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7/ * THE FORT MILL TIMES hibflihod Every Thursday. | FORT MILL, 80UTH CAROLINA. Now It Is the "individual drinking ( cup" for the horse! It Is embarrassing to borrow money from a deaf friend In a crowd. New York 1b to have steplesB care-. The much-maligned hobble skirt did ^ IL t t What will the government do with all the microbes It washes oft the cur- t ponnv 7 ?' i '1 " I ^ Still, "refined boxing" 1b not likely v to become a popular parlor entertain- ^ (nent. .? ^ Despite the old adage. Borne people j, have married at leisure and repentod In haste. p It Is natural that general optimism j! hould Increase with the abundunce ol cherry pie. ^ Let us quit railing at the motorcy cle. It ranks nniong the utilities that ^ have come to stay. 0 Cautious owners of motor boats will ] g take along a pair of oars and keep e within sight of land. - j Europe would bo still more dls ^ quieted If it had two baseball pen- r nants to worry about. r Will tho government experts whe are to Investigate, the oyster beds be classed as chambermaids? i 1 Press dispatches say there Is a rev 8 alution In Venezuela, but fall to state whether it is yet or again. o Fourteen thousand books are turn- ' sd out In this country a year, and only tlx of them become best sellers. fi r At }1,500 for four pounds of Pomera r alan dog. the prevailing high prices foi cattle and hogs seem dirt cheap. fi Wisconsin hns a law prohibiting c gossip. But Is there a man In Wis consin who ran tell what gossip Is? * ,i A Cincinnati woman wants all her i ex to wear a badge reading: "I kiss aot." The answer to that Is: "I guesi not" Now York Is to have not only the largest court house In the country 1 but the largest church. It needs both. The older generation Is unaffected by the Immodest fads which modern oclety sanctions; but what of the poung? i The difference between your own child and your neighbor's is that your child is a cherub and your neighbor's Is a brat. Now it Is discovered that the earth wahbleB. This will furnish a new and effective excuse for those shaken by this wabbling from the straight and narrow path. We have seen men sneer at futile feminine fashions and then go into a furnishing store and use good gray matter deciding upon the color of a j new puir of garters. They say photography Is useless In J portraying feminine fashions for the . reason, which men can readily believe, , that such figures as women would like to have do not exist. Now that goat, meat Is being sub tituted for mutton, a bright remark I uch as "you generally get the butcher's goat when you ask for spring lamb" Ib quite permissible. A newly-married man in New York has been held up nnd robbed of hi? money three times in threo duys. Bui by the time ho has been married a few months ho will be used to it. I, The girls in one senior class in n . high Bchcol in Ohio were graduated in dresses that cost them only $1.90 , apiece. And it is not recorded thai they knew less in those dresses. ! ] | I "How many millions make a billion?" Inquires a correspondent. Billion in America, Is one thousand mil- ! lions. Billion id England, is one million millions. We should worry! A rich woman in California bought a whole township slto to insure herself privacy and quiet. This is one way of getting rid of the noises of civilization, but it is not apt to become popular. According to asoclation of commerce estimates. Chicago men pay annually $6,000,000 for 6,000,000 hats. But where can one find that kind of hat? Perhaps the asoclation of commerce Judged by appearances. The minister who says that great wealth keeps away religion seems tc have hold of an idea that was being talked of about 1.815 years ago. An exchange wants all bonehead plays In baseball tabulated by them elves. The request cannot be com plied with In all leagues in all cases. "Men have more beautiful llgures than women, and they are more graceful." You are given one guess as to whether the speaker was masculine ot feslstsa is&i f 1 ( SAUCE FOR GANDER I Si hi ndulgent Husband Who Could b< Not Resist a Practical Joke jo Taught a Lesson. w By MRS. D. E. COOPER. Hobson waB a good citizen, an In- r lulgent husband, a boon companion; ? tut he positively could not resist a iractlcal Joke. His wife was indignant when he, on heir wedding day, notified her by t phone that he had broken a leg and . ould not come to be married; and t-hen, as she was about to tearfully ^ iismlss the guests, ho appeared, Jouny, unconcerned and whole, ho never ;new?she was a woman of spirit? ^ iow near she came to dismissing him. Then there was the time that he iretended that his hister Dora and ier husband had been killed in a allroad accident and that he and his trife would have to rear the six chilren. d< "Rrutally coarse," she called It. ..j Mrs. llobson never laughed at her rJ iusband's jokes ? not considering hem funny?and on one particularly n, ;loomy day in early spring, after a Bj hock that aggravated her nlmoBt past ndurance, she decided that he had g, cached the limit. k, "To Whom It May Concern: Par- tl, ies are hereby notified that I am not d( esponBible for debts contracted by lc ay wife. h( "RORT. RORSON." ci With eyes flashing danger she dash- m d the little local paper on the dining 8j able where Robert had, with unusual ;ood humor, left it. H "So this is his idea of a joke!" sho ixclaimed with compressed lips that ,j| leepened her dimples. "This! Well, ^1 t is his last. %v "I'll teach him a lesson he won't w oon forget." she confided to the hall fc nirror as she viciously thruBt a hat tin through hat and auburn tresses. tt Shortly after noon Robson appeared hi it bis sister Dora's home. Dora was h lerving dinner for the hungry chil- ft Iren. "Tessie always hangs the foliage ti )lant in the window as a signal for ne to come home to dinner," he ex- gi d ^ P "So This Is His Idea of a Joke!" 41 g plained, "and I tell you what, Dodo, b I'm afraid to go home, for she has not signaled me today. Guess she's a bit d upset," he laughed a little lainely, ti "about the ad?Just did it to get a lit- i, tie Joke on her, you know." r "I don't know what you mean," re- t] plied busy Dora, "but I did hope, Itob. that you would settle down when v you were married. You are twenty- tl five now. and 1 declare, act with no c more Judgment than my own Rob, who is less than half your age." 1, "There she Is now!" called IlobBon, _ pulling Dora to the window. "Mad R as a March hare. Gee! but she looks d line in that new suit" y "The boa is a beauty," replied Dora, t "It shows off well when she walks." j "Yes, she is making the fur fly, bo i, to speak." chuckled Bobson. "1 say. b Dode, just give me some dinner with the kids. I'll got none at homo to- b day." Along In the afternoon. Will Rath- r bone of Rathbone, Sutton & Streets, u came into BobBon's office. "Good boy, Billie," called the efTer- R vescent Bobson. "You look like Foxe's j 'Book of Martyrs." Anything happened s to the horse?" "It's about the advertisement," said c Will hesitatingly. a Bobson leaned back and laughed uproariously. "The best ever," he exclaimed. "But 1 guess Tees is mad," said he, sobering somewhat. "I wanted to say," continued Rath- d bone, unsmilingly, "that you can hard- h ly expect to be unaccountable for the fc debts contracted before the notice was e published." r Rathbone, noting the look of dumb astonishment on liobson's face, added: t 'I hate to speak of it. Hob, but we aro 1 in for about $600, and can ill afford to \ lose it. You know I am somewhat in j debt?my wife's father, you under- 1 stand. The new department was my I idea, you know. So Sutton & Streets i blame me, for I was the one to let the account run; knowing you and Tessie so well." "Bobson rose, in a towering passion, i "Rathbone, if you say another word I'll throw you out." Rathbone straigthened perceptibly. "1 hardly think so, Bobson. Better consider a moment, first. Remember, you tried that on me at school some < 16 years ago. and It' didn't work joet J ( aa you anticipated." I I Bobson'B hair stood on end. Was lis the end of their David and Jona ian affection? Aud through what j lastly freak of torture had Tessic \ 5t tola him! Six hundred dollars! Draewhai blindly he put out his ind. "Doi/l let us quarrel, Billie," i ? said a little 'hickly. "1 will fix it >me way. I only put It in as a little ; ike on Teas. 1 thought every one ould know. Rathbone took bis hand and tried hide the scorn in his voice: "All ght. Bob; but if that is your notion ' fun I am sorry for you." "I'm sorry for the little girl," he sturned simply, as Rathbone left im. Alone, he sat, unable to fix his atintion on business, ashamed even to ance through the window. Along in the afternoon his sister ora's husband, a man several years obson's senior, walked thoughtfully ito the inner office. Though on the | ist of terms, BobBou had a profound ;spect for Stewart. "This 1b bad, Robert," said Stewart, j >ut it seems that for decency'B sake >u might have taken some other ay." Bobson, the chills playing sportively >wn his spine, felt what was coming, lut you can't expect me to waive my ghts,' continued Stewart. Oobson raised his head to Bpoak but : his visitor's hand, lifted to enjoin lence, he waited. "It is not right of you," resumed tewart. "You always bragged, you low, even to Dora, that Tessie was. le best dressed woman in town. 1 m't deny that she is; but 1 meant > get Dora one or two things to make er work lighter?a new sewing maline and a gas range, when you paid ie, and it is hardly fair that she lould go without these things in orsr to satisfy Tessie'B love for dress, was $400, you know." Four hundred dollars! Indeed, he Id not know. Bobson sprang from is chair and paced the small office, hlle Stewart grimly waited. He ould not betray Tessie even to the imily, but why, why? "Man alive," he exclaimed, "I'll tuke it right. Even if it ruins me." I e muttered. "But Bee here, Stewart." e continued, "1 only put that ad In ir a Joke." "Well, 1 hope you will enjoy it," reirned Stewart unfeelingly. Bobson was stunned. "Business can o to thundor," said he between his lenehed teeth, as flinging on his hat nd coat he went by the back way to is home. Finding the house locked e enterd by the way of the cellar?u ick that he knew. "Teas, TesBle, girl!" he called loud- i r, softly, pleadingly, as he searched ach nook of the tiny house. Going b the telephone he rang up his wife's jother. "She's not here," was the curt re ly, and ho heard the click of the reelver as it was hung up. Dismayed, e stood motionless. Teas' mother as clearly vexed at him. She, who ad always taken his part?then he raB Indeed forlorn. For hours he walked the floor or Xing himself groaning Into a chair to rait and to plan how to pay a debt of 1,000 when he had invested all that Is business would permit In their litis paradise of a home. When the midnight train from Chiago pulled into the little station, Bobon, who had hitherto been aBharned 9 show himself, was madly pacing the latform, questioning a party of reurned theater-goers, the only passen- , era to get off, whether his wife had een on the train. "Yea, she has left me, and I richly eserve It," he muttered as he reurned home and staggerd blindly tito the house. Haggard and worn he cached his home and switched on he light. "You're out late, Bobbie," said a oice, sleepily, and Bobson started and lmost cried out from sheer nervous xhauBtion. "Teas, girl! ' he cried, dropping on is knees and clasping the sleepy bun-dlo of lacey whiteness and vainly eeking her face, which seemed hiden by the abundant auburn hair, "can ou ever forgive me? I didn't know hat you owed anything. On ray soul, didn't. It was one of my cursedly Jiotic Jokes. It is my last, you may ie suro." "Yes dear never mind"?the slim and passing lovingly through his hair -"and, Hobble, boy, Bhe tried to aised the bowed head, "I don't owe , cent!" "TesB!" The burden of years eemed lifted from his soul. "Oh, but ahull make Hathbone and Stewart mart for this!" "Why, Bobbie Dobson!" she exlalmed, naively aggrieved; "that was . practical Joke!" (Copyright, by Dally Btory Pub. Co.) Died From Eating Too Fast. James Gregory of Queens died sudlenly the other day. An ambulance lurgeon expressed belief that death tad resulted from strangulation, eaus id by too rapid eating and inadequate nastication. Gregory, who was 47 years old, wen1 o Manning's hotel for dinner. When >alf through the meal he collapsed. He vas carried to a drug store and a tele >hone message was sent to St. Mary'e lospital, Jamaica, for an ambulance :k>ctor Stark found Gregory dead vhen ho arrived.?New York Tribune Too Late. "There was one sport the Roman mobs at the Coliseum missed." "WhRt was that?" "Killing baseball umpires " The Plain Truth. "Was your friend suffering when I law him, from convulsive con tor* Hons?" He; *m* ftta." WHEN CHINA "''iff' ^ yV ^g^l7?; _^X^dRBr52 a9HB $3$ B^kWhen President Wilson's letter i photograph was taken in front of the includes President Yuan in the center, and members of the legation staff. ETON^POR * Cruelty in Weekly Run of Hounds' and Horses. Canon Defend* the Practice, Declaring That He Thinks It Good and Keeps Crusading Spirit From Undesirable Activities. London.?Almost under the walls of Eton college a scene was enacted recently, which, for sheer brutality, it would be hard to beat. A hard pressed hare which the boys of the college had been hunting with a pack of hounds (for beagles), maintained at the college for this purpose, twice swam the river with the pack close behind and a half hundred boys yelling like fiends on the banks, and was in the act of swimming It a third time when It was pulled under and killed amid the enthusiastic cheers of tho young Etonians who, of course, are mostly the sons of noblemen and other aristocrats, and form the nucleus of the ruling class of the future in this country. This termination to the regular weekly run of the Eton beagles was a little more brutal than usual, but not much more. The Eton beagleB, which are supported by subscriptions, nearly always succeeded in killing, as the phrase goes, when the carcass of the slaughtered hare is whirled triumphantly round the head of the chief boy whip and torn to pieces by th6 yelping pack, amid whoops of triumph from a gloating field. A similar triumph ot the Eton beagles, it may be remembered, was recalled by that noble sportsman. Lord Rossmore. in his recent book of reminiscences in these words: "One of the prettiest things I ever saw was a hare, very hard pressed, | that took to the water and swam I right out into the middle with all the | hounds after her, but she was. unfor- j tunately, so beat that she was drowned from sheer exhaustion halfway across." The latest exhibition of brutality ] at Eton has shocked humanitarians. | and an infiuentially signed petition ; was presented the other day to Canon , Lyttelton, the reverend head master i of Eton college, begging him to do away with the pastime of hare hunt, ing at Eton, on the ground that its ef- t | feet is "to stimulate cruelty among I the young." This, by the way, is by i no means the first petition of the kind that has been laid before a head of the famous college with a similar ob- J Jcct. others in the past having been signed by Herbert Spencer, Sir Fred- , erick Treves. Sir A. Conan Doyle, the . late Ixird WoUeley and other famous men. but all without avail. After due reflection Canon Lyttelton, who himself is the son of a lord, has replied to the petition in a letter In which he declines to do away with the beagles, and an exceedingly re- j markable letter it Is. To begin with, this man of God, who, before becom- j ing head master of Eton, was the j nononiDie canon or sr. AiDans, ana j who is the author, among: other books, [ of one called "Studies In the Sermon of tho Mount." asserts that far from there being an Increase of cruelty among English boys, "many educators are not without misgivings at the almost unnatural gentleness of the modern schoolboy compared with his forefather." "How insignificant, then." says the canon, "must the influence of this kind of hunting be in the opposite di; rection." The reverend canon ends bis letter ' by daclaring that, "as far as possible, ! all cruelty has been banished" from the hunting and killing of hares by the Eton boys. Needless to say, his shuffling apologia, as it is termed, has called forth a broadside of withering sarcasm. One of those who pay their compliments in the canon in no uncertain terms Is Sir Philip Burae Jones, while among the reverend headmaster's critics are several old Etonians, one of whom, after recalling Lord Rossmore's "pretty sight," remarks: "That's my idea of how the youth mi the nation should be brought up. ! / . WAS RECOGNIZED BY g K i . HBHH^Hffij i P- jft ?PL~*??d HPS' -^fir jkjk* ^pi . ^HHPI 4jr T&v cij^ %*.?S ecognizing the Republic of China wa i palace in Pekln formerly occupied by members of his cabinet and staff, E. T T^RIJTAL and that's why 1 am in hearty sympathy wfth Canon Lyttelton's reasoning. Let him go on as he is going, then he will run no risk of ofTending Lord Rung, or Sir Gorglas Midas, or other influential people who have their sons at Eton. I was nearly seven years there myself, and was never troubled by any stupid humanitarian teaching." ROOSEVELT TO REDUCE FAT Strenuous Colonel Will Ride Horseback and Hunt Last Indians in Arizona. New York.?Ease ami an office chair and too much sugar on his cereal have done the trick for Colonel Roosevelt. He's getting fat?again. There's only one course possible to the vigorous colonel when this bulbous condition of the equator develops. He at once riot orni Inoa t r? on t nut U'hftrft hn call ride a horse and holler and work that superfluity down to a hollow. So that this summer, according to the gossip that has fizzed up from Oyster Hay, he will go out to Arizona and hunt for a lost tribe of Indians. Incidentally, he will re-discover the last hole in his belt, "Ixist Indians in Arizona?" said Doctor Goddard of the department of anthropology of the Museum of Natural History. "Not precisely. Hut it is true that there are some out there that have never been found." It appears that there are Indians scattered all over Arizona?the Wallapais and the Hopis and the IMnas and Theodore Roosevelt. the Papagoes and the Apaches, and chief of them all the Navajoes. A good many of them earn an honeRt liv tng by giving an aboriginally modified Bill show for the benefit of summet tourists. Others keep sheep and scream every time one touches sched ule K. Still others peddle Massachu setts blankets in bright colors to per sons from Boston. And others live out in the mountains, far from the maddening white man, Just about at their ancestors did about the time thai Cortez discovered the toehold as e means of getting rich quickly. "The wildest lot," said Doctor Clod dard, "are the Navajoes. They are perfectly peaceful, but we have had nc report on the tribes in the westerr part of Arizona. There are met twenty-five years old who have nevei seen a white man. No doubt a visit to them would be entertaining and in structive." It will he if the colonel is the vis itor. Lightning Kills Brakeman. Landers, N. Y.?While standing or top of a moving freight car, C. R McCauley, a brakeman, was struct by a bolt of lightning and killed, thui putting to flight the old theory tha lightning will not strike a xnovlni railroad train. *1 -3_ | UNCLE SAM R # i ' I s rc-ad to President Yuan Shi Kal this the empress of China. The group . Williams, American charge d'affaires, MUST SWIM FOR DIPLOMA Columbia University Student Passer Other Tests, but Balks at Swimming Pool. New York.?Columbia university has taken a new stand in the matter of graduation requirements. The authorities declined to awurd a di, ploma to Felix Metzger Ilosenstock at the commencement exercises unless he could prove himself cured of caroanserinusabmetu In other words, there Is a rule at Columbia that no college degree can be won unless the candidate lias learned Jo swim the length of the pool in the gymnasium. The only exception is allowed in case of physical disability, attested by a physician's certiQ; cate. Ilosenstock, who passed all the other examinations, completely balked at swimming throughout his college course, and as an excuse declared he was suffering from a terrible skin disease known as the caroanserinusabIlietu He nhtaino<1 a nhvniei nn'ii alana. ture to this statement. The physical director could find no visible trace of such a malady, but . from a l^atln lexicon he evolved this explanation of the student's affliction: j "Caro, meaning tlesh; anserinus, resembling the goose; abmetu from fear; or, freely translated gooseflesh ! from fear." j The authorities, however, did not j have Biifllcient sense of humor to cause them to extend leniency to Rosenstock. CAT NO MATCH FOR HIPPO Caliph II. Routs Louise Inglorlously When He Plunges Into Big Water Tank. New York.?George Sichert, a keeper in the Central park menagerie, was aroused by a wild scrambling in the cage of the hippopotamus. When ho turned he saw the favorite mouser of the menagerie, a cat named I^ouise, lurched on the back of the park's bighippo. The cat had been seized by the tail and thrown into the quarters occupied by Caliph II. by a mischievous smnll boy. Caliph was soon Imitating a bucking ^broncho, but to no avail. I^ouise had secured a Arm hold with all her claws. The grunts of Caliph II. started all the lions roaring. Sichert edged into the cage to remove the cat. but not quite Boon enough. Caliph floundered into the tank, and Ixmlse let go. Sichert lifted the dripping cat out of the tank with a broom. It was only a few dayB ago that I^oulse went to sleep in the hay and barely escaped being eaten alive by the hippo. WILLIAM TELL IS OUTDONE Insane Voyager Tries to Shoot Cigarette Out of Mouth of Jamaican Negro. New York.?When the steamer Oru ' ba was nearlng Cartagena, Colombia. J Jovn George Cunningham of South, an in, a first cabin passenger, forced u minH-an negro to stand ten yards 1 1 away while he attempted to shoot a ' 1 cigarette out of his mouth. Cunningj ham fired six shots before the noise brought Chief Officer Green to the ( scene. ' Green tripped Cunningham up, but it | took four sailors to lash his hands and feet and cnrry him to tho hospital, 1 where I)r Morton declared the man was Insane from alcohol. Cunnlnglium ' was put ashore at Colon in a straitjacket. ? I . Performs Own Wedding Ceremony. \ Beaver, Pa.?Dr. Askelon Mercer, seventy-five, and Sarah L. Calgrove. sixty-five, performed their own marriage ceremony in the presence of witnesses here. This is the groom's sixth matrimonial venture, and ho declares that all former ceremonies , were performed in the same manner. i Girl Without "Perfect Feet." I a Crosse, Wis.?"Perfect feet" Is c the standard of the class formed by i Miss Amanda Clement of the Young t Woman's Christian association here. I Not one in the first class of Mveoty* 1 five is without a pedal flaw.