NUIMJUJ'S DU8UIC8H
V/riUem lair *65
McO??, Copyright, 1?I?.
GOOD AND "BAD NEWS FROM
FLAT ROCK
the wtrm has turned at last lu flat
rock mrs slim chance. Jr. bus left
her bed and hoard at her late home
und has took up beauty parlor work
In the county seat on her own. her
husband from this time oil, so she
says, will have to make his own llvring
by the sweat of his brow; she
says she newer expects to let her'n
sweat unity more for the bonuoflt of
the lazy scoundrel, she has had all
of the burdens since her murrlago
took place ou her shoulders
mrs. chance Is u blond herself and
will make a big hit lu unny beauty
parlor, she could of married holsuiu
moore, jr., instil of slim chauce, Jr.,
and would have doue a little better,
but not much, he coarted her for 3
years and then fell In love lu 2 weeks
with a stranger . . . who took him In.
she wus peddling something or 'nothor
In flat rock and dresBed excitingly
and thore's where he fell for her
wilds.
mrs. chance is a sort of settled woman
herself. she flirted little with
old sweethearts after she married
slim, but she newer did lot him ketch
her. she finally at last Quit; she had
to mind her chlldreu, and it Is hard
to flirt and covert with kids on yore
hands, as the old suylng goes. she
will not own the beauty parlor, and
will be u hired hand, sho has had her
hair and face treated so often she
knows all about the blzness.
slim do not aeoin to bo excited about
her departure, she took all of
her children but 3. her ma will help
to look after them, slim Is areddy
acting like a free lance. he looks
longer at a lady when she walks down
the street than he did befoar his wife
went away, be says sho told a falsehood;
he has hope ho to make a 11yvlng
all along, of coarse . . . since
he lost his job in 1932, he has not
benu able to got annythlng reggular
excopt fishing and loaferlng.
yores trulle,
miko lark, rfd,
staff reporter
AROUND THE TOWN
archie hall skinner went to Bleep In
his ford last night. It would not of
benn so bad If be had not benn driv-,
lug Ills ford when bo went to sleep |
U*U it of Uunu wUU. autl out luuilltlg
<*U ui p h . ho would of not had to go
to tho hospital had tho place whoro
hl? head struck twin *oh Instead lA a
ruck verry few alilchos would or
beau necessary to got It sowed back
up had his ford bona puld for the
roli ulong garrage would not of repossessed
It If he had bena sober no
rase would of bona lodged aguiiiHt
htin If he wan well now he would
bo la Jail Instead of la tho hoHpltul
an. holsuni inooro says that some of
lUuau lcy latioalgtH la congress would
keep us out of war If all of the wholo
united Htatoa had to go to hades to do
ho. whoa thoy talk about "keep out
of tho war," thoy mean?koep tho
dlinmorcratrt out of power, they don't
moan what thoy nay and thoy don't
say what thoy inoau. noboddy wants
war, ho he nays, but lota of times we
get something wo don't wunt and alu't
prepared to take It. mobbo wo had
better lot wlmloll wllkio settle this
<1 tiestIon. ho 1h a good deminercrat
la g o p. clothing.
tho quilting party which was hell In
the parsonage last frlday p.m. was a
howling HUckoHH. verry little quilting
was done but much howling took
place. mra holaum mooro declared |
that hitler ought to bo arrested, mrs.
art square says our mayor ain't fltton
to bo a tnayer If he can't keep tho
town pump In good tlx. mrs. torn
head says our poleesman aleepH on
his beet half of tho time, miss Jetjnlo
veevo smith claimed that tho scholl
teachers were being gradually starvod
to death ansoforth. and they went
home.
some local prognostlcatora are saying
regardless of who Is elecktod prossldent
that the w.p.a. and the f.h.a.
and farm relief an direct relief are on
the way out, but the r.f.c. will possibly
remain on the docket. It won't
be right from now on (tnebbe) to help
anyboddy that needs help unless they
or It ?re worth over a million dollars,
all of this inought bo for the best, if
we can get anything for what we produce
and get a chance to make a llvvlng
by working, wo all can get along,
yores trulle,
mike lark, rfd,
corry apondent.
A LINE OF NATIONAL POLITICS
mr. holsum moore says It makes
hif luff out loud to hear some of
our new hopeful republicans say that
"we want war Jet's stay out of war;
I we must not have war." mr. mooro
,
lava ha dlddant want" tha rmumv. I
tinn, and hla wife dlddont want the
typhoid fewer aud his eon John
diddent waul b)? heed wuuriy knocked
off by slim chance, Jr., but all of
these thinga taken place Just the
same. nohoddy wanta war, but aonte
times war Juat happens aud then
you've got it whether you want It or
not.
it la a big dost of modlaon for the
K o. p crowd to awallow the athuaou
and the knox appointments; they call
It pollutes, others call It common
sense, while still others say that It
wus done to get the u. a. Into war.
well, mebbe henry ford will get this
war stopped ere long, him and char- |
lie Undeubugg mought get up a peace 1
ship and stop the war like henry stopped
the other world war. all ho had
to, do was drive his ship up> to the
shore and say?"looky-here, t>lll kazer
you drop them guns aud quit fightlug,"
and believe it If you want to,
the klzer ended the war Juat like
heury told him.
there will be a right smart of pollltlcal
propper-gander in the 11. s.
from now till the election Is hell,
then It will die down, if mr. wilkle
beats the dlmmercratlc nominee, we
will accept him and go Nght ou, Just
as we are. If roaoy-velt or some other
good man is eleckted, we will go right
on us wo are and vlcy-versey. one
man Is as good as another for president,
so says mr. art square; If there's
anny difference, he's a blamed sight
better.
dr. hubbert green says that he believes
that mr. wilkle intends to
blltzkreig the dlmmercrats In a quick
drive towards big blzness and labor,
the dlmmercrats will swap htm one,
mr. Jhon I. lewis, for half Interest In
a soda cracker and throw In mX.
bridges to boot, labor will possibly
go with mr. wilkle up to within 2
weeks of the elecktlon and then it'
will turn to the feller that really and
trulie means to help it rather than
hog-tle It.
yores trulie,
mike lark,rfd.
corry spondent.
A mother's premonition saved the
life of William Samllow, 23, of New
York. Rushing up to a taxi driver,
Mrs. Samllow said: "I have a premonition
something Is terribly wrong
at home." She was sped to her home
and found her son lying on a couch.
Three jets of gas were open. The
mother and cab driver applied first
aid. The son lived.
L5 FE wiili ELSIE
A riny With The Purebred
Jersey "Personality Cow99
r TP before the milkman, and hoard
^ a ramora click (1) while I was
ttrotchlng In bod. Those shutterDugs
are ovorywhore. No privacy
it all. A gossip columnist had me
'infant ici pat Ing" in tho morning
">aper. A celebrity can't even chew
tor cud in poaco nowadays. I?et's
?eo, today I leave for Hollywood to
ict in the movies. I'm the cow Kay
Praneis is going to milk In I>ouisa
Mcott's "Little Men" with Jack
Jakto and Hi.ulrs WInninger Wonior
if I'll find a four leaf clover in
aiy breakf.rst hay?
(2i Say. w hat's this? A now secroary"
W. 11 d ;st my dewlap' Pretty,
sn't she? What's yonr name* I
Vera." oh" Leal me n.y part In
the THo\ ie Vera. Whits my st.ice
name" O. yes "P.ut t roup" * \
Mm m mm. Three times tho\'\>changed
my name in my
years. Over at the American J.-r
soy Cattle Club they have m?? rf.r;a.
torod as "You'll Do Ixvbelia1 h it s
rny f tthor's and niothe-s family
nann-s put together Them when
rho i'.nr len people took me to the
New York World's Fair to live In
this bovine boudoir, so that city
folks could see what a cow looks
like, everybody started calling me
"Elsie." So now It's "Buttercup."
O. well, by any udder name my
nulk would be Just as creamy.
(3) Take a letter to my fans.
Vera. Put it on that new letterhead
j paper with my picture at the top,
and always address them by their
first names?nice and intimate, you
know. "Dear So-and-So: Thank you
for your note asking for my autograph.
That Isn't a smudge at the
bottom of this picture. It's "my
autograph ?my muzzleprint. My ancestors
came here six generations
! ago, from the Island of Jersey in
[the English Channel, and there
are thousands of my relatives In
America now, but we all have
, d.ff.-rent muzzleprints. Just like
your fingerprints are different from
any o'her person's. Moping that
I you .aro drinking lots of milk and.
I w|th love from moo to you. T am.
! Very truly yours, Elsie (nee You'll
| I)o Lobelia)." Type that off and
let's see what you've got, Vera.
(4) Gob to hoof along, now. I'm
the guest star nt a war relief fund
charity bazaar this afternon. Why,
whisk my withers, there's I^ee
Boyce. my old boss up at Elm Hill
Farm in Brookfleld, Mass., where
I was horn. Hollo, Mr. Boyce! How
are things hack home? Please tell
the other cows that all this publicity
hasn't turned my head a bit.
I can still fill up the milk pa. 11 twice
a day. Just stick around 'til I
finish this alfalfa salad, and see
me do It. A little closer with that
feed bucket, please. Say, if you see
that husband of mine, tell him
I'll write from Hollywood. 'Bye,
now! See you in the movies.
Editor's Xote ? Elsie's current
husband it Xorman of Oaklan/ls.
purebred Jersey sire whose arent
aunt, Brampton Basilua, trill be remembered
(IS the rote that )>rad tired
1.1/3 pounds of butferfat (n,o>\ t) an
her own body weight) in a
and bv that feat bream-' i Md.fi/
knotcn as "The Cow that Jumped
Over the Moon."
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