The Camden chronicle. (Camden, S.C.) 1888-1981, July 19, 1912, Image 7
Her Hat.
vj._S the latest foreign llrn<>n
the limousine with a roof that
tack for aviation meeting ?
Coffyn, of hydroplane fame, said
,.jer day In New York:
bla car reminds me of a conver
I overheard between two girls.
?It was an awfully smart crowd at
flying.' said the flrat girl. 'I caw
e awfully nice talks.' \
And who flew?' the second In*
i't ask me!' said the first girl,
you think I was going to take off
new hat Just to see A lot of aero
98?"'
Was Good for Murderer.
[you ought to be glad that you will
[electrified Instead of hanged," said
prison visitor to a convicted mur
per.
[Why?" asked the felon, In surprise.
[?You suffer greatly from rheuma
don't you?"
Tes."
(?Well, electricity is the best known
nedy for that." ? Epoch.
Coal Supply.
|"Tho coal supply of the earth is
ilted," said the scientist. "No one
say how long It will last."
"Great Scot!" exclaimed the man In
back row. "And here we've gone
|d wasted inore'n a sack of It heatln'
hall for this lecture!"
Another Matter.
["According to this newspaper, a man
gotten a divorce from his spirit
ile"
"Oh, bosh! There's no such thing
a spirit wife."
Wait a bit. I was mistaken. Tho
[IJectlve is 'spirituous:*^
HOU8EHOLD HINT8.
(Never bum your old shoes in the
rnace. They fill the air with an un
easant odor. Keep them to throw
the neighbors' cats.
If the alarm clock falls to awaken
}>e hired girl at the proper time in
he morning, get another girl. . .
An earnest, conscientious wife Is
's able to think of something
jut the house that needs a job of
epairing.
It is not considered good form now
keep the old family Bible, contain
ag tho record of births, etc., lying
the center table. s ?
Don't try to repair a roof that has
been shingled since the year 1891.
love into some other house.
You can discourage the growth of
Iandelions on your lawn by allowing'
le neighborhood boys to play there.
DOOM 8WIFT AND SURE.
Lady ? Aren't you the low wretch
that stole my new batch of biscuits
ylstlddy?
Bandy ? Yes'm; but don't nay no
more. I ate dein biscuit.
Prejudiced.
Home things there ure we do not llke
Of which we quickly tire;
The man upon a motor bike
We never could admire.
Progress.
"You have tried to fashion a gov
' eminent on the lines of the American
Republic?"
"Yes," replied the Chlneso philoso
pher, "but up to the present time we
haven't been able to get much beyond
the Fourth of July accidents."
No Risk.
"Jagbltters tells me that he Is
thinking very seriously of taking up
literature as a profession."
"How will he live?"
? "Jn clover. His wife is going to op*
erate a big boarding bouse."
Father's Little 8peech.
Tom ? I told her father that I ex
pected to Inherit several pieces of
fine property. .
Dick ? What did he say?
Tom ? He said that deeds speak
louder than words.
Condensed Milk.
"Do you call this a pint?" asked the
sharp servant girl of the milkman.
"Yes."
"Well, It won't do. When we want
condensed milk we'll buy it at th*
grooet's."
Looked Like Ready Money.
"How did he suoceed so long In fool
ing his creditors into believing that
he was wealthy?"
"He had every member of his fami
ly operated on for appendicitis."
His Job.
"I never worry or hurry."
"What department of the city serv
ice are you In?"
Genuine.
Last year we did abuse with glee
The almost-spring.
But this year's sample seems to be
The real thing.
Hiding His Faults.
"The wise man knows himself."
"That's true. And he takes particu
lar pains to keep other people from
knowing him."
A High Flyer.
"Ever been on a flying machine?*
"No, but I've been on a lark."
DOAT
LOSE
SIGHT,
of the fact that 'you'll ruin
.. . . > ? ^
your eye? by neglect and cause lots of other trouble at the
same time. Eye strain causes headache, nervous pros
tration and many other ills of body and mind. In nearly
every case this can be prevented by the use of glasses
properly fitted and made. By getting glasses promptly, oft
times it is only necessary to use them temporarily. Neg
lected, your sight may be permanently injured.
Have your eyes tested free at our Store from nine to six*
G. L. BLACK WEli,J|
Jeweler tad Optician : C*
THE REAL TMINQ.
"What's doing hi the way of ainUae
WeQtB?" Ubkcd iht< newcomer of the
old inhabitantK of Hades.
. "Huhi' bull game every afternoon,"
answer* tUe old inhabitant.
- "liaaeball? You don't mean itt
.That's great! I vai a (an from 'way
back on earth. On the square, do you
have baaeball every day?"
"Sura thing."
"By ginger! Thin place auita ine.
Haseball! Hay, this can't be hell,
then?"
"Yen, It 1*. The hoine team always
loses."
Couldn't Deny It.
"You're a two-faced man!" exclaim
ed the disappointed offlceseeker. "I'm {
?not afraid to tell you ao.M
"Two faced?" smiled the eminent
btateaman; "my dear friend, I am
worae than that. The papers have
printed fifty different portraits of me,
and no two of them look alike-"
Quits So.
"Jlblots asked me about my gar
den. Confound hla Impertinence! I
haven't any garden and never expect
to have one."
"Well, don't get huffy. The fact
that be gave you credit for being con*
alderably more Industrious than you
really are Is a compliment.9
HAD NO PEAR8.
Klndhearted I^ady ? Ah, poor man;
don't you know that you will fill a
drunkard's grave?
Waggles ? No, madam; I expect to
be cremated.
Hard Work.
His industry he doth parade,
Who hath a little garden made;
Though often, with* a weary air,
He moped his brow and stopped to
Bwear.
Forty-8even 8hort.
First Fly ? What's the matter with
your eyes?
Second Fly ? I strained 'em counting
my eggs. Ono of the swatters says
the awerage fly lays sixty-seven thou?
sand eggs.
First Fly ? How did you come out?
Second Fly ? I think I'm about forty*
seven short.
For the Defence.
A noted critic and literary adviser
said at the Authors' club In New
York:
"A reader? whether for a magazine
or for a publisher ? doesn't read the
whole of every manuscript. Why
should he?' Do I have to eat a whole
cheese to tell whether it's good or
not?" i"
A Warden's Dilemma.
Biggs ? I see that a lot of convicts
in a state penitentiary have struck be
cause they don't like the food.
Dlggs ? Yea, and It's awfully hard on
the warden.
"What 1st" _ ?
"Why, the fact that be can't say to
?the kickers, 'If you don't like the food,
get out' "
THEY'D 8CRATCH IT UP.
Pious ? The Bible Bays, you know,
that whatever you sow you shall also |
reap.
Suburbs ? But suppose your neigh
bors keep chickens?
It Doth.
Doth eeem aa If
We just oaat wait
TO |TMt th? ?W? t
Girt gtaOoaU.
? k
Getting Near
*11 she told yon her see you can
surely ftgyrw out when she was horn."
"Judging from what she told me her
age was, I should say she waa born
oa her fourteenth birthday."
Quite Likely.
"My ideal Is a husband who would
read JWT >?**! like a book.'? ?
"I'm afraid, taj dear, he woold sat
isfy himself with the pretty binding.*
;V . k v ; \-V
p
I
A
N
O
s
o
R
G
L
N
S
IN THE PRODUCTION OF THE KIMBALL PIANO
an active progressiveness is joined with over fifty '
years of experience concentrated on the effort to pro
duce piano quality of the highest type. Piano custom
ers WHO KNOW appreciate this fact, which ex*
plains why so many of them say that the Kimball
piano is the best.
WHEN in the market for piano or organ, see the Kimball
before you buy. Write for catalogue and price list. State
whether piano or otgan is wanted.
J. W. MELTON, Factory Distributor for Kimball Pianos and Organs
CAMBENt-SQUTH -CAROLINA
Real
Estate
Real
Estate
Farming Land
FOR SALE
The farming lands in Lee County have long been recognized at
the best in the State, and sell readily for $30.00 per acre.
We offer for quick sale two tracts at Smith ville ? one containing
163 acres and one 10 acres at a price far below the $30.00
mark.
Both tracts are ideally located, being on the public road, within a
few miles of the railroad and having every advantage of the
average town.
'Phone 29, or write us for
further information.
BELK & 1
v__ Real
CAMDEN, S. C;
Rill
Estate