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I I I *1 I II LIJ 1 TOO READY WITH SARCASM Tom Reea, Brilliant a* He Was, Made Enemies by His Biting Comments on Public Men. "If the late Tom Reed of Maine had lacked the gift of sarcasm, he ho doubt would have attained the goal of his ambition?the presidency?but he had that fatal faculty in abundance," said former Representative Rusk, at the Raleigh in Washington. "It was impossible for Reed to refrain from directing his shafts of irony at members of the house or others when occasion arose. His thrust at former Representative McMillin of Tennessee, now minister to Peru, will cling to that gentleman as long as he lives. It was to me that he said on one occasion when McMillin was speaking: 'McMillin never opens his mouth in a public speech that lie doesn't subtract from the sum of human knowledge.' "On another occasion I walked to the capitol with Mr. Heed?he was not speaker then. It was in the administration of Mr. Harrison, and I asked the Maine man how he was getting on with the administration. "'I can better illustrate that than to attempt to describe my relations tfith the administration,' said Heed. 'I think I have only two enemies in the whole state of Maine?one of 'em the president lias made the collector of the port at Portland, and the other he recently pardoned out of the penitentiary.' " LOST LIFE ASSISTING FOE British Officer Gained Applause From Enemy for His Brave and Self-8acriflcing Act. One of the most dramatic stories of battlefield heroism concerns a British officer who, noticing a wounded Gorman whom the enemy had left behind during a sudden retirement, ordered his own men to reuse tire, while he himself went out into the open to pick up the man. Unfortunately the Germans did not at first realize his object and fired, wounding the officer in several places. As soon as they saw what his object was, however, they also ordered the "Cease lire." Thereupon the British officer staggered fo the fallen man, and carried him to the German lines. A German officer received him with a salute, and, calling for cheers, pinned upon the breast of the British hero an iron cross. Then the Britisher returned to his own trenches. He was recommended for the Victoria cross for his notable example of chivalry, hut succumbed to his wounds. CONCEALING A VACUUM. "Professor UiggB likes to use high-sounding phrases." "A mere affectation, no dnnht " "No. I rather think he uses such phrases because he's ufraid that if people knew what he was talking about they'd know he didn't know what he was talking about." thirst for information. "Are you looking for work?" "Yes," replied Plodding Pete. "Some say there's work to be had ail' some say there ain't. I'm investigatin' so's to report to the Association of Willin' Listeners." Perfect gem. Mr. (Sot ha in?is that suburban cottage that you are advertising really desirable? Agent?Desirable? Why, sir, it's painted in 1(> colors.?New York Weekly. a rising young man. Browning?There goes a young man who invariably rises to the occasion. (?repn i ng?-1 mleed. Browning?That's what. He's an elevator chauffeur. PRICE WE PAY. Old Lady?What do you sell geese for, young man ? New Assistant?'Cause I can't get nothin' else tor do, num. THINKING SHOP. Hostess?Doctor Spriggins, will you have some of the tongue? The Doctor (ahsent-mindedly)? Oh-or let me look at it, please. NO SUCH CREATURE. "My deaf Mrs. Comeup, is your son adolescent T* "Mercy me, no I He's never taken a drop of anything." PLACE BLAME ON BUILDERS | Structures in Italy Not Erected With a View to Danger From Earthquakes. It might he thought that people living in the Italian earthquake zones would modify building methods to suit conditions. It is because they have not done so that the ruin is so complete. An earthquake as severe as that which leveled Messina might visit an American framebuilt village and cause little loss of life. Earthquake-ridden Japan uses an even lighter type of structure. The new Messina, rising slowly on its ruins, is expected to be almost earthquake-proof, with its wide -X A. 1 -A- A- V sirceis. iow structures ami generous use of steel in framing. | The usual construction in Avezj znno was like that in Messina. The worst danger was the narrow streets, where people who got safely out of (heir homes were caught by falling walls. These heavy walls were tilled | in with rubble, with the upper I stories arched; and the Spanish saying that an arch never sleeps is as (rue for Italy. Iron is locking in buildings, some of which reckoned -enturics of use. There came a time in medieval Home itself when iron was so scarce that men rigged bo's'ns' chairs and toiled with mnllct and chisel to cut out of ancient buildings the iron that clamped them together, giving the old walls their present pockmarked appearance. REAL NOISEMAKER ! \\ .1 Mr. Noisvbug?{Jee, but I'm lucky to liavc two pairs of arms. I'll get a job in the Bugville brass band to ;>lay the drum and cymbals. THE PACE. "You said you were going to explain your position on some of these questions." ''What's the use of trying?" re tpomicu senator Sorghum. "I have shifted my positions so frequently ?though 1 trust gracefully?that a order to explain them I'd have o be a dancing teacher." THEY RUN. Mrs. Flatbush?John, this paper tays New York eitv is said to have more than fifty known lepers running at large. Mr. Flatbush?Is that so? "Now, John, when you go to the <?ity and see a man running, look out!" MINORITY'S POWER. "You believe in the will of the majority, of course." "Well," replied Three-fingered Hum, "it's all right, theoretical; but it won't always work out in practice. I've seen two men hold up a whole trainload of people." TWO EXTREMES. Bill?llow was the show? Jill?Very tame. "And the audience?" "Wild 1" VERY LIKELY. l'atience?Peggy says he always I brings sunshine when he calls. Patrice?Is that the reason she always turns down the tras? FAULTY TECHNIQUE. "That finger has a catch in her voice." "It is because she pitches it so high." FILLING THE BILL. 1 "I want to give a swell luncheon. What would you suggest as the first article on the menu?" "I>ried apples." LIKE MEETS LIKE. "I had a queer adventure the other day. I went out in a catboat." j "Waiir ' "We get wight in mam pea." 1 ( TWO VICTIMS OF GREAT WAR 1 Permanently Crippled Boy and Woolly Pup Seem Out of Place In Ward of Hospital. The following little cameo of life ! in the British hospital at Fumes ap- I pears in a report of Sir Frederick to ! the Red Cross society: In the main ward?a tine hall?is a little boy in a bed very much too big for him. He is a refugee from Ypres. In one of the many attacks upon the unfortunate place his foot was smashed by a shell, and, as a result, the leg has had to be amputated. He is doing well. What has happened to his parents is not known. He is probably alone in the world. In a basket on the floor by the child's bed is another refugee from Ypres?a puppy of very indefinite breed. He was probably thrown by some compassionate soul into a cart'which was flying in haste from the burn in ir town. He is little more than a round woollv hall?woolly by reason of his I extreme youth, unci round as the result of persistent over-rationing. It is u curious picture; the whitewashed refectory full of gravely wounded men, some still groaning with pain, some Hearing death, with, high upon the wall, a kindly statue of the Virgin looking down upon the scene, and, in the center of the room near the stove, the ridiculous puppy and the one-legged hoy. SUGGESTED SLUMBER "I see you pass a tin plate in your church now." "Yes. sah. We used to pass a silk hat, sail, but it was too suggestive to the sleepy members, suh." "What was suggestive about it?" "l)e nap, sah." BUT THEY DO? Mrs. Bacon?I see it is stated that the average length of life rose from 21 Vi years in the sixteenth century to 40VI; years in the nineteenth century. Mr. Bacon?I sujqwse the latter time is when the women began telling the truth uhout their ages. THE MAN FOR THE PLACE. "This American diplomat is accused of having promoted prize tights early in his career." "Well, what of it? Wasn't he sent to a tropical country where the fighting is almost continuous?" THE LAST ONE. "Miss Seresum says that she is engaged to marry one man in a million." "Before he proposed she was afraid that one man in a million did not exist." HIS FORTE. Madge?Why do you prefer Wagner? Marjorie?Because he composes about lh<? null' L-irwl . i?uu hi niusii: one can hoar above the conversation.? .1 udge. STARTS OUT WITH LUNCHEON. Statics?Which breakfast food do you prefer? ti ay boy?1 haven't any preference. I am never up in time for breakfast. , PROVING THE CONTRARY. "These frivolous society women never indulge in self-reHection." "Oh, don't they? What are vanity hags for?" SUCCESS. "Did Smith break his wife's heart by his gambling?" "Not much he broke his wife's heart! He broke the bank.'* | ^ ITS PLACE. "Are they going to move that marble image again?" "No; 1 believe they are ^oing to leave it iu aUiu 4U0." v~~ -t~m "j tit if ! Lawrence Y. Spear, who has paid more attention to the development of the submarine than any other man in this country, does not believe that the battleship is doomed, but thut a perfect navy must be composed of several units, the battleship, battle cruiser, scout cruiser, torpedo-boat destroyer, submarine, and many other craft. He is a graduate of the Xavnl academy at Annapolis. In 1000 he was on duty as superintending constructor for the United States navy at the shipyard of Lewis Nixon at Elizabethport, where the first small Holland submarine was building for the navy department. Seeing great possibilities in the submarine, he retired from the navy and became viee-president and naval architect of the Electric Boat company, which owns the Holland submarine patents. He has seen the submarine grow from 00 feet to 300 feet, which is the lnnrrtli + a *r : 1 1 % **' "I i hi: uunt HUH IS TO DC DU1 It for the United States government, and the plans for which, have largely come from his work. A large number of boats from plans made by Mr. Spear are in service in the navies of Kngland, Japan, ltussia, Canada, Holland, Austria and Denmark. Old newspapers for sale at The Times. See The "Maje: Use Goc A coat of r?air?t nroo/T rvoit , by protecting against weathe Paint your house, porch a Quality House Paints. Th wood and the weather and property better than any oth ACMPQL ?our trade mark?on any j it's the best that can possibly We have paints and finish barns, roofs, floors, carriages, be painted, enameled, stainei any way, we have an Acmi purpose. We will be glad to show j or not. VERY LOW RA Panama Pacif SAN FRANCISCC Opened February 20th, Ch Panama-Calift S/N DIEGO. < Opened January 1st, 1915, ( VI, Southern Premier Carriei Tickets on salerlailv anrl lir Good going via one route and Stop-overs allowed. From Rocid-Trip Fi Columbia, S. C $82. Charleston, S. C 8f>. Orangeburg, S. C. 82. Sumter, S. C 84. Camden, S. C. .84. Aiken, S. C - - 79. Chester, S. C S2. Hock Hill, S. C 82. Spartanburg, S. C 81. Greenville, S. C. 80.1 Greenwood, S. C. ... 79. Newberry, S, C 81. Proportionately low rates from o trip rates to Seattle, Wash.; Portls many other western points. Full information regarding the v schednles, etc., gladly furnished, request. Let us help you plan youi Why pay tourist agencies, when S. 11. McLEAN, Division P S. H. Hard wick, P.T. M., H. F. Car Washington, D,C. Washinf No. 9941 REPORT OF THE THE FIRST NATIONAL In the State of South Carolina, at the t RESOl Loans and discounts (notes held in bank Overdrafts, secured $ ; 'unsecured $ U. S. bonds deposited to secure circulat Subscription to stock of Federal Reserv Less amouut unpaid Banking house (5 ); furniture and fi: Due from Federal Reserve bank Due from approved reserve agents in St. Louis Due from banks and bankers (other tht Checks on banks in the same city or to\ Outside checks and other cash items ._ Fractional currency, nickels, ind cents Notes of other national banks. Federal Reserve notes Lawful money reserve in bank: Total coin and certificates. Legal-tender notes Redemption fund with U. S. Treasurer of circulation) Total LIABII Capital stock paid in Surplus fund _ Undivided profits, less current expenses Circulating notes Demand deposits: Individual de|>osits subject to check.. Certificates of deposit due in less thai Cashier's checks outstanding Rediscounts with Federal Reserve bank Total !. STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA?Cou I, T. R. Spratt, Cashier of the abo' the above statement is true to the best Subscribed and sworn to before me this Correct?Attest: W. 13. Ardrey, J. E stic Movies" S >d Paint it?saves ten times its cost :r and decay. nd lawn fence with Acme ey will stand between the protect and beautify j our er paint. 7AL/1Y >aint or finish means that be made for the nnrnnec t es for all surfaces?houses, In fact, if it's a surface to d, varnished or finished in e Quality Kind to fit the rou colors whether you buy TES ACCOUNT ic Exposition, ), CALIFORNIA. sses December 4th, 1915' ornia JExpos'n :/ LIFORNIA. Closes December 31st 1915. \ Railway, r of the South. nited JK) days for returning, returning via another. >n unf way via t'ortland, Orrgon 45 _ $104.24 15 106.85 15.. . 104.79 15 ... 105.55 14 105.05 15.. 102.45 90 102.82 90... 102.32 50. 101.00 OO... 101.00 20 101.00 10 102.81 ther points. Also very low roundind. Ore.; Vancouver. it C , and arious routes, points of interest. Also descriptive literature upon r trip. our services are free? Address ass. Af*t., Columbia. S. C. y, C.P.A., W. E. McGee.A.G.P.A fton.D.C. Columbia, S. C. CONDITION OF BANK, AT FORT MILL, rlose of business, May 1st, 1915. FRCES. ) $ 97,673 39 i ; I.... NONE ion (par value) 25.0(H) 00 e hank $1,800.00 .$1,266.68 $ 533.32 533 32 xtures 2,500 00 1,387 68 New York, Chicago, and L 1,674 2fr m included in 8 or 9) 1,765 63 vn as reporting bank i 318 00 ....?9flD.8S I, 192. ?t> 1,153 30 355 00 100 00' " 785 50 - 3,400 00 (not more than 5 per cent 1,250.00 $137,896 02 .ITIES. $ 25,000 00 5,000 00 i, interest and taxes paid,... 679 C9 25,000 00 $56,373.18 i 30 days 6.856.66 31.19 63,261 03 18,955 30 $137,896 02 nty of York, ss: ve-named bank, do solemnly swear that of my knowledge and belief. T. R. SPRATT, Cashier. 7th day of May, 1915. W. B. M EACH AM, Notary Public. J. Mills, J. L. Spratt, Directors. aturday at 2:30 MAKE YOUR OWN PAINT I . WS'TTaW you will save <fY i 56 cts. per gal. THIS IS HOW /TAX Y yBuy 4 gals. L.C&M. Semi- ^ v / Mixed Real Paint $8.40 J And 3 gals. Linseed Oil l~| I to mix with it at wA 1 1 estimated cost of - 2.40 11 A | Makes 7 gals. Paint for $10.80 ilK l\ ft It's only $1.54 per gal. The L& M. SEMI-MIXED REAL PAINT IS PURE WHITE LEAD. ZINC sad LINSEED OIL-the best known pslnt materials lor 104 years. Use a gallon out of any you buy and if not the best paint made, then return the paint and get all your money back. J. J. Bailes. Fort Mill Luther Hdw. Co.. Columbia W. W.'Cooglcr & Son, Chester J. W. Copeland Co.. Clinton J. D Wood. Crier * Clean Em Why not have that last Summer's suit cleaned and pressed? We call for and deliver goods in town on short nntir. Paf.l packages will receive special at- ^ tentiou. Panic Prices as Follows: Men's Snits, cleaned and pressed 40c to $1.25 Boys' " 44 M 44 25c " $1.00 Ladies " " - - 50c up Palace Barber Shop TALK IS CHEAP * and is alright in its place, but it won't run the furnace nor bake bread. If you have hot air in your house or oven, it must be produced bv burnino- fn#?l We handle the very best Hard and Soft Coal and our prices are way down. Phone orders to 72. Quick delivery. Fori Mill Lumber Company, A. A. BRADFORD, 1 CONTRACTOR AND BUILDER, ^ Estimates cheerfully furnished on a! classes of brick and wood work. Telephon- No. 30 ^ ELECTRIC 'rhe B1TTEHS Parailj UMUcino.