The Camden chronicle. (Camden, S.C.) 1888-1981, December 22, 1916, Image 6
Adulterations
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ChristmasDinner
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by George VHokart
SAY I did you ever get reckleaa
and give it Chrlstmus dinner to
uu assorted collection of petri
fied relation* ?
Tuke it from me, dodging benzine
frugglea on &he boulevard Ih sleepy
work iri comparison.
Friend wife concluded it wan up to
?8 to squeeze a few uncle* and aunts
Into our 1 t?y 4 dining room and throw
turkey wings at them, ho I coaxed
my nervous system to behave and told
Peaches to cut loose.
She sat down and Invited Uncle Pe
ter Gr.iut and Aunt Martha, Uncle
Gregory Smith and Anut Hosslo. Then
the went In, took another look at
tlte dining room ami stopped.
I Invited Hud Ilawley, his wife Sybil,
nnd Hep Hardy, and explained to them
that we would all have to Kit edge-on
nt the table nnd get our meat cut In
the kitchen, ho as to avoid hitting
each other on the funny bone, and It
wan so ordered.
Hep arrived early. He always docs.
He generally breezes in with the In
formation that four pages of tango
music are waiting for him In some
hoof palace, and he bus to hurry away,
but on this occasion he concluded to
nee the tight to a finish.
Then the other members of our din
ner party began arriving and the nuid
revel was on.
Uncle Peter brought n friend ? tho
famous food expert, Doctor Smother
Joy.
The doctor is u high card with Uncle
Peter.
He Is ono of those old ginks with
beady eyes and a licei^s? to hunt for
germs, and everything he eats has
first to give the countersign and then
go through a written examination.
Uncle Peter believes every word
that leaves I)oc Smotherjoy's face, but
for my part I think he's an old Cam
etubert.
At any rate, no sooner were we seat
ed at the table than Doc parted his
whiskers carefully, coughed to attract
attention, then picked up a little-neck
clam on the end of his fork and pro
ceeded to give It the third dcgiee.
"The adulteration of foods tufs these
days Is being carried on to an extent
worse than criminal," the old bluff be
gun solemnly. "Ah, even here 1 see
traces of sally-sllllc acid with borax
phosphos even here on this clam."
"Put a little tabascos or. It and Cut
loose," suggested Hud Hawley.
"Have a lemon," said Hep. "Squeeze
it over the clams and make u wish."
Uncle Peter listened with marked at
teiHlon, while Uncle Gregory glanced
at his clams and shuddered.
The doctor ate his unconcernedly.
When tbe soup came on the Doc
lift ad a spoonful thoughtfully, then
sloshed it slowly back Into his piste,
while the tiro unldes ay?d him ner
vously.
_ -It'# buiiyen," whlaperei Uode Pe
ter. anxious to prove the soup'* in*
aocence.
"Here." said the doctor, examining
hi? spoonful critically, "here are
trace# of hydrophosphates and ahout
ten per cent philharmonic ld<LN
"I never aat soup," gurgled Uncle
Greg, "because it's a waste of good
?pace."
The doctor sold nothing mora, but
quietly surrounded his soup.
When the fish was served the doc
tor danced over his plate with his fork
and said. "Hydrostatic acid with here
uud there symptoms of manganese
germs end a few sulphide microbes."
Uncle Gregory pushed his plute buck
with a sigh that was pitiful to hear.
Peaches was now so nervous that
her hands were dolug a shaker dust,
and there was a big pink spot on
each cheek.
The others at lbs table, with the
exception of nervous old Uncle Greg
ory, paid not the slightest sttentlou to
Doctor Busy face.
Even Uncle Peter threw away his
germ feur after the clam episode, and
took u long chance with everything
from Houp to nuts.
Next we had Home turkey with
mashed potatoes, greeu peas ami
uspurugus tips.
When Undo Gregory saw all this
hl? face broke out In u smile, and we
could see his appetite roll up its
sleeves.
"In this," the doctor began again,
holding up a turkey wing on his fork,
"In this Wo havp u cold-storago tur
key which has been treated with ox
alic acid and chloride of potassium
to keep it In a shivering state."
"1'nrdon me, doctor," exclaimed
Peaches indignantly, "but It Isn't a
cold-storage turkey, because It was
sent me As a present by some friends
on Long Island only this morning."
"Possibly," went on Caterpillar
Charlie, "possibly my hurried diagnosis
was at fault, but wo can never be sure
about these things, because here, on
the elbow of the wing, I tlnd traces of
callsthenlc acid over the membranes."
"No, thank you," said Uncle Greg
ory, "I never eat turkey, It gives me
the heartburn." And the poor old
guy struck such a note of hunger that
I wanted to throw that doctor out of
the window.
Ily this time several others at the
table were becoming more of less Im
pressed, and the dinner party was be
ginning to assume the cheerful as
pect of a meeting of martyrs an hour
before the arena opened.
"Please pass uiu some mashed po
tatoes," whispered Uncle Gregory
after the pangs of hunger had beaten
hi in to the ropes.
"Here wo tlnd," croaked the doc
tor, raising a forkful of mashed po
tatoes. "here we tlnd one of the most
evil effects of food adulteration. This
potato was grown 'n the fall of the
year 1881), but It has been washed In
alum water to give It the appearance
of being modern, while Its eyes have
been treated with belladonna to make
them bright and snappy."
Uncle Gregory groaned pathetically,
and the rest of us, out of politeness,
tried to look interested, but only suc
ceeded In looking seasick.
When the ice cream and cake were
brought on Doctor Smotherjoy drove
his spoon down deep Into the choco
late and vanilla mixed and said,
"Here Is a pitiful Illustration of what
dishonest tradesmen will do for
money. Here we llnd that some of
A Victroia to/ her Christmas
I
YiCtro!* XI. 1100
i? ihuwn here
?is easy on your pocketbook
and a new joy in her life
Is there anything in the world that can bring her
half as much pleasure as the Victrola, '.'instrument of
the worlds greatest artists? " Its music is a never
ending source of inspiration, and a never-boring source
of entertainment.
Its singers are the greatest in the world, its instru
mentalists the foremost, its comedians the funniest, its
bands the most famous.
And it is such a simple, convenient matter to get
a Victrola from us that every home can afford one.
Our terms make a Victrola the easiest thing you can
get for Christmas. Victrolas $15 to $400.
Camden Furniture Co.
Phone 156
Uiie lev crvan'wv |wU originally,
but tt wits trfntod wltb fthlliue dye to
flv# U fuia cbocolute effect, and thru
bulled Un the ?uo to deceive the ej <?
On the other hand, we Cod till* vu*
bllla wuh originally dark aud forbid
dlujr. but It haa Iutii treated with per
oxide of hydrogen to Intake It wore of
a blond#/*
"I'nrdon oie, doctor,' snapped
Peachea, her teeth chattering with ner
vouancaa. "but thin Ice cream wiih
made In our kitchen by our own cook,
"The Next Time You Give a Dinner
Party Cut Out That Bug Doctor."
with first-class cream, and wo never !
luive any but homemade Ice cream, ho j
tnere !"
"Ah," 8nlfi the doctor, "then in that(
case it must be traces of thanatopsls.
which I see, aud tho evidence is con j
elusive that a great deal of artificial
frappe has been used, nevertheless.' !
"No, thank you," said Uncle Greg- j
ory, "I never eat ice creain because
it goes to my head and makes me cold j
to my friends."
"Take this coffee, tot instance,"
chortled the doctor, Juggling a spoon
ful with the left hand and four lumps
of sugar with tho right. "Herein
you will find copper salts, iodide of
chicory, a four per cent solution of
gladiolus, together with about a six
teenth of a grain ol' mocha to the cup
ful."
"No, thank you," gasped Uncle
Gregory; "I never drink coffee; It
gives me the hiccups."
After tho dinner was over, Uncle
Gregory took me outside and whis
pered: "John, for the love of a
blissful heaven, the next time you give j
a dinner party cut out that -bug doc- ?
for, or let me wvur ear muffs!"
Peaches hasn't spoken a sensible !
word since that bitter evenh.g
Can you blame her?
(Copyright. 1A16, by tho McClure Newspa- i
per Syndicate.)
Keeping Alive by Means of the Dead
An ofllcer, relating some incidents
of war in connection with the task
which the Canadians had to carry out
on ground previously held by Austra
lians, states that the Canadians had
been there nine days when they found
In a shell hole, far ahead of where the
front line had been, throe Australians,
two wounded and one unhurt.
The three had pushed out by them
selves into enemy country, when they
were caught by shell fire, and two
were wounded. The third dragged
them Into the shell hole, and sat there
with them. To come out in daylight
was impossible, so all day he sat
there, and looked after the other two,
and at night he sallied forth, and got
water bottles and rations from the
German dead which lay around.
And thus he had kept bis two pals
alive. One of the two wounded is do
ing well, bot the other's wound has,
unfortunately, become septic.
Hard to Keep Cider Sweet.
It Is very dlfllcult to keep cider
sweet for any length of time without
the use of preservatives and special
treatment. Preservatives are not per
mitted under the federal and state
pure-food laws. Sweet cider may be
filtered, boiled and bottled in a man
ner similar to that used when can- j
nlng fruits, then it will remain sweet;
that is, no fermentation will take
place for several weeks. It is desir
able even then that It be stored in ?
cool, dark place. This is somewhat
expensive and is seldom done, espe
cially if the cider is to be sold on a
small scale. ? Dr. Charles K. Francis,
chemist, experiment station, Okla
homa A. and M. college, Stillwater.
"Daylight Saving" Works Well.
"Daylight snvlng" was a success In
Austria-Hungary, reports United States
Consul General Albert Ilnlstead from
Vienna. Commenting on the results of
the "daylight saving" experiment,
which began April 30 and finished Sep
tember 80 last, he says that It proved
most beneficial to the health of the
Viennese due to the extra sunlight In
working hours, and also did much to
save expense for lighting. It is cal
culnted, he reports, that In Vienna
nlone the .people consumed 1 r>S,000,000
cubic feet of gas less and saved $142,
000. The city of Vienna required 14,
000,000 cubic feet of gas less for street
liRhtiiipr.
Cocoa From the Enemy's Country.
v A oiinri) of 400 tons of cocoa re
cently arrived In London from the
former German colony of Cameroon*.
Before the war Jjjgp, colony was Ger
many's chief cocoa-produeinR colony,
and ^ro^i Cameroon* and Togoland
she derived somstfeing like 4,000 tool
a year.
ALL LOOK ALIKE TO US
?._^_mas ivion
F EVERYBODY'S STORE
This is the name we have earned for Christmas shop
and for all seasons of the year.
WHY?
'
Because thU is in reality everybody*# ?tor*. You recaiv* just as careful tr
here if you make only a penny purchase as if you had bought a thousand
wnrth. ? K&Bk
The banker's money looks no better to us than that of the poorest man *
Come and let us prove this to you. ..You will find our holiday goods qf th k
the prices the lowest. "? ?
BARUCH-NETTLES 0
CHARTING THE GREAT LAKES, j
Undo Sam Has a Steady Job In These >
Porilous Waters.
Summer lifter summer t lit* fleet of
the. lake purvey sails the broad ex
pause of the Hve lakes and ^ie score
uf hays and Inlets searching for dan
ger spots that may elaiin their heavy
'nil of human life ami vessel tonnage.
Siuee 1841 the I'nited States govern
uient has hoen silently carrying on |
this work, a herculean tight against
the Jagged reef and the unseen shoal
that menace navigation Sounding
lines have t>een plunged Into b'ack
depths of Of), 000 square miles of water,
and Ktill today there are areas that
have not been charted in which pass
lug harks may founder
Probably no frequented waterways !
In the world are so hazardous as the
great lakes. At no time Is a steam j
or on TftcnrTiifire Than a comparative
Iv few hours from shore and period- 1
ieallv fierce storms arise, fully as
vlo'ent H.i those experienced on the
o''oan. which plav with the steel ships, i
Mattering them helplessly about, threat
?Til n/? to engulf or sweep them ashore
Over $.">.000,000 has been spent bv
i!ie government sine*4 1S41 f<>r the
prosecution of the work of charting
the lakes. Locked i:i heavy timbered
boxes, protected from tire in immense
vaults in the old postoflioe Ixiildimr. I )e
trolt. are over l..'U>t) field chnrts. dating
back to isi.s. when a survey of Lake
Krle was made by otTlcers of the Hrit
lf?h navy wu}? f ???,-,? caCpp tions the
maps are the result of the scientific re
searches of I'nited States oflicerH and
surveyors.? New York Sun.
Some People Nevor Satisfied.
We lived for awhile in a Korean
home. eating Korean rice, plcklcs and
seaweed, padding about in stocking
feet, sitting on our heels in lieu of
chairs, sleeping on stone floors with
our heads resting (?) on the customary
pine blocks which the Koreans much
prefer to pillows. But we had these
experiences only when we deliberately
sought them. The orient la the orient
de luxe to those who wish It so.? Chris
tian Ilcrald.
RAGAMUFFIN ABYSSINIA.
Its Despotic Rulors Descend From
Menolik, Son of Solomon. ; '
Abyssinia is tl?e Ethiopia of the
Bible, iiiid it is almost unchanged since
the birth of civilization. The Hn6 of
despots that rule Abyssinia today nre
(he lineal descendants of Menelik, the
son of the queen of Shcha and King
Selomon. They seem to have inherited
very little of the well known wisdom
of their famous sire, however, for
Abyssinia is today the unregenerate
ragamuffin among nations? and also
the picturesque remnant of the world's
oldest civilization.
For Abyssinia, surrounded by trop
ica 1 wildemoss and without a seaport.
Is n country apart from the modern
world? a country of turbaned and san
daled men, cf veiled women wearing
silver anklets, Of mighty "hunters who
still take their game with leopards and
hawks as in Biblical days: a land
where gentlemen live by plunder and j
monks by alms and a man has as many j
wives as he can buy or steal.
Abyssinia Is a fortress of antiquity
defying the world by Its sheer physical
impenetrability. But a few degrees
from the equator, it is a great mass of
Igneus mountain ranges flung down
upon M n oplr-al plain. Lower Abyssinia
is burning desert and fever ridden Jun
gle. The interior is healthy upland cut
by great gorges, many of which are
wholly impassable. In the midst of
i his uiMiouoyu ju Lake Tsans, fcrty
soven miles loiig and more than 5,000
feet above sea level. It is the sou-ce
of the Blue Nile.? Exchange.
Electricity In the White House.
The White House is said to have the
most Intricate and complete electrical
system installed in any building in this
country. There are In the mansion
nearly 170 miles of wires providing for
3,000 Incandescent lights, a bell system,
a private telephone system for the
president and his family exclusively,
burglar alarms, Are alarms and a pow
er system which supplies current to
ventilating fans and an automatic ele
vator.
Origin of an Old I
Mhi\y think that tltyaaj
thicker tliun water" ori,
Commoilore Tatnall 6f
States navy, who (isolated tbel
in ttie Chinese wuters, and, !
imtch to his government, jti
interference by Quoting the .
is, however, an old English
and is to be found in Ray's
of English Proverbs," pqbli
Waiter Scott, too,. make*
moot say : "Weeli 'blaid'a
wnt or.' She's welcome to the i
and the hams, just the
delphia Press.
..... ~~
An Offensive Cravat
A man once called upon WUfl
with a letter of introduction, ji
amusing scene followed artong
f act that tbo visitor waa wwufl
red necktie. Whistler declared
terfered with the color schema
room and "put hlra off" a pktori|
was painting in qnite a different
Finally he obliged him to.tal(eoC|
offending cravat before ha would
anot^rword
him. ; ,
Faulty In His Diagnotit
Mrs. Malaprop ? Young 8harp
have to apologize to me befort I spj
to him again. *ri:
Miss Interest? Did he insult yoeTJ
Mrs. Malaprop-Did he? Tie
time I met him I to'd him that njl
clo baa locomotor ataxia, and be ai
me if he whistled at crossiwp.-ftJ
Stories. . ... " .
Rather Demoralising.
"Are you still thinking a'boot bflj
a motorcar?"
"Yes. It doesn't coat nw anytMn
think about buying one." _j
"Don't you fool jo^walt Wta
man gets an Idea like that hrt (
to neglect hi? business.'? 8t a
Post-Dispatch.
. ' ?
8tono Wall.
Novice? Why do they ciD it 1l
street? Txiser? Bump np agalmtttfl
?ii flnd flit-New Tork^lM
Christmas
We have at our store the prettiest i
? a. 0- r .* ' ** ? *
? ' ' Jmfis?indy to be found in
We want you to call and see it, for
know you'll buy,
-SnL-.-''
f '--?"T * *
CI
*4m.
Jacob's
"Made Last
Clyburn Drug
m
? -rr_'
?81
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