Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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The E liA We have d asked by ma may come bt so come all t biggest and < every article "THE MERMAID AND HER UNDERTOE." She Flirts Her Flippers at the Gay Charleston Ellitors. Col. James T. Bacon in Sunday News. The most virtuous of all the news paper men in South Carolina, not ev en excepting Boyd Cole and James Byrnes, was requested by the Char lestoln editors to write nupon as low a subjeet as ''The Mermaid and Her Undertoe.' This was in reference to th late Parliamen .of the Press in The News and Courier. We have rea son to believe that Gulielmus Ball and Tomaso Waring did it. T.hey have evi dently been flirting with the mer maid, and found out, what no other men have ever discovered, that she has toes, Fie upon them! Aind they went and published it, and now she is angry with them, and is flirting her flippers at them. But hold! The mermaid, when we think of it, has no flippers; she has only a tail, that is, from the waist downi. Or would it be more chaste and elegant to say, ''eau dal-appendage?'' Well, the mermaid is flirting her caudal appendage at Gulielmus and Tomnaso, because they have discovered to the world that she has toes, or, at all events, a toe, and am undertoe at that. It runs in our head that it is a low thing to have an undertoe. One might as wvell have lo comoto attaxia or elongation of the os coxigis! But do mermaids ever flirt? Yes, the only mermaids to be seen among the wild waves of the Isle of Palnms nowadays certainly (10 flirt. They are also flip. Last week they flirted and flipped with Lawrence M. McDowell, of the Camden Journal, and Clifford Berry, of 'the Oranugeburg Evening News, and Thomas B. Crewvs, of the Laurensville Herald, aind N. 0. Os teen, of. the Sumter Watchman and 'Southron, and a beautiful boy of the Evening Post, named Corcoran, and Carolius Galloway, of the State, and James D. Fulp, of the Winnsboro News and Herald. But do not misun .derstand us. Flirting aid flipping are a matter of excellent form, in refer ence to which matter we are prepar.. ed to speak on excellent .authority, to wit: Gulielmius Ball, Tomnaso Waring and Neils Christensen. And there is Joh Calvin, of the Reformation, is -eabove reproach ? We think he is. The nearest he has ever come to guilt wvas in wvhispering to the mer maid, ''You 'll be damned if you do, and you '11 he damined if you dont.'' However, the mermaid saved John Calvin alive by quickly and totally rejecting all misleading Presbyterian fallacies. And there, too, is the handsome Rabbi Elzas, wvho looks like Caruso. Well, it can be proved that the Rabbi lent the mermaid a quarter of a dollar when she was in distress. 'She had no change to pay the borter for lugging her dress suit ease, and the Rabbi, handsome as Raphael, and moved by instincts of sub)limest mercy, thrust the silver quarter iunto her hand. She is a Peroxide Widow. The yonthful mermnais who flir hg 10 IR Will Be ecided to exi ny a happy a ick and reap his week. R( 0heapest stor is priced rigf and fliP with Ilwrence McDowell and Clifford Berry and the beautiful boy, Corcoran, of the Evening Post, are in nocent and unsophisticated, and we pell them with a little m., but the Mermaid, (big M.,) who has been discovered1 by Culielimus Ball and To maso Waring to have undertoes is a peroxide widow, plumped out in sec tions. She is a high society lady, and not youg. There is a strong and at tractive flavor of Florodora about her. She Practices Wireless Telegraphy. Of course, we mean the Isle of Palms. What other isle has an up country editor ever heard of? She sits upon a lofty rock at the upper enki, where De Soto and Ribault. never dared to land. She sat there when De Soto and Ribault sailed by in the dist.ance. She was young then, and needed no pink saucer and no salts of tartar. (ulielmus and Tomaso were so busy feeling for her undertoes that they did not see the never-fleeting sheen of the pink saucer. She sits tRpon this lofty rock and combs her long yellow hair with a pearl comb, given her by fair-f.aced and false hearted Robert WV. Hunt, division passenger agent of the Southern. Her biggest diamond ring is a present from Philip Gadsden, of the Consoli dated, Her golden cestus, which hides the line where her caudal ap pen dage begins', is a heart-offering from Will-ihm Banks, of the State, while the glittering tiara that erowns her golden locks, is an ever-shining evidence of the gratitude of P.resident E. H. Aull, of the South Carolina Press Association. Some of Her Messages. She disdains wireless inst ruments. Her long white arms aind her -long green tail are her wireless instru ments. The waves ripple out towards Charleston, and transmit the follow ing strong, but simp)le, inessage to Bob Hunt: ''Falser man than Don Ju:an!'' the waves ripple again in long silvery ripples, and say t.o Corn mnodore Philip Gadsden: What 7 Great Scott ! Have we got'? To standl it when the weather's hot? It wvould be bad enough to have it on ice, But in the summer time With Edgefield and Laurens lubbers! Well, it isn't nice; Live shrimps for bait! And threce-hookedl lines I And Capt Cosgrove Singing, ''Ahi, ehe la morte!' And dishevelled wvomen And children in t,he deadly throes!I And we hereby enter a loud objection, Unless it is served with disinfetiomn. B3y gosh ! We don't wvant to slosh Around in that pond, Hard by those Jetties, All the time. Oh Lord, a tin can!I Oh, H-eaven, draw the veillI Oh, mercy, the Mormaid 's tail!I Her undortoe nd her dimond ring - Extende4 :end this sale nd pleased ct more of the I )member the es with a few it and lower. And her caudal appendage's deadly fling!. Thcn (lie silvery waves ripple again, and rend the soul of Gulielmus anll by whispwriog: ''False one, I love thee still! '' Then they roll along to Tomaso Waring and say "How is that lovely baby that ought to have been mine?'' Then they break at the feet of the Rabbi Elzas, who makes you think of Kaspar and Balthazzar and Benl Hur, and say to him '' Ver ily thou shalt have thy reward." Then the Mermaid weeps aloud and rends her heart, not her tail, an( cries out: ' 'Oh, Neils Christensen, thou dear- Danish lad, why dids't thou ever cross my unhappy path?'' Then, again, she undulates her sil very appendage, and the wireless wave runs out to sea, and up Savannah River, and up Stevens Creek, and up Turkey Creek, and up Beaver Dani, which laveth 'l'the towered city of Camelot,'' sometimes called holy, im neaulat e Edgefield, aind 1)reaks upon he jewelled shore, andl those goodl men, Minis andl Calhoun, and 'Cheat ham and B3acon, just, made perfect and patient u,ader tribulation, catch thie .shining foam and kiss it-because it comes from blessed Isle of Palms -and Charleston-t hou ''Imperial Salem.'' DBMOORATIO OUTLOOK. Discussion In Washington--Sight Re ceipts of Cotton During Several Years Past. By James S. McCarthy. Washington, D. C., June 24.-Col onel James Hamilton Lewis, former ly a Denmoera tic Congressman f-rom the State of Washington, but now a resident of Chicago, w-ho is in WVashi ington on legal business said, ih dis cussing the Democratic outlook, ''I doubt not that if the Democratic coin vention 'were to be held right soon 'Colonel Bryan would be nominated for President. It is by no means cer tain, though, that some new man may1 noit be nominated. The convention is a .long way off. My mnotion is that the old Democratic Party -has got a glor-. ious chance of winning next year. A great deal depends on its nerve and its sagacity in adopting a strong, ringing platform, that will let the country know it means business. It ought to come out squarely and speci fically for principles aind pl)Oicies, and not indlullge in glittering generali ties. For instance, the tariff it should -not be content with a declaration for. 'revision, hut give out a positive de-, claration in favor of free raw mater- 1 ials. ''Another thing the Democracy should insist on--the .home rule prin eile, the rights~ of the States to mainage their domestic concerns. The present disposition to have all gov ernmenit emanate from Washiington and to ignore the States, is one of the most dangerous tendencies of the age. If persisted in, it will utterly de t roy our system of government and put. us on the same plane as the effete mon-J CIeai I for On for one weel istomer the P )iggest value! place. Don't little baits to U3 qI A archics (it the old world. The mission of the Democratie Party is -to bring the nation hack to the old moorings, amid to re-establish the doctrines of the fathers of the Ropublic.'' Sight receipts of cotton during April agueregated 579,397 bales, com pared wit.h 570,422 bales and 902,212 bales brought into sight during April 1906 and 1905, respectively. The total sight receipts of cotton since the be ginning of the season, September 1, were 1?,6O4,352 bales, over 2,600,000 balehAUit' excess of like receipts for the corresponding- period in 1906, and 3,100,000 in excess of corresponding figures for the 1905 season. The net overland -movement for the first eight'onths of the season, 1,088,692 bales, shows proportionate increases over like movements for 1.906 of 862,118 bales, and 1905 of 932,643 bales. American ,pinners' tak,ings, inindinu shi;pnnou-s to Canada, for the season were 4,212,139 bales, of which 2,304,802 bales. or 541.7 pier (eeni,I represenited thle share taken by Northern mills and 1,907,337 b)ales, or 45.3 per cent, that takeni by South ern mills, V,he tot,al for 1907 being 20.8 per cen-t higher than correspondl ing figures for the 1906 season, and about, three-fourtihs of a million in excess of the 1905 figures. Of the dotal available supply, about 59.9 per cent is shown to have been ex ported, while 32.7 per cent a.ppears to have been taken by American spin.. ner's. the respective p)ereent ages of 'i irt for I the 1906 andil 1 9(5 sea el oo 5:3.6 petr et and1( 59.3 1ffr fCeni. TF' [tta! .\merie,ii stocks p?e r'. P th,: mth wt Vre 996, ' b le. sIitl it ab ve t.he' colrres toninw fi!ynre-:i. f'or 1906l( of' 995.753 hab1i, but beloiw t h. co~respom ding figures for A pril 30. 1905, of 1,119, 477 hales, it ('.l. Graves miust have the name changired, why not "Oys)v'ter ray'' f *!nm''i. ne d-mhiI: w ill app)reeialeP lie 'ondel(scentsion (of Ouri Fa vor i 8ins i.n playing in th,eir' city this week'I. andI( will remembniler thait t hey e"lim heP L.ioos toi thle point ot hoin~ i: A R.ational Treatmenat, for Catarrh is one that soothes the inflamed and congested mnenbranes and heats and cleanises without "drugging" the affo ted parts, gives quick and permanent relief fren Catarrh Colds-eli affections ofth snembranes of the nose and thr'oat. We Guarantee Satisfaction, Buy a 50-cent tube of NOSIONA frw0E and get yournoney hack Ifnot satisfied. Eiample tubeand hook let by mnail 5oe. St. Lo~ e M Foe,$ a rance (RI e Week. k longer, as w ast 10 days, 3 ever shown be fooled by get you in. I A CHIN. Never rqualed in We have just opened E tifully decorated JAPANESE AND I ALSO IN Ladies, this is your CHINA cheaper than ev We have not attempte each piece separately, b COME AD Anderso ga mes upon occeasionI, .but theluy miiust not be over-generous. COFFINS-CASKETS, M rs. L. M. Counts, undertaker, Prosperity, S. C. Prompt attention given to or dlers at any hour. I ta w. 13t. Wu te will giea rstue class b)arb)ecue atteresidence of D. E. HTalfaere,j near St. Philips church, .July 18th. Music will he furnished by thie Jolly Street St ring Band. The public is cordially invited to attend aind enjoy a good 'cue. D). E. Halfacre. J. D. H. Kibler. NOTICE. All executors, administrators and other fiduciaries arc reqluired by lawI to make annual ret urns of estates re- t maining in their care or custody theo p)receding calendar year, at any time before the firt, (lay of July of each C year. It therefore becomes my duty to C urge the observance of the law, by t all parties who are thus interested. F. M. Schumpert, June 20th, 1907. J. P. N. C. CHARLESTON & WESTERN OAR~ OLINA RY. Schedule in effect June 9th, 1907. Lv. Newberry (C N & Li.) .12:46 p. m. A r. Liaurenls 1:52 p. m." hv. LaIIIuren (C. & W. C.) 2:15 p. m. ' A r'. (1reenviille 3:40 p. m. v hv. Lanurens 1:58 p. m. d A r. Spartanburg 3 :30 p. mn., Lv. Spartanb)urg (-So. Ry.) 3 :40 p. in. A r. IIendlersonville 6:25 p. m. A r. Asheville 7:30 p. m. 0 Lv. bnluurens (C. & W. C.) 2:00 p. mi. ni A r. ( reeni wood 2 :56 .p). m. A r. McConnieok 3 :55 p. mn. A r. Atugnisita 5:40 p. m, Pullman Chair Cars between Au gusta, Laurens and Ashlevil, tri weekly. Leave Angusta Tues. y, Sale e have been so that they in this town, the so-callee \ Dome where D. A SALE Newberry Before. oeveral cases of beau |ERMAN CHINA, WHITE. opportunity to BUY er before. d to describe and price ut ask you to 4D SEE. n10c.Co. A Box of Our Candy s a most enjoyable companion. Bither at home, the theatre, or vhile traveling. Deliciousness Lnd purity is in every box; and he beauty of it all is, it is mod :rately priced. When passing sur store, you can sample it at ur expense. We are selling his week fine Peaches, To natoes, Cantaloupes, DineappIes, etc 'hursday and Saturdays ;lcave Ashe iUe Mondays, Wednosdays and Fri ays. Note: The above arrivals and de artures, as well as connections with ther companies, are given as infor iation, and are not guaranteed. Ernest Williams, Cen. Pass. Agt., Augusta, Ga. Geo. T. Bryan, Greenville, S. C. Gen. Agt..