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MSi * * THE FOBT MILL TIMES Pui4MiMl Every Thursday. FORT MILL, 80UTM CAROLINA. t=^S=SS=S===^=!==!======S===S^ Just what does the "slash" skirt prove? Baseball Is a good game, provided your team wins occasionally. Also our notion of a useless occu patlon Is that of raising artichokes. In the barbers' strike riots In New York revolvers were employed. Next! If all jokes were judged by points, a big bunch of them would Bcore minus tero. Another much needed Invention Is a golf ball that will whistle whenever It Is lost. The silk hat has survived a century. Ilut the green one?a few months should suffice. When the Halkan states feel like borrowing $1,000,000,000, what does Turkey feel like? The dollars are flowing In for turtle serum, but where are the absolute proofs of worth? It Is our notion, however, that the | world needs Blmpllfled talking more than Blmpllfled spelling. i/os Angeles has two lndy "coppers" and It Is Bald to be quite a sensation to be pinched by one of them. After all, why correct the proof even If the compositor does set It up vulgar Instead of Hulgar styles. What a comfort It would be If mos | qultoes were as fastidious ns nre rain- | bow trout In the matter of biting. 'Twaa a mean man who Insinuated that at a suffragette meeting he not only heard plain things but saw 'em. ficKpocKets may conclude to plena that In this day of empty purses and dollar watches they earn what they get. They say that the taste for Manila cigars can be cultivated. Anybody who likes nrtlchokeB ought to believe iL When unnecessary noise is abolished the picture of a messenger boy looking at an automobile horn will be pathetic. What has become of the man who used to eat Btrawberry shortcake all the time and then wonder what ailed his system? Irrespective of currency reform, thero should be dough for everybody soon. The winter wheat crop has the best of prospects. An advance of $5 a foot is announced in the price of Bhow snnkes. Hut an advance in the price of the bar room kind would be better. This country bus imported $16,000,nnn tVAH V* r*f irn ?-?-> I1 atnoo tKrt rtwo* wv <1 ?/ vti VI o^ilia OIUV/C mc 111 Ol VI the present yeur. Somebody must bo trying to square himself with his wife. The strength with which a man wields a piece of bamboo depends upon whether said bamboo Is a component port of a carpet beater or a fishing rod. The statement made that a woman : saw a soul passing from a dying relative's Hps Is received by scientists with skepticism. Even were such a thing allowed to be possible there ' are so many souls so Binall as to be Invisible under any circumstances. "How long since you have seen a woman darning n pair of socks?" uskH the Cincinnati Enquirer, thus offering an admirable topic for the historical societies. The new British ambassador Is re- i ported to be a baseball fan, which may prove even more influential than proficiency on the tennis court or the golfing green. That all potato cars must bo heated In winter is the mandate of the inter- ; state commerce commission. There must be a society for the prevention of crueny 10 mo potato. The blasting at Panama la killing the aea aerpent. This will not do. At least one of the sacred traditions of ages must be preserved from the commercial iconoclaata of tho age. You remember, don't you, that (.automata borrowed 12,600,000 from Great Britain In 1860? Well, Great Britain la unreasonable enough to think It 1b time for Guatemala to wback up, and la beginning to be unpleasant about It. One sporting writer says that it la now anybody's pennant. But from the claims put forward by the various baseball managers we are led to believe that it Is everybody's pennant. The public health bureau says that fear of the germs they may contain need deter no one from afoasslng greenbacks as swiftly as possible, since the Ink kills the germs. Was anyone ever discovered who allowed such a fear to keep him poor, and If such a craven-spirited soul exists. Is it worth while to reassure him? # WHEN H SMILED It Was When She and Will Tabor Made Up Again. BY E. R. MOON. We all looked upon Libby Arllss as in old maid, absurdly old. although her age could not have been more ;han thirty-five. But after her mother died she ceased to go about much in our village society; and by the time she was out of mourning Bhe had settled down into a lonely life in her little home. She bad a fine garden, and we boys and girls used to steal her pears and mock at her when she came out and threatened us. "I'd like to get even with Miss Libby for being so mad about our taking her wormy old pears," said Steve Marks, the "bad boy" of the village. None of us liked Libby. She was certainly as sour as those early Bartletts that we used to take with the more gusto because we knew that our discovery would let loose a storm of imprecation on our heads. That was how we came to concoct the love letter. Why we hit upon William Tabor 1 can't quite remember. The Tabors had once been the most respected family in our village, but William was wild when he was a young man and went West, returning broken down in health, a year or two before. I think Gomu one suggested that he had been Libby's beau long before, when she was a pretty girl in the wide-sleeved gowns then in fashion, and did her nlpnf iflll hflir In n lor hnn/llo I3??* , ..... ..... . .1 w jut IIMIIUIC. *?UV Bince he had come back he had never, to our knoweldge, viBited at Libby'b house, and if he had <donc bo village gossip would certainly have found it out. Three of the high school scholars concocted the letter. It ran like this: "My Dearest William: "May 1?dare I. one whom the world callB a sour old maid, avow to you something against which 1 have fought for many months in vain? William, I love you! There, I have avowed it, 'CTTdfl a Coming at Breakneck Speed. and you cannot guess how shrinking1y I write down these words which my hand 1b powerless to stay. I love you?and now I have told you all. The rest is with you. "LIBBY ARLISS." Yes, it was a gem of composition, and elicited screamB of laughter among us all. Only one girl protested. "I think it's a mean shame," said Sylvia Temple, turning upon us. "it must be juat nwful to be an ol<l maid." "Perhaps it will bring William to the point, though," 1 suggested, and that gave us un idea. Why not send Libby a letter by the same post? No sooner thought of than acted upon. William's letter ran in this way: "My Dearest Libby Arllss: "Because my tongue is weak nnd falters in your presence, 1 would fain write down the words 1 long to say to you. Libby, 1 love you. May 1 call to unn unit onrl toll r\f *V?/\ /WW nuu iru J 17 V* v>l IUU XUIUI passion which you inspire in my heart? WILLIAM TAHOR." We dropped these eplstlcB into the letter box and waited with ba^ed breath, metaphorically speaking. We didn't know whom to watch, but linally decided that it would certainly be William who would go to Libby av.d not Libby who would visit William. So, having calculated that he might be expected to arrive the following afternoon, wo ensconced ourselves? some half a dozen of us?behind the hedge across the road and waited. Presently wo saw, sure enough, Mr. Tabor's buggy coming at breakneck speed down the road in a cloud of dust. He pulled in the horse outside the gate and hitched it to the fence. Then he got out and went in. walking very quickly. He rang the bell and Miss Libby came to the door. Hut I had never Been Miss Libby look as she did then. All the sourness had gone out of her face, and she was dressed like a young girl, in that absurd old-fashioned dress with the hanging sleeves. There was color in her cheeks, too, and she was smiling. And as she stood there looking at him and smiling up nt him, he took her in his arms and klsBed her. That was enough for us. We were all thoroughly scared. We took to our heels and ran as hard as we could go. We couldn't go anywhere after reaching the village without attracting attention, so we separated and went to our homes. "Well. lady, there's news In the vll luge," said my father, when he came i home that night. I "I know, dear," said my mother, smiling. "Libby Arllss and Will Tabor have made up again." "Trust a woman for finding out these things." my father said. "Well, I'd always hoped it would come to I pass, but I never thought it would be i in juBt that way. It seems that she had written liim a letter two years ago, when he returned, and he found it, unopened, yesterday evening, among a lot of old papers that his fa- { | ther left." I "Oh, no," I blurted out; "she wrote : j to him yesterday, and he wrote to her. ( At least?I mean?" E "What do you mean?" inquired my t father, sternly. "How do you know ( about these things?" B "Oh, I sort of guessed, I suppose," I \ answered, blushing. | c The next morning I met Steve s Marks and ho caught me by the wrist, i "What do you think?" he exclaimed, j indignantly. "Sylvia Temple has just confessed tb*vt those letters never r reached them at all." t "What? Why?" I shouted. 1 "Because Bhe sneaked back to the post office after we had gone, and fished them out with a piece of stick ; with a fish hook in the end, and tore ; mem up?that's 'why." "Then how did It happen?" I asked, for my father's explanation did Dot seem quite true. "I'm blessed if I know," he answered, scratching his head, and at ! that moment who- should come along hut Miss Llbby herself. She looked ten years younger, and she smiled so prettily she gave me quite a scare. "So you boys know all about It, 1 see," she said, when we blurted out our congratulations. "I can't begin to tell you how happy I am and?and? well, I guess I've been a pretty crabbed sort of woman for a long time. 1 Hut now I want you all to come into my garden this afternoon and pick as many pears as you can carry away. | They're just about ripe." Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather, for I had hud those pears on my mind all day. "Pooh, that's nothing!" said Sylvia, when I asked her opinion. "It's just K what my mother calls mental sugges- o tlon. Don't you see? We imagined h those letters and wo imagined the e pears, and both came true." Hut the pears were certainly fipe. , P I did all sorts of imagining after that, I 11 and some of it came true, and some | t( didn't. The-best thitg that came true il was when I imagined that Sylvia and ; ri I were sweethearts. I Rl (Copyright, 1S13, by W. G. Chapman.) 11 MUST BE HANDLED TENDERLY k' Violin and Violoncello Both Extremely 1 k Sensitive to Changing Atmospheric Conditions. I si The violin and violoncello are most h sensitive to atmospheric conditions g and suffer from atmospheric varia- n tions quite as much as the tender vo- n cal cords of the singer. : k Those who have attempted to make tl the violin an ornament by hanging It I s upon the wall have had reason to re- I ii pent taking such a liberty. The violin loses its varnish and gradually Its j si pitch and timbre. The artificial heat of si rooms in winter makes its tone rau- n cous when it does not obliterate it en- w tirely. n Metal cases, morocco covered, are t! equally unfit for it. A strong, well j cl varnished wooden case, even though it be not especially attractive to the f eye, suits the susceptibilities of the violin much better. Certain qualities, j q sometimes unsuspected in the wood, play an important part in the falsifi- 1 cation of notes, cuusing progressive deterioration. There was a time when manufactur- I c ers applied to their product several I j, coats of "paint"?I. e., a concentrated c solution of bichromate of sodium potash in boiling water. The wood soon ^ acquired a yellow tone, and under the j (1 action of lights after drying, the color j (> darkened and took on the aspect of ^ the very old paint. t) For commercial purposes this was Hl all very well, but what happened to (1 the purchaser was that as soon as he began to use his instrument 'exposed s to the light the bichromate worked on the gelatin which the manufacturers employed to color tho wood and pre- J p vented the penetrating of the varnish, j, whllo some element in the bichromate j of soda was converted into stone. The | f, violin suffered petrification, which 1m- i peded its tones and rendered it use- j t) less.?Harper's Weekly. ' M a City Men Needed on the Farm- n In many notable instances city men s are succeeding as farmers. If they do * not know all about raising grain and handling live stock, they are ahlc, ?sa w rule, to apply business methods to , s their undertakings. ! Successful farm management must c include n knowledge of buying and selling. In this particular the city man P is apt to be ahend of his rural neigh- ' bor. It is essential to know what consumers require, what the usual retail v prices are on farm commodities, and w the facilities available for transporting e and selling. The man of city experl- t( ence understands these things, and he 11 goes In for a line of produce like ? onions, beans, potatoes, ducks, chick- 41 ens and carnations and asters, on which he gets big profits. It would not be like a city man to raise wheat at seventy-five cents a bushel and twenty bushels to the acre, when he can get ninety cents a bushel i h for onions and 260 bushels to the P acre. .This illustrates the whole idea. and no truth is more striking than the h fact that city men are needed in agrl? ? culture.?From C. C. Uowsfleld's "Mak- c ing the Farm Pay." U . . _ ... . MARY'S LAMB LOSES PLACE AMONG GREAT Modern Member of Sheep Tribe Creates More Excitement Than Animal of Myth. Chicago.?Mary'8 lamb never caused as much of a sensation as Joseph's ; amb did the other day at the Joshua ickard grammar school. West Twen- ' y-second street and South Oakley | ivenue. More than 400 girls were hrown Into a panic as a result of he lamb'B visit to the school. The inimal was to have taken part in vhat probably will be the last class ?f back-to-nature studies in the chool. At the beginning of the winter Miss | v.ate S. Kellogg, direct superinten- i lent, inaugurated a new class of aninal study from life. Cats dogs, rab>its, guinea pigs, birds, chickens and 1111' ?l J|i| IE' p It Headed for the Lines. uinea hens were brought by the var1? us pupils, and their actions and abtts were explained by the teach- j rs. . : Joseph Bosnian, a fourteen-year-old upil in the sixth grade, decided that tie knowledge of the class in regard 3 lambs needed strengthening. Ju?t | s the bell was ringing after the noon ! press Joseph started up the front tairs with a lninb tied to the end of piece of rope. "Why, Joseph, what have you ere''" exclaimed the principal, Mrs. ! lary Ryan. "Little lamb." replied Joseph lacon- > :ally. "Nature study?" But the lamb, probably becoming iispicious, made a sudden leap, jerk- \ d the end of the rope from the boy's j ands, and. with heels kicking, it I amboled down the hallway to the orth corridor. There it met some ' HO girls coming up from recess in ing lines. The lamb wanted to Join le parade. It headed for the lines. ! ome 400 girls promptly (led, scream- I g. Startled by the screams, the lamb ; liot down the steps and out of a ide door. When last seen in was j taking for the Bosnian residence, i mi .lusi-pu a ciose second, in the leantime it was half an hour before le teachers could assemble their lasses and quiet them down. IUEER- FISH SCARES JAPS idd. Salamanderlike Creature Taken in Net Alarms Superstitious Seiners In California. Venice. Cal.?The strangest fish ever aught in these waters was brought ! I by one of the Japanese fishing ; rews. The fishermen themselves are unac- ! ualnted with it, and the oldest bay j istrict residents have no knowledge j f having ever seen one like it. \V\ J I. Milne, who has spent considerable ime in Chinese waters, says it reembles a Chinese salamander, but itTers from the salamander in having o eyes nor any place where eyes hould be. The queer fish was taken in very eep water In the nets of the Japanse. and is about two feet in length. II shape it is not unlike a gila monster ut it is a dark, muddy brown in olor and slightly mottled with green lotclies scarcely discernible. The ead is like that of nn alligator. The louth extends far back Into the throat nd is shaped like that of a shovel osed shark. Three rows of very mall teeth are evident, and the en- ' ranee to the throat is filled with a I rt en membrane. From the hack of | .hat appears the head, the Jish is mooth. but remarkably tough. The ' nil is like that of a lizard, but indi- ! ates great power for propulsion. 1 he Japanese fishermen are much erturbed and fear the catch will ring them bad luck They say they ave a similar fish in th**ir home uters that can live in either fire or i ater However, none of those here I ver saw one. Legend says that in wa- I f?r the strange creature swims with a ] lotion like that of a water lizard and n shore waddles over the ground with s head down on a level with its.front set, giving ,no indication that it reathes. Goats Eat Crepe Off Doors. New York.?P. Marsekke, an underskijr, complained to Magistrate Murhy of the Hronx that goats went o far ns to tenr ofT and eat the crepe e placed on houses of mourning. He rged the magistrate to enforce a law onipelling owners of gcats to kee? be animals penned up. r i Says Goddess of Libei WASHINGTON.?"Some day that goddess of liberty on top of the capitol la going to fall down and hurt someone. 1 know, because I was up In it." Thus spoke Rodman Law, who calls himself the "human fly," while he was reclining on a bed in a downtown hotel waiting for a telegraphed remittance from New York, which was necessary after the way some friends of his had disappeared with his cash while he was climbing up the goddess' lnsides. "All that bracing material on the Interior of the statue is made of cast Iron," continued the "fly." "It was put up there before anyone used steel construction, I suppose, and I ocraped up handfuls of dust. 1 went nil over the inside and I'll bet that if something isn't done about It there will bo an accident some day." The "human fly" took the impending danger to the goddcBs about as He Found Out What th< IT IS nbtorious that street railway companies in Washington, as in other cites, have a good deal to trouble with rail joints and with the street paving along the. ruils. The pounding wlj^ela and the vibration of the track seem able to break down or break hp almost any kind of pavement which the railroads lay. The result is that repairs are made frequently necessary. For several weeks repairs have been making to the tracks of the Mount pleasant cars along Connecticut avenue. Yellow clay has been piled high up on both Bides of the truck. Strong men have been working there with crowbars, sledges, picks and other tools. At the ends and along the sides of the repair work has been quite a procession of flags, mainly red to warn of danger, but some of them green to indicate safety, and marking where teams or machines might pass. At each end of the construction work by day flutters in more or less harmony with the red and green flags a yellow flag, and at night lanterns with yellow globes let their light shine there. The question was put Duck on the Window Si m TWO weeks ago attention was called to a duck on the second story window sill of a tine old house on H street. "Attention was called*' is not a happy phrase, because neurlv everybody ,who passes along that part of II street knows the duck. In the previous' story it was said that: "Perhaps the family living in the house will be able to explain it, and perhaps not, but tho writer did not care to pursue the inquiry further mail iu inane i ur atucooai y uuoi i v a* tion and notation." The story of the duck is well told In the following letter, which was received n few days ago: What Middle Statue of THREE Chinese students entered the Y. M. C. A. Educational Institute not long ago to study, among other things, English, American history and geography. They are young men in whom the Chinese government is taking an interest, it having sent them here to acquire the English language in the shortest possible time. They haven't been here very long, but they're strong on English already, as will appear from this exclusive story, told by Myron Jermain Jones, director of education of the Y. M. C. A. Dr. Jones took the education of the three hoys as a personal matter. He gave them all the time possible, and mingled his plain language teaching with several highly polished courses in ethics, philosophy, philology, apologetics. etc. He dipped into the Gospel of St. Mark for some of the great social teachings there, and gave the three Chinese students a lecture that they would scarcely be able to get anywhere else in a month's Journey. Dr. Jones concluded hi* remarks. |K3TON rty Will Fall Some Day seriously as he took the fact that his friends who accompanied him to the top of the capitol had disappeared with his cash. Any old ttmo he wants to go back and sit on Liberty's head he is going to do it. but he 1b going to make sure that his friends can be trusted with a "human fly" pocketbook before he gets up in the air between earth and sky, with no one but a press agent to keep the secret. The "fly" went to the capitol in the afternoon with his false friends. He climbed up a column on top of the dome, using a piece of steeple Jack's rope to aid him Id his efforts. Previously he had handed his pocketbook and valuables to his false friends who accompanied him. When he descended they had gone. "I went all around the inside and saw the rust. It was very dark, and I used up a box of matches in there. Then I crawled up on the base of the statue. A 'cop' yelled to iie to come j down. "When I slid down the cop pinched I me" A rap on the door interrupted this story. A bellboy handed in a telegram. It was money from New York, replacing that which the false friends had taken with them so hurriedly. "Well, I guess 1 can have breakfast I now. So long." } Yellow Flag Was For to many fellow-travelers: "What does | the yellow flag mean?" Day after day the answer was: "Give it up." "You got me now." or "It stands for small P0*-" % X, Those yellow flags were getting on the scribe's nerves, and on one of , the few i 'easant days in early April he got on a car determined to pay an I PYtrn fnro tr\ !? ? v?, ,,?vi uui iuc oigmucance of those strange flags. He walked I over to a stalwart colored laborer, ' who was cracking concrete In the excavation, and asked him: "What does that yellow flag mean?" The man looked amused. There was pity In his eyes and his voice as he replied: "Hobs, dat am de sign to' de kyars to go slow." Simply crushed! v II Known to Many People "This is the history of the duck in the window: "My father. Dr. Clymer, surgeon, IT. S. N., on his return from the Asiatic coast brought with him some very beautifully colored ducks, which he purchased in Ceylon. "On the trip over, whether from change in climate or difference in I food or exposure aboard ship, all died | but one drake, and he arrived in H street In good health. He lived with us happily and contented for two years, occupying the hack yard, where he had a lurge pond filled by a natural spring. 1"When Alexander R. Shepherd put In the deep street sewers our pond ran dry. and our drake then became sad I and nttifnllv m?>i u.viniiuuuijr, una one day we found him dead. "We called In a taxidermist, had him treated, and placed him in the front window, always looking toward his native home. And when he faded out of existence we placed another there?in memorlam. He or hlB repi resentative has been in the front of j iC17 11 street for 41 years." Buddha Said to Teacher IThe boys did not stir a muscle, and Dr. Jones was totally at a loss to telL I I whether his efforts had made an 1m- ?H H j preaslcn upon those mute uu.l immov-. H "Have 1 made myself plain?" he- H Three heads nodded. "I should be glad to go over the ground again," be said, "if you are not. quite sure you got what I was saying." I And then the middle statue of Rudd- I ha spoke. "We gotcha. Steve," he said. H Which is certainly making progres* HI tn English H