such violence that with all the will ir the world to obey his orders 1 was per fectly helpless. My only wonder Is that he did not kill me. * "Yet when 1 left the ship he bade me qnite an affectionate farewell, bidding me remember how hard he had labored for my benefit, that every blow he had given me was solely aimed at making me more useful and fitting me for mj duties." Swindle by Pawn Tickets. The most lucrative game which New * York swindlers work on the credulous and eager New Yorkers themselves continues to be the bogus or false pawn ticket swindle. It is not un known in Chicago, and it has so manj fine points about it, all of them appealing to the man who loves to make a few ^dollars on the side, that the rogues who work it are never out ol customers. The simplest method is foi . x.ll X. * TD6 Swindler to ten ins ui a-nucu ?ivr tim he has in pawn a ring or gem wort! $100. He claims to have pawned it foi only $25, and rather than lose the difference between the real value anc the amount for which he pawned it he will give the customer a rare bargain There is $25 due the pawnbroker, be sides $5 interest, leaving an equity ol $70. Ho will sell that equity for jus1 half, or $35. After the victim has paid over the $35 and has redeemed the pledge he finds that the real value oi the article is $50 to $60 and that he Is out $5 to $15. The pawnbroker gets all he loaned, and the original ownei makes all the victim overpaid.?Chicago Tribune. Reminiscence of a Thespian. At Brighton Beach I hit Mose Rosen stein, who was organizing a one night "Faust" company, for a job. "What part do you wish to take?" he inquired shortly. "I wish to take the place of Mephistopheles, of course," I answered, draw ing myself up proudly, for 1 had on ? new suit o? clothes and could afford t< look him in the face. "And why do you wish to take thai particular part?" he inquired. I was amazed at his dullness: but concealing my disgust as far as possible. I explained that it was because the devil always gets his dues. He seemed pleased at my repartee, wrote me out a $500 per week contract and paid me my first week's salary of $7.50 in advance. I played the devil in "Faust" until nearly the end of the season, after which I was cast in "The Foundry," a .workingman's play.?Indianapolis Sun Her Criticism. Mary is very stout, quite deaf and the trusted housemaid of a family in the East park sectjcn. Incidentally she seems to be something of an art critic. When she cleans the family rooms, she is heard to mutter and shake her head in dusting: the pictures, and she seems to be especially severe on a few representatives of the "altogether" that hang in the little den. One day Mary was flirting her dustcloth about in this little room when her mistress happened in. Mary was standing gazing intently at a beautiful photograph of Bouguereau's "Cupid and Psyche." "And phwat pictur' is that?" asked Marv in hard, cold tones. "Oh, that is 'Cupid and Psyche,'" said the lady rather indifferently. "Moody and Sankey, is ut? Well, I hav' lieered of them felleys. Sure, they ought to be ashamed of theirselves."? Philadelphia Record. How He Got Religion. ' Did you ever get religion?' asked the revivalist. "Weil, I should say so?138 pounds of it," replied the man. "A hundred and thirty-eight pounds of religion!" cried the revivalist "How did you get that?" ^The only way that a good many men ever get religion," was the reply; "I married it."?Chicago Post Baffled. "There's no use," said Mr. Cumrox. "I ain't going to try to superintend the education of my daughters any more." "Why not?" "They're getting along where I can't follow 'em. I hear 'em chattering sometimes, -and I can't tell whether they are reciting their Latin lessons or 'counting out for a game of hide and seek."?Washington Star. : Walking Fish. The "walking fish" of Santa Catalina channel. California," is a member of the pediculati tribe and has congeners among the gulf weed of the Mexican coast. Its pectoral fins are shaped so as to serve for legs, and it can rest on them so as to snap its prey. It builds a nest of seaweed. Poor.Mr. McElroy. Mrs. McElroy?Where is Mr. McElrov? Junior Partner?Gone out to get a new ribbon for the typewriter. Mrs. McEIroy (glaring at the blond girl at the- little side desk)?He has, has he? Well, Mr. McElroy will just buy some ribbons and other things for his wife and daughters. That person is all fluffed up with ribbons now.? Denver News. Vanishing of the Brifle. While there is no hard and fast definition a married woman may be thought to have ceased to be a bride "When, of the 1G hooks in the clothespress. she has scaled down the number de-voted to her husband's wardrobe fmi;i eight to two.?Detroit Journal. Having several pairs of shoes and changing tie-::; daily or regularly at longer interval-: will enable the wearer quite frequently to avoid corns even after they snow signs of formation. Lot a h -y fallow his natural business tendencies. So niauy plow horses art beiug worked in carriages.?Atchison Globe. Character Told by Lip*. j "Whether or not we believe in phre- I ^: nology, physiognomy and kindred sei- | , | enees. there are some peculiarities of j ' j feature that are quite often indicative) of certain traits of character." said an j ' observant man. "From no one feature j ,; of the face can the disposition be more j accurately read than from the lips and ! j j especially we upper m>. iui- n?i?vi uw . k j is less prophetic. "A person with a short, sharply j j' curved upper lip is nearly always of a j ! happy, lovable disposition. One with a 1 [ short but straight upper lip is apt to be of a low order of intellect and coarse in ; his tastes. The person with a Ion jr. J , straight upper lip is the one to beware j j of. He has a will like adamant, is not I always thoroughly trustworthy, is apt i ? to be quarrelsome and jealous and is j [ | more often than not an unmitigated i P politician. If he is gifted with a strong , i intellect, he will make his mark in one j ' J way or another; if he is not. he may . j become a harmless person, a parasite .1 or a scoundrel. The man whose upper ?; lip protrudes is apt to be a shrewd j ! business man. ( ! "The person whose mouth has a do. i cided droop at the corners may be a huI morist, a hypochondriac or a poet. The , ; possessor of a mouth curved in the t style of Cupid's bow Is indeed happy, _| for in nine cases out of ten he also j possesses a refined, aesthetic and yet i practical nature, susceptible to every , ; beautiful and ennobling influence."? ^ j Chicago Record, i j I ! Old Fashioned Cancer Cure. , ! Take the common sheep sorrel which \1 grows in your yard and which children j eat because of its sourness, mash it up j Into a pulp in some vessel that will j save all the juice that would otherwise ' , be lost, then put it into a bag and ' j squeeze out all the juice on to a pew1 j ter plate to get some of the acid from 1 j the metal, then put this out in the ' ! sun and let It dry until about as thick ' { as tar, then put in tight bottle. If the " | skin is not broken, put a drop of chlo1 j ride of potash or lye on it to break the - i skin and tfien appiy rne sorrei on me ' cancer, just covering it with a thin r coat If the sorrel gets too thick, a ' little water will make it so that it can 1 be handled. The pain will be severe, but it is otbi erwise harmless. It will stop hurting * in a few hours. Keep up these appli1 cations, one every day, until the cancer can be lifted out without pain. It took ' four\days in my case. The sorrel will ' cook the cancer, but it does not eat it t as it does the flesh, hence it eats all I the flesh away and lets the cancer J loose. When you see the cancer, put * the sorrel on it and not on the flesh. ' When the cancer is out heal the sore ' with any kind of healing ointment?J. A. Wayland in Appeal to Reason. Bnry Their Lepers Alive. The Chinese have a curiously cheerful way of disposing of their lepers. " The relatives of the afflicted person k propose to him that they bury him alive, and, such is the fatalism of the ' Chinese, that the victim readily consents. An extra elaborate meal is served to him in the way of a farewell banquet and then the funeral proces1 sion forms. The man who is about to * be immured under the sod follows his own coffin, and when he reaches the grave he takes a dose of laudanum, hops into the box and settles down for ' eternity. Dr. Wittenberg, writing on the subI ject of leprosy in China, states that the pure nerve form is the least common. In Riirh pases, as is well known, the pa- | tients may go on for years. As to the j mixed form. It is fairly common, but it is a difficult matter to estimate the number of lepers in any given district 1 The sufTerers lead the common life so ' long as they remain free from destructive lesions. When these occur to any I marked degree, the leper is either segregated in a hut or he is allowed to , wander about the country, sustaining life by begging. Dr. Wittenberg re[ cords cases of direct contagion from I mother-in-law to daughter-in-law. i Kins: Humbert'* Pine Trees. . - King Humbert took great pride In his ' pine grove and one day, arriving unex, pectedly, found a forester preparing to cut down a tree. "What are you about?" asked the king. "This pine Is growing too tall, your majesty." "Would you like It if I ordered your feet to be cut off because you are taller than your fellows?" The hint was enough and the tree left unmolested.?London Telegraph. A Russell Anecdote. Lord Russell once presided at a dinner given for Sir Henry Irving on his return from America. While the dinner was In progress Lord Russell suggested to Comyns Carr that be propose Sir Henry's health. "I can't make speeches, you know," he said. Sir Henry gently replied, "I heard you make a fine speech before the Parnell commission." To which the pungent Irishman answered, "Oh, yes, but then 1 had something to talk about!" Fixed It. i Mamma?Now, Freddy, mind what I say. I don't want you to go over into the next garden to play with that Binks boy. He's very rude. Freddy (heard a few minutes afterward calling over the wall)?I say, - Binks, ma says I'm not to go in your garden because you're rude, but you come into my garden?I ain't rude. In China criminals and political pris , oners are beheaded. Some of the exei cutioners are so expert that the}' can i arrange and behead a man in IS seci onds. No military parade or drill except in case of war, riot, invasion or insurrection is lawful on election day in New York. A Clincher. Old Lover?I know I am old enough to be your grandfather, but, my darling. 1 have an immense fortune to be[ stow upon you. Young Ilenrt?I hesitate to answer. ; Old Lover?Do not keep me in sus. pense. 1 have heart disease, and under , excitement I am likely to die at any . moment Young Heart?Then I will be yours. It Worked Well. : "And have you tried the plan of i greeting your husband with kind words ? when he comes home late, as I sug, gested?" nsked the elderly friend. "I have," said the youngish woman, "and it works like a charm. lie stays . home all the time now trying to figure out what is the matter."?Indianapolis j I Press. I ? | ; Earls: Use of Pigeons. Pigeons were employed in early ! i Egyptian days, nayigators taking them ; on their galleys and liberating them when they arrived at their destination ; in order to aunounce their safe arrival to their friends or employers. The Romans utilized them in communicating with each other in wartime. The Telegram Came. Ringo?lias a telegram come for me? Mrs. Bingo?Have you been expecting one? Bingo?Oh. no: or' course not. (Sarcastically) You don't suppose I would ask you that question If 1 expected one, do you ? Mrs. Bingo (sweetly)?You might, dear. What would you say uow if I should say that u telegram has come for you? Bingo?Aha 1 1 knew it. I've been expecting that telegram all the afternoon. (Impatiently) Where is it? Mrs. Bingo?I'll get it. But. dear, I thought it best to open it. You didn't mind, did you. dearest? Bingo?Certainly not. It's only a matter of business. From Jack Euslow, icn't It "> Mrs. Bingo? Yes. dear. Bingo?Important meeting tonight Says I must be there, doesn't he? Mrs. Bingo?Yes, dear. Bingo^rubbing his hands)?I knew It Well. I'll have to rush off after dinner. Sorry for you. my dear, but, you know, business must be attended to. Mrs. Bingo?Oh, that's all right, darling. But don't you want to see the message? Bingo?Why should I? You opened it like a good wife that you are, and of course I can trust you. Jack wants me (delightedly), that's all, and I must go. Mrs. Bingo?But there was one thing more he said, my pet. Bingo (suspiciously)?Oh, there was. Well, what was it? Mrs. Bingo (all smiles)?He says he's got front row seats.?rearson's. The World's Largest Hopynrds. It is not generally known, but the largest hopyards In the world are in California, along the Sacramento, Russian and Feather rivers, and the very biggest hopfield on earth Is at Fleasanton, in Alameda county, where there are 3GS acres, with more than 445,000 vines under one wire. As the picking must all be done by hand and within the short season when the blossoms are at their best, an army of people has to be suddenly mustered for the harvest. The mild climatic conditions that favor the development of the hop and the pleasant inland valleys where it is grown combine to make hop picking something of a summer time delight, for the work Is neither difficult nor arduous, and the pay is fair. There are but two drawbacks to hop picking. One is so called hop poisoning, which is simply a sort of prickly heat or rash sometimes produced by contact of face and arms with the nettlelike fuzz on the stalks of the hop vine. It does not affect all pickers. The other is the dark staining of the hands resulting from the resin of the blossom. It may be re moved by rubbing with the crushed green leaves of the hop.?San Francisco Chronicle. The Hnlbard. Halbard is the arms carry'd by the Serjeants of foot and dragoons; the head of thq halbard ought to be a foot or 15 inches long; one end ought to be hollow to receive the staff, but the other broad, ribb'd in the middle, edg'd on both sides and drawing to a point, like the point of a two edged sword. On one side of the head is likewise fixed a piece in form of a half moon or star, and on the other a broad point of four inches long, crooked a little, which is very commodious for drawing fascines, gabions or whatever obstacle happen in the way. The staff of the halbard is about five feet long and an inch and half diameter, made of ash or other hard wood. Hal bards are very useful in determining the ground betwixt the ranks, and for dressing the ranks and files of a battalion, and likewise for chastising the soldiers.?Gentleman's Directory, 1705. Ought to Know. Lady?Where is the agent for these flats? Man at Door?1 can rent the flats, mum. "Are the rents reasonable?" "Yes, mum." "What sort of a janitor have you?" "A very good one, mum." "Is he polite and attentive?" "Yes, mum." "Honest?" "Yes, mum." "Doesn't he ever steal from the market baskets of the tenants?" "Never, mum." "He's a good Christian man, is he?" "Yes, in urn. A politer, more atK/\nAotA?* AW ?nr\rA PhrloHflfl ICllmC) UUUtOai VI UJUIl VUtlsvau^ man never lived, mum." "I'm delighted to hear that Where Is he now?" "I'm him, mum."?Weekly Bouquet Nocturnal Trngedy. It is a dark night It is also a dark kitchen. The kind hearted man in his stocking feet is after a drink of water for his fretful youngster. He thinks he can find his way in the inky darkness. He is mistaken. He turns to the left instead of to the right and falls down cellar. Another good man gone, wrong.? Cleveland Plain Dealer. In Need of Reform. "Your effusion," said the busy editor, "is not available." "Is there any other place where I could send it?" queried the disappointed bard. "Oh. yes." "Where, sir?" "The house of correction."?Chicago News. A Bad Break. "I say, Reggy, it was nasty mean of you not to speak to me when y^u met me down town this afternoon." "Why. deuce take it. man. it was your own fault. Us fellahs are wearing lavender ties this week, and you had on a pink one."?Judge. Tbe History of a Book. < Following is the story of the first edition of Fitzgerald's celebrated transla tion of "Omar Khayyam." me dook was Issued anonymously and found no buyers. Accordingly the author went to Bernard Quaritch's shop, dropped a heavy parcel of 200 copies of the "Rubaiyat" and said, "Quarltch, I make you a present of these books." The famous bookseller offered them first at half a crown, then at a shilling and. again descending, at sixpence, but no buyers came. In despair, he reduced the book to a penny aud put copies Into a box outside his door, with a ticket. "All these at one penny each." At that price the pamphlet moved, in a few weeks the lot was sold, and In this way one of the finest gems of English literature was dispersed among a not overdiscerning public. The legend has it that Dante Gabriel Rossetti. Swinburne and Burton were among those who discovered the "hidden treasure in the penny box." Years passed, and the once despised volume rose in the market, and in 189S Quarltch bought in for ?21 a copy which 40 years before he had sold for a penny. ? The Iriah HedRe School. The educational structure for which, taking advantage of the toleration of government, the hedge schoolmaster abandoned his nl fresco establishment, was a very humble one of its kind. The peasantry, animated by the strong Irish love of learning, built it for him, just as in modern days they assemble aud build huts for evicted tenants. It was not a very formidable undertaking. A deep, dry ditch or trench by the roadside was usually selected for the site. At the side of the trench an excavation of the requisite area was dug. so that the clay bank formed three sides of the inclosuro. This saved the trouble of building walls. Then the fourth side, or front side wall, with a door and two windows, was built of green sods laid in courses, while similar sods raised the back to the required height and pointed the gable ends. Yoim?r trees and wattles cut from the nearest wocd and hound tosetlu-r with straw ropes and withes formed the roof timbers. Over these were spread brambles, then came a layer of "scraws," or slabs of healthy bog surface, and over all a thatching of rushes. The earthen floor was pared to an approach to a level, the rubbish cleared away, and a pathway made to ftie public road. There was your hedge schoolhouse, ready for business.?Dou&l.oc's Magazine. It Killed the Bear. A man who had experience in Alaska was listening to a group of citizens discussing the weather and broke In on the talk thus: "Pshaw, you fellows don't know what changeable weather is. You think it's always cold in Alaska, do you? Well, just let me tell you a little personal ex. perience of mine. One day I went hunting with a party of miners. The weather was quite warm. when we started, and I perspired freely. Sundenly It turned bitterly cold, and large icicles formed on my whiskers (I had grown a full beard). Crossing a small canyon, I came face to face with a big, ugly looking bear. I had nothing but powder in my gun, and the man with the cartridges was away behind me, sc as a desperate resort I rammed the icicles from my beard into the gun and blazed away." "And what happened?" said one of the crowd eagerly. "Why, I struck him squarely in the head and killed him." "Killed him? Impossible!" chorused the crowd. "But it did, I tell you. The temperature suddenly turned warm again, melting the icicles, and the bear died from water on the brain." ? Detroit Free Press. Dangerous Factories. Not far from the heart of New Yort city is a factory for the manufacture ol deadly poisons in quantities large enough to annihilate the entire popula tion of New York. The factory is sc guarded that even its next door neigh bors need have no fear of it, but the possibilities stored there excite the imagination. No one may enter it without a special permit. The employees are all skilled men, well aware of the danger of the slightest carelessness I They manufacture, among other things pure anhydrous acid, which Is so dan gerous that in its pure state it is not placed in the market There is instant death in its fumes if they are permittee to escape. Nitric acid is stored in an other part of the factory in big glass carboys. The men who work in this factory realize that a broken carboy oi nitric acid would mean a disaster, and they treat it with the respect which it deserves. This factory and others like it are guarded more carefully than a safety deposit vault.?New York Sun. When Bathlnc Was Rare. In some old court memoirs of tlu i eighteenth century which have recent ly been called again to attention it is stated that when George IV was .1 baby he was bathed only once a fort night That was thought to be plenty often enough in those days for a chile to be washed. When one of George's little sisters had measles, the royal mother gave most careful instructions that the child's linen was not to In changed too soon, as she feared thai some careless attendant would clotlu it in garments insufficiently aired anc so "drive in the rasli." In those days people were much afraid of clean liner and bathing. It was believed the com plete bodily ablutions were weakening yet prince, peer and peasant alike call ed in at every ailment the doctors ol the period, who bled them into a state of woakness and sometimes death. And Still She Wept. Toto was crying. "What's the mat ter?" asked one of her father's friends "I'ze lost my 2 cents!" she wailed. "Well, never mind. Here are 2 cents,' said the friend. Soon Toto was crying harder thar ever. "What's the matter now?" she was asked. "I'm crying because if I hadn't losl my 2 cents I'd had 4 now!" was hei j repiy.?ueirou r i a- i u-?. HI* nnmp. "This," said the eminent phrenolo gist "is the bump of intelligence, and"? "Hoah, boss, quit pinchin dnt bump so spordiflcally," protested lTnc' Ebe "My haid ain't felt good sence de oli woman rapped me dar wid a rollin pin, an yo' bet I'ze got more 'telligence in dat bump dan ter get in 'er way ergin.' ?Denver Times. The Japanese language is said to con tain 00,000 words. It is quite impossi, ble for one man to learn the entire lan guage, and a well educated Japanese is familiar with only 10,000 words. Ceremony was invented by a wise man to keep fools at a distance.?Chi cago News. Bedlam. The word "bedlam" is a corruption of the word "Bethlehem" and originated as a synonym for chaos at the time when the house of Bethlehem, occu pled by a sisterhood of London, became an Insane asylum. The treatment of the Insane in the early part of the sixteenth century was not well understood, and, according to the theories then prevalent, it was necessary to frighten the patient out of his lunacy. All sorts of awful expedients were resorted to, among them "surprise floors." which slipped from under the feet; "surprise baths" and floggings at the periods of most severe illness; hence the name "bedlam," the result of incorrect spelling, possibly, came easily to stand for awful things. Onr I.ittle Stick*. Ages ago the Hindoo "medicine man" knew all about disease germs and microbes. although he was jeered at by western scientists because lie called them "little worms." And after all when we moderns "discovered" what he had kuown all along we could And no better name for the new organisms than bacilli, which, being interpreted, is "little sticks.' * Sherlock Holmes, Jr. "Do you see that man with the dark mustache?" said Sherlock Holmes, Jr. "Yes, Do von know him?" "I never saw him before. lie is mnr; ried. lie ought to live in a Hat, but i doesn't. Ilis wife is afraid of the hired girl, and he is left handed." "Mr. Holmes, you are an everlasting marvel. How can you tell that about a man you don't know and whom you never saw before?" "Look at the second knuckle on his left hand. You see, it is badly skinned. Also there Is a black mark on his left cuff. Now let us see what we must 1 make of this. When a left handed man pokes up the furnace lire, how does he do it? I?y putting his left hand forward. of course. Tims it happened that it was his left hand which scraped against the furnace door. The blackened cuff shows that it was a furnace door. Having this foundation to work upon, the rest Is easy. If he lived in a flat, he would have no furnace to look after, and if his wife were not afraid of the hired girl they would make the latter do the poking up. It is all very simple if one's perceptive faculties are properly trained. lie can't really afford to live in a house, because if he could he would have a man to look after the furnace. Therefore he ought to live in a flat." "But hold on. How do you know the man Is married? He can't be over 30 at the most. Why may it not be possible that he lives at home with his widowed mother?" "My dear sir,".said Sherlock Holmes, Jr., "I am surprised at your lack of perspicacity. If he lived af home with his widowed mother, he would permit her to tend to the furnace herself."? Chicago Timcs-nerald. A Round Robin Remedy. When a doctor of 30 years' practice encounters a new experience, It must bo worth relating. This is from a physician on Lafayette avenue who has fought disease for the period named. "I saw him get gingerly out of a wagon in front of the ofliee. He then loft the team with his daughter. Ignored i the bell and pounded lustily on the t door. I answered in person because I I thought he and my office girl might get into an argument, for ho looked just like a man who would insist upon seeing the 'doc' at once, i "' 'Doc,' he began without other preliminary, 'I've been n-takin truck fur I six months, and blamed if I hain't worse'n I was at the beginnln.' " 'What's the matter with you?* " 'Stomach's all out o' whack. Regui lar riot down there all the time and ; me a-dosin in the remerdy after each ? ?j -i ?i~ i.?^.i? muai UUU Ul UUnjr UI-UIIUIC. " 'What are you taking? " 'Here it is, doc, and I got a lot left ; yet. My first wife uster buy it in the ' bulk 'cause it came cheaper.' : " 'But this Is for the lungs.' "'S'pose I don't know that? Course 1 It's fur the lungs. That's what was ' the matter with her. I don't care if it ' was fur the liver. Ifs got ter go to the ' stomach first, hain't it? And the stom' ach and the lungs hain't so durned far ' apart but what helps one helps the ! other and what gits to one gits to the other.' "?Detroit Free Press. An Expelled 31. P.'s Prayer. t During the first half of the elght' eenth century one of the members for a ' southern constituency was expelled ' from the house of commons for forgery ' and Indeed endured the purgatory of | standing in the pillory for a day. He ' was a man of unctuous piety; and his 1 career in many respects resembled that 1 of Jabez Balfour in later days. After ? his death the following prayer was 1 found in his own handwriting among his papers: "0 Lord, thou knowest that 1 have nine houses in the city of London and ; that I have lately purchased an estate in fee simple In the county of Essex. 1 ; beseech thee to preserve the two eouni ties of Middlesex and Essex from fire and earthquake, and as 1 have a mort gage In Herefordshire I beg of thee to I have an eye of compassion also on that i county, and for the rest of the counties t thou mayest deal with them as thou art ! pleased. Give a prosperous voyage to ; the Mermaid, because I have not inV nMMA/1 Lai* nn/1 nnollln tho honk tn meet L MlIl'U UU| uuu cnuuiv iuv MM.... their bills."?St James Gazette. I ! Steam and Battleship. i A whole fleet in the days of Nelson . could be built and fitted out at little , more than the cost of a single Ironclad. . The coal expended on a single cruise ! would pay for the refitting of his whole ! battle line, while the immense shells required to make any impression on the modern armor plate cost more than his whole armament- But the modern line . of battle ship could neither be built, armed nor fought without the use of steam, and its evolution may be said to > have commenced with the first application of the steam engine to navigation. , ?London Standard. Warned. Once when Mrs. Kendal#was taking ! the role of Galatea in Dublin she had an amusing experience. Pygmalion, it will be remembered, had a jealous wife. During the temporary absence of that lady Galatea was about to throw herself into the arms of Pygma' lion when an old dame In the audience cried warningiy: "Don't do it. darlint! ' His wife's just gone out. and sbure It'll be like her to be listenin at the key1 bole." i The Other Way. ' He?Bertha, 1 am going to ask you a question, a question which will have a lasting effect upon my life as you answer it Bertha, dear, will you be a - sister to me? She?Charley, 1 can't do that, hut 1 ; will be your wife.?Boston Transcript Jiurc Apprupnuiui Barber (absently)-Shampoo, sir? Customer (with shining bald pate)No; shlue.?Tuck. Snrc Enonfjh Talc. In one of the private schools here in town there Is a small boy who Is ali ways cheerfully miles behind everybody else. lie Is not a dull boy, but t learning does not appeal to him as be' lug a thing especially to be desired. Recently the teacher told the class in composition that ou the next day she would expect each of them to be able i to write a short anecdote. She explained with great care the meaning of the word anecdote, and next day when she called the class up to write all but the laggard went at once to work. "Why don't you write an anecdote, Rob?" asked the teacher. "I forget what an anecdote Is," said Rob, undisturbed. "I explained to you yesterday, Rob, and you ought to remember," said the ir teacher, a bit out of patience. "An anecdote is a tale. Now write." Rob bent over his slate nnd, with much twisting of brow and writhing of lip ground out his task. When the slates were collected, his was a* the very top of the heap. The teacher picked it up. and this is what she read: "Yesterday we had soup made from the anecdote of an ox."?Youth's Companion. Stories of John Sherman. To bis aid In bis political life John Sherman brought a nature instinctively y methodical and an unflinching probity, r He saw to it that the public moneys i were not squandered or used for dis- 3 honest purposes. A claim for $1,000.- * 000 was once brought to hlra for his I signature. It had been regularly al- r lowed, but it was illegal, and he re- I fused to sign. 1 "It has been allowed," Insisted the J claimant's attorney, "and you must t sign it." i "I will not," repeated Mr. Sherman, and lie did not. lie would have resign- i cd, he afterward confided to a friend. 3 had it been required of him sooner that i even seem to sanction a fraud. Neither . would he permit irregularities. The 1 chief of a bureau one day came to hiin < for an order to pay for some machin- i ery. "Has it been advertisedV" asked the i secretary. 1 "No," said the chief, "but there are < only two places where it can 1k> made, < and we are accustomed to get their I bids and contract with the lowest." i "But," said the secretary, "the law < says it must be advertised." 1 "At least this may pass, for It Is ' made, and we need it." 1 "1 cannot help that. The law says it ; must be advertised, and advertised it must be." And advertised it was at a i very large saving to the government.? 1 Saturday Evening Tost. ] 1 A Lesson In Seamanship. I Captain Hans Mlron, who lost his life at his post of duty on the burning 1 Saale at Iloboken, was fond of telling i of his early introduction to the stern realities of his chosen career. He had but just come on board the schooner where as cabin boy he was to serve his j apprenticeship to the sea and was still j staring about him with boyish Interest and Inquisitlveness when the skipper < approached and ordered him to assist ! in wash lug down the deck. ! He put down his bundle and started ; awkwardly to do so, when a second ' order, accompanied by emphatic expletives, was given him to take off his , shoes and stockings. He was perfectly willing to oblige, but at home he had not been permitted to wet his feet. "No," he answered Innocently, with an engaging smile, "I should not mind, but ray mother does not allow 1L" The skipper was a rough old sea dog who did not appreciate obedience unless it was rendered to himself, and his reply was a stunning blow that flung the boy across the deck. "But after that" Captain Mlron would say, with a great laugh and not a shadow of resentment, "I knew who was captain of that schooner, and it was not my mother." ami ft JAITA* * "u? -w-v.. At the time of Colonel Cody's advent into the capital of Germany the old Emperor William was entertaining there three kings of smaller Germanic powers. The royal gentlemen were very much Interested In the Buffalo Bill exhibitions, and Colonel Cody was the recipient of many favors from the emperor himself. One feature of the performance was the exhibition of the antiquated Deadwood coach containing passengers who are attacked by Indians and finally rescued by cowboys. The kaiser asked to be allowed to ride in this vehicle with his royal guests and to participate in this Interesting experience. The request was of course granted, and when the coach was furiously assailed by howling Indians its inmates were as usual saved by gallant cowboys. After it was over and as the royal party were descending from the coach the emperor remarked: "Colonel Cody. I do not suppose this is the first time that you have ever held J four kings." "No, your majesty," returned the quick witted scout, "but this Is the first time I ever held four kings and a royal joker at the same time!"?San Francisco Evening Tost. Frenh Water Spring* In Mldocean. Several fresh water fountains are known to exist in the gulf of Mexico, where vessels have frequently filled their casks with Ice cold sweet water that comes up like a geyser In the midst of the salt water. The fresh water springs, as the sailors call them, have been known In the gnlf for 200 or 300 years. They were discovered by early voyagers and were the salvation of many a mariner whose supply of fresh water ran short while he was becalmed in the doldrums. Some of the fresh water springs are marked unnn tho ohnrts. but there is so little need of them nowadays by the steamers on the gulf and the sailing fleet Is so small that no attention is paid to them, and they have passed out of the knowledge of the younger skipper.? Chicago Record. Considerate. Young Writer (to editor of newly established journal)?If you find this little story available for your columns. I don't ask any pay for it beyond a life subscription to your paper. Editor?But, great goodness, young man. you may live for 50 years! Young Writer?Oh. I don't mean during my life; during the life of your paper, you know!?London Tit-Bits. The Anniversary. "Harry, yesterday was our wedding anniversary, and you never said a word about It." "Well, my dear, 1 felt It In my bonea that It was some sort of a big day, but1 * I couldn't remember what It was."? Indianapolis Journal. When a fellow has money to burn, the mother of marriageable daughters is ready to supply him with a match.? Philadelphia Record. Every boy In Germany from the crown prince to the meanest subject Is obliged to learn some useful trade. The Remedy. The Grand Duke of Mecklenburg was one day gambling at the Dobenui tables and was betting on the same numbers as a rich master potter who stood next to him. Both having lost their money, the grand duke Inquired, "Well, potter, what shail we do now?" "Oh," replied the master potter, "your highness will screw up the taxes, and I shall uiake pots." Ko Time to Be Lout. He (timidly)?Now that we are engaged 1?I presume I may?may-kiss you as much as 1 please, mayn't IV She (encouragingly)?Yes. Indeed. Make the most of your time, dear. There's no telling how long an engagement will last nowadays, you know.? Stray Stories. Simply Cutting. Oussie?Just aftah 1 stahted out It began waiulng, aud I had to turn back. Miss Kostique?How fortunate that there was some one there to tell you. Gussie?To tell me what? Miss Kostique?That it waa raining. ?Philadelphia Record. ' >" ' ^ J Comparative Loageritr. It has often been remarked that vhile nothing is so uncertain as the du- i ation of any given human life nothing I s more certain than the aggregate of 1 ears which may be assigned to a t rroup of 10) persons or more at any < mrticular age. The expectation of life 1 it a given age, to use the actuarial i ffirnse, differs considerably, as might c h> expected, in different countries, and i Englishmen may be surprised to learn 1 hat they are not the longest living 1 imonc the white races. ( At the age of 20 an Englishman in t iverage health may expect to live 42 < ears, and any life office will grant him i l policy based on that probability. The s American's expectation is for a slightly onger period. On the other hand, a < jerraan lad of 20 can count upon little ' nore than 31) years and a half. < It would seem, therefore, that the 3 estlessuess attributed to the American i :emperament does not necessarily con- i luce to the shortening of life nor the I composure of the German to its pro- i oneration. Possibly the better feeding md clothing of Americans in the lower 1 classes of the population are the prlncl- i pal causes of their greater longevity. 1 Their position Is, at any rate, main- I tained In later as well as In earlier rears. I The American who has reached GO may look to complete 14 years more, 1 while the Britisher's expectation is only about 13 years and 10 months and the German's as nearly as possible 12 months less. Both at 20 oini at GO the Frenchman's prospect is a little better than the German's and a little worse than the Englishman's.?London Globe. Economical Training of Gnaaera. The method nsed In the United States navy for the economical training of the gunners is very Interesting. It is a well known fact that the cost of firing one of the large guns used in the navy Is very great, amounting sometimes to ?1,000 or more. To save this expense a very simple method Is employed. In the case of the large guns an ordinary Remington rifle is secured in the breech of the gun and directly In the center of the bore, so that when It Is flred Its bullet takes the same direction as that of the regular projectile. The large gun Is sighted In the usnal manner. On account of the lesser velocity of the small bullet the target is placed close to the ship and is made correspondingly small. The method used for the G pounder or other small guns is slightly different as Instead of the small rifle a wooden or dummy cartridge the some size as the regular cartridge Is employed. Through the center of this wooden cartridge runs a rifle barrel which Is loaded with a .44 caliber cartridge. Tbls latter method has the additional advantage of giving the gun crew practice in loading as well as firing.?Washington Star. What's la a Mavis V "Experienced patent medicine men," says a gossiper in the New Osteons Times-Democrat "admit*the impossibility of predicting when the turning point will be reached in booming any new remedy. The amount sunk in exploiting two articles before returns come Id may vary $100,000. In my opinion, the name baa a good deal to do with getting a demand started. If It Is bard to remember or bard to pronounce, It is undoubtedly n serious handicap, and, on the contrary, a catchy, simple title, just odd enough to stick in one's memory, is in itself an advertisement worth thousands of dollars. I have a house in mind that spent a good sized fortune trying to popularize a tablet preparation with a queer Indian title that no two people pronounced in exactly the same way. It was a good thing and cleverly put before the public, and it failed solely, I think, because people were reluctant to ask for it for fear of making themselves ridiculous by butchering the pronunciation. That's a point about which the average customer is very sensitive." A Legal Quibble. "There is a story," the doctor said, "of a man who was sued for debt not long ago. The case went against him, and the court gave judgment for $300. His lawyer told him he would have to pay it as he was an unmarried man. He bustled out and in a few hours ? came back with a wife and a plea In due form that he needed his salary for the support of his family. He got off free." "1 don't believe that -was constitutional." said the professor after a moment's reflection. "Why not?" "Because it was annex post facto."? Chicago Tribune. What She Wanted to Know. "My dear child, you really should not eat your pudding so quickly." "Why not, momma 7" "Because it is dangerous. A once knew a little boy about your age who was eating pudding so quickly that be died before he had finished it" "And what did tbey do with the rest of his pudding, mamma?"?Exchange. Alarming Symptoms. "Mnndy." said the old gentleman, "I am afraid that boy of ours is goin to be a poet" "He ain't writ nothln, has he?" asked the old lady In alarm. "No, he ain't writ nothln yet but 1 notice he is doin less an less work every day an doin It carelesser."?Indianapolis Tress. The Fickle Thermometer. "Here, young man," said the old lady, with fire in her eye, "I've brung "back this thermometer you sold me." * "What's the matter with It?" asked the clerk. "It ain't reliable. One time you look at It it says one thing, uii'2 the next time it says another."?Catholic Standard and Times. Selecting Glassware. To select glass with discretion it Is necessary to understand somewhat of its manufacture and to recall the properties of the chemicals of which It is composed. These materials are chiefly soda, potash, lime, alumina and oxide of lead. The quality of the glass to be manufactured depends upon the amount of the basic material united with the silica or sand. The best glass is made with lead, which gives to it luster, fusibility and high refractory powers. It Is often called flint glass to distinguish it from lime glass, which is i much cheaper and of a decidedly greenish tint Flint glass is that which is most generally used for cutting and polishing. It may be picked out by the clear, belllike tone which it sends forth when struck. This test may be made without any danger of breaking the glass if It be held firmly in one hand while the upper part or edge is sharpl^struck with a pencil or other Instrument, the only care requisite being to see that the glass does not touch any object when , it Is struck, since If there be room for It to vibrate glass will never break.? , Harper's Bazar. , / -\ U. ' - - ' 'v Bird Iatelligtaee. H During a high w ind one summer day H L young oriole, was thrown from its B lest to the ground. It was picked up B )y kind hands and kept in the house * ill the storm was over and then placed B >n the roof of the piazza. A watch* ,vas kept behind the closed blinds of a B vindow near by to note proceedings B >n the part of the parent birds. They B n the meantime had seen the little one fl x>rne away and had followed It to the B louse, and, as it was kept near the : B >pen window, its cries had apprised B :lieui of its whereabouts. They soon flj :ame to it on the roof and hovered B about it, doing much talking and con- B suiting together. B Finally they alighted near the little ^B jne, and the female slipped her wing B under it and seemed to urge some fl ;ourse of acting upon the male, who :^B Bdgeted about coming to the little one, _ spreading his wings over it, then tly- fl Ing to n tree, when the female followed ^ B him and brought him back and again . '< fl aiinrMHl a wins under the little one. . ri ? II w Finally lie seemed to understand or 9 to get his nerve under control, and, 9 slipping his own wing under, together 9 they made a sort of cradle for the bird- :^9 ling, and, each flapping its free wing, I they flew to the tree, bearing It to a -9^9 place of safety among the branches, - J$9 where it was lost sight of.?Boston fl Christian Register. 9 Treatment For Vprslib, \ ;Jjj The prevalence of sprains and strains I owing to the indulgence in athletic I exercises of all kinds moves an an- ."^>^9 thorlty on the treatment of these pain- ' 9 ful accidents to say: 9 A little common sense treatment If ' i9 often all that Is needed when the strain;; 9 is at ankle or wrist and without coin- * ^9 plications. It will swell very alarming- |j ^9 ly at first and gradnally develop a , 9 frightful looking bruise, but from ths - 9 first it should have complete rest a treatment of hot and cold douches, ; I the hot being used at first when the J| 9 swelling is painful, and the cold later ;> "9 on, as a sort of tonic to the relaxed ^ 9 muscles. The hot must be very bot i W. and the cold very cold, as the tepid 9 water does harm rather than good. ;|9 For the first day of a strain, when .'i||9 all the wrenched cartilages and mus- ^ 9 cles are aching, great relief is found In 9 a poultice of egg and salt To make it ' I beat the white of au egg till light, faut '^j JB not stiff. Stir In gradually a cup. .'jB a half of salt or more 11^ needed, tj|j| 'JB ma ice a tntcx, pasicuse icing. mwBigyfj this on a cloth and bandage In ptoee,:^ '-JH Cover all with oil silk or a thick batik-|g ;|S towel to protect the sheets, since thi^ 7||fl egg leaks out continually. After this * has relieved tte soreness begin *wnfl ?_|1H hot water fomentations and wear d..,: fl light, firm bandage, exceptatnlgbt^Tf Tfjgfl A Fine Dtstlaetlea. % 'Wk A yonng down town drug derk had heard .the story of the colored w^ 7&H man who bad asked for fiesh colored^ jfl court plaster and was given black by 7 --JH the observant dealer stored, the tad*? "U dent away In his mental dust box Wjj|r*i .Jjfl decided to use it at the first opporhbV Wm nity. lie had not long to wait tw tk :IB few nights ago a comely colored gfrf^^flfl stepped into the store where Ike Waif.^ employed. "Ah wants some con't plan- fl ter," she said. |9 "What color?" inquired the deil^ |9 with affected nonchalance.* fl "Flesh culiab. sab." Jfl Trembling in his shoes and* keeping 1 ,|jfl within easy reach of a heavy pestle. 't'-ijfl the clerk banded the woman a box ofM * j| black court plaster, and he was aocfS -njfl prised at the time that the situation af? : fl forded so little hnmor. The woman gfl opened the box with a deliberation that?* <|IB was ominous, but she was anrnfBed - fl when she noted the color of the.?H^]-^^B tents. . ^ "Ah guess yo' mus' a-ralsanderstood ^ * mah ordab. Ah asked fob flesh.-Ilfl and yo' done give me skin cuUah.";|jfl| -'J19 The drug clerk is still a little daxed^l from the cneonnter, and he has firtttw 'jflj resolved to subject every' joke to rtj?j|fl ^fl laboratory test liereafter before ustegt?! vjfH ?Pittsburg News. V :7? _ ry.V^B His Dlai Idea. ' A teacher was giving her class '''>9 erclse in spelling and defining wordA .f '^fl "Thomas." she said to it early Ujllli?Q /Jfl little boy, "spell 'Ibex.'" ' "Correct Define It" "An ibex," answered Thomas after ft IB prolonged mental struggle, "to wbetn^ Jfl yon look In the back part of the book \ ;;|jB when yon want to find anything that's^ - - - . . .1- - U':' printed in tne From pan ot iue wum. * '" - (JaforglTea. '9 At a recent banquet In Sydney ''|B scendant of the Macdonalds massacred ^ |9 at Glencoe passed a knife "with the "" |9 blade foremost" to a member of a fa- J ' '9 mons old family bearing the historic 9 name of the Macdonalds* betrayers. ; J Most of those who looked on stigma- -|9 tlzed the action as one of contemptibly ' 9 bad breeding. But one or two under- yjm stood the significance and knew that | 9 the betrayal is still unforgiven. T Mnalnss by the Seashore. 2 "What a mistake It la." observed the 9 doctor as they walked along the shore, J to speak of this as the watery twa*terjj? There Isn't a drop that is wasted. With-" out the ocean the Continents themselves ^ ^9 would soon become uninhabited des"Therefore," commented the profess- it 9 or, "while It laves the sand-ft saves the | 9 land."?Chicago Tribune. 4|9 Pypomsalse. '4zjHH9 Fond Father?That is the smartest ' 9 child 1 ever saw. If any one can set a 3 9 river on fire, he will when be grows apu '4 t|9 Fond Mother?Indeed he will, bless ;1 9 his little heart! Only this morning I J9 found him starting a fire under the:;-, - m piano.?Philadelphia C&1L 9 ; H The resting place of Daniel De Foe Is 9 in the heart of one of London's busiest \ quarters, abont a quarter of a mile from the Bank of England. 9 The Shoe sod the Wesu. jjfi Hereupon 1 ventured to reason with araaM the woman. 'j9 "Your conventional .Immunities," I v4J9 urged, "are not compatible with the -' ^9 new responsibilities which you seek to ' 9 assume. That is wnere the suoe pmcn- '*|H The woman gave me a withering Jfl "Pinches!" she exclaimed most scorn- fl fully. "It's a mile too blgl 1 cook) wear two sizes smaller!" % , Oh, what a futile thing mere logic jH Beemed now!?Detroit JournaL / ;|h uoliare Clan. Lord Sayvan-De Livrus ? Ah* but B your leisure clawss in this country hare no titles. in Miss Sharpe?Nonsense! Whafs the ^BKjjS matter with "hobo," "Weary Willie/* ? ^iSS "Dusty Roads," and so on??Philadel* Nearer at Haad. 9 -1 "Did you ever reflect on tbe immeth. alty of the solar system?" B "No. I've got my mind full reflecting ' B on the size of the note I hare to (ft// '^y next weefc. "?Cleveland Plain Dealer; ; BB