Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

The Man Who Wins. The man who wins is the man who does, The man who makes tilings hum and buzz, The man who works and the man who acts, Who builds on *a basis of solid facts: Who doesn't sit down to mope and dream, But bumps ahead with the force of steam; Who hasn't the time to fuss and fret. But gets tliere every time?you bet! The man who loses is he who talks. Who fumbles and foozles and trifles and balks. Who wouldn't do anything to-day That he can put otf in the same old wav * " vT 7 Who'9 down on his luck and curses his fate. And tries to catch fishes without any bai t; Who goes through life with a frown on his face. Convinced that the world is a mighty poor place. The man who wins is the man who wears A smile to cover his burden of cares; Who knows that the sun will shine again. " That the clouds will pass, and we need the rain; Who buckles down to a pile of work. And never gives up and never will shirk Till the task is done, and the toil made sweet, While the temples throb with the red blood's heat. The man who loses is he who moans That the way is rough and he dreads the stones; Who is looking for something soft to do. Where the pay is big and the hours aro few; Who dreams of this ami dreams of that, But never sails in and throws off his hat; Who fears the feel of a drop of sweat. And never gets anywhere?you bet! The man who wins is the man who climbs The ladder of life to the cheery chimes Of the bells of labor, the bells of toil. And isn't afraid that his skin will spoil If he faces the shine of the glaring sun And works in the light till his task is done? * A human engine, with triple beam, And a hundred and fifty ponnd6 of steam! F. MoK. i? DEPOT BURNED. A Serious Fire in Darlington Sunday. Heavy Loss of Goods. Darlington, Sept. 25.?The big freight depot of the A. C. L. at this place was burned early Sunday morning. It is thought that the fire was of incendiary origin. It began between half past one and two TI>o snr^nd ranidlv gk A CHICAGO ART STORY. The number of artists in Chicago was increased recently by the arrival of one from a distant city who during his leisure moments strolled about the down town streets seeing the sights. Passing a store where a number of paintings were displayed in the windows, he stepped inside to look about. Standing before a landscape about 10 by 14 inches in size, he assumed the manner of an admirer of art and awaited the approach of the proprietor. The latter advauced, smiling and rubbing his hands. He greeted the visitor cordially and said: "You are an admirer of paintings, I see." "Yes, to some extent," was the reply. "That is a pretty bit of scenery," the dealer returned, "that you are looking at there, that little clump of green trees and the red house. It has a ?Konminir otmn?i%liorA it- Don't you think? With the frame, just as it is, we are asking only $15 for it That over there is a companion piece, same size, same frame. Now, if you would like to buy the pair," he continued, becoming very earnest "we could let you have them for?let me see. Take them along for $25." "Well, it's evidently a fair price, but the fact is 1 don't want to buy. 1 am a painter myself." "Oh, you are an artist!" smilingly remarked the dealer. "Well, perhaps you would like to do some painting for us?" "Oh, 1 don't know; perhaps so. But what do you pay for a canvas like that?" indicating the small picture under discussion. "Well," replied the dealer, becoming confidential and stepping up close to his caller, "that is a cheap painting, and if you can paint them fast you can make good money." "Well, what do you pay?" asked the artist impatiently. "For that size we are paying 8 cents." Stenography is a great blessing to business men; especially when they don't know how to spell. Nearly all of us feel that we would bo a great deal healthier if we had some ditfereu; kind of a job. Jpr V VP'VA A ?l\> llktlMX ^ - -1, . -V.-, - and in a few minutes the whole building was in flames. It was impossible to save anything from the warehouse, which was at the time filled with freight consigned to various merchants of the city. There can be 110 estimate of the extent of loss made yet; the agent has no data on which to make an estimate. The burned building was the warehouse built by the olcl C. S. &N. road and was one of the largest and best freight warehouses on the line of that road. It is surrounded by the .big tobacco warehouses and factories that are Darlington's pride and the efforts of the firemen were chiefly directed towards preventing a spread of the fire to other buildings Among the losers by the fire were Dean Bros., who had three solid carloads of groceries burned, and tne Home leiepumie i"?Mii[iaiiy, wmcn bad a great deal of the material for the building of tlmir line in the warehouse, on which the freight had been paid. There were altogether about 25 car loads of goods. An es? timate places the loss at about $25,000 on the goods, and warehouse $1,500. Owing to the prompt and good work of Conductor Harold Brunsnn and En*rine*?r Ed. Lay ton and the train hands of the Clieraw train the rolling stock of the road was saved. This consisted of six loaded cars and a number of empties. Conductor Brunson and Engineer Lay ton called up the train hands, fired up the engine, and went to work with a will pulling the cars out of the fire, or the loss would have !>eeti much greater. WOES OF PEE-DEE EDITORS. Trouble Made by Paten: Outsldes in Rival Tobacco Towns. Columbia, S. C., September 22.? The Pee-l)ee district of South Caroj luia has suddenly come into promij nence 011 account of the great quanI titj' of tobacco grown there and the i rivalry between the towns for su preraacy as tobacco markets has been intense. A few weeks ago, in the height of the war between the weekly papers of Florence and Darlington, each pretending to outrank the other as a tobacco market, the Florence paper, which uses a patent outside, furnished to its readers a glowing account of the superiority of j Darlington warehouses for handling the golden weed. The ready-made newspaper firm was threatened with a law-suit and conspiracy was charged, but the matter was finally settled by its agreeing to give Florence a similar advertising. This week the Timmonsville Enterprise apologizes to its readers thus: "We regretted to send a mutilated paper to our readers la6t week, but as we were unable to secure the sympathy of subscribers sufficiently to secure their cash for subingati all home print. An objectionable scriptious, we have been compelled to continue a patent outside instead of giving article appeared in the patent and we had it clipped." And now the Darlingtonian, of Darlington, gives further light on the subject by stating that the objectionable article was an account of a big tobacco break in Darlington: "The enterprising newspaper man found the article printed on his first page, which is a 'patent,' and employed his niece to cut it out of every paper sent to subscribers."? New York Sun. A boy's fishing rod was fastened to the root of a tree on the river bank and he was sitting in the sun playing with his dog, idling the time away. He had been fishing all day and caught absolutely nothing. "Fishing?" inquired the man passing. "Yes," answered the boy. "Nice dog you have there; what is his name?" " 'Fish,' " replied the boy. "Fish? That's a queer name for a dog. What do you call him that for?" " Cause he won't bite.'' Then the man proceeded on his way. M. B. Peavye, Brumville, Ga., writes: Dr. M. A. Simmons Liver Medicine cured my whole family of Chills and Fever. It also cures Dyspepsia and Headache. I believe it strnger than Zeilin's and Black Draught. For sale by Hughson-Lig011 Co. Some women marry just to see what kind of fool husbands men will make. *r * ? An A1UII H CIE1C1 CllU urpciuo um whether he is a politician or a dancing master. A man is said to be in his cups when, as a matter of fact, the contents of the cups are in him. The line between hammocks and hog-killing will soon be crossed. A man is apt to show that he has been drinking by trying hard not to show it. It takes lots of rubber-necking to overlook some people's blunders. There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing. There are two kinds of fools in this world for whom there is no earthly hope of wisdom?one is afraid of nothing and the other is afraid of everything. If you have never been called a crank you have attracted but little attention in the world. Down in the bottom of her bean every woman compares herself with a flower. So many candidates will be running around soon that half a man's time will be taken up in lying to them. Spoiled In Transit. ?*1 wonder," said Cholly as they drove along the boulevard, "why that thing in front of us is called a T cart?" "Perhaps," suggested Miss Flyppe, . ."it is because it is Just ahead of TJ.'" Which struck Cholly as being so clever that he undertook to reproduce it at the club that evening. "I awsked her," he paoceeded, after giving the preliminaries, "why that thing in front of us was called a 'J cart, and she said It was because it was just ahead of me. Baw, Jove, though, 1 cawn't make It sound the w&t it did when she got it off, don't yot: know."?Chicago Post An Eccentric Rmlnntorm | A freakish raiustorm was witnessed one afternoon recently by Philadelphians. On the west side of Broad street, between Vine and Spring Garden streets, people bad their umbrellas up, while on the east side not a drop of rain felt The dividing line of the shower was the middle of the street, the mark being as straight as if made with a rule. Had it not been for the city ordinance governing bicycle riders on Broad street the unfortunate "bikers" who were caught in the rain could have crossed over and ridden on the dry side. While they had to take the wetting the pedestrians who were without umbrellas hurried over to where the rain fell not An American Restaurant Wanted. A recent issue of the Manila Times declares that a restaurant in that city, managed on the American system, "where one can get a decent meal without fear of being sickened by a mixture of flies, cockroaches, oil and other abominations and for a reasonable price, ought to be a little ?old mine tn an erternrifline m?n_" The writer complains especially that the Spanish proprietors of the eating houses cannot be made to understand or satisfy the American's desire for a "square meal" before beginning his daily work. Nlghtrobei For Bridea. Trousseaus contain nightrobes of white silk, and young women who can afford this sort of thing are having tnem made in ail conceivable shades of light silk. Delicate blue and pale yellow silks make exceedingly pretty gowns. They may be elaborately trimmed with lace if one desires. Tl?e gowns for brides are made with short flowing sleeves, the revers and collar being embroidered with flowers traced in their natural colors. Lace is used as a yoke, the silk falling in graceful folds. Ruffles of silk edged with fine lace are a popular form of finish. There are now published In Paris 2,585 periodicals, nearly 100 more man were issued at the corresponding date last year. WASHINGTON LETTER. ; frnada Worked Through the Malls. ! The Kew Series of Notes?Safety Railway Appliance*. (Special Correspondence.] Speaking on the subject of frauds operated through the mails. Harrison J. Barrett, the law clerk of the postOuice department, said the schemes worked are not the bold swindles that j were in vogue years ago. The firm or person who now engages in a mail business endeavors to keep within the law, although every now aud then com1 + plaints come to me uepur lUJCUl umw | call for Investigation. It often happens, he said, that the department will require a change in the form of advertisement used. Mr. Barrett said it was really surprising to see how many people are caught by flashy advertisements. One of the latest complaints made came from a farmer who claimed that he had been swindled. He said he read that for $1 there would be sent him by freight, all expenses paid, a miniature set of furniture, consisting of a handsome plush upholstered sofa and two chairs. He sent the $1 and received in return a set of toy furniture of three pieces packed snugly in a box measuring about 2 by 4 inches and weighing about seven ounces. The outfit could not have cost more than 13 cents in any store in town. This miniature set of furniture comes within the law, and a fraud order could not be issued, but the department directed that the advertisement should be made more clear and the word miniature more distinct. Another enterprising Hrm in me west is advertising: "Scenes In Higher Life. Four hundred pages of the most interesting matter. The book, handsomely bouud, sent securely sealed to any address for $1." In return for the dollar a very cheap edition of the Bible is forwarded. This matter has been brought to the attention of the department, but as the Bible is supposed to contain "scenes of higher life" the advertiser is within the law, and his mail is daily burdened with dollars. This class of schemes come before the department almost every day. The Hew Series of Notes. The secretary of the treasury is preparing a new series of notes to be designated as the issue of 1899. They will be of the denominations $1, $2, $5, $10, $20, $50, $100 and $500. The new idea is to simplify the currency and, while protecting the "holder from counterfeiting and raising, to aid those who are obliged to constantly handle paper money. Hitherto there have been different notes for the greenbacks, the silver certificates and the treasury notes. There has been a different plate for each of the 12 notes?that is, eight different plates for the greenbacks, eight for the silver certificates and eight for the treasury notes. Secretary Gage now proposes to have only eight different plates, one for eacn denomination, and distinguish between the silver certificates, the greenbacks and the treasury certificates by including on the treasury notes the color of the treasury seal. This prevents raising a $1 bill to a $5 bill or to any other , higher denomination because of the different design. The $1 notes of the new issue are now being printed, and the plates for the $2 notes are being prepared. Safety Railway Appliance*. The interstate commerce commission has issued a report showing the prog; ress of the railroads of the United States in equipping locomotives and , freight cars with safety appliances In accordance with the act of congress apf proved March 2, 1893, between Dec. 31, 189S, and June 1, 1899. Of the 29-1 railroad companies that petitioned the i commission for two years' additional time In which to perfect their equipment 31 roads were merged in other companies, and one road failed to make return. This leaves 2G2 roads, which reported an aggregate of 1,251,415 1 freight cars and 34,787 locomotives owned June 1, 1899. Of the freight cars for the six months ended June 1, 1899, 113,233 were reported as having \ been equipped with automatic couplers and 79.554 with train brakes, which , makes a total of 1,040,147. or S3 per > cent of the freight cars equipped with automatic couplers, and 698,719, or 56 per cent, equipped with train brakes. Of 34,787 locomotives owned on June 00 no narxt a fa \ VI C*? J/CI I4t \_ equipped with driving wheel brakes. Stamps on Bank Checks. It has been determined by the treas, ury department to enforce rigorously , the Internal revenue law In regard to putting stamps on bank checks. Some , time ago Commissioner Wilson notified . the banks that they would be required ! to have their customers place stamps . upon their paper, but little attention was paid to this. The department has ) accepted all compromises offered by ( the banks for the settlement of fines where unstamped checks were found in possession of the banks. The pleo of Inadvertence was entered, and where 15 or 20 unstamped checks were found by an examiner a fine of $5 and $10 was accepted. In the future the full penalty will be exacted. The war department in selecting posts for recruiting new soldiers for the ten additional regiments has in the main chosen localities different from those in which the recruits were enlisted for the old regiments. One of the painters employed at the White House said a short time ago that he had been told by sd old painter who formerly worked on the building that when he was a young man he had seen traces under the old paint on the executive mansion of the fire that had consumed it after President Madison fled with his wife and the Washington pictures. The white of the White House is only skin deep. It was built of gray stone and became white with the application of libertl coats of white lead. Carl Schofield. From a feminine standpoint the pin is mightier than the sword. Even the cynic manages to retain a fairly good opinion of himself. The milkman may not he a hewer of wood, but he is strongly suspected | of being a drawer of water. It is a sad world. Almost on me heeis of the Peace Conference comes the election in Kentucky. The industrious man is apt to score several hits while the indolent man is looking around for an easier target. It is all well enough to call things by their right names, but there are times when it should be done in a whisper. Public men speak of their unworthiness, but very few of them would be willing to bo taken at their publicly expressed estimation of themselves. Nothing too Good. Reuben Hay: Whut's thet in yer mouth, Jabez?" Jabez Simpson: "Call 'em siggerets?new fangle' kind o' seegars. John's been smokin' 'em ever sence he kum hum frum collig; sez nobody but th' arrystoekrisy uses 'em thair, but b'gosh, I top John they wuzti't nuthin' too good fer Jabez Simpson." DIAMONDS PLENTIFUL. , f ! The announcement that there is a j < scarcity of diamonds is a subject for grave consideration. It Is carefully stated that the scarcity is in the market, otherwise some would be inclined ; to laugh the story to scorn. It is quite possible that it is not easy to buy diamonds at a reasonable figure just at present. At other times this might have caused a good deal of uneasiness and even anxiety, but there is little fear of its raising any serious trouble in the feminine breast at the present moment. Diamonds may be scarce in the market, but we should say that s this was not because the output of the 1 mines was any less than it has been in *1... ??i?- eimniv hwause all the dia- L IUC JJUOW, l/uv ? mouds have been bought. One has on f ly to go to the theater to be convinced that there is none so poor as not to < own a diamond or two. In fact, there I is nothing commoner than diamonds I except dress suits. The woman who lias no diamonds in these days does s not show herself in public. The up- i petite for these white and sparkling i stones, which so many persons seem > to think are evidences of wealth and personal importance, is, however, not t appeased, and we dare say that if f there really is a scarcity of diamonds t in the market there will be something ( like a panic In the Bowery and In Eighth averfue.?New York Times. ( A Bird Without a Conscience. y "1 really think that an ostrich has ( more brains than an Arab," declares Lilian Bell in The Woman's Home Companion, when describing a visit ? to an ostrich farm near Cairo. "They t have the most curious agate colored eyes?colorless, cold, yet intelligent eyes. But they are the eyes of a bird j without a conscience. An ostrich looks | as If he would really enjoy villainy, as f if he could commit crime uner crime from pure love of it and never know remorse; yet there Is a fascination about the old birds, and they have j their good points. The father is do mestic in spite of looking as if he belonged to all the clubs, and. much to my delight. I saw one sitting on the eggs while the mother walked out and took the air. * "Ostriches and Arabs do women's work with an admirable disregard of ( Mrs. Grundy. Ostriches have an Irre- ( sistible way of waving their lovely plumy wings, and oue old fellow 2a 1 years old actually imitates the Derv- 1 lshes. The keeper says to him, ( 'Dance,' and. although he is about 10 J feet toll, he sits down with his scaly ' legs spread out on each side of him. and. shutting his eyes, he throws his long, ugly red neck from side to side. ' making a curious grunting noise and 1 waving his wings In billowy line like a ( skirt dancer." * Interesting: Relics. An interesting relic of one of the ( Franklin search relief expeditions was sold in London recently. This consist- , ed of a bootjack which was used by j Rear Admiral Sir James Ross, who sailed in the Enterprise in 1848, but < returned in the following year without success. There are many sucli relics of the Ross and other expeditions to be seen in the museum of the Royal United Service institution in Whitehall, including fragmentary por- j tions of a velvet edged pocket and a leather towel?the first real traces of the missing expedition?a biscuit from Sir James Koss' expedition (exposed to the arctic regions for 12 years), j pieces of a canvas bottle, bradawl, gimlet and other tools, the eye rim of a telescope, a glass from a dressing ' case, a fusee box and other articles. ' 1 "Shine*" Were Extra. How many New York hotels make a separate charge for blacking shoes? A man from up the state reports that he spent a day or two at one of our * hotels this summer, and when he got his bill there was an item on It of 30 ' cents for blacking shoes. 1 had supposed that at all our hotels, save possibly the very minor ones, the charge ' for the room covered that service. In certain countries in Europe people are charged for things which never figure J in bills on this side?for the use of tablecloths, for Instance. A lady who was 111 for some weeks in a London lodging house told me that she was compelled to pay for the wear and tear of the sheets on her bed?this in 1 addition to a regular charge for her 1 room.?New York Mail and Express. 1 Under the Mistletoe. Bhe stood beneath the mistletoe That hung above the door. Quite con&cious of the sprig above. Revered by maids of yore. A timid longing filled her heart; Her pulses throbbed with heat: He sprang to where the fair girl stood. "May I?just one?my sweet?1 He asked his love, who tossed her head. "Just do it?if?you dare!" she said. He sat before the fireplace Down at the club that night. "She loves me not," he hotly said, 'Therefore she did tot right!" She sat alone within her room, And with her finger tips She held Ms picture to her heart. Then pressed it to her lips. "My loved one!" sobbed she, "if yon? You surely would have?would havfr- , dared." ?George Francis ShulU A Snoring Premier. During the recent all night sitting of the New South Wales legislative assembly at Sydney the premier, Mr. Reid, spent a large part of the night in Slumber on the Opposition benches. The Incident did not escape notice, as the rotund attitude of the sleepy premier and his nasal performances compelled attention from all parts of the house. Eventually It was satirically demanded why the leader of the government should persist in remaining on the Opposition side of the house. Mr. Barton promptly aud wittily defended his new colleague by asking: "Why should he not Ik> there? Is he not now my sleep Ing partner?"?Sydney Telegraph. About the only thing a man wants to wrap himself in of a warm summer is slumber. When a man has "one foot in the j grave" lie naturally objects to "gotI ting there with both feet." It is sometimes difficult to de I terniine whether a woman loves or hates a man when she declines to ' speak his name. Astronomy as a science interests fewer people than gastronomy does. Success is said to he the offspring of audacity. Some politicians take more pride in their influence than in their integrity. A man loses confidence in his friends when they refuse to lend him money. Any nerve tonic is supposed to he a steady drink. No wonder we hear of the angry sea, when so many people persist in crossing it. Every secret society has its 'dont's," but they are not a circumstance to its dues. The self-made man is usually proud of a very poor job.. A woman's idea of a lovable man Is one who is a good listener. c PERSONALITIES. Ex-Governor llogg wears a 22 Inch collar. Judge Oliver Wendell Holmes is said o inherit much of his father's wit and conversational powers. j Marshall Field is to build and pre;ent a tine library building to his naive town. Conway. Mass. Thu L-intr of Sweden travels as Count le Hava. It was under this title that le staid at Cannes last season. General Leonard Wood is partial to igarettes. rarely smoking cigars, a act which commends him to the Cu>ans in his province. General von Rock und Polack will succeed General Count von Schliffen is chief of the general staff of the German army after the autumn maneuvers. Ilerr Riggenbach, who introduced he cogwheel railroads that have enibled tourists in Switzerland to do heir mountain climbing without effort, lied recently. J. B. Frye, one of the oldest resi'ents'of Virginia, died recently and ,vas buried, according to his wish, in a vain at cotlin made with his own hands 'rom n old tree on his farm. Guthrie, O. T., has a 15-year-old lawyer. His name is Frank H. Burford ind he was recently admitted to pracice, though he has uot yet been gradu Lted from the Guthrie High school. A Washington friend of Admiral Dewey says the great sailor is a splenlid wit and story teller. He can also spin a yarn of his own experience vhich would rival the wildest fiction. John Ruskin has not had his photograph taken for 30 years, and John Hfaro has allowed himself to be caught jy the camera once only. This was at :he express desire of Queen Victoria. General Julio Rengifo, for many rears secretary and charge d'affaires if the Colombian legation in Washugton. who is on leave in his native ountry, has been appointed minister >f the treasury. William Wither Bramston Beach is egarded as a comparatively young iian to occupy the position of "father >f the house of commons,!' to which le succeeded on the death of the late Sir John Mowbray, for he is only 72. Albert C. Hopkins, who, during the Messiah craze at Rosebud and Pine Ridge agencies in 1890, attained notoriety by appearing among the excited Sioux and announcing himself their Messiah, has been adjudged insane. Governor Powers of Maine, who ivns timber lauds In the North Woods, was asked by a Bangor Commercial man the other day if he thought the pulp business was destroying the Maine forests and promptly answered: "No. That's my answer to you?No! Let them cut all they want." ITEMS OF INTEREST. Not one drop of intox.eating liquor is allowed to be sold at any of the military camps of Canada. A club Is now being formed in Paris the members of which swear never to shake hands with any one unless wearing gloves. Fifteen years ago native Christians could rarely find employment in India. Sow they are preferred by contractors because they do more and better work than the heathen. In honor of the four hundredth anniversary of the discovery of Brazil in May, 1900, there will shortly be a special issue of stamps as follows: Discovery of Brazil, 100 reis; independence, 200 reis; abolition, 500 reis; republic, 700 reis. The earldom of Dartmouth is the latest peerage to be threatened with a "claimant." The "rightful heir" Is to be found, it seems, in William Legge, an employee of the Capital Planing works, Ottawa, who has served his apprenticeship to a gardener. A newly married couple in Portland, lf- ? ^~ /Iao# An/1 afa trrlncf .Ut., HUU nic uuiu ucat auu iuv w. j ?o housekeeping without a servant, have devised an ingenious substitute for a doorbell. When a caller presses the electric button, all the lights in the house flash up and his presence is made known. APHORISMS. Conduct Is three-fourths of life.? Matthew Arnold. The truest wisdom is a resolute determination.?Napoleon. The cheerful live longest in years and afterward in our regards.?Bovee. Things don't turn up in this world until somebody turns them up.?Garfield. Life Is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy.? Emerson. While we are considering when we are to begin, it is often too late to act.? Quintilian. Fine sense and exalted sense are not half so useful as common sense.? Horace Greeley. God never gives but one moment at a time, and does not give a second until he withdraws the first.?Fenelon. Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.?Franklin. There is no policy like politeness, since a good manner often succeeds where the best tongue has failed.? Magoon. It is the vain endeavor to make ourselves what we are not that has strewn history with so many broken purposes and lives left in the rough.? Lowell. When Willie Had the Measles. When I had the measles, year ago, Ma she said, "Now, Willie, dear, you know You've got the measles, so you must be good An stay indoors as all sick children should." Gee, 1 was good! The fellers used to call An yell for me, but I wouldn't go at all, Because I had the measles. Jes' broke out As speckled as a turkey egg, about. An ma, she fed me on ras'berr, ;am, 'At we only have for company, an SamSam, he's my brother?didn't git none. Cake An chicken pie an all good things she'd bake. But bread an butter an bacon, like Sam had, I didn't, 'cause mv appetite was bad. Oh, nothin was too good for me, you know, When I had the measles, year ago. An srimptimiv?. when ma said T mnld I took The grc-at big fam'ly Bible down to look At pictures?Moses in the rushes, jes' A little baby in a basket?yes, An David choppin up the gi-unt. Then There was old Daniel in the lions' den, With growling lions, crouchin in the dhrk, Ten times as many as at Lincoln park. When I had the measles, year ago, Gee, I lived high! An one day Sam, d'ye know. He blubbered some 'cause he'd had 'em once, An I felt sorry. Pa says he's a dunce, But I guess not, for thinkin of tl?e jam All locked up tight. I quite agree with SamWorst thing 'b<?ut liavin measles is that when You've had *eu? once you never can again. ?Chicago Record A finished gentleman is one some :oquette has done up. SHORT NEWS STORIES. Carleton Declined Correction ? Who the "Duck" Wo*?.V Quentlon of Grammar. Henry Guy Carleton, the eminent play writer, stammers badly, but this does not prevent him from holding his own in any controversy. When he was living near Madison square. New York, he used to pass daily the New York i club, of which he is a member, relates the Philadelphia Post. One day one of the young and frivolous members said to him: "I saw you this morning. Carleton, carrying your poodle through the square. Good exercise, isu't itV But I'd rather let somebody eise do It for me." "Und?dofibtedly," replied Carleton grimly, even if haltingly. "Wlieu people see lu-me carrying m-rny d-d-dog, they say. There g-g-goes Henry G-Guy Carleton with his d-dog.' But If they should see y-you they'd ask, *W-wwho's that in-infernal i-idiot c-c-carry-1 lng a p-p-poodle?*" Sometimes Carleton stammers worse than at other times, and his hearers try to supply the word that sticks, but it Is always resented. When he was editor of Life, he began to tell Mr. Mitchell a story. lie got as far as this: "One d-d-day while 1 was w-w-w-walk-k"? "Walking." interposed Mr. Mitchell helnfnllv. "One d-d-day," began Mr. Carleton anew, "while I was p-p-promen-n-nnad-d-diug," which was even harder to pronounce. Mr. Mitchell never repeated the experiment. Who the "Duck" Wan. A man wit a finely cut, dark, smooth shaven features was driving a swell "spider" to which a handsome pair of bays were attached up Fourteenth street one evening last week. A pretty young woman sat beside him. A brown skinned footman in cool summer livery occupied the looking to the \. ' "WHY, SO IT 18!" rear seat behind. The man holding the reins wore a big, well fitting gray fedora hat, a dark serge suit and pearl driving gloves. It was an unusually handsome rig, and there was a look of distinction about the man. "Wonder who that duck is?" asked a workingman of his friend when the "spider" whirled by the open car In which they were seated. "Oh, he's a feller ?that lives across from Lafayette square!" replied the other workingman. ? "That so?" said the first speaker. "Knows how to handle horses, don't he? What's the geezer's name?" "McKinley," answered the other workingman, grinning. And then his inquisitor stretched his head out and said, "Why, so It Is!"? Washington Post A Question of Grammar. The peace conference at The Hague may have been a political failure, but it has been an arena In which the American delegates have won many laurels. The least known member of the body is the one who has attracted the largest amount of the world's attention. This is the secretary, Frederick W. Holls, a member of the New York bar. He Is admirably qualified for the post His father, a German by btrtn, is an eminent Liutneruu clergyman, and the son speaks both German and English. His selection as secretary was warmly advocated by Commissioner Seth Low, who had before this recognized Mr. Holls' fitness for the office. His plan of International mediation and arbitration was marked by simplicity, efficiency and equity. The phraseology was so excellent as to receive the praise of the great European Jurists who were opposed to his Ideas. Digests of his plan were published, with full credit, by every European nation. Of Mr. polls' career as a lawyer many stories are told, of which the following is one: On one occasion in the courtroom Mr. Holls was Interrupted with the question: "Suppose there was three defendants"? "That, my dear sir," retorted Holls, "is a question of grammer and not of law." A New Large Telescope, A press item announces that John A. Brasliear of Alleghany City is soon to begin work on a telescopic objective of 32 inch aperture for a new telescope to be erected at Alleghany observatory. It is said that Mr. Brashear expects to spend most of the coming winter on the work, and it is believed that this lens, when finished, will be at least nr?fT nfKnr In an'ctonpo LIU L 1L11C1 1U1 lU auj ?? ?American Machinist. A Wesleyan preacher named Houldsworth, who had preached for 80 years, died recently in the Halifax (England) almshouse, aged 94 years. Experience. Deepin Love?What is the best day In the week to get married on, old chap? Hadder Knuff?Friday, my boy; then you'll have something to blame it on afterward.?'Tit-Bits. A Successful Show. First Circus Man?How do you manage to fill your show with only six performers ? Second Circus Man?1 carry 12 bill posters.?New York Weekly. Getting: His Measure. "Is that newcomer a naturalized Englishman?" inquired the earl. "No," answered the duke. "He's 'innn f nun 4 *?\ /\ mmt aa m 9f Cl%> flu LI LiXI4.1 L Li I cl 1 X AtCU ?TViiJC.l IVJcLLl. ? Washington Star. Pro Bono Publico. "I've a scheme to improve our street car manners." "What is it?" "Have a chaperon on each car."?Chicago Record. Onr Honorary Titles. "Why do you use 'Hon.' in addressing a letter to him ?" "He was once a delegate to a county convention."?Chicago Post. A NATURAL ERROR. But This Time It Wa* Made by the Wronu Man. "I had been occupying a certain room in this house for nearly a year," | said a drummer who lives at one of the hotels, "hut the other uay tney gawe me the apartment adjoining, which is a trifle larger. Last night 1 came in rather Lite and very much preoccupied and when I opened the door was startled to find a strange man, with Life feet on the bureau, reading a paper. It flashed across my mind instantly that I had gone to my old room by force of habit, and I offered my apologies as gracefully as I could. " 'I occupied this room for a long time,' I said, 'and it comes natural to me to walk right in. I'm very sorry I disturbed you.' "That should certainly have been satisfactory, but the fellow jumped up with a face as black as thunder. " 'Hold on a bit,' he said. 'It strikes me that's a pretty thin excuse.' " 'What do you mean, sir?' 9aid I, getting mad myself. " 'I mean I don't believe you're straight,' he replied, stepping between me and the door. 'I've heard of these kind of tricks before, and I think I'll Jusc investigate you.' "It's nrettv rough to be taken for a sneak thief in one's own hotel, and I lost my head completely. " 'I'll slap your jaws!' I cried and made a pass at him, but he jumped back aud ran? the bell. Then he squared off a la Jeffries. " 'Come on.' he said, cool as you please. 'The police will be here in a minute, and you have no time to lose.' "I was just about to sail in when 1 happened to notice for the first time n lot of my toilet articles on the bureau. I glared around, and there was all my luggage in the corner. By Jove! I was in my own room after all! It was the other fellow who had made the mistake. "The situation was so absurd that 1 roared with laughter, and my late antagonist put down his hands and looked puzzled. I made a brief explanation, pointed to the number on the door, and he was the most chagrined individual in 19 states. "He really belonged across the hall and had mistaken a figure G in the door number for an 8. As he took his departure he remarked that he was the biggest fool on the hemisphere and said that he would like to engage a good healthy mule to kick him around the parish for a few days."?New Orleans Times-Democrat. Enthralling; Eyes. A penny novelette is never complete without the heroine inflicting grave torture on her eyes. In the course of one "complete story" this is what she did: - 41 * 4. ane inrew ner eyes uy u> uie cemug. Then she dropped them on the floor. Again she raised them and again she lowered them." "She made her eyes flash fire." "Her eyes burned." "Her eyes froze." "Her eyes glowered like burning coals." "She cast her eyes to his chest, then dropped them to the fender." * "His eyes crossed hers and greedily devoured them." But at last her eyes had their revenge, for we read, "Her eyes betrayed her."?Tit-Bits. A Good Scheme. Hicks?Funny thing- happened to Melville the other evening. He found out when he had pulled the door to after coming through it that he had left his keys in the house. Wicks?And so he was . forced to remain out all night? That was too bad. Hicks?Yes, but he bore up under it with fortitude. He thinks he will try It again some other night?Boston Transcript. Plenty of Them. Romantic Tourist?I suppose you have no interesting old ruins In this neighborhood? Villager?No ruins? Great Scott, mister! I can show you more'n two dozen buildin's in this county that used to be creameries in the old days 'fore the trusts.?Chicago Tribune. At First Sight. "Do you believe in love at first sight?" she asked. "That's the only wayjt's possible," answered the old bachelor. "Second sight would utterly destroy it"?Chicago Post. A Mistake. Hooter?I hear that the Columbia has struck a rook. Rooter?No; It's only a Sham-rock. She'll sail around that all rightWashington Post. Trouble Ahead. "Dat's all right, kid, laff. Bnt de day'll come when youse knows de pangs of unrequited love."?New York Journal. Shootlnff Across Handle Bars. The latest use to which bicycles have been applied is tiger hunting. A paper published in British India gives an account of this startling innovation. A pig, it appears, was carried away by a tiger from a coffee estate at Castlewood, In the state of Johore. "The news having been sent to Johore," runs the report, "the sultan's trackers were out on bicycles by midday and located" the tiger in some low shrub within half a mile of the shed. The sultan himself rode out at 4 o'clock, and after a short beat of half an hour a large tiger was driven out of the shrub and fell to one well placed shot by the sultan through the tiger's forehead." Bride Retains Her Name. There was a curious marriage at Toledo a few days ago. The bride was Miss Lydia Kingsmill Commander, and the bridegroom the Rev. Herbert N. Casson. By prenuptial agreement the bride is to retain her own name?Mrs. Lydia K. Commander; Mr. Casson will still be known as Mr. Casson. It is not stated whether the future members of the family will be Cassons or Commanders or half and half.?New York Tribune. HUMOR OF THE HOUR. Following is nn automobile diary: Monday.?Beautiful start. Thousands saw us off. Lovely day. Roads admirable. Broke a hub at Bunkersville. Total distance for day nine miles. Tuesday.?Didn't get away until 3 p. m. Road up hill. Had to get out and nnsh. Lost the monkey wrench. Made J four miles. Wednesday.?Raining. Started between showers. Soaked. Lost one of the lamps. Stalled In a ditch. Distance traveled two miles. Thursday. ? Nice weather. Road heavy. Upgrade. Broke an axle. Had to send for new one to Skipperton. Made three miles and a half today. Friday.?Got early start. Covered four miles in two hours. Broke off the dashboard, ripped out the seat, smashed the eccentric and lost the oil can. Saturday.?Tinkered up the machine. Started late in afternoon. Down grade for two miles. Machine ran away. tsustea everyunng umi wasu i previously busted. Speut three hours gathering up fragments. Have covered 21^j miles since Monday morningmuch of it on foot. Sunday. ? Rest. ? Cleveland Plain * Dealer. A Refrigerating Scheme. "How old is your lady typewriter?" "In the neighborhood of 30." "I have a scheme." "What is it?' "During this hot weather put your thermometer near her desk." "What good will that do?" "None. Only it will be some satisfaction to think the thermometer is near 90 and then know It is In the ? neighborhood of 30."?Chicago Daily News. What He Wanted. Small Boy (to prospective customer, pointing out what he wants In the showcase)?Rubber! Their Discontent. "Hoot!" cried the owl, ever and anon. The fowls of the air and the beasts of the field stirred uneasily In their sleep and muttered maledictions. "Why are they so angry?' asked the j owlet at last "They are envious, my child," replied the owl, "of my Scottish dialect Hoot.1 Hoot!"?Detroit Journal. A St?tho*cope. "What Is a stethoscope, and what la it used for?' asked the professor of the class In anatomy. ' "The stethoscope," answered the pu- pll at the pedal extremity of the class, "is a sort of microscope used by a doctor for the purpose of looking into the chest of a patient with his ear."?Chicago News. Hla Theory, "Aphasia Is the inability to use the words that express your meaning when you try to talk, isn't it?' "Something of that sort." "Fweddy Llghtpayte says he's satisfied that's what ails the girl he asked the other day to marry him. She said no."?Chicago Tribune. ?- i - v? Dili aav nc?cr ????.?? , "This milk." said Mr. Oakum as he looked into the pitcher and began fishlng for something with his fork, "reminds me of the quality of mercy." "What do you mean?" his wife de- ?* manded. "It is not strained."?Chicago TimesHerald. ? . Breach of Military Discipline. Officer of the Day (savagely)?What do you mean by showing me a gun in that condition, sir? There are two specks of dirt on the top of the barrel. Recruit?Yes, and your left shoulder strap is badly tarnished.?Somervllle .. Journal. No Trace of Drugs. Attorney?Now answer, yes or no. Was the abducted child ill? I Insist on a categorical answer. O'Hara?Well, thin, thur wasn't ? drop ave paregoric in the house.? Philadelphia North American. ? One Was Enough. "Getting home from the seaside?" "Vm " iea. "Any curiosities?" "One. My board bill Is coming by freight"?Atlanta Constitution. It Clouded His Joy. "Tyte Phist Is surlier than ever since he came back from his vacation." "Yes; he has just learned of a place where he might have gone and saved $4."?Chicago Tribune. Carrying Conviction. "Is Kirby an accomplished liar?' 1 "Accomplished? He tells his yarns so well that he believes them himself."?Chicago Record. Buying: Bird* to Free Then. Miss Marie Dalroyde, the London actress who recently innerlted a large fortune, created a sensation on a thor oughfare of that city last week. While passing a stall where a bird dealer had | a large stock of wild birds In cages she purchased a dozen linnets, opened the doors of their cages and let them fly away. Finding she had not money enough in her purse to procure freedom for all the warblers, she returned home for more and, revisiting the man, purchased and liberated every wild bird in his stock. An Immense crowd of people gathered, and many of them warmly commended her kindly act. Quite the Reverse. Osmond?Well, you've never seen me run after people who have money. Desmond?No; but I've seen people run after you because you didn't have mnnar Dolflmni-a Towlsh Pnmmpnf uauucj .?i/aiuuiva v w ?? m? i i *>? ? The most celebrated battle steeds of the civil war were Cincinnati, Traveler and Winchester, the favorite charges of Grant, Lee and Sheridan. The first postoffice was opened In ji Paris In 1462; In England in 1581; in America in 1710. I