The Camden chronicle. (Camden, S.C.) 1888-1981, January 23, 1914, Image 6
Telephones
on Farms
' ' -V ' " ' ' - ? ' - *?* v' ' .-"T ? i . . . . ' '? ? ' ?? ?' ? '
50c per Month and Up
%
If there is no telephone on your
farm write for our free booklet
telling how you may get service at
small cost.
Adtlrctt
FARMERS' LINE DEPARTMENT
SOUTHERN BELL TELEPHONE
AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY
PRVOR STREET
ATLANTA, OA.
A SPECIALTY IN WHICH
WE EXCEL,
Is the Dying of Slippers and Hose
in Colors to harmonize with Gowns or Customer's
Samples. Satin Slippers and Silk Hose give best re
sults. We have special facilities also for cleaning and
refinishing.
FOOTER'S DYE WORKS
CUMBERLAND, Md.
. America's Greatest, Best and Moat Complete Cleaning and Dying
Establishment.
TO THE PUBLIC
I am still in the Drayage business and solicit
your work. All orders for Coal and Wood
you will kindly give to The Camden Fuel
Co., as 1 have sold that part of my business.
J. B. ZEMP
<o
ITY PROPERTY
FOR SALE
I have listed with me the well-known Eve prop
erty, located in the heart of the business section of
Camden, on corner of Broad and DeKalb Streets.
This is the most desirable location in Camden for
n store or hotel site and can be bought at a reason
able figure.
_ See Me at Once.
L. C. SHAW
REAL ESTATE AGENT
Q. HOPE LECTURES
Mr. Jones Talks to Peachtrec
Fclk3 on Suffrage.
SHOWS UP THE MALE SEX
y * v ?
frrlval of Diatinguifhed Spoa'<u
Somewhat Sudden, but Provident
Spare* Him to Expoee the Frailt'e
of Hie Fellow Man,
By M. QUAD.
(Copyright. 1913. by A??oelat?<1 Literal*
IVphb. |
MY Friend* of P^pehtree On
ut'iH Two hourw ago t lie.'
were iinivv doubt a hh i?
Whether I could make my m
pea ranee before you this evening ?
not. I wmm comfortably Heated on Hi
buffer of a freight car that was rollln
along with othera at the rate of elgh
eeu mllea mii hour and wan drinking I
tlu* pl<turea<|ue acenery and thwikln'
Providence that I waa still alive wb**i
a gr?*at big husky hrakeman auddenl
appeared before me, and without gl v
lug me time to call a taxi Or put u
any sort of argument he took me I),
the neck and dropped me Into th
ro.idwlde ditch.
I struck Mil pnrta of the ditch at on<?
I bounced. I bounded. 1 cavortni
I rolled and toaxed and tumbled. but
was neither killed outright nor fata! I, *
Injured. Providence apared me thai
might Htand before you thia evening.
Let me begin my remark* on the suf
fragette movement by asking you vvh
Five waa. I anawer that from the bes
data I have been able to pick up sip
waa the tlrat woman to appear In tbb
world. After wandering around b*
herself for awhile ahe came acros
Adam. It aeemed to her that a pull
nerahlp would be a good thing, but h
waa no aooner made than Adam turn.M
upon her and yelled:
"Now. you get along to your work
nnd don't waate any time about It
either!"
Beginning of Slavery.
My friends, that waa the heglnniiu
of the alavery of the female aex. I c
atead of picking up a club and ruisln,
a bump on Adam'a head. MIsk I?v(
curled down and became as humble u
m rat She was to blame for all thn.
women have had to suffer at the hand."
of the tyrant man since that date.
Adam couldn't have made that bluf
trood with a Mra. Pnnkhurst. but In
happened to get hold of n little woinai
who didn't want a acnip, and ao she
knuckled, The next man followed li s
example, and Ills wife also knuckled,
and by and by the thing became 11
system and was treated as a matter el
course.
There hah neveV been a time aihfc
the (bf.Vs of Adam that woman, given
tin" an me opportunities, would not hate
been t he equal of man In everything
hut mdscle Mere and there and uoa
and then there was a woman that
?ouldn't be bluffed and kept dowii
The.v kicked their way to the top. nir'l
they stayed there and were heard ol'
About a year ago I went into a .junk
shop to look for a hoe. and the junk
man called my attention to an old tl i
I 8TKUCK ALL. ??a::TH OP TIIK DITCH AT
ONCK."
box full of ancient parchments. I pale!
him a dollar for box ami contents, ami
1 surely ^<>t a great prize.
Women the Poets.
I have learned from those pnrch
incuts that way back r>.(HM) years u>r<
the women wrote all the poetry. am
it was good poetry at that
While the men were fooling nroum
with politics women Invented the slap
Jack
While the men were trying to ligur<
out where^the sun went to when it dis
appears! behind Snyder's hill t he wont
en invented breakfast hash.
WhPe the men were off to w:ir. kill
iiii.* ca? h other for very thin glory. tin
women were inventing soft soap am'
maUim: the first rag carpets.
There wasn't ?n KgvpMan or Persian
ruler that didn't have a wife fu'iy a
smart as tie was lie sought t ? > hob1
tier down by threats, but she broke on
here and there and let history record ii
It w :t s an I'iryptia n woman 1'i. t firs
broa?hed the idea that the word ffil>
Hat. 1 1 er old man boxed her e.-trs f<?>
if ?trd tr'nd to steal the paten*, bn
hist ?r> h;is placed the credit w here i
belongs
Old Nenoption discovered that whe
the too.. n la\ on her back v\ e w i*re n
for a drv time of it for a week or two
but while he was hunting around t ti*
city hall and asking folks to believe te
wan a great man his wife went nt ?
*n<l Invented the No ?*>?
bti over cMrwl tm cent* worth wheth
er the moon lay >n l?**r - back or atom
noli. but JuhI C titnk what Hint find hot'
ton ho!# meant to mankind! We run do
without our poets. and statesmen. hut
we can't >ipare u single buttonhole!'
A Great Qootl* Hunt?r,
Xerxes dls< o\ vihI aitd cabuojfited and
gave lo lite world se\eliteeli different
kind* of beetle* and winded a UM?UU*
inent so bad Unit lie paid ti II the coat
of li Was lil* *v|fe asleep while he
was beetle hunting V Not much. Hhe
Juki went ?t if and invented the coffee
mill and benefited mankind a hundred
time* more than the beetle hilHllietftf.
Vou rM n liuuglbe what would happen
If we all had lo gel op In tfte morning
and |?onud the breakfast," euffe<e In a
rag!
You Odd nothing In history about
Mrs. Diogenes. The old man and Ids
tub and IiIh phlloHopli.v are given lull
swing. and she Isn't In It at all. Don't
forget. however, that there was a Mr v.
Dlog. and that she got off a bit of
philosophy (hut beat anything of Ida
nil hollow. It WUh. "No meat no eat,"
and referred to the o|<| man's la/lnes*.
And while lie was lolling around lu his
tub she kock at It and Invents (lie boot*
Jink. which Is worth $."><).< ion per year
to the farmers of New Hampshire
a lone
We know that Mierexlit Horgla pois
oned a number of people, most of whom
ought to have been hung anyway.
Why did she do It V llecauw she wmiiI
?'d to rise and be Homebody, and tlx*
world was agin her. I have a I ways
.felt a large measure of sympathy for
her.
Cato a Good 8ort.
Oato. according to history, was a
mighty good fellow, He^went around
elbowing folks off the sidewalk and
living a life of bluff [Ie had gab and
Cheek and he made the most of them.
Did he aroompiNh anything to make
tiie world remember him ten years aft
er lie had turned up his toes?
On the contrary, while lie wan wport
lng his bluff his wife brought out the
Johnnyeake and the clothespin that
straddles the clothesline. Those two
Inventions almost built up the world
They were old when they landed witt
the pilgrim fathers, but they took right
hold and helped to make America what
she Is today.
And who discovered pumpkin pie?
Was It Pla to V
Was it Romulus?
Was It one of the Caesars?
Was It Nero?
Not on your life! While these bluff
ers were making history, or thought
they were, a little widow named Smith,
who didn't pretend to be any great
shakes, goes at it and Invents the
pumpkin pie and modestly asks some'
one to try the -flavor
Kings Jumped for it.
Queens cried for it.
Emperors offered to take the whole
stock at I ft cents a pie.
At least one empress committed sui
cide because there was no pie In the
house for her when she came In from
hunting the wild roebuck
Pumpkin pie jumped the world a
hundred years ahead In a month. It
hurled tyrants from their thrones
It brought pence to warring nations.
It raised th?~iiioral status of the
world HO per cent
And then, when the old crop of male
bluffers had passed in their checks and
a new crop was beginning to swagger,
came? What? The woman again!
This time she came with apple sass.
and she knocked the legs from under
statesmen and heroes until they fell
by the hundreds. Her apple sass called
their every bluff. And then came the
hasty pudding and the gingerbread,
and where was man!
Tyrant In Last Ditch,
I say to the seven women In this au
dience. you have driven the tyrant
man to his last ditch, lie is squirm
ing and kicking and hollering. lie Is
putting up a great bluff-. Stand up to
him! Get what yon demand.
It has taken your sex thousands of
years to reach the |x>int you have, and
yon -must not weaken at the last. I
notice that the old man with one eye
Is very uneasy. If he desires to ask
any questions he can do so"
"I'd like to ask." said the old man
as he arose, "who is goln' to do the
housework If the women rote?"
"You are a farmer. 1 take It?"
" ' ii re
"Well, do you have to give up your
farm hem use yon go to th& polls once
a year for an hour?"
"Why. I thought they was going to
vote every few minutes! All right -all
right. Mv wife has been dead "leven
years, and women votln* can't skeer
me a durn rent's wuth! In sp^akln* of
what women have done you might
have mentioned that <Meopatry was
the one who diskivnrcd catnip tea. hut
helm; you didn't, and heln' it's after I)
o'clock, mebhe I'd better ? hop It off aud
slide alone t<? the next metropolis!"
And Q Hope slid.
A Hint From Mother.
"TTer father told me that he would
rather see his daughter In her cotllu
than married to me."
"And what does her mother sny?"
"She says she never nets anything
from him without teasing for It." ?
Chicago Record Herald.
Sure Sign.
?'My wl fo will know I drank too
much at Hrc banquet.""
? Why. you are wjilklne straight
?nouuh
"Hut look nt the bum umbrella I
picked out."? Pittsburgh Post
Sure. j
flabe-- WhY do they say that the
gh<>?t walk* on pay day?
Steve ? Because flint's the day onr !
spirit* rise ? Oncinnat 1 Knqulrer
of the above from any
insuraace company we
represent ? so if you in
sure thru us and suffer
a fire loss you are cer
tain to escape all those
exasperating* Pe*t^ de
lays and squibt?)es that
are associated by most
people with insurance
claims. Prompt payment of losses - fair and quitable
methods and the best of real security characterize our
companies.
WILLIAMS INSURANCE & REALTY COMPANY
(Incorporated. )
1012 Broad Street Camden, South Carolina
YOUR CHA
to make a safe and profit
able investment is at hand
- -t " ? ?' ,iv
' ? .
rV: - ? ??*'
Ih. Wateree Building & Loan Assn.
Will issue its fourth series next tnonth. The time ip getting
close at hand. -Shares $1.00 each per month. ,Put aside a few
dollars TO GET A HOME while the chance is up to you.. "
This is no '"hit or miss" game you play at ? it makes a hit
every time. Ask any of the hundreds of people who have tak
en stock in the Building and Loan Associations if they have ever
had reasons to regret it. c
NOW
is Your Time
to Subscribe
for as many shares of stock as you wish. One (1,000) shares
will be sold. Six hundred and sixty-six (06G) of these have al
ready been taken, and the subscription list is less than a
week old. Call at The
The First National Bank
and subscribe for the stock, Mr. John T. Mackey, Secretary and
Treasurer, or subscribe to the list Mr. W. It. Hough has when .
he calls upon* you.
Camden Steam Bakery
* '*
MANUFACTURER OF '?'/?
better bread
- : V" ? !'
New Every Morning Fresh Every Evening
'
tfe
'? *V .
Ask Your Grocer or Phone Us for Better Brei*a
Camden Steam Bakery
A. J. BEATTIE, Proprietor
;
TELEPHONE 49 CAMDEN, S. C.
Start Your Early Garden Now
F resh Seed in stock always ? every month in the year. ?
P eas will arrive this week and Seed Potatoes about
F ebruary 1 st. Our stock of Seeds is large, and we ex
pect to he able to supply all your wants in this line. V *;
FLOWER SEED ALSO. '
W. ROBIN ZEMP'S DRUG STORE
TELEPHONE NUMBER 30