Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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1 / < - •The Cliivton Chronicle, Clinton, S. C„ Thursday, April 5* 1934 ENCUSH UNITES SPORTS Sports In an parts of tn« wi^ald la beinc anUed bj tbe Kn|;l!sh lansuase. accordinit to a Eurttpc^n studeni, and football is one of tba^ipiniM with an almost ' aniTcrsal lan^ajre. The French plajj^ “foiUbalL"* and Spanish and South American cuontrios call It “el futbnl.'* which is near enojich. The Orman “oatslde*' winj; man scores a ‘‘jroaP in f4H»tball. he plays .“team** and dtH'S his •‘train InjT** if his oltih is playin? f«»r a “cup." And the pame lt.<**!f. as in prance. Is “footbalL” riayers in Fram'e, (^er mahj and Italy are ail penalived hy ' the referee If they have <N»mmltted a **6i)ul." In fact, no fo<*t!wtller nwd worry at^uit l**“inc trlsun(lerst**od anywhere In the w*‘r!d. *’tl<»al.’* “ofTl- side" and “center" are practically universal words ttnlay. 5 National Topics Interpreted by William Bruckart BRISBANE THIS WEEK Howe About: T • Writers Power of the Minority Dr. Pierce’* Pleasant Pellets are the orig inal little liver pills pat up CO years aco. ITiey rtgulate liver and bowels.—Adv. Too Mach Party Spirit If one i.*< a >tr.c! party man. he niny hclieve t >o ntucb th.it Hu t so. Akrcolized^ f(e^ps 5^Ain yi>c/ng Absorb blemtshcs and dbraferatloRS asng blcrcolized Wax dady as direr ted. Invisibla partiries of a^rd ai.in are freed' and all defects sorb as Uackbeads. tan. freckles and larae pores di^ppear. bkm ts tbea beauti* fully clear, velvety and ao aoft—face looks years younger. Mercolizcd Wax brings out your bidden beauty. At all leading druggista. •Powdered Saxoliti Raducca smnklaa and oChcr xe-wpis ' tnsoLtakta hail- ply diaaolvc one ouaoe » viUib baad and \m daUy as Uoa loUua. At ,r\rs « LNTLH s-u tho S»<:r- : Po ” r • f;»«ry h » If- i’jn> ; ,e • V- J ♦ o-nt r* J.t o' ■' • a 'ijf l.-rrl- lory Mohlo;. ib i s-a. U liluttfikl.m. N. C. i LIFE LONG'FRIEND' Keeps Them Fit at 70 ' THtlB MtnCIKl CHEST I I rot 20 VCAAS This safe. aTl- US4-' i i’. I'.n* V —hr : - - .‘n a'i dfi>,n'l..-. . a fanui.v >r <• .r- Ing thrir tr.iir < . •‘after fc'ft.r yi-ars. ' - ps them rrpu.tir — vea-f -afil r y *• .ir Ia1thf ;tl> — » it it fjrrrr an.v - 1 to Increa'*' th»- —* hvo »i>nil»T t?. 'r * vvrt.pj^ < f !.:• i^^> free from rompla'nta. Mi!U<jn>ut I-■ a i '-i.v^’ tN-re liable t: r Na"'-re« lb nn-dy sin-rirtle-n-* af!>1 r* -*■ t 'f -.u 'relininai^. live iract -saf; j carruvaa ay tb*- tmisous tliak brinit on bt .jJ- n<'Jn-s. r< briiou<«i colds. i n»''.'4. < ii-l a - '•€ l» 1 All druggisUi. Washippton.—It betrlns to appear that the principles of Nlt.\. upon which '• Pr^Tdent Koosevelt NR A NearB uas stcaked so much Tet are apitroaching a test. I N-.s^ittf'. the Roo.sevelt a.s.sertlon that .VIlA la herf to Ktay.'v jt seems that there are quite a few who are not satisfied with them. *rhey have revolted, at la.st. The challenge a[>{»ears to have beeii pveri. and It Is up to the admin-^ 1st rat Ion to fight it out now. It I* not t<K» much to say that If the admin istration Is victorious, .N'HA principles i^ln the nation g economic structure are here to stay. If it fails, the story will he (lifTerent and no one can say what tiie course then will be'. I>iaquieting conditions resulting from lala^ proviaiuQSy.uf.4lie codes, partlcit. iarly the automfihile industry code, the tiireats. the ruintiies, the dis.sension among political leaders, all constitute a cln-umstaiioe that must l>e examined together in order to rei-og^iixe the wri- ous nature of tlie test that confronts NKA. And when I nder to dis.senslon among (lolitician.s. I include not only the differeiKes of opinion on NKA; t lie disagr^rhefir Tiins“’Tirorh^-4ar4her- and embraces many {Hdnts of [»arty jHillcy. Indeed, on the basis of the un dercurrent of talk in congress. Mr. IliMisevelt has suddenly found him.self fatrd by a l»rem-h with tlie legislative body that is not going to be healed easily. The oircutn.slancos se^n by observ ers here in their efforts to piei'e the picture together demonstrate also the tiling Ho'iiinny jietiple long have be lieved. namely, that the<»nsts cannot g«t along together indefinitely. Mr. Ivooseielt’s brain trust, as It Is f>opu- larly lalled. has di.ss«*nslon in its ranks. .No two of tlie profe.ssurs np- Jiear to lie holiiing to tlie s.ime theo ries now, although agreeing thus far as to tile objective sought. They are Jealous of each other and some of tbom uctu.ally li:i\e\lK»eonie backyard gossip.s iibonl others.X U hich, to use mil old expression. Is ^ fine kidtle of, lish. To advi-rt again to the test of Nll.V iirim'ipW, ~t~he-s:tiiatiiiti as we^^ee 44 in Washington is simply tliis: a va^t segment ot industr.v has had'a craw full of iirofe.sslonal Uii*ories. It has found that codes eost imlustry money, redm e chances of profit and destroy u;:e old -trade prai lices. It is figlitiug hack, and it is not iini»ortani to tliis plia se oT TtTi^ dlscii^struT'Hntt Tndttstry TO • N IQM'*’ TOMoaftow aAicmt TUMS “ .'-k 'vtirf lor acid ind cr»- trjfu hrar^^'um <hilr lOc. CUTICURA For Skin Comfort f'utirura Soap ronuin^ the same iiirdicato-n tiiat liat made f'ulirura flinlmvnl the limt thought in the trratmrnt of pimplrs, e»-2rnia and uth«-T f-kin Srouhlc* — healing ca^v that wemr*! aliiiott ho|>«|r-*. f .ouDt on I Hlirura to keep your skin at it« best alwais. has sei/.ed on tlie coiiipatiy union as distinguished from r«*«ogin7ed Ameri can hederalion of I.4ilHir chajiters as the t.ssue in the opening laittle. Tlie administration lias started to fend off industry's challenge hy rt^- sortiiig' to a counter attack In the form of a deiiiuitd that hours of labor he shorteni-ii. It has accepted the cJiallciige of industry to the extent tliat It has called u{>on industry to use Its iiiiieh iiruil*ii “orgyiiizetl liidl- vidiialism'* to manage Its own affairs. Ami it is not umiss to (Miint nut Just here that tlie suia«*ss Industry lias with Its first venture on this line will be measured liy Ibe ainount of slai'k In unemployment which it ca’n take up. Wntf Btr sprrt«/ Md*r ttvr emrw mi tkt aiam Addrrv “CuikviTa,'* Drpt. 17S, VAkIva. Mm%m. NON FADING WALL PAPER LOVELV N£V PATTIRMS. LOW PWCCS FREE S««pl« Bo<Ai lAowit tk* b«ft and aotl bMutilMl cUkt*s—TS ckoKa papvn- Wrile Today For Your, FREE Cop^ MIDLAND W’ALL PAPER CO. IIO»-ini Third St .. IRON TON. OHIO r——CUT I an«3 tL.& iz - % ^ t ani yotjf I I nairiv 1 a tOttO A MICS«^) Ifbc^ I I H. Martea^aMR . Cliir I w . t * | I R fe X • I* r aj F | I flrrar. li.s - ^ ,.-_-cw ki: ■ And How! Man 1. ;s i: > ! - y ineruents- when a worry-;- , vd. Do you want to EARN MONEY? *5,000 *7,500 *15,000 Men oiWomen liu vttidi roa win paf ANSWER FROMFTLy l»v»a<i»nir WETLa ■" Ill Ortsia cl a OrocwdCo* rWOVtOlMC. YOU SAY, WITN YOUR OWM Lies. IM propoUQoa Is rtesa. •quart Aa4 eoattraniet. tisd cCers /ow Iht creslcst' •Oporvueite resr pretevieil t* eos to maXs rts/ ■tcj rtgAt to ytKY Laimo raemvaAtF- Vos bof «eo t4 tho C5 oijtoH rrtarOs rsaclAC sR W RSOOO ca«&. ooO Ao osifrmnoL Ui torn lUstrM •wd Um MntBCi •» to Sl.000 or omt* ptr ysor. ai«« Oruuo ftm MC tsesis. oaoesUoo. Mpcrl- SBMk oerasoOso. No i ADDMESSi r. O. BOXlOiS MINMCAFOUS. MINN. %NEED A TONIC? Moris Dexa oC oBi Poktas St.. Augxis- •i. Co., ssid: “I bxd A btsskdowa In tek weak ond bxd brxdochs xnd wxs I bxd BO ext I bad fcoidil infahrdope bottls of Os; Pkros‘x Goidot I Mriced A (raot and It is well to re'meiiilH*r, in lids con nectioii, tliat Mr. UiMi-evell and his adxisers have the Problem of , problem of rtdief on' Relief their hands. .\s I —- ret»of4e»I Home weeks ago, tlie t'WA form of taking care of a part of the unemployed Is to be dls- lurded liecaii.se, frankly. It has b*‘en a Hop. 'I'hat leaves only the priu. clples of NU.k.hy wliich ^iobs can lie auiipliiMl if they are to lie provided. Of course, tlie adniirilstnition has the responsibility of siifiplying work now. It started out with many high sound ing yilirases^abnut social wnd the itnemploynl are now wanting to know wlien .soi ial Justice la going to he worth souietiiing in the form of lieans for the Iwlly. Thus, It lM*coni»‘s plain how hitter tills struggle is to lie. The a'dminls- trution's political life apio^ars to l»e on the spoL It cannot, dare not, ad mit deteat. It prolmhly will not l>e defeated In It.s encounter with indus try. but one should not make the mis take of Iwdleving that victory will come easily, 'file conclusions I hear most freqiuuitly expri*.ssed indicate to me that the admiiitstration and Its NK.k Ideals will win eventually because ther«i .ajf“.._8o many ...more employ**e« than emiiloyebs.-'-Mr. ^ U•Hlsevelt can count uiM>n a majority of the people to l>e Indiind liltn. therefore, because the big majority are folks who work for their bread and butler. SOIf pres ervation continues to be the .first law of nature, despite theory. In the present situation, the issue has be«*n Joined chiefly on the company union question. It Is an outgniwih of the overreaching which 1 believe was done by 8UiH>orters of the American Feileratlon of l.abor In thejr demands when the national recovery act was written. I do not blame the feileration leaders. They, like every one else, are out to get for their adherents as much as they can. But their insistence for labor protection through the legisla tion and the influence which they wielded on General Johnson appar ently. aa viewed from this point, were a little bit too strong. In other words, they went so atrong In their demands .that they, canaedi the employers to fight back. • ' The>NRA provisiiins on labor call for unionizing all employeeji. The Atrerican Fe<Icration of iJilior says that means affiliation with their insti tution and it haa fought bitterly for that result Industries and employers geiieralfy di.sagree wUh that idea, (ieneral Jo!ins»n Tias sided with labor. He has iHinald ItJchberg. a long-tima attorney for lalnir unions, as his right hand man in NIt.k. and Mr. KIchberg surely has hacked up the general’s plans, if. indeed, he did not formulate them. ^ • • • • As a ctiunter Irritant In the situa tion. some o! the employers have con- ’ tended that If em- Counfer pinyees In their ro- irritant apei-tlve N plants or^ gariized themselves into a union of their own, there was compliance with the law. They have insi.vted on this to the extent of re fusing to deal on wage questions with any delegates excepting those from their own plants. A negotiator alUllat- ed with the American Feileration of Ijiiior was welcomed In those plants Ju.st as warmly as most of us welcomo a_ rattle snake. As a further bit of likstory, Inirotrtil be rtH-alled that Mr. IliKisevelt early smelled the trouble that could coma under the labor provisions, ao he set up the national labor board, of w’hich Senator Holn-rt Wagner, of New York, Is the chairman. It was to be soino- thlitg of -an apiieals IniarvI, a body for- review of complaints. Hut somehow, that body also construed the law an against cfimpany unions and the em ployers were balkeil aggin.' So now there l.s a definite and con certed effort to break down the pro gram tliat an organization of employees niij.st >>e afiiliuted with the American I'ederatlou of I.ab«>r liefore It is ac ceptable to the powers that lie in Washington. It is a row that is go- Faacism Next? Healthy Policemen Is the Craze a Blessing? The Shotgun Marriage rMctatqrship arid Fascism hold Italy, Turkey, Uussia. Germany, and threat en. Prance^ and Englafid. There is no rea.son why Fa.'h-lsrn should not coma here in the wake of Industrial chaos. If It does come, it will appear In the V shajie that will not please either cap- ltal\pr labor—capital, which wkshea cvuiifort. luxury a'lid increasing profits, and lalMir, that wants to rule comfort ably out of harm’s way. through union 1 politl<». and would have no stomach for the gain^ a.s Mussolini and Hitler and Stalin play IL Avoid Worry - ' ' O. BsU SzndloAtx.—WNU Ssrrios. It 'I Six thousand policemen, members of the Holy Name society in New York, ' pledged never to take the name of God In vain, are evidently all healthy po licemen. They breakfasted together after atterwllng masa Sumlay, aivd-t4dw • Is what they ate; grajiefrult, 1I!00 pounds of oatmeal. 24,000 scram- | bled eggs, 2.1100 roast chickens. 4,r>00 pounds of iHitatoes, 12,000 sausages, l.OOri pounds of sugar. With this breakfast they, drank 000 gallons of coffee. KIO quarts of milk, l,2rj0 quarts of cream. Mr,- Octavua. Koy Cohen, writer, wys: “The craze for contract bridge hurts social life. It has eliminated tho art of soi'ial conversation.’’. It grieves Mr. Cohen that wbm^n should “play bridge five afternoons and five nights a week." -If he had Yteard some of tliese wom- By ED HOWE /^.N’E of the best of’the modern wrlt- era confesses he hates .fiction; that the novel is a. dying form; that the world la tiring of everything arti ficial, and turning to things sober and true; that there are so many books that producing and writing them has become a “racket" . . . This is fur ther than I care to go. although 1 care as little, for fiction as anyohe. s' • s 1 frequently charge that niauy noted writers are notf understandable be cause of overwrought figures of sfieech and poetifeal fancies not properly be longing in any sound mind or print It is not a new complaint. “So Rob ert browning and Klizahetb Barrett 'have gone off togetlier,” said Sidney Smith, when their marriage was an nounced; “I hope they understand each dUiet;,4mL-OM else-jioea.’’ ' s • s An Idle young fellow (who plainly gives too much of his time to sport) lately called on the editors of the small town in which he lives, and in duced them to print a communication declaring that another football sta dium la needed, ulthuiigh the town al ready has at least tw^i football fields good enough (one 'of them llglited for ntgbt gniueaj, TIME NOT WASTED I Mott Perplexing • ' “How’s your new cook?" asked I Jones’ naighbor. ing to continue for some wei*ks. Thera will Ik* strikes of greater or less con- siHiueiii e; there may l>e some riots and s«>tue IdiHidslied, and surely there will i>e much oratory, very little of wliich will be from (leople who are en engaged In’ wiiat he calls “the art of conversation” he might be glad that the bridge craze came along. bridge Is simiily one of many sub stitutes for thought, a imlnful process for nearly all human beings, and one of the nilld<‘r. substitutes. Other BUt>- atitutes are drugs, atcoiiol, tobacco and various kinds of sports tliat take men back to the monkey [leriod and let them comfortalily down on all fours. X~(dog,~niTigTi( to walk on ITS hTfi,d^ legs, likes the task no-more than a nian. recently tauglit to tliink, likes thinking. I was displeased with the editors for printing so foolish a suggestion dur ing unexampled hard times, arid told my women folks (In the usual vigor ous fashion common to submerged men) that tliere was no prospect what- “iver of the proposal being coiwldered. The young fellow convinced me again 1 am often mistaken. Within a few days he bad all the clubs In town considering his suggestion with con- sideruble favor. Tfie papers printed a long list of prominent citizens who had promised to “look into it." and who seemed favorably di.spo.sed. At this writing there is a fair prospect that this young fellow will win anotlier The Irate parent stormed up" and down the room before the rifervous- looking young man. "What, sir!” he shouted. “You have the nerve to come to ray oflBca to ask for my daughter? Well, I might as well tell you that you could have saved yourself the Journey." 'The suitor sighed wearily. “Well, that’s all right, sir,” he said. “You see, I jhad another message to deliver In the same building.” "Quite satisfactory," said Jonea. “We’ve only one complaint to mako about her.” “And what Is that?” hla neighbor Inquired. “It’s most annoying.” explained Jones. "We can never tell whether she is singing because she Is happf at her work, or whether she baa burnt herself and Is In pain." A Word of Apology “Republics are ungrateful,” said tlie readymade philosopher. “Well,” rejilled Farmer Corntossel, "all the governments 1 ever read about got Imposed on so often that you couldn’t blame ’em for growln* sort o’ cynical an’ suspicious."— Washington Star. A Word of Hop* He—I sliall never marry until I meet a woman who Is my direct op posite. She (encouragingly)—Well, Mr. Duffer, there are numbers of intelll- vlctory. over Lhou.sands of fairly sen- gent girls In this neighborhood. -with aH—phases ^ 4ba- prohtem. As a part and purciY of the Ruosi^ vji'li attack, or counter movement, against opponents of the NR A, It is generally believed in Washington that tlie l*rcsiileiit used his (niwers to pre vent any government purchases from manufacturers xitber Tban Those-com plying with NRA provisions. It waa a ue« k or more ago that he Is.sued tho executive order that pmiiides tho award of government contracts to any ladder not a menilier of .NilA. Somo oliMTvers here are saying that this order is going to cost tlie government a considershie sum of money. It has tlie effect of limiting the number of Iddders. Although one may say that nearly every firm of consequence la flying the blue Llagle, there are very few that have not In some way or other violated its pnivisiuiKH. I do not charge that they have done so Inten tionally; the facts indicate the con trary, but there have been thousands of violations wholly because It S(H*ms iin|HissibIe to meet every requirement all of the time. s • • The air mail conti^versy continues to rise up to plague the Roosevelt admin- . . Istratlon. I Judge, Air mail from the current coD<*- Controvergy versatlon in Wash ington. that sundry aiiuilniKlration officials would willingly uii.ss a omple of g«MMl meala if they couhl rtT'Tact and cause iieople to for- get the Jilie made at CoL Charles JL Lindbergh because his aviation coni- p.nny releas«‘d Ills protest about can cellation of the air mail contracts bo- fure it WAS delivered to the President. That Wliiie House statement saying that the transatlantic flyer was dla- courteotis to Mr. Roosevelt flits around like a fiy In the room when you want to sl«*ep late. The White House and the War dw- liartment Insist that their attempt to get Gohmel Lindlx^rgh on the army aviation investigating committee waa made be»*ause of the coloners superior knovvieilge of aviation. Yet, all denials to cimtrnry and all insistenoe of sin cerity have not downed a widespread belief that ap|>o]ntnient of the colonel was ho|H*d to eenre as an antidote,' a. sleeping potion, to off.set his criticism of the contract cancellation. Political observers here are point ing out that administration made ao ill-advised move in seeking to apfvotut I.Indliergh without first having gone through a quiet move to find out his reaction In an Informal way. That usually Is done with appointments •Qj^ failure to have emissaries go around and ask the colonel whether he would serve on the .Investigating committee left him In a position to do some more talking. If he accepted, of course, he would not do any more talk- tng about the cancellation of contracts It would have been Improper-for him, as aotnethlDg of a Judge, to convict before be heard the evidence. Those who kno4 the colonel Intimately say he would hare observed the rulee. But, Colonel IJndbergb did not accept, and when be refused to be maneuvered into a positioD of silence. If It waa a maneuver, be could protesf again wUIl assurance that It would let country^ wide publicity. It did Just that (0 ^r Wsstsvw Nswsrwpsr Unloa. F.iIvution army authoritli*s In Plor- -^“Ida annoiincy a—new viow—tif-an^ nld— moral question, sometimes ilescrlhed ^as “doing Tight hy our Nell." ^ Mrs. George A. Stephan, wife of Ad jutant Sleplian, wliose work is help ing girls out of irouhle, no longer believes In the old “shotgun” marriage idea. " Ideas have ehanged; Mra Titephan finds, and puhlic opinion, tliut of wom en esiieelally, is not as cruel as It used to be. . The young unmarried motlier may find a place in life. Mrs. Stephan helps her to fiml It, ami does not ad- ; vocate the compulsory marriage, which was once tiiuught a cure for all Buch ^ ^ troubles. ; John ('urry. sentenced to life Iin- pri.sonuieiit four years ago wlien only lift«M*n. for hel|iing in a “witch mur der" In Pennsylvania, is develo|ting ar tistic talent in prison. His pictures have tieen exliibited, important artists visit and show Interest in him. The young convict-artist says, “The work means a great deal to me be cause It makes tiie outside world, which I may never see again, real to me." The French government, disturbed ^by rei*erit riots caused by finanolnt cor- ' ruption. In which government ofticlalt i ; shared, worries uhout unem|)loyinent, although, compared with otliers, F'rench ’ Idleness amounts to nothing. Young men leaving the army are invited to ; re enlist, and not swell the ranks of the Idle, and men out of work who ; have been in tlie army during the Inst I five- years, wTilch- means practically every sound man under Tor ty In France, ? are invited to go Into the army until ; times are better. Men ,in the French army work on , roads and otherwise, and they are I used, which would horrify labor In this ' country, as strikebreakers in case the ; emidoyees of the government-owned- railroads go on strike. In fact, French ! strikers have been conscrliited and or- dered to work, or be shot Attorney General ('ummings asks congress for new legislation to help ^ crush the crime underworld, and you will hope that congress will consent, * In view of official statement that or- ; ganized crime ’'has more people under arms than there are in tlie army and ; navy of the United States.” It not only has more [leople under arms than j the army and navy. It has more thaa I the army and navy In and around New York city alone. ‘ President Roosevelt will not be alto- gether pleased with statements by able ; young commercial flyers, telling him i what he ought to do. I F. D. Roosevelt, after all, Is head of i the army antUuavy, aud also of the. Post Office department Mra. Caroline Phillips, born June 2R, ISCT. le dead i*' Florida, In three months she would have been one hun dred and seven years old, and Florida calls that an excellent recommends tlon for her climate. California will reply that If the lad.v bad lived in Los Angeles she would have lived several years longer.' . C, lUac PsAtures SynSleats. lae. slide citizens who are being outraged and mined by unnwe.ssary wa.ste, hut who are afruiil to ’as.sert tliemselves even in tlie |ire.sence of hoys (to say nothing of tlieir fear of. old siddlers, stutesnten. women, pniiclnTs, ednen. i ror¥"ahdT<iotlsIrigotiTitirig committees), j • ' -i. I ha/e observed tliat when I worry. It' hurts me as much as eating too much uiisnitable food. . . . Organize a Don't Worry clnh of your own, as I have done, and see how stiff yon can keep your n|»iH‘r llj» in avoiding cause ; for worry ;Tnen u»naHy worry becauaa i - they have neglected somettiing they should have attepded to. s’ s s In my eightieth year I have an am bltlon to candidly write a summary of what I finally think of all I bt^ve ea- counteri'il In my long Journey, tlie writing to be brief, easily understood, re.siM*ctahle and honest, but writing has so long lieen exaggerated, unfair, long drawn out, .comidicated, irrele vant, iiartlsan, that in attempting the task, 1 find 1 have alisorbed so much of tlie bad 8tyl^-*^am illscouraged. The excuse amd intention of writing in the first place must have been to make honest records of transactions yesterday for use today and tomorrow If a merchant or his clerk makes note of shlinnent of peaches to a cus toiner, why should he encumber his writing with mention of bliislies, or down, or culor. In the peaches? The customer will remark this. If he cares fo. when the shrimieTir arrives. Or If the merchant wishes to Indicate on his bill tliat the pt*aches were shipped last night, there Is no nwesslty to men tlon the unionllglit. If there was any; the customer will not be Interested In the growth of literature writing men have developed so many bad hah Its. and I have learnt*d so many of them. I urn unalile to express myself aa fittingly as I wish to. • • • We human creatures are said to la the best kjiecluiens of living things The greatest of our tiny amhltlons should be to make the most creditahl/ history possible for future professors trr write alMiut. Will readers wlio con sider us a thousand or a million yearx In the future say we did. roasonablj well, or will they say we iilayed thi^ game badly? In the distant future a man may find your skull, and carry It to colleges, museums and laboratories for examination. What will the pro feasors say thous^^nds of years in the future of the IP.'M man? WIH the.x sfTeak as well of us as, our professor? PRETTY WELL “CLEANED" "George has offered me his naraa" “ThaUi all he has left now, alnca he’s been going with you." tha Clevnr Lad Teacher—Why was Solomon wisest man In the world? Boy—He had zo many wives to ad vise him. Teacher (a strong minded woman) —Well, that la not the answer in tha book, but you may go up to the head of the class.—Royal Arcanum buUa- tin, » an- Profitabls Plaj “We’re going out to play,’' nounced the oldest boy. “Don’t go climbing trees over in Benson’s orchard,” said the praetKaT'’ housewife. "It’s time enough to tear your trousers when Uie applet are ripe." Only Exceptions Johnson — There isn’t anything these bandits wou’t take nowadaya Bronson—Oh, yes there gre. Johnson—Yeah? What Is there? Bronson—They take neither heed nor warning. , ■* ^ The Soup Boardinghouse Waitress (during -Joun £aui3e)—Water,_altl_ Guest—No, tlianks. I have a plate ful already.—Royal Arcanum Bulle tin. aho Divorce Made Easy “What a charming girl! la unmarried?” “Yes, for the third time.”—Vart Hem—(Stockholm). THE FUVOR LA-ST-S ] ' I ^ - ;i now speak of the old Greeks? s s s Every day I think: "I’ll do better tomorrow." And usually tomorrow I repeat what I did yesterday . . . Occasionally 1 do a little better be cause of my resolves; what little im provement I have made has been be cause of them, a a • Men have been ‘thinking about life a good many years without anyone discovering much that Is new. It la affmltted we have copies of books written thousands of years ago, and these early authors were as good as any of the men writing new; some say they were better. So If you have a reme/dy, aa a result of your thinking, bore your neighbors as little as poa sible with it: the chances are a million 'o one It doesn’t amount to anything: Rlther your pteu can’t be put Into •ffect (the usual trouble with plana) or It has been tried and faileiL ‘tm>,