The Florence daily times. [volume] (Florence, S.C.) 1894-1925, September 22, 1898, Image 2
/V'ra
'RANCH GIRL’S CHOICE.
shuck their beads, an’ whispered
( ’round,
In rather of a sneerin’ way,
"’to** I was crazy, when they found
Me goin’ to mnrrv TommyOrny.
They hinted that I’d best be dead
'^Ttoan hitched for life to such as he,
Put I Je? let ’em talk an’ said
S They didn’t know him well as me,
ur though he might be wild at times,
ie never did no ser’us crimes,
1 declined young Silas Pope.
Who slung at me his ranch and herd,
>AV put the rowels to his hope
r ™lthout asuper-flu-ous word.
An’ offered Tom encouragement ~
A cowboy working for his hlre-
The neighbors ’round us nearly went
In spasms, an’ they used to Ur*
ale halt tc death n-sayiu’ I
^wouldtake storable by an’ by.
A®' P* «n’ ma, both of ’em roared
♦ Like Texas bulls, they got so wild,
An’ said they wlsht the blessed Lord
Had tuk me when I was a child,
They said If I would marry SI
’T’d make big folks of all of us.
Cur Tom, they knowed at I
Would Hud he was a worthless cuss.
X told ’em plain as A I) C
Vy heart was doin' It, not me.
An’ ail the same I married Tom,
An’ you Jes’ ort to seed ’em stare
Ty see him settle down ’an come
Hlght to the front, an’ every car*
4 «*er had J«s’ oozed away
. Like smoke before the prairie breeze,
A-U’ we’re as happy as the day
^Is long, an’ also, If you please,
There ain’t a neighbor left or right
But thinks my Tom Is out o’ sight.
An'sometimes when I set an’ peep
At that fat baby lyin’ there
Curled In Its little crib asleep.
Resemblin’ Tom right to a hair,
An’ hear Its pa In the corral
A slngln’ tunes In Ids delight.
An’ wbln’lln’ dancin’ music—well,
I think I hit It mighty right,
An’ as fur HI, I shed no tears—
He’s gone to jail fur stealln’ steers.
THE SOLDIER'S USS
bt i«io«z:<a HAXcuEsTEn.
T the time of
Glory Price’s
birth the Civil
War had been
over just ten
years.
They called
her Glory be-
H cause, when .her
1 ^ soldier father
had, with at|k-
wark tender-
the warm little bin-
the
come back to yon soon,” and, not dar
ing to trust himself further, the strong
man passionately kissed the tear-
stained face and was gone.
Hhe could not shake oflf the strange
I'orboding that would not leave her
until her father jocosely asked why
finding a lover had made his Glory so
dim.
Time passed, still the shadow of ill
seemed never to lighten.
On that February morning when
the world Was appalled at the horri
ble disaster to the Maine Glory went
into the kitchen to give the order to
the grocery clerk.
“Heard the news?” he inquired ex
citedly; “battleship Maine is blown
up and everybody on board is killed
—but what’s the matter? Help!” ho
shouted, for the shadow had dark
ened, and Glory was granted the bless
ing of unconsciousness.
Then came the horrible days of
waiting for the official reports, and
finally it was found that Jim was
alive, but horribly mangled and
burned, and Glory knew from the dis
patches that he was maimed for life.
Honest John Price and his wife
grieved over the change in their
daughter, who was but a ghost of her
former self.
At last a letter came from Jim, only
two or three blurred lines, and then
Glory seemed to change.
With almost a return of her old-
time brightness, she went abont her
household duties until the twilight
came, and then, drawing a parent on
either side of her, Glory began, half-
timidly:
“I want to ask you both to consent
to my marrying Jim as soon as he re
turns. I want to care for this
mangled and injured one and nurse
him back to what health remains for
him; I promised to be true to him,
and I meant it,” and she looked
pleadingly at both parents.
“But, Glory dear, he can never
support you, and probably not him
self,” interposed her mother.
“No, mamma, I have thought of
that, but it is no burden to care for
those we love, and I am strong and
young, besides our great and gener
ous government will find some niche
for the wife of a Maine sufferer to till;
l am not afraid to try and I know I
shall succeed,” and in the light of the
slowly rising moon the upturned face
was angelic in its sweetness and pur-
ity.
“I want to be married beneath the
old hullet-riddeu flag—my namesake,
you know—for you see your little
Glory has found something to do for
her country.”
And so it was all settled, and when
Jim was able to return to the little New
England village among the hills he
found waiting what he had already
won—Glory—his bride, a soldier’s
daughter^—Chicago Record.
|lpi>opntainai Traits,
hippopotamus has
MAKING HOADS IN CUBA.
MANUAL FOR USE OF TROOPS
CUTTING MILITARY HIGHWAYS.
IN
and said softly: “Margaret, I n
gave my lif® for 'old glory’ and
all but gave yours for baby; sup
w® call her 'little Glory?’” and
gentle mother had answered
she shall be onr little
General Hoy Stone, Who Has Stodlol tlio
Island, Hays Good Use Can He Mado
uf the Guava Tree and the Palin—Of
Value to Army Knalneers.
Brigader-General Boy Stone, now
on staff of General Miles, has pre
pared a manual for the use of troops
operating in Cuba, covering the most
expeditious means of cutting military
roads through the tangled tropical
vegetation, swamps and underbrush
through which the American Army
must push its way in Cuba. General
Stone was the road expert of the Agri
cultural Department, but on the
breaking out of the war Secretary Al
ger asked that he be assigned to the
military service, with a view to mak
ing his expei t knowledge available in
road-building through-Cuba. He has
made a stU(D|r of Cuban soil, vegeta
tion and timber growth, and, besides
a personal acquaintance with the
country, he has collected a large num
ber of photographs, ror.-ps, etc., which
show in detail the topography and
vegetation of the island. With this
material in hand, General Stone has
framed his manual for military roads
in Cuba, which has, within the last
few days, been distributed to., com
manding officers for their guidance.
In opening roads through Cuba
General Stone makes good use of the
guava tree or bush, which grows in
luxurious abundance throughout the
island. He gives diagrams by which
this is to be cut, and the boughs
bound upward, making a compact
roll about the size of a small g.
These guava bundles, known as fas
cines, are laid lengthwise, one row of
bundles lapping over another, like
shingles. These are successive lay
ers of this bound together, making a
serviceable roadway strong enough for
troops and even for field ordnance.
The manual lays down the following
general plan for Cuban road-making.
"If the road is an important one it
should have about sixteen feet of
travel-way, and, to allow for ditches
on either side, the ground should be
cleared at least thirty feet wide.
Running through a wooded country,
the advance or clearing party should
he equipped with axes, machetes,
bush scythes and a few forks, and
should be instructed to cul-afid clear
away all vines, weeds ami small nn
dergrowth and to bind u|
dies all small bushes less tl
in diameter at the ground,|
dies to he kept for repaii
If there is heavy timber,
gang, equipped with ax<
will chop out all trees,
roots in the ground,and
into such lengths as \
logs to be Skilled or raj
roadway.”
It is then provided
gang, equipped with
into buu-
kan an inch
! these bun-
of roads,
ftho second
and saws,
(leaving the
thitrees
HELPS FOR HOUSEWIVES-
To Make 11 or*.
To make good rags, take old worn-
out garments, tear in strips, eew to
gether, knit them, as you do common
knitting, only on two hickory needles
•bout one foot long; knit any length
and width desired, then sew to a cof
fee sack, and yon have a nice, useful
rug.
Ammonia in the Kitchen.
The uses of ammonia are many.
One teaspoonfnl to one quart of water
makes a wash for paint. Will brighten
silver if used one teaspoonful to one
pint hot suds, then polish with cha
mois. A few drops on newspaper will
polish windows. Mix a few drops
with a little hot water, rnb on grease
spot, place blotting paper over, and
iron with warm iron. Good for
cleansing hair brushes, Will kill
acid on clothes. Add chloroform to
restore color. Will brighteil carpet%
if rubbed with cloth wrung out in am
monia and water. Good for removing
odor of perspiration on skin.
i'f 1
A Wicker Kaay Chair.
A novelty in wicker furniture is •
wide chair or narrow settle as you
elect to describe it. It has a very
high hack, and is evidently modeled
after the high English draught chairs
that are popular in many drawing
rooms, The new shadings of wicker
furniture combine almost every tint
known, with,however, the sealing-wax
re l and the forest green still much in
evidence. Spanish yellow is another
fashionable color, but with these de
cided shades come many delicate hues,
making it possible to match any sort
of hangings in furniture. The dura
bility and cleanliness of the wicker
furniture is adding markedly to its
use ns all-around service, while the
possibility of relieving it with pillows
and cushions brings it within the
limits of upholstered comfort.
Th« lilcHHiiiRR of a Hummer Stove.
No housekeeper who has once used
one will ever tolerate coal or w-ood
tires in her kitchen in hot weather,
though she sacritice a dozen other im
portant “wants” in order to secure
immunity from their torturing heat.
Gas stoves are always a possibility in
cities, but in small towns and in the
country those for gasolene or oil only
are available. Both kinds have been
brought to such a state of perfection
that there is little or nothing left to
be dosirod in their use. Oil stoves
require frequent cleaning and trim
ming to keep odorless, so preference
lies with gasolene. Every farmhouse
in the land should possess one, and
the blessings that each would bring
during the eternal summer’s cooking
to some burdened woman simply could
not be measured. They do not “ex
plode,” as popularly supposed, and as
investigation will prove, every ncci-
tly traceable to some act
right, John;
Glory.”
The neighbors bad said it was a silly
•ort of name; that Harriet or Susan or
even a fancy name like Bose would
have gone beautifully with Price; but
they for their parts never knew a child
with such a fool name to come to any
good, and they one and all hoped that
she would be true to her name atul
not come to an inglorious end; but it
was plainly evident they did not look
for any such miracle and would be al
most disappointed if the united pre
diction of the neighborhood should
prove untrue.
Notwithstanding the shadow of her
name little Glory thrived and grew so
sweet and wiusome that even passing
strangers would stop to pat the crown
of golden curls and gaze into the per
fect face.
Nothiug pleased her childish fancy
more than to hear ta'ci' of the uphold
ing of the old flag, and oftentimes
with shining eyes she would stroke
the empty sleeve and look up into the
weatherbeaten face she loved so well
and wonder “what a little girl like
Glory Price could ever do to serve
her country.”
Be a true soldier’s daughter,” her
father would reply; “for some day the
union may ueed stroug men and brave
womeu again, you know.”
The years came and went, bringing
with them a rare and perfect woman
hood for the old soldier's daughter.
She was still Glory Price, for to one
after the other she had said “No,"
scarcely realizing that her heart was
afloat with one who was serving under
the old flag, until site read that the
battleship Maine—Jim's ship—had
been ordered to Havana harbor to pro
tect American interests there. Un
shed tears trembled in the blue eyes at
the thought that perhaps she should not
see him again, and.startledatwhatshe
read in her own heart, Glory flung
herself upon her little white bed in an
agony of tears.
But Jim did come, just to say good-
by, and as he strode up to the old
Price homestead Glory thought him
the handsomest and bravest looking
man she ever saw»|
Before he left he had won her
promise to be his bride upou his re
turn, and, laughing at her fears, as
sured her that seuding the ship was
only a precautionary measure, and his
absence would not be long.
It was a sweet and sad parting,
their happiness ro newly found, their
separation so soon.
“I go, my darling,” he said, ten
derly, “to light for the old flag if nec-
and then my reward will be
the sweetest Glory that ever was given
to man. Yon will be true to me, will
you not, dear, and. God grant that l
tonoUc w.Srld, At; any rate for natur
alists, in another century. Not s<
long ago the hippoputamus haunted
the rivers of Cape Colony and Natal,
and '’Inke-obw bacon,” as the salted
layer of fat underlying the hide is
called, was a favorite dish, but now
this huge creature has disappeared
from both countries. The hunter has
been its enemy for many a century,
hut the rifle is a far more deadly
weapon than the assegai. The animal
has an appetite proportionate to its
bulk, and can accommodate a good
deal of vegetable produce. Besides
tins, it is u wasteful feeder, tearing
down and trampling up much more
than it consumes, and it prefers cul
tivated plants to wild vegetation.
That has proved its doom in Natal.
One herd was left at Seacow Lake, a
coast lagoon near Durban, and was
protected by the government. It con
sisted of parents and a family of live,
Unfortunately, these, like young peo
pie all the world over, loved “sweet
ies,” and made nocturnal raids on the
neighboring sugar-cane plantations
The owners petitioned the govern
meut, a warrant of execution was
granted, and the parental bull, who
must have been nearly rtfty years old,
was the last to fall, and will hence
forth he only an "exhibit” in the Dur
ban Museum.—London Standard.
How I<ast Thins* Go.
A mathematician has compiled the
following list of speeds a second: The
snail, one-half inch; a man walking,
feet; a fast runner, 23 feet; a fly, 2*
feet; fast skater, 38 feet; a carrier
pigeon, 87 feet; locomotive—sixty
miles an hour—88 feet; swallows, 220
feet; the worst cyclone known, 380
feet; the Krakatoa wave—at the vol
cauio catastrophe of August 27, 1893,
in the Huuda Islands—940 feet; the
surface of the globe on sea level at the
equator, 1500 feet; the moon, 3250
feet; the sun, 5$ miles; the earth, 18
miles; Holley’s comet in the perihel
ion, 235 miles; electric current on
telegraph wires, 7000 miles; induction
current 11,040 miles; electric current
in copper wire armatures, 21,000
miles; light, 180,000 miles; discharge
of a Leyden jar through copper wire
one-sixteenth of an inch in diameter,
£27,100 miles, which is said to have
been the highest velocity measured.—
New York Sun.
make the fascines, or
used for the roadbed.
The fascines are placed
butt end forward, and on
covering of earth about t!
deep. Each additional la;
cines has a layer of earth,
bed is so laid ns to bo solii
with ditches on each side,
easy slope, so that a wag
driven off without upset'
crossing low, swampy grou:
of poles or caues is tirst Ini
An InfeUibl* Teat.
The readiness of wheelmen to find'
fault with the condition of most high-*
ways has, at times, aroused much un
favorable comment, particularly in the
earlier days of good roads agitation,;
when the subject was far less under
stood than at present. The publio-
spifited crusade which they inangur-
ated was ascribed wholly to ulterior
motives, and it was not until they be
gan to demonstrate its universally
beneficent effects that the position of
the cyclist began to be at all appre
ciated.
For generations, those who nsed
the highways had been satisfied to
plod along as best they might, behind
steeds that could voice no intelligible
complaint, traveling as little as possi
ble in the bad seasons and never con
sidering the many ways in which they
would be advantaged if firm roadways
in every direction emancipated them
from the reign of King Mud.
But the bicycle opened fresh vistas
and started new lines of thought.
The patient beast no longer trudged
along through mud, over rocks, ruts
and stumps, up-hill and down, while
the driver indolently bonneed along
in the vehicle behind him. On the
wheel the rider, driver and motor are
one, and immediately awakens to a
keen and realizing sense of the road
beneath him. Every change in grade
is registered by Imman nerves, every
depression, rock sr stretch of sand
causes a shock to a human backbone,’
and calls for greater energy. With
bad conditions a severe strain is pat
upon the attention, pleasure is de
stroyed and wearisome labor takes its
place.
The bicycle showed conclusively
’that roads were wrong, and it largely
indicated the extent of their imper
fection. It thereby set in motion the
forces that have in ten years accom
plished much and are working toward
the accomplishment of much more nn
der the power of the inevitable logic
of events.—L. A. W. Bulletin.
OUR 'BUDGET OF HUMQE
LAUGHTER-PROVOKING STORIES FOI
LOVERS OF FUN.
Her Hero—A Bicycle Propoe«l-4Reclproc
Ity In the Nareery—The Pneh and thi
Pull—Domestic Note—He Hemem
bored the Occasion, Etc., Etc,'
She praised the boys who marched
To battle on the land and sea— \
Who bravely went prepared to pay \
The price of Cuba.: liberty; ^
She watched them as they moved along^
Hhe waved her handkerchief on high; T
She mingled with the shouting throng,
Whose cheers ascended to the sky.
She praised the conrage they displayed,
She dubbed each man who went *.
knight.
And, as they marched away, she prayed
That all unscathed might quit the light;
But since they weutAtbat maiden fair—
Admirer of the brnfcre and bold—
Has wedded with a millionaire,
Who’s crusty and to Arm and old!
' f , —Cleveland Leader.
if
For PoUojr*> Sake.
“There’s only one^ thing I everido
lor policy’s sake.”
“What’s that?” \
“Pay my premium.” \
An Infallible'.Sign.
“How did you first $nd out that
yon loved me, darling?”
“I found myself getting Angry every
time pa called you an idiot.-”
A Bicycle Proposal.
Reginald—“Will you marry me,.
Miss Simpkins?”
Miss Simpkins—“What wheel di*
you ride?”—New York World.
Iterlproclty'in the Nursery.
“Do you sing td'your baby to quick
him?” .
“Yes; but sometintes I think ho
goes to sleep to quiet
Record.
mo.”—Chicago
m tself,
Printing Money.
One of the enriosities of the Bank
of England is to be seen in the print
ing room. A man sits at a desk, and
every three seconds a machine delivers
to him two complete £5 notes. If he
sits there six hours he receives over
£70,000, and in 300 days over £20,-
000,000.
(•Ims Penccposts.
A glass firm lately received an order
for 500 glass fenoeposts, to be of the
usual size, and grooved for the recep
tion of wir*
1
odath an
a my be
ing. In
!d, a layer
length-
ise to the road, and the ffSoines on
top. While these bush ro 4 ^® nJight
seem insecure, they are, as TUnflitter
of fact, more solid than an ordinary
corduroy road, the bundles of bushes
being crowded together with crowbars
until they lie with the solidity of baled
hay.
General Stone's manual also gave
directions for grubbing out timber
where excavations are to be made, for
making sluiceways, and for the im
provement of sandy roads. Sugar
cane, which is abundant in many parts
of Cuba, is suggested as one of the
best layers for improving the sandy
roads. The cane is laid upon the sur
face and covered with about two
inches of sand, with alternate layers
Upward. Another Cuban growth util
ized for this purpose is the palm tree.
The fiber from the bark of this tree
makes oue of the best materials for
improving sandy roads. Warning is
given against the use of pine needles,
as they work to the surface and are
liable to be burned off.
The mauual is illustrated by a num
ber of diagrams, which show in detail
how these military highways through
Cuba can be best constructed.
The Laughing Plant of Arab!*.
The laughing plant grows in Arabia
and derives its name from the elects
produced by eating its seeds. The
natives of the district where the plant
grows dry these seeds and reduce them
lo powder. A small dose of it causes
the soberest person to act with the
boisterous exoitemeut of a madman for
about an hour. At the expiration of
this time exhaustion sets iu, and the
excited person falls asleep, to wake
after several hours with no recollec
tion whatever of his antics.
A New Use For the Phonograph. *
The phonograph is now used to
leach foreign languages. With each
phonograph the pupil receives a text
book and twenty loaded cylinders.
Each lesson in the book is arranged
in the form of questions aud answers.
The pupil, ready to begin, puls the
cylinder of the first lesson iu the ma
chine, the tubes iu his ears aud starts
the phonograph.
Discover? of the Caroline Istaads.
The Caroline Islands were proba bly
first discovered by Alvaro de Saavedra,
in 1528. In 1543 Kusaio was visited
by Lopez de Vallalcbas, aud in 1686
the Spanish Admiral Lazeauo gave
them their names in honor- of
Charles U-
nmon use in the
— Woman’s Home ’ Corn-
Keeping Meat Fresh.
To keep fresh beef, pork or sausage
during the hot weather, prepare as
for the table, fry very lightly, pack
closely iu glass, stone or tiu fruit
jarsp cover with hot lard, seal and set
away. When wanted for use, open
the jar and set where the lard will
melt, then take out ns much meat as
is needed, reseal the jar aud set away
again. This is much better than cov
ering with lard in open jars, as the
meat is almost sure to get stroug in
warm weather, aud always does after
a jar is opened if not used at once,
but when sealed it keeps indefinitely.
When injuring on the hot lard, care
must bo taken not to break glass jars
or to unsolder tin ones, and the lard
should not be boiling. Those who
have sealed fruit with cotton batting
and know how admirably it keeps may
perhaps prefer to use straight, open-
mouthed, gallon, stone jars for the
meat, as they would be a little more
convenient than smaller fruit jars. If
covered first with a heavy paper, cut
just to fit, then with two layers of
cotton batting tied on securely, aud
over all a stout cloth or paper to pre
vent the cotton being torn,it will keep
as well as when regularly sealed, and
meats thus treated will be as palatable
late in the summer ns though freshly
butchered.—American Agriculturist,
Kecripts.
’ Fried Carrots—Pare and slice cross
wise as thick as a half-dollar three
bunches of small young carrots and
cook in unsalted boiling water till
tender (about fifteen minutes); drip
the carrots carefully. Melt in a sauce
pan two tablespoonfuls of butter, add
the carrots and sprinkle over them a
heaping saltspoouful of salt and a
hulf-teaspoouful of sugar; fry for ten
minutes. Serve as a side dish.
Salad or Cold Meat Dressing—Two
tablespoonfuls of dry mustard, two
tablespoonfuls sugar, one teaspoonful
salt, enough boiling water to make a
thick paste (don’t put in too much
wft ter); pour into this one-third cup
ful melted butter, throe eggs beaten
thoroughly, one coffee cupful of milk
or cream; after putting all together
add one cupful vinegar; boil in doable
boiler until thick, like cream; do not
boil iu tin.
Fig Sandwiches iu Rolls—Split a
dozen tigs,scrape out the soft portion,
rejecting the skins; rnb this to a
paste. Butter either white or brown
bread, then cut the slices from the
loaf as thin as possible; remove the
crusts, spread over the paste; roll the
bread carefully, press for a moment
until there is no danger of the roll
opening; then roll it iu a piece of tis
sue pajjer, twisting the ends as yon
would an old-fashioued moito, or it
may be tied with narrow baby ribbon
«f any cobr.
Good Roads League.
Without giving the matter nn earn
est thought it might seem remarkable
that such a progressive idea as that of
numbering county houses by the ten-
block system, which is commended
without a serious objection being
raised against it, should be so slow in
becoming established.
There are some difficulties to be met
and overcoma, but they are not
serions ones. What is everybody’s
business is nobody’s business. There
is no money in it directly and person
ally for those who work to establish
it. It has to be done bat once in a
place, and the same set of men would
have no opportunity to profit by an
experience either in getting the super
visors to act or in douJ^'kieJield work
establishing it tT. , i
untry would be 'tnnJg a^particu-
larly good thing if they would add the
ten-block system to the educating work
they are doing for good roads. The
two should go hand iu hand and the
organization would be equally avail
able for both lines of work. The work
done in one locality would give knowl
edge, practice and experience which
would help in other places.
Abont all that is needed is to estab
lish it in the very best way in a few
prominent counties, audit would then,
as a matter of course, go into all other
counties. Will they not add this fea
ture to the Hue of good work that they
are now doing?
Are Not a Luxury.
The Road Commissioner of New
Jersey, Mr. Rudd, points out that it
costs three cents a bushel to haul
wheat on a level road a distance of five
miles, aud at least nine cents to haul
it the same distauce on a sandy road,
which goes to illustrate the practical
economic importance of good roads.
This is a point which deserves the
serious attention of farmers. Sandy
aud rough roads are wearing out their
horses and vehicles and increasing the
cost of their farm supplies and of the
marketing of their produce. Though
little recognized, this is a fact most
potent to the careful observer, and
most pointedly and truly expressed in
Mr. Rudd’s report. When this fac^
penetrates the minds of farmers more
generally they will begin to realize
that money and labor expended on
road improvement will save moneyfor
them in reducing the actual cost of
hauling aud iu saving vehicles and
horses.
It is high time to dispense with the
idea that good roads are luxuries,
mere fancy frills, and to regard well
made highways as among tho necessi
ties.—Easton (Penn.) Free Press.
Bat! Roatls—Bail Business.
A late dispatch from Casper, Wyom
ing, says that “on account of muddy
roads the wool hauling business of
this part of tho State is almost at .
standstill, many of the loaded wagons
being stalled along the roads leading
to this city. The wool market is ex
tremely dull and few sales have been
made. The clip will be a large one,
and of superior qualtity.”
Shots at Bad Roads.
The road improvements petitioned
for under the new law in New York
are almost entirely in the suburbs o:
large towns.
The city depends %a the country
the farmer’s welfare is the public wel
fare; money in his pocket mokes the
farmer prosperous; good roads aic
him to accnmulate coin.
The wide-tire law is still being dis
cussed in many plac^l despite the fact
that where it baa been tried it has
proved successful. The reasons for
the long deliberation over the matter
aro numerous, bat many persons
would like to see the law «don ted at
a 'nee.
Domestic Note.
Tommy—^Paw, what does ‘better
half’ mean?”
Mr. Figg--It is a polite way of hay
ing ‘the whole thing/ ”—Indianapolis
Journal.
He Remembered the Oceasloii.
Mrs. Benham—'“Every man makes
a fool of himself atf least once.”
Benham—“Will you ever stop
twitting me about my marriage?”—
New York World.
The Push and the Pull.
“It isn’t hard work to push a tan
dem, is it?”
“Oh, no! My hardest work was
pallin’ dad’s leg to get' the tandem.”
—Chicago Tribune.
And Yet Friends.
Browne—“How are you, Tom?”
Tom—“Well, thank you; but my
wife has been very ill.”
Browne—"That’s strange. Why, I
saw her sitting at the wiHflow, sew
ing.”
Tom—“Yes; bat she is^on the
Pan*
[d\tl
“I entreat you to pause,” saidvthe
girl.
He paused.
Then he kissed her.
“Did I pause long enongh?”
asked.
“Yes,” answered the girl, regret-
ully, “but not at the right time/’—
Now York Journal.
he
No Foolish Obstinacy.
Inquiring Stranger—“Did you ever
Kink what you would do if that rope
should break or your foot should slip
when you are cleaning the ontsido of
one of those windows on the seventh
floor?” .
Window Cleaner—“YjBS, sir; I’d go
ont of the bnsiness entirely. Think
I’m a fool?”—Chicago Tribune.
How She Looked at It. #
Mr. Short—“My dear, Miss Kate, I
lave a serious qnestion I wish to ask
you.”
Miss Long—“What is it, pray?”
Mr. Short—“Will you marry me?”
Miss Long (scornfully)- “Do you
call that serious, Mr. Short? Why, I
don’t think I ever heard anything so
ridiculous.”—Detroit Free Press.
The Only Inference.
“I have a piece of china in the
house over 200 years old," proudly
announced tho lady visitor.
“Then you must do your own cook
ing,” quickly replied the little girl of
the family, “for mamma says she’ll be
blowed if she can find a girl that won’t
smash a whole set of china every six
months.”—Detroit Free Press.
HU Unlucky Day.
“You had fine luck to-day, Sam,”
said the fisherman’s wife as he came
in.
“The worst luck I ever had,” was
the sullen reply.
“Why, Sam, look at tho great string
of fish!”
“That’s just it. There wasn’t acity
chap with a pretty rod on the pi6r,
that I could sell ’em to.”
Substantial Proof.
Mildred—“I just heard, a little
while ago, that your brother Cholly
was ill.”
Mabel—“Yes, he has brain fever.”
Mildred—“Oh, I congratulate you.
This must be a great relief to your
family.”
Mabel—“I don’t understand you.”
Mildred—“Why, this will prove be
yond a doubt that he has aome/’—
Cleveland Leader.
Fun From tho French. *
A Boulevardier is at once surprised
and enchanted to meet an old-time
companion whose suicide has been re
ported.
“It’s trne,” said the latter. “I did
want to kill myself, simply from dis
taste of life. And then eamo* along
the doctors and discovered that I had
a grave disorder. Since then, you
understand, I taka we of my self 1"—
Figaro,