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W THE FORT WILL TIMES Published Every Thursday. PORT MILL, 80UTH CAROLINA. This la the open aeaBon for TurklBb ruga and hot lamalea What 1b wanted la a cold etorage egg that bears the date of lta eepultore. Some of those new songs would make a respectable family phonograph bluah. Pythons have gone up. They now cost $5 a foot, isn't that awful. Mabel? PariH may have seen the last of the hobble skirt, but they are still popular In America. The French aviator, who flew 281 miles in 185 mlnuteB, had little time tc view the scenery. The San Francisco dog. with a gold hlpge on his back leg, wouldn't be safe a minute in Chicago. Noah was more fortunate than present day circus men. lie had no press agents on his salary list The soda fountain Industry is traced as far back bb 1552. Surely the soda thirst has not existed that long. Fashion may decree mannish skirts for women, but why masculine when they talk of embroidery effect? Strange as It may seem, while beef , and lamb and butter aviated, the price of chile con came remained stationary. Five million muskrat skins are mar Kcted each year, but when the conBurners get them they are variously named. It Is fervently hoped that walking does not Become .a tad. Cold suppers are not the most enjoyable things in the world. Sometimes we refer flippantly to the antiseptic life, but there Is no doubt about It?the free lunch fork ought to go. An experienced English aviator thinks bomb dropping at b^st a game of chance, but It will never be taken up like poker. In tracing the typewriter back to 1714, we fall to find any record showing when the stenographer took hold of the situation. Aerial deadlines are to be established. Thut leaves the cyclone cellar as the only place left for the poor In habitants of earth. Chicago, according to the latest estimate. haB a population of 2.307,628. but the next wave of crime may re- j duce that considerably. Taking Into consideration the nd I verBe talk against the tipping habit. ! we are forced to concede that after all tips are grudgingly given. It Is a mistake to nsBume that courtesy costs nothing. A St. Louis man. while In the act of bowing to a lady on the street, was struck by an auto- 1 mobile. Now In the time for energetic In- ! venters and vendors of bulletproof cloth to be Interesting high Mexican officials In their material for new I spring atyles. The New York baseball club has In- ! sured Manager McOraw's life for $100,000. Might not humanity pre | acrlbe n similar provision for the league umpires? Rtocklngs are not to be worn on the Cleveland bathing beaches next sum- > mer, says the Cleveland Plain Dealer A barefooted bathing beach ought to be worth seeing Selling old letters for $2,000 and $2,500 convinces us that the goose quill and the sand, used by our forefathers. beats up to date writing meth ods. financially speaking. A little piece of twine, which dropped Into the steering gear of the liner Lusltnnla, caused $1,000,000 dam age. It sounds "fishy." but the Cunard ' company says It Is a fact One concern In Atlanta burned $30.000 worth of one tlmo fashionable car- j rlnges to make room for the modern ' auto And yet the horse Is holding j ^iiin urn u iij iince unu niyie excellently well. A man In Pennsylvania who volunteered for service In the Civil war and j was rejected because he was too old ' has Just died. Rut he established his point, though It took him a long time to do It. Cleveland officials, who declare that the fly has been exterminated there, evidently plan to spend their summer vacations In some other state. Just to show that he Is a Jolly good fellow still. Sir Thomas Llpton will come over next year and lose another race for the America's cup. The Iowa man who missed train connections and was one hour too late for his marriage ceremony should appreciate Just how kind (ate ?b? to i?ilDJEA CHEST It Contained Treasure Which Brought Happiness to Both Old and Young. By GENEVIEVE ULMAR. "It's the law or poverty?take your choice." was the stern dictum of obstinate. self-opinionated James Ross, unci? of Philip Carle, who stood before him. *'I Am Rorrv nnrlo hut It'a r*a* V*r? law for me." came the clear, definite response. "I'm not cut out for It, the business Is distasteful to me. and I would rather have a crust of bread and my artistic ambitions, than the solemn judicial sense and a fortune." "So much the poorer you. so much the richer I," quoted the old money grabber. "You need bank on no dependence ou me hereafter. Walt." And the speaker snapped open a drawer in his desk and took front it a small package. "That belonged to your father. It Is legally mine, but I give It to you. as a memento or to waste, as you like. I wash my hands of you." Philip Carle made his exit feeling that he had made a pretty bad mess of his affairs. There was no help for It, however. The artistic impulse in him was strong, and uncertain as seemed the field he was bound to stick to It. He had not gone to his self-centered relative to ask money for himself. While he had very little of that commodity personally, the needs of another had urged him to apply for assistance. He undid the wrappings of the little parcel. It contained a diamond ring, probably n remnant of the wealth he knpw his dead father had once possessed. "I will never sell it." he said, walking on thoughtfully, "but"? and he stopped at the first pawnbroker's shop he came to. "I will loan you three hundred dollars." its proprietor said, and Philip nodded with a lump 1n his throat. "What About This?" trying to believe that what he was doing was right. Me at length turned into a small tailoring Bhop. Its show windows were neat as a pin. A rather unique sign swung over its doorway. It read: "Only the lilies of the fieM enn clothe themselves cheaper than you can In this shop." "Well, how is business, Mr. Garland?" Inquired Philip of an old man with tj?e worried yet expectant fnce of a person waiting and hoping for work. "Getting worse, if possible, all the time," was the reply. "I am afraid my venture is a poor-one. Locality bad, or else 1 do not know how to win trade. There's the mortgage, too. They have given ine a bare twentyfour hours to Hettle or give up possession. Why does not my brother come on?" "There is the money to relieve your present necessities." Hald Philip, handing over the proceeds of the loan. The old man stared; quick tears arose to his eyes. He waved back the geuerous hand extended, but Philip persuaded hiin with success. He induced his friend to make one more trial of his business experiment. and left him with encouruglng words. "1 had to do it," Philip told himself. "I can't see Mr. Garland lose his nil. If it is only for her sake?dear Isabel! How he has struggled to give her a musical education. So near to acquiring it. too. I won't regret a good act." It was Philip'H first picture, the portrait of this Isabel, that smiled down from an easel as tho young artist entered his studio. Quite incidentally he had become aennnlnfeil uMth Mr Garland and tnen with his ward Isabel was the daughter of the closest friend of the old man who had started him in life, lost his own wealth, and a more loyal guardian never lived. Isabel was perfecting a musical education and Garland never let her know how hard he was pressed. For over a month he had been In an optlmlstie mood. He had received a letter from a brother, a sea captain who had been off on a two years' cruise. It came from a distant city and on Its heels a large seaman's chest. The letter announced that very soon Its writer would follow, and that he had come to share a royal fortune with his brother. Rut since then not a word had been 7 . received from the ae& Sptaln. Business had fallen away, ai j now the I generous-hearted artist sacrificed his all to assist hij frierd8 No love word had bee! spoken be- | tween Philip and Isabe'. Evenings when he visited the neat I\r]0r*behlnd the little Bhop. however, Jnd the happy twain conversed of ar mUBic and of all things beautiful, fejt that their souls were in comply harmony. One week later Philip -vigtygd the | Garland place to find ?16 man immersed In the deepest gUfyjp. He ; had received a telegram^ attflfbtmcing I me aeam 01 nis oromer II *-*fc?pltal. The last words he Bpok?'wej? transmitted: "Tell my broth*,. lU the chest and Its treasure is .fcjfown." Its "treasure," accordUUCt^-^jl^-laud, consisted of some Balka^^jjothes. a few nautical instrument? ^apd a keg containing some oily of the "It's the end," said the <]o-man dejectedly. "My main is that your generous loan l*-'lbtt. They threaten to sell me out' tomorrow." Philip could do nothing further in a money way. He wan r*S&ute not to abandon his friends, ho*s%er That afternoon ho made a cootf|Ct with a picture houBe to do .?otSri? copying. The recompense was not l^-go?, but it would fit Into a plnn t > had for taking care of Garland until the l<jjtter could find new employment. He was greeted with a Raj pppctaclo when ho reached the Gar|inj place that evening. The old man was pacing the floor distractedly. TLbel, pale and distressed, was seated tt, al) that had been left in the plaq. by tho ; ruthless creditors?the old s\a chest. "It will be easy to arrange for your care until you get on your fiPt again, ; Mr. Garland," said Philip cheerfully, j "What are we going to do ^.itb the chest, though? Let us opei, an(j select what is worth while." They set aside a compOBS anfj ponip other few things out of the betero- i geneous contents of the ches^ "What about this?" inquired philip. lifting out the keg. "Why, \jr p,ar. land!" Reversing the keg. the yoUTg artist uttered a very startled exclamation. Across one end there was tracetj jn ink the word: "Ambergris." One hour later the happy c,|(j man knew that the old sea chest hud CQn. tained treasure, indeed. Worti, than its weight in gold, the rare and readily salable. r?PfS??nted over twelve thousand dollars. "wow Isabel ran flnish her ttLpK<" cried the old man joyfully. y?Ui oh. my dear friend! coinxan^d jh0 fortune you have discover^U*" slat you in any way in your Krtlgt's career." Tfc Isabel clung close to the arm young man who had ao loyally* their troublea. aa he escorted tJLeiit to a near hotel. The pressure Of "htr dear hand thrilled Philip ('aria \ old man walked prudently, 0I the happy pair. And when they parted foil night, the decision had been re'tChed that the mualcal and the art ? should be pursued?together.*' (Copyright. I!d3. l>y W. O. '!"hapit in) CAME OUT OF HIS "?lw E But It Took Some Language* by t^e Motor Bus Conductor to Arotn t Him. vl te\ * "Pares, please." But the passenger on tor d| j^e Fifth avenue motor bus gave no llf.P(p "Fares, please." This time a 1 ttje louder. Still the passenger oblivious. "ny the ejaculatory term 'far,^ said the conductor. T imply no r^f'or. ence to the state of the weather, complexion of the admirable blqn(jp you observe in the contiguous ?,oat, nor even to the quality of Beryjce vouchsafed by this philathropic ;or. poratlon. 1 merely allude, in a n an. ner perhaps lacking in delicacy |i)Ut not in consclseness. to the monetury obligation set up by your presencd jn this conveyance, and suggest tl\at. without contempering your celebiijty with enunciation, you immediately pL0. ceed to liquidate or?" And at this point the pnssen?et emerged from this trance.?New Y(Lr]( Mail. 1 Bibles in Bristol. A hint of ancient Hibles in :*f neighborhood of Bristol has btAMHL many other confessions of cofl^^KKS treasures There is n "1 Hi hie of into, niOHM 1555 in a country cottage, a good condition dated 1599. and er dated 1594, which the owner.jHkfy'-! a poor man. would like to sell. tHJn also is in good condition. They 4MB j> their Hibles well when printing^KjHflf young, and that is possibly the jfltjnV1 of their preservation. Those long-preserved west coftR; Hibles remind one of the ' sanctity which the Hible attAfiM< among those who never open?!?* "We always keep a Hible In the fK?n in case of illness," said a plou# vfl lager, "but, thank heaven, we've^baa no use for It since poor old graft^W ther was took!"?London Chron ' l9' I I The Mimosa. i The mimosa or wattle. triotlc Australian* wore recentlpftfti.. celebration of the anniversary otjepSI^ landing of the first colony of EnpSfitti] draws its name from its supposed' mimetic powers. Hs leaves wereli thought to assume the shape of anl 1 mals. Shelley knew it as the scnsi- ; tlve plant, and other poets have rep resented the mimosa as curling up when the sound of a horse's hoof* came within a mile or two. Southey imagined the mimosa as a giant tree and saw men reclining "beneath Its 1 shade." But the mimosa Austral > I ians know is of moderate dimensions ( .. .f TROUT IS TRAINED TO DO CIRCUS STUNTS They Jump Out of Water for Morsels, Spring Through Hoop and Stand llnrinht. Tort Townsend, Wash.?Educated seals, cultured cats, trained dogs, chickens, mice and the rest may as> well take a back Beat. C. \V. Lange or thiB city has a school of trained trout that do about everything he tells them, both In and out of the water. Lange is a fish fancier, and his trout pool is one of the showplaces of Fort Townsend. All the Annies in his trout pool are 18 inches long and weigh about 4'f: pounds each. He has always taken a great delight In feeding them, and when some months ago several of the fish leaped clear out of the water tc get the bits of steak he was giving them for their supper he saw possl ? Had Them Jump Through a Hoop bilitfcs. Kvor since that time he has been educating the school. First he throws a few small bits ol meat into the water to let them knowit Is feeding time; then he has them jump out of the water to cat eh the morsels, has them jump through a hoop, stand upright on their tails, flip to the reverse, nose downward, and makes them shove a pushball in the water. He has a fairy boat, with strings dangling, and at his command they will take the strings in their teeth and pull away on the tiny boat for dear life. Feeding time Is as good as a circus at the Lnnge homertead. and hundreds gather about the pool to see the show almost every day. lie says that as soon as he can teach them to spar with gloves and repeat the Lord's prayer he will start out on the road with his pets. DREAMS HE'S OM A VOLCANO 'Jsea Electric Warmer: lllusior Is Shattered on Arrival of the Firemen. Chicago.?All his life J. It. Orelnei f?*'.l Lake avenue. Wilmette. has been troubled with cold feet KMnnllv hi. purchased an electric pad foot warmer The other night was the first time he had occasion to use It. Wrapping it carefully arotind his frigid feet Grelner drifted off into pleasant dreams Warmth suffused his whole system., lie was in a bathing suit, dabbling In the tropical waters of the gulf He walked barefoot on warm, white sand He swam in warm water far out into the gulf to a tiny speck in the distance. It was an island, the j?enk of a volcano, r .'The lava was warm and soothing to his former chilled feet. He sat on tiie edge of the orates and dabbled els feet in the seething water within, f "Wow'" "Oli h hl" "Ouch!" t A terrific shriek arose in the night and its echo reverberated Flash' ust like that disappeared the warm Vision Hut some of it was real relner cotild smell the crater's smoke f Outside n clanging announced a re department answering a call ' orclicd feet within told Orrlner that heat somewhere was renl. Then a half-clad volunteer fireman of the W'imette department buret into the pom. Tin minutes later tttlt part of the bed and house that had caught fire from 'he foot warmer had been saved |r< r.i further ruin and Crelner soothed his burns with oil "Cold foot npnln." he mused dlstonsolatr iv: "I might have known that dream of warmth was too good ft be true." Courteous Suicide. KblMgOr "Scatter my nshep In the f?u r winds." wrote George Williams to his undertaker friend, before he shot himself. "Pardon mo old fellotf for pausing the trouble." read the letter. "Ill health caused the action." %Quecr Navy. Perne.?The Swiss navy no longer w ill be .? joke If the government succeeds in Its project to raise a fund hy p? pular subscription to purchase a fleet of aeroplanes. f : \ i v i I s, J * yCr^'^-3 -ar Lone Set of Whiskers Up : nr vSHINGTON.?It was whispered. ' ! *? but the whisper was not absolute- . w verified, that the real absorbing question before the Wilson cabinet at | its special meeting the other day was that of a delicate tonsorial policy, one ; Involving the much-vaunted "J?-ffer- , nonian simplicity" in its inherent prln- ! clplcs and requiring razor-edged dl- j ploinacy in Its treatment. The intricacies of the Mexican situ- ! ation, the matter of patronage distri- ] bution. the subject of diplomatic rela- 1 tions with South and Central America, the tarifT, the currency and kin- j drcd topics all were shelved while i the cnbinet members turned their combined statesmanship loose 011 a pair of offending whiskers. Secretary Redfleld of the departj ment of commerce is the owner of the hirsute appendages in question. With j one exception the other members of the cabinet are as smooth-shaven us was Jefferson himself. Not one lias a ! hair 011 cheek, chin, lip or Jowl, while ! a few in addition have domes that Gray Squirrels at Soldiei THE- gray squirrels in the Soldiers' 1 Home grounds are happy and well | ted. Perhaps it may be that they are j the most carefree and the best fed squirrels in the district. There is a . : strong friendship between many of i the veterans and these frisky little : creatures. Of course, they are tatnc, j very tame. This Is not peculiar to the Soldiers' Home squirrels, because j the squirrels in. the capitol grounds.; In the Smithsonian grounds, in the Monument lot, in Prahklin park and ; In other of the city squares ure ex- i tremelv tame. Hut these Soldiers' ; ; Heme squirrels when they see a man i in blue und feel the want of a hick- | i ory nut or a filbert or u peanut do not hesitate to walk right up to him ! or climb right up on him and ask in the squirrel language for What they j want. West of the main building, Scott ; "hall, Is a tree whose summer shade > Is dense. Under it is a rectaugle of | brick pave. On this pavement are rows of bepches placed as they would 1 be in a hall, that is, the rows are as ' close together as they can be for the j comfort of the occupants. Many ;nen sit there on warm and genial days and on soft and balmy evenings. It is a squirrel playground. Hut in winter the benches are removed and the veterans do not 'linger there. Neltb- ; er do the squirrels. , In the rear of the Anderson cottage ' ?the cottage from which President i McCoy's Humor Enlivens I *"?' \ f THERE SEEMS T4 | S ? J 6E A CREAT MAMY T^2V:^ lA I5UCK6RS IN TW' J Representative m'coy of new Jersey, one of the most serious1 faced men in congress, has the most ! surprising way of enlivening the dehates of the house with humorous suggestions. No one is safe in speech or a motion when McCoy is on the j floor looking solemn, i Recently, during a discussion of n project to erect one-hundred-thousandj dollar memorials in Washington, L>. C., to Thomas Jefferson and Alexan; der Hamilton, Representative Cooper ! of Wisconsin wanted to know what , had become of a fund raised by the sale of Thomas Jefferson's works, and I which had been advertised as a fund with which to erect a statue to the Where Representative M: ii k GAND1DATK for congress has to J\ stand for a good many things, ; but I draw tho line on drinking snnke liquor," said Representative James T. McDermott of Illinois. "You see, it was this way. I had been iu a mighty hard- campaign and was about exhausted. I dropped into a cafe run by an old German. He inquired about, my health, and 1 told him thnt 1 was 'all in.' " 'My side hurts, my head aches, my lungs are sore and I am just about played out,' I complained. " '1 bin mighty glad you tolt me : about it,' he replied, all sympathy at once. 'I got der stuff dat vill yust i fix dat all right.' "With that he reached beneath the bar and pulled out a big bottle in which there were floating half a dozen small snakes, and he insisted that I should take a drink of the mixture " 'It vlil make dat all right in no \ JJjf 4 ' " .it > -sSfei ft wmm' sets Wilson's Cabinet ? ' ire sparingly thatched. The Secretary of Agriculture. David F. Houston, las a very small mustache, so spare n fact, that It is barely noticeable. Opposite President Wilson sits Mr. Redfleld at the foot of the great mahogany table, a position that makes his facial decorations all the more conspicuous. The whiskers that tickle the fancy of the cabinet are of the Burnside pattern. If allowed to grow a bit more luxuriantly they would be a famous pnir of Dundrearies. They lack the swishing whiskbroom of Senator Kern's beard, but are of a tvne that might adorn with equal grace a prosperous banker or a patent medicine man. When the Redfield Burnsides loom in sight their wearer might be taken for a successful manufacturer, a returned missionary or an advance agent for a three-ring circus, for they lack the umbrageousnesa and the effulgence thnt go with the statesman's cut. In official circles it was reported that a resolution was presented asking that Mr. Hedfleid detach himself from the whiskers. This report raised a question !n a western delegation of how such & tonsoriul policy adopted by the national administration might affect Col. James Hamilton Lewis in his contest for election to the United States senate. V Home Are Well Fed Lincoln went forth to see the attack by Early's troops on the northern lino of Washington's defenses at Fort Stevens,: and which . has been occupied as a summer homo by other presidents?is an oval around whtcji ten elms are growing. ThiB oval is bisected east and west by a brick walk. On the trunk of each of theso trees about six feet from the ground t is nailed an old grape basket; and ' V-\ each of these baskets is kept nearly filled with nuts and acorns.' It is the principal dining room of the Soldiers' Home squirrels?the squirrels' mesa hall. These little baskets ,of acorns may be seen on trees in other parts of the Soldiers' Home grounds, but here they are close together. i. The Anderson cottage is pebbledash?that is, the walls are. Squirrels climb these walls and scamper up and down as nimbly as they do the trunks of trees It seemed to the Rambler that a number of the squirrels have built their homes somewhere back under the eaves of this cottage. Debates of the House great founder of the Democracy. The house fell into a general clatter of talk over these books and it develop ed that. nearly all the .Democrats had bought them, while from such goodold Republicans as Uncle Joe came suggestions thst "the gentlemen on the other side are easy marks." Whereupon Representative McCoy, as serious as he was the day he undertook to probe the expenditures in the postofllce department, arose and addressed Champ Clark: "Mr. Speaker," he said, "as there seem to be so many suckers in the house, I move that the bill he referred to the committee on merchant marine and fisheries." And, Speaker Clark, without a smile, put the question, and the bouse voted "Ave" 'with a roar. This is only one instance of a great many exhibitions of the New Jersey representative's dry humor. He Is always so extremely serious that his humor has every appearance of being unconscious. This of course adds to its effectiveness. _ n r\ .1 ^uermoit urew tne Line time,' he explained, sympathetically. "Now I wanted this man's friendship, hut I simply could not go the snakes. I have heard that snakes could be found in things handed over the bar, but this was a little too realistic for ir?e. "I afterward learned that he turned against me for refusing to take his remedy and that he voted for my opponent; but 1 think that it was asking too much of a mazt to expect him to drink itquor in which he can see. snakes in advance."