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t , v > 1MB v iv'/ *r? v-.; # Oh, You Qwan, Albert. , "What hare you In the package In year pocket, Albert?" asked his wife, as Albert wiped the snow from his Am on the rug In front of the door, ramered his steam-covered spectacles, chafed his frosty ears with his numb Angers and laid his Icy cheek tenderly against his wife's neck. ,"WeII. Ill tell you. Marie, being's It's pad It Is who asks. You've often heard af the proverbial pocket In a shirt, ha veal you? I thounrht ?n tm? u I something different. It's a shirt in a packet." GL B. Helms of Philadelphia wants esmpulsory naturalization of all aliens ta America. A Message YOU know the real human doc tort the doctors made of flesh and t souls and hearts: those men wh deed of night as readily as in th to tell yon the good that Fletcher' wU do, from theft experience and the Fletcher's Caatoria is nothing trj an experiment. We just want t ec buying Fletcher's. Your physician will tell yon tl tor of imitations on the market, a tto welfare of your baby. Boralne k..? ? ?* For MALARIA, CHILIS and FEVER. The Kaiser In Indiana. William I>. Kilter of the Farmers nil Merchants' hunk of Winchester was riding in his automobile when he met Mrs. A. L. Nichols, wife of Alonzo Nichols, candidate for Judge of the appellate court from this district. Accompanying Mrs. Nichols was her grandson, four years old. When the two met, Mth. Nichols said :"How do you do, Mr. Klzer." As soon ns lie rtrald soenk th?> fnilr-v??n-nl.l milH SJrandinn. Is (liut til** kaiser?"?Indianapolis News. . Growa'a TwtritM chill Toalc aattuia ih? malarial prnii which arw tranamlttod to (ha wood b j kha Malaria Muaqnito. FrlowOOo. It*a u mighty poor sport who won't jdajr tin* game according to the rules. Japan has 13,000,000 men of army Me. I Packers' I Are Re; Ijgj The public shoi ljjr the profits of the ] ? limited by the Fo since November 1, 1 I I pose, the business o |p is now divided into 1 oj|Class 1 includes su< |f: pork, mutton, Bp others that are tUii.:?; products. Pro! ?jjl- per cent of the < k | ! theae depart mei wj ~ | plus and borrov Rut to exceed two a each dollar of sj Class 2 includes Ifip fertilizer, and i OflKl more or less a H| meat business. gj| j partments are ii m|i| outside busines Bffcjjj are not limited. iiSy are restricted tc Sjiy capital employe Li|; ; Class 3 includes ou g{(;.; such as those i I the operation ol foreign countric class are not lin Total profits f< together in 1918 between three and an increased volumt The restriction Kg antee a reasonable Hg live stock prices ar B| prices, because the Bis not possibly avera fraction of a cent pe Since the profit! K| are running only ab Wy dollar of sales, we 1 By the profits from s< Ha (Class 2, also limited El ments, (Class 3) to Hrc| earnings on capital. Big Swift & Comp BBS its business so as to H limitations. I Swift & Com] j^B^^BMMHMHBBHHBHHPHHHBBHHHBHH^I * ' All In th? Day's Work. An English Tommy or a French Pollu still has a heart of Invincible stoutness ; but in his fighting he has become like the famous Baron Vere: "Had one seen him returning from a victory one would by his silence have suspected that he had lost the day! and had he beheld him In a retreut he would have deemed him a conqueror by the cheerfulness of his spirit." For them it Is all in the day's work.?Elisabeth Frnzer In the Saturduy Evening Post. Life of a Zoo Elephant. Zoo Visitor?"What's the average life of a *oo elephunt?" Attendant? "Just one dang peannt after another." to Mothers i right around in your neighborhood I dood just like yon: the doctors with i0 are responding to your call in the e broad daylight; they are ready b Castoria has done, is doing and Ir love for children. new. We are not asking you to o impress upon you the importance lis, as he knows there are a nomad he is particularly interested in ^nature of xH@Kin >LD FOR SO YEARS. ALSO A riNC GENERAL STRENGTHEN' ING TONIC. Sold by All Drag Store* Blame* for Women. One of the speakers at the retail tradesmen school ait the Astor house In New York predicted that . men's neckties would run to glaring colors next season. Like all men, since the days of Adum, he laid the odium upon the women, so many of. whom have taken the places of men clerks. These women, he says, nre hound to show the young man who comes to buy the pink and glaring blue "creations" and they, of course, cannot dispute tip- opinion taht such colors ure Just their style, nnd so having bought will have to wear the guy neckties. IA U I ? i iMiiuiny m\ iu mm. "Ad," said Eve, coyly, as she winked at the snake unbeknownst to Adam, "you are the one itiuii In the world for me.'" Then she handed him the apple. ' Profits j j emulated ild understand that packers have been od Administration 917. For this purf Swift & Company three classes: :h products as beef, oleomargarine and i essentially animal its are limited to 9 :apital employed in nts, (including surved money), or not nd a half cents on ties. the soap, glue, other departments ssociated with the Many of these de- | n competition with jj}|| ses whose profits I II Profits in this class j > 15 per cent of the i| j itside investments, ! i n stock yards, and j j; f packing plants in ; jj rs. Profits in this | ij lited. jj 3r all departments i!j will probably be four per cent on [I i of sales. j| j s absolutely guar- I relation between || H u VI1IUICJOIC I1JCOI jllll packer's profit can- |j ge more than a jl r pound of product. I 5 on meat (Class 1) jj! out 2 cents on each ill lave to depend on Sjj oap, glue, fertilizer jj I) and other departi obtain reasonable j|| any is conducting ' HI come within these jj 11 pany, U. S A. | | U and instantly the room is U HI flooded with a brilliant H| l|| light. This convenience is III mil possible in your home, UK |t|fl barns and sheds with ulL | DELCO-LIGHT | Ul This complete electric W S lighting plant will supply H Ul all the light you require; III III also ample power for the M| Hlfl churn, cream separator, HI rrf washing machine, etc. Pays Q M for itself in a very short Bin I! ' ^0me ^ ^ mem E Good for Malaria, constipation 3 E biliousness ?a fine tonic. 9 i, Guaranteed or money back I | A?K your dt'aWr | Bchrons Dru( Co.. Waco.Tex. (fl W. N. U., CHARLOTTE, NO. 35 -1918. FIND HUMOR IN AD COLUMNS Notices Not Intended to Be Funny, but 1 Are Made So by Their Peculiar Wording. Advertisements arc vagarious tilings sometimes, as, for example, these, which were all actually printed: "A respectuhle young wotaua wants washing." "1 will make coats, cups, und bous for ladles out of their owu skins." I ? .... - * < vwuii uu infrsirr wno can unit* cure of r.,?KM) sheep who can speak French fluently." "Wunted?A girl who can cook ; one that will make a good stew." "1 wunt a husband with a strong Houinn nose with strong religious tendencies." "I will sell a tlddle of old wood I made out of my own head and have wood left enough for another." "For Sale?A small stock of the same whisky drunk hy Ids majesty on his recent, visit to Dublin." "One hundred dollars' reward for the recovery of the body of Hale Short, drowned in the river on the night of the 17th. The body can he recognized hy the fact that Short had an impediment In his speech." GIRLSl USE LEMONS FOR SUNBURN, TAN : Try Itl Make this lemon lotion to whiten your tanned or freckled akin. Squeeze the Juice of two lentous Into a bottle containing '.hree ounces of Orchard White, shake well, and you have a quarter pint of.the best freckle, sunburn and tan lotion, and complexinn whltener, nt very, very small cost. Your grocer has the lemons and uny drug store or toilet counter will supply three ounces of Orchard White for a few cents. Massage this sweetly fragrant lotion Into the face, neck, arms and hands and see how quickly the freckles, sunburn, windhurn and tan disappear and how clear, soft and white the skin becomes. Yes! It Is harmless.?Adv. All Verger Cared About. The late Isiril Alverstone's love of music made him for many years a member of the choir at Kensington parish church. A good maiiv curious folk unit to Sim* tin- unusual spectacle of an attorney general In a surplice, hut were not always utile to identify 111 in. tine of these visitors asked the verier \\ liieh of I lie eholriiien was the attorney general, and received the dignified reply: ' Thill's the vicar, them's the curates, I'm the verger, and so long as the choir gives satisfaction It's not my business to inquire into the antecedents of any of 'em."?London Chronicle. Stomach Trouble* and Pysentary canard (r <u> l>rln*lng |co Walor <<J from sleeping ? -r ? ...... nuumu uv ruccirq inimruiatair I,Hi a bottla of UKOVHS HiHT HOW ML MHPICINH, a aafa and aura mmody for Hdodm irlarrboeaa. It la Juat aa affeoUva 'or AdalU aa for Child ran. Poverty Is no ilistcrure if you've spoill your money for war purposes. Alaska fishery prmluots for 1917 were valued at $r?l,40r>.2<?o. When Your Eyes Need Care Try Murine Eve Remedy ?lo Smarting ? Juii K;n Comfort. 8U canta ah irugalau or mull. Wrlta for Kraa Bya Booh. UCK1NK 1CYK KKMKOY CO..CHICAGO THE JOY OF MOTHERHOOD Came to this Woman after Taking Lydia E. Pinkham's , Vegetable Compound to Restore Her Health Ellensburg, Wtah.?" Aftur I vm married 1 was not well for a lonsr time Hand a good deal of the time waa not able to go about. Our greatest desire was to have a child in our home and one day my huaband came back from town with a bottle of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound and wanted me to try it | It brought relief | ' ? from my troubles. ; I improved in health so I could do my , housework; we now have a little one, ail I of which I owe to Lydia E. Pinkham'e Vegetable Compound."? Mrs. O. S. Johnson, R. No. 3, Ellensburg, Wash. There are women everywhere who I long for children in their homes yet are denied this happiness on account of i some functional disorder which in most cases would readily yield to Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. Such women should not give up bona Until they have given this wonderful medicine a trial, and for special advice write Lydia E. Pinkham Medicine Co., Lynn, Mass. The result of 40 yean experience is at your service. VGBH 11 Will reduce Inflamed, Strained, 11 Swollen Tendons. Llsraments. | %M or Muscles. Stops the lamenessutd | A pain from a Splint, Side Bone or y Bone Spavin. No blister, no hair gone and horse can be used. $2. SO a fVa bottle at druggists or delivered. Describe your case for special instructions and interesting horse Book 2 R Free, i ABSORBINE, JR.,theantiseptic linimentfor mankind, reduces Strained, Torn Liga- ' tnenta. Swollen Glands. Veins or Muscles; Heels Cuts. Sores. Ulcers. Allays pain, Pries . SI.21 sboTtlrat dealers or delircrcd. Book "Erldencs" Ires. W. F. TOUHG. r. D. F, 310 Tcmpls Strest, SprlnplsM, Hut. ent yanr grocery bill In half. Have plenty to eat, 1 and get well and keep well, which the Uovernment want* everyone to dn In order to be efficient In all things and accomplish their rightful desires. This man has been trained at a big expense for the express purpose of showing yon how. For fall Infor(nation address ten rent stamp to Kat for Health and Efficiency Man. Plalnflcd. Indiana Clear Your Skin While Yoa Sleep with Cuticura P All druggists i Soap 26. Ointment S A 60, Talcum 25. Sample eaoh free of "OaMsara. Dot. E. Bottom" MOST GOLFERS 1"ILL SAY SO Only One Classification for Player Who Would Make Such a Claim as That. I "Pa." .said Tommy, who had raddled one afternoon at one of the golf rlulis. ] "is a man a good golfer If he knocks j , the hall one hundred and twenty-five ( yartls?" ".Inst n novice, my son." I "Well. If he knocks the hull two hull- | dretl and fifty yards?" "Mlirlttv mmfl ' Ho'u tttliplsif , . ... c If he rim do that, my boy." I "Well, pa, what If he knocks it two | hundred and seventy-five yards?" I "He's a splendid player. Tommy." | , replied pa, as lie once more fastened his eye on the newspaper. "Well, pa, what If he knocked the j hall three hundred and twenty-tlve j ( yards?what would he he then?" | , "I'robnhly a liar, my son. Now you ; < had better kiss mamma and go to lied." j , Sure to Miss Him. Father was sitting in tlu den taking ! a peaceful smoke, when there came j from the parlor a noise that sounded 1 like a cross between the sigh of a pine ! , tree and the wall of a locomotive. With something akin to strong language he rose and went downstairs. In the hall he met his daughter. "Say, Bessie," queried the old man. "what Is the ugltation In the parlor?" "Charley." was the response of Bessie. "He Is singing 'I Wonder If lie Will Miss Me?'" "Yes," answered dad, regretfully. "1 ! can't see to shoot straight at night, , nd I am too rheumatic to kick." Quite Natural. "Some of the chiefs of the departnents are very pompous." "Yes, hut then It Is In order for official bureaus to have big nobs." flermnny uses sand as soap suhstl t UltT. 3^3 ^5**// jw ? [1 cjf\c Wear and Tear on that boy ot yours during the active years of childhood and youth necessitates a real building food. Grape-Nuts supplies the essentials for vigorous minds I and bodies at I any age. I "There's a Peasorf* I Ka* 1 f a run n nnrcw'T I n vuihw uvluii i LAUGH AND PLAY IF CONSTIPATED LOOK, MOTHER! IS TONGUE COATED. BREATH FEVERI8H AND 8TOMACH 80UR? CALIFORNIA SYRUP OP FIQB" CANT HARM TENDER 8TOMACH, LIVER, BOWEL8. tomorrow. Children simply will not | tuke the time from play to empty their i bowels, which become clogged up with x wnste, liver gets sluggish, stomach ? sour. j , Look at the tongue, mother! If , coated, or your child Is listless, cross, ; feverish, breath bad, restless, doesn't x ent h?*artlly. full of cold or has sore throat or any other children's all- , ment, give a teaspoonful of "Call- | fornla Syrup of Figs," then don't x worry, because It Is perfectly ha ridless, and In a few hours nil this constipation poison, sour bile and fer- , mentlng waste will gently move out of | the bowels, aud you have a well, play- < ful child aguln. A thorough "Inside cleansing" Is oftlmes all that Is neces-' sary. It should be the first treatment given In any sickness. I , Beware of counterfeit fig syrups. ( Ask your druggist for a bottle of "Cal- t lfornla Syrup of Figs," which has full directions for babies, children of 1 all ages and for grown-ups plainly J printed on the bottle. Look carefully , and see that It Is made by the "Call- j fornla Fig Syrup Company."?Adv. RUSSIA NEVER REAL NATION . Pessimistic Muscovite Explains the < Trui Situation in thas P n rmar 1 Empire of the Czar. j 1 "We're a nation of artists and sav- 1 ages. You can roach us through our ' feelings?give us a poem, a play, a ] picture, ami we can Imitate it, or even f Improve on it. You scud us cannon"? ' 1 He raised both arms helplessly and dropped them. "You thought Russia was a huge ] country. That was a fiction built up ? l?y the old regime, which meanwhile , Intrigued with tJermuuy. As a mat- t ter of fact, Russia extends for a few < hundred kilometers, north, south, east 1 ttnd west of Moscow. The rest was a ' J foreign country, held together by force. ' It might become a federation and grow Into something like your United States, hut It never was a nation In the real sense of the word. "You think we're a great ngricutlural country. Another fallacy. We tuive land, lint no agriculture. Our peasants dunce on their fields instead >f fertilizing them. "Foreigners have been very naive. They assumed *ve were modern, strong and capable because of a few fine things we sent to them. They read Tolstoi or saf Pavlova and said Ah!?a great people! They saw greatness through the entrechat of some ballerina's legs.' " Fruit High in Belgium. You wouldn't want to pay .SI for I two pounds ami a half of apples, ivould you? Well, that's the current price in Belgium, and if you wanted lhat many russets you would have to pay up to $1..'10, even though they would be specked and full of worms Other fruits have about the same prices: I'ears, 45 cents apiece; lemons. 30 cents each, ami grapes about $2.50 it pound. Recently at Liege piekled herring were plai'ed on sale; the ration was one herring to a person, at the price of 51 cents apiece.?Belgian Bulletin. No Older Than Your Face. Is true In most cases. Then Keep your face fair and young with Cutieura Soap und touches of Cutlcura Ointment as needed. For free suinples address, "Cutlcura, Dept. X, Boston." Sold by druggists and by mall. Soap 25, Ointment 25 and 50.?Adv. His Luck. "Did your wife go for you when you i?ot home last night?" "Xo; for once 1 was in luck. The people In the flat next door were hav- I In a spat and my wife was busy lis lciiimk. iMtniiin miu*eri|H. Testimony. C\?j>?"Folks n?-i their punishment in ' this world. I>im. Kvery criminal I pver know had several wives.** Kansas City Is paying six-rent fares i>n street railways. Are You Bit With that gassy, pufi heart ? For PA" FOR V You can fairly feel It wo body and Rmmvm Qaickly?Indices Get EATONtC from yomr , to* IK a?l?" B?A44nm r ?J> aWli \ I I I Just Once! Try D<x Take No Calorr If bilious, constipated, hes relief without takin which sickens Stop using calomel! It makes you I aiplr nnn'f Inoa a rlov*o I# i*ah I reel lazy, sluggish, bilious or constlpated. listen to me I Calomel Is mercury or quicksilver, which causes necrosis of the bones. Calomel, when It comes Into contuct with sour bile, crashes Into It, breaking it up. This Is when you feel that awful nausea and cruniplug. If you are "all knocked out," If your liver is torpid and bowels constipated or you have headache, dizziness, coated tongue, If breath is bud or stuiuaeh sour, Just try a spoonful of harmless Dodson's Liver Tone. Here's my guarantee?Go to any tlrug store and get a bottle of Dodson's Liver Tone for a few cents. Take a spoonful tonight, and If It doesn't He Got Disgusted. A letter from my brother In Callforlia was received three months after le went to camp. As soon as they vere in camp they were quarantined is usual, for ten days. Then a ease >f smallpox broke out and they were innrnntined for fifteen days more, ^'ext came measles, for which they vere again quarantined for the days. One day before the quarantine for neasles lifted a boy was sent to the lospltal with the mumps. Again they vere quarantined. My brother wrote home in disgust. "mh," ni' wrote; "ir tliey get nn tlier ease of mumps In this place I'll lever get out till the war's over."? 'liiciipt Tribune. Dead Easy. Her?"fan you foretell your future icttons hy mrtls?" Him?"I can If 1 ateli a glimpse of the other fellow's j innd." HAARLEM OIL < IF YOUI Do you feel tired and "worn-out?" Are you nervous and irritable? Don't sleep well at night? Have a "dragged lut," unrested feeling when you get tp In the morning? Dizzy spells? Minus? Had taste in the mouth, backiche, pain or soreness in the loins, md abdomen? Severe distress when irinuting, bloody, cloudy urine or sedment? All these Indicate gravel or stone in the bladder, or that the poisonous microbes, which are always in rour system, have attacked your kldjeys. Yoti should use HOLD MED AD [Innrlem Oil Capsules immediately. The oil soaks gently Into the wal's md lining of the kidneys, and the Iltle poisonous unltnal germs, which nre iiuNiiiK nit' innnimnnuon, arc immeilntely attacked and chased out of rour system without Inconvenience or >ain. NO WORM; In A Health All children troubled healthy color, which indie rule, there is more or less i Gro\ Tasteless < contains just what the blo< in a form acceptable to tl and if given regularly for enrich the blood, improve general strengthening toi Nature will then throw off the child will be in perfect take. Price 60c. PERFECTLY HARM NUX-VOMICA OR OTHEF When A Genen ing Tonio is it Home For For the Mother Take chill; W Grove's chi You can now get Grove's form as well as in Syrup, the kirn Tablets are intended for those \ rather than a syrup, and as a cc The tablets are called "GROVE' contain exactly the same medic actly the same results as Grove': put up in bottles. The price of e oated After Es Ey feeling, and hurting near 3 Quick Relief?Take ONE roNic OUR STOMACH S SAKI rk. It drives the GAS out the Bloat goes with it. tion. Heartburn, Soar Stomach, etc. Druggiat with that DOUBLE GUARAN * mmi o?.. iai?-m ??. ah?m. On??<?. nt dson's Liver Tone! lei! Listen To Me! m idachy or sick, I guarantee g dangerous calomel and salivates. straighten you right up and make yon feel fine and vigorous by uiorning. I want you to go back to the store and get your money. Dodson's Liver Ton* is destroying the sale of calomel because It Is renl liver medicine; entirely Pjf: vegetable, therefore it can not salivate or make you sick. I guarantee that one spoonful of Dodson's Liver Tone will put your sluggish liver to work and clean your \ bowels of that sour bile and eonstlputed waste which Is clogging your system and making you feel miserable. I guarantee that a bottle of Dodson's Liver Tone will keep the entire family feeling line for months. Give it to your children. It Is harmless; doesn't gripe and they like Its pleusaut tuste. ?Adv. German War Clubs. Do they really use clubs in battle? Yes. they do. The Germans have a vicious iron-bound club about .'to inches long, in sl/.e a hit smaller than the grip end uf a baseball hat. On the \ clubbing end there Is a round Iron nana wiiu incn-iong spines protruding. These spikes have sharp points. The Itritlsh war museum presented our mission with a half-dozen of these evillooking weapons. They tit In well with the caves atul the imuhly treneli borrowings. That's where they are used most, too. Twins. Two holms met on a blind sidinsr. One had been a salesman, whose hours were 10 a. 111. to 4 p. in. The other one didn't have any money either.? The Vagabond. Superior. Wis., lias abolished <50 saloons. CAPSULES ~ I BACK ACHES Don't Ignore the "little pains and aches," especially backaches. They may be little now but there Is no telling how soon n dangerous or fatul diseuse of which they ure the forerunners may show Itself. Go after the cause of that backache nt once, or you may find yourself in the grip of an lucuruble disease. Do not delay a minute. Go to your druggist and Insist on his supplying you with a box of GOLD MEDAL Haarlem OH Capsules. In 24 hours you will feel renewed health and vigor. After you have cured yourself, con- , tinue to take one or two Capsules each day so as to keep in first-class condition, and ward off the danger of future attacks. Money refund e<} If they do not help you. Ask for the original Imported GOLD MEDAL brand, and thus be sure of getting the genuine.?Adv. , ?, s y Child with worms have an un-1 ifltes rvrvnr hlooH onH qo a stomach disturbance. ve 's chill Tonic >d needs, Iron and Quinine le most delicate stomach two or three weeks will the digestion and act as a lie to the whole system, or dispel the worms, and health. It is pleasant to [LESS. CONTAINS NO' t POISONOUS DRUGS. * a# Strengthendeeded in the The Child, 'or the Father, 'a Tasteless Tonic it Tonic Tablets Tasteless chill Tonic in Tablet d you have always bought. The vho prefer to swallow a tablet nvenience for those who travel. S chill TONIC TABLETS" and rinal properties and produce exs Tasteless chill Tonic which is ither is 60c.