Fort Mill times. (Fort Mill, S.C.) 1892-current, March 15, 1906, Image 4
r
WHAT A OOAT TAIL DID.
To a law Abiding Citizen Who \Vns
Making Himself Generally Useful.
Gideon Woodruff,of Capner Street,
was limping around these streets Inst
week?-and Is at It yet?liken hero of
many battles. His foot had met with
strange adventure. It seems that
Gideon arose beforo breakfast on
Monday of last week, and taking tho
bint that a pan of ashes would look
neater on tho dump In the garden,
resolved to carry It out. Before
starting out o' doors In tho cold uud
darkness, however, he reached for
his overcoat, meaning to throw It
over his shoulders. In so dolnir. the
tall of thn coat caught the snout of a
pot of boiling coffee on the kitchen
rango, bringing It down upon one of
Otdeon'a feet?the othor not being
convenient. The scalding fluid had
plenty of "pea room," bo to Rpeak,
for "Old" had only his slippers on,
and the foot was badly burned. For
a time there was "music" and dancing
In that home, although the hour
was unseemly?and In the exciting
festivities of the hour the ash pan
on the hearth was forgotten.?Democrat-Advertiser.
The Important (Question.
"Charles asked mo the all-Important
question last night," said Clara. |
"What?a proposal?"
"Oh, heavens, no. Ho wanted to I
know If I would like the uso of his
anto while he was away this sum- |
mer."
"And what about the other ques- i
tlon?"
"Oh, that will come; hut I felt uncertain
about the auto."?Cincinnati
Commercial Tribune.
The Worm Turns.
Garrulous Acquaintance ? Aren't
you Bometlnies afraid a day will come
when you will have written >o\irself
Out and will have to quit and go at
something elso for a living?
Bonis (struggling author)?My
dear sir, such an Idea Is wholly fallacious.
You have been talking for
fifty years, and you haven't talked
yourself out yet, have you??Chic.a0O
Tribune.
Hank Heresy.
"T sometimes think," said Deacon
Ironsides, "wo Hhall have to summon
Brother Hardosty beforo the church
board."
"What is the trouble with Brother
Hurdeety?" asked Kldor Keopnlong.
"He is finding fault with the plan |
Of creation. He says there are too
many carp and dogfish and too few
black hnflM." rhliMiirn Tflhnn?
Impossible SaxKt'si l?n.
Doctor?Don't spend any more
money on medicine! The quickest
way for you to got fat la to havo a
contented mind.
The Patient?That may all be,
but medicines are cheaper. 1 couldn't
got a contented mind for lean than a
million dollars, and I haven't got
the prlco!?Detroit Free Press.
, So Different.
Uncle Wlnthrop?And what do
you deslro to bo whon you have become
a man, Emersle? Whon I was
your ago. I wanted to be a pirate.
Emerson Lowell Backbelgh?The
aspirations of modern youth are so
dtfferont, unclo. Now 1 should like
to be a promoter.?Puck.
Word From Hr'er Williams.
Don't think de world's gwino tor
turn roun' tor look at you; Ue best
thing you kin do Is ter keep up wid
. de world.
Try ez you will you can't take up
do sunshine, an' you won't find no i
Happiness lu standln' In anybody's
light.?Atlanta Constitution.
The Hurtling Hug.
Alice rushed In from the garden. '
whero she had been picking flowers.
She was badly stung by a bee, and
was holding on to her finger and
sobbing pitifully.
"Oh, mamma," sho cried. "I
burned mo on a bug!"?Brooklyn
Life.
The Bride's Task.
Mr. Newlywed?Now that we're
married, dear, you have a serious
tank before you.
Mrs. Newlywed ? What's thut, j
Tom ?
Mr. Newlywed?You must provo
to my sisters that you are worthy of
mo.?Philadelphia Ledger
Helping Him Out.
Mr. Tliumld?You are going to be
??er?marriod, I hear.
Miss Lovott?1 sincerely hope to
be.
Mr. Tlnimld?When, may I nak?
Miss Lovett (desperately)?You
may ask me now If you really care
tor me.?Philadelphia Ledger.
Confidence and Uncertainty.
"Thuro are two kiuds of automobile
face."
"For Instance?"
" i no ruco a man wears In his own
niRchlno and the face ho wears when
he rldos with another man."?
Brooklyn Life.
Vetoed.
Mrs. Subbubs?Wo really ought
to have ono of thoso burglar alarms
put In.
Mr. Hubbubs?Whnt! nnd have
the thing go off at night and wake
the baby! No. ma'am, not much.
When Benny Hutted In.
Mother ? Henry says you slapped
him and threw him out of the nursery.
Bertie-?Well, I'm building a pence
palace, aad he kept buttln' In.?San
Franclaco Nowe Letter.
i
NO CAUSE FOR ALARM.
The Old Lady Was Able to Manege
the Horse.
There were severnl people In the
shop when the stranger entered, and
so he addressed them at large.
"Any of you drive up here In a
trap?"
"Yes," Fald Farmer Crabbo. "I
did. Why?"
"An old gray horse in the trap?"
"Yes; but?"
"And nu elderly lady on tho scat?"
"Thut's right; but?"
a r>u |'i-uoo out; wau ixiuiiiigu inai
old horse?"
"Rather! I should Just think she
could. Why, she's drove him sluce
he \. as a two year old."
"Oh," suld the stranger, "then It's
all right. I merely a.ske:l beeauso
tho gray has started up the street
like a scarllled mad bullock, nnd tho
old lady's hanging on the back of
the trap, screaming 'Murder!' Still,
If sho can manage him, of course,
there's no uso of getting excited over
It. How's the price of tntem down
your way?" ? Birmingham (England
) Post.
Museum Muses.
Mnnnger?What do you think of
tho rough house that "The Bearded
Woman" created last night?
Tho Skeleton?I'm surprised. I
always thought ho was a perfoct
lady.
Courtship nml the Camera.
He was pleased?or, as he expressed
It, rapturously delighted?
with the beautiful features portrayed
on a photograph th<* lady had just
given him. "Some day," said ho, "I
shall, wi?h your permission, plead
for tho lovely original."
"Oh, Ernest," the maid replied,
"I really could not find it In my heart
to elve von the neirnttvn "
"Are you positive?" he asked.
Then the love on both sides having
been found to be fully developed, the
date was fixed, and the couple are
now toned down in a Loudon Hut.?
The Taller.
A Youthful Agnssiz.
"And what did try little dnrllnt lo
In school to-dn.v?" a Chicago mother
asked of her young son?a "sec >nd
grader."
"Wo had nature study, and it was
my turn to bring u specimen," said
Evan.
"That was nice. What did von
do?"
"I brought a cockroach in a bottle,
and I told L at her we had lots more,
and If she wanted 1 could bring one
every day."? Youth's Companion.
A lienuukahle Child.
Flatbush was telling me about his
young son.
Gotham?I shouldn't think you'd
have the patience to listen to him
"Oh. yea. I did. I)o you know
he'a a most remarkable child."
"Of course; they ull are."
"Hut this child is remarkable.
Flntbush himself says he never did
anything worth speaking about."?
Youkors Statesman.
Itcnllsm, us 1'suhI.
Fond Mamma?Gracious! What's
thnt noise In the nursery?
Nurse (entering hurriedly)?The
children, mum, have hern plnving
nntymobilo, mum. And Master
Tommy hns Just taken a big firecracker
and exploded It under the
oiin} iu uiiiKi' u:i uuiynioDiie explosion.
mum.?Brooklyn IUfe.
Xiii*"rtH from GrcirRla.
Trouhlt never comes to stay; but
If he only stays teu minutes, It's just
that much too lone!
It. won't do to wiiit for the wn, on.
The wise man meets it half way
down the roud.
The man who whistles on tho way
makes tho whole world feel like
dancing.? Atlanta Constitution.
Pointed Paragraphs.
You can't always tell?unless you
are a woman.
A stilT upper Up doesn't amount to
much if the lower Jaw Is too Umber.
A pessimist's Mfo Is seldom as
groat a hurden to him as it Is to his
neighbors.?Chicago News.
Not Quite.
"What a beautiful new public
building," exclaimed the visitor,
"and it's almost completed, Isn t it?"
"No," replied tho citizen; "It
looks like it is completed, but they
haven't exceeded the appropriation
jot. ?inuiuun[ioiia ouir.
Limitations of Mero Machinery.
The irritable employer turned to
bis typist with h sudden snarl.
"Why don't j >u write it Just as I
Mty it?" he demanded .
"Because my typewriter hasn't
the catarrh," she quietly responded.
?Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Lv'i.i ..A:-,.. I
#
| A GENTLE HINT.
Which Caused the Unsuspecting to
Take Ills Departure.
The uncouth Individual had decorated
the car lloor with amber.
"Excuse me," said the stranger in
the next seat, "but did you ever visit
tho stockyards?"
"Believo I have," replied the oths
er, chewing vigorously.
"Ever ?,o In tho rooms where tlioy
make lard?"
"Yep."
"Well, you should have remained
there."
I "What for?"
"Because that Is tho place where
they refine hogs."
And th uncouth Individual moved
toward tho door.
A Slight PlfTerenoc.
"John, raid the devoted wife,
"yon told ne that there was a photograph
ov r the way that reminded
>ou so much of me."
"Did I?" asked John.
"Yes. Eon't you remember? Well,
I was over there to-rinv nnil I ill .-l n't
sec any photograph that looked tho
least bit like ine. Was it In an albu
in?"
"Photorraph! My dear, I said a
phonoyrai !i."?Modern Society.
i
Sun:e Ohl Story.
Enpeck was dining at tho home of
a friend. '
"Will you have some cl tho
tongue?" \slced the hostess,
j "No, thank you," replied Enpeck;
I "1 get too much of that at home."??
Judy.
Plausible.
Miss El "erbv- f o you really think
that women propose?
Olclhach.?If they don't, there aro
a great many marriages I cannot account
for.?Fun.
Foggy in London.
"So you were In London, ch? IIoW
did you ftr.d the weather there?"
"1 dldn'c have to llnd It It came
and hunt' J me up and surrounded
; me In chunks.--Philadelphia Ledger.
The Wise M. l>.
Hushnn - -The doctor told me I
must go to a "rest-euro."
Wife?Old he look at yourtonguo?
Ilusban.l No. 1 told him about
! yours.?J * 'v.
The Idea.
"I don' like the way every man we
meet stares at you, Eihol."
"Well, you don't expect them to
1 stare at you, surely, ma!"?Tit-llita.
Perhaps It Is True.
"It seems to me your wife ought
to do the cooking instead of employ|
lag a cook."
"Possibly she 'oves me too well,
mother."? Houston Post.
, No Hurry.
Poppy?Pr.h Jove, I think you
oupht to apologize for calling me a
! calf.
j Pose- 1 will.
Peggy?When?
Pose- Wait till I moot the calf
unrt I will.
Modern Life.
She?la It true that your brother
la going to remarry his divorced
wife?
He?Yea. He became ho well acquainted
with lier during the divorce
trial *hnt he fell in love with her.
Translated for T .les from Fllegeude
i Blutter.
I'nibreiln Clearing House.
Slst'T WllV. John* flnino ?
church, ami It's raining, too? Dear
' mo! you haven't gono for years.
John?Yes. You see, somo one ox!
changed umbrellas with me yester
day. and I'm going to swap this ono
for something choice.
No 1'se to Them.
She?I'm told this play was taken
from the French.
Ho- -Well, I'll bet the French gave
It tip without a struggle.?Uluck ami
White.
lioslng Strength.
"An' how'a ycr wife, Pat?"
"Sure., she do be awful sick."
"Is ut dangerous she Is?"
"No, she's too weak t' be dangerous
any more!"?Cleveland LeaderThe
illter IHt.
"Is It customary to tip the waiter
In this place?"
"Wh; -ah?yes, sir."
"Theu hand me a tip. I've waited
three-quarters of an hour for that
steak I ordered."?Cleveland Leader.
No Choice.
Ted?Do you think that old millionaire
will do auy good with Ills
money?
1 Ked?Ho'll have to. He has six
marriageable daughters. ? Illustrated
Bits.
NOTICE, .
Notice is hereby jriven that the ft*. I
visions of un ordinance relating t. the
running at large of cows horses, hogs
and other neat aninmls will hereafter
be strictly enforced, aud ( hut all violators
may expect to pay the penalty prvscribed
in said ordinance
By order of council this 9th of February,
1900.
A. R. McKlhanoy, Clerk.
When in the Market!
FOR
GOOD WHISKIES,
WINES,
BRANDIES, ETC.,
CALL ON OR WRITE
-JolT-T") 1\T037^1?.
IV. 1 , - 1>. Kj. |
^HftleDoctor
cives you
a complete treatment at
our store for 25 etc. His
specialty is Liver Complaints,
all kinds, and he
guaranty .s satisfaction,
cr money back.
Ramon's L:vcr F1II3
ar.d Tonic Pellets make
permanent cures.
For sale by \V. 11. A id ivy A- Co.
BO |
i ;U N ? ? I
I]
a _ . I?* ?"?1 ii
my \ ir so. R.
> j <.
? I r-Licc your f
) ?!-*- *-, or I ,.
? " i next order i>
in | hH"
i . ! kcov?:<! a i
liA^ 5 T?FTi-n l\
J ii I Vu4 u 1 Ll J f i
i r I P
; way 01 ; i^'fcbury, >:. C U
l ^ PI ion: 243. |
J gCOU 125 E. Council St j j"
" J
7 7 ^ "JT t <r i >r> .-*? <r* ;
uvuciks? j
- . -*i-. r^-a- rr rrrrrnrc^as^."
es?a
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v;^ - ' ' s
ir, , " " >/- ""'*v P
SiPW/.- v?/ J . .;?r-;, x y |
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f*W '? SVVr": ^**98^
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on YO?;?<
hunt?ua trui?
n-?>,*< i > i ? I'fM i -. I- u?*? i' sir. v. |
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rTFIES . . Ir.-uS". . ~x.,i$x OCJ ,
i'MTOl.S . f". n - iii; :o 60 O 5
f-IlO'lGl'IiS . ' r.j'.'i 1 TO 10 S5 00 j
A.Vy r ' .Iff < " .< .*. I
r?n? r j? 1 .r 1 ? ? at'.. c- 1? tutor- K
v . in:t. ? t 1 . ? t ! 1t. M! >??TIN?, )?. j ?]
t ,r<- '. i v ;? .1st !? ! }
f * r t.i i? r v ?. ?; ; ?. r? r In $utiri| i 10 9
. V .... Jin e. I . ..? . r. '
Our attn 'ive .1. r A i i !fi * All i c |
rnt.f ( < . ?l
J. RTiiVZ." i -AnMS J> V > TOOL CO., 1
P. O. Il.it 4 <A |_
LC'iiCoi'O, F.ib*. M '.s? ir *?. A.
WW-?? - ?
f *is *m-irxz ^x .xvbjxcpt l: ?;.si crrM)
| K:LJLw?C033GH $
|?kd CURE TI R I UNCSj
f \ ?,? ' & T
g w;th Ij if ( A b ?. **
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w, ?\p ' ?? <
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I ___ /CONSUMPTION P.b? S
.;n- sji.OO 9
}jj .:.>c ir.at. p
^ S>.' ? ; f Ml 1
th:: ja'l .. .v. * ira.oaa. a
j XJE3, or JACK g
Ti""' :?'
IF YOU W ANT -To buy, rent sell or
oxclmnw unythiiitf, p n?**? n "want"
ad. in 'i Uo limes. . thrco liues.
?
nf nnrahlfi Pain 1
f A Painless Cure i
fej Never resign yourself to
P pains are curable. They a
pt conditions of the female o
??] promptly attended to or daiij
p> tk
MM A OP1011
' ?
n IT CGME3 TO v/<
f4j| ^dienever sho suffers from soy cf v/c
[vJ It r.ot only compels the pains to s".c
toH the cause of the pains, v/hich prove
R>j| It makes vou Trv it.
fe] Sold ever/w! ..c in $1.C3 bo"J
^ WRITE US A LETT211
Jct< freely a:td frankly, in strictest confn!ence,
telling us ail your symptoms naJ
gj, troubles. We will send free advice
Pr? (in pla'n s. aled c ivelope;, h< w to
cure them. Address: Ladies' Advisory
Efe Dept.. Til. Chattanooga Medicine Co.,
ti). Clu uinooga, Teun.
| (Cabbage Plant
5 Thavo had seveml years oxporionce in ?1
| ami imw liavo ready I'm* shipn eon Kui
I : <;( Typ -Wain-fields, Ilendersnii l-necr
I varieties to oxperion oil tnu U farnterr '
f water in open air. Wi'l stoml severe < ii
if in iiii'u! l?o\? s. F. (>. II. hero, $! dip-i* 1
rial prioos mi larjro onk rs The oxqr
rati'Son plants this sc asoti. All plants v
pro for to s.tnd the money with t ho or dor.
and porsimal attention. Give me a trial
li. J.
nr>w v/x~, -c, tAio-ir ?> 01 n u ?
fsFilifr Eppol
Pc r-1'fil! Fvsr* Promise and U?
M l*""u tMSiC StvU'turo mtip'Ut the huli
kj * \m tlVflo r',lu "r it?ti-uaun from ki
M cured avfor to ruturu, uulio. t mercury ?
W r V Rorl'iiilUvtiyi
'A \ Tno Dr. Ring Modi
/C Iiovm <>f tor mate "f
\M /?'.'?? 4T -V l-erroua total chronic
' a /^r. ? ? > \ WsUlntlnn. I? th
f?l ky.AAf/ \ Pv??UBofcnttf..t
I /T&* Otimti roi< In the
| * ** t get: we use both inn'
i V."-' iS . j Our others ere e>iul
1 ] tfT let, X-mj, tlolrt *?<
> V conirlrmtce known u
^ * I it- dura id every rn
' . ) ti . 'ti?l total i
A x. ri~ sial licensed pbytolrlfl
/ >\ -"tsw \V> ? nloloy no ni
' * \ ^ l*>.-7fTyTs? pnlrortto^e -noC. O.
V Y- ' \i ' tiythi lie* ut ton O
\ \ -, ^ to flO.OO per niontl i
*-** '-u. u i V r.uceut n e.irt* with!
:;ya-srrir;mc is. GK!i3M!SDir>?
" W^UUDotfrfiS 'Vup.tme. H vK
UE.TiLCEJQILD r"ifl?r t ?-.?-?. Tuner* r
ri.iut-JUJ. ^ f s<i Tnrott, il'-n.l
m. k. kinq, IA d. cii>miii? ula." t
* * *? Cjvtjnitii Phvs'oian. r*?.\Uiir?l n sell tr?r
. t ?T. *.. us 1 j u?y reRtot'iott j 'ur cana Mutt 1
s . to 01, ! jro.t pur l.ie.ivture, iraluui.; *v
? t U:M T.A iloN, J XAUG/.TI
is 1/ fuort gat?w%? j. 3 No. 1 *
. ^rrrwmiwwMKTCT
fM?^HiS^SISiS[ErB!lil- [lijl
1 SOUTHERN
l *?rl
|
THE S3UTH'S GR!
; (El
^ij I iioxrt'licil Dining Cur Serv
, 52! ('onvenient Schedules oh all
i qij
| rki- Through Pullman Sleeping (
Wintes Tourist Rates in KiT
g . .
I"or full information iih to rates,
1 iJ&j Southern Railway Ticket Ajjfe
''I CROOKS M*-MS,
\>3 AG. P. A., Atlanta, Ga.
IfSL _
! ^TtBiSilv ?2SHiSl!5EI GUS
!~5St jS>3? iSiSISlifls fi
|JOB PRIN"
:Si NEATLY hXE'
^ Tin: TiMi-s o
y~}
L J I <-to:lira ds.N >ethend* Rillhcuds, S
J| Circulars, ISnvelopos, tftc. at the low
zij work. 5" end us y> uv orders ami wo v
fjj 'X'fcL.ggigl
Si?i?i3s5iSJaiSJ@!Sit!
OUR PRICE LIST.
Combining good quality and low prices.
Th" prices quoted below an guaranteed
to be the lowest for quality of Goods:
1 year old Corn Whisky, per gallon $1.50
3 ? ? 1.73
? .. ? ? 2.00
1 .. .. 2.25
5 ,, ,, Tar He -1 Corn Whiskey 8.00
1 ? ,, Good Hyo Whisky per gal 1.75
2 ? ? Goo I Rye Whisky " " 2.?k>
1} ,, ,, Good Rye Wh'sky " " 2.50
t ? (rood Rye *.Vi 1 y " " 13.00
5 ., t loo'l Rye Wle ky " " 4 00
Ko^liargo for vessel {tacking.
50c extra will pmjKiy expresA on one
to Iliroe gallons, over 8 gallons, 7.5c.
SHUUAN & GG^NY,
SALIbiiUUV . . . - N c.
I
urid kj w; a s s Mi
suffer pain. Women's W
re the sign of dangerous II
rgans, which should b? E
porous results will follow. j|
EE W
j.?s\ VI w\
4$%\ | q P
i/u m II M$,
3MAIi'S RSUE? $
men's tit'.ng and v/e-kening pains, m
\ but it 1 -llov.'s up ; r.d drives out P
r.ts (rc..n coming b.ick. S<
"WITHOUT A TAUi" ?
writes A'ary 5h?;ltr?n, of Poplar Fff
Blutt. jMo., " i cu.n do my housework, ffi
although, before taking CARDUI, two B
doctors haJ done rac no good. I can jj
trui fully say I was cured by Caidui R*1
1 want every suffering lady to know of B
this wonderful medicine." L
:s For Sale. ;1
rowing ("abpn^eplants forMietrnde i
ly .jersey Waketitdils, t hurlcston '
smiiiis, \\ hieti are (In best known
Those plan's mv ^niwn mar salt
(1 without injury. Prices, paekeil
M)0. I ot s of s,o > i at $1 'do rer 1 .<?.>:?. v
ess company is ^rivin^ us eh ap
.ill he s.ipped It >. I), unless you
Your orders -will have my prompt 1
iruer. Address all orders to
DON \ LPSON. Me^retts, S. O.
at Oar Patients. &
v?r NcM Gut faUe f'.opas. H
?i urbuugiiuiiiil Vifrtci'ctl* n ihoat B|
iwlit???i Cor>H|iliiu( Kinoil jffi
ip mineral MUiurnj loan rtt Manly tJ
'nmil; lit) lit mutant t'iit p?ri??ni>i t. H
' ill Co U tin IneUtuMon orgatitied urdor tl?o ly
. eors'a Xsr Ibc treatim-tit ami ourr ?-l s i |u
it aa (.?. ?. Dr. N. K. K': " thr ToondAr ot p
? chief cnnsultiait specialist, beluH uasi&ted h
nhyr'clitu.* and .urgoona. k
treatment 01 chronic <1l.iiifii la unaurpa-v |
Ileal and electrical ugrnclea.
pped wl'U a I llie galvanic, faradtc batterr.
n <1 I'lnca ray: In fact, every electrical
n the in-uioal prof jeston. Ourrinltanutn 1*
per', and we employ noun tiui the bust
t attendurus. regularly quail Hod graduate*
na bring tn charge.
Uluadlog u i tun to tenure patient* and
IVo or nim-ki'd for literature ar*scut Old
ur l?ru'.? tor t ronton nl average from 16 Od !
medic! ei. Inc'ndod) aud we give the aosur
n a e: ocltled''me. "
A f;. C e euoceesfully font nodInenaiV- |
tUuOl nrntty rurr *:1 cbr ule ?..?-irs
nuil ItludUcr troubles. Rheuav.tpun, ,
rle. I?r-tltm. Lwnu. etc.. end nil Ft I wit o
. I r.ia'.l.-rant trmblia. t'utairli of the a
and I.i.i :re. Itlseasof ISjo and F. ir, 9
, t.f 't'vnron, Ku.'h as jitvplnceinctit.*. t|
s, i.nd h uih arakieKri of wouu n. H
I j o.i are .Il k or atSlc -d. On request we
r..; ten 1 'n k? for hum* treatment. a
>V AS l? Af'VtCirr WRKK - *
flttanta, Ka.J
'^.-T - : nsrrrmW
sjui
RAILWAY. 1
=n
t
ETTEST SYSTEM. j?
if
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