Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

... J* I ' # 4 . *' ' * j . *?." * . . ?? ' . ' S- icf;: ; - > VOL.-XLIX. CAMDEN, S. C., THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18, 1890. "NO. 25. ,- ' ~~ S V . . - ; - ? ?? - - - - _ . ._ r -.... ..? ? T?. ' DCTTPDiTinNi .... . AN OLlf SWEETHEAnT OF MINE, j .. -As one cons at . evening o'er an album nli - J alone, And muses on the faces of the friends that he has known. 6011 urn the leaves of fancy, till iu shadowy design I find the smiling features of an old sweet heart of erne. The lamp-light seemJ\to glimmer with a [ flicker of surprise, V As I turn it lew, to rest me of the dazzle in mjeyes, .. Aod ltyht my pipe iu silence, save a sigh ; that seems to yoke Its fate with my tobacco, <md to vanish with the smoke. Tis a fragrant retrospection, for the loving thoughts xtm start -. - ?-j Into being are like perfumes from the bios- I som of the heart; And to dream the old dreams over is a luxury divine? \\ hen my truant fancies wander with that | old sweetheart of mine. . Though I hear, beneath my study, like a j fluttering of wings. The voices of mv children and th9 mother | as she sings. 1 feel no t > inge of conscience to deny me any j theme When Care has cast her anchor in the harbor of a dream. In fact, to spnk in earnest, I believe it adls a charm To spice the good a trifle with a little dust of harm ? For I find an estra flavor in Memory's mellow wine , That makes me driuk the deeper to that old sweetheart of mine. A face of lily-beauty, with a form of airy grace. Floats out of my tobacco as the genii from the vaser And I thrill beneath the glances of a pair of azure eyes As glowing as the summer and as tender as the skies. I can see the pink sun bonnet and the little checkered dress She wore when firstT kissed her. and she answered the caress With the written declamation that, "as surely as the vine Grew round the stump,'' she loved me?that old sweetheart of mine! And again I feel the pressure of her slender '.little hand. As we used to talk together of the future we had planned; When 1 should be a poet, and with nothing else to do But write tender verses that she set the music to. When we should live together in a cozy little cot, Hid in a nest of roses, with a fairy gardenspot, Where the vines were ever fruited, and the weather ever fin j, And the birds wore ever singing for that old sweetheart of mine! And I should be her lover forever and a day. And she my faithful sweetheart till the t he golden hair was gray. And we should bo so happy that when cither's lips were dumb They would not smile in heaven till the other's ki--6 had come. But?eh! my dream is broken by a step upon 1he stair. And the door is softly opened, and my wifo is standing there! Yet with eagerness and rapture all my visions 1 resign To greet the living presenco of that old sweetheart of mine. ?James Whilcomb Riley. BESIEGED BY APES. We sailed out from the port of Borneo, in the island of that name, in a schooner of ninety tons burden, to visit the islands to the north in search of monkeys and parrots for the great animal dealer at Hambarg. The craft and crew were under charter for four months. The Captain was a Singapore half-breed, and his three sailors and a cook were Borneo born. I had my man Thomas with me, ' ftad the only cargo we carried consisted of cagjs and articles for traffic. We had been knocking about for several weeks, landing ou various islands in the Borneo Sea to make captives, and were at anchor beside a small island called Kui, when a trader from the Min- J daDao peninsula came along and gave us some interesting news. His craft carried k only three men, but had run short of water and been obliged to put in at an island thirty miles to the cast for water. The island was about three miles square and thickly wooded, and entirely without settlement. While at anchor in a sheltered bav. and iust as thev had hoisted in their cask of water, they were set upon by several hundred apes of large size and terribly frightened. The craft was only twice her length from shore, and the apes bombarded her with clubs and stones. A score of these missiles had been preserved as proofs. The trader gave us warning to look out for ourselves if we went that way, and we made hiin 11 present of tobacco and at once iet sail. The apes he described were just the species I was looking for, being what is called in the East "gorillas' children." They are found only in Sumatra and Borneo and on a few of the islands in the Borneo Sea. It is an established fact that every seven years these apes are subject to an epidemic which sweeps them off in large numbers, and for this reason they have been scarce for many years past. In the year 186-1 a L trader who lauded on the island of | Krieui, about 200 miles from Manilla, A discovered over 500 dead apes along the H beach. B "We -cached the bay the trader had told us of c.bout 9 o'clock next morning. The 6hore pitched off 'into deep water, and we anchored with just room enough for her to swing to the tides. This brought E||[ the stem of the craft within forty feet of the trees when the tide came in. but of course we had to use the yawl to go Sni^Ltshore. We neither saw nor heard any thing except the gaudy colored parrots living about, and af;er wo had been at anchor about an hour I took my man and went ashore. The island was a perfect tangle. The trees grew almost us thick us they could stand, and the ground was covered with creepers and rank vegetation. We were a quarter of a mile from the beach before the ground cleared, aud then wc failed to get sight of an ape. As it was a very hot afternoon, the chances were that they were asleep in the thick of the forest. We brought along with us some pieces of cloth of various colors, and these we now hung on the limbs and bushes and scattered along oa the ground to "bait"' the apes to the landing. We had made our way quietly as possible, as I fully^belieyed in what the 4rffdeirMcrtbld~lue. WEen we reached the landing I got my monkey traps from the schooner. These are steel traps with padded jaws. We set six of them opposite the craft, and the ocly bait we used was a red rag tied to the catch. Going on board we had dinner, and then I brought out a heavv rifle and fired three shots into the woods. That was to wake up the apes, and it wasn't ten minutes before we heard from them. Shrieks and cries and calls resounded through the forest, and then the apes fairly swarmed down to the shore. The colored cloths angered and excited "them to the highest pitch, and their coming was like ! that of an enraged mob of human beings. The advance guard had scarcely appeared before they rushed upon the traps in great fury, and to theic<own great sorrow. Every trap received a victim, and every victim screamed and shrieked and jumped about in the mos; exciting manner. ,- ? . The number of apes dumbfounded me. I honestly believe there; were 5000 of them, great and small, and the noise they made was deafening. Their first move was to help the victims in the traps. They attempted to pull them out by main force, and w'neu this failed they got stones and clubs and tried to break the traps. They had neither the strength nor the ingenuity, and when they realized this they turned to secure revenge on us. We had been expecting the' move and wjre ready for it, or thought we were. We had four guns on the rail, had covered the cabin skylight with boards, and the decks were clear for' action. The tide was yet running in, and althoush we could almost look into the flashing eyes of the apes, we knew they dreaded water aud would hesitate to swim out to us. I don't know whose fault it was that the yawl's painter, which was made fast to the starboard rail amidships, was not securely fastened. No one had given it any thought uutil we suddenly saw the yawl drive to the mango bushes stern first. There was no surf in that little bay, and the tide would have held her there if the apes had taken no action. The boat was no sooner within leaping distance than fifty of the animals sprang into it, and as it reached the bushes it was held there. The screams and yells of the apes for the next five minutes prevented speech. Then, at a given signal, all but one leaped out of tha boat. At a second signal all those in sight on shore disappeared, leaving only the victims of the traps. These ha d ceased their complaints and become quiet, and now a great stillness fell upon the island. I asked the Captain what new move he thought the beasts iutended to make, and he replied: ' -L-ll 1 **1 I HI OK. We SliUU iilive gicat nunuic with them. If there was breeze enough to stem this tide I should be in favor of getting out as soon as possible. They will board us in the yawl as soon as the tide turns." I pointed to the fact that there was only one ape in the boat, and that I could put a buliet through his head where ho sat. If oue of tne men would slip over the rail he could swim to the boat and secure it. This was looked upon as a good idea. Oae of the Borneo men got quietly into the water and swam for the boat, and when he was close upon it I tired and killed the ape ia charge. His dying yell was answered from a thousand throats, and iu ten seconds the boat was filled with apes. The sailor had to return empty handed. It was no use to fire upon the beasts, as their numbers were so great, and we therefore renewed our preparations for defence. The crew proper told us iu so many words that they would not lift a hand except to defend themselves, as they considered it a crime to kill au ape. If the schooner was boarded, then they would be justified in fightiDg. After a few minutes all the apes but one again left the boat. The body of the one I had killed was carried ashore. The tide would not turn until 5 o'clock, and we had nothing to do but wait aud wvttMi I made a shell out of a tin can filled with powder and bullets, and the fuse to this was to be lighted by Thomas when he could heave it into the boat. We had three loaded guns and a revolver apiece, aud I believe the two of us alone could prevent boarding. The schooner swuug bows to the shore as soon as the tide turner!, and was now further away by her own length. We did not hear a sound from the beasts after tiicy retired. There were scores of them watching us from the bushes, no doubt, but they did not show themselves. When the tide begau to draw the yawl oil shore the ape [ left in charge took a tuin with his tail around a bush and thus held it. At sundown there wa-? a little-breeze, and we could have left, but I wanted the I .u? .-1 t!i,i ftiiifoiri wanted j apjs 111 UlC It aw- umi W..V, v.v. I his yawl. As it grew dark all the crew I went below, saying it was none of their tight, and one of tiro P.jrneo sailors deI clared with great vigor and ranch grief that he had recognized an uncle in the ape I had killel. Another had seen his brother, and the cook fairly cried at the thought that his favorite son, who had been dead about live years, migiat have turned into an ape and be waiting to de^ stroy his aifoc.ionatc father. Tuorniand I remained on deck to watch, an ! at eight o'clock we heard and saw euoug'. to prove that the apes weie moving it ' concert a s i in a iargj body. I tried 1 Jgettne ere?v up, but tuey io;u3cd u I come. I had a double-barrelled shotgun; Anil Thomas Was to throw the shell if they cmie near enough. The shore was in sncli^darkness that we couldn't see what cur enemies were up to until the boat was suddenly seen floating along our port bow. I fired into the black mass, and Thomas lighted the fuse and heaved the shell, but in his excitement he missed the boat. From the splashiijg in the water I knew that large numbers of the apes swan off. I had scarcely fired when three or four appeared on the bows, and the next moment they boarded from every quarter. Their screaming and chattering were terrific, nnd we no sooner saw the first half dozen aboard than wc made a rush for the cabin. From that rao nent we were besieged and by an enemy such as never captured.? failing craft before. The crew were willing^tn^o^tojighk now, realizing the danger.- We were al? together in the little cabin and all armed, but the question was what to do. The apes raced up and down the decks,pulled at every rope and the number of them must have been a full thousand. Their racing aoout maue me nine scuouucr i tremble clear to her keel, and now nud I then their weight lurched her from side J to side. The scuttle to the fo'castle was I secured, the hatches al.. fast, and the | boards over the cabin skylight had been I nailed. "We heard them pulling and | hauling, however, and every moment was an anxious one. They wrenched the water butt loose and rolled it around on deck,and six cages of parrots were broken up in no time and the birds killed. It was a full hour before the apes quieted down, and from thence to daylight we caught a few winks of sleep as we watched and waited. "When day broke and we could see through the cubin side lights, the scene on deck was one of desolation. Every running rope had been* pulled down, great holes had been gnawed in the sails, and whatever they could break up was broken. They were 6till at .it. Some of them were even gnawing at the deck planks. It was clear that if left uninterrupted they would ruin the schooner above board, so we raised a great shout to drawitoir attention. It succeeded to a charm. It wasn't five minutes before they had wrenched the boards off the skylight. The-sash was a heavy one and the panes small, and even when they crowded upon the. sash to the number of fifty it bore their weight. Holding ray revolver rclosc to one of the panes, I fired three shots, and thus cleared them off. From the great chattering nbove we knew that three of the gang had been killed or badly hurt. Thevtried it again in about five minutes, an<Jnbw we used both re volvers and peppered four or nve more.;' Frosu that on they kept clear of the skylight, but we knew they were watching the doors. On each side of the companionway was a pane of glass over an opening four inches wide by twelve wide. I smashed out one and Thomas the other, and we began shooting. The crowd made at us seeming to be perfectly reckless, and several were shot as they tugged at the barrels of our rifles. In half an hour wo had the decks covered with dead and dying, and the beasts began to show signs of being demoralized. An old gray head, who had been concealed behind the foremast, finally peered out and I put a bullet into his head. He fell over with a scream, and with that every ape that c id move sprang overboard and made for the shore. We waited awhile before leaving our quarters, but reached the deck to find they had departed for good. There were forty-two dead apes on the schooner, and we finished six who were badly wounded. Our boat had grounded on a smaller island half a mile i away, and after we had recovered it wo j got the chaps who had been in the traps ' so long. They exhibited the greatest ferocity, but were handled the worse for it, ana we finally got them safe aboard. Theu we turned to on the schooner, and 5 -A A 1- - - ? -f.%11 rlrtwo ernf linr j HUH It tUUrv US 1>W lull uajo i/u ..... I in sailing shape. From the hour the beasts left the craft wo clia not. catch sight of a single one again during outslay.?New York Sun. A Fine Piece of Writing. It is a favorite amusement of expert penmen to write a great number of words on a postal-curd or a small piece of paper, and some wonderful feats are reccordcd in this line. Other penmen have exhibited their skill by making curious designs in ink, and one of the most curious is now shown in New York. It was the work of a one-eyed man named David Davidson, who died twenty years ago. On a piece of parchment-like paper, five feet wide and six feet five inches high, are written all the books of the Old Testament, forming the design of a window in King Solomon's temple. No lines are used. Written words form the whole design. The writing is very minute,but legible to the naked eye. Iuk of three colors was used, but piincipallv black ink. It is a very intricate piece of work, marvellous in its way, and must have taken considerable time and patience. Each chapter and verse is numbered. The writing is not running script, but each letter is separate; nor are the letters much, if any larger than a thirty-second of an inch high.?jSfcio York Dispatch. Laziest Man 011 Record. William Holmes, of Charlotte, Vt., | says: "There died at Charlotte, not long sines, an old man, who Avas, I think, the laziest man on record. His name avus Nicholas Wing, aud he lived Avith his a-.'ife and old maid daughter on the edge of Lake Champlain. The whole year round Nicholas did not a stroke of work. His Avife aud daughter plowed, sowed and harvested the crops, and, in fact, did everything that Avas to be done on the iann. Wing Avas known i j far and wide for his trousers. On the I outside of each leg a row of four dozen : | buttons Avas sewed, in order that Mrs. ! Wing could put thorn on for him. You i see, all the exertion he was put to Avas ; ae stretching out of his limbs. He lived i be over ninety years of age.?(Jhis FREAK FRAUDS. HOW CURIOSITIES A TIE MADE FOK DIME MUSEUMS. ? Soa Serpents, Alligator Boyp, Freaks, Mummied or Fresh. Produced at Prices Within the Roach of Any Showman. Museums in former days were few and r.s a rule were confined to Chatham street. Performers and freaks who now get 835 for a week's work were glad to get 81 a day, anu a sharp proprietor could sometimes secure them for a lower figure than that. Withiheadvent of the "L" road, the surface travel became so small comparatively, that the dime museum busi.jws on C-bBthftffi-street aud the lower Bowery bccamo unprofitable. The old style of showmen that used to organize museums i n stores wmcn -\rere Temporarily vacated looked about them for some better means of livlihood. As one of them put^ it, ."The days when you could rent n| vacant store at ten o'clock in the mortiing and have a museum ready for visitors at twelve arc past." The advent of more imposing THE ALLKjATOB BOT. museums further up town necessitated more and newer attractions. The living curiosities began to multiply because the country was scoured for tbem, and ten pting salaries impelled tho monstrosities who were formerly anxious to hide their deformities in the seclusion of their liomeSito put themselves on exhibition before ihousauds'of sightseers. The old lime museum man, who used to take a Chatham street store and put. in five attractions at u gross cost or nvc dollars n day, now turned his attention to making inanimate freaks to be exhibited as mummified or dried specimens of the human race. This mfaii and others made a large collection of dried mummies, sea scrpeuts andjnonstrosities of all conceivable kinds for a man named Bernstein, and he carried them over to the other side of the ocean aud exhibited them in Germany, England, Irelauct and Spain, and finally returned with'them to this country, with a net profit, it is claimed, of $30,000 for a year's work among the larger foreign cities. A recent visit to the freak maker's little shop on the east side of town has enabled the writer to explain the manufacture of this kind of exhibition goods. In a small third story front room a portly man was found at work on a two hiaded mummy, which was to be exhibited as having been found in the Pyramids of Egypt. The furniture of the room suggested extreme poverty, although the stout man is able to make $10 a week at his queer trade. He lives all alone, and it is fair to presume that he is saving his money against the time when he can open a new museum of the uew style for his own profit. The real appearance of one of this man's freaks, even when it is in an unfinished state, explains why so many people are I willing to accept them at the voluble museum lecturer's valuation, and when you see the worl~J~*rectly under the mechanic's hand, tht ccellent modelling of the face gives the object an uncanny look. Unlike the wax figures these thiDgs are not modelled from life, nor does the maker ever employ an artist to assist in perfecting the anatomical intricacies of his subject. He is not an artist himself, in feeliug or training, but simply a workman, who, from constant practice, has been enabled to make a figure of nearly correct proportions with tnc crudest kinds of tools. Pasteboard and paper are his chief stock in trade. With an outer wall of soft cardboard and numerous layers of paper back of it the head form when well soaked in water can be pressed into a perfect semblance of the human face. < t ? - ? x _ ? THE SEA SERPENT IN SECTIONS. Little bits of card or paper may have to be added to accentuate the features, but when the work it ready for the pasty varnish which is to cover the first shap| ing and effectually adhese all its parts, ( these added pieces look as though they I weie a part of the rougher first model. On a stove near by are the gaunt rep I reservations ot arms ancl legs, ine nngera ami toes mc.de of bits of card lapped ove r one another until the desired length is reached. The joinings show very plainly at this stage of the work, but when the coat of varnish covers them later, and the edges of ihe cardboard are pressed down flat, it requires a very close inspection to determine where the figures arc pieced. The anatomy of these limbs, when you Jake into cousidcration the patchwork quality of the operation, is rather wonj derful. When the curious-looking lot of objects arc put together and the whole thing varnished brown, the rei i 1 Fpectable-ldoking mummy seems to bo ready for its purchaser, but it really is not, for in the estimationn of the honest workman nature has not been fully reproduced. He considers that the head and hands of human beings, on account of their constant exposure to the atmosphere, have a harder cuticle than the covered portions of the body. Although it seems unnecessary that he should carry out this idea iu his mechanical freaks, his next operation accomplishes just that purpose. A covering for all the body but the head and hands is made of soft, thiu chamois leather. This is nut on with thick paste, in pieces which will accommodate themselves to the various curves of the work. When the chamois fkin is well dried on, and the whole structure is carefully varnished, the body parts are not only soft looking, but give "rometfeing si tfaetfTaen-dHbscell. Hangihg On the side wnlloTHbe storki hop is a carefully executed painting Jerusalem, which at one time tfas part of a pauorama. The freak maker said that this painting, which is about three feet high and seven feet long, cost $200 in the old country. To explain the cost of this work in his own words: uPano-' niraas in the old country arc very carefully made. You will notice in this piece how carefully everything is made ?hofc the stones in the wall and the little ornaments on the temples arc drawn r.o fine ana clear, mat is Decause in tne old country the panorama make3 plenty of money; and it must be fine, for the people go in great crowds and look very carefully at pictures of .the Holy Land and the Pope's palace, and fine cliurches, and all such things. They look very close at the picture, and examine it all over and talk about every little thing in it for perhaps half an hour for each one. In this country people go up to a picture and say, "Och, a picture. Wc don't want to see that. Come." So you see on the other side the painter must be very careful and have everything good or the people will say that it is a bad work and complain to the showman." During the telling of the story of panoramic excellence in the old country the visitor has bad time to observe the various freaks in all sorts of repair hung about the room: An awful-looking object which represents an alligator boy was placed in one corner of the room, all ready for the man who ordered it. This monstrosity is one of many of this pat-, tern which have been turned out by the freak man. They are all made the same size, four and a half feet long, and cost only $30 each, so that an alligator boy may be said to be within the reach of any dime museum. A repulsive looking black body with the head turned sideways is attached to what 6eems to be the back half an alligator. Real wool covers the head and real teeth arc introduced in; the mouth opening. The boy is represented as grinning in the conventional negro style. THE INDIAN MUMMY. To complete the outfit the maker furnishes the lecture to go with the freak. This insures the same story being told in nil parts of the country. The lecture is. a very pretty story, and we reproduce the opening of it: uIn 1883 a party of alligator hunters came from England to Florida to secure some alligators. After successful hunting, returning to Jacksonville, they saw this monstrosity lying in ? cwnmn shout six miles from the ~ ~ ~r ? city. At lirst they thought it was a negro, but by going nearer to it they soon realized that it was half boy and half alligator," etc. One of the best of the freak maker's works is a double-bodied baby made to represent nature. Is is not generally made as if mummified, but instead is invested with the delicate tints of life. The first one of these attracted a great deal of attention, and it was represented as the embalmed body of a real infant. There has been a great demand for this freak, and there are now a number of them in existence. Every lady who wishes may have one for $40, in facsimile of life or mummified. Of course the fabled sea serpent, so often seen but never caught on our coast, has furnished the text for a museum freak. The 4'Africanus horidus" is the name for this monstrosity. He is made somewhat after the manner described above, though his numerous protuberances aloug the spine have to be made ol chunks of wood. TV hen his chamois covering is on these lumps look very natural behind a glass case. A good pair of bright glass eyes and some tusk like teeth help to convince peoplo that when alive?and to quote the lecturer again? "shall have been captured by a party of fishermen near the coast of Maine and .?A fnr ovliihitinn to tho TCU 1U OfStWv*; *wt intelligent audiences," etc.?he was a very formidable creature. Sea serpents arc $50 each and fifteen feet long in New York. The Maine fishermen cannot furnish them at this low price. It is not hnrd to convince people that mummified Indians have been dug up in Dakota. The variety that are made in this city are dug up by cowboys when the lecturer gets them in hand. The Indian freak comes in two sizes?"grown up and children," to quote again?and the child been the cheapest,it is generally supposed that mummification is more common among the young dead Indians than their elders. At present the market is calling for something new. "Mermaids," "demon children," and the "elephant fish" about close the list of artificial freaks of the pasteboard variety^-v!fhO maker guarantees to furnish any kno^aor unknown ttnimal if its description, sketekor photograph is ftirnished, but just nipcgscnt THE FREAK MAKER AT * there are no newjd^ forthcoming and tkojlophtatTon of the stock ideas goes j-Hferrily on. Tnc lreaK man is awaiting iuc umo when some "Cardiff giant" hoax will enable him to get a brand new subject for dissemination among the hundieds of dime museums between New York and the Pacific slope, and ho fondly hopes tq be able to employ a corps of assistants to help him fill his orders. As it is, while he is never able to carry a stock of made up goods, his orders do not warrant tho giving away to other men of bis trade secrets. Some of them appear here, it is true, but not all, for there are niceties in the work that no amount of description could give, and the trick of making a little work produce a great effect is one of his most vaunted accomplishments. It is this trhk that leads him to advertise himself as the "greatest imitator of natural subjects of the world," and he deserves the title, so the museum men say.?New York Herald. A Rock Pull of Electricity. L. A. Dixon, ofSodus, N. Y., has just discovered a wonderful ore called "electric rock," which contains a hidden force that puzzles and astonishes all who see it, expert electricians in particular. The rock is of a dark slate color and ia Eomewhat lighter in weight than sandstone. It is composed of iron, aluminium calcium and other minerals, aud particles of gold are fouud sometimes. Mr. Dixon says it will generate unlimited power and gives any desired amount of incandescent light. For illuminating business places and residences it would be considerably cheaper than kerosene. In fact, after the building bad bceu wired " " " * A* * 1J find the batteries prepared me conwomu be merely nominal, and the light, would be equal if not superior to that produced by manufactured electricity. Iu Mr. IJixon's office a nine-pound piece of rock has been ringing a bell since last November. A piece weighing half a pound was placed in a pint tumbler and wires attached to the bell, which caused it to ring as loud as an alarm clock. The test was made in the presen.e of several gentlemen, who pronounced it a wonderful discovery.?San Francitn ChronicU. ? One Hundred anil Fifty Years Old. Here is a pine tree 150 years old. The -1 ~ ? T- ?' "? ? fnrrr mftnthf sketch was maae m ./uptm a n,? ago for a London paper. Dwarf tree; are regarded with the utmost favor bj the Japanese of the old regime. A Ratskin Vest. An industrious young Chicago Englishman is not to be outdone by the ladies in the present fur craze. Being employed by a Qrm at the stock yards, where rodents are gigantic and plentiful, this young man engaged in the capture of the pests, and after securing some choice speciments ho had the skins tanned and dexterously pieced together, after which they were converted into a vest. A beautiful vest it is, too, and the wearer j being English its perfect propriety is never questioned. "I say, Dobbins, old fel, where did you get the vest?" asked one of his j cronies the other night. I "Aw, from 'orae, ye know; latest thing in waistcoats in London, me boy."?Chicago Times. A Mountain Retreat. ^ ?^e' A Monkey Nurse. A pet monkey, in Atlanta, was care fully trained to watch a baby and rock its cradle when it cried. He was con sidered a very trustworthy and usefu brute, but one day, being left alone witl: the iDfant, and finding himself unable tc stop its crying,he jumped into the cradle, scratched the child's face, bit its can and nose, tore off its clothes, and wher discovered was stuffing the bits of cloth into its mouth. He is no longer env 1 ployed as a nurse. To speck my heart to thee there 1*8110 word | That I can think of but '.'I love the^l dear!" ^And that thou knoweet, like a song oft Eeing^S^well known, there's no jaeed to And yet Icalk^ut say, "I love thee!" dN-s. Ab, 'tis the heart's own milSiCtSongs that oft On lips we love have trembled low and clear; J So unto tb?91 will but whisper soft s I "What thoU dost-know so well, "I love V thee, dear!" V;- I And o'er and o'er again, "I love theeP J ? Charles W. Coleman, in Cosmopolitan. ^ - 'FlfHANl) POmT The woods are full of them?Trees.? j' Life. Figures do not lie, but Iiar3 sometimes 7W/?. 7V,?, li"UIC. ?X/WWW ^?VWP. One of the greatest ills of earth?Chicago, Ills.?Munsey's Weekly. Sent up for life?The consumptive who is advised to go to the mountains.? ruck. ' ' Did the doctor bleed you?" "Yes, when he sent in-"his bill."-^-iVete York Journal. No man is as good at home as his picture looks in a neighbor's album.?Alehin--' ton Olobe. ? No complaint is made about short"' measure when we have a peck of trouble.. * ?Pittsburgh Despatch. ? . ?. . "Why doyou call your dog Flannel?'* "Because he shrinks so when ho goes in- - > to the vator.''? Epoch. . ~t. A preacher receutly- advised his. con-> gregation to be saved in the nick of time... from the Nick of eternitv.?Jester. ' ...' i Bashful Lover?"Can you tie a true.;lovers' knot, Miss Fanny?" She?"No;, but the clergyman around the corner can." ' In this little casket I have preserved . all these years the dearest remembrance of my honeymoon, it is the hotel bill."' ?liegende Blaetler. When a man's wife tells him to bring * home some new stove pipe, he may rest assured that there is a put up job on him. ?Munsey's Weekly: , Possible Buyer?"Is he full blooded f*''' Gullick (the dog broker)?"Yes'ni; ' " trint- 'ithntii-. nrittin' red ' uan i iuu ihcuij iw> e--? _T_ in the face.Scribner. ' ' Bibbs?"I wonder Why my tailor ' failed?" Fibbs?"Pure politeness. Hia customers wouldn't come down, so ha went up."?Texas Siftings. If man's anatomy were so arranged that lie could kick himself, it is not believed that he would ever do it hard enough to hurt him severely.? Washington Star. Did lovers tell truths as they know 'em, Their luck would be very much worse. I called her 'a beautiful poem," Well knowing she wasn't averse. . ?Bazar. Bertie?"I hate that fellow Dadda, the tailor, I'd like to murder him!" Charlie?"Why don't you pay hia bill! He would probably die of surprise."? Light. "Talk I" exclaimed Ponsonbv, "she can't say a word. Why. I talked to her half an hour last night and she never opened her mouth?except to yawn!"? BrnnVlvn Lift. Mrs. Quipper?"So you cull this a flat-, do you? Why, there isn't room to swing a cat." Landlord?"But there are no cats or children allowed here, ma'am."?Town Topics. Of many a self-male mm we know / There* can be little doubt In some respects he'd be improved Had he given the contract out. ?Philadelphia Times. "John, I wish you didn't have to take so many different kinds of medicine I" "Why, wife?'' " 'Cause, then I wouldn't have to put up all my catsup in different kinds of bottles."?Light. , "That fellow, Bonsalini. the portrait r painter, is a brute." "What has he clone?" "I wanted him to make a portrait of me, and he said he wasn't an animal painter."?New York Sun. "My son, said the dying bunco man, i I guess you cqn't do better than to follow the motto of your poor old dad, 'Whomt soever you fiud to do, do him with all i your might.' "?Terra Haute Express, j' 1 "And what is love?" he drolly asked i A mail whose wit could not be matched, \ "It is an itching of the heart," She softly said, 'that can't be scratched." ?Trinity Tablet. ' 'Marie, I have come to-night to ask you for your hand?I?" "You ask for ! a great deal, Mr. Smither3." "On the j contrary, it is such a very little one that I ?"It is yours, George, dear."?New | York Sun. i Freddy wants to know why a lover is i , so often called a "spoon." Authorities arc divided: some think it is because it seems to be the principal object of his existence to hold something, and others contend that it is because he is so often near the lips. One good reason would seem to be the hard fortune which so often puts him in the soup.?Life. Telephones for Chnrcli Use. The Rev. Canou Wilcox, of Christ t Church, Birmingham, has consented to allow the telephone to be introduced into his church. The transmitters will be so regulated that sound will be gathered in without requiring the voice to be directed in close contiguity upon the plate of the i transmitter. This will not be the first ' ! occasion upon which the telephone has * t.i .. A A been set in a place 01 worsmp. ^u, Bradford (Yorkshire) it is in use at an Established, a Unitarian and a Wesleyaa Church. It has also been introduced at the Parish Church of Chesterfield, and at : all these places subscribers have more or less extensively availed themselves of its ' use, and it has been found possible for 1 forty or fifty persons to hear a sermon 1 .simultaneously. In Greenock it is used in the Congregational chapel.?London > Tit-Bits. i i Nearly 63,750,000 a year is paid by the British Government for the carriage ! of mails.