MSi *
*
THE FOBT MILL TIMES
Pui4MiMl Every Thursday.
FORT MILL, 80UTM CAROLINA.
t=^S=SS=S===^=!==!======S===S^
Just what does the "slash" skirt
prove?
Baseball Is a good game, provided
your team wins occasionally.
Also our notion of a useless occu
patlon Is that of raising artichokes.
In the barbers' strike riots In New
York revolvers were employed. Next!
If all jokes were judged by points, a
big bunch of them would Bcore minus
tero.
Another much needed Invention Is a
golf ball that will whistle whenever
It Is lost.
The silk hat has survived a century.
Ilut the green one?a few months
should suffice.
When the Halkan states feel like
borrowing $1,000,000,000, what does
Turkey feel like?
The dollars are flowing In for turtle
serum, but where are the absolute
proofs of worth?
It Is our notion, however, that the |
world needs Blmpllfled talking more
than Blmpllfled spelling.
i/os Angeles has two lndy "coppers"
and It Is Bald to be quite a sensation
to be pinched by one of them.
After all, why correct the proof
even If the compositor does set It up
vulgar Instead of Hulgar styles.
What a comfort It would be If mos |
qultoes were as fastidious ns nre rain- |
bow trout In the matter of biting.
'Twaa a mean man who Insinuated
that at a suffragette meeting he not
only heard plain things but saw 'em.
ficKpocKets may conclude to plena
that In this day of empty purses and
dollar watches they earn what they
get.
They say that the taste for Manila
cigars can be cultivated. Anybody
who likes nrtlchokeB ought to believe
iL
When unnecessary noise is abolished
the picture of a messenger boy
looking at an automobile horn will be
pathetic.
What has become of the man who
used to eat Btrawberry shortcake all
the time and then wonder what ailed
his system?
Irrespective of currency reform,
thero should be dough for everybody
soon. The winter wheat crop has the
best of prospects.
An advance of $5 a foot is announced
in the price of Bhow snnkes.
Hut an advance in the price of the
bar room kind would be better.
This country bus imported $16,000,nnn
tVAH V* r*f irn ?-?-> I1 atnoo tKrt rtwo*
wv <1 ?/ vti VI o^ilia OIUV/C mc 111 Ol VI
the present yeur. Somebody must bo
trying to square himself with his wife.
The strength with which a man
wields a piece of bamboo depends upon
whether said bamboo Is a component
port of a carpet beater or a fishing
rod.
The statement made that a woman :
saw a soul passing from a dying relative's
Hps Is received by scientists
with skepticism. Even were such
a thing allowed to be possible there '
are so many souls so Binall as to
be Invisible under any circumstances.
"How long since you have seen a
woman darning n pair of socks?" uskH
the Cincinnati Enquirer, thus offering
an admirable topic for the historical
societies.
The new British ambassador Is re- i
ported to be a baseball fan, which may
prove even more influential than proficiency
on the tennis court or the golfing
green.
That all potato cars must bo heated
In winter is the mandate of the inter- ;
state commerce commission. There
must be a society for the prevention of
crueny 10 mo potato.
The blasting at Panama la killing
the aea aerpent. This will not do. At
least one of the sacred traditions of
ages must be preserved from the commercial
iconoclaata of tho age.
You remember, don't you, that (.automata
borrowed 12,600,000 from
Great Britain In 1860? Well, Great
Britain la unreasonable enough to
think It 1b time for Guatemala to
wback up, and la beginning to be unpleasant
about It.
One sporting writer says that it la
now anybody's pennant. But from the
claims put forward by the various
baseball managers we are led to believe
that it Is everybody's pennant.
The public health bureau says that
fear of the germs they may contain
need deter no one from afoasslng
greenbacks as swiftly as possible,
since the Ink kills the germs. Was
anyone ever discovered who allowed
such a fear to keep him poor, and
If such a craven-spirited soul exists.
Is it worth while to reassure him?
#
WHEN H SMILED
It Was When She and Will Tabor
Made Up
Again.
BY E. R. MOON.
We all looked upon Libby Arllss as
in old maid, absurdly old. although
her age could not have been more
;han thirty-five. But after her mother
died she ceased to go about much in
our village society; and by the time
she was out of mourning Bhe had settled
down into a lonely life in her little
home. She bad a fine garden, and
we boys and girls used to steal her
pears and mock at her when she came
out and threatened us.
"I'd like to get even with Miss Libby
for being so mad about our taking her
wormy old pears," said Steve Marks,
the "bad boy" of the village.
None of us liked Libby. She was
certainly as sour as those early Bartletts
that we used to take with the
more gusto because we knew that our
discovery would let loose a storm of
imprecation on our heads. That was
how we came to concoct the love letter.
Why we hit upon William Tabor 1
can't quite remember. The Tabors
had once been the most respected
family in our village, but William was
wild when he was a young man and
went West, returning broken down in
health, a year or two before. I think
Gomu one suggested that he had been
Libby's beau long before, when she
was a pretty girl in the wide-sleeved
gowns then in fashion, and did her
nlpnf iflll hflir In n lor hnn/llo I3??*
, ..... ..... . .1 w jut IIMIIUIC. *?UV
Bince he had come back he had never,
to our knoweldge, viBited at Libby'b
house, and if he had <donc bo village
gossip would certainly have found it
out.
Three of the high school scholars
concocted the letter. It ran like this:
"My Dearest William:
"May 1?dare I. one whom the world
callB a sour old maid, avow to you
something against which 1 have fought
for many months in vain? William, I
love you! There, I have avowed it,
'CTTdfl
a
Coming at Breakneck Speed.
and you cannot guess how shrinking1y
I write down these words which
my hand 1b powerless to stay. I love
you?and now I have told you all.
The rest is with you.
"LIBBY ARLISS."
Yes, it was a gem of composition,
and elicited screamB of laughter
among us all. Only one girl protested.
"I think it's a mean shame," said
Sylvia Temple, turning upon us. "it
must be juat nwful to be an ol<l maid."
"Perhaps it will bring William to
the point, though," 1 suggested, and
that gave us un idea. Why not send
Libby a letter by the same post? No
sooner thought of than acted upon.
William's letter ran in this way:
"My Dearest Libby Arllss:
"Because my tongue is weak nnd
falters in your presence, 1 would fain
write down the words 1 long to say to
you. Libby, 1 love you. May 1 call
to unn unit onrl toll r\f *V?/\
/WW nuu iru J 17 V* v>l IUU XUIUI
passion which you inspire in my
heart? WILLIAM TAHOR."
We dropped these eplstlcB into the
letter box and waited with ba^ed
breath, metaphorically speaking. We
didn't know whom to watch, but linally
decided that it would certainly be
William who would go to Libby av.d
not Libby who would visit William.
So, having calculated that he might
be expected to arrive the following
afternoon, wo ensconced ourselves?
some half a dozen of us?behind the
hedge across the road and waited.
Presently wo saw, sure enough, Mr.
Tabor's buggy coming at breakneck
speed down the road in a cloud of dust.
He pulled in the horse outside the
gate and hitched it to the fence. Then
he got out and went in. walking very
quickly. He rang the bell and Miss
Libby came to the door.
Hut I had never Been Miss Libby
look as she did then. All the sourness
had gone out of her face, and she was
dressed like a young girl, in that absurd
old-fashioned dress with the
hanging sleeves. There was color in
her cheeks, too, and she was smiling.
And as she stood there looking at
him and smiling up nt him, he
took her in his arms and klsBed her.
That was enough for us. We were
all thoroughly scared. We took to
our heels and ran as hard as we could
go. We couldn't go anywhere after
reaching the village without attracting
attention, so we separated and
went to our homes.
"Well. lady, there's news In the vll
luge," said my father, when he came i
home that night. I
"I know, dear," said my mother,
smiling. "Libby Arllss and Will Tabor
have made up again."
"Trust a woman for finding out
these things." my father said. "Well,
I'd always hoped it would come to I
pass, but I never thought it would be
i in juBt that way. It seems that she
had written liim a letter two years
ago, when he returned, and he found
it, unopened, yesterday evening,
among a lot of old papers that his fa- {
| ther left." I
"Oh, no," I blurted out; "she wrote : j
to him yesterday, and he wrote to her. (
At least?I mean?" E
"What do you mean?" inquired my t
father, sternly. "How do you know (
about these things?" B
"Oh, I sort of guessed, I suppose," I \
answered, blushing. | c
The next morning I met Steve s
Marks and ho caught me by the wrist, i
"What do you think?" he exclaimed, j
indignantly. "Sylvia Temple has just
confessed tb*vt those letters never r
reached them at all." t
"What? Why?" I shouted. 1
"Because Bhe sneaked back to the
post office after we had gone, and
fished them out with a piece of stick ;
with a fish hook in the end, and tore ;
mem up?that's 'why."
"Then how did It happen?" I asked,
for my father's explanation did Dot
seem quite true.
"I'm blessed if I know," he answered,
scratching his head, and at !
that moment who- should come along
hut Miss Llbby herself. She looked
ten years younger, and she smiled so
prettily she gave me quite a scare.
"So you boys know all about It, 1
see," she said, when we blurted out
our congratulations. "I can't begin to
tell you how happy I am and?and?
well, I guess I've been a pretty crabbed
sort of woman for a long time. 1
Hut now I want you all to come into
my garden this afternoon and pick as
many pears as you can carry away. |
They're just about ripe."
Well, you could have knocked me
down with a feather, for I had hud
those pears on my mind all day.
"Pooh, that's nothing!" said Sylvia,
when I asked her opinion. "It's just K
what my mother calls mental sugges- o
tlon. Don't you see? We imagined h
those letters and wo imagined the e
pears, and both came true."
Hut the pears were certainly fipe. , P
I did all sorts of imagining after that, I 11
and some of it came true, and some | t(
didn't. The-best thitg that came true il
was when I imagined that Sylvia and ; ri
I were sweethearts. I Rl
(Copyright, 1S13, by W. G. Chapman.) 11
MUST BE HANDLED TENDERLY k'
Violin and Violoncello Both Extremely 1 k
Sensitive to Changing Atmospheric
Conditions. I si
The violin and violoncello are most h
sensitive to atmospheric conditions g
and suffer from atmospheric varia- n
tions quite as much as the tender vo- n
cal cords of the singer. : k
Those who have attempted to make tl
the violin an ornament by hanging It I s
upon the wall have had reason to re- I ii
pent taking such a liberty. The violin
loses its varnish and gradually Its j si
pitch and timbre. The artificial heat of si
rooms in winter makes its tone rau- n
cous when it does not obliterate it en- w
tirely. n
Metal cases, morocco covered, are t!
equally unfit for it. A strong, well j cl
varnished wooden case, even though
it be not especially attractive to the f
eye, suits the susceptibilities of the
violin much better. Certain qualities, j q
sometimes unsuspected in the wood,
play an important part in the falsifi- 1
cation of notes, cuusing progressive
deterioration.
There was a time when manufactur- I c
ers applied to their product several I j,
coats of "paint"?I. e., a concentrated c
solution of bichromate of sodium potash
in boiling water. The wood soon ^
acquired a yellow tone, and under the j (1
action of lights after drying, the color j (>
darkened and took on the aspect of ^
the very old paint. t)
For commercial purposes this was Hl
all very well, but what happened to (1
the purchaser was that as soon as he
began to use his instrument 'exposed s
to the light the bichromate worked on
the gelatin which the manufacturers
employed to color tho wood and pre- J p
vented the penetrating of the varnish, j,
whllo some element in the bichromate j
of soda was converted into stone. The | f,
violin suffered petrification, which 1m- i
peded its tones and rendered it use- j t)
less.?Harper's Weekly. ' M
a
City Men Needed on the Farm- n
In many notable instances city men s
are succeeding as farmers. If they do *
not know all about raising grain and
handling live stock, they are ahlc, ?sa w
rule, to apply business methods to , s
their undertakings. !
Successful farm management must c
include n knowledge of buying and
selling. In this particular the city man P
is apt to be ahend of his rural neigh- '
bor. It is essential to know what consumers
require, what the usual retail v
prices are on farm commodities, and w
the facilities available for transporting e
and selling. The man of city experl- t(
ence understands these things, and he 11
goes In for a line of produce like ?
onions, beans, potatoes, ducks, chick- 41
ens and carnations and asters, on
which he gets big profits.
It would not be like a city man to
raise wheat at seventy-five cents a
bushel and twenty bushels to the acre,
when he can get ninety cents a bushel i h
for onions and 260 bushels to the P
acre. .This illustrates the whole idea.
and no truth is more striking than the h
fact that city men are needed in agrl? ?
culture.?From C. C. Uowsfleld's "Mak- c
ing the Farm Pay." U
. . _ ... .
MARY'S LAMB LOSES
PLACE AMONG GREAT
Modern Member of Sheep Tribe
Creates More Excitement
Than Animal of Myth.
Chicago.?Mary'8 lamb never caused
as much of a sensation as Joseph's ;
amb did the other day at the Joshua
ickard grammar school. West Twen- '
y-second street and South Oakley |
ivenue. More than 400 girls were
hrown Into a panic as a result of
he lamb'B visit to the school. The
inimal was to have taken part in
vhat probably will be the last class
?f back-to-nature studies in the
chool.
At the beginning of the winter Miss |
v.ate S. Kellogg, direct superinten- i
lent, inaugurated a new class of aninal
study from life. Cats dogs, rab>its,
guinea pigs, birds, chickens and
1111'
?l J|i| IE'
p
It Headed for the Lines.
uinea hens were brought by the var1?
us pupils, and their actions and
abtts were explained by the teach- j
rs. . :
Joseph Bosnian, a fourteen-year-old
upil in the sixth grade, decided that
tie knowledge of the class in regard
3 lambs needed strengthening. Ju?t |
s the bell was ringing after the noon !
press Joseph started up the front
tairs with a lninb tied to the end of
piece of rope.
"Why, Joseph, what have you
ere''" exclaimed the principal, Mrs. !
lary Ryan.
"Little lamb." replied Joseph lacon- >
:ally. "Nature study?"
But the lamb, probably becoming
iispicious, made a sudden leap, jerk- \
d the end of the rope from the boy's j
ands, and. with heels kicking, it I
amboled down the hallway to the
orth corridor. There it met some '
HO girls coming up from recess in
ing lines. The lamb wanted to Join
le parade. It headed for the lines. !
ome 400 girls promptly (led, scream- I
g.
Startled by the screams, the lamb ;
liot down the steps and out of a
ide door. When last seen in was j
taking for the Bosnian residence, i
mi .lusi-pu a ciose second, in the
leantime it was half an hour before
le teachers could assemble their
lasses and quiet them down.
IUEER- FISH SCARES JAPS
idd. Salamanderlike Creature Taken
in Net Alarms Superstitious Seiners
In California.
Venice. Cal.?The strangest fish ever
aught in these waters was brought !
I by one of the Japanese fishing ;
rews.
The fishermen themselves are unac- !
ualnted with it, and the oldest bay j
istrict residents have no knowledge j
f having ever seen one like it. \V\ J
I. Milne, who has spent considerable
ime in Chinese waters, says it reembles
a Chinese salamander, but
itTers from the salamander in having
o eyes nor any place where eyes
hould be.
The queer fish was taken in very
eep water In the nets of the Japanse.
and is about two feet in length.
II shape it is not unlike a gila monster
ut it is a dark, muddy brown in
olor and slightly mottled with green
lotclies scarcely discernible. The
ead is like that of nn alligator. The
louth extends far back Into the throat
nd is shaped like that of a shovel
osed shark. Three rows of very
mall teeth are evident, and the en- '
ranee to the throat is filled with a I
rt en membrane. From the hack of |
.hat appears the head, the Jish is
mooth. but remarkably tough. The '
nil is like that of a lizard, but indi- !
ates great power for propulsion.
1 he Japanese fishermen are much
erturbed and fear the catch will
ring them bad luck They say they
ave a similar fish in th**ir home
uters that can live in either fire or i
ater However, none of those here I
ver saw one. Legend says that in wa- I
f?r the strange creature swims with a ]
lotion like that of a water lizard and
n shore waddles over the ground with
s head down on a level with its.front
set, giving ,no indication that it
reathes.
Goats Eat Crepe Off Doors.
New York.?P. Marsekke, an underskijr,
complained to Magistrate Murhy
of the Hronx that goats went
o far ns to tenr ofT and eat the crepe
e placed on houses of mourning. He
rged the magistrate to enforce a law
onipelling owners of gcats to kee?
be animals penned up.
r
i
Says Goddess of Libei
WASHINGTON.?"Some day that
goddess of liberty on top of the
capitol la going to fall down and hurt
someone. 1 know, because I was up
In it."
Thus spoke Rodman Law, who calls
himself the "human fly," while he was
reclining on a bed in a downtown hotel
waiting for a telegraphed remittance
from New York, which was
necessary after the way some friends
of his had disappeared with his cash
while he was climbing up the goddess'
lnsides.
"All that bracing material on the
Interior of the statue is made of cast
Iron," continued the "fly." "It was
put up there before anyone used steel
construction, I suppose, and I ocraped
up handfuls of dust. 1 went nil over
the inside and I'll bet that if something
isn't done about It there will
bo an accident some day."
The "human fly" took the impending
danger to the goddcBs about as
He Found Out What th<
IT IS nbtorious that street railway
companies in Washington, as in other
cites, have a good deal to trouble
with rail joints and with the street
paving along the. ruils. The pounding
wlj^ela and the vibration of the
track seem able to break down or
break hp almost any kind of pavement
which the railroads lay. The
result is that repairs are made frequently
necessary.
For several weeks repairs have been
making to the tracks of the Mount
pleasant cars along Connecticut avenue.
Yellow clay has been piled high
up on both Bides of the truck. Strong
men have been working there with
crowbars, sledges, picks and other
tools. At the ends and along the
sides of the repair work has been
quite a procession of flags, mainly
red to warn of danger, but some of
them green to indicate safety, and
marking where teams or machines
might pass.
At each end of the construction
work by day flutters in more or less
harmony with the red and green flags
a yellow flag, and at night lanterns
with yellow globes let their light
shine there. The question was put
Duck on the Window Si
m
TWO weeks ago attention was called
to a duck on the second story window
sill of a tine old house on H
street. "Attention was called*' is not
a happy phrase, because neurlv everybody
,who passes along that part of
II street knows the duck.
In the previous' story it was said
that: "Perhaps the family living in
the house will be able to explain it,
and perhaps not, but tho writer did
not care to pursue the inquiry further
mail iu inane i ur atucooai y uuoi i v a*
tion and notation."
The story of the duck is well told
In the following letter, which was received
n few days ago:
What Middle Statue of
THREE Chinese students entered the
Y. M. C. A. Educational Institute
not long ago to study, among other
things, English, American history and
geography. They are young men in
whom the Chinese government is taking
an interest, it having sent them
here to acquire the English language
in the shortest possible time. They
haven't been here very long, but
they're strong on English already, as
will appear from this exclusive story,
told by Myron Jermain Jones, director
of education of the Y. M. C. A.
Dr. Jones took the education of the
three hoys as a personal matter. He
gave them all the time possible, and
mingled his plain language teaching
with several highly polished courses
in ethics, philosophy, philology, apologetics.
etc. He dipped into the Gospel
of St. Mark for some of the great
social teachings there, and gave the
three Chinese students a lecture that
they would scarcely be able to get
anywhere else in a month's Journey.
Dr. Jones concluded hi* remarks.
|K3TON
rty Will Fall Some Day
seriously as he took the fact that his
friends who accompanied him to the
top of the capitol had disappeared
with his cash.
Any old ttmo he wants to go back
and sit on Liberty's head he is going
to do it. but he 1b going to make sure
that his friends can be trusted with
a "human fly" pocketbook before he
gets up in the air between earth and
sky, with no one but a press agent to
keep the secret.
The "fly" went to the capitol in the
afternoon with his false friends. He
climbed up a column on top of the
dome, using a piece of steeple Jack's
rope to aid him Id his efforts. Previously
he had handed his pocketbook
and valuables to his false friends who
accompanied him. When he descended
they had gone.
"I went all around the inside and
saw the rust. It was very dark, and
I used up a box of matches in there.
Then I crawled up on the base of the
statue. A 'cop' yelled to iie to come
j down.
"When I slid down the cop pinched
I me"
A rap on the door interrupted this
story. A bellboy handed in a telegram.
It was money from New York,
replacing that which the false friends
had taken with them so hurriedly.
"Well, I guess 1 can have breakfast
I now. So long."
} Yellow Flag Was For
to many fellow-travelers: "What does
| the yellow flag mean?" Day after day
the answer was: "Give it up." "You
got me now." or "It stands for small
P0*-" % X,
Those yellow flags were getting on
the scribe's nerves, and on one of
, the few i 'easant days in early April
he got on a car determined to pay an
I PYtrn fnro tr\ !?
? v?, ,,?vi uui iuc oigmucance
of those strange flags. He walked
I over to a stalwart colored laborer,
' who was cracking concrete In the
excavation, and asked him: "What
does that yellow flag mean?"
The man looked amused. There
was pity In his eyes and his voice as
he replied:
"Hobs, dat am de sign to' de kyars
to go slow."
Simply crushed!
v
II Known to Many People
"This is the history of the duck in
the window:
"My father. Dr. Clymer, surgeon,
IT. S. N., on his return from the Asiatic
coast brought with him some very
beautifully colored ducks, which he
purchased in Ceylon.
"On the trip over, whether from
change in climate or difference in
I food or exposure aboard ship, all died
| but one drake, and he arrived in
H street In good health. He lived
with us happily and contented for two
years, occupying the hack yard, where
he had a lurge pond filled by a natural
spring.
1"When Alexander R. Shepherd put
In the deep street sewers our pond ran
dry. and our drake then became sad
I and nttifnllv m?>i
u.viniiuuuijr, una one day
we found him dead.
"We called In a taxidermist, had
him treated, and placed him in the
front window, always looking toward
his native home. And when he faded
out of existence we placed another
there?in memorlam. He or hlB repi
resentative has been in the front of
j iC17 11 street for 41 years."
Buddha Said to Teacher
IThe boys did not stir a muscle, and
Dr. Jones was totally at a loss to telL I I
whether his efforts had made an 1m- ?H H
j preaslcn upon those mute uu.l immov-. H
"Have 1 made myself plain?" he- H
Three heads nodded.
"I should be glad to go over the
ground again," be said, "if you are not.
quite sure you got what I was saying."
I And then the middle statue of Rudd- I
ha spoke.
"We gotcha. Steve," he said. H
Which is certainly making progres* HI
tn English H