The Camden chronicle. (Camden, S.C.) 1888-1981, March 08, 1912, Image 3
in HI* Mind.
Th? man who was getting off the
elevated railway train at Adams
atreet . stepped on a foot that was
occupying too much space on the floor
?in the middle of 4he aisle.
'?For half a cent," howled the own
er of the foot, "I'd knock your block
off, you-"
"Hero it i8," said the man, > taking
a ceot from hie pocket and. tendering
it to him- "You can keep the
change."
"You Interrupted me, air!" snapped
the other. "I was going to add that
for balf a cent more I'd knock your
block on again. . You ipay consider
both operations performed, and be
i hanged to you!"
I "Step, lively!" vociferated the guard,
|and the incident dosed.
Voices of the Night.
"John, I don't believe you put Uk
cat out."
"Confound it, Maria, you didn't put
covers enough on this bed!"
"Henry, wake up! I hear somebody
in the basement I" *"~
, "We won't g' home t'l mornln', an'
then we won't g' home!" /v ,
"Wbat's your hurry, Jack? It's
early yet."
"Me-ow! Meow! Splftl1" ?
'Cocka-doodle-doo ! "
"Hands up!"
Intrinsic Values.
"Why did you select Charles instead
if George?" asked Maude.
"Well," replied Maymle, "George
aid I had eyes like violets, cheeks
Ike wild roses, shell-like ears and lips
Ike cherries.'*
"Very pretty."
"Yes. But Charles said I had eyes
ke diamonds, teeth like pearls and
ps like rubles. It seems to me that
Is Ideas were much more i>raotlcal."
PROOF.
lira. Jinks ? Is your husband even
hpered ?
ilw. Blinks? Very. Why, I've ner
even heard him swear at an alarm
ck early In the morning.
His Only Choice.
u must give up cigars," Mid Anna,
>r I can never be your bride"
c pondered, lit a freah Havana .t
>4 threw the matoh Midi.
; ?Judge. } ?
Safe.
have you a hair, tonic that you can
ply recommend?" asked the man
k was growing bald.
ves," replied the druggist, as he
la bottle down from a shelf. "This
?horoughly safe. My baby drank
rly half a pint of it the other night
wasn't harmed In the least/*
-It', a Wise Chl|<l? - :
ommy? Me father glxnme dls nlck?
htca fur me birthday.'
^"iy-I guess my pop's goln' ter
one like dat, too.
pmmy ? Did he say soT
Emmy ? No; he said he was goln'
{gimme a gold one.-1? Catholic
and Times.
V.- ? .. .V - - t
Easy. : *: ' : /
ilstantr? Here's an article on how
York will look In 19&0. What
re use to illustrate It?
Itoi^?Get that file at magaxlnea
there for I860, and -cut out the
re of how New York wa to to look
10/? Puck.
Practical.
nm> ??
1L ? tore at thU young heiress
^?radcxlcal Qualities.
?P is a very
U is one which spreads a
BUOY FLOATED SIX YEARS
j .
Belonged to Ship Wrecked Off Japan
| 1 and Ocean Currant* Carried It
to Sootland.
A atrange story of tbe ae*s and
their mysterious currents wan told la
a letter received by Stanley Dollar,
of this ctty, from John Clear, at Ler
wick, Scotland, lue lotting a clipping
from the Shetland Times, published
| at Lerwlftk. v
Tbe Item la to tbe effect that there
[was picked up ou the beach at Cul*
Uvoe, Papastpur, north of Scotland, a
life buoy, tattered and stained, bear
ing the Inscription: "Passed by J.
Quthrle, San Francisco, CaJ., June 1,
1*05/*
| Capt. Quthrle la an assistant local
Inspector pf steamboats for hla dis
trict.
The Stanley Dollar was wrecked off
tbe west coast of Japan In August,
1905, and the buoy must have' been
floating In the ocean curents until it
landed oyer in Scotland. Whether It
went around the Horn or through the
Northwest Pasuage or down by Aus*
tralasla and around the Cape of (?oed
Hope Into the Atlantic, Is a myftory
of seafaring men. Tho buoy hold*
the world'B record for drifting the
longest distance ever known.
Equally marvelous is the fact that
It was' not found before, but thls.may
be explained by tbe theory that it
floated In parts of the two oceans un
frequented by many vessels. ? San
Francisco Cbrorilcle.
ANTS ARE SMART GARDENERS
They Are Known to Grow Grain,
Sowing and Harvesting Like
Real Farmers.
Man 1b not the only animal who haft
discovered the division of the vege
table world Into weeds on the one
hand and garden plants .on the other.
Our Ingenious little six-legged work
ers* the ants, have anticipated us In
this, as Jn so many other useful In
ventions and discoveries. There are
ants In Texas which grow grain, and
each nest owns a small claim In the
vicinity of Its jnound on which It cul->
tlvates a klnjJ of grass, commonly
known as ant rice.
The claim Is circular, about ten or
twelve feet In diameter, and the ants
allow no plant but the ant rice to en
croach upon tho cleared space any
w here.
The produce of the crop they care
fully harvest, though authorities are
still disagreed upon the final question
whether they plant the grain or mere
ly allow It to sow Its own seed on the
protected area.
One thing, however, 1b . certain ?
that no other plant Is permitted to
sprout on the tabooed patch. The
ants wage war on weeds far more
vigorously and effectively than our
own agriculturists.
Linguistic Donnybrook.
*1 observe that the natives of
Terre Haute are Indulging In a con
troversy over, the proper pronunciation
of the name of their fair city," said
the commercial traveler. "Some Insist
upon the good old home flavored
'Terry Hut,' while the, more cultured,
affecting horror at such provincialism,
declare It should be 'Tear-ah-Hote,'
and still others prefer 'Tear-Hautay.'
"I see oportunltles for extensive
trouble In this discussion. What it
other places which have suffered by
rank Anglicizing In their names should
follow the example of the Indiana
town? The result would be a lingu
istic Donnybrook. Consider the pos
sibilities of theBe common methods of
pronunciation.
"Baton Rouge, Batten Ruge; Belle
fountalne, Belfountaln; Boise, Boys;
Charleroi, Charley Roy; Des Moines, |
Dee-moyne; Detroit, Dee-trolte; Du
bois, Duboys; Pond du Lac, Fondelak;
Qalllpolis, Gal-pollce ; Montpeller,
Montpeeller, and Prairie du Chien,
Prairie doo-Sheen."
Vanity In Wearing Hair Long.
The church for hundreds of years
fought strenuously against long hair,
declaring it to be rain, as doubtless
It was,1 and Is. Most of the merry,
pleasure-loving monarchs in history
Slid -their subjects wore the hair in
fastidious and elaborate ways. On
the other hand, the Spartans, the
stern followers of Cromwell, and the
Puritans wore their hair short. The
wax figures in hair-dressing shops,
adorned with masses of puffs and
curls, lead one to think that the pres
ent-day methods of hair-dessing are
not unlike those practiced hundreds
of years ago. It seems certain that,
while Women still continue to con
sider puffs and switches as part of
ths necessary paraphernalia of the
head, men have discarded long hair
for good and all, with the exception
of the f^w , musicians, poets, or pain
ters who think it incumbent on them
to let their locks grow long.
Not a Bad Precedent,
Some of the beauties of- anclenx
Rome had marble busts sculptured of
themselves, on which were placed dif
ferent wiga corresponding to the
changes, of . style and coloring. If
inddern woman followed suit there
would be fewer atrocious coiffures.
A mirror should treveal unbecoming
ness, but it does not seem to do so.
, A bust of oneself, bedecked with chig
non, psyche, Greek coils or the pres
ent daguerreotype disfigurations, could
not fail to be a convincing proof Of
ourselves aft others ice
The greatest beauty cannot afford
to trifle with her halrdressing. It is
only the plain woman who boldly de
fies looks to be In the ?'Style.
Completely Submerged.
A traveling man stopped to watch
a email colored boy, who stood ou
one foot, Inclined lii? woolly head far
to one elde, and pounded vigorously
on his skull with the palm of his
right hand. ?
"Hollo, hoy," grinned tbe drummer,
whose memory was carried back to
his own boyhood days by the familiar
action, "what are you doing?"
"Got wattah In mab eab," replied
the boy.
"Oh, ho," laughed the drummer, "I
know just how that is. Many a time
I have felt just like that after being
in swimming." ?
"Swimmin' nuffln'." the boy ex
claimed, "ah been eatln' watahmll
yun."
Absent-Minded Record.
Duluth 1b the home of a woman who,
In the line of absent-mindedness, has
the whole world beaten to a finish.
She is absent-minded from tbo time
she wakes up until the moment ? she
goes to sleep.
"ICmlly," a friend asked her on one
occasion, "how1 old was your mother
when she died?"
"I don't know," replied Emily sweet
ly. "You know she died long before i
was born." ? Popular Magazine.
The Difference.
.. Visitor ? Personally, I don't think
much of the Amerloan method of
[ spelling. >
Hostess ? Why not?
Visitor? Well, tAke parlour, for In
stance. Having *u' in It makes all the
difference In the world. ? Tattler.
A Good Account.
? Shorty? Before I propose to you.
Miss Goode, I would like to know if
you have anything In the bank?
Miss Goode ? Yes, I have; and he*,
th? manager. We get married nei
week. ? Judge. r
VERY LIGHT.
Landlady (after helping him the
third time to meat) ? I thought you
told me you were a light eater?
New Boarder ? So I am, ma'am; 1
eat burning torches in the dime mu
seum.
Precautionary.
When pa. and ma fall out 'tis time
- For little tads to run ----- .
And stay at soma kind neighbor's house
Until the fight is done.
Unsympathlalng.
"What barbarous instincts those old
Romans displayed at their gladiatorial
games."
"Yes," said Miss Cayenne; "they
were almost as indifferent to human
life as a crowd of people Watching an
aviation contest at a county fair."
Considerate.
"Why do you argue with your wlfeT"
asked the bachelor, "Dont you know
the futility of ltr
"Of oourse," , replied & the married
man, "but I have to allow her a little
pleasure once In a while." ? Puck.
Well Along, Anyhow.
Justice of the Peace?How old are
you?
Illiterate Prisoner? I don't adsack
ly know, squire, but I Wn reelect
when ev'rybody called India rubber
*gnm elastic."
Just Before, the Tragedy.
King Richard IIL had offered his
kingdom for a horse.
"Ha!" exclaimed Richmond. "Ill
have to go and nag him a little 1"
Grasping a property sword, he
i rushed to the :
? * '' ?' 1 1 -M:'?s
Proof Positive. ?*?"*>'. y": ''
* "You told me this was really cot
glass."
"So it was. Oeft from $1.00 to Tl
cents." ?
THEY HAD PLENTY OF CLUBS
Postmaster of Chefrydale Village
Nam?? Over Its Various Organi
zations for the Stranger.
"I suppose that your towu in almost
too tuuil for the club movement to
Lave affected U lUUCh. A towu o t
ouly eight hundred Inhabitants seldom
t.*H many clubs, %' believe," said the
stranger within tho gates of Cherry*
dale to the postmaster.
"Well, we ain't clubbetf to death as
tome places seem to bo, but when you
come to couut 'em up we got consid
erable many clubs for a town of our
?lse. We got a Woman's Club o' two
hundred members, an' a Village lm
orovement Club, an' a Ladles' Social
Club, an' a Friday Afternoon Club, an'
a big Choral Club, au' a Current
'JvcnU Club, an 'a Library Club, an' a
T.kkens Club, an' a Thought an'
"JVork Club, an' a Art Club, an1 a
mixed club that calls Itself the Prog
^ass Club, an' a Dancing Clifb, an'
f.,e whist clubs an' a Euchre Club, an'
<* Saturday Night Club. Then tho W.
C, T. IJ., an' the Odd FoJIowh, an' the
?rmsons. uu' Knights o' Phythlas. an1
the D. A. It., an* the O. A. R., au' the
Ancient Order o' Hibernians, an' the
Eastern Stars, an' the Rons o' Tom
p'ranco an'^the Christian Eudeavorei;B
all have societies hure, an' they are
t^yin' to start a Y. M. C. A., an' a Y.
W. C, A. Then wHh the Grange, an'
the Boys' Brigade, an* live churches,
an' 'some Hoy Scouts, an' a l^cnd a
Hand Society, an' a Handicraft So
ciety, an' the Good Samaritans, an' the
Helpers' Guild, wo got considdablo
many clubs, after all. Each of 'em
has a fair an' a couple o' entertain
ments a year, so there's something go
In' on a good deal o' tho club time,
oven if tho club movement ulu't hit
ns very hard yet." ? Judge.
HOW BETHLEHEM WAS NAMED
Vretty Story of the Origin of tfae
Pennsylvania City, Now In
dustrlal Center.
It was not unfitting that Bethlehem
the conter of missionary enterprise
and social service should have the
name of the birthplace of tho Christ.
But the name was given It under
doubly fitting auspices. In December,
1741, Count Zlqzendorf, tho friend and
protector of the Moravians in Saxony,
came- to visit them. Tho original log
dwelling sheltered both tho people
and the cattle. It was in this house
that they were sitting on Christmas
eve. Suddenly Count Zlnzendorf
arose and led the way past the parti
tion to the part where the cattle were
etabled, and there around the mangers
they sang Christmas songs. After that
they could think of no name quite bo
fitting as Bethlehem.
But In spite of church Institution*
Bethlehem 1b no longer a religious
community. It Is Industrial. With the
coming of Industry have come condi
tions of which Dttvld Nltschmann,
founder o( Bethlehem, never dreamed.
. It wasn't an example of the old
brotherhood when, in 1909, five men
were discharged because they had
signed a petition to the management
of the Bethlehem Steel corporation
asking for. the elimination of Sunday
work. It wasn't an example of broth*
erhood when In 1910 another man was
discharged for avoiding Sunday work,
and then three moret because they
served on a committee that protested
against this man's discharge. ? John A.
Fitch, In The Survey.
In Imminent Danger.
Mr. and Mrs. Aschenbrenner were
touring Europe, and had just arrived
at Pisa. Mra. Aschenbrenner was all
excited upon reaching the Leaning
Tower and eagerly pattered up the
spiral stairway, leaving her husband
languidly awaiting her return.
As she weighed a shade over the
200 mark, her husband always dug
up an excuse when it came to accom
panying her on any altitudes above
easy falling distance.
He was just pondering on the beau
tiful flow of unintelligible language
used by their guide, when from the
topmost rampart came the MHHee? Hi
lo" trill from his wife, who was lean
ing far out and waving a scarf.
Mr. Aschenbrenner obligingly look
ed up and then came to life with an
anguished roar: "Gretchen, for your
life, get back! Tou're bending the
building r*
Her Nationality.
Tn the lowest grade of a New Tork
public school the teacher was glean
ing from the children who had newly
entered the class statistic* of nation
ality for her annual report. They are
extremely Interesting in New Tork
public schools, for they Include young
sters from every known corner of the
globe* Having enrolled Germans, Syri
ans, Poles, Irish, Australians, Natal
lans, Arabs, Montenegrins and others,
the teacher asked a flaxed haired mite
??hoping to hear the rare word "Amer
ican" ? ''What are you, Florence?",
Mindful of her home training, Florence
promptly, and cheerfully replied: "I'm
% suffragette."
What He's Going to Give Up.
"For ten years I have been trying
to give up smoking."
; "That tor - -
"Tea. but this year I am going to
give up trying." .
? . ?' \ * ?
? / ? ? -
i?v / An Endleea Job.
?now do you pass the long winter
evenings at your housef"
"Studying the magazine club offer*,
trying to select a combination tbst
will suit. The entire family."
GARDNER & COMPANY
Heavy and Fancy Groceries, Fresh
Meats and Country Produce
HIGHEST MARKET PRICES PAID FOR
HOGS AND CATTLE
Near Hermitage Cotton Mills
'Phone 221 -J.
ROBERT'S MARKET
Hat recently been remodeled
and enlarged to supply the
increasing demand for
FRESH MEATS
We solicit a share of your
patronage and guarantee sat
isfaction and Prompt Service.
TELEPHONE NUMBER 296-L
MOULDINGS
BOARDS
JUST RECEIVED
A large assortment
? of ? ? - > .
Sash Doors and Blinds
* . . ?* ??.,. * ? / ?
We have your size ? Phone 81 or write
SHAND BUILDERS' SUPPLY COMPANY
DeKALB STREET
FLOORING
CEILING
For Your Breakfast
White Rose and Gold Medal
Coffee, Baker's Breakfast Cocoa,
Tetley's Teas. , " ; ? ' V ' 531
SPECIALS :
?
Old Fashion Country
' , ? lard mm
V
Premier Oat Flakes at
10c
'
LANGS' S GROCERY
"WHERE QUALITY COUNTS"
Phone 2. Camden, S. C.
WANT
a Better
More i BAN KBR8 indorse DRAUGHON'S Colleges than Indorse alf other burfl
nesatollegesC^MJMN E D . 48 Colleges In 18 States. International reputation.
tsoottMpin* Bookkeepers all over
the United States say that Draughon'a
New System ?f Bookkeeping savea them
from 25 to 50 per cent in work and worry.
?. OS
DftAlTGIION'S PHACTIC
n*i*n?;3twiy;
i*rst bodKkeepei
holdlm
Thousands of bankcash ?
, And 'Stenographers -Are
taklng-pftuKh^,M^rn11 04
&AIJL. writa Jno. F? Dlu
President, Nashville, Toftn. For>
?logue on co ursa AT COLLS
BDSIN