Fort Mill times. (Fort Mill, S.C.) 1892-current, May 13, 1915, Image 4
I I I *1 I II LIJ 1 TOO
READY WITH SARCASM
Tom Reea, Brilliant a* He Was, Made
Enemies by His Biting Comments
on Public Men.
"If the late Tom Reed of Maine
had lacked the gift of sarcasm, he ho
doubt would have attained the goal of
his ambition?the presidency?but
he had that fatal faculty in abundance,"
said former Representative
Rusk, at the Raleigh in Washington.
"It was impossible for Reed to refrain
from directing his shafts of
irony at members of the house or
others when occasion arose. His
thrust at former Representative McMillin
of Tennessee, now minister to
Peru, will cling to that gentleman
as long as he lives. It was to me
that he said on one occasion when
McMillin was speaking: 'McMillin
never opens his mouth in a public
speech that lie doesn't subtract from
the sum of human knowledge.'
"On another occasion I walked to
the capitol with Mr. Heed?he was
not speaker then. It was in the administration
of Mr. Harrison, and I
asked the Maine man how he was
getting on with the administration.
"'I can better illustrate that than
to attempt to describe my relations
tfith the administration,' said Heed.
'I think I have only two enemies in
the whole state of Maine?one of 'em
the president lias made the collector
of the port at Portland, and the
other he recently pardoned out of the
penitentiary.' "
LOST LIFE ASSISTING FOE
British Officer Gained Applause From
Enemy for His Brave and
Self-8acriflcing Act.
One of the most dramatic stories
of battlefield heroism concerns a
British officer who, noticing a
wounded Gorman whom the enemy
had left behind during a sudden retirement,
ordered his own men to
reuse tire, while he himself went out
into the open to pick up the man.
Unfortunately the Germans did not
at first realize his object and fired,
wounding the officer in several places.
As soon as they saw what his object
was, however, they also ordered the
"Cease lire." Thereupon the British
officer staggered fo the fallen man,
and carried him to the German lines.
A German officer received him with a
salute, and, calling for cheers, pinned
upon the breast of the British hero
an iron cross. Then the Britisher
returned to his own trenches. He
was recommended for the Victoria
cross for his notable example of chivalry,
hut succumbed to his wounds.
CONCEALING A VACUUM.
"Professor UiggB likes to use
high-sounding phrases."
"A mere affectation, no dnnht "
"No. I rather think he uses such
phrases because he's ufraid that if
people knew what he was talking
about they'd know he didn't know
what he was talking about."
thirst for information.
"Are you looking for work?"
"Yes," replied Plodding Pete.
"Some say there's work to be had
ail' some say there ain't. I'm investigatin'
so's to report to the Association
of Willin' Listeners."
Perfect gem.
Mr. (Sot ha in?is that suburban
cottage that you are advertising really
desirable?
Agent?Desirable? Why, sir, it's
painted in 1(> colors.?New York
Weekly.
a rising young man.
Browning?There goes a young
man who invariably rises to the occasion.
(?repn i ng?-1 mleed.
Browning?That's what. He's an
elevator chauffeur.
PRICE WE PAY.
Old Lady?What do you sell geese
for, young man ?
New Assistant?'Cause I can't
get nothin' else tor do, num.
THINKING SHOP.
Hostess?Doctor Spriggins, will
you have some of the tongue?
The Doctor (ahsent-mindedly)?
Oh-or let me look at it, please.
NO SUCH CREATURE.
"My deaf Mrs. Comeup, is your
son adolescent T*
"Mercy me, no I He's never taken
a drop of anything."
PLACE BLAME ON BUILDERS |
Structures in Italy Not Erected With
a View to Danger From
Earthquakes.
It might he thought that people
living in the Italian earthquake
zones would modify building methods
to suit conditions. It is because
they have not done so that the ruin
is so complete. An earthquake as
severe as that which leveled Messina
might visit an American framebuilt
village and cause little loss of
life. Earthquake-ridden Japan uses
an even lighter type of structure.
The new Messina, rising slowly on
its ruins, is expected to be almost
earthquake-proof, with its wide
-X A. 1 -A- A- V
sirceis. iow structures ami generous
use of steel in framing.
| The usual construction in Avezj
znno was like that in Messina. The
worst danger was the narrow streets,
where people who got safely out of
(heir homes were caught by falling
walls. These heavy walls were tilled |
in with rubble, with the upper I
stories arched; and the Spanish saying
that an arch never sleeps is as
(rue for Italy. Iron is locking in
buildings, some of which reckoned
-enturics of use. There came a time
in medieval Home itself when iron
was so scarce that men rigged
bo's'ns' chairs and toiled with mnllct
and chisel to cut out of ancient
buildings the iron that clamped them
together, giving the old walls their
present pockmarked appearance.
REAL NOISEMAKER
! \\ .1
Mr. Noisvbug?{Jee, but I'm lucky
to liavc two pairs of arms. I'll get a
job in the Bugville brass band to
;>lay the drum and cymbals.
THE PACE.
"You said you were going to explain
your position on some of
these questions."
''What's the use of trying?" re
tpomicu senator Sorghum. "I have
shifted my positions so frequently
?though 1 trust gracefully?that
a order to explain them I'd have
o be a dancing teacher."
THEY RUN.
Mrs. Flatbush?John, this paper
tays New York eitv is said to have
more than fifty known lepers running
at large.
Mr. Flatbush?Is that so?
"Now, John, when you go to the
<?ity and see a man running, look
out!"
MINORITY'S POWER.
"You believe in the will of the
majority, of course."
"Well," replied Three-fingered
Hum, "it's all right, theoretical;
but it won't always work out in
practice. I've seen two men hold
up a whole trainload of people."
TWO EXTREMES.
Bill?llow was the show?
Jill?Very tame.
"And the audience?"
"Wild 1"
VERY LIKELY.
l'atience?Peggy says he always I
brings sunshine when he calls.
Patrice?Is that the reason she always
turns down the tras?
FAULTY TECHNIQUE.
"That finger has a catch in her
voice."
"It is because she pitches it so
high."
FILLING THE BILL.
1 "I
want to give a swell luncheon.
What would you suggest as the first
article on the menu?"
"I>ried apples."
LIKE MEETS LIKE.
"I had a queer adventure the other
day. I went out in a catboat."
j "Waiir
' "We get wight in mam pea." 1
(
TWO VICTIMS OF GREAT WAR 1
Permanently Crippled Boy and Woolly
Pup Seem Out of Place In
Ward of Hospital.
The following little cameo of life !
in the British hospital at Fumes ap- I
pears in a report of Sir Frederick to !
the Red Cross society:
In the main ward?a tine hall?is
a little boy in a bed very much too
big for him. He is a refugee from
Ypres. In one of the many attacks
upon the unfortunate place his foot
was smashed by a shell, and, as a result,
the leg has had to be amputated.
He is doing well. What has happened
to his parents is not known.
He is probably alone in the world. In
a basket on the floor by the child's bed
is another refugee from Ypres?a
puppy of very indefinite breed. He
was probably thrown by some compassionate
soul into a cart'which was
flying in haste from the burn in ir
town. He is little more than a round
woollv hall?woolly by reason of his
I extreme youth, unci round as the result
of persistent over-rationing.
It is u curious picture; the whitewashed
refectory full of gravely
wounded men, some still groaning
with pain, some Hearing death, with,
high upon the wall, a kindly statue
of the Virgin looking down upon the
scene, and, in the center of the room
near the stove, the ridiculous puppy
and the one-legged hoy.
SUGGESTED SLUMBER
"I see you pass a tin plate in your
church now."
"Yes. sah. We used to pass a silk
hat, sail, but it was too suggestive to
the sleepy members, suh."
"What was suggestive about it?"
"l)e nap, sah."
BUT THEY DO?
Mrs. Bacon?I see it is stated that
the average length of life rose from
21 Vi years in the sixteenth century
to 40VI; years in the nineteenth century.
Mr. Bacon?I sujqwse the latter
time is when the women began telling
the truth uhout their ages.
THE MAN FOR THE PLACE.
"This American diplomat is accused
of having promoted prize
tights early in his career."
"Well, what of it? Wasn't he
sent to a tropical country where
the fighting is almost continuous?"
THE LAST ONE.
"Miss Seresum says that she is engaged
to marry one man in a million."
"Before he proposed she was afraid
that one man in a million did not
exist."
HIS FORTE.
Madge?Why do you prefer Wagner?
Marjorie?Because he composes
about lh<? null' L-irwl
. i?uu hi niusii: one
can hoar above the conversation.?
.1 udge.
STARTS OUT WITH LUNCHEON.
Statics?Which breakfast food do
you prefer?
ti ay boy?1 haven't any preference.
I am never up in time for breakfast.
,
PROVING THE CONTRARY.
"These frivolous society women
never indulge in self-reHection."
"Oh, don't they? What are vanity
hags for?"
SUCCESS.
"Did Smith break his wife's heart
by his gambling?"
"Not much he broke his wife's
heart! He broke the bank.'*
| ^
ITS PLACE.
"Are they going to move that marble
image again?"
"No; 1 believe they are ^oing to
leave it iu aUiu 4U0."
v~~ -t~m "j tit if
!
Lawrence Y. Spear, who has paid
more attention to the development
of the submarine than any other
man in this country, does not believe
that the battleship is doomed,
but thut a perfect navy must be
composed of several units, the battleship,
battle cruiser, scout cruiser,
torpedo-boat destroyer, submarine,
and many other craft. He is a graduate
of the Xavnl academy at Annapolis.
In 1000 he was on duty as
superintending constructor for the
United States navy at the shipyard
of Lewis Nixon at Elizabethport,
where the first small Holland submarine
was building for the navy
department. Seeing great possibilities
in the submarine, he retired
from the navy and became viee-president
and naval architect of the
Electric Boat company, which owns
the Holland submarine patents. He
has seen the submarine grow from
00 feet to 300 feet, which is the
lnnrrtli + a *r : 1 1 % **'
"I i hi: uunt HUH IS TO DC DU1 It
for the United States government,
and the plans for which, have largely
come from his work. A large number
of boats from plans made by Mr.
Spear are in service in the navies of
Kngland, Japan, ltussia, Canada,
Holland, Austria and Denmark.
Old newspapers for sale at
The Times.
See The "Maje:
Use Goc
A coat of r?air?t nroo/T rvoit
,
by protecting against weathe
Paint your house, porch a
Quality House Paints. Th
wood and the weather and
property better than any oth
ACMPQL
?our trade mark?on any j
it's the best that can possibly
We have paints and finish
barns, roofs, floors, carriages,
be painted, enameled, stainei
any way, we have an Acmi
purpose.
We will be glad to show j
or not.
VERY LOW RA
Panama Pacif
SAN FRANCISCC
Opened February 20th, Ch
Panama-Calift
S/N DIEGO. <
Opened January 1st, 1915, (
VI,
Southern
Premier Carriei
Tickets on salerlailv anrl lir
Good going via one route and
Stop-overs allowed.
From Rocid-Trip Fi
Columbia, S. C $82.
Charleston, S. C 8f>.
Orangeburg, S. C. 82.
Sumter, S. C 84.
Camden, S. C. .84.
Aiken, S. C - - 79.
Chester, S. C S2.
Hock Hill, S. C 82.
Spartanburg, S. C 81.
Greenville, S. C. 80.1
Greenwood, S. C. ... 79.
Newberry, S, C 81.
Proportionately low rates from o
trip rates to Seattle, Wash.; Portls
many other western points.
Full information regarding the v
schednles, etc., gladly furnished,
request. Let us help you plan youi
Why pay tourist agencies, when
S. 11. McLEAN, Division P
S. H. Hard wick, P.T. M., H. F. Car
Washington, D,C. Washinf
No. 9941 REPORT OF THE
THE FIRST NATIONAL
In the State of South Carolina, at the t
RESOl
Loans and discounts (notes held in bank
Overdrafts, secured $ ; 'unsecured $
U. S. bonds deposited to secure circulat
Subscription to stock of Federal Reserv
Less amouut unpaid
Banking house (5 ); furniture and fi:
Due from Federal Reserve bank
Due from approved reserve agents in
St. Louis
Due from banks and bankers (other tht
Checks on banks in the same city or to\
Outside checks and other cash items ._
Fractional currency, nickels, ind cents
Notes of other national banks.
Federal Reserve notes
Lawful money reserve in bank:
Total coin and certificates.
Legal-tender notes
Redemption fund with U. S. Treasurer
of circulation)
Total
LIABII
Capital stock paid in
Surplus fund _
Undivided profits, less current expenses
Circulating notes
Demand deposits:
Individual de|>osits subject to check..
Certificates of deposit due in less thai
Cashier's checks outstanding
Rediscounts with Federal Reserve bank
Total !.
STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA?Cou
I, T. R. Spratt, Cashier of the abo'
the above statement is true to the best
Subscribed and sworn to before me this
Correct?Attest: W. 13. Ardrey, J. E
stic Movies" S
>d Paint
it?saves ten times its cost
:r and decay.
nd lawn fence with Acme
ey will stand between the
protect and beautify j our
er paint.
7AL/1Y
>aint or finish means that
be made for the nnrnnec
t
es for all surfaces?houses,
In fact, if it's a surface to
d, varnished or finished in
e Quality Kind to fit the
rou colors whether you buy
TES ACCOUNT
ic Exposition,
), CALIFORNIA.
sses December 4th, 1915'
ornia JExpos'n
:/ LIFORNIA.
Closes December 31st 1915.
\
Railway,
r of the South.
nited JK) days for returning,
returning via another.
>n unf way via t'ortland, Orrgon
45 _ $104.24
15 106.85
15.. . 104.79
15 ... 105.55
14 105.05
15.. 102.45
90 102.82
90... 102.32
50. 101.00
OO... 101.00
20 101.00
10 102.81
ther points. Also very low roundind.
Ore.; Vancouver. it C , and
arious routes, points of interest.
Also descriptive literature upon
r trip.
our services are free? Address
ass. Af*t., Columbia. S. C.
y, C.P.A., W. E. McGee.A.G.P.A
fton.D.C. Columbia, S. C.
CONDITION OF
BANK, AT FORT MILL,
rlose of business, May 1st, 1915.
FRCES.
) $ 97,673 39
i ; I.... NONE
ion (par value) 25.0(H) 00
e hank $1,800.00
.$1,266.68 $ 533.32 533 32
xtures 2,500 00
1,387 68
New York, Chicago, and
L 1,674 2fr
m included in 8 or 9) 1,765 63
vn as reporting bank i 318 00
....?9flD.8S
I, 192. ?t> 1,153 30
355 00
100 00'
" 785 50
- 3,400 00
(not more than 5 per cent
1,250.00
$137,896 02
.ITIES.
$ 25,000 00
5,000 00
i, interest and taxes paid,... 679 C9
25,000 00
$56,373.18
i 30 days 6.856.66
31.19 63,261 03
18,955 30
$137,896 02
nty of York, ss:
ve-named bank, do solemnly swear that
of my knowledge and belief.
T. R. SPRATT, Cashier.
7th day of May, 1915.
W. B. M EACH AM, Notary Public.
J. Mills, J. L. Spratt, Directors.
aturday at 2:30
MAKE YOUR OWN
PAINT I .
WS'TTaW you will save
<fY i 56 cts. per gal.
THIS IS HOW
/TAX Y yBuy 4 gals. L.C&M. Semi- ^
v / Mixed Real Paint $8.40
J And 3 gals. Linseed Oil
l~| I to mix with it at
wA 1 1 estimated cost of - 2.40
11 A | Makes 7 gals. Paint for $10.80
ilK l\ ft It's only $1.54 per gal.
The L& M. SEMI-MIXED
REAL PAINT IS PURE WHITE LEAD.
ZINC sad LINSEED OIL-the best known
pslnt materials lor 104 years.
Use a gallon out of any you
buy and if not the best paint
made, then return the paint and
get all your money back.
J. J. Bailes. Fort Mill
Luther Hdw. Co.. Columbia
W. W.'Cooglcr & Son, Chester
J. W. Copeland Co.. Clinton
J. D Wood. Crier *
Clean Em
Why not have that last Summer's
suit cleaned and pressed?
We call for and deliver goods in
town on short nntir. Paf.l
packages will receive special at- ^
tentiou.
Panic Prices as Follows:
Men's Snits, cleaned and pressed 40c to $1.25
Boys' " 44 M 44 25c " $1.00
Ladies " " - - 50c up
Palace Barber Shop
TALK IS CHEAP *
and is alright in its place, but it
won't run the furnace nor bake
bread. If you have hot air in
your house or oven, it must be
produced bv burnino- fn#?l
We handle the very best Hard
and Soft Coal and our prices are
way down. Phone orders to 72.
Quick delivery.
Fori Mill Lumber Company,
A. A. BRADFORD, 1
CONTRACTOR AND BUILDER, ^
Estimates cheerfully furnished on a!
classes of brick and wood work.
Telephon- No. 30 ^
ELECTRIC 'rhe
B1TTEHS Parailj UMUcino.