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* ' . . ' - - . VOL. XXXIII. CAMDEN. S. C-, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 4. 1873. IVO. 1. ' < * Til CABIN JOPRKAL. AN INDEPENDENT FAMILY PAPER PUBLISHED BY JOHN KERSHAW. SUBSCRIPTION RATES Oat year, in advance $2 60 ?r Biz month* 1 50 Thret months.... 75 Htf* Transient Advertisements mast be paid iaaofaaoa. ? ow?? iWhw to ftoaarism as its Ratage. [From the Shrevepovt Times ] The New York Herald has recently pointed oat, in t series of very able articles, the tendency of this government to Caesarian), and sought by the most earnest appeals to aroaae the people to a sense of the danger that threatens the Republic. The sagacity of the Herald has hot been at fault; it has clearly divined the inevitable issue of the prevailing political and economic theories? the centralisation of the States and the uswpation of all the powers of government by the Federal Administration?Imperialism in the forms of the republic?Caesar ism. Bat can the Herald hope to check the fall of rtpahtioanism by its appeals to the people in behalf of the constitution ;*by ponding the old rallying ories of liberty; by sioqaent discourses on the right of Belf i government, and seething denunciations of awupni and tyrants? There may be some 1 of the old love of liberty, there may be a great deal of it, left in the heart of the Northern people; bat tbey have placed in the hand* of General Grant a power more potent for the deetraotion of oivil liberty ! than their lave is for its preservatipn. In a spirit of matignint hate, they hare given ever to gpettmnn by rings and unprincipled < pnMthnaas, and to the mercy of a multitude 1 of ignorant and hrutal negroes eleven of the ' States which were the very citadels of re- ' pabKnsnima, aad where the spirit of civil 1 Km) its unrest sanctuaries: i tot tk p?eimtinn of these States they hare permitted Coogram and the Administration to dhwfsid the gumanteaa of the constitution, until the soasritation has ceased to commend the rererenoe of any portion of ' the oouniry; they hare permitted every, principle or jotioe, magnanimity and honor to be ioisted by the Government in leneohing its lern end vindictive wrath at these States, until jastioe, magnanimity and honor, m public virtues, hare fallen into utter contempt; prompted by cupidity end eestioeel vanity, they watched apmovingly' the appropriation of the public domain and the expenditure of the public reranim in the creation of gigantic rings and monopolise which are grown stronger than.they are themselves, and which they inwiwlM to ormrov. 9ueh it tkt rtiU of sfftirs the radical or ? republican perty bat brought about, tod out t of whieh it tgmag; with unmistakable die- <3 tinetoess Cawariam. t Jfor will the grim reality down at the 1> bidding of the Herald ot theeeoaaas of the *< northern people, and the country may soon ? be startled by the development io the " South, which his been hated, brdgered, " robbed, persecuted and trampled in the b dost, of a wide spread and powerful oreaniza- a tion of white people, to sustain Gen. Grant's y pretentions to a lift time presidency, or, if ?' he desiree it, to a sceptre ama, imperial crown, f We hold tliat among all the races of men i1 there hasgxisted none in whose hearts burn- u ed a higher, haughtier and truer love of " liberty, than that, which once animated the t Cople of the South; and cenxuered, they c ve for years, under persecution, robbery v rod contumely, been true to their ideas of ' freedom, sacrificing with a chivalrous devo- 1 tion their all in the support of these lofty i sentiments. But the last .hope of restoring i the parity of the republic, or of obtaining b juatioe under the government the radical i party has eat oyer them, is rapidly vanishing, and they are fast making up their 1 minds, thai their only hope of relief; that 1 only refuge, is iu Imperialism. Thoy re- <3 member that Gen. Grant was formerly a t democrat yf liberal views; that he never be- > iieved in the policy of enfranchising the t freedmea; KM M display eu a iom nigauiaitT in ?sapling the surrender of Qea. Lie; that, eent on a tour throughout d the Sooth by Piemdent Johnson, he gave a troufthfbl and.kindly report. They consider in thie connection, that the epoetin of hate die scoundrels who 'have plundered these States and written them with rain, have all been radical politicians and republican miseries: that republican party has regarded the nsg 10 rote as its backbone of J strength, and by the mow unjust end unmerciful system of tactics, organized it as unit against the whiles end the true interests of the Sooth: remember all these things end many mors of the seme nature, and they naturally oooelude thai their best hope is in emnnoipeting Gen. Grant from the tharldom ef his part by Discing him above it,-as well as above the south- in short making him Dictator, Perpetual President, Caesar, or, if he desire it Imperor. The people of the section are beginning to feel that if Gen. Grant were independent, he would be just, ok at least, rsmooad above all factions and parties, and equally independent of sections end all States, ell would alike feel the i - - - - * A -11 ?l!l weight or the government auu an auae i < enjoy h$ protection and parlicipate in ita 11 blemings. Finally they feel that any change | will bo for tho boot, and that any species of i government i? preferable to the infamous mongrel despotism, which recognizes intelli- 1 genee and virtue aa political disabilities, and i rewards with the highest offices of the States, rascality, ignorance and brutality; whiob drives emigrants from their borders, capital from their eitiee, and smites as with a curse i thsir wide and and once productive fields They are ceasing to hope for a restoration of the republic, and between carpet-ba^ge 17 and Caeearism, they will take tbe latter ; between Kellogg, Moses and thels compeer* end Grant they will take Grant if he will abandon radicalism for Imperialism. Speaking from this stand point, we believe we ean say-in behalf of a vast majority of the white people of the South, that if Gen. Grant will cut loose from the carpetbaggers, end the villainous radical xaou.^ strosity here, he will find a mightj organ" iiation ready to ally itself with hiin, and the army and navy and the grpat railroad and other corporations, to sweep away the miserable wrecks of what was once a noblo republic, and rear upon the ruins a splendcd imperialism, under the vigorous administration of which, the material resources of the conntry will be developed; life and property protected; taxation equalized, and under whose just laws Couisiana and South Carolina will as fully protected in the blessings of the government, as Massachusetts and New York. It is scarcely necessary for us to say, in conclusion, that for ourselves, we would only be willing to accept so dread an alternative as a last extremity short of continued Radical mle; but we venture to warn those of of the Northern people who fear Imperialism that the South has been bo crushed, so harried and plundered, that many of her people would turn even to Qrant if only thereby they could escape the ills that oppress them. SINGLE BLESSEDNESS. REPORT OF A MAN WHO KEPT HOUSE WHILE HIS WIFE WAS OFF FOE THE SUMMER. My wife has gone away for the summer and left me in roll charge of the house. I like it: haven't had such a run of liberty lino* we were married. I hope she's having t good time, for I can now exercise my rights u the head of the family. Can't do it when ihe's at home; she'll not stand it. She has rules, and makes everybody about her toe the mark. But I've got her now, and am luring things my own way. This morning [ came home qnite early. It was 2, a. m. t'd been to to the club and got caught in the rain. For half an hour I couldn't find the cey hole, which must have got mislaid. I elt for it everywhere, and even got down ino the yard and examined every brick, but louldu'tfind it. I was in the act of calling me of my neighbors and asking him who rho had carried off my fVont door, when I uppened to find it and got into the louse. * In the dark I kicked over a spittoon, but nckily didn't get any of the tobacco juice m my boots. I hung my overcoat and umirella on the prong Of the chandelier, let hem drip on the parlor carpet, went up tain and turned in with my boots on. I honght it wasn't worth while to pull them iff, as I would have to get up in eight or en hours anyhow. If mv wife had been at ipmo she'd have had me looking an hour for be boot joek, and I would have lost that mount of rest which my system so much teeded. Besides, she'd have made me give full account of myself, which I don't like o do. I never did believe in praising my If If* hotter to let others sneak of one's ***** ** " " * " " " " 1 irtues. I can now wear a shirt a week and to nobody's business. I don't see how I ver did get along with that woman. The dea of having to put on a clean shirt, black ay boots, and brush up my clothes every noising, is simply ridiculous. It is a miracle o mo how I ever did it and attend to my , ther affairs. I now read the morning paper rithout being forced to see an impatient roman standing with her dress in one hand, ooking vey miserable, and telling me she s going down town and wants that paper, iny one, to look at the house now, would ;now there's no women about, everything s so quiet and comfortable and handy. If I want to da a little figuring I don't tave to hunt up a pencil, or pen and ink, >ut I just sit down to one of the tables and lo it with my finger, and there's nobody to * eternally wielding a dusting brush around ,nd around my htfad and telling ine to get out of he way until the house is cleaned. These re considerations that every married man hould ponder over. But when we do ponler and resolve, what good docs it. do? "hat's the question that is now agitating the be American people. What good does it lo ? Not \ bit. If these womcn'can't have verything just their own way, they swoon ff into hysterics. As a consequence, we >ave to pay a fifty dollar doctor's bill, and tay in the house all day, fanning them, and promising in the end that "we may be happy et," before they show any disposition to ompromise. Onr wives are petted too mnch. kna this reminds me that mino won't yield o any other treatment. I undertook to preeribe a more stringent remedy for her one lay, but it threw her into a fit more like jiinams than anything I knew of. She broke ivery plate in the house over uiy head, and hen I hod to kiss her before she would iromiso not to do it again. That's what uakes me say she is set in her ways. There, too, are the piano and guitar, which the kept going from morning until midnight, tiling the whole neighborhood with the dis5ordant sounds which she called music. Both are as tnute as the bird cage which was raoated last weok by a stragctic movement )f the cat. The two hundred nots of flowers the left me to cultivate I don t think will prouce much of a crop. They'ro nearly all ripe now, and there'* no sign nl'a flower yet. [ have watered thorn twice since she left, but it did no good. I reckon thfcy miss her, and are pining away because she ain't here. In this respoct they do not resemble me to any alarming extent. Our kitchen never looked better. The stove and pipe have assumed a beautiful red tint, and the pota are bringing forth a fine crop of white looking vegetable mould, which I haven't, learned the name of; but she'll know it when she comes. The dishes don't looke quite as bright and clean as they might, but the flies are hud this year, and if I were to wash thorn every two weeks they wouldn't present a respectable appearance. Notice to the Editor?Please suppress that article I sent you about my ' Spell of Single Blessedness." The old woman has got back. Sunday Morning Christians From the Southern Presbyterian. The church has long been familiar with the phrase, Sunday Christinas, as applied by the world to a class of professors who accomplish the entire business of religion, both ceremonial and moral, in one day of the seven. But an "age of progress" has developed an improved class who have the proud distinction of having approximated the minimum of religious services still more closely. Not long since I entored a chui'ch on Sabbuth.evening, which had been fall in the morning, and was astonished to see not one-third as many present. I wondered what was the matter. The weather was pleasant and the church comfortable. Tfad the sexton* failed to ring the bell ? Had some pestilence broken out during the afternoon ? What was the matter ? I thought of some Hn/httra detained bv small children at home, and of a few aged and invalid persons who could not safely venture out at night. But these allowances did not near oover the case. My amazement was increased when I learned that those I expected to sec at this 'church were not at any other. And still more, when I was told that the same state of things prevailed in many other communities. In my perplexity, I concluded to ask you, Mr. Editor, what is the reason why so many attend only the morning service, and also to ask you whether there is a remedy. Meanwhile I cannot help revolving in my mind some of the evil results of this absenteeism, whether it can be accounted for satisfactorily or not. I could see well, enough that it affected the minister very painfully, lie certainly found it harder to speak in an empty house. He also appeared depressed and disheartened. True, the few souls to whom he was preaching were of infinite value, and warranted bis best exertions* But he saw that those persons, though present, j were less interested from seeing so many vacant seats, as evidence of general indifference. Then the subject matter of the sermon was adapted just as much to the absent as the present, and was even more needed by some of them. Iudeed it seemed to be a fit sequel to the instruction: of the morning, and it appeared to me that by losing the second discourse, they virtually lost the first. I tried very hard to imagine these absent Mi-flnna at noma, lamenting their inability to attend, and carefally and prayerfully meditating or the preoiuos troths they had heard in the morning, but my imagination was too feeble, and completely broke dowja in the effort, And T fell to thinking that they had carried very little home with them, and were perhaps then engaged in some unprofitable reading or talk. But, poibaps, that is uncharitable, and I take it back. Yet really, Mr. Editor, I am puzzled?and 1 come to you for light. It seeuis to mc that, to attend the services of the sanctuary only onehalf of the day when it is convenient to at teud the whole day, docs show a want of lovo 'to God's house, worship and word.? And that certainly as much dhcrifice and effort ought to he made to honor God in the ,devotions of public worship, and to scuire our spiritual profit through the preached word, that we ordinarily* make for worldly advancement and gratification. I have observed that strangers and others which constitute the "building material" of the church, are uujre inclined to attend night services than the inornfng, and have been pained to - 1 ? J _ see inein virtuatty anten away uy mo sum attendance they seo on sad) occasions. Lot those who nceil no more instruction themselves cousider this point. The First Fuchsia. A pleasant story is told in iui En glish horticultural journal of the way the Fuchsia gained its notoriety and popularity among flower-lovers, and introduction to the horticultural world: "Old Mr. Lee, nurseryman and gardener near London, well known fifty or sixty years I ago, was one day showing his variegated treasures to a friend, who suddenly turned to him and declared: 'Weil, yon have not in your collection a prettier flower thuu 1 saw this morning at Wapping.' 'No? Atid pray what was this phcemx liko ?' 'Why, the plant was elegant, and the flowers4iung in rows like tassels from the pendant branches, their colors 4he richest crimson ; in the centre u fold of deep purple, and"so forth. Particular directions being demanded and j given, Mr. Leo posted off to the place where he at onco perceived that the plant was new in this part of the world, ilo saw and ndtnired. Entering the house he said : 'My good woman, this is a nice plant. 1 should like to buy it.' 'Ah ! sir. I tould not sell it for no money; for it was brought me from the West Indies, by my hu-band, who has now let! again, and I must keep for his his sake ' 'But, I must have it.' iNo,sir!' 'Here 1' emptying his pocket-; *hcre is gold, silver, copper, (his stock was somo more than eight guineas.) 'Well-a-day ! But this is a power ??f money, sure and sure.' "l'is yours, and the plant is tnine; and my good woman, yon shall have one of the fir.-i young ones I rear, to keep for your husband's sake.' A coach was enlled, in which was safely deposited our florist and his seemingly deal purchase His first work wa- to pull oil'and utterly destroy every vestige of blossom and blossom bud; it was divided into cuttings, - - V-.-I i,ril. | whieb "were lorcM inio iwwr-i?i.-. beds, were rodivided and subdivided. I\vcr\ effort war' made to multiply the plant, by the commencement of the next flowering reason, Mr Leo was the delimit ted possessor of 3(10 fn. hsiu plants, all giving prnmi a of blossom. The two which opened tir t were removed into his aliow house ; a lady came '?\ hy, Mr Jiie, uiy dear'Mi Lee! where did you gel this charming flower V Horn! j 'tis a new thing, my lady. Pretty, i- it notV | Pretty! "Pis lovely. It's price 'A guinea; tHank your ladyship;' and one of the two plants Btood proudly in her ladyship's boudoir. 1SIy dear Charlotte ! where did you get. that elegant flower?' 'Oh, 'tis a new thing. I saw it at old Let's. Pretty, is it not?' 'Pretty! 'Tis beautiful! Its price ?' 'A guinea.' There was another left. The visitor's horses smoked off to the suburbs.? A third flowering plant stood ou the spot whence the first had been taken. The second had been taken. Tho second guinea J 1t.. .'..J nuo puiu, auu tue s?;u<uiu CUU8VU lUUIlSlU adorned the drawing-room of her second ladyship. The scene was repeated, as newcomers saw and were attracted by the beauty of the plant New chariots flew to the gates of old Lee's nursery-ground. Two fuchsias, young, graceful, and bursting into healthful flowers, wore "constantly seen on the same spot in his repository. He neglected not to gladden the faithful sailor's wife by the promised gift. But ere the flower season closed three hundred golden guineas clinked in his purse, the product of the single shrub from the window in Wapping; the reward of taste, dcoision, skill and energy of old Mr. Lee." A Gamblino House?Ladies are farbidden to step forth within the precincts of Mr. John Morrissev's great au<^ elegant gambling house. This veto was put upon the ladies by the Young Men's Christian Association, for the purpose of saving the Indies and ruining the men; or, wonld appear most clearly in sensible uiinds, for the purpose of ruining both, for how are women to be saved if men go to destruction ? And much more certain is the fact that shutting the women ont from any place where men congregate is the best means iii the world to abandon it to doubtful fate. A lady, however, went into John Morrissey's house the other day, and looked it over. She was accompanied by a highly agreeable aud intelligent Southern gentleman, to whom she is greatly indebted for a minute explanation of the workings of this institution, its follies and failings. The house is maguiflceut in frescoim?. carvinz. furniture, cut glass, car pet? and chandeliers, beyond anything that can be seen in this country. The card ta bles were covered, as it was very early in the morning, so that she was deprived of witnessing the games. The most extravagant and costly food is served here on plates of silver and gold. The waiters are the best trained. Here is the office where the business of racing dene, the. pooU bought and ^told. One lofk? upon the whole thing, lakes . a realizing sense of its all, and exclaims, ' What an elegant and supurd hell 1" Gentleman is not merely a person ucqnainted with certain furms and etiquette of life, ea3y and self-possessed in society, able to speak and act and move in the world without awkwauiness, and free from habits which are vulgar and in bad ta-te. A gentleman ' _> something beyond this; that which lies at the root of all his pleasing i-< the same spirit which lies at the root of every Christian virtue. It is the thoughtful desire of doing in every instance to others as lie would that /ithnrq should do unt< him. Ho is constant- ( ly thinking, hot indeed how he may give [ plcasuro to others for the mere sense of j pleasing, but how he can show respect to I others, how he may avoid hunting their feeling. When he is in society, he scrupulously ascertain? the positions and relations of every una with whom he comes in contact, that he may give to each his due honor, his proper i position. He studies how lu; may avoid touching in conversation upon any subject ; which may needlessly hurt their feelings? i how he amy abstain from any allusions wluch may call up a disagreeable or offensive as- i sociation. A gentleman never alludes to<a never appears conscious of any person's defect, bodily deformity of talent, of reputation in the person in whose society ho is i placed. He never assumes any superiority to himself?never ridicules, never sneers, uever : boasts, never makes a display of his own pow- i er, or rank, or advantages?such as is implied in ridicule or sarcasm, or abuse?as ho uever indulges in hab'ils, or tricks, or inclinations which may be offensive to others. An Extraordinary Murdkr Trjal.? A rcmakable murder trial has recently tako plaee in the county ot Tyrone, Ireland. Iu June, 1871, Mr. (jluss, the Cashier of the Northern Bank, at Newtownstewarl, was found murdered in the bank, and it was subsequently ascertained that a robbery had been committed, nearly JS2,000 having been abstracted. A sub-inspector of police named Montgomery, who had been ou terms of intimacy with the cashier, was arrested and brought to trial ou the charge of being the murderer. An officer of the Royal Irish - * 1 Constabulary occupies t lie same social |>oaition in Irelund that u commissioned officer in the military service occupies in England, and the proceeding in th# case of Montgomery excited* interest autong all classes in i lie community whore tlicy took pluco. The j lirst trial occured last year, and the feeling i against the prisoner was so strong in his own 1 district that all jurymen living within five , miles of Newtownstcwart were excluded ; 1*10111 the jury-box. The second triul took almal a fortnight aco, ami occupied more I 111uii leu days. Highly three witnesses wore ! examined, and the counsel ! >r thu delenre I madi' a spocli ten hours in length. They ! jury deliberated I'.tr twelve hours without I bring aide to D!rree upon a verdict, when I ihe V Here discharged. and I lie ea o was nsi ipiied lor a third trial. This lias bo< u the i ni'-f-t pmtractvd ease cwroii trial in Ireland, ami it promise to Turnish occupation for fourth uiuMawycrs for a long time to couie. New gold, silver, and plntinn mines have hern discovered six leagues Iroin the I'tlj" of .Mixieo. Tiie Wrong Way to Pick up a Snapping Turtle.?A man named Gilsey, who, by strict economy and severe industry, has succeeded in getting his family a little place ( free from encumbrance, was fishing in Still river, near the Heaver bi*ook mills, on Sunday afternoon. After sitting on the. bank for a couple of bours without catching anything, he was gratified to see on a stone in t the water a snapping turtle sunning himself. The butt eud of the turtle was toward him, and he thought hs would capture it, but, while he was looking for a place |o step the turtle gravely turned around without his 1' knowledge, and when he got in reaching dis t tanee. and bent down to take bold of what nature designed should he "taken hold of f while handling a snapping turtle, that so- }> ciable animal just reached out and took of Mr. tjilsey's hand with a grasp that Jett no doubt of its sincerity. The shrieks of the s' unfortunate man'ar..used some of the neigh- R1 bora, but wheu they arrived it was too late to be of any*benefit to hitn, or even*to them- ai selves, for they just caught a 'glimpse of a bareheaded man tearing over the hill, stfing- . ing a small carpet-bag on one hand, and tbey at once concluded that was a narrow es<?apc from highway robbery. However, it was not a carpet-bag he was swinging; it was sa that turtle, and . it clung to him until he ol reached the White street bridge, when it let go; bat tho frightened man did not ^ slacken bis gait until he got home. When ag he reached the the house the ludicrousness of the affair burst upon him, and when bis wife, looking at bis pain face and bare hpnd, 88 and dust begrimed olothes, asked him what was the matter, he said, "Nothing was the matter, only ho was afraid he would be too w late for church," oud appeared much relived Xi to fiud that he wasn't.?Daidmry Nine*. Ahk You Ready to Dye??Traveling in jj his buggy alone, not long ago, in going to one of his appointments, oue of our good brethren iu tho Presbytery of Memphis overtook a tramp with his carpet bag in bis hand, w The roads were muddy, and be was just at hi the time about entering a miry bottom. p< Why the politeness for which he is. noted, c he asked the pedestrian (an entire stranger) if he wonld not take a seat in tho buggy un- ^ til, at least, they had crossed the mud and p mircr. The invitation was readily accepted, ^ and the conversation for a time was free and easy, about things ordinary and general. Presently, however, the good brother with a view to matc~ thT' conversation profitable, ,e asked the stronger if he was ready to die. Not krtowing the character of the person ^ who hadjnvited him to a seat with him, and ul apprehending his meaning and suspecting foul play, he waited not to reply, Dut sprang from the baggy immediately, and ran for life f through slush an water. Thejflerical broth- <a or wishing to assure the stranger that he meant no harm, called to him at the top of tli his voice to stop. Hut this only hastened in his speed, and like a sacred hare, he ran un- hi til beyond hearing and sight, fu his hasty p< llight he left flis carpet-sack, which our brother now has in his possession, being the richer for his faithfulness by the addition of j4 a char e shirt, a pair of threadbaro trousers, ' and a little "backer." Ah mjj.'iis Pretbytt riau. pi When Mr?. Siddons was playing Lady Macbeth in Dublin, at that part where a drum sounds, ahd she exclaims, "A drutn ! ',e a drum ! Macbeth doth come !" there where some difficulty or neglect in obtitiniiing the \ necessary instrument, and to her amazement ,,f a trumpet wue sounded. ?ho immediately j?. saw how absurd it would lm to say "drum" i,,, while tho sound of the trumpet tilled the ears of the audience, so she said, "a trum- . pet! a trumpet! and stopped short, amid '! breathless silence, not knowing how to rhyme, whan a voice from the gallery callI'd out.' Macbeth doth stump it 1" at which tho house broke out into a peal of laughter y" and applause, and the tragedienne-advanced - - .... I i. I u.i.. to the footlights ana dowcu net uctuimn-ug- ^ ment lor the reliel'. Sslie afterwards tried to vc lind out who it was, hut failed to do so, and av never forgot what she considered the uiost genuine piece of wit she had met with in all her experience. ? Can the bones of Washington rest in J" peace while the chair thoy reclined in at the iirst inauguration is used as a prop to support corruption '( Aud yet we learn from a '? Washington telegram that Mr. William w Coventry H. Waddlle, "late Commissioner of bankruptcy under the act of 1842," ha> lent for use at the inauguration of (.>011! (iraut to-day, the identical chair in question. When it is known that Mr. Waddoll is the 1 partner of Mr. Taiiborn of Massachusetts, ' " " ? ????...> o to whoui Secretary iSoutwew nas commvicu to give some one or two millions of legacy and succession taxes, people of inquiring ' minds will be likely to wonder if this id not prostituting the chair aforesaid by making y, it a support for a corrupt job. s* A Detroit niau brought a horse the other ,n day, and not linding hiuiuli that the jockey's ,,j fancy painted hiiiir A|>|?Iie?l a dye to the animal that uiade him a lovely black, and resold him to the dealer. In about two weeks the tc animal was resold to the first purchaser, his appearance having undergone another is change, and now Detroit is interested to w know which of the men ought to sue the so other. * wt A drunken fellow wandered into a Sun- i day school, and took a seat among the prim- Kf <rscholars, when the teacher thus accosted jr him : "Why. .lames, do you know what con- f| dition you are in ?" "Yes, m'm; in the gall fi of bit.'ijess an' bonds of 'niquily. A k me j; some hard quo'ihii'ns." p. Parental acres? The old man's corns. I .. 4 ADVERTISING RATES. Space. 1 M. 2 M. j 8 M. p M. square *3 00, (5 GO 8 00 12 00 I9 00 ! squares 6 OO! 9 OO1 12 00 18 W 26 00 squares 9 OOi 13 00' 16 OOj 24 00; 86 00 squares 12 00 16 00 20 00, 30 00 43 00 column 10 00 19 O0 24 GO 34 00 00 00 column 1 20 00 30 00 40 00 Co 00, 80 '0 column - I 30 00. 60 00.' 60 Ofl 90 00,150 00 All Transient Advertisements will he charged )nk Doi.i.ar per fqnace for the first and Sevexy-five Cexts per Square for each subsequent nsertion Mingle insnrtiou, $1 50 per square. OUR CHIP-BASKET. Relies of the kitchen?Wringing mashines. ' John Smith lives in New York this year, rhere arc 248 of him. A Cook that f'lwiils with indignation" is he greatest economist of fuel known. Should a uiau be arrested for taking hings as they come ? A man who wanted to he a minister said ic believed he had been called to labor in he Lord's born-yard. The little boy with his first ?*igar and the ruckman with his gentle mule both tried to ack her and couldn't. Mute admiration?That shown for his weetheart by a fellow who neither htfars nor peaks. Who is it who is always expecting quarter nd yet never gives any? The tax-gatherer. The leap year style of popping the queson now is, "Don't you want me to wash ishes for you. . . The latest thing in engagement rings is*a ipphirc and a ruby together, emblematical I* love and fidelity. "1 come to steal," as the rat observed to ie trap. "And I spring to embrace you," t the trap replied to the rat. A man writing poetically of the weather,' ys, "The backbone of winter is broken, but ie tail wags yet occasaionafly." To what would a icaa taking breakfast ith his betrothed be most likely to object? o take any butter (but her.) A Nebraska man rcently sowed twentyght bushels of wheat in three minutes.? is team ran away and the cereal was sowed it through the end board of the wagon. A Pittsburg coroner makes no charge here he sits on a young man who parted Is hair in the middle. He says that his >rsonal satisfaction is enough without the o. to "We are fearfully and wonderfully made," i the man, quoting Scripture, said to his iend as they were looking the skeleton of a inkey. A> Texas paper thus defines its position: [n religion we are conservative, and we innd to adhere to the cash system." A Intra ?. J._. f >_ AlW&Jd W MIDO fun uWo 1 lOOK -W t-M T right side of everything; it is just as cheap id three times as good for digestion Men talk about the idle wind, bat the ind is always busy; and like the cbeerfnl nner whistles at his work. We know that a system cqaal to many of le New England and Northern States is lpossible at present; time alone can only ing a school system into a state #of almost election. ''Mother did you bear Sissy swearing ?" Vo, my dear, what did she say ?" "Why, ic said she wasn't going to wear her darned actings to church." The following is a copy of a notice dis . nyed in a field near South London: "Laes and gentlemen are requested not to ;al turnips. Other persons detected will i prosecuted. The California mines are queer places ? Golden State reporter heard "the growl a bear, the howl of a wolf, the voice of ayer, the cry of a child, and the clash of iwie knives" from one gulch. I I?~* 1. <>?%il flfdaw .1 Aion in At oinn *1 MH'tiu-i aim j uunu muv, ilh prei>ared fur college, and both passed o examination for admission to the Colby niversity, and then the big, mean boy felared that if his sister was going, he isn't. ' I am afraid dear wife, that while I am me absence will conquer love." "Oh. ueir fear, dear husband; the longer you stay ray the better I shall like you." A lady wished aseat. A portly, hardn?e gentleman brought one and seated the dv. "Oh ! you're a jewel," said she. "Oh, v' he replied; "I am a jeweler. 1 have ist set the jewel." "The wind's getting round," remarked ibbs to his friend lluggius the other day. hen it changed from east to west. "(Jlad 'it," replied Hugging, it's been sharp long inugh." o.T.ilm " Haiti a dotiii'T narent to her iror auditing son, "do you realty think you can it the whole of the pudding with inipuuy V' "I don't know, uia," auswered the )ung hopeful; ''but I guess I can with a >oon." Forward and hkjtiaciou.s youth?"By jove, ?ti know, upon u>y word, now?if I were to 'C a ghost, you know. I should be a chatterliot for the rest of my life !" Ingenuous aiden (dreamily)?"//??r you seen a host?/'hhi/i. A Western farmer, it is reported, refused i l.mk at a simple sewing machine recently, . he always "sewed wheat by hand." He said to l*e related to the man who did not ant a threshing machine on his farm; "for," >id he. "give me a harness-tug or a barrelave. and I can make my family toe the iark according to law ana ncnpier. "That's where the hoys fit for college," ihl thaprofesaer to Mrs. Partington, poinig to a school house. "Did they?" said le old lady with animation. Then if they t the college before they went, they didn't lit afterward? Yes said he smiling and ivnrinjr the conceit: hut tins fight was with lie h< a>l not the hands Putted, did tTiey? aid the old lady. * - m