Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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RUPERT HUGHES NOVELIZED FROM TflE COMEDY OF TftE SAME MttE. T T T IU,UST?ATED FJJQM. PHOTOO/JAPH8 OP THE PlAY AS PRODUCED: ^ /u?xtcv w. SitvAoBj " I <rOPY^OMT If* I ^ M.K fXV ca ? YNOP?l?. CHAPTER I Maui Harry Mullory Is ordered to tit* Philippine* life an<l Mar JOrie Kvwton decide Uj elope, but wreck of tmiifuii prevent* ilii.tr minister on the H?y to the train CHAPTER II. "-Transcontinental train Is taking on paa*eng? r* Porter has a , lively time with an P".ngll*hman and Irs, : I^at/irop, a Yank*-* business rn#n. CHAPTER III -The slop*rs have an J exciting time getting to the train (CHAPTER IV. ."f.lttle Jlmmle" Wei- ? llngton, bound for I?<no to get a dlvorcs* ^ boards train In maudlin condU U>n Later Mr* Jim vile appears. CHAPTER v.- She In also bound for Reno with same Object. Likewise Mrs. 1 Hammy Whltcomb. . CHAPTER VI.? letter blames Mm. ! JJrrmle for her marital troubles. Class- ' mate* of Mallory decorate bridal berth. | CHAITER VII ? Rev. and Mra. Tempi* ' start on a vacation. They decide to cut 1 loose and Temple remove* evident* of hla calling. CHAPTER VIII.- Marlorl* decide# to let Vlallory proceed alone, but train j starts while they are lost In farewell. CHAPTER I JC. ? Passenger* Join Mai- j lory's classmates In giving couple wed dlng hazing. 'CHAPTER X.? Marjorle la distracted ! over their altuatlon. > CHAITER XI. ? Ira I,athrop, wornan hatlng bachelor, discovers an old sweet heart, Anne tJattle. a fellow passenger. CHAPTER XII.- Mallory vainly hunts for a preacher among the passengers. CHAPTER XIII? Mrs. Wellington hears Kittle Jimtnle's voice. Later she meets Mra. Whitcotnb. CHAPTER XIV - Mullory reports to Marjorle hla failure to find a preacher. CHAPTER XV ? They de^Me to pretend a quarrel and Mallory finds a vacant berth. CHAPTER XVI.- Mra. Jlmmle dlscov era Wellington on the train. CH \PTER XVII.? Mallory again makes an unsuccessful hunt for a preacher. CHAPTER XVIII. -Dr. Temple poaea aa a physician. Mrs Temple la induced by Mra. Wellington to smoke a rtgar. CHAITEH XIX. -Bight of prenrher on a station platform raiscii_MaIlory's hopes, but he takea another train. CHA ITER XX ?Missing harul baggage compels the couple to borrow from pas se ngt rs. CHAITER XXI -Jlmmle geta a cinder In his eye anri Mrs Jlmmlo gives first aid. Coolness is then resumed CHAPTER XXII. In the Smoking Room. Wellington's divorce breakfast re> minded. Ashton of a story. Ashton was one of the great That-4-teminds-Me family. 1'crhaps ii was to the erodit of the Englishman that he missed the point of this story, even though Jim mie Wellington saw it through his fog, and Dr. Temple turned red and buried his eyes in the eminently respectable pages (if the Scientific American. Ashton and Wellington and Fosdick exchanged winks over the Britisher's stare of incomprehension, and Ashton explained It to him again in words of one syllable, with signboards at all the different spots. Finally a gleam of understanding broke over Wedgewood's face and he tried to justify his delay. "Oh. yes. of caw He 1 see it now. Yes, I rather fancy I get you. It's awfully good, isn't it ? 1 think I should have got it before but I'm not really my self; for two mawnings 1 haven't had iny tub." Wellington shook with laughter: "If you'rt- like this now, what will you be when you get to Sin sail frasco ? Ii mean Frinsanaisco ? well, you know j what I mean." Ashton reached round for the elec- ! trie button <is if he were conferring a favor: "The drinks are on you, 1 Wedi'ewood I'll ring." And he rang. "Awf'lly kind of you," said Wedge wood, "but how do you make that I out ?" j "The man that misses the point, pays for the drinks." And he rang ' again. Wellington protested. "But I've Jolly well paid for all tho drinks for t wo da> ??" Wellington roared "That's another point you've missed." And Ashtun rang again, but the pale yellow indi vidual who had always answered the bell with alacrity did not appear. "Where's that infernal buffet waiter?" grumbled. Wedgewood began to titter. "We were out of Scotch, so I sent him for some more." "When?" "Two stations back. I fancy we must have left him behind." "Well, why In thunder didn't you say so?" Ashton roared. "It quite escaped my mind," Wedge wood grinned. "Rather good Joke on you fellows, what?'" "Well, I don't see the point," Ash ton growled, but the triumphant Eng lishman howled: "That's where you pay ! " Wedgewood had his laugh to him self, for the others wanted to murder him. Ashton advised a lynching, but the conductor arrived on the scene in time to prevent violence. Fosdick informed him of the lrre trievable lows of the useful buffet wait er. The conductor promised to get ! another at Ogden. Ashton walled: "Have we got to alt here and die of thirst till then?" The conductor refused to "back up for a coon," but offered to send in a Bleeping oar porter as a temporary substitute. As he started to go, Fosdlck, who had been incessantly consulting his watch, checked him to ask: "Oh. con ductor, when do we get to the state line of dear old Utah?" "Dear old Utah!" the conductor grinned, "We'd 'a' been there already if v/e hadn't 'a' fell behind a little." "Just .my luck to be late," Fosdlck moaned. "What you so anxious to be In Utah for, Fosdlck?" Ashton asked, sus plclously. "You go on to 'Frisco, don't you?" ? , Fosdlck was evidently confused at the direct question. He tried to dodge it: "Yes, but ? funny how things hHve changed. When we started, no body was speaking to anybody except his wife, now ? " "Now," said Ashton, drily, "every body'a speaking to everybody except his wife." "You're wrong there," Little Jlm mie interrupted. "I wasn't speaking mle Interrupted. "I wasn't speaking to my wife In the first place. We got on aa atrangersh ana we're strangersh yet. Mrs. Well'n'ton Is a ? " "A queen among women, we know! Dry up," aald Ashton, and then they heard the querulous voice of the por ter of their sleeping car: "I tell you, I don't know nothln' about the buffet business." The conductor pushed him in with a gruff command. "Crawl in that cage and get busy." "Still the porter protested: "Mlsta Pullman engaged me for a sleepln' car, not a drlnkln' car. I'm a berth maker, not a iiiixer." He .cast a re sentful glance through the window that served alao as a bar, and his whole tone changed: "Say, is you goin' to allow me looae amongst all you do, I can't guarantee my con duck." them beautiful bottles? Say,~man^ If "If you even sniff one of those bot tles," the conductor warned him, "I'll crack it over your head." "That, won't worry me none ? as long us my mouf's open.". He smacked his chops over the prospect of inti macy with that liquid treasury. 'Lordy! Well, I'll try to control my amotions ? but remember, I don't guar antee nothln'." The conductor started to go, but paused for final Instructions: "And remember ? after we get to Utah we can't serve any hard liquor at all." "What's that? Don't they 'low noth in' in that old Utah but ice-cream soda?" "That's about all. If you touch a drop, I'll leave you in Utah for life." "Oh, Lordy, I'll be good!" The conductor left the excited black and went his way. Ashton was the first to speak: "Say, Porter, can you mix drinks?" T he" po r t e r ' ~r umiTrotedr-t hen con fessed : "Well, not on the outside, no, sir. If you-all is thirsty you better or der the simplest things you can think of. If you want to command anything* fancy, Lord knows what you'd get. Supposin" you was to say, "Gimme a Tom Collins.' I'd be Just as liable a not to pass you a Jack Johnson." "Well, can you open beer?" "Oh, I'm a natural born beer opener." ' "Rush it out then. My throat is as full of alkali dust as these .windows." The porter soon appeared with a tray' full of cotton-topped glasses. Tho day was hot and the alkali dust very oppressive, and the beer was cold. Dr. Temple looked on it when It wan am ber, and suffered himself to be bullied Into taking a glass. He felt that he was the greatest sin ner on earth, but worst of all was the fact that when he had fallen, the for bidden brew was not sweot, He was inexperienced enough to sip It and it ' was like foaming quinine on his pal ate. Hut he kept at it from sheer shame, and his luxurious transgres sion was its own punishment. The doleful Mallory was on his way to Join the "club." Crossing the ves tibule he had met the conductor, and had ventured to quiz him along the old lines: "Excuse he, haven't you taken any clergymen on board this train yet?" "Devil a one." "Don't you ever carry any preachers on this road?" "Usually we get one or two. Lest trip we carried a whole Methodist convention." "A whole convention last trip! Jnst my luck!" The unenlightened conductor turned to call back: "Say, up In the forward car we got a couple of undertakers. They be of any use to you ?" 'TNTot Z?L" Then Mallory dawdled on into the smoking room, where ho found bU own porter, who explained that he had been "promoted to the bottlerjr." "Do we eome to a station stop soon?" Mallory asked. "Well, not for a considerable inter val. Do you want to get out and walk up and downr' "I don't," aald Mallory, taking from under bit coat Sdoosleurns, whom he had smuggled past the new conductor. I "Meanwhile, Porter, could you give him something to eat to distract him?" The port 4r grinned, and picking up re bill of fare held it out,. "I got a meenuel. it ain't written in dog, but you can explain it to him, What would yo' canine deslah, sah?" Bnoosleum* put out a paw and Mal? lory read what it indicated: "He says he'd like a Met Chateaubriand, but if you have any old bones, he'll take those." The porter gathered Snoozle uni9 in and disappeared with him Into the butfet, ' Mullory calling after him: "Don't let the conductor see him." Dr. Temple advanced on the dla conaolate youth with an effort at cheer: "How Is our bridegroom thlu beautiful afternoon?" Mallory glanced at his costume: "I feel like a rainbow gone wrong. Juat my luck to have to borrow from everybody. Look at me! Thin collar of Mr. Wellngton's makes me feel like a peanut in a rubber tire." He turned to Fosdlck. "I say, Mr. Foadlck, what site col lar do you wear?" "Fourteen and a half," Bald Fosdlck. "Fourteen and a half! ? why don't you get a neck? You haven't got a plain white Bhirt, have you? Our English friend lent me this, but it's purple, and Mr. Ashton's Bocks are maroon, and this peacock blue tie is very unhappy." "I think I can fit you out," aald Foa dlck. "And if you had an extra pair of Bocks," Mallory pleaded ? "Juat one pair of unemotional aocka." "I'll show you my repertoire." "Al^> right, I'll Bee you later." Then he w?it up to Wellington, with much hositance of manner. "By the Way, Mr. Wellington, do you suppose Mrs. Wellington could lend Miss ? Mrs. ? could lend Marjorie some ? Bome ? " Wellington waved him aside with I magnificent scorn: "I am no longer in Mrs. Wellington's confidence." "Oh, excuse me," Bald Mallory. He had noted that the Wellingtons occu pied separate compartments, but for all he knew their reason was as ro mantic as his own. CHAPTER XXIII. Through a Tunnel. Mrs, Jimmle Wellington, who had (raveled much abroad and learned In England the habit of smoking in the corridors of expensive hotels, had ao quired also the habit, as travelers do, of calling England freer than Amer ica. She determined to do her share toward the education of her native j country, and chose, for her topic, to 5 bacco as a feminine accomplishment, j She had grown lndlfTerent to stares ! and audible comment and she could J fight a protesting head waiter to a I standstill. If monuments and tablets are ever erected to the first woman 1 who smoked publicly In this place or j that, Mrs Jimmle Wellington will be variously remembered and occupy a I large place In historical record. * The narrow confines of the women's ' room on the sleeping car soon palled I on her, and she objected to smoking i there except when she felt the added | luxury of keeping some other woman j outside ? fuming, but not smoking. And now Mrs. Jimmle had staked out I a claim on the observation platform. She sat there, puffing like a major general, and in one portion of Ne braska two farmers fell off their agri cultural vehicles at the sight of her cigar-smoke trailing after the train. In Wyoming three cowboys followed" her for a mile, ylpping and howling ttretr compliments. Feeling the smoke mood coming on, Mrs. Wellington invited Mrs. Temple to smoke with her, but Mrs. Temple felt a reminiscent qualm at the very thought, so Mrs. Jimmle sauntered out. alone, to the great surprise of Ira Lathrop, whose motto was, "Two heads are better than one," and who was apparently willing to wait till Anne Gattle's head grew on bis shoulder. *'I trust I don't intrude," Mrs. Well ington said. "Oh, no. Oh, 3fce8."' Anne gasped In fiery confusion as she fled Into the i car, followed by the purple-faced Ira, ! who slammed the door with a growl: "That Wellington woman would break i up anything." The prim little missionary toppled Into the nearest chair: "Oh, Ira, what will she think?" "She can't think!" Ira grumbled. [ "In a little while shell know." | "Don't you think we'd better tell everybody before they begin to talk?" Ira glowed with pride at the thought and murmured with all the J ardor of a senile Romeo: "I suppose so, ducky darling. I'll break It? I mean I'll tell It to the men, and you tell the women," "All right, dear, I'll obey you," she answered, meekly. "Obey me!" Ira laughed with boy? lsh swagger. "And you a mission* ary!" "Well, I've converted one heathen, anyway," said Anne as she dart#d down the corridor, followed by Em, who announced his Intention to **00' to the baggage car and dig up his old Prince Albert." In their flight forward they pa? ?l the mysterious woman in the stat* room. They wars too full of their own mystery to give thought to her*. Mrs. Jfofdlck went timidly prowling toward tbe observation car, suspect ing everybody to be * spy, as Mallory suapected everybody to be a clergy man in disguise. As she stole along tbe corridor past tbe men's club room sbe aaw ber husband? ber bere-and-tbere husband ? wearily counting the telegraph poets and summing them up into miles. She tapped on tbe glass and signalled to him, then passed on. lie answered with a look, then pre- ] tended not to have noticed, and wait- j e-d a few moments before b$ rose with un elaborate air of carelessness. He beckoned tbe porter and said: "I^?t me know the moment we en ter Utah, will you?" "Yassah. We'll be oomln' aloug right eoon now. We got to pass through the big Aspen tunnel, after that, befo' long, we splounce Into old Utah." "I>on't forget," said Fosdlck, as be sauntered out. Ashton perked up hla ears at the promise of a tunnel and kept bis eye on hi* watch. Fosdlck entered the observation room with a hungry look In his luscious eyes. Ills now and then wife put up a warning finger tQ Indicate Mrs. Whltcomb's presence at the writing desk. Fosdlck's smile fro?e Into a amlrk of formality and he tried to chili his tone as If he were speaking to a total stranger. "Oood afternoon." Mrs. Fosdlck answered with equal ice; Good afternoon. Won't you tflt down?" "Thanks. Very picturesque scen ery, isn't it?" "Isn't it?" Fosdlck seated himself, looked about cautiously, noted that Mrs. Whltcomb was apparently ab sorbed In her letter, then lowered his voice confidentially. His face kept up a strained pretense of Indifference, but his whisper was passionate with longing: "Has my poor little wlfey missed her poor old hubby?" "Oh, so much!" she whispered. "Has poor little hubby missed his poor old wife?" "Horribly. Was she. lonesome in that dismal stateroom all by her self?" "Ob, so miserable! I can't stand it much longer." Fosdick'a face blazed with good news: "In Just a little while we come to the Utah Hue ? then we're safe." "God bless Utah!" The rapture died from her face as she caught sight of Dr. Temple, who happened to stroll in and go to the bookshelves, and taking out a book happened to glance near sightedly her way. "Be careful of that man, dearie," Mrs. Fosdlck hissed out of one side of her mouth. "He's a very strange character." Her husband was infected with her own terror. He asked, huskily: "What do you think he is?" "A detective! I'm sure he's watch j lng us. He followed you right in here." I "We'll be very cautious ? till we get J to Utah." | The old clergyman, a little fuzzy in : brain from his debut in beer, contin ued innocently to confirm the appear i ance of a detective by drifting aim lessly about. He was looking for his wife, but he kept glancing at the un easy Fosdicks. He went to the door, opened it, saw Mrs. Wellington finish ing a cigar, and retreated precipitate ly. Seeing Mrs. Temple wandering in the corridor, he motioned her to a chair near the Fosdicks and she sat by his side, wondering at his filmy eyes. The Fosdicks, glancing uncomfort ably at Dr. Temple, rose and selected other chairs further away. Then Roger Ashton sauntered in, his eyes searching for a proper companion through the tunnel. He saw Mrs. Wellington returning from the- platform, Just tossing away her cigar and blowing out the last of its grateful vapor. With an effort at sarcasm, he went to her and offered her one of his own cigars, smiling: "Have another." She took it, looked It over, and parried his Irony with a formula she had heard men use when they hate to refuse a gift-cigar: "Thanks. I'll smoke it after dinner, if you don't mind." "Oh, I don't mind," he laughed, then bending closer he murmured: "They tell me we are coming to a tunnel, a nice, long, dark, dismal tunnel." Mrs. Wellington would not take a dare. She felt herself already eman cipated from Jlmmle. So she answered Ashton's hint with a laughing chal lenge: "How nice of the conductor to ar range it." Ashton smacked his lips over the prospect. And now the porter, having noted Ashton's impatience to reach the tun nel, thought to curry favor and a Quarter by announcing Its approach. He bustled in and made straight for Ashton Just as the tunnel announced itself with a sudden swoop of gloom, a great increase of the train-noises and a far-off clang of the locomotive bell. Out of the Egyptian darkness came til? unmistakable sounds of osculation In various parts of the room. Doubt less, it was repeated in other parts of the train. There were numerous coo ing sounds, too, but nobody spoke ex* cept Mrs. Temple, who whs heard to murmur: "Oh, Walter, dear, what makes your breath so funny!" Next came a little yowl of pain In Mrs. Fosdlek's voice, and than day* light flooded-1 the car with a rush, as if time had made an Instant laap from midnight to noon. There were inter eating disclosures. was caught. wljh her anas round the doctor's neci, and she blushed Ilk# a spoony Ctrl. Mrs. Fovdlck was trying to disengage bar hair from Mr. Fosdlck'a searf pin. Mrs. Wbltcoinb alone was deserted. Mr. Ashton was gaslug devotion at Mrs. Wellington snd trying to tell her with bis eyes bow velvet be found ber cheek. Hut she was looking reproachfully at him from a chair, and saying, not without regret: & "I beard everybody kissing every body, but 1 was cruelly neglected." Ashton's eyes widened with unbe lief, be beard a snicker at his elbow, and whirled to find the porter rub bing bis black velvet cheek and writhing with pent-up laughter. Mrs. Wellington glanced the same way, and a shriek of understanding burst from her. It sent the porter into a h pa Kin of yah-yahs till be caught Ashton's eyes and saw murder In them. The porter fled to the plat form and held the door fast, expect ing to be lynched. Hut Asbton daubed away In search of concealment and aoap. The porter remained on the plat form for some time, planning to leap overboard and take his chances rather than fall Into Ashton's hands, but at length, finding himself unpursued, he peered Into the car and, seeing that Ashton had gone, he returned to his duties. He kept a close watch on Ashton, but on soberer thoughts Ash ton had decided that the Incident would best bo consigned to silence and oblivion. Hut for ull the rest of that, day he kept rubbing his lips with his handkerchief. The porter, noting that the train had swept into a granite gorge like an enormously magnified aisle In a made-up sleeping car, recognized the presence of Echo Canyon, and with It the entrance Into Utah. He hastened to Impart the tidings to Mr. Fosdlck and held out his hand as he extended the information. Fosdlck could hardly believe thai his twelvehundrod-inile exile was over. "We're in Utah?" he exclaimed. "Yassflh," and the porter shoved his palm into view. Fosdlck filled it with all his loose change, then whirled to his wife and cried: "Edith! We are in Utah now! Em brace me!" She flung herself into his arms with a gurgle of bliss. The other passen gers gasped with amazement. This sort of thing was permissible enough in a tunnel, but in the full light of day ? ! Fosdlck, noting the sensation he had created, waved his hand reas suringly and called across his wife's shoulder: Don't be alarmed, ladles and gen tlemen. She's my wife!" He added in a whisper meant for her ear alone: "At least till we get to Nevada!" Then she whispered something In his ear and they hurried from tfce car. They left behind them a bewilder ment that eclipsed the wonder of the Mallorles. That couple spoke to each other at least during the day time. Here was a married pair that did not speak at all for two days and two nights and then made a sudden and public rush to each other's ajrns! Dr. Temple summed up the general feeling when he said: "I don't believe in*wltches, but If l did I'd believe that this train Is be witched." Later he decided that Fosdlck was a Mormon elder and that Mrs. Fosdlck was probably a twelfth or thirteenth spouse he was smuggling in from the east. The theory was not entirely false, for Fosdlck was one of the many victims of the crazy-quilt of American divorce codes, though he ^^^ostunwiiiing of poiygamlsts. And Dr. Temple gave up his theory in despair the next morning when he found the Fosdicks still on the train and once more keeping aloof from each other. (TO BE CONTINUED) THE CLEMSON AGlU Ct'LTru.AL COLLEGE Enrollment Over 8<H) ? V?lue Of Property Over a Million <aml a (Quarter ? N,inety-Four Teachers and Officers. DEGREE COURSES: Agriculture Agriculture and Chemistry, Agricul ture jind Animal Industry, Chemis try, Mechanical and Electrical' En gineering, Civil Engineering, Textil Engineering, Architectural Engineer lng. y SHORT COURSES: ' One year course in Agriculture, Two years course in Textiles, Four weeks win ter course in Cotton Grading, Four Weeks Winter Course for Farmers. COST: Cost per session of nine months including all fees, heat, light( water, board, laundry and the necessary uniforms $1^3. 5^, tuition $4 0 additional. ScholarHhips and Entrance Kxaminu tions: , The College maintains 167 four year Agricultural and Textile Schol arships and 51 one year Agricultur al scholarships. Value of scholar ships $100 per session and free tui tion. (Students wh o have attended Clemson College or any other col lege or university, are not eligible for the scholarships unlesrf there are no other eligible applicants.) Scholarship and Entrance Exami nations will be held at the county Court House on July I2j 9 a. m. Next Session Opens SEPTEMBER 11, 1012. Write, at once to W. M. President, Clemson College, 8. C-, for catalog, scholarship blanks, ate. It you delay, you may be crowded out x A; V ? OLIVER Typewrit!* i The Only Writing Machine in the World that Success, fully Typewrites Print. 1 7 Cents A DAY The 1'rlntpye Oliver Typewrit, er, which has crowded ten y^rj of typewriter protean luto th? space of months, ^ now offered to the public for 17 Cent* * Day ! , ,s. Offered at the tame price at an ordinary typewriter payable in pennies! i The commanding Importance! of Prlntype Is everywhere con-l ceded. For who does not nee what it means to inake the world's vast volume of typewritten mutter u readable as books or magazine*; The Prlntype Oliver Typewriter is equipped with beautiful Book Type, such as in used on the world's printing presses. 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