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r VOL. XXXII. CAMDEN. S. C., THURSDAY, AUGUST SI, 1873. NO. OX. THE CAMDEN JOURNAL." -j? - * * AN INDEPENDENT FAMILY PAPER PUBLISHED BY J OH IV KERSHAW . SUBSCRIPTION RATES. One year, in advance 50 Six mouth? 1 .50 Three months 75 Transient Advertisement? must be paid i j ?; iu auT?ntr. The Condition of Continental Europe. The present position of matters in Europe is not such as to give much hope of a peaceful future. The questions at issue, both political and religious, become daily more complicated, and their solution more difficult. Old parties are breaking up, and there is everywhere that confusion that marks a period of transition. Yet, amidst all the turmoil and tuunlt. certain great lines of division begin to be distinctly seen. Slowly bnt steadily all Europe is gathering into two camps.?that of the Ultramontanes, and that of the Radicals. It is not that between Church aud State there it any necessary antagonism. Both way exercise their true functions in perfect harmonp. But usurpation on one side has been met by usurpation on the other; claims to be supreme authority by counter claims, till peace is no more possible. The Ultramontanes have taken a position from which they cannot recede; and the Radicals will stick at nothing if they can thereby overthrow the papacy, it is a war to the death; and tins the leaders on both sides well know. Between the two extremes, there are now many small parties, not yet ready to rank themselves with either, but inclining this way or that, according to their prejudices or opinions or fears. To the Church party naturally tarn the monarchist, the constitutionally timid and conservative, the rich, who fear the oommanists and their theories about property, the religions who dread their infidelity, and all who cling to existing institutions, or are bound by the associations of the past. Many of them are not Ultramontanes, nor even Roman Catholics, but they uphold the Uhurcn ot notue because uiej see it in the leading representative of luw and order, and of Christianity, and the chief bulwark against the democratic spirit. To the State party turn as naturally all of republican tendencies, the defenders of free thought and speech, the young and ardent, who believe the golden age is yet to come, all who hate the Jesuits, the infidels, who see in Rome their chief enemy, the opponents of all spiritual despotism, and Protestants in general, who think anything more tolerable than papal domination. It ntjuot to be supposed that all of these several classes have any clear conception of their own position. They probably hope to hold an intermediate place, and successfully to ooDose both extremes. They thiuk to uphold the Chnrch, and yet preserve civil liberty: v*nd tn uphold the State, yet leave the Chnrch frdb. But the leadsrs of ! the two extremes have a clearer understanding of the real condition of affairs. They know that jo such strife it is the bold, the determined, those who enunciate a principle without limitation or compromise, that draw the masses of men after them. The com mon mind does not appreciate nice distinctions; it does not like qualifications and refinements. In a popular leader, at great crises, moderation is weakness. The wise chief* of the Church well understand this ; and the? have taken ground in regard to the relations of Chuach and State which are intelligible to the dullest intellect. The pope, as the head of the spiritual order, and infallible in faith and morals, ie the head of all kings and rulers. Id all cases of disputed authority, they must be obedient to him.? The supremacy of the Church?that is, of the pope?must be recognized as a first principle by all Christian nations. On the other side, the Radical chiefs enunciate their principles with equal boldueee, simplicity, and decision. The State is supreme; it knows no power above itself.? If there be a God, the State is His true representative. Religion, as a matter affecting the public well-being, is wholly under its oontrol. It is to determine what ahull be the rites of worship, and what doctrines may be taught, and who shall be the teach era. Claims to Divine authority are essentially treasonable, since they conflict with the civil sovereignty. These are plain and intelligible principles; no man can mistake them. If received and acted upon, thoy cut up the Church of Rome, and every Christian Church, root and branch No religion can exist which is not divested of its supernatural character, and made subservient to political ends. Such, in principle, arc the lilies of division. Every year they become more clearly drawn. No one can fail to see what progress the Ultramontanes have made in the la-i do oade, and how they are forcing all to come into their camp. Their cry is Ronton Catholicism or atheism; the supremacy of the nAM of fvunuiuism and anarchy. To niulti a*;; seems to be the only alternative ; I and the fear of one extreme drives thorn to the other. The same is the pane with the Radicals. Their numbers are augmentiug, not so much through rational conviction, as through hatred of ecclesiastical tyranny.? Many are not atheists, but if compelled to choose between the slavish submiaton demanded by Rome and no religion at all, thoy prefer the latter. They choose the absolutism of the State rather than that of the C'huroh As regards numbers and organization, the 1 great ad vantage is on the Hide of tho t'ltrai montane*. This party is a great and compact body, a gigantic army, well officered. J toting in unity, and directed by one will.? ' . 4nd there is something far more potent than number) or drill; there i* a religioip; energy, ' in some cases we may call it enthusiasm,! wtuth shrinks from no obstacles, and hesitate* at no sacrifice. There is also a skill in playing on the superstitious fears and the ' credulity of the lowet &nj ignorant classes, j which no other party possesses. Thu iutiknowledge of the prejudices and wishes t4' ineii docks which the parish priests have, nnd the entire subjection of these priests to their bishops, give the l ltramontane epiaco- j r pate great power of popular excitement which it well knows how to use. The Radicate, on the other haud, are far fewer iu numbers, nor are they united in principles or action. Their leaders have no official position, and, scattered iu different countries, have no centre or head. In their councils is discord, and the proceedings of the International at its sessions, have not indica-. ted much wisdom or prudence on the part of its chiefs. A considerable part of the people look upon them with terror. In almost every point, when compared with the Ultramontanes. they stand at great disadvantage. Yet we should make a capital mistake if we despise the power of this party. Its strength lies in this,?that it is the truest representa tive of the spirit of the age.. Toung Europe is mostly in its ranks. It gathers to itself all who are dissatisfied with the present, and will not renew the past There i9 a wide spread feeling that it is possible for men to he much happier and more prosperous than they have been, and that this can be effected by a reconstruction of society, the rebuilding it on new foundations. To this class belong many of a philanthropic and speculative turn of mind; and to these must be added those who love license and hate restraint, the despisers of all religion, the vicious and profligate. Very unlike in character and purpose, all agree in this,?that Christianity, as represented by the Church at Rome, is bringing more of evil than good to Europe, and must be overthrown, and the State, embodying other principles, takes its place. There is a type bf civilisation better than anything which Christianity has given, and this mast be brought in by statesmen, not by priests. Looking upon Europe as it preseuta itaelf to-dav. we mav see manv siens of an Ultra W ' <* J ?CI? ? montane triumph. Evidently there is a strong reaction-going on, the proof of which may be seen in Spain, in France, and in Germany. In Spain, the Carlisto are gaining ground, and the Republicans, disunited and factious, can neither gain the confidence of the people, nor make war with vigor. France, under McMahon is turning more and more toward the Church of Rome. As between the Republicans and Carlists in Spain, it assumes a position of neutrality; but there can be no doubt that the spirit of the Administration is decidedly anti-Republican. The priests are very busy in arousing the religious feeling of the peasantry by means of apparitions and visions and miracles, and by large processions to holy places; and democracy is denounoed as the chief of sins, and the restoration' of legftimate' authority held tip as the only salvation for France. Germany is full of internal strife, and Bismarck, who has offended all the Roman Catholics, has by no means carried all the Protestants with hiui. lie has found that the |K?wer of Rome is still very great, and that its stubborn opposition to bis ecclesiuslical measures cannot be overcome. He seems to be aware himself of his partial failure, and to seek dismission from office. Without speaking of Italy and Austria, in which signs of the same reaction may be noted, though less conspicuous, we conclude that the Ultramontanes have some reason for their hope ot speedily becoming the masters of Europe. But their triumph, if they win it, will be illusive and short-lived. The attempt to make the Church of Rome supremo, must end by making her the slave of the State. The tendency to democracy is too strong 10 oe overcome, and sooner or later, it may be after a bloody religious war, the supremacy of the people must be recognized as absolute. Rome is strong in her organization; but this is no defence against the unbelief, and when the day of final contest comes, her high walls ami battlements may stand, but her soldiers will have fled. If we did not believe in the omniscience of the Lord, this condition of Europe would bo very fearful; but knowing that the Church, His Rudy, shall nbidc forever,' although every plant that tiod hath not planted shall be rooted up, we may await the issue with all quietness.? Church/mill. Expanding the Chest.?Take a strong rope and fasten it to a beam overhead; to the lower endoftheropo attach a slick three feet long, convenient to grasp with the hands. The rope should be fastened to the centre of the stick, which should hang six or eight inches above the head. Let a person grasp this stick with the hands two or threo feet part, and swing very moderately at first? perhaps only bear the weight, if very weak ? and gradually increase as the muscles to gain strength from tl.o exercise, until it may be used from three to five times daily. The connection of the arms with the body, with the execptiou of the clavicle with the breastbone, being a muscular attachment to the ribs, the effect of this exercise to elevate tho ribs and enlarge the chest; and as nature allows no vacuum, the lungs expand the cavity, increase volume of air, the natural purifier of blood, and preventing th ' congestion or deposit of tubcrcluous matter. Wo have prescribed the above for all oaacs , of hemorrhage of the lungs and threatened consumption, for thirty live years, and hnvo been nblo to increase the measure of the chest from two to four inches within a few months, and with good results. Hut especially as a preventive we recommend this exercise. bet those who love to live cultivate a well-formed, capacious chest. The student, the merchant, the sedentary, the young of both sexes?aye, all?should have u swing .ui which to stretch themselves daily. Wo are certain that if thin were (4) be practiced by the rising generation, in a dress allowing a free development of the body, many would l*e saved from consumption. Independently of its beneficial results, the exccrcisc is ail exceedingly pleascut ope, and as the nnparncosts very little, there need be no ditficuhv about anyone enjoy ing it who wishes to. Do> L' tci <. \ * Above the Aretic Circle. From the Nerw York Sun. Dr. Isaac J. Hayes, delivered the second of his course of lectures descriptive of his researches aud adventures in search of the open polar sea before a large andience in Association Hall last night. The glaciers and ! icebergs of Greenland were vividly described. All the interior of Greenland, the lecturer said-, is one vast field of ice, which gradually and imperceptibly moves downward toward the sea, the centre movirig somewhat more rapid^r than the sides* and by the fractures thus created giving to the ice those iantasnc shapes which from time immemorial have been at once the marvel and admiration of explorers. When the glacier reaches the sw it passes on as before over the inclined plain beneath the surface, until so much of it is immersed that it is no longer able to resist #ie buoyancy of the water, and break ing from glacier, with a roar that can be heard for miles, the iceberg rises to the surface, and floats away sometimes as far as the coast of Newfoundland, while the glacier contViues its ceaseless movement downward to form uew icebergs from age to age. The masses of ice thus detached of course vary iu size, but in all of them there is seven times as much ice under water as appears above the surface. From the deck of his vessel Dr.- Hayes once counted as many as 300, some as largo as the hall in which he stood, others as large as Trinity Chnreh,still others as large as the city of New York, and yet others twelve times the sizo of New York. One in especial aro9e 317 feet above the surface, and he then computed its weight to have been aot less than twenty-seven billions of tons. THE MIDNIGHT SUN. With regard to the midnight snn, Dr. Hayes related an incident, which, had he not actually witnessed it himself, might possibly have been received with incredulity by his audience. As he traveled northward, the days gradually lengthened, until darkness ccascd altogether, and the sun was never out of sight. The passengers on board the ship were much incommoded, and were obliged to create artificial darkness by curtains all around them when they desire to sleep. The dumb animals on board were in a pihifnl state of consteruatiuu; the dogs howled unceasingly, and evinced a desire to bay the sun. But the most remarkable effect was created upon an old rooster, the last of their stock of fowl, whose life had been spared in coofiderat-i<M?af hi*?geattdi-rni??c4fU4mt toughness. This venerable bird, day after day, watched the heavens, but found no opportunity of heralding the approach of dawn with his wonted crow. His mind at last gave way, and ono morning, in full view of the astounded voyagers, tlio unhappy bird flew upon the rail of the ship, stretched his nock toward the sun, and giving the merest apology for a crow, Bprutig into the ocean and was seen no more. In 1856 Dr. Hayes' first expedition sailed uortbward, breaking through the ioe in Baffin's Bay, penetrated as far as latitude 75, this is unto that time beiror the furthest ? ^ Q poiitever attained by explorers. On the icebergs which ha encountered polar bears were very numerous. These animals, he said are far from being the ferocious inon 3tcrs which voyagers are so fond of depicting. They are, in fact, very timid croatures. As an instance of their cowardice, lie related ?n.:_ an atiwuut uj inn suuuriuy uircim^ ????w the middle of an artic night, that is to say. broad daylight. Without a moment's hesitation the doctor turned and ran, never stopping until his breath was utterly exhausted; he then looked behind him to nee, us lie said, how long h lease of life remained for him, and to his unspeakah.c relief saw the bear was running also, but iu the opposite direction. A.N HOUR OP TERROR. A very perilous adventure through which he passed during this voyage Wuh listened to with breathless attention. The ship was lying in a large natural bay or harbor, close to a glacier; one day a terrific roaring startled every one on hoard. An immense iceberg had parted from the glacier, and risen to the surface so near tho ship that the first of a succession of waves which it created carried the the vessel, dragging her anchor, entirely across the bay, leaving her within a few feet of the rocks on tho opposite ride. The wave recoiling, threw over the deck a volume of water that swept before it everything not made fast, and forced the crew to hold on for their lives Two of the finest glaciers the Icctunr sawlie christened after I'rof. Tyiidull in compliuient to that great scientist for his Alpine researches. Among the interesting features of the lecture was the exhibition of some exquisite photographs of A11it* scenes reflected upon a attain on the stage. One of those whs a gigantic rock on the cost of <jrectilaud, w hich was in all respects similar to that on which the ill-fated Atlantic had struck, and it was a matter of surpriso to Dr. Hayes, in view of the nature of the coast, that so many of the Atlantic's passengers had becu saved. Milville Hiiy was the high est point reached in this expedition. In cone! luding lis lecture Dr. IIayes snid that this trip might he made by any gentleman during tho summer months in his yacht; sport could bo found in shooting polar bears, and the trip would be no more dangerous than crossing the Atlantic. At the first hln- h it might seem that sailing these tremendous glaciers and ieeborg? was perilious 1 navigation, hut it should be bore in mind that at the proper season darkness never hides than, anil hence danger IVom this | source need scarcely ho apprehended. Th iff1 s magic in that little word home? j it is a mystic circle that surrounds comforts and viitlies never known beyond its own limits. Tho Winnsboro' News, of the 24th, hug the following: ' We are again called upon ; to chronicle another singular death among the colored people. It occurred at White Oak, oight miles north of this place, which, to say the least of it in a charitable point of , view, is certainly mysterious. The case, as reported to us, is that of a child not exceeding eighteen months of age, killing another ! of nine months by maiming, biting and < bruising until life was despaired of, a feat i whinH fhp vniintr nnnnihal hod attemnted a '' ' "-"O ; 1 | few du79 previous in attempting to bite to de.at^aoUier of its playmates. We forbear giving"nanie9 until we learn more of the facts, although from the source we derived the information the focts cannot be disputed.? This being the season of the dog-days, it may have been a case of hydrophobia, or it may not; can either of the parents tell ? Let us have the facts, and we hope the proper authorities may be able to solve the mystey" It U- a remarkable fact that while outsid? of the United States there are about sixty thousand miles of railroad in the entire world, there are in the United States alone nearly soventy thousand miles. If anything could illustrate the magnificent extent of the American Republic and the vuit strides it is making toward a complete development of its domain, this fact would seem to do it. The earnings of the railroads in five States alone, Were last year $260,000,000. Verily this is a great country and worth the pride which the citizen may feci in its present, and proSable future. Of all the strange animals in this strange country, the Rocky mountain turkey is the most singular. It never rings until dark, and even then it fails to do itself justice, unless the sky is.cloudy. It frequents the deepest and most inaccessible canons of the mountains, and it can only be trappod dur ing tho early spring and autumn months. A * piece of bright tin tied to a long polo will a attract scores of these turkeys. Mr. Dunbar, * a Denver naturalist, says that it is a species of the albian?a bird that is found among e the Andes in South America. It is certain- J ly a strange animal, and at times its singing is really beautiful.?Urct/y Tribune. He Died in Karnest.?Two negro acrobats from Jamaica went over the other day to Fort Limon, in Costa Rica, to give some of their exhibitions for the amusement of the residents ^hero. Of the said African acrobats, one played the banjo, while the other . did the tight rope business. Their exhibitions were brought to a sad end by the fol- , lowing tragic event: The crowning gymnastic effort was reserved for the last night. And that was that . the celebrated Jamaica acrobat was to aston- . ish the audience by hanging himself. The houee was full, aud expectation was ou tip toe. Not that the negro artist would actu>1 > l: i?a ij ; 8 any naog Dimrcji, uut wuuiu uuiuc w u?i *? us to to create a sensation worth the entry money. When all was ready and the banjo music at its best, the other partner stood upon a chair and put the loop of a rope around his neck and either stumbled or jumped off. The symptoms of real hanging were so well imitated that the audience, both white and black, applauded, and the banjo player did his best to encourage his partner, Hut things at last began to look serious. His eyes, began to protrude as well us the tongue, aud the high peaked Chinese hat began to shake on his head. The banjo player being appealed to said, (,Oh, let him alone, he understands his business." At last one of the engineers of the railroad went up and looked into the face of the unfortunate representative of Jack Ketch. The face was blacker than natural, the tongue was purple and swollen, and the pulse had slopped at the wrists. " Oh," he exelaimcd, ''the man is as dead as a door nail." The black women set ud a howl of grief, and the hardhearted i white men lnughed at the too successful feat of the dead actor.?-San Francisco Bulletin. ('akeylnti a Gun.?In carrying a gun it should never he in such a position that any injury can accrue to anybody or anything by an accidental explosion. No matter in what stale the hammer may be, cither down, hulf-codk, or full, the burrals should be either so elevated, depressed, or turned aside, that no accidcut can ariso if the charges in both were to explode accidentally. " Carrying a gun with the muzzle down is objectionable. from the likelihood of the shot working t ho wadding loose. The great object, ) however, is so to carry it that no danger can 1 arise, aud that the gun uiay feel easy und ' ready for service. Over the left arm, with ? ilia right hand upon tho "grip," is as good 1 a method as any. In going over a wall, jump- 1 ing over a wide ditch, climbing rajs, gates, 1 Ac., a gun should invariably be taken nfT the < full cock. Whether shooting alone or in company, this rule should never on any account be deviated from. It may happen i that tho barrier to pass is so easy that there seems to bo no apparent necessity for this j precaution. At the same time let it be re- < membered that a foot may slip, a hand may suddenly lose it* hold, nnd many other such unexpected accidents may take place, causing danger iu thut which otherwise would be secure and safe. As n preventive, therefore, It should be made uu invariable rule, and habit will soon luuko it an unexceptionable one, to let down the hammers to half-cock w hen an obstacle of any kind is to be crossoil; and ill taking it off the full it must not be neglected to hold tjte gun upright or at | such an angle that should the thumb slip i from (be hammer, ami an explosion follow, n<> hurui can result. Man judges the inward disposition by the outward nets; liod judges of the outward nets by the inward disposition. Wonderful Invention. To the Editor of the Courier Journal. I have invented a machine for the pur- ; pose of reducing the number of exchange tiends now in existence. As many of your exchanges know, exchange fiends are persons of great perseverance who continually drop into the room where the exchanges of the newspaper office aro kept, and wrestle I with them under the pretence of searching n .1 i\ >t n n rt \ it tor tne mny ?an rroncisco urusner or tne Waco Weekly Bullwhacker, or some other sheet that they offer to swear they can't find it tho news stands. These persons, as if their presence alone were not sufficiently harrowing, have a way of sitting at least in hour at a time rattling the papers in the axchange basket in a manner evidently intended to exasperate and confuse every one it work within the range of the noise. They io worse. When one of them is informed that the paper wanted is not to be had, he invariably says, "an old one will do just as veil;" and his brow darkens with unmanly suspicion when he is informed that tho paper tie wants has positively been carried out.? rhese persons also make many tedious ind unnecessary explanations, consuming nuch valuable time and wearing out the jatience. They know every thing that's | lisagreeuble, and practice it persistently ? | \11 their faults, if written out here, would nake this thing too long. The invention to which I refer is known is ' Bogardus' Patent Irresistible Combina- ] ion Kicker, for the use of Newspaper offi- i es;" and it is in every respect superior to he buzz saw now in use in some of the wes- ( em newspaper establishments. It consists ( nainly of?first, a large and strongly con- ( tructed chair, in the bottom of which were ( 'oncealed numerous remarkable springs of sxtraordinarv power; second, an immense >oot made of a hard, unyielding substance, ' ind connected, beneath the floor, with the ' ihair; third, a number of strong rods and 1 hings, connecting the whole with the steam ; < ingines of the establishment. The boot and ihair are also connected with a powerful | took which is concealed in the ceiling. Ae the unsuspecting cxchango fiend ap- ( iroaches, he is requested to be seated in the shair, which is placed close to the basket in . vhich the exchanges are kept. Just as he lettles in the seat and reaches for an exihange. a member of the editorial staff sudlenly jerks a convenient knob; the powerful ind wonderful springs in the chair begin, to ! oss the fiend in a most extraordinary manier; a portion of the fleor slides away, and he immense boot swings into view, making i kind ot crashing noise, as though the buil- i ling were falling. In a few seconds more L. -J a it a. L ue reuniraauie springs, true w tueir las*, brow the ^tonished fiend into * position ; vhich makes him face the door. The concealed hook then drops from the ceiling and i eizes him by the coat collar, and then the >ooU with the rapidity of lightning is put There it will do the most good. Whon the boot has gone rapidly back and brth for about half a minute, the machinery h stopped, the shattered fiend is lowered to a ittcr and carried out, and for six weeks he anguishes under the impression that he has >een assaulted from behind by the tutelary lemon of the press or some equally exasperated moaster, too hideous to describe. He rever returns to the exchange basket. The Patent Irresistible Kicker is very effective, and has been known to shatter one )f Dr. Harding's celebrated interviewing cushions at one blow. I anticipate a great lemand for it as soon as its merits become inown. Tho specification of this patent is lia anriiur tvrtrlr of ilia nlioir xuitli lliA Ann. ? "f*""b ? "> lecting l>oot. J. C. Braitijwaite Bouardus. Reverence the Aueu.?Tins duty is jxplicitly taught in the Scriptures. The iged have claims upon the young, and are enitled to their respect and reverence. You nay say, they are ignorant and poor?unworthy. They are aged. That is enough, rhink of the sorrows, struggles, disapointnents, suffering mental and physical, cndur?d in life'? passage, aud lift your hat, young nan, and ever speak kindly to tho aged. A few years since I asked an aged mother to !ell me the year of her birth. It was back if'70?before the Declaration of lndcpenlence. She had lived through three wars; die war for our independence and rights with England, the war of 1812, and our late war. I suggested that the girls of the immediate neighborhood should visit, and lienor in some suitable way this aged mother i _ i iL j mi ,i:.i rru jn nor nirmuay. i iiey wiu .so. iiiujuuu^ ind aged mother were both benefitted, lion ir thy father and thy mother," is a speciul . oniiiiand with a .special promise. Reverence the aged ! Five Foolish Young Belgians.?A very silly wager is reported by a Brussels innrn<it Our nf tlin nmnprrms iiipfhnits ftf inflicting capital punishment in China is that which deprives the condemned of sleep, and which generally proves fatal after ten days. Five foolish young Belgians tried this experiment, the other day, with more or less unpleasant effects. They bet that they could remain awake for seven days, on the eondi-1 tion of resorting to every conceivable means for averting sleep. The manner in which they arranged their times was as follows: The night was passed in daucing and drinking coffee ; during the day. they rode horsehack, short or fenced, taknig a cup of coffee every half hour. One of the young ujcii gained the wager, but lost twouty-tive pounds offlesh;two went to sleep after having been up litH hours ; one was seized with inflammation of the lungs ; and the fifth was conquered by sleep on horseback, fell oil, and broke an arm. ADVERTISING RATES. * -I II' Space. 1 M. 2 M. 3 M. I Y. 1 square 3 00 6 00 8 00 12 00 19 GO 2 squares 6 00' 9 00! 12 00< 18 00 26 00 3 squares 9 00; 13 OOj 16 00 24 00 36 00 4 squares 12 00! 16 00, 20 00 30 00 43 00 } column 15 00 19 00' 24 00 34 00, 60 00 \ column 20 00 30 00 40 00 55 00 80 00 1 column 30 OOj 50 00, 60 00 90 00|160 00 All Transient Advertisements will be charged Onb Dollar per Square for the first and Seventy-five Cents per Square for each subsequent insertion Single insertion, $1 50 per square. OUR OHIP-BASKET. Men of color?Painters. The last men?Coblers. Brothera-in-law?Judges , Cutting a stick?Dropping a prosaic acquaintance. Why is a thriving tradesman like ice? Because he is solvent. Tift husbandman sows wheat while the wififsews " tares." ' A poet begau an apostrophe to the ocean with "Prodigious dampness." An Irish editor congratulates himself that half the lies told about him aint true. ' If seven days make one week, how mauy make one strong?" It matters not how a man dies, but how he lives. Peace hath her victorous; more fall in love tha;i in war. Many a man who is only dreaming t&ncie himself wide awake. " I never saw as cold a woman as Mrs. is," said an envious beauty of another, the other evening. " I feel confident she must give her husband a cold in the head whenever she kisses him." A New York female who read that the Hoosac Tunnel coat $900 per yard, said she woul have a dress pattern off from that piece if the old man didn't lay up a cent for the next two years. A Danbury woman, called np to attend the bedside of a dying friend, was deprived }f the melancholy pleasure by the delay occasioned in borrowing breastpin suitable for the occasion. Having a bill against a man in a Kenne- * beck town, we sent a letter of enquiry to a newspaper man of that locality. The reply svas 'he is dead; but pays just as well as he jver did.' Teacher?" How many kinds of axes are there ?" Boy?"Broad ax, narrow ax, post ax, ax nf the legislature and ax of the Apostles." Teacher?"Good boy; you shan't be whippod." Dignified Clerk?Arc you going to marry yourself? Facetious Patlander?Arrah. now when did iver ye hear till of fcgintleman marrying himself? Sure there's awdygoin' to be married along wid me!" It is not the bee's touching on the flowers that gathers honey, but her abiding for a time upon them, and drawing out the sweet. It is not he that reads most, but he that meditates most on divine truth that will prove, the choicest, wisest, strongest christian. l m WW . 1 O . 1 1 A Terre iiaute ooy ot tenner years ana heart drowned seventeen kittens, tied pans to the tails of nine dogs, brushed his father's new hat against the kettle and blew up the pet canary with a tire cracker, in the last month, and still his mother intends him for the pulpit. There is an inconsistency in anger very common in life, which is, that those who are vexed to impatience are angry to see others less disturbed than they are; but when others begin to rave, they immediately see in them what thev could not find in themselves, the deformity and folly of useless rage. The Nashville Banner tells that Mr. 0. S. Newsom, of that ciiy has invented a moat ingenious washing machine." The best washine machine we ever saw was invented thou sands of years ago, and sold before the late war for $800 or $000; but one of Lincoln's proclamations broke the mainspring of it, and it has been rather a worthless piece of machinery ever since. * "The musketo is intensely religious," said Sparques to his spouse to-day. " How so ?" she inquired. "Because he is preying all the time," said S. Mrs. Sparques smiled at her husband's joke, but immediately said, "Muskctos are not religious." " Why?" asked Sparques. "Because they present their bills on Sundays" Sparques went out for a walk and for meditation. Mr. Oough tells a good story illustrative of quaint Scottish humor: "Two sparks from London once came upon a decent looking shepherd in Argyleshire, and accosted him with, You have a very line view here?you can sec a groat way. 'Yu aye, yu aye, a ferry great way.' Au! you can see America here, I suppose ? 'Farrar than that.' How is that? 'Yu jist wait tulo the mists gang away, and you'll sec the muno.' " Only Fit for thf. Law ?An old lady walked into a lawyer's office lately and tho following conversation took place : Lady?Squire, 1 called to see if you would like to take this boy and make a lawyer of him. ? Lawyer?The boy appears to be rather young madam ; how old is ho Lady?Seven years, sir. # Lawyer?He is too young, decidedly too young; have you no older boys t Lady?Oh! yes, 1 have several, hut we have concluded to make farmers of the others. I told the old man I thought this little fellow would make a first rate lawyer, so I called to see if you would take him. Lawyer?No madam ; he is too young yet to commence the study of the profession ? lint why do vou think this boy better calculated tor a lawyer than your other sons. Lady?Why, you see, sir. he is just seven years old to-day. When lie was only live, lie'd lie like all natur"; when he got to be six. he wassaussy and impudent as any critter could be. and he'll steal everything he can lay bauds ou.