The Camden chronicle. (Camden, S.C.) 1888-1981, December 25, 1913, Image 7
Y<u Will Miss lit
jf y? don't give
is chance to
-juo you prices
on iigh-Grade
HEVY groceries, corn,
OAS, HULLS, FLOUR AND
SEP OATS.
If you keep a horse get
a sack of Arab. If you
want more milk and butter
try Larro Cow Feed
5RINGS & SHANNON
Camden, S. ?7
TO THE.
* tmas Trade:
CALL AT CAMDEN CANDY
KITCHEN AND BUY YOUR
Candies, Nuts, Raisins,
, Lettuce, Tomatoes and
ornia Cranberries.
Received Lowney's Xmas Boxes Candy
IfeMDEN CANDY KITCHEN
We Pay Highest Cash Prices for
p* n*
E&ft'le your profits away - ship direct to us by express and get your
mgheyt day. We pay highest prices for green and dry hides of all kinds
B^ewi allow and old Metals, old Rubber and Furs. Try us with a ship-,
rnent r Send for Price List.
? CAROLINA HIDE & JUNK CO.
CHARLESTON, S. C. -
Your Bath Room
Complete ?
P elain tub does not make a bath room. It
thmall devices that gives each member of
nily an allotted place for his or her pos
*is. We have received and are now show
assortment of
B \N-O-LA BATH ROOM
FIXTURES
'thing that is extraordinary in bath room
?hent. In this line we show many articles
to make a bath room complete. In this
?ient you can find anything you need for
th room, and all
LASTING CHRISTMAS
PRESENTS
one -Pearce
HARDWARE
CO.
BOWSER'S LUNG.
Tries Bicycle Riding as Cure For
Consumption.
. ?* ? .I. ? *
HIS LEGS ARE TOO SHORTJ
? ? ? ? !
t ??' ' ' A
4
Catastrophe Follows Advice of Ur ? ,
Kane, a "Specialist," Who Arouses ,
Mri, B.'s Sarcasm ? Her Hufband
Sleeps, After Threatening Divorce.
Uy M. QUAD.
[Copyright, 1913. by Associated I?lterury
I'K'M I ?
A I? 3 o'clock 1 ho otlu>r afternoon
Mrs. Uowkim' happened to look
I out of a front, window uud w??
greatly surprised to h?o Idm
talking with a man,
Ah they talked Mr. Bowser carried
his hand to his h'ft breast
Ah tln?y talked hoiiio more (ho man
lightly thumped Mr. Bowser on the left
breast.
Then Mr. Bowser nodded.
Then the man nodded.
Then Mr. Bowser entered the house.
"Well, what Is It this time?" asked
Mrs. Bowser, as she met him In the
bail.
"Nothing much." he replied, though
ho bud a serious look on ills face.
"But you are home three hours ahead
of time."
"Yes."
"And you are looking very solemn."
"Yes."
"And 1 want to know what it's all
about. Who was it out at t lie gate with
you?"
"That's Dr. Kane, who lives four
Mocks below. You must have heard of
him/'
"I never did. lie can't bo much of n
doctor."
"He 1h known as the greatest special
ist In consumption in the state. Ho
WHEN Hi: liECOVEKED CONSOIOCHNJBSS HE
WAH IN THE DUST.
bus cured more putfents than any live
doctors together."
"Croat man! Was lie over at the of
? -freer* ?' -
"lie happenud to drop in."
A Series of Happenings.
"Oh; he happened, did he? And when
It happened that he was in ho hap
pened to discover that yon had con
sumption. didn't he?"
"He came in 011 other business, but
he had scarcely glanced at mo before
he asked if I knew that my left lung
was affected."
"And you told him, of course, that
you knew it was?"
"I had to tell "what I have known for
months."
"Known for months, yet never men
tioned It to me!"
"Mrs. Bowser, there are husbands
who do not care to frighten and worry
their wives, and I am one of them."
"Fudge! There's never a day goes
past without some complaint from you!
80 it's incipient consumption In the
left lung this time, is it?"
"It certainly is."
"I don't believe a word of it! Your
left, lung in Just tin sound as your right
one. and both together are as sound as
the lungs of n whale. It wasn't a week
,ugo that you were bragging of how you
eon Id expand your chest."
3 1 1*. Bowser sighed like air being
pumped into a barrel and made no re- (
Pl.v. ' j
"Of course this Dr. Ivine made an ex- '
amlnation?" queried Mrs. Bowser.
"Ills name is Kane."
"Well?"*
"Of course ho examined me."
"And charged $5 or $10 for it!"
Mr. Bowser gave 110 figures.
"And did he find the lung half gone?" 1
"About a quarter gone."
"And of course he recommended
something? Does ho think you should
go to the north pole for a couple of
years and sleep outdoors under. a paper
flour sack?"
"Ho hair-n- remedy- -to stop the decay
of my lung where it is. I have not got
to leave home."
"Just roost on the back fence at
night eh?"
"Mrs. Bowser, I want nothing more
from you in that vein!" he said with
great dignity. "If it hadn't been for
you I should not now be afflicted. "
"But what can I do?"
Bicycle Riding Prohibited.
"For years I have wanted to ride the
bike, but you have prevented me by
your ridicule. Biding the wheel would
have given me the fresh air my lungs
craved."
"I said you were too fat and your
leg;* too short, and I say It now."
I "And I hurl your insult back to your
teeth and Inform you that withlu throe
bourn I shall in? tid f i rx a bike,"
"Ob, I hat's bow tho doctor Ih going
to cure you. Is It?"
"That1* bow."
And perhaps bo baN blkoa t < ? rout T"
"Ho has." 4
I Very wi ll I iiavd nothing lo hm>
Your left lung is ufr?M I ??d n)id iiilJsl !>??
' III im| "
A /lor dinner Mr. Bowiter llxtsl hliu
*rlf u|> for riding iih well iu possible
I M,1<' M'alkt?d dowb (osoino vacant lots,
! I ?r. Kuiio a waited bliu and a?U
f od h in i bow wis .mirage was.
j 1 II 4oni|uor (bo hike In tlvo iiiln
J utes." was (bo biravo reply.
"Hul you run hardly export to ride
I III olio evening."
| "Why not V Say, doc, I'll be circling
j aiotiilt) (his l?htc|{ inside of It'll mill
| u tow. Whon I know (hut it's life or
j death w 1th |Uo I in Itoiind not (o lose a
second I spose i wain to pool right
down to shlr( and (rouserg? All rjght.
I'otch "er up b**r?- Makes mo hungry
Juki having (ho blko about tbo place.
Now, i lion, tbo first ( h 1 1 1 a* Is to mount.
Isn't It?"
^ oh ^ ou take hold of ibo handles.
ho. iiinl you iiui ko h spring into" the
Middle. so. and away you go. Think
you on n do It ?"
Of course 1 oan. The old gal Ih op
|m?ho?I to my learning how to rldo
bur
Bowser Bey in# Lesson,
Mr. Bow*er seized (bo hand I on and
sprang for the saddle. Whon ho re
covered consciousness In? was on tho
broad of his back In the dust and the
doctor was fanning hlui with an old
washboard which ho had found iu the
gram.
"Has anything happenod?" asked
Mr. Bowser iM ho looked around. "h
"Nothing in particular. You wore j
tired and lay down to rest."
"les? I know ? I see.-. I suppose you
uwed to do that way. Seen anything
of M'h. Bowser?" t
"No."
Then trot up (he health restorer
again. 1 11 put a little more spring
Into in y logs this time. lion't they
over hitch (he thing to a post or use
handspikes to hraoo It up?"
Tho doctor hold the blko this time
and liolpod Mr. Bowser to mount. He
also suggested that ho walk alongside
the machine until tho novice had got
Ida nerve, hut Air. Ilowser replied; ^
Whon we got around to that corner
iou give me a shove down the slope
and lot go. I see how she works, and
I'll surprise you. After I have made
about three circuits you can call Mrs.
Bowser up and 1 II show her a scorch.
They call It 'scorching' when you bout
greased lightning, don't they?"
\ es. 1 believe they do Now. then;
I'm going to lot ?:o."
?"Bet 'or go? rah- ? whoop!"
The F nnl Awakening.
When Mr. Bowser woke up (his time
lie \\ us in his hod, while Mrs. Bowser
sal holding his hand and trying to look
very sympathetic. '
"This ? (Wis isn't heaven, is It?" he
whispered as ho looked around.
"<>ir,- no. dear;" replied Mrs. Bowser
as she smoothed hack his hair. "Von
are still on earth. How do you feel?"
"Who hit me with a house?"
"No one. You were learning to ride a
hike to strengthen your lung, you
-know ? ???
"And what? what"? .
\ou got what I believe they call a
double wabble, followed by a header.
Dr. Kaiie got a neighbor to help bring
you down here. Our doctor has been
here and gone. lie said your neck
wasn't broken, but It would probably
bo four weeks before you got outdoors
again. I)o you feel that your appetite
has Improved?"
Mr. Bowser closed his eyes and
groaned.
"I think I can sec a great change in
you already," she said.
He groaned some more.
"The doctor said If you would only
stick to It you would surely live to be
n hundred years old."
Divorce Threatens Again,
Mr. Bowser opened his eyes and sat
up and. after glaring around him for
half *a minute, he shouted:
"Woman, I understand. It is another
attempt to assassinate me! Let the
lawyers come the tlrst thing in the
morning and draw up the necessary pa
pers, and by evening all can bo set
tled."
"There, there, dear, don't talk too
much!" she said as she forced him
back on the pillow. "I-will bold your
hand and hum to you, and do try to go
to sleep. Close your eyes, now. and
forget all about the double wabble,
%vhich has done so much to strengthen
your lung. S-s-s-h! S-s-s-h! S-s-s-h!"
And as Mr. Bowkor slept his toes
cracked and a big tear worked out of
his loft eye and down his cheek. He
was dreaming that a mob of bicycles
was crying for his life!
The Rest Cure.
IJttle Paul, having db iheyed his
mother, wax sent to bed In the mid
dle of the day to think over his faults
and keep out of further mischief. An
hour or so after he was given permis
sion to pret up and dress, and soon ho
appeared rosy cheeked and happy.
"Well, mamma, I feel lots better now
I've had such a idee long rest!"? Wo
man's Home Companion.
Queer,
"What Is the bahy crying about?"
drop]??d his glngorsnap In his
glaAs of water." "Well, that's the first
time 1 ever knew any one to cry be
enu.Ko he had a soft suap."? Houston
I'ost.
He Always Laughs Last.
"He laughs l?est who taughr last."
"Then what a hearty laujih the ICng
Hshman who Is listening to the anec
d ?te must get."- Kanvin City .journal.
w 1
Th? rinding of Omir.
*} **? .th? J"l? Mr Quh
rftcbii father who published
?14# < bunr." IUl(j# |||M||IIU tljat ,)i(.
tii iik didn't sell, ho relegated it Co (bo
t\? HUh^UOUt
WM-s duo to a fortunate accident. Two
Moild* Ot l(o*NClti <1111)11 across Hi,,
poem and thought I, worn, reading
I?ohh..||| road It and recommended It
? "wliiburiw. What wed Sw|n.
burno litis himself told- "Having ,ead
It- he writes, " 1 1 < issi'i t | nn,) | Invested
upward of sixpence apl.y-o |,OMH,
''WIH'Hco; I would not wish to ox
aggeiuto our extravagance |? onpjos
?t tliat not exorbitant price. t\0xt
?v V* wo might K?, HO|m,
more for prt?siM.ih amo.m our frio?ds
,M,t tho ?>?? at tli^ stall asked | wo'
piM.ro! Kosset t | expostulated with him
in term* of wut'it humorously indignant
remonstrance a? none Inii ho could
over luivo commanded, Wo took a few
and let! hint, in a week or two If l
am not inuch mistaken, tho remaining
copies wore Hold at a guinea. I have
s io-o ? ? soon copies offered for Mill
1,1010 prices, I kept my penny
worth (the tidiest of u,o lot, and have
It still. - London ( 'hhuilcle.
Twelfth Century Fgotball.
in the twelfth century football In
England wax a game for the streets.
I lie chronicler of that period toltn how
ufter dinner the Hty youths "address- !
?d thomselvop to foot bill I," and how
the scholars of each school and tho 1
apprentices of particular trade* would
each have their peculiar hall. There I
were spool, .torn, too. in those days
enthusiastic spectators. Fathers would I
oomo to watch their sons and "become
as yout.hful as the youngest, their nat
ural heat seeming to bo revived at tho
sight of so much ability."
In Inter years <*nc recalls a famous
biUl guino pluy6d in Hyde park, in
then, "there was a hurling of a
great ball by fifty Cornish gentlemen
on one side and fifty on the other. One
party played in red caps, the other in
white." And here the historical value
of the contest -Cromwell was a spec
tutor and applauded the "groat agilltv
of body" displayed.
Aldine Editions.
Tim Introduction of the sloping Ho
man letters which are known to every
body an Halle* was made bv Vhlus
Mnnutlus'of Venice In the latter prrt
of the fifteenth century, fjo was the
most famous printer of italv and per
hups of the world. The l books ho
printed, known as Aldine editions, are
much sought after b.v collectors Ills
fbst volume in the ,,cw type was a
Vergil published in I .">(11 at the price of
about 'J shillings of our money. Al
dus. in fHct, was the pioneer of choat)
literature. \
Tho Aldine mark Is a dolphin twined
about un anchor with the name
Aldys. If any reader, says Mr. .1. A
IIIII in the Imprint, finds' a cartload
of old books with this mark in his
attic or lumber room, lie Is duly ad
vised not to uso'them for lighting tho
'"re. Tl.yy would probably buy him a
good annuity for the solace of his de
clining years.
How Koreans Advertise.
Although the Korean has'stubliornly
..i%(.U^d.Xl.UMkUiUKOHterii Ideas, he has
always recognized the value df adver
tlsoment. When a Korean opfM.s a
now shop or has any particular wares
,s anxious to dispose of or when a
nobleman desires to convey a certain
Piece of Intelligence to. the people ho
seek* tho services of the sandwich
men. In the Hermit Kingdom, how
ever. these men do not carry boards
upon which the desired Information Is
made known to all and sundry, but re
H??rt to the /ne dium ?,r picturesque
nags, upon which the anuoun -enuMit is
Inscribed. Anything from one to a
dozen tlags may be requisitioned, and
these are carried through the streets
by boys and mot 1, forming a pictur
esque moving advertisement. ? Wide
World Magazine.
Not His Fault.
One of the women belonging to tho
Mothers' club at the settlement house
came to excuse herself from tho meet
ing with her face swollen and highly
discolored. She was hiding it with
a shawl, and she explained earnestly:
"lie wouldn't have done It for any
tbing, not for a hundred dollars. But
he wasn't himself, and I said some
thing that crossed him. Then he done
It, but he's sorry. I black awful easy,
a n y w n y . " ? E v e r y h od y ' s .
Sunstroke.
Sunstroke Is caused by invisible vio
let rays from the sun and not by heat.
Tho Ictnperuture to which stokers 011
Atlantic liners are exposed Is far high
er than tlu> heat from tin* sun in the
most tropical countries, yet the men
are not affected in the same manner.
Woman's Two Ages
Joax ?Shakespeare told us all alxmt
Mie ho veil ages of man. but he didn't
Hay anything about tho two ages of
woman. IJoax? And what arc tho two
ages of woman? Joax? Tho age she
nays she is and the age she really Is.?
Philadelphia Record".
Husband and Wife.
Husband moans house bound; wife,
weaving one; sun Is the cleaner; daugh
ter is the milker; spinster Is tho tin
married sister of husband or wife, who
is the spinner.
Scotland'* Grouse Moors.
There are some 3.000 grouse moors
in Scotland nlone that are regularly let
by tbHr owners at an annual rental of
about ?1.000.000.
Always to think th<? worst. I havo
ever r.*>und to be the mark of a mean
spirit and a bns?- soul.?Rollngbroke.
From the State
of Utah
Hy F. A MITCHEL
M. I>e ( ? ou i' u ii, v, u citizen of Pari*,
waa kittioK iu kil? club reudlntf a u(<wk
|ui | )ci' when u youiiK iiuui approached
htm and Mti Ul :
"Monsieur, pardon uie for lutorrupt>
inn your muling, l?ut l have a request
lo ihdHo of you. I aiu a citizen of the
United Stints Utah la win- it* I hull
from ami I have made u fortune In
cuttle, mint's, mt'lchiiudiHinn la abort
h\ every mentis except selling Ihpior
oyer the lair I cuuie hero to avo Ku
^ope At Ili'Hl everything *eoined ? >l?t
fllHhloiKMl, llllt III tlllM* I UUl l)Hi'(| to
your ways, und now I 1 1 he them Ural
late, even to the wuy you commit
matrimony
De (ioui'uny looked up at the apeiiker
as he would at u curloua Kind of mil
mill In a menagerie. The American
proceeded:
"When we on the other side of the
hltf Halt lake make up our uiluds to do
a I lil iik In any other wuv than our own
we never try to mix the two methoda
I have a proposition to make, and I'ai
tfolnu to make It on the French pluu
The other night at the American eia
baaxy I met one of your daughter* I
have concluded to mukc you a prop,
ohltion for her hand."
Whatever were lie GouruayV fool
Iiikm at thla blunt announcement he did
not kIvo way to them. He ate red at
the apeakor In a aort of wonder for
awhile, theu said with French suavity
"And you consider. monMeur, that
you have adopted our method of opeu
Inn a matrimonial negotiation?" .
"1 will admit that there la an Atu?r
lean flavor to It? I mean a Rocky
mountain aroma."
"Decidedly." wild (the Kreuchuittn in
won modulated tones, while ho kept
>h <\\eH II x cd on his Interviewer, evi
dently studying him.
.IihK Henderson's face bespoke that
5 uucu|tMF?!d frankness Indigene**
to a new country There was no t ?
diplomatic feature, not a trace of meaa
ohh. in t. DeGou.ruiiy had flveduugh
fora and not enough property to Klve
in one of them u dowry This
brusque proposal was no more to his
taste than would hove been jtlio touch
the pt Iclcly cactus among. which the
Zb\T!: 1,1,11 ,,VOtl Nevertheless be
1 not propose o turn It down until
In It <,lscov^ ^hat there was
Ho accepted Mr. Henderson's card
and gave him permission to submit u
, v roforences-~ America lis in Paris
who knew nil about him.
Hut the rren.luuMu's exterior did
,'",,,,<'sP<"'d wjlh his Interior Kv
'wL;,,M'mT iK sl,l?lM>sed to be
* ulli 'Millions; ? ik| ne (Journa.v. us
??* been said, hud ilv,. lmii(I(.l)H t(l
^v"lh' looking with one eve
' , ,s, IUMVsl,,'per he. was watching the
Ameilcans retreating figure with the
other and later, when he saw
Join o the club, he arose from his seat
* tu7fe.l?J r?f,M "88U,IUHl ,lldlff?w??co ???*
? h 1 , ?" U Ntf" hunt to ?nd out
,,, y;ui ? about the suitor;
Iv IntVr T" l]i- Were ?mii.eut
^rm ?o, ! ,'y'~ er80,, hntl mud? ii
tortune. uud his character was
^client. Nothing detriment tut^S
P. After ii lot of rod tape, as Hell
ed'::; TJ"2 irmttteo t.
a look , ?Urmy'" "om? "''<1 "ave
n look nt the young Judy ho had au
" r?T M"',V E"t0lk' Preflence ef
? I lathei and mother and three of her
sisters, ,/nck declared when question
e<l ?l.o?t the visit that there was Z
rirt 22 e."""C? ,w as I? the
git had been set up on the divide
and he given. a Job of driving a mule
team In the canyon.
After II long delay, followed by a
nay ,ietweo1* ?e fcour
? ^"ck Henderson and two notnrlos
bride [o \JaC#k| KetUod ^000 on hla'
i ? ? tho C0?Pio were marrie*
at 10 o clock In the morning by a malre
t In u church and at 12 sat dow?
to a wedding breakfast.
brld?kJ?8 .Ve,ry htPPy bcsldo U*
bride, whom ho had nfever met sociablv
but once when a lackey entered the
room and bonded her father a noto
' ^.onrnay paled, aud tho features or
hla face otherwise Indicated , T h'
.ad received a blow. Aril* ? the
table, he left the room, and soon after
the mother took tho brldo <jw ay also
saw that something bad iron*
wrong, but kept his seat till the guests
h?, '? tak" 1epartnre.?when
tt;? ;,a?rr ""<1 ,Veut out to <?arn
,,a<1 become of his bride a
"eft'the Mn' U"" ?''? "ad
the house with her mother Tn**b
and'walfh r 8kC" f0r fatber-ln-lnw
him In tbe library. ' Thlther"^'^ "he
EM.
"Wbafs ,mv? inquired Jaet. -
How did you doro lmposo upon mo
Vronll d?"0!" cr,<Ml the angry
hrenebnian "But I ?m rlKbUy ,erv
?1. to trust anything tlmt comes from
barbarous America. Go awav
this house and never come here agalu.
As for my daughter, she will spend
o rest of her iffe hi a convent; 6o!"
Jack had once been fired on by hX
ans and stood in the way of a iferd of
stampeded cattle at tbo ^ ^
But bo liked it better than this.
ease explain, monsieur," he said j
I have only since your wedding beea
nformed that tho poople of t)tah have
.as many wives as they like. My
daughter sljail not enter your harem-f
It was ndt till evening that Jack*
nving explained that he wa a not a
Mormon, obtained his bride.