Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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pleasant Thoughts. ?Sorry, Brown," said the doctor, er the examination. "You're ln a j gerloua condition. I'm afraid I'll re to operate on you." Operate!" gasped Brown. "Why, I ren't the money for operations. I'm j a poor working man." fou're insured, are you Dot?" yeg, but I don't get that until aft I'm dead." Ob, that'll be all right," said the ior, consolingly. Too Much Paint. jfr? What la all this talk about l. Bullion? (be ? Why, she engaged Dauber, the lit, to paint her and when she ar ^ for the first sitting he declined complete ** jo b that had already n half flnlehed.?Clnclnnatl Bn? rer. What She Thought. Miss Peech," stammered the bash young majn at the other end of the "would you ? er ? consider me <j |f I were to ? er ? throw a kiss to i?" Bold!" quoth she. "I'd consider it quintessence of laziness.** ??? ?. Sweet BondHS*^ labe? 1 cQEgr^ss Is jibing free the poor perfs who are held bondage by the baseball trust. Jteve ? Well, I wish some one would itence mo to five years' servitude one of the major leagues. Proper Precaution. * 'Where are you going in such a rry?" 'My daughter has been chosen to ; as queen of the May, and I'm on ? way to buy her some woolen un* rclothlng and a blanket." HIS ALL. lambllng Waggles ? I was robbe? t night and I lost fifty-three articles furniture. Everything 1 had in de rid. 'oliceman ? Fifty-three articles, lambllng Waggles ? Sure; a deck of da and a cork screw. One fo Thousands. ire dwelt a fanner, old and gray, Mlde the Ml?sl?slpp; evee crumbled ? and today !? farm would float a ship. How Sadl Mrs. Flitters doesn't go about aa ch as she used to." No. Family cares are keeping her borne." She hasnt any children?" No, but Fldo is in failing health." A Natural Student. Hello, Bobby! I hear that the tk has brought you a new baby ttaer." Git out! De nearest thing to a rk in des dlggln's Is a sandhill &e.M ? Judge. Wesry in Well-OoJng. You cant sit up with my daughter tr 11 o'clock." Would you mind telling her that, ' I have been trying to get home ly for six months." ? Life. Those Qlrls. lella ? He said he would kiss me or in the attempt. tella? Well? fella ? He haa no life Insurance, and ltled his poor old mother. Bess's Wan, less ? How do you eliminate the nt of onions? 'ess? Oh, the remedy's simple. 1 d a story that takes my breath ly. $? ? . \ I Vloe Versa. Poes the hero marry the heroin# Vie end of all of their troubles V [No; at th* beginning."? Judge. I Movsmsnt to Stop Slaughter of Bird* for Fripperies for Milsdy's He ad wear. | lf> ???? An organisation formed In New York to propagate and to protect wild life In America Is worthy of all sup port- it will certainly turn Its atten tion to the aUuicbter of the birds for millinery fripperies and promote the adoption of salutary legislation such aa exists In New York state and other enlightened communities. It will have a grant field before It tn the proteo tlon and preservation of the big game of the country that Is being reduced to a negligible condition by pot-hunt ers, despite state laws. It will do much for the protection of the smaller fame and the recreation of the for mer Ideal conditions in this country with regard to tta game supplies. Maryland, as ont of the most Im portant game states In the oountry, haa wide sympathy in this or spy sim ilar movement. It ts a state, once re plete with the most alluring game, that needs better sentiment to sup port Its laws in order to bring about a return of its. game glory. The mht ter ta of widest reach and the organis ation deserve? all sucoess. An Instanoe of the unenlightened manner in which tbe subject is at present treated is Instanced by the corral and shipment to Canada for an lmmenae national park of tbe one re maining big herd of buffaloes in this country, a herd privately propagated and bought by the Canadian authori ties ovsr the head of' the United States. Hie new sssoclatlon will seek to preserve game for hunting and, more than that, wild life for Its own sake. CARRIED BY HEAVY MAJORITY Motion In Fst Men's Annusl Oonvsrv tlon Hss 1,929 Pounds to ths Good. Happened at the fat men's annual convention. "Mr. Chairman," wheesed one of the heaviest delegates, "I move you, sir, that no man be admitted to member ship in this body hereafter who weighs less than. 300 pounds." The motion was seconded and half an hour was devoted to discussing it. "Any further remarks?" Silence. "Gentlemen, are you ready for the question?" "Question!" "All who are in favor of the motion will say 'aye.' " "Aye!" "Contrary, 'no.' M "No!" The chair Is unable to decide. All who favor the motion will please rise." Thirty-six arose. "Be seated, gentlemen. All who op pose the motion will rise." Again thirty-six arose. "Gentlemen," announced the presid ing officer, whose weight was 427 pounds, "it is a tie. The chair votes 'aye,' and I therefore declare the no tion carried by a heavy majoirity." * It was ascertained later, however, as the result of some figuring, that tbe actual majority in favor of, the mo tion waa 1,929 pounds. Not His Lino. Harry Lehr's favorite story baa to do with a couple of ambitious appli cants for admission Into the exclusive social set of Chicago. They were wealthy, a circumstance, It seemed to the young wife, that should make their progress a smooth one; but there was one obstacle to their success that gave her no little -uneasiness, and that was the utter lack of confidence displayed by her husband In his ability to "play the game." ? When on one oecasion they were talking: things over and she had of fered various suggestions as to his future line of conduct the unhappy husband interrupted to offer this ob servation: ? y "It's no use in mm trying, Marie. I'm not qualified for this game at all. When I talk I have to stop eating, and when I eat I have to stop talking. I was never cut out for a society maul" Wine Aged by Elsotrlolty. Fantastic as It may sound, yet m*et? lng with success, is, the use of eleo trlcity for the purpose of "aging" cognac or clarifying champagne, in France. Aa eWftrlc generator of high frequency Is Installed in the store rooms, warehouses, and wine vaults to send Hertalan waves all around the bottles. By this two widely different results are expected to be obtained-? the aging of the cognac and the draw ing out of the deposit which the fer? mentation process causes, which is expected to accumulate around the cork. The apparatus used for the ap> plication of the Hertzian waves is kept a profound secret by the manu facturers. Only Featurs Unconcealed. Poirat, royally seated on his sarto* rial throne In the capital of Fashion, in his latest promulgation declares that even the tight dress of the 'day top much ellipses the sex, and he an* nounces that in the next phase femi ninity will disclose her very soul. Come to think of it, that is abput the only item left for this sort of ex:* ploitation, thanks to the revelations, beginning with the peekaboo blouse and continued by the slashed skirt. Poojr Lady Duff-Gordon, wltb her more emotional gowns, nai^t rasp In desperation .at her jjacx? Cuiir. ? broth er artist. . ? ;r*; Jimmy Gets a Dog in a heedless moment the Klug thornes yielded to Jimtuy's ardent and vociferous pleuH mud admitted that It might be possible to permit him to have a dog to play wlttf Up to that time they had been ?&(* to match hla teasing by a aucclnct and comprehen sive "No!" But now life wa? vastly different. Every homecoming of the elder membera of thd family, If not greeted by "Dldyuh bring my dog?" was hailed with the wall, "When kin 1 have my dog?" or "Whut kind of a dog la It I'm going to get?" nfttll the King t homes* reacted the stage where their oplnlou on doga as a whole waa ao iuteuse that It waa wordless. The situation led to diaaensious also, for both Ktngthorue and bin wife ac cused the other of having boen the one who Bald the fatal word of assent. The peace of the family was gone, and the more they argued the worae It grew. Qf the lot Jimmy was the most injured, for with all the bicker* lug because of a dog there waan't any dog. "You Bald 1 could have a dog!" he invariable ended In the plaintively ac cusing tone before which all well brought up parenta shrink, When the Kingthornea hod time to look for a dog they never could flpd an attractive one, and If they did aee a possibility they lacked the time. Sitting in her living room one after noon conversing with visitors about green tQmato pickles. Mrs. Kingtborne after staring from the window, gave a little shriek. "Just the thing!" phe cried. "How did It get there?' "What?" demanded her caller. "There aren't green tomatoes growing out there!" "Pickles?" repeated Mrs. King thorne, dreamily. "No, It's a dog. It doesn't seem to belong to any one, either!" Everybody looked. The dog was most apparently youthful, because It still wabbled slightly when It walked, or, rather, rolled. For It was fat and globular, made still more eo by a thick coat of woolly brown fur. From one end of the brown mass a pink nose stuck out and from the other end protruded a tiny plumed tall. He really was too much like an ideal puppy to be quite true. "There Isn't a soul in sight," as serted Mrs. Klngthorne. "And irobody | would let a puppy like that go for a walk alone, so It must be lost. It'll get stepped on or stolen or something, and to own it would send Jimmy Into hysterics of joy, so, really, I think It Is my duty to rescue the puppy, don't you?" < Everybody wanted to see the puppy at close range, so everybody said "Yes." Mrs. Klngthorne went out and brought the animal In. "Don't dogs have ^erms and things?" demanded one of the visit orB. "It is likely to give Jimmy some thing, isn't lt?H That was why everybody followed Mrs. Kingthorne down Into the laun dry to see her give the waif a bath. He was very little and the tub was very big and the soap wa8 exceed* lngly fluffy, bo It took four of them] to wash and dry. him. Afterward he frisked In front of a grate fire and Mrs. Kingthorne admired herself ex tremely for finding him. Jimmy, for some reason, was late, but presently Kingthorne arrived;-He~i seemed a little dated at the chorus of . joyful shrieks and the bundle of brown wool that was thrust at him. "Well!" be murmured in a puzzled tone. "That doesn't look a bit like the one " "The one!" cried Mrs. Kingthorne. "What one, and what la ltf Tbe bell rant Just then and King thorne went to tbe door. When he rejoined them he was leading by a leash an Airedale pup. A grown-up Airedale is without doubt the uglfest dog yet Invented, but an Airedale pup transcends by a hundred degrees the ugliness of tbe grown-up Airedale. There is no use tn trying to tell what Klngthorne's pup lookad like* because If adequate words could be found no body would believe the description anyhow. Kingthorne spoke Into the immense silence almost defiantly. "He's a bench dog," he said. "All my life I've wanted an Airedale? and I am sure Jimmy will be crasy about this one. So will you when you get used to his looks and appreciate his noble nature. That brown, woolly thing hasn't any elasfh my dear." "Well. I like him!" cried Mrs. King thorne, Indignantly. Jimmy slammed Into the house Just then. Something slammed In with him. It was an overgrown, calflike creature, all lega and tall and tongue, with a great ugly head, and its style of architecture was a combination of everything from early Qreek down. "He's mlnel" Jimmy cried, proud ly. "An as heart man gsve him to me, an' he's goin' to sleep In my room an' everythln'l An' you said I could have a dog!" Be gave a passing glance of disinterested scorn at ths blooded Airedale and the toy woolly PUP. - - "I suppose," said Kingthorne. with a resigned sigh to hia wife, "that ws cap chloroform our dogs!" It 1s always difficult to v"\ one who rsfusea to o. V. T 2X?? *^-7 v. VgV , p I A N O s o R G A N S IN THE PRODUCTION OF THE KIMBALL PIANO an active progressiveness is joined with over fifty years of experience concentrated on the effort to pro duce piano quality of the highest type. Piano custom ers WHO KNOW appreciate this fact, which ex plains why so many of them say that the Kimball piano is the best. WHEN in the market for piano or organ, see the Kimball before you buy. Write for catalogue and price list. State whether piano or organ is wanted. 1 ' " . ? = J. W. MELTON, Factory Distributor for Kimball Pianos and Organs CAMDEN, SOUTH CAROLINA Real Estate Real Estate The fanning lands in Lee County have long been recognized at the best in the State, and tell readily for )30.00 per acre. We offer for quick tale two tractt at Smithville ? one containing 163 acret and one 10 acret at a price far below the $30.00 * i 01 mark. \ Both tractt are ideally located, being on the public road, within a few milet of the railroad and having every advantage of the average town. 'Phone 29, or write ut for furtKer information. belk & Mcdowell Real Estate CAMDEN, S.C. LANCASTER, S. C. to Real Estate Real Estate