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? y THE FORT MILL TIME! PwbMehsd Every Thursday. FORT MILL, SOUTH CAROLINA It keeps the average man hustling t( change clothes as often at the weather First thing we know, some fashloi designer will be creating a silt bath lDg PU It. At last the automobile with the cow catcher has come. It was only a quee tlon of time. A damage suit may not be a cheap suit, but It Is nearly always due for a little shrinkage. Some men can hardly wait for pay day to come around. Other men are indifferent. Married. Become not alarmed over your afflictions, for moBt of them pass quickly, notably, the cublBt art. In Indianapolis n split skirt tied up trnfllc. It might be well If some one would tie up the split skirt. / Did you ever observe that the man who does things hae no vDo It Now" sign posted up near hlB desk? A mnrkef ronnrt unva Ihnt rhonon In at a standstill. Hut most connoisseurs of cheese don't like It that way. What a nice feature act for vaudeville would the perfect bableH of the six leading citlee of the country make! A Berlin Judge has ruled that a betrothal Is not binding. I^ooks like a fine opening for a woman'B rights party. What, by the way, haa become of the old-fashioned fellow who was once upon a time referred to as a muckraker? An unsportsmanlike exchange suggests the addition of another column to the tabulated baseball score to record bonehead plays. Another exemplification of "the easiest way." Florida woman has gone Insane because she couldn't solve the hired girl problem. Washington beau brummel hns come out with a feather In his hat. and It Is safe to nssume that he Is spending his father's money. Leased wire report from New York says the "atop, look, listen" gown is the latest creation there. Many of ub are doing the same thing. New York woman 1h suing her husband's second wife for $25,000 damages for Iohb of hla affections. Rather high for second-hand article. Bulgarian coats are said to be popular with the men in New York. Well, if the how behind hats become popular there's a chance for this new fad. Now that the college student is about to obtain his degree will the A. II. mean as much to him ns a sheep Hkin or us an indication of time "At bat." A Texas man who lost an umbrella had enough faith in human nature to advertise for it. Investigation has proved that he only recently moved to Texas. Wise bb Solomon or any other experienced married man is the judge who told n husband it was wrong to leave letters where his wife could find them. What has become of the old-fashioned swain who carefully removed the cigars from his vest pocket and placed them on the mantel when calling on nis Desi girt: In a contest for women only In ParlB It was decided that the worst trait a man could possess was selfishness. Many a man will now pay his wife's bills in silence. Every man who buys a pair of white trousers and a cap with an anchor on It does not own an 18-foot motorboat, even if he does tell every one he 1b going on a cruise. Germany is now offering tourists air rides to assist in seeing the sights. To riding, sailing and swimming, (lying is now added to swell the joys of the summer vacation. "Constant Reader" assures an eastern editor that it is worry that produces the bald pate. In that case how does he explain the apparent exception of the bald-headed row at musical comedy? There Is one thing about the plan of that preacher who is sending out talking machine records of his sermons for the stay-at-homes. The machine can bo shut off when the audience is tired. The same fellow who is playing ball with the kids In the lot next door la the same "boy" who grunted about r lame back every time his wife sug gested that the sidewalk needed shoveling last winter. because he married an American girl at Yale, a Chinese stndent has been made the victim of the first Celestial bigamy prosecution. Resides establishing a valued legal precedent, the case shows that little goes on In this old world of our* in which the U. 8. A. Is not involved. ; FINGERS AND THUMBS ' Tiey Got Crossed With a Gouty Hand in Giving a Secret unp. By ELIZABETH BENTON. "So you're the young man that thlukB he can act as my secretary, . hey?" inquired Mr. Fagan, swinging I round in his swivel chair and staring at Blake under a pair of bushy gray i eyebrows. "Nine and twenty I've turned down today, but if you think you can manage?shake hands!" The transition from sternness to suavity was entirely disconcerting to i the young college man. It was his first application for a position, and the ; salary as secretary to the owner of the big chemical works was fifty dollars a week. Blake had flown at high game for a youngster of twenty[ five. Ho gave Mr. Fagan his hand and felt a peculiar pressure of the fingers, which his own leaped to meet. Then: "I left college last year, Bir," he began. "I can?" "Tut, tut, young man!" replied the eccentric. "Consider yourself engaged. It warms my heart to meet you. No, no explanations. I don't want to know what you are or what you can do. I'm a judge of men and ?we're both Irishmen, ain't we?" i "Indeed we are," said Blake enthusiastically. And so he went to work and proved highly efficient. In fact, before the month was out Fagan had become so attached to him that he ! was constantly requesting his presence at his splendid home on the j outskirits of the manufacturing town. Blake had two troubles about this time. One was his inability to discover how it could be that a man of Fagan's apparent limited education had gone through college. The other was Fagan's daughter, Muriel. It was a case of love at first sight with both the young people. When Bluke held Miss Muriel's little hand in his and looked into her eyes he knew that he j had met his destiny. But how could a fifty-dollar a week man, with an uncertain future, aspire to the hand of the daughter of Pittston's wealthiest citizen? If ho had known it, Fagan could have been "Scoundrel." taken by storm during those first two or three weeks. A Belf-made man, he admired the young collegian immensely and had secretly considered him in the light of Muriel's suitor, liut Blake did not know that Fagnn'B education had been derived from reading the newspapers he sold in front of the chemical works, before these became his own property. And, as a supposed college man who had deliberately cultivated rough ways and coarse langauge, Blako looked upon his employer with something of awe. It was about two months after his introduction to the manufacturer's 1 house that he found himself seated be' side miss Muriel upon the piazza. It ! was a moonlight night: the view was | Buperb; the noises of tho city sounded | far away and remote; and PuRati was j snoring In his library. The comblnai tlon proved irresistible. And besides, that hand that hung near his was tho prettiest hand that ho had ever wanted to take In his. He took it, ; and, seeing that no dramatic outburst of anger followed, he drew tho girl [ to him and kissed her. For, after all, that is tho way in i which it is always dono. I "Muriel, dearest," he said, "do ycu : know I have loved you ever since 1 | set eyes on you?" Muriel blushed so divinely that 1 there was nothing to do but repeat tho episode. And when he felt her own soft Hps on his he knew that his love was returned in full. "Rut I don't know what your father will say," he Bald, with tho timid fear of lovers. "If he discharges me? will you wait, Muriel?" 1 "For ever," she whispered. "Be1 sides. I can win over papa. What is a ' papa?" If only she had noticed that his tie was green! Rut it looked blue in the night; to see its proper color one would have to stand under the electric light. And he had gone straight to Muriel when he found her in tho gar, den. So it happened that when he stood before his employer and stammered out his story, in the way young men approach wealthy old gentlemen. Pagan's eyes fixed themselves upon Blakes's shirt-front and narrowed to needle lines. "May I ask you why you are wearing a green tie on this day of all days, Mr. Blake?" he demanded, with ominous calm. "Why," said Blake, hesitating, "you see, today is the anniversary of the Battle of the Boyne, a day abhorrent to all good Irishmen, and?" Blake's great grandfather had been hanged for treason in the days of Robert Emmet. Pagan leaped out of Mb chair with the agility of a tiger. "Scoundrel! Scum of Limerick!" he yelled. "To insult a good Belfast man by flaunting the green flag!" He shook his fist under his secretary's nose. "I killed a man for lesB in my young days," he shouted. "Out of my house. You're fired. I'll have your pay sent you?I?" "Come, papa. what is all this about?" Interposed Muriel's soothing voice. She had come in softly behind her lover to lend him aid if necessary. She had not anticipated such violence. "He's WPBrlnf of tVlo i,pnon o r* A "" tills day, of all days!" stormed her father. "Molly, I wouldn't have minded so much if it hadn't been for the deceit of the man. Dut he let me think all along he was a good Orangeman, and now he comes and taunts me to my face, presuming upon his claim to love you. Kick him out for me, Molly, ray foot's got the gout in it." "Father, dear?for my sake listen." pleaded Muriel. "I am sure that Ar- j thur?Mr. Blake can explain everything. Father," $ho pleaded, "Wo love each other. Think how you and Mother got married, when you were earning nine dollars a week in a shipping office?you've often told me so." "Hut he's a damned rebel, Molly, > and?and the infernal impudence of it!" "Tell him it's all a mistake, Arthur," pleaded Muriel. "It ain't a mistake, it's just treachery," roared her father. "Nine and twenty good men, fine men, I turned down that morning till he gave me the grip?" "What grip?" demanded Blake. "The grip of the United Orangemen's Brotherhood." roared the old man. "Didn't I wink at you, and didn't I see it in your face that we understood each other, and didn't I say that was enough between friends and?" "The grip I gave you." answered Blake, "was that of the Alpha Omega Mu fraternity. 1 had been told it helped a man to get a position by giving it. I thought you were a college man." Old Fagan stared at him in stupid wonder. Then: "Give me that grip again," he said, and Blake, all against the fraternity rules, delivered it. "My fault," he acknowledged. "You got your thumb crossed in the wrong place. It must have been my gouty had made me imagine? Well, young fellow, maybe I'll let you keep your Job."^ "A*nd how about Miss Fagan?" inquired the other. "Muriel? My daughter! I'll seo you?I?er?now don't cry, Molly, dear. I guess she goes with tho 1oh " (Copyright. 1913. by W. G. Chapman.) COSTLY ARTICLE OF RAIMENT i Many Reasons Why Astrachan Capes May Only Be in the Wardrobe of the Wealthy. In making a cloak or cape of fine quality the center of the saddle only la used and a very large number of such stripe, perfectly matched In curl and degree of blackness, are stitched together to make a complete garment. The rest of the skins, the legs, sides and other inferior parts, are used for less important purposes, such as linings for gloves, shoes and other articles. In classing the various skins the jet-black ones are considered the best. The gray ones are also used 111 uiuir naiurai coior, nui me rnwncolored skins are generally dyed black and used in Persia, though now a largo number of dyed skins are also prepared for export. Prlcee are so high that even inferior skins fetch good sums from the dealers. Besides the first cost of the skins as they come from the Inmbs' backs, several other items go to increase the cost to the wearer. There are, for instance, the expenses of preparing the pelts for transport and the mule freight from Shiraz to Resht, some ,60 to 70 days' journey by caravan, a very heavy item. The continually increasing taxes levied by tho Persian government for permission to export the skins must not be forgotten in calculation. Every now and then the wily Persian government puts an embargo on skins, tho ostensible reason being the ever-increasing price of meat for food, but this is only an excuse, the real object being to squeeze as much money ns possible out of the dealers, for bribery plays a very large part in the astrachan trade.?Christian Herald. Writes Phrases That Live. Miss Agnes Repplier is said to use the English language in her essays better than most women who write. A writer on the subject says that she always sizes up the situation in an unforgettable phrase and quotes in illustration the sentence from one of her essays: "Lovers are odious things at best." Counting the Cost. Yeast?He says he thinks his childhood days were the happiest. Crimsonbeak?Of course he does. It only cost him half as much to get into a circus and on the street cars. : MOB CHASES MEN IN PISTOTTLE Demands Lynching of Fugitive Whg Fires Into Crowd. POLICEMAN TO RESCUE f ; Trouble Started When Customer Refused to Pay for Meal and Then Started to Shoot Up Restaurant In , Regular Western Style. Chicago.?At C:30 the other night ' sixty-one-year-old William McClean, 1149 West Washington boulevard, ! walked Into John Ronaris' restaurant 1 on Aberdeen street. From 0:30 to ! 0:40 William busied himself eating I some 30-odd cents' worth o? food. 1 At 0:41 William refused to pay for the food and the trouble started. John called William names and William drew a revolver and started to shoot. John dived behind the counter, came up with two large pistols of his own ami started in to show William what real shooting was. William lied north on Aberdeen street to Madison street. John followed and shots flew thick and fast. There was a Salvation Army meeting on the corner. William landed in the middle of the drum, kicked his way clear, spilling the collection, and fled toward May street with a tambourine over his left ankle. A thoughtful citizen on the third floor of one of the Madison street lodging houses thought William should stop. He landed a water pitcher on William's head. William took a couple of shots at the man, but his aim was poor. A mob, the Salvation Army and John closed in rapidly from the roar. William started west again, not without letting fly a full cylinder of lead pellets. Again nobody was hurt, but the excitement and anger of the pursuers became more intense Patrolman Peter Ilernacchi hoard the shots, saw the fleeing William and unlimbered his own heavy artillery. Impartial in his distribution of his bullets, William tried to shoot at the U, UNjlHT IV C-'r) r^Tv l?r Shots Flew Thick and Fast. policeman. But the revolver would not explode. They grappled and the police, man got the revolver. John raced up and demanded (immediate execution of William. He waved his own revolver and threatened to get justice himself. The patrolman ! pushed a regulation revolver, into W'il ' liam'8 ribs and made him open the i patrol box, call the Desplaines street station, and put in a .riot call. Ten minutes later a wagon load of hlueconts arrived on the scene. They started to club their way through the mob. Cries of "Lynch the bandit" had been started and mingled with th? prayers for "peace" on the part oi | the Snlvntion Army. It ended with tho police forcing n way through to Bernacchl and his prisoner. They were put into the wagon. John also Was put in with the man who had refused to pay for his food. Both went to the station and both were locked up on a charge of disorderly conduct. : WOMAN PUTS MASHER IN CELL Says "Hello Kid!" to Police Matron; She Flashes Star and Arrests Him. Joplln, Mo.?It doesn't pay to flirt l with a police matron. Hairy Wilson, i a railroad tnan. the other day started a flirtation with one in the street, but j didn't get far. "Hello, kid!" he said, as she passed him. The matron, Miss Vernie Goff, who is Are feet eight inches tall and weighs 186 pounds, stopped and looked at him. "Were you speaking to me?" she inquired. Wilson replied that he was. Matron Goff then showed a polio star and led the masher to jail. Wilson's wife learned of his arres> three hours later and appeared at po lice headquarters. After lecturing him through th? bars she paid his flne, assessed fo disturbance, and Wilson was releasee , / Vn Unending Procession i A I g17 ASHINGTON. ? Thousands of If gifts, from millionaire and labor- 1 ! ng man, constantly remind President iVilson that, though he is constituionally precluded from receiving presents from prince, potentate or ' "oreign power, the people of his own :ountry do not forget him. In unmding procession the gifts have come. The stream of gifts to the newpresident started on the day of his nduction into office. It will continue with more or less intermittence until .he day he ceases to be president of :he United States. The gifts are markid by a catholicity of choice that is truly amazing. These unknown friends of the chief executive do not confine the mediums ny which the gifts are sent to any one carrier; in fact, the methods chosen to send them, large and small, are almost as varied as is possible. A favorite method is the old and tried "personal messenger" plan, whereby strenuous efforts are made to deliver the gift in person. The proposed donor, or his ugent, will search the very heavens as well as Grave and Logical Treatis IT has been gravely and logically urged that the substitution of 'right" and "left" for "starboard" and "port" in the navy makes It much i easier for Inexperienced men to learn to steer. How many other changes could be made with a similar end in VI9W? For instance it surely must rasp the nerves of the green landsman on 1 warship to hear an officer during gun drill snap out the command "Si- j lence." How much better it would be for the officer to say in a bland and soothing voice. "Gentlemen, will you be kind enough to come to order?" The next command has always been "Cast loose and provide." This has a rude twang How much prettier it WOllld l>i> to ?i:iv "IVIoiwlo Ihia piece of artillery for use against the enemy and bring up the ammunition from downstairs." During the silent watches of the night one hears on the warships now bucIi dialogues as this: "Masthead thore!" "Aye. aye. sir." "How does that light bear now?" "Two points and a quarter off the I starboard bow. sir." Wouldn't it be better if it were something like this: Only One Who Could See - oJi IAD atmosphere was given to : /\ an Avenue car by the majority of | the passengers, who were obviously I out for an enrly evening ride. The one Berious person aboard was the inotormnn, who kept a firm grip 011 his lever and looked ahead with ; ever-watchful eye. Each time the car stopped for a , minute to let passengers get on or on peopie scuttled across tho track without the least apparent fear of being run over, and even when the big thing was whizzing along women who were only a few yards ahead would | sprint in front of it as if they reveled in the risk?not counting an oc| casiona' man who looked us if he i Family of 13 Triumphs THIS is a story of how a meritorious case and a family of thirteen put one over the civil service com I nission. After six years of waiting, tichard T Underwood of Pennsylvania has almost reached the goal he v on through an examination. A bookbinder, Mr Underwood pass ed In 1907 an examination that entitled him to appointment in the government printing office at $4 a day. I There was no vacancy, but his fam'ly, consisting of a wife and ten chilIren, required support, so he accent d the place of laborer In the postifllce department at $('00 a year Underwood was promoted Feb. 1, 908. to an asslatant mesesnger's po-titlon at $720 a year. It was discovered thnt before he | ould be promoted to a higher salary, s vhlch he deserved In Mr Hitch:ock't? opinion. It would be necessary 'or him to pass another civil service examination 1 -ark of education In youth made this impossible, so Mr. . I ,-i I (BTTCDKT 0(DSSIIIP of Many Strange Gifts , the earth to find a plausible excuse to get by the watchdogs of the secret service and Secretary Tumulty and take the "little token of affection and esteem" to the president In person. If the distance is too great for the giver to reach Washington?or If he has no acquaintance here?or If he cannot prevail upon his congressman to present the gift for him?It will bo reluctantly trusted to the tender merP V f\t t hn ovnronu enmnnnlnn nn * U,. w/ \/t viio ?A|/t?oo vviii|iaiiico vii lUO malls. During the present administration the favorite method of sending the smaller articles to the White House has been by parcel post. Larger packages from unknown senders are always opened at a safe distance from the executive rooms, to provide against unpleasant possibilities. The nature of the gifts varies In such a way that the president might possess a good start toward collecting a museum of curiosities or even establishing a zoological park. Pamphlets and books enough to furnish a good-sized library accumulate every few weeks. Just for the sake of variety a mud turtle, sent by admirers ' on the eastern shore of Maryland, was found, carefuly wrapped, in the morning's mail one day not long ago. The reptile had not been harmed in any way and was Immediately turned loose In the expanse of the White House grounds, where he may thrivt for many years. j ;e on Reformed Sea Talk "Friend Jones, are you awake?" "Yes. indeed, Bir." "Well, then, will you be kind enough to tell me in what direction you see that light?" "The line of Its direction, sir, Is about thirty feet to the right of the flag pole on the front end of the ship." And when the loo'.out first sees the ^ light, instead of dropping the brusque exclamation, "Light, ho!" down on the deck like an anarchist's bomb, why shouldn't he mellifluously ejaculate. "I beg your pardon, sir, but 1 see a light." More power to Josephus Daniels and his policy. With a little diligence and patience such terms as "slushbucket." "squeegee." "handy-billy," "Johnny Legs" and "gangway" may be translated into English thnt any landlubber In the navy or outside it can understand. All That Was Going On might be sensible enmieh to mniiia the disadvantages of injury or sudden death. This reckless flirtation with danger surprised at least one passenger who sat on a front seat and could see what was going on. "Say, motorman, I'm a stranger In this burg. What's the matter with the people here; taking chances as if the car couldn't hurt 'em if it kried? First thing j,'ou know, you're going to bo stopped by an Inhabitant or two under the wheel. Do you folks go on like this as a regular thing? And don't you ever have to make use of your coroner?" "Habit, I guess. . I suppose they know we are keeping a sharp lookout all the time. When I've come near an accident I can't 6leep well for nights thinking of it?hi there!" The motorman stopped his Juststarted car with a mighty wrench that jerked it to a standstill. Otherwise a young person in white ratine, with high-heeled slippers and a floppy Panama, would have had her name in the papers next day? In the death notices. Over Civil Service Law ThlME?H^O^) j Hitchcock wrote the facts to the president. urging that Underwood be ex- i cepted from the requirement because "* ' of his value to the department and* the eleven other reasons, the wife and ten children. July 27, 1912. Mr. Talt directed his promotion without examination. Governor Dockery recommended Underwood's promotion to $1,000 a year, effective July 1. Postmaster General ilurleson has made the necessary order Meantime a daughter, born in February, increased Under wood's family to thirteen.