The Barnwell people. (Barnwell, S.C.) 1884-1925, August 14, 1884, Image 1
VOL VII.
BARNWELL, S. C., THURSDAY, AUGUST 14, 1884.
NO. 50.
A Year’s Wooing.
•Twm Autumn when first they stood on tho
bridge;
Blpe pears on the pear tree, ripe corn on the
ridM;
The swallows flew swiftly far up In the blue,
Aud speeding still southward, were lost to
view.
Bald be: "Can you love me, as I can love
you?”
She said, quite demurely, “Already I dol"
Twas winter when next they met on the
bridge;
The pew trees were brown, and bare was the
ridge.
The swallows Were feathering their nests in
Algiers.
Bhe looked in his face, and she burst into
tears I
His nose it was pinched, and his lips they
were blue.
Bald she: "1 can’t love you I” Bald ho: “Nor
I youl”
’Twas springtime when next they stood on
the bridge;
And white was tho pear tree and green was
the ridge;
The swallows bad thoughts of a speedy re
turn.
And the midglets wore dancing a-down the
browit burn.
He “Pretty maiden, let by-gones go
Can you love mo agalnr” Bhe said: “I can
try.”
’Twas summer when next they stood on the
bridge;
There were pearson the pear trees, tall corn
on the ridge;
The swallows wheeled round them, far up in
the blue,
Then swooped down and snapped up a raldg-
let or two.
Bald he: “Lest some trifle should come in the
. ^ w * 7 ’
And part us again, will you mention the
dayf
Bhe stood, looking down on the fast-flowing
rill.
Then answered, demurely: “As soon as you
—Chamber's Journal.
- ONLY A GOVERNESS.
r --
*T suppose I had better dress, and
call on the lady. It’s always more
satisfactory than writing, as dear papa
used to say,” murmured Kate Dagnall,
as she brushed vigorously the unruly
curls off her broad forehead, that would
stay there in spite of all remonstrance.
“I’ll £um it down,” sho exclaimed,
laughing—a low rippling laugh, that
disclosed a row of little white pearls.
“O, don’t, dear Kate,” said a sweet
childish voice. 'T should be so unh&p-
E y if you did anything to your pretty
air.”
’■Then I won’t, darling,” said her
sister, tenderly shaking the pillows un
der Evie's little fragile form with deft
fingers.
The poor little creature had laid on
that same couch for two years, with
curvature of the spine, And it was for
tho little sufferer's sake that bravo
Kate was going to battle with
is bright May morning.
“Shall I do, Evie? I don’t look too
■mart, I hope?”
“You look as you always do—love
ly!" replied the girl.
She certainly deserrod the praise too;
her dead-black silk robe hanging in
S aceful folds around her little stately
guro, a dainty little spotless collar
fastened by a simple knot of violets in
the place of a brooch.
But above all there was a dewy
freshness about her witching face, like
a wild rose sparkling with tho early
morning dews-
“I shall not be long, Evie love,” she
called, as she tripped out of the room,
but not before a little slipper, which
the sufferer had been hugging jealous
ly, came bounding toward her, and the
weak little voice said:
“Good luck, sister mine!” and to
herself she added: “Please, dear Heav
en, bring her back safely to me."
“What a grand place!" thought
Kate as she looked up at the palatial
mansion on Carlton-house terrace. “I
thought dear papa’s house handsome,
but that was nothing to this.”
To her question" if the Countess of
Elslie would tco her, tho butler, a very
gentlemanly man, in deep mourning,
said kindly:
“Step this way. You are Miss Dag-
nall, whom her ladyship expects, I
suppose?”
“Yes,” she said somewhat shyly as
he led her across the marble hall up a
flight of stairs, gorgeous with pictures,
mirrors and eostly purple velyot hang
ings, into a fairy bower, all turquoise
pltuh, and bjllowy lace, -where an ele
gant woman was seated at a silver and
malachite davenport, writing letters.
The countess was a true patrician in
looks, voice, and gesture, with the
noblest attributes,wiuiouta tinge of the
usual false pride of her class.
“Be seated. Miss Daguall,” she said
kindly, “and bo good enough to excuse
me one moment till I have sealed my
letter.”
Kate began to plnck np heart of
grace now that she found herself placed
at ease by the unstudied grace of man
ner of the true lady.
“I think we shall j_
Miss Dagnall, and our darling May
will hare a lady whom I shall like as
well as trust 1 am pleased you con-
J ded in me. and told me all, because I
are heard of the sad reverse of the
once eminent banker, but never knew
what became of his two daughters.
Now, confidence begets confidence.
Your little charge Is not my own; my
darlings have been gathered in hr the
Great Keeper. May is my brother’s
pretty Kate was go
the world this brnr
got on very nicely.
“I wonder if I shall over see her,”
the poor little thing said wistfully.
“Why, of course you will, Erie.
Some day you shall be brought to see
me in a little invalid chair that I mean
to buy you when my ship returns laden
with good things.”
The 'thought of such happiness
brought a sunny smile into tho child’s
sweet pensive face, and she was satis
fied.
“My papa is.coming homo, dear Miss
Dagnall. Won’t I bo happy then!” ex
claimed little May one delightful morn
ing in August, as sho dashed into the
schoolroom, a very Hebe of child-beau
ty "Aunty has just got a letter—oh,
such a duck of a one, with dozens of
kisses. Aren’t you very pleased?”
“Yes, May, very, of coiirM, because
you are. But perhaps your papa won’t
see me with the same indulgent oyos
as you and Lady Elslie do; he's a gen
tleman.”
“Fudge! he’ll love you ns much as I
do. Why, my papa is only like a big
boy—he plays with me an hour every
morning, and even helps mo dress my
dolls. He's not like other papas; he is
my friend, my playmate!” and the lit
tle lady looked lip into Kate’s face
with innocent confidence.
“So her ladyship is out?” said Lord
Severn, a line handsome man about
thirty, with dark earnest eves and a
frank sweet smile just like nis sister’s,
the countess.
“Yes, my lord; but Miss May is at
home with her governess.”
“Thanks, Graham. I hope all tho
servants are well, and that this time I
shall stay among you."
"I am sure, my lord, that I can say
we all wisli so from the bottom of our
hearts,” returned the butldf.
“Ah, there’s no place like home to a
man who has been knocking about in
that arid waste, Egypt and the Holy
Land,” mused his lordship as his valet
assisted him to change his dust-covered
habiliments.
*T11 just steal a march upon my lit
tle pet, and creep up and see what she
is doing. Oh, the fun and joy of tho
surprise! How she’ll dauco with de
light!”
A beautiful room, covered with rugs
of bright colors and polished birch fur
niture; laced draperies and pretty rose-
covered chintzes on pale-blue ground
draped tho chairs and cosy couches;
birds sang cheerily from their fairy
like cages; flowers everywhere; an
open piano in the corner; a few beauti
ful pictures of tho Holy Child from
babyhood till manhood. This is tho
sanctum of the little heiress and her
friend and instructress, Kate.
A
and innocence reigning supreme.
As the weary traveler watched with
breathless interest, a feeling of awo
came over him, and ho resolved not to
interrupt by his presence tho sweet
home-picture.
“How lovely!” ho thought; “she has
tho face of an angel. My darling is in
deed blessed.”
There sat Kate, perfectly ilnconscious
of the admiring eyes that were taking
in greedily the scene that sho was play
ing the heroine so artlessly in. Tho
crimson twilight was just flooding tho
chamber, and touching up with its
summer glory the bonnio little golden
head and tho witching face as she read
aloud a touching story of our Redeem
er when a child to May and her little
invalid sister, who lay on a cpuch in
some filmy white robe, one tiny hand
clasping May, tho other a tea-rose, a
gift from the countess before going
out
“Oh, how lovely, dear Kate!” ex
claimed tho two children in chorus
when she had finished tho story.
“To-morrow, dears, I will read tho
life of his friend and follower, St.
John; now we will have our usual lit
tle concert.”-
In a few seconds Kate's sweet, fresh
voung soprano rose clear and thrilling,
Joincu by the little ones' childish voices,
singing:. “Abide with me, fast falls
the eventide.”
Lord Severn stole noiselessly from
the room, murmuring: '
“I will not break into their sweet
wisned It;” and smoothing down her
rebel hair she made her way to the
magnificent room to meet—what? Her
little fluttering, palpitating heart dared
think—dia:
not even stop to
haps.
She
dismissal, per-
looking very shy, but
entered,
very lovely.
“I have sent for you, Miss Dagnall,”
ho said, placing a chair for her, “to
say that your services will not be need
ed any longer as governess to my littlo
Poor Kate! she tamed white to tho
lips, and could not think of a word to
say for a brief moment, then summon
ing all her courage, sho said:
“Is my fault commission or omission,
my lord?”
"It is neither.” he replied. “It is
simply my desire; another lady will
take your place more fitted for the po
sition.”
Poor bravo littlo Kate. This was tho
last straw, and sho burst into a flood
of tears, gobbing:
“What—oh, what have I done?”
“Done, my darling, my love, my
Z uoen! Robbed me of my heart," cried
ord Soverne, clasping tho slight form
to his breast, and raining down such a
passion of kisses that Kate nearly
fainted.
“You lovo me?” she gasped.
“Love you, sweet Kate! I have loved
you from tho first moment I saw you,
when you were reading to my child,
and your sister aud you then sang
‘Abide with me’—tho night I arrived
home.”
“And you saw and heard us?” she
asked in sweet confusion.
"I did, my sweet wife that is to be,
and I registered a vow that you should
bo my May’s darling mother in reality.
Say. do you love me? Are you happy?”
“Yes, mv king, my lovo," she re
lied, and Kale was no longer “Only a
overncss. ”
r. 1 *
Go
Shaving' Drunken Men.
“Glad that job is over," said a Mad
ison street barber, as a customer
walked out of tho shop with unsteady
Steps.
“Why?” was asked him.
“Drunk!” senteutiously.
“Have many of that kind?”
‘-‘No, thank goodness! You see, a
drunken man when ho sits down to get
shaved is always shooting off his mouth
and is always sure to do it at the
wrong time. Just when tho razor is
passing over his chin ^n idea will
strike the fool in tho chair, open will go
his mouth, down will go his chin, and
it is only by tho greatest care that afel-
,u a™‘nstrucircss, khik I ] ow can keep from cutting him.”
veritable Eden upon earth, purity , .. Evor h ^ 0 accidents?”
any
I “Don’t insult me. I never cut any
body, drunk or sober. But I remem
ber once the chap that had the chair
next to me, a sort of gre-n hand, wh*
came near cutting* a man’s nose off.
Tho customer came in drunk, threw
himself into the chair, and kept per-
i fcctly quiet while ho was being latner-
! ed and during tho time tho first one-
half of his face was being shaved.
Then when the barber was about to
shave his upper lip ho forgot that he
had a drunken man in tho ohair and
hold tho blade close to bis nose for an
instant. At that very moment some
thing funpjj 11 ’ 11 '* the mind of the man
and he threw his head back to laugh.
Tho next instant a razor struck his
nose aud a stream of blood squirted
clear to the looking glass. The boss
had to pay for patching up tho organ
and the green hand was ‘docked’ ac
cordingly. But he learned a lesson,
and I guess the customer did too.”
“Ever have any men go to sleep un
der the soothing influence of a shave?”
“Yes, but not often. Sometimes a
man will come in from an early train
who has had no sleep all night, and
will doze off. Mighty moan customers
to handle, too.”
“How's that? I should think they
would be the more docile.”
“Not much. You have to tug at
their heads to get them to turn them,
and then run the risk of giving them a
snip when some dream is running
through their minds, or cutting them
aper. May is my
child; he is a widower. I have her
under my oare tlll he returns to En
gland. *
“Then she is motherless, my lady?’'
"That is so,” she replied sorrow
fully, “but yon will, in some measure,
make up to oar treasure her sad loss.”
• All was settled, and as Kate tripped
down the staircase she could almost
have burst oat into song, like a bird
who had lost Its way and iU mates,
and found them again.
“Oh, I’m so happy now! I wish I
had wings to fly to my darling Evie,”
she murmured, as she flew- along SL
James’ Park, light as a fawn. “It was
the slipper that did it,” and she began
humming, “Oh, those golden slippers,"
unknowingly—how golden she had y«
to learn.
yet
There was joy for the orphans that
day at Camden Town.
“I told you that yon were a fairy,
and would win the hearts of every
body,” exclaimed Evie, raising herself
with difficnltv to take a peep at her
eister. “Only fancy a oounices, too,
and to ahake yon by the hand as if yon
wese her sister; HtV I should like to
eee her! Isahe very beanttfaiP"
i is more than that; ahe is a per-
aobly planned, what I
the other
morning will be better.
His lordship had boon homo a month
and a few intimate friend*- were in
vited to dinner.
“It is tho wish of my brother, dear
child,” said tho countess.
“But I shall be so dreadfully nerv
ous. Oh, do let mo come in quietly
after dinner. I am deeply conscious
of the great honor you have offered mo,
my lady,” replied Kate with sweet
simplicity.
/“Just as you please then, dear. I
Will tell his lordship that you would
prefer to join us later on.”
What caused Kate to tremble and
blush so when May ran up to her with
two exquisite white roses sayin<j:
“Papa plucked them, and told mo I
was to give them, to you to wear now.”
"Are you sure, darling?"
“Yes—quite sure,” answered tho lit
tle damsel positively, adding; “Oh,
don’t you look pretty—better than all
In the drawing-room.”
The child was quite right, Kate cer
tainly made an exquisite picture iu her
simple black-net dress, its square-cut
body half-revealing tho alabaster neck
through tho delicate lace, where sho
pinned one of tho white roses.
Her success in tho drawing-room
was complete, and Lord Severn’s at
tentions most marked.
“Oh. that I was a princess or a
queen!” she murmured when she found
herself in her own room. “I wonld
do like our gracious majesty was com
pelled to do—offer this king of men my
nand, half my crown and kingdom.
Well, well, I oan only pray that such
naughty thoughts may never assail
me;” this as she breathed a little sigh
that was wafted up to the angels, who
in turn hovered around the innocent
sleeper, investing her dreams with a
radiant bliss and joy which gave the
"weet face an expression of perfect
peace and happiness.
“Want# to see me, Graham?” said
Kate perplexedly, about a week after
the dinner-party.
"Yhs, miss, that was his lordship's
command.”.
the drawing-
i win noi oreax uuo tneir sweet when they suddenly awake with a start,
sacred converso to-ni^ tomorrow For myself, I prefei to shave a sober
business man. He may have his mind
on his affairs, but he is also aware that
ho is in a barber’s chair and that a
sharp razor is close to his face.”—CW-
cago News.
Jealous Millionaires.
Where am I to go?”
'He is waiting In
room.”
*Oh dear, oh dear, Wt*»* «• w* , w » u , . .
it be?
Speaking of the hatred of wealth, I
observe a groat deal of rancor between
millionaires themselves. Gould and
Vanderbilt are reputed to loathe' each
other. It is only lately that the Astors
and the Vanderbilts came to speaking
terms. When Villard went under the
expressions of delight were by no
means confined to those who envied
him in prosperity.^ And now that Jim
Keene is suffering a disaster, there is
positive hilarity among tho Wall Street
ers. It seems to me that a mob which
would pillage one millionaire’s prop
erty would be aided and abetted by
most of the other millionaires. The
joy is quite unconfined over Keene’s
downfall, however, on account of his
personal obnoxionsness. Few men went
near him, no matter how trivial the
business, withont going away inveter
ate enemies. He had a needlessly harsh,
insulting manner. It is not manly to
strike a dead lion, but there are few
men in wall street who are not doing
it.—N. Y. Cor. Utica Observer.
Thought So, Too.
In response to a sign of "Boy Wanted”
a lad about twelve years of age applied
for a position in a Michigan avenue
store. The proprietor Jtked his looks
and decided to take himj and, after
some general explanations and Observa
tions. asked:
“What is your first name?”
“Henry.” —- ■ T.
“Very well; I shall call you by that,”
“What is your first name?” asked
the boy.
“Why?”
“Oh, I think it’s altogether tho best
plan to call each other hr our first
names. It saves time, and you don’t
S it folks mixed up. Yon can call me
ank,and if vour name’s Williamlcan
shorten it half a rod.”
The boy hasn’t began work yet In
fact the man has installed a lad in the
time to
Second Hand Tobacco.
i go lor tnem i I sup-
the ‘old soldiers’ as
“Just see them
pose they on-
much as’we 5o’our Havanas.”
Two gentlemen, one of them a Bos
ton Globe reporter, had just cast their
half smoked cigars into the street and
the above remark was called out by
seeing a couple of gamins dive into the
gutter for tho stumps.
“Enjoy them? Well, I guess not
Do you imagine that they smoke all
tho old ‘butT they manage to scoop in
around tho city?”
“I never gave it a thought but I
don’t see what elso they want them
for.”
“Yon will be surprised then when I
tell you that these old stumps, which
are gathered by the ion at iund the diy,
from hotel cuspidors, saloon ash-boxes,
railway Waiting-rooms, and public
places generally, as _well as from tho
gutters, are manufactured into cigars
and tobacco, but I am informed that
such is tho case, and this ‘second hand’
business is becoming quite an industry;!
Why, a dealer was explaining the pro
cess to me the other day. Of course
yon don’t see any large concerns fen-
gaged in the business. The trade is
carried on in obscure shops and (tene
ment bouses, and hence few people out
side of those engaged in it Lave any
idea of its extent. There are probably
hundreds of people engaged in the busi
ness right here in Boston.
"The process of transforming the
filthy accumulations of gutters and
cuspidors into bright, finely flavored
smoking tobacco is thus explained:
Tho old cigar stumps, after tho charred
are cut off', are soaked in a solution of
ammonia and some other chemical
which takes nearly all tho nicotine out
of the tobacco and removes all trace of
smoke and creosote. The mass of
pulpy tobacco is then pressed into
arc
cakes and sliced by a cutting machine,
after which it is given a bath in some
kind of a bleaching solution which re
moves nearly all tho properties of
which tho weed is possessed when it
comes from the plantation. It is now
taken to the roof in trays and left to
dry in the sun. When thoroughly dry
it is carefully taken up in tiio trays and
carried below, where it is passed under
an atomizer, by which it is dampened
with a preparation of glycerine and
some flavoring extract, after which it
is in shape to oe made into cigarettes
or put up in packages as smoking to
bacco. Tho business is said to be per
fectly legitimate, as the manufacturers
comply with the revenue laws and the
tobacco thus pays a double tax.”
"It is a good thing that thoso who
smoke this second hand tobacco do not
realize what it is, or its use might bo
lessened.”
“1 don’t know about that. Thoso
who ought to know say tirK the cigar
ettes are far less hftrtnfftl than many of
those put up in udK attractive shape,
aud that it wouhj-bo a good thing for
the youth of tho country if all cigar
ettes were made of second hand tobacco
prepared by this process.”
“A Oomplexlonlst.’’
Strolling up-town recently, a reporter
for tho N. Y. Mail and h’xjtress had his
attention attracted by tho sign “Com-
plexionist,” which was hanging over
tho door of an inoffensive-looking
dwelling-house. Wondering what un
der the sun a complexionist might be,
he wandered in to satisfy his cariosity.
A French lady of medium height and
with charming conversational powers
received him in a small room, fitted up
in a style that might indicate at first
sight either a drug store or a hair
dresser’s saloon.
“A complexionist,” said tho lady,
in answer to tho reporter’s, in^rroga-
tion, “is one who makes a study of the'
human skin, and takes charge of the
customer’s complexion."
“But surely there are not many
who ”
“Oh! yes; there are hundreds of the
fair sox who come hero during the gay
season to be made up or to nave the
skin treated with delicate washes to
{ irevent tho bad effect of gas, heat, and
ate hoars. But young ladles are not
the only" ones treated; men— young
and old—are often found within these
walls.”
“What is your usual mode of treat
ment?”
“That depends on the complexion.
If it is merely to be preserved, we
advise a little careful dieting and
bathing in elder-flower water. Not a
particle of fat must be taken, as it
injures the polish of the skin. Here is
a prescription that will clean tho com
plexion in a very short time: A table
spoonful of sulphur taken every other
morning for a week, then omitted for
three mornings, and taken again. A
mixture of powdered brimstone or
dilated glycerine should be rubbed on
the face at night and washed off in the
morning with soap and water in which
there is a little ammonia. Washing
the face in spirits of camphor, glycerine,
and ammonia is also very good, and
various other methods are resorted to
for this end.” • _
What is the use of wasting money by
advertising in the newspapers, when
one can tack a notice like this on the
bulletin board of the court-Abuse, or
on the door of the district school:
“Los or strade, a Soral horse too wite
iet and white fasc. 'Blind in wun i
vo dolor reword.”
“No lady orgcntleman”emphatically
remarks a Vermont paper, “no anatter
how costly or fashionable their rain-
ment, will sit in church and eat pea
nuts.” And it might hare added that
they will not send out for a pitcher of
beer, either, and drink it while tho
collection is being taken up.
Here is a piece of German repartee:
A Frenchman said to a Berliner:
“Your Iron Cross, the highest Prussian
order, is simply ridiculous—it has an
intrinsic value of scarce 5 souk” To
which the native of tho Prussian capi
tal replied: “I don’t deny it, bat it has
nevertheless cost yon two Napoleons.”
"I don’t see why you are so particu
lar about your hair,” said a churlish
husband. “I don’t suppose Eve ever
wore bangs.” “I don’t
Short Stops.
what base ball players use« my
IMPORTANT INFORMATION.
“Papa, what is a bat?’
“It is
child.
“I know that; but isn’t there another
kind, papa?”
“Yes, there’s a bird called a bat”
“I know that; too, but isn’t there an
other one?”
“No, I guess not dear, why do you
ask?”
“Because I hoard Uncle John tell
mamma that you wont on a frightful
bat last night.”
Papa said nothing, but mado up his
mind to give Uncle John a laying-out
next time ho saw him.—Neto Fori
Journal.
WANTED TO STRIKX IT.
“Mr. Dupree,” asked the little 10-
year old, after tho big sister’s bean had
taken bis seat, “won’t you let pa hit
your breath just for fun?”
“Why certainly, my little man; but
why do you ask such a question?”
“’Kause ho said this morning that he
could hit your breath any time and
knock a quart of whisky out of it; I
think it would be so funny to soo any
thing knocked out of a man’s breath,
don’t you?”
Dupree didn’t stop to reply. —Atlanta
Constitution.
A CONSIDERATE HUSBAND.
Mrs. Blank—“Here is a funny item
which says that a parried man can be
distinguished by the way in which he
carries an umbrella over his wife, care
fully shielding himself and leaving her
exposed to tho drippings.”
Mr. Blank—"It is not true, though."
Mrs. Blank—“No, it is not You
never do it. You were a good deal
more awkward at carrying an umbrella
over me before wo were married than
you have been sin
Mr. Blank—“Ah!
Mrs. Blank—“Ye* I had several
bonnets and two dressoM Tuined by the
drippings in thoso day*. >Jlut you have
become over so much morovcareful.”
Mr. Blank—“Yes, iudeod\ I have to
myself A^ow.”—
pay for your things
r/iiladclphia Call.
" ■ 1 ■■■— 9
THEV WERE SLTERFLUOUS.
“Why do you always wear a bunch
of flowers in your buttonhole?” in
quired Miss Fussanfeathor, while Mr.
TitcpanD: was calling the other evening.
“Oh, it gives one an air of fresh
ness,” responded tho poetical young
man.
“Well,” replied the young lady,
frankly, “I don’t think you need any
artificial means to prove your fresh
ness.”
And then Titopants went ont and, pU
on the hitching post to think it ovpx.
ENGLISH AS SHE IS SPOKE IN LONDON.
“Hi say, ’Arry, did you hever Jkw
did," re
the wife, wit
suppose
with a <
quiet
the world but her husband to admire
her.” The husband very
thoughtful
Such bn Liars led country Las Ha:
his, hany ’ow?”
“Why, what’s tho matter now,
John?”
“Hoh, they speak such beastly Hen-
glish bin this country, ’Arry. Hi cawn’t
nnnderstand them hat hall, yon knaw.
Now, hat ’ome tho very street cads
speak passably good Henglish has hev-
erybody'll tell you hlf you bask them.”
YOUTH HU ONLY CRIME.
"Sirrah!" exclaimed tho solemn Fact
to the little Joke, “you are too /rosh.”
“Yes, I know,” humbly replied the
little Joke, “but this is the result of
my education. In our family, you
know, the only crime is to be stale, like
» Fact. Freshness is greatly prized. I
would be ever fresh."
“Away, iRght thing!” haughtily re
plied the solem Fact “You will out
grow it I onco was young myself, a
thousand years ago,”
And calmly adjusting his wig he
rubbed some burnt sork on his face and
sat down at the tamborino end, while
tho timid littlo Joke lingered around
on the sidewalk, wishing that he, too,
were old enough to join the minstrels.
Poor little Joke! He will loiter long
in tho bourgeois columns of many a
patent inside, and take aparttnents by
the year in many an almanao before
that fond hope shall grow Into bright
fruition.—Ro6 Burdette. •
Philosophizing on a Well-Spent Life.
“Do yon think that life is worth liv
ing?” I asked Mignot fire or six years
ago as a discussion was going on
around him on Schopenhauer,s theory
which M. Caro was then expounding at
tho Sorbonne, and, indeed, in the fash
ionable drawing-rooms where he spent
his evenings. The historian must have
been then not less than 83, and had
had an unusually wide experience of
life. His answer is worth recording.
“I was,” he said, “not born to fortune,
and have never been rich. Yet, if I
bad tho option of taking a fresh start
in life on the conditions under which I
sat outd should not hesitate to accept
the offer. I feel like a person who has
witnessed a great drama which is
drawing to its close, and who has done
his besr to understand it I have not
had a box ticket of my own, but I was
able to enter the best boxes, which be
tween tho acts is an advantage.
Human existence is fall of Interest to
me still. It greatly depends upon our
selves whether wo go through it in a
manner to be satisfied with it or other
wise. Tho German pessimist says the
mistake of nature lies in a universal
effort to arrive at consciousness. I
don’t seo tho harm of that state. The
mischief lies in trying to remain in the
nursery of sensation when we should
be putting away childish things.”—
London Truth.
Sixteen of the statues erected at the
Government's expense in different parts
of Washington have cost $660,000, and
it is probable that the Washington
monament, on which work is now pro-
gressibg, will add 11,000,000 to the to-
tal. Chief Justice Marshall’s bronze
statue, recently unveiled, cost $40,000;
Greenough’s Washington, at the front
of the Capitol, cost $43,000. and the two
statues facing it $24,000 each; the naval
monument, on Pennsylvania avenue,
$26,000; the statue of Freedom, on the
Capitol doaae, $23,000; the Emancipa
tion gronp, $17,000; Gen. McPherson’s
•tatna, $16,000; Admiral Farragut’s,
000; General Scott’s, $73,000; Gen.
$66,000; Andrew Jackson’s,
mooo; General Green.’* $60,000;
General Rawlins’, $10,000, and $60,000
for the equestrian statue of Washing
ton.
Concerning Shirt Fronts.
There exists no more Interesting sad
instructive spectacle for the stadent of
human nature than that of the shirt-
fronts round a dinner-table, shirt-
front is a phenomenon of infinite hum
or—full of expression in every part of
it, possessing vast potentialities of
achievement from the bottom of the
throat to the pit of the stomach. As is
the aspect of the shirt-front, such will
be the look impressed on the physi
ognomy of tho wearer. You no sooner
note the starched bnlginess projecting
half-a-dozen inches out of the line of
the perpendicular on the person of a
Unitarian, or catch a glimpse of the
limp linen at the side of the ehirt-fiont
which tho waist-coat ought to but oan
lair he grows as ab-
> sage who employed
bride as a tobacco-
Jiot conceal, than yon hare acquired a
clew to the character of that shirt-
front’s possessor. The central stud
may be all right, bat the general effect
is one of clnmsiness. You trace in
tellectual confusion and slowness in
each fold before you, and you know in-
’ stinctivoly that your opposite neighbor
is a born bungler. And nbw let os re
gard the matter subjectively—let ua,
that is, place ourselves in the position
of tho shirt-front wearer. How often is
he not agitated by tho consciousness
that the shirt-front which begin, like a
beautiful woman may end in. hideous
fish! Down to the central stud all is as
it should be. But as the meal pro-
isaes and he glances down his linen
e perceives to his horror a tendency
on Its part to disclose a fissure and to
reveal the under-garment, whatever its
hue, beneath. Henceforth there is an
end to all enjoyment Pellitur a con-
virio Icotitia omnia He can no longer
converse without constraint, his mind
wanders from tho topic of talk, he be
comes visibly distrait and palpably dis
gusted, and though he be seated beside
the fairest of tho fair he grows as ab-
sont-mlnded as the
the finger of his bri
■topper. Shirt fronts are the most
fickle and capricious of all articles, and
of all portions of articles, of male at
tire. Their behavior in many instanoes
is incalculable. The shirt-front which
conducts itself admirably one week is a
model of Ill-conditioned eccentricity the
next. It has been annoyed by the
washerwoman, and, with that illogical
injustice characteristic of shirt-fronts,
vents its disgust upon the paver of the
washerwoman’s bill. Or il\>cginstho
evening well and terminates it in a man
ner of which it ought to bo ashamed.
Perhaps the worst affliction which can
overtake a conscientious and well-
meaning Unitarian is the discovery that
without a single premonitory hint his
shirt-front has gone utterly and irre
trievably wrong. Tho under portion of
his solitaire has insolently shaken off its
Wioorings, defiantly refuse, to be
•beand by. ils buttonhole, and. meta
phorically speaking, launches out into
■pace. Who is not familiar with the
efforts this hardly-used Unitarian makes
to conoeal the horrible hiatus, or with
their futility? He scarcely dares to
look down. First he gives a little nerv
ous cough; then his hand wanders, as
if casually, to the middle of his chest
But neither wandering band nor nerv
ous cough can put that shirt-front right
again. It is a gone coon, and he will
as easily restore the solitaire to the
original eochet ae the soiled dove will
regain her virtue. He must accept the
blow of a severe destiny, and his best
hope must be that by maintaining hie
body at a proper angle, and by peri
odically smoothing his ruffled plumage
with a skillful hand, he may minimize
in some sort the appalling calamity
which has overtaken him.—London
World.
A dude is a 60 cent
0$ clothes.
in a $60 suit
An insurance man says the _ .
iat Nero fiddled wMle Rome wet hon
ing was that busineee woe probably
dull in Rome and Nero was heavily
neared.
A man’s brain weighs three and a
half pounds. A woman’s is somewhat
lighter, but of flnur qualtty. Thai Is
wnat enables her to taste lard in her
neighbor’s nsstrv
—'■'“gj"** * r ^ r * m —_—«
▲ mastodon's tooth weighing four
pounds has been found on e farm in
New York state. Wood* what mem
ber of Haverly’s minstrels bed a molar
extracted before leaving for Europe?
The OilCUy Blintard Is responsible
for the siafomeht tfaxt striiwbSiftei and
cream make girls “freckled and eanee
them to toe in.” They wQl toe into an
ice cream saloon all the ~
ton Glob*.
Owing to the crasy-quilt
society young men on small income
have been obliged to fall back on the
old black tie. It U too narrow for a
patch and too black to be attractive.—
Hartford Bod.-
A certain poetes is said to make
good jellies as well as good poetry.
It is suggested that she make a new
departure—send her jelliee to news
paper offices and can her poems.—
Norristown Herald.
A London Bank has issued an order
prohibiting the wearing of beards or
mustaches during business hours. It
must be very annoying for the clerks
to carry their beards in their pokets
all day. Thero are liable to get museed
up.
The fact that El Mahdi, the false
Prophet, sleep, during the day, and
transacts all . his business nt night,
ires rise to the suspicion that El must
ave been a night news editor before
ho went into the busineee of
ing his enemies.
“My dear," said the wife of the
editor of a weekly newspaper, “shall I
f ive a way those old troeeers that you
aven’t worn for two years, to some
poor, deserving tramp!”’ “No,”
wored the editor, “let tboee
hang just where there are. X may
■tart a daily paper some day and then
1 will need them sure.”
George Zeller stole a pair of shears ' ►
from the editorial room of a Philadel
phia newspaper, for which atrocious
crime he was sent to jail for three
months. If he had still further crip
pled the newspaper office by taking
the paste-pot, it is believed the editor
wonld have insisted upon a life sen
tence.
Flops, who has been lunching with
»JrhuuLju>QQ toogs’>gs: .
yon see Is of some tue in tale world,
even the frog.” Friend, who is dis
putatious: “I don’t agree with you.
Of what use is the mosquito to os?”
Fipps: “Ah, my dear fellow, you take
a wrong view of things. Just think
bow useful we are to the mosquito.”—
Boston Gazette.
The people in San Antonio are so
nervous that a law has been passed
forbidding steam whistles being blown -
in that city. How those people would
suffer if a oirousoaUlopesnoud happen
to escape and run wUd through the
streets, Why, (he people would Just
sit right down on the sidewalk sad
blent like a sacred calf, and if a Mil
waukee tug-boat whistle should happen
to be sprung upon them suddenw' It
would give them cramps.—BtcHs mm.
despatch-
The Champion Liar.
“Every time I look at the North
star,” said the nautical oop, it mats#
me feel pale. It is all on acooount of
a balloon experience I had in 1863.
You probably remember that mam
moth air-ehip built in Hong Kong to
take a trip across the Pacific. I was
there at tne time, and the owner of ths
balloon engaged me< at a salary of
$1,000 a week to accompany him in his
perilous voyage. It was a bright sum
mer morning, I remember, ana an open
lot on the outskirts of the town was
filled with 200,000 people to see ns
make the start. The aeronaut got Into
the car first, and I followed him With
two native servants, who carried our
provisions.
The signal was given to start and ths
ropes cut The immense bag of gas,
with its human freight, shot up into the
air like a rocket. In twelve minutes
we were 6,000 feet above the earth. In
twelve minutes more we had attained a
height of 10,000 feet. The revolution
of tho globe was then plainly percept
ible. At 8 o’clock in the evenu^
we had beaten nil previous records,
and were sailing through the clouds
at the frightful rate of sixty miliw.
The professor, who was black in ths
face but very enthusiastic, suddenly
announced his intention of attempting
to get beyond the attraction of gravita
tion. I at once demanded an increase
of salary, and ho saw the raise and
made it $1,600.
“All our ballast had been thrown
out, and, as the balloon bad ceased to
rise, it was necessary to make the car
lighter, so we pitched one of the ser
vants over the side, giving him a cook
book to read on his way down. Up
shot the balloon another mile. Then
it be tame stationary again, and the
fellow bad to be disposed of in the in
terest of science. I dropped him out
very carefully, because be was a very
nice man and genezoua to a fault. Up
and np went the bttloon, until wo had
reached an elevation of 118 miles.
“The professor saw that we were
about to stop again, and kindly aaked
me to step out and let him continne the
voyage alone. He refused, however,
ip fo
three days on my own book very satis
factorily.”
“Where did yon land after making
this terrible trip?” asked the —
“Believing that my salary was agon-
6ns one, I permitted the professor to
take his barometer along with
said the nantical oop.—
Record
‘^ $ g»
The Wash Inton _1__
at the rata of two flisi a
writes to
Burdette phUoeophiaaUv wr
young men: Do you be diligent in yout
own business and be content wifi III
iou may not wain so many
i days as FltagenU. but yon
great deal mors time; end
ot got to modi money Cor
rewards. Ton may not walk so
miles in six i‘
oan sleep a i
if yon do not get i
it neither do you get so many
On your little salary at the suspends*
counter, you cannot dean up $8001000
on Wall street this week. Bat
neither son you be cleaned out of 1
000 next week.y'
Senator Coke, of Texas,
markably powerful voioe,
said that when he was
pleuro-pneumonla bill
throttle-valve wide open
cotton in their
window sashes to keep them from
rattling and breaking the glass. At
the climax of his vodleraaons Coke
announced that he intended to
so that the whole ooontry
him; and then, as bepansedl
Beck remarked, “Guesa, i vriU,
Coke, if the’re not stone dm r-Neso
York Tribune.
It Is related as a
verity that two 1
of a Bostoc
cried in great
Mre. X., I dot
> I sold Ion* of i mart on
sheba Railroad bonds, and 1
of me I don’t know which,
one way or ths other Fta utterly bank
rupt" “Oh don’t take on so, my dear,
was the reply; “it’s just the same with
me on Camaralsamaa mining stocks,
bat I’m just going in and tell the dork
that I didn’t mean a word of what I
■aid yesterday, whatever It wan.**
“Oh, yon lore,” exclaimed the other,
rapturously; “what a head yon hare
for btuineen Why, your’s Jljgt Uks a
-n
man!”
ware In the
a blfncTntaa
Thei
Said Brown (seeing i
to enter): “Where you aware hoi
cate the touch of a blind meats?
nature deprives tts of
make amends by bringing the othe*
senses to extraordinary aentaneen
Let me illustrate by this gentmsan.
I’J take a sooop of mnr«M 1st
feel of it, and you see Sow<
tell what It in” 1
entered, he was pot to the sate. 1
put his ths
scoop, and
•That la sand.”
but the i
attemi
into
oiiimsaai