Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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The Skeleton in the Closet A TRUE STORY OF THE SECRET SERVICE By COL. H ? C. WHITLCV r.r..r cm.! u. ?? I? r * I ? ? [HAD MKT tho Judge fre quently and foil quite well acquainted with him. Jfe war a politi cian of note and a mem ber of tho flrealdent'* cabinet. li??aune of blw prominence and bin one time Important conncc tlon with the govern ment. 1 Hhall forbear the mention of his name. it would be ia mlllar to every reader. Odo day 4 received u message from CjIoj requesting mo to.call at IiIh office at my earliest convenience. Present ing myself I was given a private In to? iew. After a little preliminary conversation the judge said that be wanted to talk to me In regard to a personal matter. He needed my assist ance In an affair of much concern to. fclinseif and wife. He then related at some length the history of his family troubles. There was a skeleton In his closet He had sent for mo believing that ! might be able to devise some measure of'rellef. "My wife," he said, "la very tnucij (worried and quite prostrated with ?rlef. Hho Is In such a nervous state of mind I fear she will break dowu altogether." HU?y$s filled with tears sm he explained the cnuso of their great trouble. "She was a widow with ma only son when I married her. This ?on, notwithstanding his moral train tog and tender care, has turned out to ?be an unmitigated villain and a con stant menace to our peace of mind. He seems to bo lfesnttnnr wrd devoid of decency and respect for our posi tion. Resides, ho Is a thief. Only u ahort time was arrested In Chi cago, taken to Baltimore and charged with committing a robbery In a houso of ill repute. . I wbh compelled to set tle the caso or suffer the disgrace of an exposure. Wine and women are bis hobbles. He Is reckless In the use of monoy and will resort to any ineanH te obtain It. lCven now I am furnish ing the money wherewith to gratify bhi vicious appetite. Ood knows what bo will do next! Wo arc living In con stant fear that ho will do something to publicly disgrace us. Now, If thoro la any way that ho enn bo got out of the country without publicity, If you can devise any plan to gut rid of hlin without filling him or sending him to the penitentiary, It will meet with my approval. I think It is u case where aevero measures would bo entlroly justifiable. Just think of It! The acapegrace has gono so far In his de pravity as to escort u woman of known bad character to his mother's recep tion!." My sympathies once aroused and a promise made, I felt bound to take aome action. It appeared n dinicuit undertaking. Tho fellow was to be got rid of, but Just how won the question thnt puzzled my brain. I had reiyV'of many strango disappearances O^persons who were never afterwards neard of, but tho manner of their dis appearance was not always clear. It may havo" been a voluntary act, mental aberration or the result of a crime. I pridod myself upon my skill In de vising ways end moans to accomplish an end, but tho case In hand, after some deliberation, appeared somewhat llko perpetrating a wrong deed for tho purpose of accomplishing u good result. If tho story told by tho Judge was truo, there would but little difficul ty In landing tho rascal In tho peni tentiary for tlu> crimes he wns com mitting almost daily; but a measure of this kind would mean exposure and ' disgrace. To put him away by foul ; means wjis out of tho question. Ilo may have deserved a sharp medicine, and tho world may have been bettor off without him. but there whs no thought of doing him ? bodily harm. Tho idea wart to dispose of him and alldo him out of the country tenderly, j Tho Judge wanted to got rid of him, but could suggest no way. It was .1 delicate case to handle. I knew that tho Judge wasfa conscientious and Jhu mane* man and that ho meant no wrong, and It was dimcult for me to understand tho course I could safely pursue. As I turned to leave the Judge's offico his wife entered tho room. I was Introduced, and cast my eyes upon her faco. It did not appear quite new to me. Could I be mistaken? Had I met her before? As tho possible rec ognition did not appear mutual 1 was unable to place hor. Tho Judge turned away to converse with his disbursing clerk. The wife, who had evidently been informed in regard to tho purpose of my interview with tho Judge, requested me to bo aeatcd. Placing her hand upon m. arm sho smiled pleasantly, while as suring me of her faith In ftiy ability to do something to help them out of tho fdeep trouble they were in. She spoke (bitterly of her son and of the many In i dignities ho had heaped upon her. She wanted to be freod from him. iTbe manner in which ho was to be disposed of did not seem to glvo hor ;<PMieh concern,- She wished him ban ished in some far-away country; If he *wav? dead, she would feel relieved. -While relating her troubles she chanced to mention tho name of her husband. On the Instant 1 recog her as an old acquaintance. 1 ?m as- a?Receiver Uncle 8am ia one of Uw flneat little elver* that you would care to havo sharge of your businfeft* If a receiver *me neceaaary," re^rlad William Efctey. of San Joan, Porto Rico, to a rineca acquaintance at the Shore n. The United States government i proved thia by 1ta administration the cuetoma of the republic of Santo ) have heard Englishman who are bad known bor when ?ho was a rosy* chocked young woman com* twenty* Ave years in-fore. Hhe wan then living with h^r husband In a little town in northeastern Oblo. This was before who became tbe wife of the judge. Her tlrut marriage waa aaid to be u runa way match. Hbe wa? a remarkably beautiful woman then, but there waa a cloud hanging over her life, f can not way what It might have been that caused gossiping women to shake their head* and whittyper an ahe painted by. Hhortly after ithe gave birth to a son she left the village. I do not know juat where sh? went, but It waa abort* ly afterward* rumored that ahe had been granted a divorce. Hhe wait now cutting a large figure In society and often itpoken of an the handaoineat woman In the capltol city. Her buitbaud, the Judge, waa up to thla time quite succcssful' In political life, Possessed of considerable brain force and much amiability of charac ter. be might have risen atlll higher had not the Intrigues get on foot by bla arabltlouH wife contributed to pu<> him down. Hhe planned achomea to exalt him and to acqulro wealth. In making these efforts she aroused the Jealouales of others and made the Judge quite Unpopular with the leading politician*. Her misdirected zeal not only crushed the political prospects of her husband, but finally resulted In ex pelling her from Washington society. I was furnished a photograph of her profligate stepson. Ha was a fine looking young man, with wavy hair, keen blue eyo* and,rosy cheeks; In fact, much like his mother In her make big hauls." The Judge's stepson took to it suggestion of this kind like a duck to water and waa highly elated I on account of the proposed trip. He no doubt Imagined a broader Held for ? h?j exercise of hla own peculiar talent. On their arrival at New York they registered under assumed names .at the Merchants' hotel on <!ourtl*nd street. For aeveral daya following they ?trolled about the city, taking in the alghts and waiting for something to I turn up. While walking along Droad-i wuy, near the old Astor hotel, they chanced to pass a uilddle aged man who wuh gating about In an uncertain sort of way. His dress and manner gave him the appearance of a green one from the rural districts, pte sutnably from some place put west. : "Here," said Iteed In an undertone, "is the very fellow we are looking for. I^et us try a hand on him. I will make him think I have met blm before." Heed now stepped up and accosted the green one with an air of assumed fa miliarity. Seizing him by the hand be said: "How do you do, Mr. Ollck? I am ho glad to see you." The verdaht man responded: "You are mistaken, sir; my name la Jones, and I live at Fort Wayno, Indiana." "Never mind the name," said Reed, "1 got> the names mixed, but I remember now where 1 met you. You used to run a livery stable at Kokomo.'*' "Yos, I did." "Then of course you remember me. I am the man that sold pumps and kept my team at your stable. You TXff/wr M'M mr Hermmfyrs .?< MS A 0/U Offffi /'YC A ft?MM f(W Ttiftf/Wfdr mdKPMv /wmrzf/? y /76 t/Otffd 6U?P?0 ffiM ///s C///7/& ro rz/f/vtap youth. Ills faro was Indicative of .imlnal tendencies. I was told that he was a dlfllcult man to .approach, that he did not care for the compan ionship of men. This being tho caso 1 was at a loss to determine how to reach him. It was necessary to intro duce a stranger in order to carry out the plot I had In view. \fter pondering over, the matter for some days I hit upon an expedient that I believed would dispose of the young man without public exposure or resorting to crimo. There was in my employ at this time a man whom I shall call Heed. If ever thero was a born confidence man ho was the one; an actor that could assume a part, live it and play It through with a face as solemn as the graveyard; nevor vi cious, but ovor apparently In earnest while practicing a deception for mis leading only those who ought to be misled. 1 had found him on all occa sions to be a valuable assistant In furthering the ends of Justice. Heed hailed from tho south, had just arrived in the city and was in quest of a private lodging place. The judge's stepson was now occupying an elegant suite of rooms In a fashionable location. He was so omplotely capti vated by Heed's assumed manners and apparent wealth that ho was delighted at the opportunity afforded to secure a roommate. The detective accepted tho offer mado by his new friend and soon found himself In quite a novel and dangerous situation. He was tho companion of a thief whose exploit* wero llablo to involve both in trouble. He had led his roommate to believe that he was himself engaged In ques tionable transactions and* that New York was the place- to operate in. "Thero." said ho, "are chances to and 1 have taken many drinks to gether." "Oh, yes." drawled Mr. Jones; "what cfri earth aro you doing in New York?" "Just looking around and having a gtfnrt time." "l?ct'B go and take somc thing." "Come along. Jones. Let us go around to our hotel," said Heed. The trio went to the Merchants. -Jones ac cepted an invitation to go to tho room of his friends. "What is your favorito drink?" asked Heed. "Plain brandy," said Jones. "I .will go aown and bring up a bot tle." As Heed moved away ho winked siyly to tho Judge's stopson. After an nbsonco of some thirty minutes or more Heed returned with the brandy. He pulled the cork. While Jones was looking out of the window he slipped a small vial out of his pocket and, giv ing his partner an opportunity to see j It. ho turned the contonts Into the bottle of brandy, llo gave tho bottle a shako and set It down on the table. Tho judge's stepson's faco flushed and there was a tremor in his voice. He seemed to comprehend tho noxious power of the venomous ingredient that had been poured into,tho bottle. Reed appeared self-possessed and proficient in tho art of deceiving and bold and bad enough to commit any crime, while tho young man was evidently greatly frightened?not because of any compunctions of conscience, but for the reason that ho wat, as wm after wards shown, a natural born coward. He possessed none of the elements and rugged force of an assassin. He seemed to have a nervous apprehen sion that he was wading In water too deep and dangerous. He was heart were pressing for payment A treaty bctwooft tto TThlled States and Santa Domingo turned over the Customs re ceipts to\ho United Statr*. Of the total amount collected, 45 per cent, was to go to the Dominican govern ment and 66 per cent to the creditors. TJ?e government at that time owed $20,000,000. "In the five years that Uncle Sam has been taking la and paying out the money this big debt has been out down by at least 97,000.000 And the govern ment of Santo Domingo is receiving ? - 'J - - . ' complimentary .terms of. the imprpve mont In the financial affairs of Santo Domingo, which has been brought about by the benevolent interference of this government. These men toUl me that their private business transac tions with merchants tn Santo Domin go have been much more satisfactory since the United States took a hand. This government, you remember, same to the rescue of Santo Domingo In ,ltOS. The creditors of the republic tern enough, but somehow lacked Um nerve to perform. Step by step Jones became drowsy. , The stepson strove to rally btm to bis senses. Jones closed bts eyes. Wbat might have been a phantom o' over heated imagination now became a (earful reality. The atepsou was now almost paralysed with fear as Jones slipped from bis chair to the floor Was be dead or alive? He uttered low and suppressed moan as bis lauk and livid body was laid upon tbe bed and stripped of all Its valuables. Tbe stepson, thoroughly In earnest, wanted to Uke Jones' overdoat, but Heed said It would be dangerous, ?? it might lead to detection. 1 now leave the horrors of this occa sion to tbe Imagination of the reader. The two survivors suddenly left the hotel and crossed over to Jersey City and took lodging at Taylor's hotel, where they registered under assumed names, as they bad done previously at the Merchants'. It was late in the evening when they went to bod. They had left the Merchants' hotel late In the afternoon. Jones, the sup posed drugged countryman, was not quite as dead as tbe Judge's stepaoa thought him to be. lie, too, waa a skilled pretender. Soon after bis entertalnerc had ta ken their departure he, possum-like, came to Ufa, got up and took a drink from the brandy bottle that was left upon the table, and made bis way at once to the government secret service office, where be told the story of bis adventure and received further In structions. This so-called JOnes waa a detective of marked ability. He could assume almost any character and de ceive the best educated criminal, yet withal an honest, faithful servant to tbe government. At an early hour on tbe following morning at Taylor's hotel Reed pre tended to be taken suddenly sick with a cramp in bis stomach. He left bis roommate and went below. A short time afterwards he rushed back Into the bedroom and Informed the Judge's stepson with a trembling voice that they must get out of the place In a hurry or they would be arrested. Reed said that while downstairs he had torn a slip from a newspaper. He handed It to the Judge's stepson, who, on glancing at it hastily, at once sprang out of bed. It was a sensational article and bore the appearance of having been clipped from a newspaper. As a matter of fact, however, it had been printed at the New York Tribune Job office. It was a nice piece of deception aud read as follows: A Brutal Murder and Robbery, Another of those outrageous and dastardly murders which have so recontly startled the community occurred In this city yesterday af ternoon, the particulars of which are as follows: It appears that shortly after dark last evening a well dressed man, apparently thirty-fivO.years of age, was found by the police lying near the foot of Courtland street in an Insensi ble condition. He was taken to the polico station, where restoratives were administered, and when he had revived sufficiently he stated that his name waa P. R. Jones and that he was from Fort Wayne, - -tod. ??-???1 Mr. Jones was removed to the city hospital last evening, where he be came delirious and died about nine o'clock. The police are on the track of the murderers, who are supposed to bo from Baltimore or Washington, as tho clerk at the hotel states that they came In Just ? after the arrival of the Washing ton train. The clerk is positive ho can Identify them. A frightful ghost had risen and was standing in its most horrible form be fore the now half-erazed stepson. The rope of the hangman was looming up before his eyes. He did not even take time to wash his face, so great was his anxiety to leave New York be hind him. Even the very air he breathed seemed tainted with the foul odor of his crime. It was thought to be dangerous to travel by rail at first, and they started away on foot, afad finally concluded to mako their way to Now Orleans. Reea . was, of course, the ruling spirit and was carrying oyt the plan they had agreed upon. They doubled back and forth with the bbjoct of put ting imaginary pursuers off the track. Reed wris seeking delay for the pur pose of gaining time. When the pair arrived at New Orleans about the first thing that met their eyes was a hand bill posted in the depot describing the fugitives and offering a reward for thoir arrest and conviction. Staring at the bill with beads' of perspiration starting upon his brow ? the judge's stepson nearly collapsed. He was careworn, downhearted and ready to speed away as swift as steam could carry him. In the course of time the fugitives arrived at Brownsville, Tux. From thirf point I received a note from Reed saying that they intended to cross the Rio Grande and work their way to the City of Mexico. To ?the minds of the detectives who played their part in this case the whole affair appeared a farce. Alter a time Reed returned from Mexico. He had given his companion the slip and was quite positive In his opinion that the judge's stepson would never dare show his face In the Uni ted States. He declared the man was ' about the greatest coward he had ever met with. Reed was correct In his opinion, as the fugitive, ao far as I know, hat never been heard of. He certainly did not appear in Washington to further annoy the Judge and his wife. He may atlU be running from a Nemesis that will qever overtake him. 1?idewrrisht. 1410, by W.CL Chapman.) .. - - WOTBttfcy how <? haTf ration* than it did wh6h~ltr owii omciair cettectgff the entire amount"?Washington Post. I? ~ Writing to the London Morning Post, a woman correspondent, advo cating the withdrawal of all hon? drawn cabs in London as a measure of humanity, puts in a plea for the horses of Paris. "Nearly every cab horse here," she says, "Is half starr ed, lame, has aprot and Is cruelly beaten and ill treated. It 14 quits dls ? to * - ?. - V- - BERNHARDT STILL YOUTHFUL The emotional, fervid and ever youthful Bern hard! la once again In our midat. With a rcper tolre of 24 playa, ahe will tour thla country for six mouths and will then visit Cuba and Mexico Of course, "the Divine Barah"- how many million tlmea haa ahe t>een called that??haa made the Inevitable statemeut that thla ia her farewell tour, but American theatergoera are hardened dlaillubioned. The inoat trusting patron of th* drama, whose wide-eyed bnMcf Id t in- truth ?>< many stage legends Is almost pathetic, becomea cyuicAl and peevish when the term "farewell tour" is used in connection with any celebrity, inost of all Barah of the burnUhcd tresses. Bflrntr has "farewelled" too often. Hut when you get right down to It. who wants her to retire, anyway? When a woman of ?7 can play the part of a lithesome lad of 19 -play It wonderfully, with ail the grace and vivacity which the role demands? why should she retire. Why shouldn't she go light, on playing until she's 100 If she wants to f it Harah has this Idea In mind?.and certainly It seems that she has she can count on Americans hacking her up for many a long year to come. It has been said ,ln fact one reads it in every account of Mme. Ilern hardt's career, thjit she looks barely half her age. That, of course. Isn't so; ,to say that the world-famous French actress appears to he only about .<4 off the stage "In real life" Is an exaggeration. Hut that her ilguro is as slender and straight as any girl's, her eyes bright and her complexion clear and healthy, cannot be denl?d. Interested in every question'of the day, well informed on many of them. a sculptor, painter and poet of no mean ability, as well as tho greatest living actress, Sarah Bernhardt Js a wonderfully interesting individual. One quality which she possesses to a marked degree is seldom mentioned and that is her womanliness?motherllness perhaps expresses this charactrlstlc better. Those near and d?ar to her?her son and his wife and the little grandchild to whom she Is devoted for instance?do not know her as "brilliant," "fascinating," "Intense," but merely as a tender-hearted woman of many lovable qualities. She keeps the dramatic, artistic side of her naturo for the sensation-loving public. GOVERNMENT HEALTH ADVISER When Theodore Roofievelt discovered some years ago that the Panama Canal could never be built until the yellow fever plague was con quered, he appointed a commission of medical men to discover the causo of the scourge and the means of preventing it. The splendid work of that commission everybody knows; but not .everyone Is aware that the members of the com mission were named by a private citizen, Dr, William H. Welch, of Baltimore. Dr. Welch has occupied for years the unique position of unofll cial adviser to the United States government In all large matters relating to the public health, There is hardly a single body that has to do with the national health which'docs not include Dr. Welch among Ub members. ? Ab president of the Rockefeller Institute for Medical Research in New York. Human Life says, he has helped to Inspire many of the great discoveries which have come out of that laboratory from I)r. Simon Flexner and others, Not long ago the Carnegie Institution In Washington needed a chairman for its executive committee, which has gen eral oversight of all the Institution's manifold scientific activities. Dr. Welch was elected, and although the Carnegie research workers are busy with many other problems besides those of medicine, he takes almost as much Interest in the institution's new non-magnetic yacht and Its observatory in the Andes as in his own particular subject. As .a pathologist Dr. Welch has won a world s ide reputation. Occupying the professorship in this science at Johns Hopkins University since Its foundation, he has made during the last twenty-five years many Important contributions to our knowledge of diphtheria, typhoid fever, malaria, Asiatic cholera, kidney troubles, and other diseases. Evidence of the high place Dr. Welch holds among the scholars and educators of this country was furnished recently when 100 of the leading scientists and teachers gathered in Baltimore at a dinner In his honor. They all agreed when Dr. Eliot referred to Dr. Welch as "beyond all question the leader of the medical profession in America." J. J. HILL 72 YEARS OLD James J. Hill, of St, Paul, celebrated his 72d birthday anniversary a -tew ? days ago. The heading reads, "J. J. Hill 72 Years Old." Per haps it would have been nearer correct if it read, "James J. Hill. 72 Years Young." If there is another ma,n in the United States who has passed the allotted time of three score years and ten, and, having done as much work in his lifetime as James J. Hill, "Empire Huilder of the Northwest," still retains as keen an intellect and can yet do as much important work in a day. St. Paul would like to know who he is. Mr. Hill's son, Louis \V. Hill, as president of the (Jreat Northern railroad, has relieved his father of much work, but in the offlre of presi dent of the board, James J. 11111 finds enough to do to keep him busy every day. . His hand is Btill on the helm and nothing escapes his notice. Evidence of Mr. Hill's keen ness of mind was amply given In the address he delivered beforo the Na tional Conservation Congress In St. Paul. Some of the epigrams Contained j tr> that address wlli be quoted In years to come. . ' I Mr. Hill's St. Paul home is on Summit avenue, a residence street equai- I hig In beauty any in the world. From the rear of his house Mr. Mill has a Tiow of the Mississippi river and the beautirul blufTs beyond that provides a picture no artist could truthfully portray. In his home are priceless collec tions of art. "During the big conservation congress In St. Paul recently," said Mr. I Will, "we talked about conserving water and conserving land; conserving coal und conserving Iron; It's too bad somebody didn't say a word al>out conserv ing common sense. That's what the country needs right now?to conserve, common sense." , [ JUDGE WHO TRIED CRIPPEN i.ora Alverstone. chief Juetlre of England, in the Judgo before whom Dr. Harvuy II. Crlppen was tried for the murder of his wife, and It was ho who sentenced the American dentist to be hangod. Lord Alverslono Ir regarded In England as having exceptional Judicial ability. l!o was born In December, 1842. the second son of Thom as Webster, Q. C., and Elizabeth, eldest daughter of Richard C,althrop. Swlneshead Abbey, Lincoln shire. He was educated at King's College School, at Charterhouse, nnd at Trinity College, Cam bridge, where ho was Scholar, thirty-fifth Wran gler, and third-class Classic. He became a liar-, rlster In 1868; Joined the South-eastern Service circuit; later, was appointed Tubman, and, after that, Postman, of the Court of Exchequer. He took silk ten years after he was caliph ne contested Bewdiey, and ?ve year? later he became M. P. for Launceston Prom the same year until 1900, when he was appointed Ix>rd Chief Justie of England, he was M. P. (Conservative) for the Isle of Wight. He was nt torney-general from 1885 to 1886, from 1886 to 1892, and from 189G to lioo In the laat-named year he became Master of the Rolls. In 1872 he marrtn* Louisa, only daughter of William Calthrop, of Wlthern, Lincolnshire The first part of the lord chief justice's summing up in the celebrate case consisted of an analysis of Crlppen's own story. After telling the Jum? they must be satisfied upor the evidence the crown had made out or otw wise the prisoner was ?otlUed to acquittal. Lord Alreratono Uie ' would agree..tlmt Crlppen. if.guilty. was-an extraordinary man who h?T committed a ghastly crime and had covered It up in most brutal and ????, manner. Ii Crlppen waa Innocent, the.Judge declared, it was ImDos?Hhi? * '? - - - - V|a mIbI . ' " ' PvoniuiO tO laxnom mi hiiuui ? i ?? >* ?" ?> ?? >?? * ?<r ? ??*??? * [ ??? w ?ivrirn uurnn t ui.r nm n -rtlf ~~ We An Do at Tlmee. He had worked hard to bring In hli The BoVocb fro* favorite story. At last In desperatiot ~1 f corporal punishment that no man can he stamped his foot and .hn?,-? return from school without shedding "Hark, children! What w? ,1 his team. Under him the echoel is Was that a gun? Now siHIki.,! L changed to butchefe shop.?Prom guns, that reminds mJ?? !?* Crooke s '"Things Indian." body's Magastne. Ev#rr WEAK, SICK I; PALEFACES 'r \ . . ?* : v.- *-?- ?\ Will Be Interfiled la Thit Sujge?. tion From tke P?i of a South Carolina Lady. Oramllng, 8. tWI vm so week," writes Mrs. Luta Walden, cf u?l? ' ilace, "when I began taking Cardul that It tired me to walk Just a Hula' Now I do all the .tewing, cooking washing and general housework, for my family of nine, and have not been In bed a day. "I was almost a skeleton, but now t weigh 160 pounds, and aw aUU gai? Ing. I think-Cardul the greatest rem edy for women on earth.'* You ladlea, who have pale face?, sallow complexions, and tired, worn' out expressions, need a tonic. The tonic you need Is Cardul, the Woman's tonic* Cardul Is the Ideal tonic (or women, becauae its ingredients are spedOoaV adapted for women's needs. Tb?y belp to give needed strength and vl tallty to tbe worn-out womanly frame. Being a vegetable medicine, contain ing no minerals or hablMorualng drugs of any kind, Cardul acta lu a natural way, and Is perfectly harmless and safo for young and old. In the past 50 years over a million ladles have been benefited by this standard woman's remedy. Wbj not you? Please Try Cardut. N. B.? \Vrit4 U: ' I^odlee' Advisory Dept., Chattanooga Medicine Co., Chattanooga. Tenn., for StttM Imiructiom, and 64 page book. "Homo Treatment for Wom en," sent in plain wrapper on request. At the One Horse. Jere L. Sullivan, the bead of tbe Hotel and Restaurant Employees' In ternational Alliance, Bald In Cincin nati, apropos of Labor day: "Our American hotels are better than tbey used to be, and for this bet terment my organization deserves no little credit. "We have today no such hotels m the One Horse of Tin Can, where, H you asked for a bath, they used to give you a shovel and tell you to go down to the hollow and dam the creek. "An English earl once visited tb? One Horse hotel. Tbe landlord with out ceremony led him outside, pointed to a window On the fifth floor, and said'. " 'Thar'e yer room.' " :? Note From Basswood Bugle. Somebody took the rope off the bell in the fire engine house ,to use for a clothesline, and now, when there Is a fire, the constable has to climb up into the tower and ring the bell with a hummer. Somebody took the ham mer the other day, and, when Hank Purdy's corncrlb ketched Are, the con stable had to hurry down to HUM* ker's store for to bjorry * hammer. HiUlker had lent his hammer to D^s con Renfrew, who lives four miles out in the country, and by the time the constable had got there and hunted around in the barn tof the hammer and got back to the engine house, the angry elements had done their worst and Hank's corncrlb was a mass of smoldering ruina.?Judge's Library. Schurz Was Sure of Him. Carl Schurz was dining one night with a man who had written a book of poems, bo called, and. who wda pleased with himself. The poet was discoursing on the time-worn topic of politics of the men who take offlce. "I consider politics and politicians beneath my notice," he said. "I do not care for office. 1 wouldn't be a .senator or cabinet officer, and I doubt if 1 could bo tempted by the offer of the presidency. For the matter of that, 1 would rather be known a* a third-rate poet than a first-rate states man." "Well, aren't you?" Schurz shouted at him. Got Out of the Habit. ' "I see you have got a young man stenographer?" "Yes." ? i. "Don't you think a pretty girl stenographer adds a great deal to the attractiveness of an offlCef" "I suppose Bhe does, but I cant dictate to a woman somehow. I s'poae it's because I have been married to iong." Precautionary. Tbe Millionaire?Doctor, is it abso lutely necessary to remove ihy ap pendix? "Not absolutely, but it is safer to begin with some simple' operation like that."?Life. Somehow the average mother doesn't think she is doing her duty unless she spoils her children. HEALTH AND INCOME Both Kept Up on Scientific. Food. flood sturdy health helps one a lot to make money. With the loss of health one's income is liable to shrink, if not entirely dwindle away. When a young lady has to make her own living, good health la her best asset. "I am alone In the world," writes a Chicago girl, "dependent on my own efforts for my living, 1 am a clerk, and about two years ago through close application to work and a'boarding house diet, I became a acinous in valid, and got so bad off it Iras almost impossible for me to stay In- the office a half day at a time. Jriend sugg* ?f Qr&pe-Ni making it a large part meals a day. "Todgy^-r dyspepsia, and all jrorkedMttd. brain and bw?,. owe tbe recovery the ability to income, ?ff&a P*f?. "T1 mm